It turns out I'm really, really bad at getting myself to do things.

I basically haven't done any schoolwork for the last week. There hasn't even been that much of it, really, but by the time I get home from classes I just don't want to do anything at all. I had a burst of productivity last week, but I can't dredge up the resolve to do it again.

Anyone else ever feel like they'll never be a responsible adult because of stuff like this?

The awkward moment when you realize something you like just... Isn't as good as you thought it was, by your own standards.

(Dungeon design in GW2 is lacking and I don't really have anyone to talk to about it.)

(Yeah this would have made a better relationship journal, but those require relationships.)

The bottom of the last loaf I made is completely goo. D:

I know I was incredibly haphazard about how I made it, but I still suspect my oven of needing a good cleaning / to be checked with a thermometer.

Eating it now with a spoon. (It's still kind of delicious? I feel like I should be eating it with something though.) If I get salmonella and die, this loaf is why.

This is mostly me being spiteful about something given freely, but the last/latest page of  CaptainGerBear's Grant series really gets on my nerves. Part of it is because it is kind of a frustratingly frequent backstory: romantic love interest with a happy relationship is suspiciously/villainously killed thus driving a wedge between the protagonist and anyone he might have built a relationship with forever.

But mostly because when people commented "Wow they are so happy together, too bad it won't last" across the last 7 or so pages, the author played coy and all "Why would that possibly happen?" and the answer is "Because every fucking story that reaches a happy situation this early and dwells on it only does so for the gut punch of killing off the lover".

I really, really wanted this story to be different, to not do the exact same thing, again.

But it did. So now I have to deal with that disappointment.

I've assembled the Trigon Trifecta.

I have yet to complete Sword & Sworcery, and I'm guessing it's the type of game that won't let itself be finished. Its more the type to leave me with a question, burrowing into my mind and psyche. It'll find a place between the endless sense of longing and the wonder of the grandness of the world, but never quite settle.

It seems like nothing in my mind quite settles. I used to think of memory like a library. Yet mine reminds me more of a pile of pages, pulled together by a child looking to tumble through the leaves and scatter my thoughts once again.

Sword & Sworcery will be on some of those pages, referenced by others in the bizarrely universal symbology it manages to exhibit.

Just uninstall.

If they're not fun, kill it. Kill it DEAD.

Brought to you by the realization that trying to play the Wakfu beta without a subscription is just frustrating. The game is effectively gutted, and combat is way too grindy to be accurately described as 'tactics based'.

I love words. I love using them, really, I do. So I am painfully aware that I frequently use too many.

People of the internet: Look at what you just wrote. Now ask yourself, what was the actual message you wanted to pass on?

Now write down that message. Blunt, artless as it may be. Compare the length.

What you should be writing is only slightly longer than that second message.

I'm having to be all sneaky when I'm getting on FA

it's like I'm 15 again!

I'm sure it's just in celebration of April 1st

but I think I like it. Besides for the really long loading times for all the thumbnails.

Are the most annoying thing in the world and I hate people that do it.

"But Oneiros, maybe they're just friendly and happened to like your stuff!"

Nope. When I submit a 9 page story, and get a favourite within a minute of posting it, that's someone trying to favwhore pageviews or shouts on their page, because they didn't actually READ THE STORY.

Arghleblugh. Mean what you do, do what you say, and say what you mean.

(Also, mean what you say. Saying what you do and doing what you mean are optional though, since I'm not sure that last one even means anything.)

I had gotten most of the way through the last story I was writing (Sequel to my only story here) before I realized I was forcing a character to act in a certain way to be justifiable. Soon I realized that if I'm writing an erotic story that starts with someone at a research lab abducting a corporate spy in revenge for falsified emotions and data theft, they don't actually have to be a paragon of morality.

That said, it'll still be forever before I actually write that thing. But now when I do write it, the plot will move a lot more quickly.

I pretty much missed it entirely! Besides for spotting some extra pink and red and a few more hearts than usual, it was much the same as any other Tuesday for me.

I know that some people get really depressed this time of year if they're single, and others get stressed out if they're in a relationship because they're not sure how to act about it. I can't provide advice for how to treat your friend/lover, but for all of you that are single:

Go out and DO something fun today! (Even though it is over already, I guess? Maybe just make plans for tomorrow or the weekend.) Oh, and if you really want to find someone, Feb 15 is a great day to ask out / talk to that person you've been thinking about. And if there's nobody that you've been thinking about, Feb 15 is a good day to try and meet new people.

I'm being watched.

Well, probably not really. But often I try and figure out where people could be watching me from that I wouldn't notice immediately otherwise. My minor attempts at out-thinking imaginary spies was the basis for Damien's consuming paranoia.

On a homophonic note, two people have added me to their watch list and I have no idea why, and writing a person a message saying "who aaaaaarrre yooouuuuu and why are you watching me???" is somewhat weird and creepy. My only possible recourse is to actually write the rest of that NiteLabs story and see if that's related to it.

Oh, that and be passive agressive about it in journals.

I am really concerned about how people understand me over the internet. I try and comment on submissions, because I'm a watcher, and very, very cheap, so if I can't support by commissions I try and support via comments. (I hear some artists like those! I know they don't pay the bills, but it's the best way I can show interest.)

But it scares me, a little, to make comments. Because I really just don't want to annoy people or waste their time, and for some reason that fear is magnified on the internets.

To top it all off, I love subtle, understated humour. It's a recipe for disaster.

It turns out that Open Office has a very nice Auto-complete feature that suggests words for you to save you a few keystrokes. Usually it only triggers on words that are at least 8 or so characters long, which means it doesn't have a ton of suggestions for every word you start typing. However, the word suggestion bank is not only taken from files that you have typed or created on the computer, but also files that you have opened at some point or another and closed long since.

I now have to find and disable that feature immediately, because having it suggest terms like 'dragonhood' and 'hotdogging' in the middle of a report on thermal processes is funny, but unhelpful.

(The actual words were drastic and hot reservoir)

Oh and I am writing a story set in NiteLabs, as inspired by  DanandNite. I've been debating asking random people I don't really know (I don't know a lot of furs, really) if they'd like a cameo in it, or if I should just use generic one-off characters. So far there's a mostly asleep test subject, a competent but slightly selfish researcher, and a vengeful but perceptive doctor figure.

Of course, I'd send you a copy of the scene before throwing your character in, so you can tell me if you're comfortable with them playing that role or not.

EDIT: Nevermind, I think I should just use one-off characters here, since I want a bit of freedom with what I'm doing.

Just saying it now, since I won't be able to say it on the day, probably.

I... Really haven't bought many gifts for people, which is probably pretty bad. I mean, my parents probably deserve something at least.

Technically I have to do this, as I posted on  Penn's journal. Well, have to is a strong term. But still, here's what I'll do if you comment on this journal:

1. Tell you something I'll learn about you by looking at your FA page for 13 seconds.

2. Tell you which color you remind me of.

3. Tell you my first memory of you.

4. Tell you what Pokemon you remind me of. Umm, what?

5. Ask you something I've always wondered about you, and your answer has to be as vague as possible to keep the suspense.

6. Tell you my favorite thing about you.

7. Give you a weird nickname.

Now, to await the zero comments this journal will surely garner.

So I finally made a pair of instant messaging accounts to contact furs. So if oneirosgolem contacts you, that's me!

If you're thinking "okay that's you, but why are you adding me?" it's because you had your contact information public and I want to talk and get to know more people! You were probably on my watch list too.

Anyways, if you remove / block me because this is first contact, I won't take it personal. But give me a chance? I promise I'm not sending messages in hopes of cyber-sexins.

I have this compulsion to pipe up in what I percieve as open conversations with witty statements or contradictions. Sort of like yelling Objection!, except that this isn't a video game and I'm not getting paid for it.

But sometimes people say things that I disagree with so strongly it feels dishonest to not say something. It's like when people say a racist comment or further entrench sexism. There's a sort of moral culpability to the listener to call them out on it on principle.

Except for me that culpability manifests on things I just disagree strongly about, whether or not there is a moral question involved.

... I still hold that altruism exists, even if it makes you feel good about yourself.

I'm not sure I can lay claim to the title of perfectionist, but it really, really bugs me when I get things wrong.

So it kills me that FA doesn't have any sort of 'preview' option in their commenting system. I want to be able to format posts so that I can hide huge links in url tags rather than clogging up the message with them. But I am always paranoid that I'm going to end up doing it wrong and then there will be ugly broken tags all over the place.

This journal was originally a test-run of a message, to make sure said url tags worked properly.

I'm quite certain that if coloured masking tape stuck to more things, such as fabric, everything I own would be covered in it.

I am far from a follower of high fashion, but I'm really feeling the need to have clothes that distinguish me from a crowd. Or at least things to wear that feel like they're my own, instead of feeling like something an extra in a movie would wear.

I bought a tablet!

One of those cheap ones that are like $30 and probably really crappy to doodle on but now I can doodle on my computer. Also I rarely buy hobby things for myself so that's an added bonus.

Or, why I am in fact a terrible person.

(Sometimes I forget, it's nice to have a written reminder)

But I'm just watching an online 'family' break down a little further, and it makes me smile. I think it's because I love seeing people claim to be really close friends and then show that they don't understand the commitment involved with actual friends and family. Writing terrible things about each other, disowning one another within an hour... In a sick way I enjoy that there are people out there who are even more socially inept than I am.

It just seems like if you were really friends and willing to call each other brother, you'd be willing to find out why they suddenly felt like they needed to hurt you, maybe even be willing to help them realize how much it hurt without striking a blow in return.

But hey, what do I know? I don't draw pretty pictures, write good stories, or compose intriguing music. My opinion is even less valid here than usual.

Every once in a while I run into people who are certain, beyond all doubt, that some event or choice or policy is aimed specifically at them. It reminds me of acronyms on the internet.

At this point you may be thinking that I have a serious problem with topic changes, and you may be correct, but bear with me!

If I say that I'm about to go enjoy a great game of LoL, you might succesfully identify that as League of Legends. Or you might just think it's some kind of laughing game. If I said the same thing about SoC, you might think I meant SotC for Shadow of the Colossus or something. In fact, I meant Settlers of Catan.

Now, what if I say that I want to enjoy some AC*?

Depending on your choice of game / genre / hobby, there are many, many answers that will instantly be the 'right' answer to you because they are your usual focus. (Assassins Creed? Animal Crossing? AnthroCon?)

The point is this: to some degree or another everyone focuses on themselves or the people close to them by default. We see something and ask ourselves what it has to do with them, and often force a causative connection: this happened because of this person.

So just a reminder: it's not always because of you, or that person you know who is a little famous. Sometimes things happen because of interests shared by a large population!

Note that this does not apply to US politics.

* - The correct answer is air conditioning.

So my job has just switched my shift from 6AM - 2PM to 10 PM - 6 AM. This was scheduled well in advance, I knew it was coming, but jeeze. It can be hard to get continuous sleep during the day. Especially when you share a house.