... I don't know what to try anymore...

I've tried everything I can think of. Different tools, brushes, programs, techniques, following tutorials step by step; nothing works, matches, or produces the results I see in my head...

Maybe I'm just trying to hard...

So, someone attempted a driveby hack, attempting to put a keylogger on my laptop...

AVG caught the threat (flashd32.dll, created on the initial attack), stopped the master file, and all of its replications from running (Don't you love self replicating DLL's that attach to EXE's. Thankfully DLL's are unloaded on restarting). Malwarebytes caught one registry key, flagging one folder (which has since been removed).

I've since ran Spybot, MalwareBytes again, and a full AVG system scan. They all have returned nothing.

The attack was stopped before any damage was done, and I didn't use the keyboard XD.

I'm not really comfortable with voicing my feelings, but it's kind of hard not to anymore.

Simply put, the reason I have been idle is because I can't do anything right now. I'm so... easily demoralised by other art it stops me completely. In addition, the finished product never matches whats in my head.

I've wanted to do some work for someplace with a bit of notoriety. I'll admit, SexyFur was my initial draw, but that's more than fell through based on several passive observations and selected visual contenuity. A now defunct web site said 'your style isn't what we're looking for.'

There's also several elusive questions I've had difficulty dealing with:
Why don't my results match?
What am I doing wrong?
How do other peoples lines / colors come out so smooth, despite me working in an identical environment?
Should I attempt to apply for [insert site here]?
Do I have to switch what I do to get someplace?
Should I bother going on, and why?

Combined with how demoralised I get, those questions echoes constantly. I don't know what I need to do to get anywhere... since everything seems to contradict itself. Wait and it will come hasn't worked, neither has putting my name out there. Commenting and favoriting in mass hasn't worked. Shouts haven't worked. Asking for help returns nothing.

I'm not sure what to do right now...

No sense typing a full review, since it's just a demo. But these are things I observed during the course of said demo. This is pretty much in order of appearence.

- The demo refused to run from the launcer after install. I had to manualy go to the install directory, and run the launcher from there.

- Game displays a poorly formatted name in the 'Games' folder Vista has. All caps and no space in the title.

- Game does not run when executed from Vista's 'Games' folder. It instead loads the games save directory.

- Can't access options menu from the main menu. Settings can only be changed from in-game.

- (Thank you Typography) Loading screen typeface displays poor kearning. The perspective the menu uses, combined with my monitors resolution, ran I and J together. 'Hijack' looked like 'Huack.'

- Overall feel of the main character and the jetpack bore an uncanny resembelance to the movie 'The Rocketeer.'

- Sensitivity ramping issues. Below 75% feels sluggish, and has no discernable effect, and above 80% feels twitchy. This is especially true while flying.

- Controll menus ported directly from X-Box 360.

- Strafe functions differently when on foot in and in air. On foot, it functions as left / right movement. In air and not in combat, functionality is retained. When in combat, the functionality changes to roll left / right.

- Dodge maneuvers while flying are only possible with Alt + Roll. Mouse movement has no effect during dodge maneuvers, and your carera locks behind you.

- If you do move your mouse during a maneuver, you will orient to the positon you would normally be facing if you didn't perform the maneuver. The camera doesn't move to to reflect the direction you will be traveling once the maneuver ends.

- Look to enemy key does not change direction of travel.

- Vehicle hijacking is based around quick time events.

- Jetpack does not automatically re-engage when thrown off of a flying vehicle.

- Constant loss of altitude while hovering.

- Boosting to gain altitiude while hovering takes more power than boosting while flying.

- Hovering required to land on the ground.

- Crouch locks you to cover when in close proximity. Can only disengage by uncrouching.

- No passive hud. Can only see ammo status when switching weapons.

- Tutorial never went over how to use grenades.

- Can only carry 2 weapons.

- Enemy weapons are superior to your own.

- Can't perform anything while using an object.

- Close combat tackles determined by quick time button mashing.

- Melee attacks feel awkward. Can't move while performing them.

- Obvious enemy / ship inspriation from other titles (Too Human and Warhammer 40,000 Fleet Gothic).

-Short demo was short.

---

All of that was discovered during the demos timespan... less than 10 minutes.

Self explanitory.

http://nuclearninja.livejournal.com/68255.html

I don't like calling out names, but is anyone else getting chatroom requests from this person? If so, do you have any idea why? The only feeling I can get from it is the 'random people from a subgroup' experiment.

Obviously, said person can read this, since he got my name from here.

I don't know about anyone else, but I'm not exactly one to join a random chatroom, especially if the invite comes from a name I don't recognise.

I've had enough ICO bots try to invite me to russian porn sites, but those are one time occurences I can ignore. A person sending a chat request is far more annoying, since ignore only stops that request once.

We switched our internet and TV over to Uverse...

... so far, I can't say I'm impressed.

Yes, it's nice to have 3 independent boxes that can link to a central DVR

Yes, it's nice to have a higher downstream.

... however, if the router looses signal, EVERYTHING goes down. TV, Net... everything.

It's happened at least 15 times since we got it (5 of them happeneing tonight, and it's ongoing as you read ths), and we've had the system for less than 2 months. Yes, everything is plugged in correctly... we even got a new twisted pair phone line for the house, and it hasn't changed a thing.

I can't find anything reguarding AT&T's maintinence schedule, so I can't say if that's it. The problem definately isn't on our end... since it worked before and after the line replacement, and it still happens...

Is anyone else having the same issues we're having?

Edit 1: 10-19. Failure @8:35
Edit 2: 10-20. Failure at 2:45 am, 5:50 pm, and 5:55 pm
Edit 3: 10-20. Possible cause isolated, a router.
Edit 4: 10-20. Failure @ 7:20. Supposed router was not plugged in priot to failure. Possible wireless issue is suspected.

Well... my car got sort of messed up. No, I'm not going to beg for money. I can afford it, or work it off.

---

I still don't like my typography class x.x

----

I'm still struggling with coloring. Of all the methods I've tried, only 2 have produced results similar to what I want. I don't know which one I should use: Per color airbrush shading, or Hard Light shading.

The per-color is what a lot of the higher ups use it seems. It uses seperate layers for ecah color, and each color also has preselected shades for it. This can create very suttle shades. Problem there is the ammount of time and colors needed, in addition to needing to select visualy identical colors. To much of a variance can create visible shade lines. It also tends not to favor pure colors, since they don't look right when tinted.

Hard Light shading is based off a modification to what  pinkuh used in some of her ustreams (color mapping a gradient base). It utilises a single greyscale layer for shading in the 'Hard Light' blending mode. The main pro is it uses greyscale to color, reducing the ammount of colors needed to actually color, and the greys can be easily tinted to represent any light color. It will also affect 'pure' colors. The major con is the ramping of intensity the blend mode imparts, resulting in an odd greyscale curve to create desired effects. This is easily fixed by a level adjustment, however.

Both can create the results I want... but I don't know which one to use...

Any tips?

Random journal is random

That game has had more issues than most any game I've had...

To start, I was the victim of the 'Invalid CD Key' error that plagued that game. None of the characters in my key are confusable...

Second, the game never kept my settings after patch 2.0. I tried running it as an admin, and using the /nohomedir cpmmand switch.

Third, there isn't much, if any, community for the game. The ammount of effort to make anything for it is astronomical... and the toolset is radically different from UT2k4.

And what happened a moment ago... well... just shows the game is still poor.

... Uninstalling a mod broke the game completely.

Simplu put, I installed the mod according the the games own instructions. The game ran fine, but refused to load any maps.

I deleted the mod folders, worked fine, but I had a bunch of odd characters where the mods information used to be. That shouldn't have happened.

Troubleshot by reinstalling the mod... and it refused to load again.

I completely removed the mod from my system, and it broke the game... all maps caused it to crash on loading.

Most games have mods in their own folders. Mod doesn't work, delete the folder. Games files are unaffected.

For some reason, all UT3 mods have to go under a long ass chain of folders under your documents, as well as merge themselves into folders with system essential files. This is pretty much a receipe for disaster. Leave any unnecessary files, game has a bunch of $gametype-game-whatever options on your menus. Get rid of them, game breaks...

They need to go back to how virtually all other games used to do mods. [Game directory] / [Mod Name]. Not have all this crap buried under [My Documents] / [My games] / [Game name] / [Whatever]

Yup... 25 now.

There isn't a lot I want for presents, if anything.

Short journal is short.

I'm going back to school on the 8'th (Though my first class isn't til the 11'th).

---

Birthday is the third (Thrusday). Happy birthday to me...

---

Yeah... I'm still trying to draw things during my break. I don't have any confidence in what I've been doing recently, moreso with my coloring again. It's still no wher near wher I want... and I can't understand how doing things the same way nets different results each time...

*sighs* I'm really doubting myself right now...

Finally done with one semester of classes. To bad there's not an honor role... ^^;

Intro to Personal Computers: 94%
Introduction to Photoshop: 93%
Problem Solving: 96%

I'm really happy about these numbers. I couldn't pass any of the above equivilents when I was at Mott. Furthermore, the classes were hybrids (2 mott equivilents at the same time).

Next semester will be:
Strategies for the Technical Professional.
Rapid Visualization (From what I know, hybrid of drawing and 3D Studio Max)
Typography

This makes me feel really good inside.

I laugh at all the Mott adds that are running right now. Funny how I never got the help they claim to offer everyone (I wasn't aware of the Pell grant, they never mentioned it...).

I'm still here, but cholege has been eating most of my time. Finals are this week... and some other issues have came up (I can't think of anything to draw x.x)

---

Stolen from  kadath

- When did you start drawing?
Earliest I can recall is around 6'th grade.

- Which hand do you use for drawing?
Right.

- Which is easier to draw - male or female?
Female. The male form is far to boxy, and I can't draw a stright line to save my liking.

- Which is easier to draw - long hair or short hair?
They're the same to me. I tend to base hair around the character. Some hair lengths just don't fit certain designs.

- Is it easier to draw the head facing towards the right or the left?
Left

- Is it easier to draw the side view of the face or the front view?
Side and 3/4. I've been gradually shifting to more front-on looks though.

- What do you have problems in drawing?
Hands, midsections, butts, genetelia, and couples are the ones I know of. I feel I can't draw anything right though x.x.

- What do you like to draw?
I'd say nude, solo figures. Nude provides more of an anatomical challenge for me (Since clothing can hide anatomy issues). Solo lets me focus my efforts on the center of attention.

- Are you a traditional artist or a digital artist?
Primarily digital, though I do sketches in a notepad, and am now experimenting with draft scenery in 3D Stuido Max

- Where do you start drawing from?
A line rig representing what I want the character to be posed like.

- What is your drawing habit that you are aware of?
I tend to make heads to big, and bodies to small for them. I also need to extend the canvas on occasion.

- Any tips for coloring/shading?
No. I've tried everything from random experimentation, to tutorials, to watching video streams. I can't shade worth shit x.x

- How long does it take to finish a piece of art?
Varies depending on my mood and the piece. If I'm in a good mood, I can do it in a couple of days. If I'm in a bad mood, or don't like where the piece is going, It can take months...

- What music do you listen to while you draw?
Generally rock, tecnho, industurial, and aggrotech. There are exceptions though (IE: A pub with no Beer).

- How long does it take you to come up with an idea?
Anywhere from a few seconds, to weeks... x.x

- Your favorite drawing utensils?
Wacom Graphire 3, and any .05mm pencil

- Your favorite color/the color that you use a lot?
Black

- Your favorite style(s)?
Mainly pseudo-realistic, and anything that makes me question how it was done. I don't like cookie-cutter styles or obvious copies of another style.

- Are you satisfied with your current art?
Not by a long shot. I'm never really happy with anything, and I keep questioning what I'm doing wrong/need to do to get better/get more notoriety. A part of me has pondered giving up too... since I'm in a stall

- What kind of artist are you aiming for?
Not sure. I tend to think I'm more of a concept artist than anything...

I'm getting some positive feedback to keep going, so here's another one. Again, it's a bit out there, but it's how I tend to see games.

On the platter this time: Warhammer 40,000 - Dawn of War 2
http://nuclearninja.livejournal.com/67175.html

I think I went WAY to overboard on this, but... this is how I tend to see games. Analyticaly pick them apart.

Also, this is my first time being a critic like this, so I'm nervous about how people will read it.

Anyhow, a review of Prototype:
http://nuclearninja.livejournal.com/66921.html

Should I do more? If so, any suggestions? I'm... limited on what I can review though x.x

I've been thinking on trying my hand on 'reviewing' games I've played. Whether via MP3 or text.... I have no idea. Reason: A friend of mine suggested it, since I seem to know not only what I want in a game, but also the technical aspects that go into making one.

Problem there is there are a lot of them, and I doubt I'd get anywhere. I'm also extremely cynical. I don't like a lot of the mainstream titles *Points to WoW and Halo*, and the new ones that people say are 'awesome' tend to leave me unimpressed after a short time *looks at Prototype*. Flames would be inevitable in some cases >.>.

I'm also limited to stuff on PC, and up to the PS2, since I don't own a next gen console. I don't see the need for one, can't afford one, and there aren't enough games I want to coax a purchase. This doesn't mean I haven't sampled the game elsewhere, I just don't have it in house.

Should I bother trying this?

Troubleshooting solutions tried: 7
Number of calls to tech support: 2
Number of explinations given: 2
Time to ship equipment: 3 days
Duration of outage: 5 days
Time to restore service after the equipment arrived: Under 5 minutes.

They -remotely- saw the router was fried. Why didn't we receive a call about that? It would have been nice... but of course that takes time and money.

As a demotivator says: Maybe if we stop caring, they'll stop calling.

Hopefully this one will last longer than 1.3 years too...

Leeching a friends connection for this >.>

My internet connection crapped out Tuesday night/Wednesday morning. I thought it was just a momentary lag spike or outage. Waited for an hour, nothing happened...

Waited overnight, nothing changed.

So... I called their tech support after I got home from school, since I tried everything I knew (Mainly checking all the connections, and power cycling everything). They said they weren't aware of the problem (A sync issue with their server), and my service would be back in 30 minutes.

Over 24 hours, nothing changed.

I called again yesterday. Turns out... the sync issue was caused by the modem getting fried somehow...

Basically we had to order a new modem, and it won't be here til at least Monday.

More alarming... it's only been a year and 4 months... there's no way a modem should be fried in that time frame...

About 1/2 way through the first semester, and I'm holding out... far better than I thought.

At Mott... I was failing at this point.

At ITT, despite similar (if not identical) beginner classes, I currently have all A's!

Well... 2 98%'s and a 100%, but still...

----

I'm still working on art when I can. Most of it is in preliminaty stages. I've actually been taking a cheap notebook, and roughing out random poses when the mood strikes. It helps, since once I solidify the idea, I'm more likely to work on it.

Current queue:
FCN 2010 Conbook submission
3 Gift Arts
2 Fan Arts

I don't know why I haven't said this here, but I'm back in college right now. Going to ITT for Visual Communications and (hopefully) Game Design.

So far... I like 2 of my 3 classes. They're kind of misnamed. Problem Solving is Math, and Intro to PC's is a hands on assemble/disassemble lab. Despite these being basic for me (I work in a lot of numbers, and built computers), I like them both. They both have awesome instructors, and are are engaing. The math class has some humorous elements, and the PC class is hands on. I love working inside computers.

... I can't say the same about the Photoshop class, sadly.

The Instructor there is one of those types who soley reads off of powerpoint slides, and gives one line of explination afterwards. I really can't stand this style of teaching... feels like they're passing off the slides as 'visual' for those who respond more to that type of education.

... and If I keep going, I'm going to have her for Typography too... why...

I wrote in my Livejournal about another reason I don't like it, but it's fairly long. So here's the tl;dr version.

You can't assign a grade to an abstract concept. What one person sees, another may not, and vice versa. All design is subjective.

---

I swear... times like this make me think I should go into philosophy or law... maybe review some games and movies on the side...

... but that falls into the above as well...

So... I tried to treat myself to a game I wanted, since I had some money to spare...

http://nuclearninja.livejournal.com/65847.html

... I'm... not in a good mood right now...

Well... school started on monday. It's been okay so far, save needing to adjust my sleep schedule to acomidate.

Problem is... I'm getting stressed out already... this week has been rather draining.

I'm still tryingt to draw things, but it's proving to be difficult. I'm just not happy with anything I have right now... or I have something I can't figure out in the sketch phase...

*sighs* Still wondering if I should kepe trying to draw stuff despite being stressed.

I think the reason I'm so slow when it comes to thing is the tendency to overanalize everything.

I've been doing rough pose sketches on both my computer and a notepad, and I've liked how I can get a rough figure out in 30 minutes or less. Least it's visualised, and I can work with it when I want.

I'm also going through some slight subject shifts. Some of the things I'm working on are... well... somewhat outside of what I'm used to:

*Croc belly dancer with chakrams (Reptilian experience)
*Obligatory Tauren Art (Male form, Prominent muscle structure, Dongs)
*Gift Arts for some friends
*Perspective and foreshortening experiments
*Background experiments
*Using 3D as props for character pose, placement, and blocking (Idea I picked up from Susan Van Camp at FCN).
*Fur Layering (From Dark Natasha at FCN. Going to try something in Photoshop to get a similar effect)

---

It's stuff like this that makes me glad I've dropped wanting to work for a pay site. I don't think I'd have that much room to experiment with things if I worked for one.

Yeah... I gots one behind the curve:

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000000214555&ref=profile