Well this actually happened when my other uncle died in 2017. But I only actually told my mother about it last night after letting it slip while we were returning home from a restaurant. However, everything worked out well. So I think it is time I came clean and shared this with you all since I have long moved on and have nothing to fear at this point.

I didn't want to tell my folks about it for obvious reasons, so when I accidentally let it slip, I was pretty nervous. My mother reacted just like you'd expect her to.

Okay, so you know I have many uncles right? This one tends to be very risque, always asking my questions about my sex life, and what not whenever we meet (to the point where he comes off as a 'Dirty Old Man'... He's in his 60s). >_>

Well, he has back problems and has had to have surgery a few times in the past couple years. And he needed a back massage right? I've given him one before so I figured it would not be too much of an issue, since he's family.

Well after the funeral I tried to help him out since he does help me time to time (it's not the same uncle that I tried to move in with, BTW). But as I gave the massage, he started asking those usual risque questions. And then he asked me to sit on his back...

It was sorta uncomfortable, but I went along with it. But then he started asking me to sit further and further down his backside, almost right onto his buttock area...

It was when he started rubbing his hands around his lower back (and on my butt), that I got really uncomfortable and told him to stop. After that I told him I need to sleep soon since I've been working on my final paper the night before and had little time to rest with the funeral being held the next morning...

He then asked if I wanted to do it again, and I told him it made me uncomfortable. He seemed a bit shocked that I said no, but then he realized that he was making me uncomfortable when we did that and like 5mins after he left, he called me apologizing and offering me $50 to give him another massage next week to help me with my own finances.

Well... Fast forward to a few weeks, he called me again, and asked did he still need to pay me to give the massage again (he wanted to come that day, but I had to help my aunt). I told him, "Pay me if you want to", but really I said that to see if he was really committed (and to answer, no he did NOT pay).

He came over again that next day, and after the same routine, this time he wanted me to sit on his stomach, then lay back on him, and then, like before, he asked me to move downward towards... yeah. I cut it off right then, and told him that's all for today.

He claims that he wants me to get "more comfortable" and that I was too tense and needed to relax, but I was extremely wary of he and his intentions the whole time... And how he wanted to "take baby steps" like I told him the last time. And on top of that, he asked me to keep it between us. (Obviously I didn't.)

... Yeah, no more back rubs for him... That's what a chiropractor is for...

And if that wasn't enough, the next day (after TELLING him I was going to be busy all day), he calls me in the afternoon, jokingly asking why I haven't called him, and if I didn't love him anymore... He tried to joke about it obviously, but he's shown his perverted side to me for years (with the sex ed DVD he wanted to give me a couple years back)...

I pretty much cut him off after that. I rarely take his calls. And I don't even do anything with him any more. Looking back, it was clear he tried to take advantage of my niceness and guilt trip me into doing something only he would enjoy, and probably thought I was naive enough to let him go thru with this.

I only told a couple of my closest friends at the time because I did not trust my family enough to respond civilly. But after talking with my mother she seemed relieved that I cut this ordeal off before it went too far. It effectively killed her opinion of him as a side note.

As for my mother... She was most concerned with whether or not we did *that*. But again I stopped that before it reached that point. Kinda glad, she stated she would have wanted him locked up otherwise, and she did state that a relative would have probably wanted to kill him if they learned that happened. She is still trying to come to terms with this revelation and has stated that it felt like a dream, but I think we both are better off for it.

Since this happened to me nearly two years ago, and I've long moved on. I've already learned the lessons and an act would both open old scars and cause a huge stink when there's already enough issues as is.

I just wanted to share this so that it might help someone in my situation. I dunno if I should have acted differently back then, or if this was even the proper closure for me. But what's done is done now.

Just say no if in doubt. Get help if it proves too difficult or you're too afraid to stand up to your situation.

I don't expect this journal to get much attention, much less any sympathy -- but in typing this I feel can further move on with my life all the wiser.

With my final commission done, I've officially cleared my workload.

However, it proved to be an unsatisfying job on my part. I took far to long and recent stuff have caused me to start questioning my ability and work ethic as of late.

I am unsure if I should continue offering commissions for now until I improve my work ethic.

I'll decide by the end of the month what to do. Until then, my commissions are still open.

2018 had its ups and down. Mostly dull on my end though. Hoping 2019 is nicer to me overall. Plan to attend college again this month.

Here are 2019 Resolutions for me:

1) Try to be a lot more productive this year.
2) Try to be better as a person. Feeling too much like a worthless NEET lately...
3) Be a bit more phyiscally active as it's time I started taking better care of my health now that I am in my 30s.
4) OVERCOME MY ANXIETY!!

In the words of a game I loved to play:
"Let's survive." ~ SMT Devil Survivor 2

Ask me anything!

Yay or nay?

Ask me anything related to me or my OCs (Otoh, Azul, Sekhur, or Zaghur).

As it's late in the day, I'll answer questions until this time tomorrow.

Like last time, any questions related to the OCs in-character will be answered from the character themselves if it makes sense to do so (ergo, Azul will answer questions directed to him as if you asked him directly. And may chime in on other questions if it is relevant enough to him to warrant a response).

Been thinking... I feel I tend to have a habit of making a conversation about me when I talk to others, so going forward I'll try to be a better listener. I also think I need to be more active in general.

I dunno if people follow my journals that closely, bur feel free to poke me for a conversation if you do. I'm available pretty much anytime.

Gonna do this again, since people seemed interested in this.

Ask me anything related to me or my OCs (Otoh, Azul, Sekhur, or Zaghur).

Gonna take a slightly diff approach this time and try to answer any questions related to the OCs in-character (ergo, Azul will answer questions directed to him as if you asked him directly. And may chime in on other questions if it is relevant enough to him to warrant a response).

Let's see if anyone bites.

Ask me anything (about my OCs, my personal life, etc). I'll do my best to answer if anyone is interested.

I need to change this going forward.

Ugh. smashed my middle finger in my car door yesterday. The fingernail broke in two near the base and blood splattered all over.

This naturally mandated a visit to ER. Luckily nothing was serious. It's bleeding much less now, but it'll be weeks before it heals as the nail has to come off and regrow.

Have pics but not showing out of courtesy.

Also lost my cat to a car the day before. She was such a good kitty... Would follow you all over the yard and was very playful. Too pure for this world.

And to a lesser extent some files on my Harddrive got corrupted so I had to spend the afternoon redownloading the corrupt data.

Such is life.

PS: To the guy who recently ordered a commission from me: I will probably need to take a week off and let my finger recover before I continue work. You know who you are.

Another year has gone by. I'm back in college, gotten a bit better at my art, and managed to remain positive in spite of all the mess and hurdles thrown at me. I know there are many things I could have done better, but that's in the past now.

Here are 2018 Resolutions for me:

1) Try to be more involved with my artwork. I really could have been a lot more productive this year.
2) Try to be more social. It does feels like no one here wants to talk to me though...
3) Try to better my career pursuit. In this case it will be in the form of continuing college studies while seeking an oncampus job.

In any case, this year is basically done. Let's hope 2018 is a bit less of an embarrassment.

In the words of a game I loved to play:
"Let's survive." ~ SMT Devil Survivor 2

Pretty quiet here, but hope you all enjoy yourselves.

Then Sonic Mania happened. First time I bought a Sonic game in 12 years. And I feel like I am back in the 90s and early 2000s with my love of the series.

Having Knuckles be playable again was worth it (last game he was featured in was the Sonic Advance series). And all the little details and callbacks was nice.

Definitely recommended it if you're an old fan or like platformer games.

I am curious, which muscle group would you say you consistently like most from my gallery?

Man do I hate it too. Felt like I was suddenly twice my age and couldn't even do some of the simpler stuff like situp or walk without feeling every ache.

I'm feeling better now, thankfully. Just hope it's the yearly bug passing by.

How do you guys manage to draw really large builds so well? Seems like whenever I try to exaggerate the builds of my characters, it looks off.

I am going to host another Orctober request event again this year.

I know I haven't been on the ball with doing requests, but I intend to make up for my sluggishness this time. And that includes complete any outstanding work.

I'll post a pic within the next few days explaining the details but the main thing is the subject MUST be centered on Orcs.

Hurricane Irma won't hit me until around Monday (I live in the western part of Georgia), class was already canned for the day, and the admins are on the fence about needing to can Tuesday as well. We're expecting heavy rain and possible tornadoes...

Already bought some supplies so bring it on I guess.

I've been feeling under the weather for the past couple weeks. Namely having trouble breathing, random coughs, foreboding feelings, and lastly, feeling like my heart is taking an extra second between beats randomly.

Soo I told the folks about it, we arranged for a doctor visit...

Turns out it was all due to my recent anxiety and stress. Guess it cannot be helped, given how often I feel anxious...

Thought it was a heart issue, but it was ruled out quickly when I told the doc I was fully capable of walking at least a mile nonstop without issue. So this was the only other possibility.

After having a discussion with the doc about the "wonders" of high stress. I've been instructed to exercise, cut back on caffeine, and.... I'm on antidepressants for a month.

What a way to start my 30th year of life.

Moving on, I've also been getting ready for my big bday bash this saturday. I've been ready for this since last year's party so it's something to look forward.

EDIT: Not 5mins after getting home, I slipped and nearly fell off my 5ft high porch. FML

ZYL5#8203

I know people are slowly migrating from whatever chat app they were using prior, so I made one in case people wish to contact me.

As of right now I am finishing up the final commission, just need to show it to the client for his approval. If the client is happy with what I've done, then I will be officially current with all my outstanding jobs.

This means I will be reopening up my commission service shortly. I will post a flyer with the prices and details for any takers... The prices are the same, just updated some details and added some new options for commissions.

Just as soon as I get the OK from the last client that is.

With May nearly over, it is nearly summer time and all the events that come along with it.

I am nearly finished with the last commission backlog. Assuming I do not invoke "Author Existence Failure" over the next 24 hours, I should have every order complete.

I must once again thank everyone for being patient with me to date.

Speaking of which, I will reopen as soon as I finish this last piece. I will also post an updated Commission flyer with all the options for artwork orders. The prices are mostly the same, but the differences should not be more than a $1 USD in either direction.


I know I say it a lot, but I will be much more proactive with my work going forward. I feel awful making people wait more than a couple weeks for their commission. I want to be professional when it comes to this, and I think promptness is a very important element that I need to work on personally.

Bleh, the school won't reinstate me until I meet their 67% class completion requirement. I am at ~60% as of right now. However, the number of classes I've taken, it would take several semesters worth to meet it.

I do not have enough to attend more than one class out of pocket, so it'll take forever to meet that req...

May as well call it quits for awhile, not worth making my folks pay so much for my mistakes.


I will have to land a parttime job to afford tuition at this point. So I'll likely be spending the next few weeks job hunting (again). Failing that, I'll just take another single class this fall courtesy of the fam.

Long term, I am considering just settling for an Associate's degree (AKA 2 Year Degree) and getting a related job. Even with an Associate's in Computer Science, I can get a 25k~35k yearly salary job. It costs about 1800$ to take 2 classes, $2800 to take 4 AKA Full Time. So it's not completely out of reach since I have no financial obligations beyond studend loans.

Issue is finding a parttime job in the first place.

If anyone has known me for a while, you would likely already know of my situation in college (Was on academic probation and cannot get financial aid due to not meeting the SAP's requirement of passing at least 67% of all classes to date; I am at ~60% at the moment) I've submitted my appeal letter to the Financial Aid board at my college for the reinstatement of my FASFA. But I will not get a response until Friday. If its approved, I can apply for loans again (which means I can take more classes at once).

My financial aid advisor even told me that she will pray for my appeal's approval (she read it and her reaction towards my paper seemed positive).

I'll know on Friday what the final verdict is... Really, really worried...

In the meantime, I will focus on finishing my last commission, I've already begun the greyscale so I about halfway done.