It's funny the only place I run to when feeling depressed is here, but this is the only I say how I feel or just vent about things without people really saying my business to everyone at work or anything.
Well the reason i'm feeling this way is because I had my feeling hurt and I don't know how to tell this person that what he said really hurt my heart. This happen yesterday and just really made my day crap because it keeps snow balling into other thoughts and making me even more upset and depressed. But pretty much being called ugly when I fight soo hard with weight over issues to have someone say that just hurts sooo bad, and the thoughts going through my head are your too ugly to get a date,your too ugly to get married, to ugly to have children with, I know in my mind that is not true but my heart and mind are not on my the field and my heart is winning. I'm just confused on everything right now heck just that one word could send me spiraling down sooo fast. And I don't even know how to tell him how that really hurt, my fit thing was to just smile and act like nothing happen all the time feeling like a kicked puppy.
I ready don't know

Why am I always the friend
Why can't I be seen as sexy
Why can't smart and fat
Why can't I make myself happen when I make others feel better
Maybe I'm just ugly on the inside as well as outside
I will always be alone
I'm a loser
Can't cute and skinny



What is wrong with me

HAHA made it though that math class and now on to pre-calculus

BUT HAPPY NEW YOU TO ALL MY LOVES <3

I everyone's new year be bright and and wonderful

I need to leave this math class so bad and and the whole point on vectors are not my thing and sorry for not updating but no time alone can do that to a person.

hi again i haven't been in nooooo forever so hi and I'm surprised that after all this time my user name and password still work but any way. the only change that has happened for me is i just don't give a shit that's right i don't care people are fucking dumb and i don't care for drama and my of that!!! if you have a man problem keep your legs closed would have help or if you have no money stop buying hello kitty and calling off from work would help hahaha.

I'm still alive nothing has changed and sooo yeah i miss everyone but something has to give and its my already small social life was its all well. love you all well those i know but what the heck everyone

I spent my two weeks at home doing nothing, no one called or texted me nothing I haven't any my close friends in four years and some more then that, I.m loney I just want to talk to someone all I do is Work and home. Sometimes it feels like I die and no one missed me. Hell I would love it if some would had a problem and needed some to listen, or tell me about their day. But no all I get is to be alone and guilt trips of how I taken someone life and how they never been happy and what ever they could bitch about, or going to work and not having anything in common and feeling more alone then ever. Most people think I'm nuts or some mental problem because I bitch alot or in general not happy yes I hide behind a smile but then again most people don't know me they don't the shit I have gone though. But still I'm here again lone and no on to hold on too our anyone to help me sometimes no I'm alone and I'll say something that most people who say they "know me" don't I afaid of be alone no friends no family no one just me and that scares me to death but then again people don't know that or even care I have no money, no power, no nothing, no family, no friends, and I guess I don't have crap and that's why I guess I'm posting this because now is one of those days when the isolation gets to me and I have to say something or yell but I can't so I type and post hoping that someone would listen to me.

well OK life has been pretty much busy for and I'm finally getting back to writing and possible a few drawing pieces too. i really can't wait and a few things to keep watching because i plan on pumping out another chapter before next year to both my stories and one pick he he he, this is the plan so thanks to the few who are WATCHING ME.

I don't care for the twilight star Robert pattinson but this quote is great and worth it!!!


Robert Pattinson: “If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are. Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.”

Okay everyday somebody asked me a very stupid ass question. Today well yesterday.one of the girls asked me how this is lipstick look on me personally I hate the girl so,... I told her that it could be better, I really do value your honest opinion, in which I say no you don't don't even try to lie yourself so again I tell her that her lipstick makes her lips look huge but the good deed is this i did not tell her that, she looks like a two dollar whore at a low and awful whorehouse probably every STD is imaginable. no I didn't say that even though I was thinking.

am I a sarcastic person yes I am, but with some also asked me if I drink 5 hour's will that give me 10 hours of energy, or that her man buy her a pillow pet for Christmas that cost probably 19 dollars but the time, but spent 70 bucks on a buzz light year backpack and some other items for him is he a good man? No bitch he is not in fact thank you for taking him out of the gene pool.

But on another note I am working on Stockholm syndrome just got done with the chapter introducing Salem I just got a edit it and them posted hopefully you'll be up by the end of the week.

well as most know i love to write even if my grammar and spelling suck ass abut i have trying to write more on this story and i have officially the wall yup! i have no ideas or nothing ~ACK~ and it's killing me.
~ HELP ME FOR THE DUMB I WORK WITH HAVE SUCKED MY BRAINS DRY ~
any ideas would help in how to continue any of my stories.

I wonder if anyone has asked themsleves that same question" i need a life!!!!". well the only answer i can come up with is more money more time. but hell i can't complain ... well i can but i think i'll try and make it a bit funny. work sucks people smell and projects are really bending my ass over every week. besides that, the fact that i haven't written on any of my stories do i me having sooo much time points to how lazy my life has became, yes from work to class to paying bills and projects to dealing equality of life issues and cleaning at home my time is gosh great. but what i really miss is my friends not hearing from them or really doiiiing anything as just gets kind of lonly so much that my writting been like nill to nothing. haha its cool because i'm ok by my self and i have to get crap done because who else will.