I figure I owe ya'll a bit of an update, so, here goes.

Eyes
I believe by my last update I'd had both vitrectomy surgeries for my diabetic retinopathy. I forget if I mentioned, but I ended up developing a cataract in my left eye as a result; I had surgery to fix that in January. My left eye still isn't cooperating but at this point, I doubt there's anything further to be done. The retinopathy likely changed the shape of my retina so it's just something I'll have to deal with. That said, aside from nearsightedness, my right eye is working perfectly fine, and I'm ready to start driving again.

Or, rather, I would be.

Car Issues
So a couple of issues with that. First is that my license apparently was revoked due to the DMV not getting medical paperwork, despite my previous PCP sending it to them, so I'll need to have the new PCP fill it out now. To be fair, it would be expired by now anyway, since it was due to be redone this past year, and between my medical issues, the pandemic, and their need for an eye exam, I never got it done. Beyond that, I was due to have an oil change and car inspection last October - which never happened since I wasn't driving then - and because I hadn't turned the car on all of autumn and winter, the battery died. On top of all that, my license plates got stolen too XD I ended up getting a letter from the city threatening a $500 fine if he car remained (despite the fact that it was on my property - not even the side of the road, literally in my driveway), but thankfully we were able to get that issue settled. Of course, within 47 seconds of my car being towed to the shop, the next door neighbors who are always cramming cars in front of their house to do work on blocked my driveway with what looks like some sort of mounting thing, so I'm not saying I think they were the ones who complained because they wanted more room to work on cars, but I think they were the ones who complained because they wanted more room to work on cars. Anyway, this is a situation that'll be settled by May (since the DMV doesn't have any open appointment spots until then).

Health Stuff
The fluid under my lung has been resolved. In fact, much of my swelling is down due to having my dosage of Lasix increased. I do still have a lot of swelling below the knees, but that's hopefully gonna be dropping soon, and if not, I can talk to my kidney doctor about getting dialysis to help with it. A1C is down to 8 when it used to be 10, and blood pressure is hovering in the 130s instead of 160s. However, my (I think) creatine levels are still really high, as is my cholesterol. The latter issue is being dealt with by being put on a higher dose of atorvostatin. As for the creatine, my understanding is that it's likely due to some autoimmune disorder targeting nodules in my liver, which I'll soon be getting an MRI to check out.

The other thing the liver doctor suggested was that I might be a candidate for a pancreas/kidney transplant. Getting it done might well be a magical Christmasland fantasy situation, but even the smallest chance that I could even be temporarily rid of diabetes is just huge for me, and I truly am hoping I can be considered for it.

Anyway, that's all for now.

Copy/paste from my Twitter because I know not all of ya might follow me there.

---

Alrighty, folks, time for a health update and... hoo boy, it's a doozy.

Recently went to a new general practitioner and he ran the whole gamut of tests and here's what we ended up with:

- high cholesterol
- fluid under my right lung
- high potassium
- proteins in my urine
- high A1C

The cholesterol explains the hypertension, and I already knew my A1C was gonna b shit, but everything else leads to one thing: kidney disease.

I'm gonna be getting more testing done soon, and while it sounds scary, it's not entirely unexpected. Honestly, I feel like it's good that most of my health issues link back to a single root cause, because that means treating that one disease will solve so many issues I have. From researching, one of the things I'll have to do is reduce my intake of juice and milk, which is admittedly far higher than it needed to be, and that'll help not just to lower my potassium, but reduce my A1C as well.

Anyway. Yes, I'm concerned, maybe even worried... but not scared. Being scared is for things I can't do anything about, and this is all stuff I absolutely CAN do something about.

If the universe wants me dead so badly, it's gonna have to try a LOT harder.

As an addendum: my eye issues are close to resolved. I do need surgery for a cataract that resulted from the vitrectomy of my left eye, but besides that, my eyes seem to be doing well. It's just the rest of me that's being a turd.

Update over. 'Nuki out.

Alrighty, so at this point I'm roughly a month past the surgery on my right eye, and it seems to be going well. I'm a long way from being able to call my vision good, but I can read light text on dar backgrounds and I'm able to actually enjoy some art (though lineart is still really tough for my eyes to decipher right now). At the moment there's thre issues I'm faced with:

- Double-vision. Since my left retina is still detached it warps that eye's vision a lot, so there's a lot of stuff that blurs for me.

- There's a blind spot on the nasal side of my right eye. As I understand this isn't an uncommon side effect of the type of surgery I had done and I hope it fades over time.

- My eyes are especially sensitive to bright light, which makes it very difficult to get on the computer or to read amost text that's on light or bright backgrounds.

I still don't have a date for my left eye surgery set thanks to a couple of setbacks forcing me to push my next doctor appointment back, but I'm very hopeful that it'll improve things for my eyesight a lot. At bare minimum I hope it'll solve th double-vision. I'll update ya'll when I can!

Welp, since at this point I can see well enough to comfortably type, lemme catch ya'll up on the latest bullshit.

So the Saturday before last, not long after getting into work, I had a floater pop up in my right eye (basically a blood vessel inside my eye popped and bled into the vitreous humor). These aren't normally a problem except that: 1 -this was a pretty big one and was covering most of my field of vision, unlike the usual small ones I sometimes get; and 2 - my left eye already is messed up. So basically, I was suddenly functionally blind.Nobody was willing or able to cover for me either, so I was stuck there for the entire work day plus an extra two hours while my sister and my boss both tried to get me an Uber. Originally I was just going to come home, expecting it would fade over some time, but my sister suggested the ER and I agreed.

Turns out the ER was very much the right call, because my blood pressure was 210/120.

After a bit of the ER giving me blood pressure medicines and ultrasounding my eye (as well as taking the pressure without using numbing drops, ow), they determined that my retina might be detached and sent me over to another hospital with an optometrist on call. That hospital also had the wherewithall to check my blood sugar which was also astronomically high, over 500. Another round of blood pressure meds brought me down to 160/100, and when I finally got to see their optometrist, he diagnosed that it was just a floater, not a detached retina like I was fearing.

I went straight to my GP that Monday, and he got me on a good regimen of blood pressure meds as well as adjusting my insulin amounts and switching me from citalapram to prozac for my anxiety issues. The optometrist I've been seeing for the past several years was my next stop, and he determined that due to the drastic change in my vision, I was going to need surgery. So, that's coming up this Thursday for my right eye, and after that we'll need to determine if my left eye can be treated as well.

So yeah. At present, the right-eye floater's still there but it's moved enough that I can see somewhat, and the blood pressure meds from my GP have knocked m back down to the 120/80 range. I'm thiking the blood sugar was also a major contributing factor. I'm still adjusting; I've been lethargic for the past several days, but I think that'll pass once I'm better balanced as far as my blood sugar versus my insulin dosage.

So yeah. Very scary situation, and one that's gonna have me financially in the red for a long time, but ultimately something very much needed.

I ain't gonna let myself die that easy.

So, my car's totaled.

So I'd just left from the eye doctor, and started feeling low blood glucose symptoms. Didn't feel too bad at the time, so I decided it could wait until I got to the 7-11 down the road. Apparently not, because the next thing I remember was being loaded into an ambulance. Turns out I passed out because my blood sugar plummeted much faster than I'd thought - found out it was 21 when paramedics got to me - and ran into a pole going 45 mph. Thankfully no other cars were involved and I wasn't injured too badly. Just some fiction burn on my neck, a scrape on my hand, and some bruising in my chest, and I'm pretty sure most of my injuries were from the airbag deploying. I'm sure I'm gonna be really sore and stiff the net few days, but it could have been so much worse. The ER folks did CT scans on my head, neck, and chest, everything was fine, and x-rays on my wrist were fine too. Basically I got to chill in bed for a while and got some apple juice (half of which spilled on my shirt thanks to the angle of my head while they had me in a neck brace), turkey on a wheat dinner roll (for which I found the mayo packet halfway through eating), some shortbread cookies, and some peaches.

Now the downside. As I noted, my car's totaled. It wasn't exactly a new car - an '06 Charger - so we only had liability on it. So I have to see if they'll help cover my ER bill, but it's very doubtful the car itself is gonna be paid for. This also means I'm gonna be relying on rides to and from work and we're stuck paying for grocery delivery for a while, and aside from whatever art I've already gotten queued up, no more art for a while until I can figure out finances and bills and whatnot.

Anyway, just thought I'd give everyone an update. I may open shinies and/or take Paypal donations if anyone's offering, but I'd rather not do so unless it seems like my finances won't work out otherwise.

So, figured I'd whore out my newest foray into Pathfinder books.

https://www.drivethrurpg.com/produc.....ist-Compendium

This one's an encyclopedic collection of pretty much every major bit of kineticist content, including Paizo content, stuff from the Kineticists of Porphyra, Legendary Kineticists, and Occult Archetypes series, Magitech Archetypes, and even includes a solid helping of new content, with the older stuff updated to combine as seamlessly as possible with newer content. With this much stuff you could literally run a kineticists-only Pathfinder campaign!

Anyway, anyone with an interest in Pathfinder - especially if you're a fan of the kineticist class - please consider checking this out~

So  whitecolt_productions is holding an art auction, and one of the studs up for bid is little ol' me, alongside his handsome tallboi Rodney and the lovely  meeper. Go on over there and maybe put in a bid for one of us!

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/31141437/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/31141437/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/31141437/

Just a short time until I'm... god damn am I really turning 37 this year? Ugh.

Before I do though, I'd like to gauge the interest in it. I've known only a small number of folks who have opened for story commissions in the past, but I'm not sure if it's a factor of there being a small number of people who write, or if the writing market simply gets swallowed up by visual arts. What I'm curious about is:

- Would anyone be interested in buying NSFW written commissions from me? If you need examples, there's plenty in my gallery to peruse.
- What would you consider a fair pricing? I'm thinking anywhere from 1 to 2 cents per word with a 2k word minimum (making a 2k word story $20 to $40), but I still need to figure that out.

If you have Twitter, I have a poll up there, so please vote and comment: https://twitter.com/OnyxWasson/stat.....51630925398017

Otherwise, feel free to comment here instead with any thoughts or insights you might have.

At about 10:30, 11/4, my mom passed away.

I'm going to be honest, I have no clue what to feel right now. I... kinda feel okay right now. I don't know if I'm in shock and it's all gonna crash down on me later, or if I'm fine because we've been bracing ourselves for almost two weeks. I know I'm relieved for her; she's never again going to be in the excruciating pain she's been suffering this past decade that she's been bound to our home, slowly degrading. It's been so god damn weird not having her in the house though.

I dunno right now. I know I'm rambling. I just kinda need to right now I guess.

We'd been visiting her every day, and my sister put makeup on her yesterday. She was 70, but didn't look a day over 45, I swear to god the woman didn't have any wrinkles whatsoever. She had the personality of a teenager, she loved The Walking Dead and Disney. I swear she was a Disney princess, she would have been the perfect person to base the princess on if Disney made an adaptation of The Princess and the Pea. She was painfully stubborn, and that's what killed her I think, because she refused to go to the hospital until she didn't have the mental capacity to refuse any longer; you guys can look at my previous journal for more details on that. But that stubbornness was one of her greatest assets too, and something she passed to my sister and I, and I hope we can turn it from a flaw into a boon.

God dammit, I don't want her to be gone. I just... I don't know what I want.

I know I didn't want her to be in pain, it's the only thing I've ever truly wished for her. At least that's the case now.

So... my mom's dying.

About two weeks ago, her GP did his bi-yearly home visit, got her blood drawn, all that. She was fine. The next day we sat her in her toilet seat, and when she tried to get up, she couldn't. We had to call paramedics to get her back into her seat. I think that's where it started. The next we called them was to try and get her to the hospital because try as we might she wasn't strong enough to get out of her lift chair, but because she was coherent enough she was able to refuse, and did exactly that, only to have to call the paramedics again the same night because she tried to have us help her up and her knees gave way, and she fell again.

Going forward a week. By this point she's already defecated on herself, and we're doing everything to clean her up. She's also got open sores on her legs and butt... you can probably see where this is going. We called EMTs once again to try and get her to agree to go to the hospital because she was loopy but she managed to retain just enough coherence for them to deem her able to decide for herself, and she again refused.

Finally, two nights ago, she was so out of it, she hadn't eaten more than a few bites of food for a few days and barely had drank anything, and to top that off we were cleaning her and found maggots in the poop that'd fallen on the floor. This time we called her GP, and he was able to convince her to agree to the hospital... or, at least, she wasn't coherent enough to refuse. Either way, they took her in, and the ER staff found her to have necrotic wounds in the spots we couldn't reach to clean her, which resulted in total renal failure and sepsis, as well as her potassium levels being at around 8 (with 3.5 being the acceptable amount). They told us they'd never seen anyone with potassium that high still able to talk and move. Still, they got her clean, sent her to ICU to get her wounds analyzed, and put her on antibiotics and fluids to try and help stabilize her.

This morning we went back to the hospital, and they told us that her wounds were so deep that it went into her fat tissues, meaning that if we elected for it, we could have the surgery done to excise all the necrotic tissue, but it'd leave gaping holes in her that would require her to be transferred to a different hospital that specializes in burns, and would be a long ways away, far enough that we'd never be able to visit her. She'd be in pain and alone for a long time. On top of that she'd have to go through dialysis several times a day due to the renal failure. All of this is assuming she'd even survive the surgery, which she has an incredibly high risk of not living through.

The other option was hospice care, meaning that instead of treating her for the health issues, they'd treat her for the symptoms and just... let her go. It just... this is a fucking horrific choice to make. At the end of the day, we're not choosing between life and death though, we're just choosing how she dies.

All I've ever wanted, ever since she first fell ill, was for my mom to be without pain.

We're going with the hospice care.

There's so many things I want to blame this on right now. I want to blame myself for not being able to do more for her, I want to blame the EMTs for not taking her to the hospital despite her refusal, I want to blame her for not wanting to go and knowing the risks and just not fucking believing it'd happen. But I can't. Everyone's to blame, but at the same time nobody's to blame, because everyone was doing everything they could.

I just... she's not dead yet, but... she's gone. I fucking hate it but she's gone already and there's nothing I can do about it.

I'm leaving comments blocked on this one. Everyone who has well wishes, I appreciate them. But right now I can't handle too many more. For now I just have to evolve to fit life without my mom, and I don't know how quickly I'm going to adapt. Maybe never, considering I can't even bear to look at the things she used to use without choking.

I'll be fine, I'm sure of it. For now I'll just live my life as normally as possible, take things as they come. I have a good support system, both locally and online friends. I'm going to make it through.

Alrighty, so she was lucid when the EMTs came by, and since we don't have power of attorney over her, we couldn't make her go and she flatly refused. I wan her to go so she can get help but what's important is she's awake and aware.

I probably should go into some details here, but I'll be as brief as I can. She has severe lymphedema issues that prevent her from getting up under her own power, but she's mostly been able to with help. Tuesday, however, she wasn't able to get up from her toilet seat and required EMTs to come out and assist her to her chair. The whole next day she had us lifting her from her chair like six or seven times, but each time sat right back down due to being too tired, and from that night through this morning, she's been in and out of lucidity, kind of like she's been talking in her sleep but while she's awake as well. This also coincides with an increase to her Citalapram, and during that whole three days she's had maybe five or six bites of food total. However, she is lucid now, and acting mostly like her normal self, so... I just don't know right now.

Right now, since she won't go to the hospital, we're gonna have to wait until her GP can get back to her on Monday and I pray he'll tell her to go to the emergency room at least.

Long story short, my mother's started having delusions after a series of things going on with her and we need to take her to the hospital to get her checked out and see what's going on. Don't really have much time to go into more detail now though, just letting everyone know if I'm not around, this is why

https://accuweather.brightspotcdn.c.....542%2Fpage.jpg

It would appear that, unless it changes course drastically toward the east, I'm gonna be in the clear. Still, we're not out of the woods yet, so we'll see how things go. Either way, my thoughts go toward those who are gonna be affected; I've been through a few hurricanes in the past so I know it'll be tough going for those hit whether it's where I am or further to the south.

Hey folks. Since I'm kinda stuck in the area that's gonna be affected by Hurricane Florence, there's a good chance I won't be able to get back to anyone during the weekend, so if anyone needs anything after Thursday I'll get back to you when I can!

That's gonna be my age all year starting today

So, turning 36 on 4/7. Which makes it the third year of the dog, too.

Ya know just sayin

Just wanted to promote my boyfriend  ishiga-san's stuff. He's been trying for a little more than a year to get some money saved up for a new computer and tablet, as the ones he has now are hand-me-downs that are starting to show their age. I recently went through a bit of a scare with my old laptop, but while I was able to fall back on help from family, he's pretty much on his own financially. He is a highly-skilled artist in his own right, so I'd suggest you guys check his work out and, if you like hat you see, support him on his Patreon or Ko-fi if you can. Even if you can't, just passing the word along to others can be helpful!

Where you can see his work:
http://www.furaffinity.net/user/ishiga-san/
https://twitter.com/Ishiga24
https://voidstonecreative.tumblr.com/
https://beta.furrynetwork.com/ishiga/
https://www.weasyl.com/~ishiga
http://ishiga-san.sofurry.com/

Where you can support him:
https://ko-fi.com/voidstonecreative
https://www.patreon.com/VoidstoneCreative
paypal.me/IshiArts

Just a heads up for those of you inteested in Pathfinder: my second solo authoring venture, Legendary Brawlers, is now available!

http://paizo.com/products/btpy9y1r/.....ndary-Brawlers

So, my old lappy is quite rapidly deteriorating. The keyboard was already fucked, as was the hinge connecting the top and bottom. And now, the monitor has finally died. Not only that, but it no longer goes into sleep mode when the lid is closed, it just turns itself off completely.

I've got plans to get a new desktop to replace it with some help from my sister, and I've got an old flatscreen TV as a replacement monitor at the moment, so it's no big deal, but my activities in most areas of the net are gonna be somewhat reduced until I get the new computer; just thought I'd give a fair warning.

Since it seems to be so popular with the kids these days: http://mygamestudio.x.fc2.com/mosaic/ There now you can all be cool kids. Go forth! Make those pixels pulse!

But wait there's more! http://mygamestudio.x.fc2.com/milkext/ No censor and more dynamic squidging! It lacks the twitching, but if you can get yourself two versions of the same pic where the dick is juuuuuuust slightly positioned differently...

Got it unlocked~

Turns out I was a slight derp. I just needed to actually reply to their automated thing. Account's unlocked. Now back to our regularly scheduled automated activity wholesome and highly responsible retweeting.

So. Now they banned me AGAIN. The problem this time was something regarding "automated activity." But here's the issue with that: I literally only retweeted something and it triggered it. I wasn't retweeting in excess, I wasn't spamming, I just... have no clue what I supposedly did wrong. On top of that, their phone verification STILL refuses to work, and they have sent no e-mail.

So... yeah. Like hell am I making another Twitter account. I need to find a way to fix this, or else just not be on Twitter anymore. Seriously, this is some kinda shit >_> I've made an appeal report, so we'll see how that works out

Aight so, I kiiiiiinda fucked up my twitter account guys. XD So you remember how Microsoft announced the XBox One X during E3? Do you also remember some people calling it the Onex? Well, in a stroke of absolute brilliance, I uploaded the XBox symbol as my avatar and made a name change to XBox Ony X.

...literally three seconds later, I'm immediately restricted from my account. No e-mail to tell me "Hey, yeah, you violated trademark rules, so we had to ban you" or anything, just WHOP from the banhammer. Honestly it's not being banned that bugs me, it's just not being given the chance to fix it in the whole three seconds it was up. I did the whole phone number confirmation thing, but it refused to take the code they provided to grant me access to my account's features, instead giving me a "Well, something went wrong, there was a technical issue, please try again." So with no way to change the avatar that put the account in violation in the first place, I can only assume and treat this as a permanent block for that account. Ultimately not that big a deal; the fact is I did violate a pretty big should-have-been-obvious rule (even if unintentionally), so I can't realistically call foul here.

That said, I've gone ahead and set up a new handle that I will be using from now on: OnyxWasson. I'm in the process of refollowing anyone I had with the previous account, and I encourage anyone who followed that one to unfollow it and follow my new handle instead.

Anyway, the lesson here is, I need to think through my actions rather than give in to impulsive decisions. I might be an intelligent guy but I'm far from being smart :P

 ishiga-san  ishiga-san  ishiga-san

My boyfriend here does some gud shit:

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/22910382/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/23231799/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/23000993/

Price Guide - http://www.furaffinity.net/view/23570997/

Over the years, I've seen his work slowly but steadily improving, and as you can see from the above examples, my man can produce some high quality work. At this point, though, he needs a financial bump to help keep him afloat, and ya'll can help by throwing some money at him. Go at it yo!