Somehow I remembered my password for this account lol. To anyone still watching this ancient thing, you can find me on my new account here: https://www.furaffinity.net/user/pestdeath/

Be seeing you!

Yeaaah, Nomi is coming back to FA, hah. TL;DR life went to shit and now I'm back doing art.

I wanna work more on actual anthros and human form though, so I'm kinda backing off the skulls thing that I'm known for. Granted, I want to learn more about proportions and such and there's a bit I'm bad at still (hands, faces, etc). That being said, Im kinda looking for another character to experiment some sketches and such with.

Nomi ain't picky (well, he kinda is) but male and female partners are totally cool as long as he's the dom in the mix up xD So if any of you that reads this wants to volunteer as tribute (kek) I'll sketch some stuff up and we'll see what happens :3

Send me notes :D

Also, please don't be disappointed if I decline your character, it's not personal =\

Kay, so, by now you all know my stand-point on the whole Artist Beware/SJW/Internet Lawyer bit. You guys have read my journals, I'm sure, so you likely know that I'm hesitant to upload to begin with because I just don't want to deal with that shit right now.

Now, another thing you may not know about what I don't upload art anymore is because I just don't generally give a fuck about negative feedback. I don't. I really don't give a shit about your opinion on my art and if I did, I'd ask for it. Unfortunately, there are a multitude of people in the world who make it their god damn mission to debase the artistic abilities and skills of people on a whim without ever being asked and then make it their sole mission therein after to make the artist feel like shit for responding accordingly.

To put this into perspective... When I work on something for five hours? The last thing I want to hear is all the bullshit you've found wrong with it. I'm sorry it didn't meet your expectations and I apologize that it doesn't live up to your standards (actually, I don't, because I don't do commission/YCHs or what have you, the art is mine and the characters 9/10 are mine as well, so IDGAF).

Now, when you come up to me and spout off all the bullshit you think is wrong with the art or whatever I'm working on... then when I tell you, "Oh, okay, well let me just stop arting all together" you say something along the lines of, "stop being so pessimistic"? That's a sure-fire way to get on my shitlist PERMANENTLY.

Nothing is more fucking infuriating than when you basically decide/assume how someone is acting or behaving and telling them what they are. You pretty much are taking control away from that person and making them feel as though they are forced to be what you say they are because - let's face it - you're not going to fucking listen otherwise.

"Quit being pessimistic"
"I'm not"
"Yes you are"

^ That shit right there? Deserves a shotgun blast to the kidneys. This is how you establish yourself as an asshole to people.

If a child comes up to you with a picture that they colored and you basically say, "Its shit" and then they break down and start crying (because they made something for you and you basically just shit all over it to them) you know what you -don't- do?

You -DON'T- go about and tell them, "Quit crying".

Pretty much the same fucking thing when it comes to art. If someone spends hours working on something, politely say what you don't like about it - or better yet - DON'T! Just shut the fuck up and let them have their moment! You don't even have to personally fucking enjoy the shit, just smile, nod, and go about your god damn day unless they specifically ask -YOU- for your opinion.

Or, yanno, you can make them feel dejected and when they respond accordingly you can go the extra mile and say that they're being all negative and shit. Because that's totally how constructive criticism works.

At any rate, hopefully that offers a little more light as to why I don't upload my art anymore and why I just generally don't do that much around here on FurAffinity to begin with.

Years ago my heart turned to an hourglass full of sand. It's taken me that long to realize that I can simply flip the hourglass over.

Welp.

This weekend sucked. Everything about it, really. Bunch of bullshit culminating to me making the conscious decision to try my hand at alcohol poisoning last night. Surprisingly difficult to achieve that once you black out, apparently. Anyway, the general gist was it was either go to a bar and try to off myself through liver failure or go home and try my hand at Russian Roulette: Single Player with a .38 hollow-point.

Don't remember much of last night. Remember ordering my fifth Jack/Coke (double) and then saying hello to a friend who went up there.... then waking up at my other friend's place on their couch.

But... whatever. Still alive, still breathing, so. Good news for you guys I guess.

For those of your who role-play you'll be happy to know that I've decided to add my F-list links on my profile. Starting with just my Cheetah for now, as I get acclimated to it.

Feel free to peruse and, if you role-play and are interested, hit me up!

https://www.f-list.net/c/raphael%20colridge

I'm afraid of...
[] the dark
[x] staying single forever
[x] being a parent
[] giving birth
[] being myself in front of others (not exactly but fear of being judged)
[] open spaces
[] closed spaces
[x] heights
[] dogs
[] birds
[] fish
[] flowers or other plants
So far: 3

[] being touched
[] fire
[x] deep water
[] snakes
[] silk
[x] the ocean
[] failure
[] success
[] thunder/lightning
[] frogs/toads
[] my boyfriends/girlfriends dad
[] boyfriends/girlfriends mom
[] rats
[] jumping from high places
[] snow
So far: 5

[] rain
[] wind
[] crossing hanging bridges
[x] death
[x] heaven
[] being robbed
[] falling
[] clowns
[] dolls
[] large crowds of people
[] men
[] women
[] having great responsibilities
[] doctors, including dentists
[] tornadoes
So far: 7

[] hurricanes
[] incurable diseases
[] sharks
[] Friday the 13th
[] ghosts
[] poverty
[] Halloween
[] school
[] trains
[] odd numbers
[] even numbers
[] being alone
[x] becoming blind
[] becoming deaf
[] growing up
So far: 8

[] creepy noises in the night
[] bee stings
[] not accomplishing my dreams/goals
[] blood
[] dinosaurs
[] the welcome mat
[] high speed
[] throwing up
[x] falling in love
[] super secrets
So far: 9


If you get more than 30, I strongly recommend some counseling
If you get more than 20, you're paranoid.
If you get 10-20, you are normal.
If you get 10 or less, you're fearless!

Certainly don't feel fearless.

Like, dude, nothing kills my urge to draw quite like looking through Artist's Beware or what have you.

Case One:
Someone got pissy over a $2 commission that was not delivered. Not $200, not $20... $2. Like, I can totally get where you're coming from. You spent money on something and expected something in return, but didn't receive it. Happens to me -all the time- with the vending machines at work. You know what I don't do? Throw 'Coca Cola' under the bus and attempt to completely destroy their reputation and business because of extenuating circumstances. I dunno, maybe I'm a push-over, but when you're seriously escalating that shit to the point of getting a refund after -six months- for what is essentially 15 minutes worth of texting in a minimum wage job, you come off as really, REALLY petty to me. Like, dude, you should see how much Social Security takes out of your check every month that you'll probably never get back in your life... That'll make you flip.

Case Two:
Artist "heavily referenced" a dress in a real-life photo. Like, for real? At what point did it become a crime a reference real life imagery and use it in art? What, do you people seriously think a person is shit out of a uterus and instantly is some savant at art? Like... I can't wrap my head around this. A person is not born a welder. A person is not born a biologist. It is learned, through rigorous routine and practice of unfamiliar techniques until they are mastered. You know how that happens? Referencing the work that was already done by others before them and utilizing it.

It's the same way with art. A human being is not suddenly an artist and can draw, paint, or mold clay naturally (okay, maybe in some very odd cases, but let's be real here). You know what I did in Art School? I referenced real-life images and combined them, adding my own imagination and fantastical flare to achieve a desired result. You know what I did in the Tattoo Studio? Same exact thing.

Let's go over something real fast. The entire problem that anyone seems to have with artists using real life reference for commissions is that they're making money off of... Someone else's art (photos? designs? Ideas? ... Earth's natural landscape?). So, of course all the SJW's line up with the crocodile tears and cry foul, saying that it was stolen. Let me explain something to you.... Try that shit in a tattoo studio. Walk in there, tell the artist what you want, and jump their ass the second they look up any sort of reference material on google. It's literally no different. They are looking up other people's work and "heavily referencing" it to put permanent ink into your skin. They're also getting paid for it, in case you forgot.

By the way, in Art Schools and Tattoo Studios alike, this is done so often that it has it's own terminology: 'Observational Drawing'. Give it a look on google and educate yourselves some day before saying "STOLEN!!1" at the first opportunity.

Case Three:
"Stolen Characters". Dude, there's only so many damn ways you can color a wolf without adding a bullshit amount of accessories and other "visual flare" to make them unique to the point it just goes overboard in some furry kaleidoscope. Don't believe me? Go check out my gallery what with all the skulls. Seriously. I was just talking to an artist friend about this recently, discussing how I was burnt out because everyone's characters - when stripped of their fleshy bits - all look the same.

What I meant by this was when you boil it down to the base colors and apply those colors to a skull, everything starts to look exactly like one another. It is hilarious to see people cry "stolen character!" whenever their character was the baseline generic of the generic. This sort of thing is partially the reason why I stopped doing skulls with any degree of consistency and have been slowly knocking off requests from my list (and denying new ones) so that I don't wind up getting hit by some "stolen character" or "stolen art" BS later on down the line.

Because, yeah, I do reference real skulls. Kinda hard not to, yo. I can free-hand canine skulls easily but when it comes to others? Need reference. Because that's how art works.

Anyway, feel free to challenge my opinions if you feel it's necessary. I'm jonesing for an argument lately anyhow.

Been going to counseling to deal with my anger issues for... Fucking three months now.

Thing is though, I am a creature designed to be perpetually angry. I don't have a choice in the matter it seems. Ever since I started taking the counseling I've noticed that I've been having chest pains akin to a deep, ache and pains in the base of my throat that feel like a knife being driven in. I don't get angry as much as I used to - I just get stressed and it continually builds, builds, builds.

I've learned to be assertive as a means of speaking up for myself and defending my rights and respect the rights of others without being angry. On the other hand, that same assertiveness only works in certain places whereas anger works... Everywhere.

See, whenever I stopped being angry and started being assertive... I started to get more and more depressed. I've been cutting my wrists and legs in places people generally don't look and I've had to struggle to get through each day without putting the shotgun to my chin and pulling the fuckin' trigger just to end it all. Every day I remind myself, "If you can just get through today, maybe tomorrow will be better" but it never is. I have the same thought process every. fucking. Night.

And sitting in my bedroom, alone, through my own tears as I watched the hours slowly dwindle away until now when I have to be at work in just three hours when I've only been home for four.... I realized... I am built for anger. The moment I opened up and allowed myself to default to anger, the pain in my chest and throat went away. I went outside, had a cigarette, and just beat the ever living fuck out of the car because it was simply there. And I felt genuinely good. I feel as good as I have been in... Months. I feel alive instead of just... sustained.

When I'm depressed, nothing helps. There is no-one that can help me. The same vapid questions just make me want to shut down; the constant "Are you okay?" and "Did you have a bad day" and "do you wanna talk about it?" just cycles into the depression and makes it worse. Obvious answers for dumb questions from concerned people who probably genuinely care but only enough that it doesn't inconvenience them. There's nothing you can do but wait it out or give up and end it all. You eat out of necessity and the food tastes bland. Activities that once enthralled you become a nuisance and an annoyance; uninteresting. The people who try to encourage you become your worst nightmare as you struggle to keep your walls up or let them down just long enough to realize that you really are alone in the world - and if you don't believe me take my experience as an example: I was crying my eyes out on the phone with the suicide hotline for ten minutes before I realized they put me on hold.

I realized that I'm alone in this and no-one can save me. Not my counselor, not my friends, not my family... not even God can save me from it. So... I default to anger, once more. The exact thing I've been trying to combat for going on four months, having shelled out hundreds and sacrificed my own sanity to try and combat so I could be a better person to the rest of the world.

It isn't worth it to wallow in my own tears, to desperately look for help but never find it.. I would sooner piss people off, hurt others, and burn bridges than sit in my bed every night, staring at the ceiling and praying to whoever will listen to just let me fucking die to end the misery. The differences are stark but largely personal and it was my choice to make.

So, if you've ever wondered what it's like to be genuinely broken as a human being... That's what it's like.

Just wanted to share this sort of long, sort of NSFW, but 100% hilarious conversation on Imgur x3

http://imgur.com/a/xqQtx

Decided to try this out for the first time.

Hit me up gais! Question -everything- XD

I refuse to provide art for homos because of my religious beliefs. You are all weird and icky and I need money so anyone who supports my religious beliefs should go and make a bunch of donations to my paypal account: nomistrav[at]gmail.com

Thats how this works, right? I be a bigoted asshole and get profit from it? Come on guys support my beliefs so I can pay my bills and stuff, we all hate gay people here.

/satire

For those who don't know, a pizza parlor in Indiana recently refused service toward the LGBTQIA community (even though they said it is not discrimination) and apparently has half a million dollars in donations.

So, been teetering with it for god knows how long -kept saying I'd come back, do for a few days, disappear again.

No more bullshit. I'm out. Mostly out of stress, frustration, and because I'm sick and tired of trying to make things work. My aggression levels have been steadily increasing due to work, my shitty home life, and lack of stress relief from the things I used to find enjoyable like art, music, etc. It all just seems like work now.

I also partially blame artists in general because they always seem to bitch about money issues but are never (and I mean fucking never) open for commissions. I got plenty of cash I'm willing to throw at you people but you're never open to take it, so, deal with your own problems. Sorry to say but you can't bitch about not having money if you're only open for five commissions a year. That being said - I don't have the design intensity or artistic prowess to draw up what I want myself and the artists I'd -like- to commission are never accepting new commissions, so I'm done trying there.

This isn't even covering the SJWs and rampant wannabe Creative Commons Lawyers that seem to flock to FA and make everyone's lives a living shit storm. I have a particular finger for you people. Two, in fact.

So yeah, anyway, was a good run and making some skulls for you guys was enjoyable - for a time. Nomistrav signing off.

Okay, first of all, fuck everything about this god damn wizard dress: http://www.vice.com/read/heres-what.....ource=vicefbus

I saw that thing as white/gold at first and now I see blue/black. I wanna know how the hell that happens so I can do fancy art stuff with it.

Anyway, got my Evolve kick out of the way and I'm going to try to work on some art next week. Sorry to keep everyone waiting and all. In other news, I'm now going to counseling to deal with my issues and we've been making a lot of progress. Looking forward to how that plays out.

In other news, decided to get a Roku 3 (streaming device that plugs into your television) and cut the cable, keeping the internet. Turns out we save about $110 that way. Who knew that cable television was the most expensive part of a fuckin' cable plan xD

Totally unjustifiable reasoning her but, deal with it.

Putting a slight hold on my art considering that FUCKING EVOLVE COMES OUT IN TWO HOURS. I paid $100 for the PC Monster Race edition, so you guys can just suck it up and deal for a week or something x3

Oh btw the character I selected for the YCH is  Archellion's character, Baltic. Will get to work on that... Eventually.

So, one of the artists that I am watching posted up a YCH submission for Valentine's day that I was kinda wanting to bid on because I really don't have any art of some of my female characters. Figured it would be perfect since it was a solo female piece and was within my price range.

Now, I'm not going to put the artist on blast by throwing their name up here in my journals and/or making a bad review on Artists Beware or whatever crazy site you kids use these days to passively aggressively attack artists x3 The issue I had was that I've had a commission piece from the artist that's sort of sat in limbo since late October and is currently buried in a rather sizable Trello board (I think I'm like, number ten on the wait list just for ref sheets).

But yanno, I'm cool with that. I already paid for it and I know what I'm getting into. I knew there was going to be a pretty lengthy wait. However, I did make a comment on the YCH bit asking what the time schedule was like for completion. Whiiiich right after the YCH got entirely deleted and then reposted as a Base. The only reason I personally asked was because I kinda wanted it sooner rather than later since I'm still waiting for art I paid for - well, last year.

So, I dunno if my comment had anything to do with that, but it kinda felt bad to have that happen. I don't think I was being unreasonable with my question. I'm a pretty straight-forward person, if you tell me that it'll take a while I'll at least know what I'm getting into before I decide to put down money on it. I personally don't think it's great business practice to have dozens of commissions that you've accepted payment for that get buried underneath one another but it's not my business.

I dunno. Do you guys think I'm being unreasonable there?

Finally got a umm... Well. I got Paint Tool SAI.

Anyway, the main site for Paint Tool SAI is down so I figured I'd take this moment to explain how I feel about Piracy!

I personally don't like pirating software because I've been burned before (had my internet shut down) annnnd on a more personal note, the thing that really hit home was the fact that I've had music that -I- created stolen. And not just stolen and then distributed, like... Actually had the credit taken for parts that they never wrote and then subsequently frankensteined into their own music!

So, yeah, that's why I don't do piracy. Although I'm not gonna like, say anything to those of you who do (much less report you to the authorities), I do like to make it known that I try to be legit.

But in this case, I need Paint Tool SAI and I think the months of waiting for people who have requested art from me is enough to justify using a pirated copy whenever the website with which to obtain it legitimately is... well, non-existent. But I will make an effort to purchase (another) legit license once opportunity becomes available.

At any rate, hopefully I'll be able to actually do art now x3

Know a lot of you aren't anywhere near Louisiana so while I wait for my paycheck to come around (impatiently) I figured I'd share a few random (if somewhat depressing) facts with you guys.

- We dance at funerals.
Not because we're happy that the dude died, it's just our catharsis. It's not entirely uncommon for people in Louisiana to basically party it up whenever someone dies. (We usually save the emotions behind closed doors when even our families aren't around)

- Hate cockroaches? How about cockroaches with wings?
Yeah, these things are both massive and terrifying. They're about as long as your finger and have no qualms with flying directly at your face to avoid a broom.

- How about giant spiders?
The only spiders bigger than those in Louisiana (particularly Golden Orb Weavers) are located in South America or Australia. Seriously. They're massive and equally terrifying.

- We have a weird penchant for 'seafood'.
And by 'seafood' I mean anything that came out of a local pond or ditch. Crawfish (craybugs), any fresh water fish, frogs, snakes, alligators... If it is anywhere near the water in Louisiana, we're likely going to eat it.

- The humidity is abyssmal. The heat isworse.
And it never goes below 60%. Ever. I know a lot of people who live out in Texas/Arizona and what not complain about the heat whenever it hits 110/120... But you don't know true heat until you are sweltering in a pool of your own sweat in 100% humidity with 95-100 degrees bearing down on you. You practically drown in your own secretions.

- The bible belt is extreme.
We seriously have laws that allow for 'alternate teaching' in place of traditional science text books and there have been a few lawsuits with religious basis in regards to non-christians being harassed/persecuted by Christian teachers. Misfits are considered to 'alien themselves' rather than being accepted. In fact, our governor, Bobby Jindal, actually has a Biology Degree from Oxford and still contests that evolution has no grounds.

- At will employment.
Signed a five year contract with your employer? Doesn't matter. Louisiana is an 'At-will Employment' State, which means that your employer can fire you for any reason, at any time, regardless of circumstances. Contracts are effectively meaningless.

- We are the most corrupt state in the United States of America.
There are over 160 prisons in Louisiana and each one has plenty of incentive to keep inmates for as long as possible. Wardens get $25/day per inmate and trade them around like trading cards, exchanging prisoners to keep the populations high in all prisons they're associated with. There are a lot of archaic unenforceable laws in Louisiana that the United States Supreme Court has deemed unconstitutional, but that won't stop them from charging you to the fullest extent of the law every single time to make a profit off you.

In fact, 403 political officials have been convicted of corruption in the past decade and even former New Orleans mayor Ray Nagin is undergoing trial for accepting $200,000 in bribe money as well as using contracted benefits from Hurricane Katrina to invest in his own private vacations.

- Seventh worst Unemployment
6.7!

- We rank number 5 in Teen Pregnancy rates (as of 2010)
69/1000, to be exact.

- Sixth worst High School Graduation Rate
82.2%!

- Sixth worst Obesity
33.1%!

- Sixth worst Median Household Income
$41,734!

So, whenever you start to feel down... Something bad happened, can't seem to make ends meet, what have you.. Just remember: At least you're not a pregnant, obese, high school drop-out, low income welfare recipient (assuming you have a job), snacking on ditch critters while awaiting trial.

Or maybe you are. Which, if you are... ca viens?

Finally got a working 1TB HDD that I can store art and what not on. Just need to re-purchase my license for SAI and I can start doing art again.

Also, few updates:
- Got Driver's License.
- Got Car (still need insurance).
- Hopefully starting college in the Fall for computer science/graphic design.
- I now have an AskMe.

http://ask.fm/RaphaelColridge

Yes, that's right, Nomistrav got an AskMe. Which means you can ask me... Well, anything! This link will also be posted on my character's F-List profile so good luck sorting through all of the sexual questions which are sure to come from that. Otherwise, feel free to ask anything you want! Bearing in mind of course that I am a role-player and responses from me (the artist/player) will be posted [In brackets to indicate such]. Everything else will be posted as the character himself.

Looking forward to doing more art for you guys, just bear with me a little longer! =3

So, been trying to get my driver's license while I wait for my art Hard-drive to come in.

I... -really- don't like driving. I don't. I dunno if it's me, or my instructor, or just generally the circumstances of the road, but all of this amounts to me just never wanting to drive again. Worst part is I still have two hours left on my courses before I'm either failed or go to get my license.

I haven't even been behind a wheel for more than six hours and the following has occurred:

1) Less than fifteen minutes into driving, I had a dude tailgate me for almost two miles before he finally got bored and decided to pass us.
2) Basset hound tried to fellate the fucking bumper.
3) Cop pulled out in front of us despite my having the right of way.
4) Red sports car decided he wanted to get into my lane without a blinker.
5.) Rain.
6.) Small hydroplane.
7.) Tried to get into left lane on interstate to avoid a collision with a construction vehicle, my instructor didn't see it and told me not to change over. She then saw it and told me to move over. I spent the entire session second-guessing myself.
8.) Was told to make a turn when I wanted to wait, almost had a wreck because of a speeding truck. Got a horn and middle finger combo in return for cutting him off.
9.) Was told to pull over and let me instructor take over or I would fail the course.

So, that being said, I -REALLY- hate driving. I've gotta go back tomorrow for two more hours and I don't even want to do that. There's a part of me that wants to just say, "Fuck it" and just walk the rest of my life.

Anyway... HDD will be in soon, maybe then I can get back to doing art...

You clicked on this? Why? Go be with your family. Do things.

Anyway, if you're still reading this.. I dunno. Tired of feeling alone on another Holiday. Perpetual feeling of loneliness, being without companionship, relying on short term one-off flings to temporarily distract myself since I can't cope with real intimacy.

I dunno. Just felt like I needed to get the shit off my chest before I go to bed on this cold Christmas morning... My family always goes out of town for Christmas, so. Who knows. Maybe I'll drink myself into oblivion like last year.

Merry Christmas.

Welp. Computer is jacked up again. I think it's the HDD, honestly. Brand new but I have to RMA it because it keeps failing to show itself in the boot priority without a hard reset and a power flush. So, ordered an SSD ($160, my entire art budget) to tide me over while I get this damn thing sent in and replaced.

Stay tuned.

Believe it or not, the ole King Cheetah isn't the only character I have in the arsenal. Not sure how many of you know about her but Aurora is actually another character of mine. Problem is, I have no official work for her besides the first bit I ever uploaded (http://www.furaffinity.net/view/12908350/) and a rough-draft of her revamp that I never got around to finishing (http://i.imgur.com/9AzS5o9.png).

That being said, I am -really- interested in getting some work done of her and I do have an artist in mind, though I'm not sure how long that's going to last as they only have one slot open. I really don't want it to be just a solo piece, so if anyone is interested feel free to hit me up and let me know! I'm willing to pay for both my character and yours up to a maximum of $100-150 so consider this a nice little Christmas gift of free art or something. Of course, the only condition being that your character and mine are uhh... In it for a bit of a sexy romp!

So, if you're interested in this, feel free to comment below or send me a note =3

Kay, so now that I've got a new computer, I'm going to start back on the Skull requests. I just finished  Flynt_Dragon's and am awaiting his approval before posting and will be starting  moka45's tomorrow. So, stay tuned and please bear with me as I'm still trying to get used to using a tablet again! It's been a -long- time afterall =P

EDIT: Also, I am looking to get more commissions done of my Cheetah. In particular, I'm looking for commissions with other characters, so if you want in on some sexy cheetah action, hit me up!