roflmao new old icon ouo

Hey guy the links right here!

http://www.twitch.tv/ottybutt
http://www.twitch.tv/ottybutt
http://www.twitch.tv/ottybutt
http://www.twitch.tv/ottybutt
http://www.twitch.tv/ottybutt

todays our two year anniversary c:

and i still love this fox as much, and even more, then the day I fell for her <3

*kissyface ott* ;3

My entire body is shaking and yet I don't feel cold at all; I feel like if I move I'm going to throw up.. My eyes are bloodshot still, and feels like my heads being compressed.. I'm pretty sure I have a fever too.. I'm too scared to wake anyone up to see if I do have one.. ;-; I hope I'm better in the morning

Iunno why, but for some reason I feel as though I can't help with anything that people need help with.

There's a bunch of people who talk to me on skype, and still i feel compelled to hide and not tell anyone about my problems. It's as though if I could help others, maybe I'd be able to help myself? I need to go to the doctors sometime but i'm literally too afraid to do it right now because i have a social anxiety thing and can't talk about it with anyone really, because it's a general soft topic for me since i was but a wee child.

I don't know what to do about myself. I can never feel like I help, and rarely make the people around me smile. I tend to over think and over analyze situations to the point where my introvert side gets a hold of me and i get so depressed I don't speak and seclude myself to my own little area in a room full of people.

I feel like it's my fault and all i yearn for is being held close and being told that no matter the circumstances, everything is going to be alright.

I just.. don't know how.

so yeah im drunk

and kinda high

talking to my favorite people ever.


addddddd me on skype bitches ;;

Muffinzilla


.....

im sorry, you're not bitches <3 you're all lovely ^^

but do add me <3

i dont talk lots but when im up i do

Some days I'd like to feel as if I haven't royally fucked everything up. Even just to have an apology accepted.

Bad night >>

Decided to take my mind off of everything and finally upload all the art I've been neglecting to.

Sorry about the instant art-spam.


though you'd better enjoy

anyways add me on neopets if you still have it :P

my username is Ottywotty

Lost my 104 year old great grandpa last night :(

He went his entire life healthy as can be and spent his first night ever in a hospital on Wednesday, and passed away overnight last night.

I didn't know him too well, but from stories I've heard, he was a great man. Stuck to his faith like glue and was the nicest man people have known.

So here's to you, grandpa.

Rest in peace, and keep watch over your family.

I finally know how his side of the bed feels xD between a wall and.. A wall :P

I think from now on I'm gunna switch sides with him every time he stays over x3 that way it's not unfair that I get the comfy side all the time

Hope he approves of my choice :P


PS: this wall is freezing ;-; and I have no shirt on

So random thing.

---

since its getting to be winter, the airs getting dryer, so I get alot of nosebleeds.. but i really don't want to get them lots x.x so I need to like.. inject my nose with some sortsa watery moisture stuffs? iunno.

its weird, too. Because it'll just happen without anything provoking it >.<

---

And because of me and my left leg being shorter then my right (only by like.. an inch) ; its still causing quite abit of pain and damage to the left shoulder and arm, including my upper and middle back. The docs in the past (including sports and hospital) have said that nothing can really help it aside from custom orthotics; but now mine are kind of really worn down and are hurting my feet more as the days go on.. I don't have more money to get a new pair >w< so that sucks.

---

Last but not least, I've been on a short fuse lately, only because I'm really stressing about school and the bank and everything plus lack of sleep.. So I've more or less been on edge about things and have been arguing with Gree more. Although I've apologized more so right after, I still feel bad :( We've both been kind of like this recently, stupidly arguing about the randomest crap because we had a bad day..

I am quite excited about something I'm planning for him though :) It'll just be a little something to get him a little de-stressed, as well as have some fun away from all of our troubles for a short while.. I hope it all goes well <3 because I'm trying my hardest to keep it a complete secret >>

---

for the most part, I love you Greevus and I'm sorry for my short fuses recently *noses* It's just a stressful time until the bank gets back to me.. I promise I'll make it up to you <3 flours, flowers and all :'3

Here's a little story ^^

So today marks a day, in which some lovely event happened. It was exactly a year ago, in front of a friends place, when Gree had gotten down on one knee asked me to be the Kory to his Samaki. So yes, today is our 1 year anniversary; and it's been the best year in a while. A gentle nudge in the right direction for school, and then a massive shove when I was nervous about starting. He made me realize my true potential, and continues to do such things on a daily basis. I love you Hun, and here's hoping for years to come. ^^

It was honestly the cutest way I've ever been asked out.. and hopefully It'll be the last <3

Today's going to be a great day, and I can't wait until I'm done school! :)

SOOOOOO.

Im getting kicked out as of october 31st. Her reason being so was that (right from the text) : "I rented you a room for one person.....inclusive and exclusive. You've turned into a two man all inclusive resort. no more."

Gree stays here for school and on days that he works late. She never minded it before. and I've heard absolutely nothing about it until right now, and she wants me out.

She also refuses to talk to me face to face and bitched me out for going into her room and using 2 towels, when during my first week here, she also said "Towels are in my closet up top, and you're welcome to use them whenever you'd like"

so anyways..

TL;DR : im being kicked out, person i pay rent to is a bitch, towels throw people over the edge.


now i guess its time to find a new place.. hurray for legit poor college student being kicked out and having to find a new place after only a month of being in this shit hole!

I'm falling, deeper and deeper into something that is literally tearing me apart inside.

I've cried myself to sleep most nights when there's no one to talk to, and there's absolutely no way to talk to a specific person about it. It just feels as though my insides are constantly turning, anxiously awaiting a bad omen or something.

I just need to be held, I need to cry, I need to feel loved by anyone right now, I just need to be told that everything will be okay. Most of my friends are from different parts of the world, and I really wish i could see them constantly, because I really do love them..

I guess I just need time to think, I have another 2 weeks until my counselor appointment again, and whenever I feel happy, something happens when I just collapse and break down into nothing.

I guess all I'm asking for is for my mind to realize that I can't do this anymore, and I can't handle the constant pain that's dwelling up inside. I'm just going to rip my hair out and call it a day I guess..

Don't you dare pity me or feel bad for me, because that's the last thing I want.

Im Ohtar The Magnificent! :D circa 2013~

first went out looking for white out, all stores closed early.. fml

went to starbucks to get a coffee and they play my favorite song, made me nearly cry.. fml

walked home and felt like quitting today.. fml

and now im sitting here drinking my latte when it splashes into my eye somehow.. fml

;A; everything hates me

Title says it all :/ not like the person it's for is reading this at all.

I. Babyfurriness:
1. [X] - I'm mommy's / daddy's little helper.
2. [X] - Holds Mommy's / Daddy's hand.
3. [X] - I have more than one Marci Badge.
4. [X] - I have more than one caretaker.
5. [X] - Gets into trouble.
6. [x] - Cuddles, Snuggles, Huggles, Purr...
7. [X] - I like to suck on my thumb.
8. [x] - I like my Paci.
9. [x] - Baffs with bubbles or not at all!
10.[X] - I make appropriate animal noises to communicate.

II. Diapers:
1. [X] - Diapers are fun!
2. [X] - Diapers are required.
3. [ ] - Prefers a diaper over undies!
4. [X] - Crinkles or it's garbage.
5. [X] - The thicker the better!
6. [ ] - Cloth!
7. [x] - Disposables!
8. [ ] - Vinyl Pants.
9. [X] - Baby Powder.
10. [X] - Baby Lotion.

III. Eating:
1. [ ] - Bibs are required.
2. [X] - I prefer Baby bottles to glasses.
3. [X] - I prefer Sippy Cups to glasses.
4. [ ] - I'd rather be fed than feed myself.
5. [x] - Cookies are currency.
6. [ ] - Vegetables are Evil.
7. [x] - I eat baby food! ( Arrowroot cookies <3 )
8. [ ] - I drink baby formula.
9. [X] - NOM NOM NOM ^.^
10. [x] - Chews on Stuff

IV. Play:
1. [ ] - PARK!!!!! "and plays on stuff"
2. [x] - Hide and seek!!
3. [x] - Saturday morning cartoons!!!!
4. [x] - Blanket Forts!
5. [X] - I like to play house.
6. [X] - TEA PARTIES!!
7. [ ] - I'd rather blow bubbles than play video games.
8. [ ] - Draws on walls.
9. [ ] - Colors outside the lines.
10. [x] - Draws on Paper.

V. Toys:
1. [x] - Plays with boy toys. (Tonka, transformers)
2. [ ] - Plays with girl toys. (Dolls, figurines.)
3. [x] - Plays with baby toys.
4. [ ] - Has building blocks.
5. [ ] - I has baff toys.
6. [x] - Plushies!
7. [ ] - I own more plushies than I do underwear.
8. [x] - I sleep with more than one in bed.
9. [X] - They all have names.
10. [X] - My plushies are real.

VI. Bedtime:
1. [x] - Gets up early!
2. [x] - Takes naps.
3. [ ] - Wakes up wet.
4. [ ] - Wakes up dirty.
5. [ ] - Would rather sleep in a crib than your bed.
6. [] - I sleep with a night light / glow plushie.
7. [x] - I can't live without my blankie.
8. [x] - I enjoy bedtime stories.
9. [x] - I fall asleep to gentle lullabies.
10. [ ] - I fall asleep to hypnosis media.

VII. Clothes:
1. [x] - I own a onesie.
2. [x] - I own more than one onesie
3. [x] - I own a set of footed PJs.
4. [ ] - I own more than one set of footed PJ's
5. [ ] - I own a pair of short-alls/over-alls.
6. [ ] - I own more than one pair of short-alls/over-alls.
7. [ ] - I own a party dress / jumper.
8. [ ] - I own more than one party dress / jumper.
9. [x] - All my cub clothes are designed for easy diaper changes.
10. [x] - I'm perfectly comfortable in just a T-shirt and diaper.

Now, go through and add up all the 'x's' you've selected and put the total number below.

TOTAL: 45

less than 10 x's = Closet Babyfur
10 to 20 x's = You still live with your parents don't you?
20 to 30 x's = Newbie Babyfur
30 to 40 x's = You're making progress.
40 to 60 x's = One of us! One of us!
60 or more x's = Um...Wow! You might want to seek therapy.

:DD #Swag

pup stuff

ott
ott
ott

iunno.

These past couple of days for me, has been hell. Dealing with the stress, anxiety, and nervousness to find a place within 2.5 weeks, pack up my room, and move out to a new city for school; has me not being able to get a proper sleep, let alone keep the severely negative thoughts out of my mind. I've tried to be happy, think on the bright side, even went out with friends and got drunk; all to avoid coming back to the realization that I can't do this alone.

I feel as though even in the brightest and happiest of times, I'm falling deeper into something I can't escape. Yes, I suffer from depression, severe anxiety, and have had suicidal attempts in the past.. However with the help of friends I've been able to not even think about those for the past year. Recently though, I'm fighting them again, especially within this past week. I've talked to a few friends about it, but never mentioned the fact that I was actually thinking about suicides again.. It hurts me, It honestly hurts me to the point where my stomach is being turned, my heart sinks, and my breathing becomes heavy.. I can't imagine leaving the people who've helped me come this far with my life.

TRIGGER WARNING
I often find myself sitting here in my room, the lights off, typing infront of my computer, when something feels like its overwhelming me, and I stare at the support beam of the house (I live in the basement) and just wonder. what does it feel like?

Boop

My life isn't terrible, in fact, some say it's an awesome life. To quote a friend I "Have parents who love [me], the most amazing boyfriend that [I] could ever dream of, [I'm] the first kid to go to college, and that [I] have friends who would do anything to keep me safe."

Some days are better than others, but there's always this nagging in the back of my head that worries me about going to school again.. "you're going to fail, you're going to fail, you're going to disappoint everyone around you, You'll be the laughing stock of the family, Who're you kidding; You're a nobody.. You're nothing special, and you never will be"

I've learned to tune it out, but as of right now, I'm waiting for a call back from my neurologist who's setting me up with a counselor.


Until than, I'll just learn to deal with it.

This is not a goodbye, at least not yet.


P.S. To those who may worry, don't. I'll be better within a few days.

Where are you staying?
- Con Hotel, in the tower I believe.

What day are you getting there?
- In london on Thursday and off to the hotel on Friday afternoon.

Who will you be with?
- Iunno. I hope  grayfoxgree  bondiepup and  happyfoxnick

Who will you hang out with during the convention?
- Hopefully people, and on occasion, hopefully nobody.

Are there any panels you might be attending?
- Pretty sure Gree wants to go to the rubber ones, so prolly joining him. *shrugs*

Are you attending any stage or public performances?
- Not in the slightest.

Will you be suiting?
- Iunno, probably not seeing as how I have no suit.

Which suit(s) will you be bringing?
- My birthday one.

Do you draw?
- Stick figures and stick figure accessories.

What are your limits to drawing?
- iunno

How old are you?
- 19

How tall are you?
- 6'1"

Are you taken? Are you looking for a mate?
- Yup and Nope. Happily with Gree.

Can I talk to you?
- If I'm not hiding under my blankets.

Can I touch you?
- Please don't. Hugs are fine. just let me know.

How can I find you?
- Just look for Gree. People recognize him more than me.

Can I visit your room?
- I don't really care.

Can I buy you drinks?
- I get free ones, but by all means. do.

Can I give you stuff?
- Rarely happens, but if you feel you absolutely must, by all means.

Can I hug or snuggle with you?
- Hugs are fine. Snuggles I only do if I'm sad or sumfn.

Are you nice?
- Been told I'm an asshole so.. iunno. guess it's up to the person

How long are you going?
- Thursday - Monday

If I see you, how should I get your attention?
- Just give me a shout, I usually look.

Where will you be most of the time during the days?
- Hopefully around. I don't want to remain in a room.

What/where will you be eating?
- Con space for all I know. and hopefully Food.

Can I come with you for food/fun etc?
- Please? I really enjoy company..

Can I look in your sketchbook?
- I don't have one yet, sadly..

Can I draw in your sketchbook?
- Maybe next con.

Can I take your picture?
- My face would break your camera..

What’s your goal for the con this year?
- To hopefully finally de stress and no have another emotional breakdown..

So here's the list:

xxxxxxxxx Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten
different people right now

Day Two: Nine things about yourself.

Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.

Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.

Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.

Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)

Day Seven: Four turn offs.

Day Eight: Three turn ons.

Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.

Day Ten: One confession

---

Day 2 - 9 things about myself
- I hate most bugs with a burning passion
- Im addicted to being that weird person in public
- As much as I like working, I really hate my job.
- I prefer to be treated fairly, even if I gain a little less
- I despise Flies.
- I'm completely and madly in love with Gree
- I suffer from anxiety :X
- I recently started smoking weed, and like it lol
- I'm going to school in September to become a culinary student.

---

Day 3 - 8 ways to win my heart
- Have an amazing smile
- Your eyes are they key to making me happy
- Don't cheat on me >.>
- Be romantic!
- Don't be afraid to be yourself
- Find common interests
- Understand me and my living style.
- Be Gree, because he's everything my heart wants.

---

Day 4 - 7 things that cross my mind alot
- Suicidal thoughts
- Hungry without food
- Living on my own
- Lyrics Lyrics Lyrics.
- Wondering what my life would be like if i did things better
- That I shouldn't be lazy
- That I did something wrong to piss someone off

---

Day 5 - 6 things I wish I'd never done
- Dated my ex girlfriend who changed my life for the worse
- That I never met the person who used me
- Getting hit in the face with those handlebars.. I still cant smile properly
- That I would've caught my depression sooner
- Been left home instead of seeing my grandpa pass away..
- Skipped school and felt useless.

---

Day 6 - 5 people who mean alot ( in no order )
- Gree
- Mom
- Dad
- Prpl
- BT

---

Day 7 - Four turn offs.
- Scat x.x
- Amputation
- Bad kissing :P
- twig-like figures

---

Day 8 - Three turn ons.
- Chubby
- Undies
- Pup Play

---

Day 9 - two smileys that describe my life right now
- :C
- C:

---

Day 10 - One confession
- I'm scared to lose everyone in my life, Especially the one person closest to me. I fear that without people in my life, I won't amount to anything, or even live to achieve anything greater than the bottom of mediocrity.








FINALLY DONE THESE. roflmao

Yeah I bought beer >.> beer isn't enough to get me drunk. But I'm gunna try!

Probably think about streaming something or like.. A tinychat. Iunno. Suggestions for drunk otters?