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I owe you explanation (TW: mental health issues)
Posted a year agoSorry for disappearing for a few months. There will be a long story. And please don't be too judgemental about my spelling, I don't use Google translator to check it as I usually do.
For last few months I was struggle and still struggling with huge mental issues. First I had the worst mental breakdown. Now I see it didn't come out of nowhere, but back then it was a total surprise. That was just an ordinary day and I just broke suddenly. I was crying for a few days non-stop, I felt so awful and I wanted this nightmare to end. My family brang me to the psychiatrist. There I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I was devastated by this fact.
I am seeing psychiatrist and psychotherapist. Every day I take the amount of medications comparable to a small meal. Most of the time I just zone out and the most I can do is get out of bed and wash my face, and even that feels like an impossible task.
My phases takes a lot of time, a few months at least. I remember about you and especially about my commissioners every day, I swear. I feel so much guilt for how irresponsible I am. I was so afraid to come here again because of the shame. I thought you guys must hate me so much. But I am here. And still I am afraid, so it is possible that it will take time till I come again to see your responses.
I was thinking about writing this explanation for a long time. It was in my head for weeks. And finally I found strength to look to your eyes and say I am sorry. I will come back. I wait for getting better so much. I am tired of this depression episode. I am tired of feeling miserable. I am tired of this endless anxiety and apathy. I just want to be productive and reliable again. I just want to feel something, that not an anxiety or apathy or fear. And I miss you so much.
Please, forgive me. I will be back, I promise.
For last few months I was struggle and still struggling with huge mental issues. First I had the worst mental breakdown. Now I see it didn't come out of nowhere, but back then it was a total surprise. That was just an ordinary day and I just broke suddenly. I was crying for a few days non-stop, I felt so awful and I wanted this nightmare to end. My family brang me to the psychiatrist. There I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I was devastated by this fact.
I am seeing psychiatrist and psychotherapist. Every day I take the amount of medications comparable to a small meal. Most of the time I just zone out and the most I can do is get out of bed and wash my face, and even that feels like an impossible task.
My phases takes a lot of time, a few months at least. I remember about you and especially about my commissioners every day, I swear. I feel so much guilt for how irresponsible I am. I was so afraid to come here again because of the shame. I thought you guys must hate me so much. But I am here. And still I am afraid, so it is possible that it will take time till I come again to see your responses.
I was thinking about writing this explanation for a long time. It was in my head for weeks. And finally I found strength to look to your eyes and say I am sorry. I will come back. I wait for getting better so much. I am tired of this depression episode. I am tired of feeling miserable. I am tired of this endless anxiety and apathy. I just want to be productive and reliable again. I just want to feel something, that not an anxiety or apathy or fear. And I miss you so much.
Please, forgive me. I will be back, I promise.
Gerda update
Posted a year agoToday Gerda got her surgery. We're taking her home rn. For 4 weeks she will be wearing a cast and she won't be allowed to jump and run. I think this part she hates the most x)
Here you can see her after surgery: https://twitter.com/hat_octo/status.....48849626361857
Thank you all for your sympathy and help. You are the best <3 Gerda sends you big lick and extends her paw for a paw shake (she loves it a lot no matter what) ^^
Here you can see her after surgery: https://twitter.com/hat_octo/status.....48849626361857
Thank you all for your sympathy and help. You are the best <3 Gerda sends you big lick and extends her paw for a paw shake (she loves it a lot no matter what) ^^
Gerda broke her elbow
Posted a year agoI already told you about malinois, that we took from the street. She's very playful dog and sometimes a little clumsy. Well, while she played outside, she broke her elbow somehow. Now she needs operation, cuz the veterinarian said it's pretty compound joint. And we are already in trouble with money because of stolen wallet, so we can't afford both operation and rent.
So, I open 10 slots for head and half-body portrait commissions with 25% discount.
Flat colored head portrait will cost only 33 USD, full colored head portrait will cost 45 USD.
Flat colored half-body portrait will cost 45 USD, full colored half-body portrait will cost 62 USD.
Simple abstract background goes for free.
Prices are per character.
Thank you in advance <3
So, I open 10 slots for head and half-body portrait commissions with 25% discount.
Flat colored head portrait will cost only 33 USD, full colored head portrait will cost 45 USD.
Flat colored half-body portrait will cost 45 USD, full colored half-body portrait will cost 62 USD.
Simple abstract background goes for free.
Prices are per character.
Thank you in advance <3
Stolen wallet :(
Posted 2 years agoSomebody took my husband's wallet with our money for rent :(
I just hope that somebody really needed that money.
I just hope that somebody really needed that money.
💘Coming soon!💘 Romantic YCH
Posted 2 years agoSo I'm going to post a sweet romantic YCH soon. And now I'm thinking about should I make it fix priced and make it for multiple buyers or should I make an auction for just one winner. What do you think?
Health problems
Posted 2 years agoMy 2024 brings me health problems again 😭 😭 😭
Now it's my teeth and it's pretty bad. I will have a small surgery tomorrow, so the doctor could find out how bad this is.
It seems I will need money soon, so if you want any commissions, you're more than welcome ^_^
Also it seems that the dentist will put braces on me. Braces, asthma, DnD... oh my god I'm becoming a living movie trope. Meet the nerd! :D
Now it's my teeth and it's pretty bad. I will have a small surgery tomorrow, so the doctor could find out how bad this is.
It seems I will need money soon, so if you want any commissions, you're more than welcome ^_^
Also it seems that the dentist will put braces on me. Braces, asthma, DnD... oh my god I'm becoming a living movie trope. Meet the nerd! :D
Something happened with my cat :(
Posted 2 years agoSorry for complaining, I'm just really worried. You see, my cat loves to go outside, she is generally very active, loves to explore and run. At home she only sleeps and eats; she is much more interested walking outside.
Few minutes ago our landlord has told us that she needs to be taken home because there is something wrong with her. The cat has very pale hind paw pads and her tail hangs motionless. When I tried to examine her, she screamed loudly, but did not fight back. The veterinarian working hours is over, so I will take her for an examination tomorrow morning. I am terribly worried, I have no idea what’s wrong with her and how I can help her now.
Thank you for listening, I needed to talk it out so I wouldn't go crazy with anxiety these few hours while I am waiting for the veterinarian's office hours to start. :(
Few minutes ago our landlord has told us that she needs to be taken home because there is something wrong with her. The cat has very pale hind paw pads and her tail hangs motionless. When I tried to examine her, she screamed loudly, but did not fight back. The veterinarian working hours is over, so I will take her for an examination tomorrow morning. I am terribly worried, I have no idea what’s wrong with her and how I can help her now.
Thank you for listening, I needed to talk it out so I wouldn't go crazy with anxiety these few hours while I am waiting for the veterinarian's office hours to start. :(
A little bit about my life for the last month
Posted 2 years agoHello buns!
There has been no news from me for the past few months, as I literally spent all my time working as a commercial DnD game master. It was fun, and I came up with a huge campaign that I ran for the party, and now it ended epically. Coming up with a plot and creating interesting riddles was fun, but exhausting. Right now I don't have any more groups of players, but I think after a little rest I'll take another one. I realized that what makes me happy is the fact that I bring joy and interesting adventures to people.
A few days ago I was taken by ambulance to the hospital. As you know, I live in Serbia, but so far, due to difficulties with the landlord, I cannot obtain a residence permit. Without a residence permit and without health insurance, I was afraid to go to the hospital, but then I felt really bad and I thought I was going to die, so I had to overcome my fears and let the doctors help me. And it turned out that Serbia has very kind and understanding doctors. I'm used to angry doctors who hate everyone, so I experienced a serious culture shock. They examined me, gave me back my ability to breathe, gave me medicine and made a diagnosis. Congratulations to me, I have asthma! It’s difficult to say which one exactly, but there are suspicions of bronchial asthma. I'm glad that I now have a diagnosis and now I know that if I start to choke, it doesn't mean it's time to die, it's just a signal that I need to take medicine. It feels good to have control over such a frightening condition.
And the coolest news of this year. I adopted a charming, kind, cool, beautiful dog from the street! Belgian Malinois! She is young and playful, about one to two years old. She's only been living with me for three weeks, but I love her with all my heart. Judging by her behavior and fear of sticks and loud noises, the previous owners, who simply threw her out into the street, were not very kind to her. I really hope that with me she will have peace and happiness in her life. She is the sweetest and nicest girl in the world and deserves all the best.
Of course, it is difficult to handle such a large and playful dog alone, but, fortunately, there are four of us. My girlfriend's husband and I play with her, walk her and make sure everything is fine, and my girlfriend does the training. Well, and my husband is still trying to just get used to the fact that such a huge dog lives in our house :D
By the way, the dog name is Gerda and I want to draw her anthro version in the near future. Because everyone should see the best girl!
Also, I'm available for commissions again :3
Love you sweethearts! I'm glad you're still here with me <3
There has been no news from me for the past few months, as I literally spent all my time working as a commercial DnD game master. It was fun, and I came up with a huge campaign that I ran for the party, and now it ended epically. Coming up with a plot and creating interesting riddles was fun, but exhausting. Right now I don't have any more groups of players, but I think after a little rest I'll take another one. I realized that what makes me happy is the fact that I bring joy and interesting adventures to people.
A few days ago I was taken by ambulance to the hospital. As you know, I live in Serbia, but so far, due to difficulties with the landlord, I cannot obtain a residence permit. Without a residence permit and without health insurance, I was afraid to go to the hospital, but then I felt really bad and I thought I was going to die, so I had to overcome my fears and let the doctors help me. And it turned out that Serbia has very kind and understanding doctors. I'm used to angry doctors who hate everyone, so I experienced a serious culture shock. They examined me, gave me back my ability to breathe, gave me medicine and made a diagnosis. Congratulations to me, I have asthma! It’s difficult to say which one exactly, but there are suspicions of bronchial asthma. I'm glad that I now have a diagnosis and now I know that if I start to choke, it doesn't mean it's time to die, it's just a signal that I need to take medicine. It feels good to have control over such a frightening condition.
And the coolest news of this year. I adopted a charming, kind, cool, beautiful dog from the street! Belgian Malinois! She is young and playful, about one to two years old. She's only been living with me for three weeks, but I love her with all my heart. Judging by her behavior and fear of sticks and loud noises, the previous owners, who simply threw her out into the street, were not very kind to her. I really hope that with me she will have peace and happiness in her life. She is the sweetest and nicest girl in the world and deserves all the best.
Of course, it is difficult to handle such a large and playful dog alone, but, fortunately, there are four of us. My girlfriend's husband and I play with her, walk her and make sure everything is fine, and my girlfriend does the training. Well, and my husband is still trying to just get used to the fact that such a huge dog lives in our house :D
By the way, the dog name is Gerda and I want to draw her anthro version in the near future. Because everyone should see the best girl!
Also, I'm available for commissions again :3
Love you sweethearts! I'm glad you're still here with me <3
New PC!
Posted 2 years agoLast months I was struggling with my laptop. It is very old, and really broken. No monitor screen, no touch-pad, no keyboard. This poor old guy was just a noisy box with connected third-party components. Pretty annoying, huh?
Now I have built a PC from old computer components that my friends gave me (God bless them). I had to buy something, but most of the parts, although old, are quite working. Of course, it definitely won’t work to play AAA games on it, but it can run the graphic editors I need. I feel like Dr. Frankenstein. It's alive! IT'S ALIIIIIVE!!! :DDD
I built a computer and spent only $129. Achievement accomplished 😎
That's all, I just wanted to share my joy with you ^^
Now I have built a PC from old computer components that my friends gave me (God bless them). I had to buy something, but most of the parts, although old, are quite working. Of course, it definitely won’t work to play AAA games on it, but it can run the graphic editors I need. I feel like Dr. Frankenstein. It's alive! IT'S ALIIIIIVE!!! :DDD
I built a computer and spent only $129. Achievement accomplished 😎
That's all, I just wanted to share my joy with you ^^
Price list changing is coming
Posted 2 years agoFrom June 1, I will change the price list and make prices in euros. Since I live in Serbia, prices in euros are more relevant to me. If you wanted to order a commission from me, the current prices are valid until June 1st ^^
Common child design
Posted 2 years agoGetting a residence permit: Update
Posted 2 years agoThe process of obtaining a residence permit is underway and one of the points of the bureaucratic adventure was to agree with the landlord on a document confirming that my husband and I (and also my girlfriend and her husband) live in his house. We didn't sign a house lease before because our landlord really doesn't like bureaucracy. Now it's time for a house lease or document confirming that we live in his house with his permission.
And... this has caused the rent to almost double. An unpleasant surprise.
In general, for the next couple of months we will look for other housing and immediately on the terms of a lease agreement. I'm a little sorry, because I really like this house and I'm used to it. Plus, outside of bureaucracy, our current landlord is a really cool guy. But I think whatever happens is for the best.
And... this has caused the rent to almost double. An unpleasant surprise.
In general, for the next couple of months we will look for other housing and immediately on the terms of a lease agreement. I'm a little sorry, because I really like this house and I'm used to it. Plus, outside of bureaucracy, our current landlord is a really cool guy. But I think whatever happens is for the best.
Pregnancy commission idea 🤔
Posted 2 years agoI have an idea but I really don't know if somebody could be interested in it 😅 You know, I just had a thought like 'That looks like an awesome art idea to me'. And I also don't know yet how to visualize it in picture post. Commission? YCH?
So, the point. If I get references of two (or more, who knows) characters, I can draw their possible child, combining parents' features. I also want to include a bonus pregnancy art for one of the parents.
So... What do you think? OwO 👉👈
So, the point. If I get references of two (or more, who knows) characters, I can draw their possible child, combining parents' features. I also want to include a bonus pregnancy art for one of the parents.
So... What do you think? OwO 👉👈
35 USD portraits!
Posted 2 years agoTrying to collect money to pay the fee for resident permit in Serbia UwU
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/51941697/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/51941697/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/51941697/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/51941697/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/51941697/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/51941697/
exhausted
Posted 3 years agoGuys, I'm really very exhausted and scared of a new round of this madness that is happening in Russia. My husband is forced to flee the country so as not to get into this crazy senseless war. I cry all the time and I don’t have the strength to draw or do anything at all.
I'm leaving Russia at the beginning of October. Just over a week left and I don't know how to survive it. In general, I won't have gallery updates for a while and I have suspended work on commissions. I'm sorry to be such an unreliable person, but this nightmare is draining the life out of me. I hope that when I leave Russia, I will be able to recover at least a little.
And I also it's my birthday the day after tomorrow and I don’t feel anything good at all, everything is drowning in despair. Forgive me for pouring my emotions here, it's just there is too much fear around.
It's hard for me to deal with all of that...
Stay safe
I'm leaving Russia at the beginning of October. Just over a week left and I don't know how to survive it. In general, I won't have gallery updates for a while and I have suspended work on commissions. I'm sorry to be such an unreliable person, but this nightmare is draining the life out of me. I hope that when I leave Russia, I will be able to recover at least a little.
And I also it's my birthday the day after tomorrow and I don’t feel anything good at all, everything is drowning in despair. Forgive me for pouring my emotions here, it's just there is too much fear around.
It's hard for me to deal with all of that...
Stay safe
✨Ready to work!✨
Posted 3 years agoDue to stress at work, my health deteriorated. So I decided to quit my job and focus more on myself.
It also means I'm reopening commissions, so I'm happy to work with any of your ideas ^__^
I also plan to post cheap adopts a couple times a week. I will collect money for moving from Russia ✈️
Love you sweeties!
🤍Stay safe 🤍Just some joy UwU
Posted 3 years agoRecently, I caught myself hyperfixing on some of my OCs. It's pretty fun.
Luckily, I've started drawing commissions as well, and I'm trying to sort out my life along the way, so I think I can afford to get a little carried away by my characters. (btw my international passport is already in process yeeeey!)
Huns, tell me if you ever had hyperfixations on your characters. I would love to read about what brings you happiness and peace in these challenging times.
Luckily, I've started drawing commissions as well, and I'm trying to sort out my life along the way, so I think I can afford to get a little carried away by my characters. (btw my international passport is already in process yeeeey!)
Huns, tell me if you ever had hyperfixations on your characters. I would love to read about what brings you happiness and peace in these challenging times.
Making International passport and finally leave Russia
Posted 3 years agoHey sweeties!
Missed me?
I'm kinda fine. Didn't get to jail or something. Just struggling and trying to get out of Russia.
Good news, my application for an international passport was approved. So I need to find money to pay for it. Soooo if you wanna have some art from me, please note me.
I need money as soon as possible, cuz on Tuesday I have an interview at the migration service. Till this time I have to pay this bill.
So please, I need your help. Any art your heart desire I will make.
Love you 🤍 Stay safe
Missed me?
I'm kinda fine. Didn't get to jail or something. Just struggling and trying to get out of Russia.
Good news, my application for an international passport was approved. So I need to find money to pay for it. Soooo if you wanna have some art from me, please note me.
I need money as soon as possible, cuz on Tuesday I have an interview at the migration service. Till this time I have to pay this bill.
So please, I need your help. Any art your heart desire I will make.
Love you 🤍 Stay safe
I'm still here
Posted 3 years agoI just don't know what to write x)
I'm thinking of posting some arts with humans to the gallery. Please don't run away :D
I'm thinking of posting some arts with humans to the gallery. Please don't run away :D
Suspicious
Posted 3 years agoMy mother, before the start of all current events, flew to Egypt on vacation. Today she wrote that the Russians (at least in her hotel) are being forced to return home before March 8th. Quote "It's now or never."
I don't like to make empty assumptions, but this fact worries me a lot.
I don't like to make empty assumptions, but this fact worries me a lot.
Still here
Posted 3 years agoI began to write to friends more often for no reason that they are important to me and our friendship means a lot to me.
I also enjoy taking a break from work. I did not feel it, but it seems I am very tired and now I finally have a rest.
I'm writing this because I'm tired of bringing only bad news.
Love you guys. Your kind words and support give me hope that everything will be fine.
I also enjoy taking a break from work. I did not feel it, but it seems I am very tired and now I finally have a rest.
I'm writing this because I'm tired of bringing only bad news.
Love you guys. Your kind words and support give me hope that everything will be fine.
news from the evil empire
Posted 3 years agoWell, now in Russia it is forbidden by law to say anything against the war. The law has already been passed.
But do I care about this?
War is shit. Russia had no right to attack Ukraine and continues to do evil. Putin is an asshole.
I will try to write journals more often, although I do not want to draw attention to myself. Just to make it immediately clear that if I keep silent for a long time, then something has happened.
But do I care about this?
War is shit. Russia had no right to attack Ukraine and continues to do evil. Putin is an asshole.
I will try to write journals more often, although I do not want to draw attention to myself. Just to make it immediately clear that if I keep silent for a long time, then something has happened.
Comms to help Ukraine
Posted 3 years agoI woke up with a liberating feeling that now my fate no longer depends on me. Maybe someday things will get better, but it certainly will not be dictated by any of my actions.
And along with the feeling of being on the verge of absolute despair and absolute freedom, a wonderful idea came to me. Why close commissions when I can make cool drawings for you in exchange for your help to Ukraine? If you want to receive a drawing from me, just send me any confirmation of your donation to a charitable foundation. You will have a drawing, and the people of Ukraine will have food, shelter and warm blankets. And everyone wins.
While Putin is trying to turn the world into a pitch hell, you and I will fight back with the warmth of our hearts.
If you don't know any such fund, I know one: https://www.malteser-international....../donation.html
You can also leave in the comments other reliable funds that help the people of Ukraine.
And along with the feeling of being on the verge of absolute despair and absolute freedom, a wonderful idea came to me. Why close commissions when I can make cool drawings for you in exchange for your help to Ukraine? If you want to receive a drawing from me, just send me any confirmation of your donation to a charitable foundation. You will have a drawing, and the people of Ukraine will have food, shelter and warm blankets. And everyone wins.
While Putin is trying to turn the world into a pitch hell, you and I will fight back with the warmth of our hearts.
If you don't know any such fund, I know one: https://www.malteser-international....../donation.html
You can also leave in the comments other reliable funds that help the people of Ukraine.
No more comms
Posted 3 years agoI can no longer take commissions.
The President issued a decree forbidding the transfer of funds from PayPal (and other non-Russian services).
I don't seem to have a job anymore.
It is ironic that I also lost my previous job "thanks" to the mediocre economic policy of the President. If Putin is trying to take me to the grave, he's doing great.
The President issued a decree forbidding the transfer of funds from PayPal (and other non-Russian services).
I don't seem to have a job anymore.
It is ironic that I also lost my previous job "thanks" to the mediocre economic policy of the President. If Putin is trying to take me to the grave, he's doing great.
I'm a coward.
Posted 3 years agoLooks like it's time to immigrate.
I live in Russia and for many years I looked with shame and horror at what the authorities were doing. I went to political demonstrations, donated money to funds that help political prisoners, looked for at least some ways to influence the tyrannical government. Like many of my friends and just comrades in misfortune.
What is happening now causes nothing but a mixture of anger and impotence. And since I can't silence my conscience, sooner or later I will end up in trouble with the law. After all, in Russia you can not have your own opinion.
So I'm thinking about leaving Russia, once and for all. To give myself the freedom to say that Putin is crazy, that his reign must come to an end, and not be afraid that there will be a knock on my door.
You can call me a coward. I'm really a weak person, and I'm afraid of being beaten by the police.
I don't know if this crazy plan will work. Every day the borders are closing more and more, and I may simply not be in time. But if I don't start preparing right now, there will be even less time.
As far as I know, now Russians who try to leave the country are being severely interrogated by employees of the Federal Security Service, checking phones and other gadgets. Some are simply not allowed on planes and are told directly that no one will let them out of the country. I don't know what will be next.
It is terribly difficult for me to work now, I feel depressed. But just waiting for fate is also not an option. Therefore, I will get myself together and I will draw.
If you have any ideas for commissions, I will be happy to implement them. Almost anything. I will not draw ideas that justify war, or any sort of discrimination, and I will not draw sexual content with underage characters. The rest - whatever your heart desires.
I live in Russia and for many years I looked with shame and horror at what the authorities were doing. I went to political demonstrations, donated money to funds that help political prisoners, looked for at least some ways to influence the tyrannical government. Like many of my friends and just comrades in misfortune.
What is happening now causes nothing but a mixture of anger and impotence. And since I can't silence my conscience, sooner or later I will end up in trouble with the law. After all, in Russia you can not have your own opinion.
So I'm thinking about leaving Russia, once and for all. To give myself the freedom to say that Putin is crazy, that his reign must come to an end, and not be afraid that there will be a knock on my door.
You can call me a coward. I'm really a weak person, and I'm afraid of being beaten by the police.
I don't know if this crazy plan will work. Every day the borders are closing more and more, and I may simply not be in time. But if I don't start preparing right now, there will be even less time.
As far as I know, now Russians who try to leave the country are being severely interrogated by employees of the Federal Security Service, checking phones and other gadgets. Some are simply not allowed on planes and are told directly that no one will let them out of the country. I don't know what will be next.
It is terribly difficult for me to work now, I feel depressed. But just waiting for fate is also not an option. Therefore, I will get myself together and I will draw.
If you have any ideas for commissions, I will be happy to implement them. Almost anything. I will not draw ideas that justify war, or any sort of discrimination, and I will not draw sexual content with underage characters. The rest - whatever your heart desires.
