ummm... so I'm not dead or anything. Just busy with work. Going through terrible artist block at the moment.
I want so badly to be creative but it's just not working.

Also, silent hill 3 is one of the greatest games of all times.

In my defense, I would like to state that memes are for faggits

[01] Do you have the guts to answer these questions and re-post as The Controversial Survey?

obviously. what a stupid fucking question

[02] Would you do meth if it was legalized?

may~b ;3
It would depend on so many factors. But I've always been a fan of trying everything at least once.

[03] Abortion: for or against it?

who am i to tell someone they can't kill they babby??
those babby cant frith back!!1

seriously though, you guys should know by now that I'm pro choice and pro freedom

[04] Do you think the world would fail with a female president?

girls in the white house other then the ones under the desk???
UNSPEAKABLE!

[05] Do you believe in the death penalty?

dyeing is bad, kthx

[06] Do you wish marijuana would be legalized already?

most definitely
the government has no right

[07] Are you for or against premarital sex?

Are you offering?
And if so, my place or yours?

[08] Do you believe in God?

ummmmmmmmmm.... yes although he might not be as depicted in bedtime stories and stuff

[09] Do you think same sex marriage should be legalized?

I don't see what difference it makes anyway, let the fagits get married.
It's just another state in this finite state machine we call life

[10] Do you think it's wrong that so many Hispanics are illegally moving to the USA?

o absolutely

[11] A twelve year old girl has a baby, should she keep it?

wat a whore
she should be beaten and that will hopefully prevent the child by inducing a miscarriage

[12] Should the alcohol age be lowered to eighteen?

wtf that is the alcohol age around these parts

I think that people should be informed of the risks, but that ultimately the choice should be up to them.

[13] Should the war in Iraq be called off?

it should never been started in the first place.
the USA had NO RIGHT going into iraq.
NOTHING can justify america acting as the worlds police, not even a couple towers (which isn't even the reason they went in there in the first place. America went in for greed and oil and because they wanted to be the alpha male that smacks his bitch during sex. also, god told them to go in apparently)

[14] Assisted suicide is illegal: do you agree?

I cannot disagree enough with this statement.
as I have already said I am pro choice. I am AGAINST the system. 100%.
Thus it is not illegal. There are a great many things 'they' would have you think are illegal and seem illegal on paper but are actually a ridiculous farce and anyone who takes it seriously is a moron (ie, the vast majority of everyone)

[15] Do you believe in spanking your children?

damn straight

[16] Would you burn an American flag for a million dollars?

lol you will pay me to do this?? :3

[17] Who do you think would make a better president? McCain or Obama?

McCain is too old and too religious and too conservative. Obama is too muslim (no offense).
I do think obama is the better candidate though.

However, I think government has severely overstepped their boundaries and the principals they were founded upon. The system is flawed and broken and needs to be torn down and fixed before something like changing a president is going to make any shred of difference.

[18] Are you afraid others will judge you from reading some of your answers?

No. I am my own person. I do not need any external validation of my existence or of my character. That I know I exist is sufficient. This is text on a webpage on the internet. This is packets of data. My opinions will not influence anyone else's. My opinions will not change anything. They are merely ideas.
The more important fact is that no one gives a shit what I think in the first place.

So umm...


It's been like a year since I posted a journal here.
And I haven't really been around here much lately.

lol internets

Been so busy with college and work.

Right now I am skipping class XD

the audience is now gay

D: I commented on -rainbowgasm-'s journal but then realized it was a trap!1111!

The first ten people who reply to this journal get featured here, along with three of my favorite pieces by them.
The catch is: You have to put this in your journal as well

Do you value your freedom of artistic expression?
Do you value freedom at all?

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/676977/

http://nikura.ath.cx:5690/img/fur/kcehs.png

Don't let fascism win.

---

edit

---

some quotes for inspiration:
Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves. ~Abraham Lincoln
Liberty: One of Imagination's most precious possessions. ~Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
The patriot's blood is the seed of Freedom's tree. ~Thomas Campbell
For what avail the plough or sail, or land or life, if freedom fail? ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
No one is free when others are oppressed. ~Author Unknown
Liberty has never come from the government. Liberty has always come from the subjects of it. The history of liberty is a history of resistance. ~Woodrow Wilson
Let freedom never perish in your hands. ~Joseph Addison

http://nikuramon.blogspot.com/ or
http://nikuramon.livejournal.com/
That journal is pretty tl;dr.
And full of stuff no one really has any reason to care about.

So, short version.
I'm very depressed and going through hell. Angst angst angst.
I'm pretty much broken. Also I may leave or I may not and if I do leave, I dunno when or if I'll bother coming back.

Title: double journal extraordinare
Date: March 7th, 2007
Mood: wanna dance, excited, rave, bored
Tags: rave, work, responsability, mall

The reason I'm posting two today is because I never got around to posting the older one yesterday so I'm gonna post it backdated. I always wanted to try that.

Title: r4v3r
Date: March 6th, 2007
Mood: craving glowsticks and your warm embrace
Tags: rave, clubbing, writing, music, backdated

http://blog.myspace.com/nikuramon <-- myspace blog
http://nikuramon.blogspot.com/ <-- blogspot blog
http://nikuramon.livejournal.com/ <-- livejournal
http://nikuramon.vox.com/ <-- vox blog

"# unzip ; strip ; touch ; finger ; mount ; fsck ; more ; yes ; umount ; sleep"
-author unknown

Title: a mood swing
Date: March 5th, 2007
Mood: nrrrrrrrrrrrr, uggggghhhhh, down, up
Tags: emo, feeling sick, hyper, feeling good, scared, coffee

http://blog.myspace.com/nikuramon <-- myspace blog
http://nikuramon.blogspot.com/ <-- blogspot blog
http://nikuramon.livejournal.com/ <-- livejournal
http://nikuramon.vox.com/ <-- vox blog

Title: I want my nanites, plz
Date: March 2nd, 2007
Mood: the warmth of the sun striking my cheek, loved, bored, creative
Tags: blogging, work, art, hate, console, future

http://blog.myspace.com/nikuramon <-- myspace blog
http://nikuramon.blogspot.com/ <-- blogspot blog
http://nikuramon.livejournal.com/ <-- livejournal
http://nikuramon.vox.com/ <-- vox blog

Title: muh
Date: March 1st, 2007
Mood: cold, apathetic
Tags: laplace, school, tired, selfish, drinking, coding

http://blog.myspace.com/nikuramon
http://nikuramon.blogspot.com/
http://nikuramon.livejournal.com/
http://nikuramon.vox.com/

Title: feeling somewhat better
Date: February 28th, 2007
Mood: happy to be alive, affectionate.
Tags: laplace, being ignored, pain, school, myspace, art

http://blog.myspace.com/nikuramon
http://nikuramon.blogspot.com/
http://nikuramon.livejournal.com/
http://nikuramon.vox.com/

Title: A lonely week.
February 26th, 2007
Mood: bored, missing you,
Smelling: diesel fuel
Tags: music, insanity, reading week, sunrise, edmonton

http://nikuramon.blogspot.com/2007/.....nely-week.html <--I like this one, it is pretty IMHO
http://nikuramon.livejournal.com/23700.html

Date: Feb 23, 2007
Mood: Very unsatisfied, depressed, tired, lonely, missing you, hurt


*sighs* This has definately been a crappy reading week.
I hate school and work so much. And not just my own school, but the fact that school has stolen the most important person from me.
I started to plan out/write some poetry in my head lastnight at work. I'm not sure if I'll ever actually post it, but I may. It's shitty how when I have time to hang out with people, they don't have time for me. I understand that school needs to be peoples priority, but that doesn't take away the pain.
All I've really managed to acomplish this reading week was annoy someone and be depressed.
Apparently, wanting to be with people, wanting to be loved, and wanting to talk to them is too much. Fuck, I'm sick of this. I've been feeling so empty lately. I manage to feel ok for short periods of time, but I'm ALWAYS draged back down to this. *sighs* and since everyone is too busy to talk, I'm reduced to writing journal entries that will either be dissmissed as emo crap or likely not even read in the first place. I've been increasingly asking myself why I'm even bothering with the internet in the first place. It's the cause of most of my pain, yet I'm addicted to it, and it is also the source of my rare, but pleasant joy. The poems I've been thinking of all seem to have a common theme, holding you in my arms. Fuck I just want to fall asleep in your arms, to be with you, share life with you. I miss your voice, I miss the sounds you make.
Dammit, I can't even think straight anymore.
I tried to keep myself busy earlier, tried to do some coding... but I kept thinking of you.
Work has been shitty because they have been cutting shifts so I have to do the work of 3 people. They called me up, cause they need me to work tonight...
I agreed to go because I'm gonna feel like crap regardless, atleast if I'm at work I can't be a nuissance to you.
But it makes me sad because you'll either be asleep when I get home or busy. And if you aren't, you'll probably be talking to someone else instead.

Fuck, it's like I'm half writing an email and half writing a journal.

(to everyone who is confused, I don't even care anymore and it doesn't matter who 'you' is fuck I dunno even why I'm posting this, fuck fuck fuck.)

February, 14th, 2007.
Mood: Energetic/refreshed/excited

The end of one era...

...the beginning of another

Tags: blogs, blogging, social networking, weather, cold, sexshoes, notFail, school

Synopsis:
I decided to change the way I blog.
Details on one of the blogs listed below.

links:
-Blogs:
http://nikuramon.livejournal.com/
http://nikuramon.blogspot.com/
http://nikuramon.vox.com/
-Other:
http://del.icio.us/nikuramon
http://www.last.fm/user/nikuramon/

Thursday, February 8th, 2007.
Mood: blank, apathetic, numb

School:
Got my math midterm back. I did better than I should have, considering I didn't study and I hadn't payed any attention to any classes this semester. It was all from memory from when I was in engineering. My mark was above 60% (I'd have done better, but I got lost in the basement looking for the class so I lost about 10 minutes.)

Life:
I dunno, it's kinda odd. I haven't really been here lately. I've been here, but not _here_, you know? I haven't had much to talk about lately, nor have I created anything at all. It sucks because this always seems to happen. I'll get interested in something and then I'll become bored with it. This happened with drawing and web coding and writing stories. Most recently, I started getting into tracking (making music from samples, kinda like midi but better), and I was excited, but...
I guess it is sort of like writers block or something. Maybe a symptom of depression?

Programming:
Started on my biggest code thing yet.
It is still a pretty small project, but it is the biggest I've done (and it spans multiple files too).
I've been wondering how I should handle version tracking though. Any suggestions are welcome. (cause I'm working on this on different computers) PLZ ADVISE.

Networking:
I completed the first stage of my network rebuild the other day. I wish my switch was gigabit though. I figured out that I should use the 100mbps uplink port to connect to the router :D. I also learned how poorly my network was set up in the first place. Now that I have new knowledge, I can work on improving it. Of course, my server is currently not accessible from outside my network. But Pi figured out my problem with it and my mac! I was using a bad port :( (the one OSX uses for mDNS). He also helped me fix the code so that links work better. These are things I'll know to check for in the future.
I think it is getting pretty close to the point where I format EVERYTHING and rebuild the entire network from scratch. My filesystem is absolute shit. Duplicate files, no organization, arg! It makes backing up stuff to be a pain in the ass (I still do though, but I want to make it easier for myself because I am lazy). (And trying to FIND a file... good luck with that). I've been wanting to add a fileserver with raid for a while, and I think I will once I have the money. I also want to get my server to the point where I have some redundancy and can do hosting for people. (Probably have a pair of servers and using the freebsd jail system). Of course, I need to get bigger upload, but yeah, some day. Oh, also, anyone know of any GPL software that can manage SNMP?
I know it kinda seems overkill for a network that is essentially the network in my room, but I like playing with these things, I like learning computer and network things. One of my systems probably needs to be replaced pretty soon. I suspect that when it's northbridge fan died, the chip got slightly damaged. This might explain the memory errors I had been encountering.

Wow, this entry is getting huge. For someone who had nothing to say, I sure said a lot. Thanks to anyone who read this all.

Oh! before I forget, send me love plz:
http://wishroll.com/valentinr/nikuramon
[img]http://wishroll.com/widget/valentin.....amon.jpg[/img]
http://wishroll.com/valentinr <--Get your own valentinr
[img=null][img=http://wishroll.com/widget/valentin.....nikuramon.jpg]Valentine thing
(ARG WTF, FA STILL CAN'T PARSE HTML?)
(and now, a second edit because FA fails so badly. I know bbcode. Which it looks like you guys attempted to impliment (and very poorly, aparently). Seriously, you've had so much time to work on this site and yet, you can't get the fucking search to work and the journal system hasn't been improved for ages. I was dissapointed before and now I'm even more so. And I hear your datacenter can't even handle a DDOS. WTF, guys. If you were on a home connection, I'd understand, but how can your DC not be able to rapidly null route the offending traffic?)
(third edit. I refuse to even bother any more. just imagine a picture there. FA, you fucking fail so bad, I am disgusted at your coders. And I don't want to hear any Ferrox bullshit either.)

And now, cause I luff you all so much, more stuff about me (PS: I stole it from Kiwi):

A - AVAILABLE: fgsfds

B - BIRTHDAY: Jan 5th

C - CRUSHING: yep

D - DRINK YOU LAST HAD: French Vanilla Cappuccino

E - EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO: hmmm... Cori, Dani, Mel, and Laura are pretty easy to talk to. Although I rarely get to talk to them.

F - FAVORITE BAND: Either 'The Paper Chase' or 'Freezepop'. Perhaps both.

G - GUMMY BEARS OR GUMMY WORMS: I DUNNO :( Either would be nice.

H - HOMETOWN: Edmonton

I - INSTRUMENT: ummm... I'm musically challenged. I do fancy the guitar and piano though. I was singing along with music last night while I coded.

J - JUGGLE: Sorry, I am unable to.

K - KILLED SOMEONE: Not yet.

L - LONGEST CAR RIDE: I do not remember.

M - MILKSHAKE FLAVOR: Hmm... I do like mint milkshakes a lot. (Rootbeer ones are awesome though)

N - NUMBER OF SIBLINGS: 2.

O - ONE WISH: To be with the ones I love.

P - PERSON WHO CALLED YOU: Think that would be Laura

Q - QUACK?: wut

R - REASON TO SMILE: Love

S - SONG YOU LAST HEARD: Love Inc. - Broken Bones

T - TIME YOU WOKE UP: Not sure. 6:15 am, maybe? (I wouldn't really consider myself awake though)

U - UNDERWATER OR OVER: Over. I am not good at the swimming, and I prefer to not drown on most occasions.

V - VEGETABLE YOU HATE: WHAT! HATE VEGETABLES!? THIS IS BLASPHEMY! I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I WORK WITH VEGETABLES AND THEY ARE QUITE GOOD. ASDFHJKL!!!!!!

W - WORST HABIT: Being shy, :( not taking opportunities when I can, not thinking before I act.

X - X-RAYS YOU'VE HAD: Well, I had X-rays that indicated I had broken my collar bone and it healed before I even knew. And I've had the dental X-rays.

Y - YOUR LAST CANDY: WHAT! I DO NOT EAT CANDY I HAVE TO WATCH MY GIRLISH FIGURE!

Z - ZODIAC SIGN: I'm the one in January, you know? The one that looks like a goat or something. Oh, right, Capricorn. I think.

1.) When showering, do you start the water and then get in or get in and start the water?:
First, I start the water, making sure it is sufficiently hot (once I'm in, I'll turn the temperature almost up to scalding, gradually). Once the short pipe to the shower head has warmed up, I stop the flow, open the curtain, and step in, resuming the flow and practically melting as I relax.

2.) Do you read the labels on the shampoo bottle?:
yep. more out of boredom than out of any actual concern for the ingredients or the instructions.

3.) Do you moan in the shower like the people on the herbal essence commercial?:
Not when I'm using the shampoo, no, but when I stand there, the steamy water hitting the back of my neck, my shoulders, caressing my back as it flows in hot rivulets down my spine... I do purr a bit in pleasure. *closes his eyes, his pulse quickening*
*shivers* showers feel so good.

5.) Have you ever been forced to shower with one of your siblings?
Baths with my brother when I was like 5 or something, I vaguely remember.

6.) Have you ever brushed your teeth while in the shower?:
no. I had not even considered the possibility until this moment

7.) Have you ever dropped your soap on your foot?:
not that I can remember

9.) How old do you look?
People say I look older than I am. I dunno how old I look. 23 maybe?

10.) What's the last song you heard/sang?
Hmm... something by freezepop. Stakeout, I think.

11.) Have you recently become a member of anything?:
I don't believe so.

12.) What are your plans for the weekend?:
Homework and work, probably. Also, I hope to hang out with Kevan, or my best friend, Chris, or Laura. Or any combination of them.

13.) What is your mood at the moment?:
kinda lonely. Bored. Wanting to be home, chatting with my friends.

14.) Have you ever ridden a mechanical bull?:
:O sounds kinda hot :P
seriously though, I haven't. I've never even seen one.

17.) Have you ever called anyone a slut?:
I believe so

18.) Has anyone ever called you a slut?:
yes. And I totally am. e-slut ftw!

19). Have you ever smuggled something into America?:
not yet ;)

20.) Does playing a guitar make someone more attractive?:
mh. it really depends on the person.

21.) Do you live in a city with a good sports team?:
Hell yeah! Edmonton Oilers! Hockey is awesome!

25.) Do you have more enemies or more friends?:
Well, considering that I'm incredibly likable, I don't know why anyone would ever have any reason to want to be my enemy. So I definitely have more friends. (and the more friends the better)

26.) Have you ever sent an anonymous letter?:
I do not believe so.

27.) Can you fix your own car?:
If I had a car, the answer would be yes because I'm like that. Although I probably wouldn't have tons of time to tinker, I'd know how to fix things that I have tools for.

28.) Do you like staying up late?:
Yes. Unless I just feel like sleeping

29.) Are you smarter than your friends?:
I am smarter than a lot of people.
And less intelligent than some.
So it is hard to say. Intelligence isn't the only thing that matters, either.
I think my friends are smarter than me in some areas.

30.) Have you ever stolen anything from your friends?
;_; I wouldn't do something like that.

31.) Have you ever been to jail?:
no.

33) Do you like the smell of beer?:
beer smells disgusting so no.

34.) Have you ever died or killed someone in a dream?:
I think so... I rarely remember my dreams though

35.) Have you ever given to charity?:
yes

36.) Would you kill a dog for $1000?:
...no. I wouldn't.
(although, there may be circumstances like if nothing can be done, and it is going to die slowly and painfully and I could choose to let it die quickly with little pain... although I have no right to make a decision like that)

37.) Do you ever get depressed?
...all the time.
way too often.

38.) Do you live with your parents?:
uh huh. It sucks but I mooch off of them for electricity and internets of which I use lots. Still really sucks though. :(

39.) Do you have plans for your future?:
I have an outline of what I would -like- to happen, but nothing ever goes according to plan.

You are
[] short, under 5'4"
[] 5'4"- 5'5"
[] 5'5"- 5'6"
[] 5'6"- 5'7 ''
[x] 5'7"- 6'0"
[] tall, 6'1" and up


NATURALLY
[] blonde .... and proud of it.
[] redhead
[] brunette
[] dirty blonde
[] brownish
[x] dark brown
[x] black
[] indian red/light brown

[] blue-eyed
[] brown-eyed
[] black-eyed
[] green-eyed
[x] hazel-eyed
[] gold/gray-eyed
[] silver/gray- eyed
[] blue/green-eyed
[] blue/gray-eyed
[x] green/gray-eyed
[] they change colors

[x] glasses
[] contacts
[x] neither (I only wear them in class or if I'm driving, otherwise my vision is fine)
[] both

[x] short hair
[] medium hair
[] long hair


Your favorite color(s) are:
[x] red
[] khaki
[x] aqua
[] pink
[] hot pink
[] yellow
[] black
[] green
[] lime green
[x] blue
[] white
[x] turquoise
[x] silver
[] purple
[] brown
[x] orange (copper actually <3)
[x] grey
[x] fuschia
[] maroon
[] gold
[x] teal
[] coral
[x] clear
[x] bronze
[x] I don't really care
[x] rainbow (lol)
[x] I basically like all colors

Your personality is sometimes...
[x] talkative
[x] shy
[x] funny
[x] serious
[x] laid back
[x] strict
[x] hyper
[x] sarcastic
[x] slow



You like listening to:
[x] pop
[x] country (a little)
[] Christian
[x] orchestral/classical (think movie-music)
[x] techno
[] oldies
[x] opera
[x] 80's
[x] disco
[] rap
[] R&B
[x] classic rock
[x] pop punk
[x] metal
[] reggae
[x] rock
[x] alt/indie rock
[] emo
[] ska
[] showtunes
[x] lots of different stuff



The pets you have/had?
[x] cat (omg purr purr purr I love cats)
[] dog (I want one plz)
[] lizard
[] rat
[] ferret
[] bunny
[x] fish (they are all dead now)
[] horse
[] bird
[] frog
[] hermit crab
[] turtle
[] hamster
[] snake
[] gerbil
[] guinea pig
[] pig
[] goat
[] chinchilla
[] tarantula
[] geese
[] baby chicks
[] baby ducklings
[] none



Your confessions:
[x] I'm afraid of silence (so afraid of being alone)
[x] I am really ticklish
[] I'm afraid of the dark
[] I've collected comic books
[] I sometimes shut out others
[x] I open up to others TOO easily
[x] I read the newspaper (infrequently)
[] I love Disney movies
[x] I am a sucker for gorgeous eyes
[x] I am a sucker for a gorgeous smile
[] I don't kill bugs (I kill them with great fury)
[] I have "x"s in my screen name
[x] I bake well (definition of bake plz.)
[] I have worn pajamas to class
[] I love Martha Stewart
[] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS
[x] I am self-conscious
[x] I love to laugh
[] I can't swallow pills
[] I bite my nails
[x] I play computer games when I'm bored
[x] I have gotten lost in the city (many times)
[] I have gone out in public in my pajamas
[] I have made out in an elevator (not yet)
[] I have been skydiving
[] I have been bungee jumping
[x] I have bitten someone
[] I have egged or rolled a house/car
[] I have smashed into a car (with my bike)
[] I have been fired
[] I have been skinny dipping

Have you ever...
[] Seen a shooting star
[x] Joke proposed to anyone (I was proposed to today D:)
[x] Gotten stitches (maybe when I had my wisdom teeth out)
[x] Eaten Sushi
[x] Gotten the chicken pox
[x] Ridden in a taxi
[] Been on a cruise ship
[x] Driven over 400 miles in one day
[x] Been on a plane by yourself
[] Had surgery
[] Seen a movie more than 3 times in the theater
[x] Been on stage
[x] Gotten a black eye (kicked in the head while training, lol)
[x] Memorized all the dialogue in a movie
[] Watched an entire baseball game

Do you like...
[x] Old movies
[] Musicals
[] Blasting music in your car (I have no car)
[x] Foreign foods
[x] Gameboy, Pokemon, etc.
[x] Christmas time
[x] Animals
[x] Coffee
[x] Tea (meh, it's ok)
[x] Summer
[x] Winter (ohhh so pretty)



TWOS OF EVERY KIND

Two Names You Go By: Derek, Niku.
Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now: jeans. a black shirt. a leather jacket
Two Places You Want to go on Vacation: The US. Perhaps europe. Maybe Japan.
Two favorite animals? Foxes and Cats
Two Reasons you're doing this survey: fucking bored


Spell your name without vowels: Drk
How many pairs of jeans do you own?: dunno. maybe 4 or 6?
What color(s) do you wear most often?: black
Last song heard on the radio?: *shrugs* dunno
What's for dinner tonight?: who knows
Are you happy with your life right now?: a little bit

[Do you own a...]
- Wii?: hell no!
- XBOX?: my brother has one
- XBOX 360?: hell no!!
- PSP?: yep
- Gamecube?: my sister has one
- Digital Camera?: hell yeah!


In what state or country do you want to go to school
after highschool?
Well... there are a lot of people in the US that I NEED to meet so badly.
But here is fine, I don't plan on moving unless there is something/someone I want to be with.

Do you shop at stores like Aeropostale and American Eagle?
not that I know of. However I posses no aversion of such shops.

How do you make money?:
with my good looks?
lol, no. I work a job I like to call produce technician cause it sounds cooler but basically it involves me stocking the produce department at my store.

Last thing you bought?
a cappuccino

How's the weather?:
well, there is a beautiful sunrise, painting the sky with colors, but it is around -12c so it is a little cold.

When did you start summer break?:
I have no clue. Last year when I was kicked out of engineering, I had no classes from january till september

Favorite pair of shoes:
hmm... well, I guess I like my hightop hiking ones. They are made by Columbia (in Vietnam, apparently. lol, I had to look at the tag. actually, that reminds me. My electronics teacher went to 'nam, or so he tells us. (and he got hit with shrapnel and shot and stuff))
For me, as long as shoes fit and are comfortable and look ok, then they are ok.

Do you own big sunglasses?:
lol, yes.
But I also own cool looking ones like in the pictures I take of myself.

Do you find yourself attractive?:
I didn't before I was a camwhore. Now I think I'm ...ok looking. (cause everyone seems to tell me I look good or hot or sexy but I think it is lies! but it makes me feel good to believe it sometimes.)

What should you be doing right now?:
Rebuilding my network (and optimizing it and such), working on assignments so I don't keep falling behind, etc.

Who did you hug today?:
no one yet today. hmm... behind on my quota *thinks of people to hug*
but yesterday, I was hugging Kevan a lot.

How many beds did you lay in yesterday?:
only mine, (yesterday, anyway ;))

What color shirt are you wearing:
black.

Name one thing that you do everyday?:
...
err... lol.
umm... I live everyday (well, actually I'm not 100% sure all the time. cause sometimes I feel like I'm dead inside)

What is the color of your bedroom walls?:
a very light green

What's your favorite sport?:
taekwondo

When was the last time you saw your dad?:
just this morning.

What did you have for dinner last night:
roast beef, I think.

Look to your left, what do you see?:
at the moment, some chairs a table, a bare concrete wall, the dirty tile floor and the ceiling with recessed lighting

Do you have plants in your room?:
none of which I am aware of. Plants do not love me and just die which makes me sad

What's your favorite starbucks drink?:
mocchino or something like that (weird names, omfg)

Recent time you were really upset?:
hmm... XD I get really upset all the time so I dunno.

--eof--

11:26PM. January 22, 2007

I went to see the Edmonton Symphony Orchestra tonight. I guess I wasn't sure exactly what to expect as they were to be playing video game music.
Nothing could have prepared me for the site that greeted me once I stepped through the doors into the building.
In jarring contrast to outside, it was absolutely packed with people. Some bright colors caught my eyes and I turned and saw a girl cosplaying as KOS-MOS. Her costume was great and she looked really hot. Another girl was cosplaying as Eva from MGS3, she was so hot. One girl had a fullbody Red XIII costume. This was my favorite costume of all of them. I wanted to hug her, she looked so cuddly. There were vendors and displays set up. I watched some noobs play guitar hero II.
Anyway, it was time for the performance to start so I took my seat.
The orchestra filled the stage, and a large screen was set up for video playback. They started with Pong and Space Invaders. The Edmonton Symphony Orchestra did a superb job the entire night, backed by Kokopelli & Oran Chamber Choir. Lee Ann Leung did two piano solos. I've never seen anyone move their hands that fast before.
I apologize for my poor description, but... this is something that has to be experienced, I just can't do justice to it with words. To me, the most memorable parts of the night were when they played the music from Metal Gear Solid. That particular song always makes my heart swell with pride. (they also had a guy in a box on the stage which was totally awesome and a guard with a exclamation mark). The Myst and Sonic the Hedgehog music really brought back memories. Liberi Fatali and One Winged Angel and the Halo songs were absolutely perfect.
There is simply no substitute for seeing something like this live. The power and emotion of it is simply astounding. It is one thing to listen to music on speakers while playing a game, but this was so much more. And the lightshow was fantastic too.
It was a magical and wonderful night and I'd like to thank all involved for the awesome show.
http://www.videogameslive.com/video/vglpromo2.wmv (about half way through you get to see some of the performance)
http://www.videogameslive.com/

There is so much more I could say, but I should get some rest because I have class in the morning.

1. Do you like animals?
yes+++++++++++++++;

2. Have you ever met an online friend in person?
Oh hell yeah! :) it was neat.

3. Are you athletic?
Well, I used to do martial arts

4. Are you: thin, fat, athletically built etc:?
I'm pretty average.

5. How much do you weigh?
155lbs I think

6. What's your height?
5'11"

7. Shoe size?
I think it is 11 or 12, I forget

8. Girls- are you tomboyish, girly, normal, etc?
If I was a girl, I'd want to be athletic and tomboyish and have the pretty hair and probably be like a b-cup or something and I'd have sort of this indie fashion thing going, but maybe sort of punk-rock fashion or raver stuff. <3

9. Guys- Are you girly, or guyish?
Depends on my mood, lol.

10. How old are you?
21

11. When's your birthday?
January 5th, 1986

12. Do you like to receive giftart?
:O who doesn't?
It is one of my favorite things ever.

13. Are you sociable?
I am incredibly sociable and affectionate.

14. Do you have many friends?
The more the better! And I have tons.

15. What's your nationality?
I'm a Canadian, eh.

16. Do you like to talk on the phone?
Yes, though I prefer skype

17. Are you single or taken?
I want love plz.

18. Do you eat meat?
yep

19. Are you paranoid?
not so much, no

20. Do you read a lot?
I used to...

21. Do you listen to music, what kind?
My taste in music is pretty eclectic. I'll listen to just about anything.

22. Do you play any instruments?
well, I play beatmania and guitar hero

23. How long have you been drawing?
lolol, I remember drawing silly things as a little kid.

24.What’s the meaning of life?
Essentially, the meaning of life is to propagate the species. The rest is what you make of it.

January 19th, 2007
10:10 am
Mood: annoyed

Rant on the current state of the raping of the english language:
Ok, this has been pissing me off for quite some time now, and I saw some things today that reminded me I should rant about it. First, let me state that I'm all for individuality. Think different, act different, etc. But spelling words the wrong way is not individuality. I saw a pizza place on my way to school this morning. It had "SLYCES AVAILABLE" written on the window. Then there was a restaurant with a sign stating "specail kids menu." Hell, porn sites are atrocious for spelling and grammar. Children are using chatspeak in their essays and teachers are letting them. The english language is a beautiful thing and it tears holes in my heart to see it raped in such a brutal manner.
There are rules for the english language. Rules are for breaking. But learn the language properly first. Break the rules once you know what you are doing.
Also, when you write something, get someone else to check it. JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE SPELLCHECK AND A GRAMMAR CHECKER DOES NOT MEAN YOU DO NOT NEED PROOFREADING. You will miss things; trust me on this.
-now I know I'm not one to talk, because I am not perfect. I make tons of mistakes. And if you find any, you're welcome to point them out to me.-
One other thing before I leave this topic. "lol hi how r u" is not proper english, nor is "lol u tk him 2 da bar" or "y?". I can somewhat understand for phones, because it can be awkward for some people to type on them, but still, when someone comes on MSN and talks to me like that, my opinion of them rapidly falls. TAKE THE TIME AND EFFORT TO TYPE THINGS OUT. TAKE THE TIME AND EFFORT TO AT LEAST ATTEMPT TO FIX YOUR SPELLING AND GRAMMAR BEFORE YOU SEND THE MESSAGE. (some abbreviations are ok, however, you should use them sparingly). The only proper use for 'l337 sp33k' is to make fun of it.
This goes for roleplaying too. Put some effort in. I don't expect paragraphs or Charles Dickens, or Shakespeare, but at least try your best.

Other stuff (life):
I took the first step on wednesday morning. I scheduled my classes and some labs and assignments in iCal. I then synched it with my iPod. (I didn't do this last semester and missed some assignments because of it). I then scheduled an appointment with my academic advisor for next wednesday. Of course, I didn't take any action based on the scheduled assignments yet, but... I'm at least trying.
I'm working tonight and then tomorrow too. I miss reading. When I used to have tons of time to sit around all day and devour a good book.

January 16th, 2007.
8:05 am
Mood: meh

Tired.
So very very tired.


Whiny/emo stuff that no one really cares about so I dunno why I'm including it but whatever:
Sometimes I wish I could be a computer. A cold, emotionless, logical box. As opposed to inhabiting this fragile mortal coil. Logic is beautiful. It is predictable. My reasoning and thoughts are so very easily influenced by minor chemical changes. Given identical data sets, I can arrive at many different conclusions simply due to my mood. Computers don't get tired. My server is nearing 300 days of uptime and it hasn't complained. It hasn't written whiny journals. It hasn't procrastinated, nor has it agonized over relationships.

But, without emotions, I doubt life would be worth living. Without experiencing the depths of suffering, the euphoric highs would be meaningless. Without emotion, I wouldn't even feel those highs.

I guess what prompted this was how I felt this morning. I just didn't see the point of getting out of bed. I've been pretty snappy and irritable lately too. I often compare myself with a sinusoidal function. My mood has a tendency to change frequently. It is hard to describe how I feel right now. Currently, I'm having difficulty focusing on anything at all. I have basically no motivation what so ever. I feel incredibly tired yet restless at the same time. I don't want to be around people, but I don't want to be alone. It sorta feels like depression, but I feel too numb, too blank at the moment to be certain.

I haven't been doing my homework. I -know- better than this. I keep telling myself I'll do it, but I don't. I haven't been paying attention in class. Why am I paying to be here when I don't even care anymore? At my current rate, I won't complete the program.
I don't want to work in produce all my life; I don't want to be in school. I want to work with computers and networking equipment. But every day, it just gets harder and harder to get up.

Date: January 11th, 2007
Time: 11:23AM
Mood: sortakinda bored
Music: mewmewmewmewmewmewmewmewmewmew

Programming:
ooooooooo fgsfds!!!!
i r idiot
I forgot to fucking null terminate ;_;
no wonder my program gave odd output.

School:
I spoke to the academic advisor. If I pass all courses this semester, she'll turn my fail in digital fundamentals into a pass.
As for courses, my hardware repair course and operating systems course seem to be utterly pointless for me. I know the material they are covering inside and out.
The second electronics course interests me at the moment; we are learning semiconductor physics and it is neat!
English... yeah. The technical writing course I took in university went into the material in greater depth than this course. I'll see if I can get credit for it so I can lighten my course load a little bit.
C++ is interesting. This course is going at a faster pace and I am actually having to put a little effort in to finish the in class assignments in time! I like it!
Math... lulz. The prof is a Ph.D. and wears a lab-coat with a super man symbol on the back but it has a 'M' instead of a 'S' (an sounds better but I think a is actually correct, please to correcting me) and the words "MATH MAN". It is basically the same stuff I did in university calculus for 1.5 years.

Donuts:
I was hungry. I left class and got a bunch of donuts. They are very tasty. I also have a capachino because omfg yummy!

Art:
Have been quite bored in class. Drew my math prof a bunch of times.
Also drew kitties and puppies. And some six-breasted kitten thing??? wtf? I dunno why, I was really bored.

Writing:
Started writing a fan-fiction about Kirk and Spock.
Pondered writing about:
Steve Jobs x Bill Gates
Torvalds x Bill Gates + penguin suit
Torvalds x Stallman
Hitler x musolini x churchill
archimedes x Pythagorus x some other one that I forgot
umm... I probably won't finish any of these, nor am I taking them seriously, but ....(actually, I got the idea cause I wanted to offend a star trek fan in my class)
THIS IS WHY IT IS BAD WHEN I AM BORED!!111!!ELEVIN!!1BBQ

Weather:
...
...
...
Winter had been very cold and harsh. Then it warmed up and wasn't so bad.
But, yesterday...
There was a blizzard. And It went down to -27C. While driving to school, visibility was 0 at times. A complete white out. I took pics and made some cellphone videos that I'll upload at some point.
I think some people in the area were snowed in.

Date: January 8th, 2007
Time: 7:50AM
Mood: Awesome
Music: NIN - with teeth cd (on my iPod)

Guess it's been a while since I last updated.
I hope you all had great holidays; I know I did. :)
(lol, is that improper semicolon usage? I forget.)

So anyway, last week was... a little depressed, I guess.
Christmas went well. I guess the biggest thing I got was the iPod. It is 80GB (which is double the size of the HDD in my iBook - a good thing since I have maybe 4GB left on my iBook). I got some lights and stuff for my case. I love LEDs. Love them so much. And electro-lumenescent tape. I stuck another fan in my case but there were no mount points left for it. I took out a HDD tray and umm... duct taped it in. ^_^; (hey, it's temporary, until I decide exactly where I want it). Oh, I dusted out the case too. A day before christmas eve, I had to work. It was good actually because my boss gave me a box of chocolates and pizza and pop. And I like it when it is busy because it goes by so fast.

New years was... well, it sucked! Cause I was sick. My sinus infection pretended to get better then on new years it launched a sneak attack against me and I was in bed most of the time. But I chatted with my buddies on the net so I guess it wasn't so bad.

My birthday was a little depressing. Oh, it was on the fifth. Dunno if I mentioned it or not. I turned 21. :( I don't want to get old. Got guitar hero II. It is pretty fun. And battlefield 2142... which I suck at... so badly. Lol, ramboing is bad :(

But... saturday... omfg.
My best friend came over.
He brought my Catalyst 1900 managed switch.
He brought my 2 Cisco 1005 routers.
We made cables for them (DB9 to RJ-45 serial console cables).
We booted the Switch. It has 12 10baseT ports, FDDI uplink port (fiber optic with lasers <3), and a 100baseT uplink port. Oh, and an AUI and console port. It's lights blinked (there were a lot) as it performed it's POST. There is a fan in this switch. It appears to be running catOS which is slightly disappointing but the routers run IOS which is awesome.
We logged into the console.
It was awesome.
The power this switch gives me...
Just thinking about it makes my heart race.
By pressing a button on the front, you can find out the bandwidth usage and also which ports are in full-duplex mode. It even has a built-in HTTP server. And I can set up VLANs on it.
The routers are going to be slightly more difficult. We still need to build power cords for them. And a special serial cable so that the two routers can talk to eachother. Just thinking about it makes me so excited. I dunno if CIDR and BGP and other things get normal people excited but they sure drive me wild.

Oh, I also redid the sound system in my room. Replaced the aging 5.1 surround that was failing with a Sony receiver and 2 Bose speakers. The sound quality is signifigantly better. At some point I'll add some more speakers to it.

Anyway, classes are starting so I'd better go. Thanks for reading. Have great days, everyone!

Umm...
I was gonna post this a lot sooner, but then stuff happened and yeah, didn't get around to it.

Thursday:
Thursdays exams went well, even the math one. I remembered a lot of the calculus things from when I was in engineering. The networking exam after lunch was a breeze. That evening, I discovered I had high blood pressure which could partially explain my headaches and nosebleeds. My heartrate was really fast too. Perhaps, if I get some time, I'll have a doctor check.

Friday:
This day was hell. My head was pounding and I ached all over. I didn't want to get up and almost was unable to. My limbs felt so heavy.
The first exam was brutal. But I figured out bits of it.
Then I went to the mall for lunch and then saw the pets at the petstore. And I looked at these puppies. And one of them was crying. I wanted to pet him so badly but I couldn't. So I looked at chinchillas. They were so cute. And my parents won't let me have any more pets :(. So I got a siberian huskies calendar and they are sooooooo adorable.
Then I had to write my Digital Fundamentals exam. It didn't go well at all. I tried to remember the bits I payed attention to but... my head hurt so bad and I felt like puking. I wanted to get out of there. I panicked. I did maybe half of the test and of that half, I guessed on most of it.

Saturday:
Went out for a bit, then slept most of the day and all night.

Sunday:
Laid around, slept some. Did nothing I can remember.

Monday, tuesday:
See sunday.

Wednesday, thursday:
I had to work. It is very busy because Christmas.

---

Now:
http://www.last.fm/user/nikuramon/ I'm at last.fm now. They actually have my kind of music there.

Got my marks, mostly passed, lol.
Math: C-
Soldering: A+
Basic Electricity: D+
Digital Fundamentals: F
C++ programming 1: A-
Career overview: pass
Open System Interconnection: B

I'm really surprised I passed electricity, especially since I didn't hand in most of the labs or assignments. I knew I was going to fail digital fundamentals. Laziness brought me down in programming and OSI.

Awww, my cat is sprawled on the bed, right next to me.

I took a bunch of pics the other day but only uploaded a few because of laziness.
I have to head to work pretty soon.
Thanks everyone who has been supporting me and keeping me mostly sane.

*sighs* I'm so screwed.

Finals.
Tomorrow.
Two of them.
And one is math.
Which I am very close to failing.

The other one is internetworking.
I know open systems interconnection inside and out.

Friday is another two exams.

And then there is another one on some other day.

Fuck.

I have a bunch of programs due by 16:00 today.
I don't even get home till 18:00.

And I'm tired but wired at the same time.

//warning, emo ahead, you've been warned

I wrote my programming lab exam this morning. I completed two out of three programs. And the last one was almost working. But I ran out of time debugging. I want to blame Visual Studio for being such a piece of crap for quick debugging, but in the end, it is my fault. And... it really sucks that I could not complete the program. Programming is my passion, it is what I am good at. Well, I thought I was good at it.

I'm not even done being sick yet :(
And ofcourse I just have to be on the verge of a breakdown.
The fact that everyone else is all stressed and busy because of exams really doesn't help. The more crushed I get, the more clingy and needy. And I have no one to hold me.

I'm... feeling... I'm not even sure. I feel stressed and depressed. But it is overlaid with a cold, numbness.

I'm not even sure why I bother any more, because it isn't going to get any better as time progresses. I haven't become a better student. Infact I've gotten worse. I've lost almost all my ability to focus and I feel like I have no motivation anymore. I just want to curl up into a ball and kill -s TERM 1
//assuming my pid was 1, but I'm not that important
I just want to return my fucking zero and terminate.
I'm so sick and tired of all of this.
And it sucks when you want to talk to a close friend you like but they would rather talk to someone else. Or they are too busy and then when they are done, they have someone else to talk to. Or you are talking to them and someone calls and they are more important.
...*breathes deeply* I could go on, but... yeah, no one wants to hear me whine.


I want to get home and crawl into bed. And talk to friends. Please.
And then sleep.

(some guys from a linux class were sitting by me and were worried about their exams and I jumped in and told them the correct commands and how to use them and it was so fucking obvious but I think this must just be a stupid class or something cause I know more than them and I've never taken the course)