So for the first time in weeks, I am actually feeling good. It's been very complicated considering I've had more than enough time on my hands, but something was keeping me down.

Work. And not having any.

I haven't worked since after the 4th of July weekend and even though at the End of July I managed to snag a job...it didn't start till this week. I was very worried, and scared, mostly because this job felt to good to be real. And after dealing with the bullshit that has been Comfort-mother-fucking-Suites. They can all eat shit and die for how they treat people who did NOTHING but bend over backwards for all their BULLSHIT.

I've had enough people fuck with me and fuck with my life. And for the first time in forever since I've come back, I feel like I actually kinda belong here. And meeting people that I know I've seen at a party before and wanting to just tell them "HEY, SO LIKE YOU'RE COOL AND I CAN BE SOMETIMES."

I just miss having friends that give a fuck, and I miss having much older adult friends that treat me like I'm human and not just some fucking whiney ass kid in her 20's. And actually going "Hey! That really sucks bro, wanna go grab a bite?"

Just, these people have showed more kindness then a lot of people have in the last few years that is destroying me with happiness. If anything I feel like I'm back in Portland...even if only for a second..

The point is, I have a scheduled normal life again, and I'm working for a small private school feeding kids from K-6th. And I can be myself completely, I don't have to take out my piercings, I don't have to hide my tattoos, and the best...FUCKING DYING MY HAIR WHATEVER COLOR I WANT!!

Possibly one of the hugest damn things I can do to cheer myself, and I was finally able too.

LOVE TO YOU ALL WHO HAVE RECENTLY WATCHED ME

And love to the ones who have always stuck around. :3

Stole this from  xK2x

Basics

Name: Robyn
Nickname: Ottylicious, Alice
Location: Utah
Age: 25
Height: 5'7"
Zodiac sign: Aquarius/Pieces
Pets: Dorgi named Mr. Ruffles
Favorite thing about yourself: My ability to make people smile and laugh
Worst habit: uuuuhhh.......
Fun fact: I live back in the middle of butt fuck no where

Identity, Sexuality & Personality

Gender identity: Female
Sexual preference: Lesbian
Romantic preference: Lesbian
"Kinsey Scale" score: REALLY gay
Relationship status: Happily taken by my Panther <3
Myers/Briggs type: ....HUH
Hogwarts house: Slytherin

Routine

"Early Bird" or "Night Owl": Both
First thought in the morning: "Why the fuck am I awake this early"
Last thought before falling asleep at night: "Why the fuck am I not asleep?"

School/Work

Do you work or are you a student: Work
What do you do well: Picking things up fuckin quickly any task anything, you only have to show me once. Unless it's math...
Where do you see yourself in 5 years: Happy or dead.


Habits (Do you…?)

Drink: Yes
Smoke: Yes
Do Drugs: Only pot, but it's a plant...come on.
Exercise: Does having excessive anxiety an exercise? Because I'm pretty sure that's what keeps my weight where it's at.
Have a go-to comfort food: Anything fattening
Have a nervous habit: Picking at my eyebrows or biting my nails

What is your favorite…?

Physical quality (in yourself): My face
In Others: Usually the face
Mental/emotional quality (in yourself): PFFFFFTT AHHH HAHAHA...laughing
Food: Salty things
Drink: Water or a Mixed beverage
Animal: Dogs, cats, otters, cows.
Colors: Purple and Navy Blue
Artist/Band/Group: My music goes in every which direction, but Nobuo Uematsu is by far the ultimate inspiration for everything I do.
Author/Poet: Sarah Waters, Gregory Maguire, and Marion Zimmer Bradley
Actor/Actress: I'll give you my currents, Lana Parrilla, Alex Kingston, Jamie Clayton, and Freema Agyeman.
Blogger: Don't have one

Annnd there you have it.

Lookin at these last few years I've managed to gain some skillz.

AND GREAT FRANS WITH SKILLZ

I love you all.

I've been through a lot of bullshit this last year and I've finally gotten the balls to say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH

I love Art in all forms so I'm just gonna do it all that I can.

Oh, and I've started composing again, but it's been years since I've used Reason and a lot of pot smoked since then..

So remembering how this very intense technical but some how easy program works is a challenge and with leaving the fucking Hotel I have been able to break down my art block.

Love to you all

Ottylicious Robby

HOLY SHIT COMMENCE ALL THE DRAWING!

I stare at my reflection in the mirror:
"Why am I doing this to myself?"
Losing my mind on a tiny error,
I nearly left the real me on the shelf.
No, no, no, no, no...

Don't lose who you are in the blur of the stars!
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It's okay not to be okay.
Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart.
Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,
Just be true to who you are!
(who you are [x11])

Brushing my hair, do I look perfect?
I forgot what to do to fit the mold, yeah!
The more I try the less it's working, yeah
'Cause everything inside me screams
No, no, no, no, no...

Don't lose who you are in the blur of the stars!
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It's okay not to be okay.
Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart.
But tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,
There's nothing wrong with who you are!

Yes, no's, egos, fake shows, like WHOA!
Just go, and leave me alone!
Real talk, real life, good love, goodnight,
With a smile, that's my home!
That's my home, no...

No, no, no, no, no...
Don't lose who you are in the blur of the stars!
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It's okay not to be okay...
Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart.
Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,
Just be true to who you are!
Yeah yeah yeah

Sweet love, sweet love
Trapped in your love
I’ve opened up, unsure I can trust
My heart and I were buried in dust
Free me, free us
You’re all I need when I’m holding you tight
If you walk away I will suffer tonight

I found a man I can trust
And boy, I believe in us
I am terrified to love for the first time
Can you see that I’m bound in chains?
I’ve finally found my way

I am bound to you
I am bound to you

So much, so young, I’ve faced on my own
Walls I built up became my home
I’m strong and I’m sure there’s a fire in us
Sweet love, so pure
I catch my breath with just one beating heart
And I embrace myself, please don’t tear this apart

I found a man I can trust
And boy, I believe in us
I am terrified to love for the first time
Can’t you see that I’m bound in chains?
I’ve finally found my way

I am bound to you
I am bound to

Suddenly the moment’s here
I embrace my fears
All that I have been carrying all these years
Do I risk it all? Come this far just to fall?
Fall

I can trust and boy, I believe in us
I am terrified to love for the first time
Can you see that I’m bound in chains?
And finally found my way

I am bound to you
I am, ooh I am
I’m bound to you

I Know That You're Sad
Hurt In The Past
Got You Believing Love Won't Last
It's Not Hard To Tell
You've Lost All Your Faith
Don't Blame Us All For A Fool's Mistake
Friends They Advise I Should Let Got
They're Calling You Ice But I See You Glow
You're Making Me Crazy
What Can I Say
I'd Do Anything To Take The Pain Away
When You Gonna Realise That You're Lonely
I Can See It In Your Eyes You Don't Have To Be
When You Gonna Realise I'm The Remedy
Won't You Give My Love A Try You'll Be Safe With Me
You'll Be Safe With Me
Something So Strong Could Take On The World
I'm Not Just Talking About Being Your Girl
The Things I Want Us To Do
Get Into Me Like I'm Into You
Walking In The Park
Watching Leaves Fall
Lovers In The Dark
Counting Every Star
Finally When You're Trust Is In Me
I'll Give You My Love Real Slow And Tender
When You Gonna Realise That You're Lonely
I Can See It In Your Eyes You Don't Have To Be
When You Gonna Realise I'm The Remedy
Won't You Give My Love A Try
You'll Be Safe With Me You'll Be Safe With Me
When You Gonna Realise That You're Lonely
I Can See It In Your Eyes You Don't Have To Be
When You Gonna Realise I'm The Remedy
Won't You Give My Love A Try You'll Be Safe With Me
You'll Be Safe With Me
You're Here In My Arms
And That's How I Want It Boy
When The Morning Comes
You'll Know What I Feel
So Real
I Dream Of Your Smile
Night After Night
The One That You Hide From The Daylight
Stop All Those Tears
Doubt In Your Mind
Leave All Your Fears Way Behind

Dreamless dorm
Ticking clock
I walk away from the soundless room
Windless night
Moonlight melts
My ghostly shadow to the lukewarm gloom
Nightly dance of bleeding sword
Reminds me that I still live
I will burn my dread
I once ran away from the god of fear
And he chained me to despair
Burn my dread

I will break the chain
And run 'til I see the sunlight again
I lift my face and run through the sunlight
Voiceless town
Tapping feet
I clench my fist in pockets tight
Far in mist a tower waits
Like a merciless tomb, devouring the moonlight
Clockwork maze
End unknown
In frozen time a staircase stands
Shadows crawl on bloodstained floor
I rush straight ahead with a sword in hands
Cold touch of my trembling gun
I close my eyes to hear you breathe
Burn my dread
Burn my dread
I will burn my dread
This time I'll grapple down that god of fear
And throw him into hell's fire
Burn my dread
I will shrug the pain
And run 'til I see the sunlight again
Oh, I will run burning all regret and dread
And I will face the sun with pride of the living

Passionate

You are in touch with your emotions, and sometimes you react before you think. The good news: you don't tamp down your feelings. The bad news: you sometimes say or do things that you later wish you could take back.
You do not live your life on an even keel; you do not go for long periods without experiencing some mood swings.

Introspective

You like your own company; you're a very interesting person. Tracking your own mental processes, knowing what you're thinking and why you do what you do, is important to you. Often, what's going on in your mind is more compelling than what's going on outside. For the most part, those with a high score on the "introspective" trait enjoy reading, taking long walks, learning new things, and other solitary activities.
You are not someone who is constantly looking to be among a group of friends; you never feel bored when you are by yourself.

Aesthetic

You appreciate art, beauty, and design; you know that they are not superficial but absolutely crucial to living the good life. You have good taste, and you're proud of it. Those with a high score on the "aesthetic" trait are often employed in literary or artistic professions, enjoy domestic activities — doing things around the house — and are enthusiastic about the arts, reading, and travel.
You don't think it's pretentious to be moved by art and beauty. You're not one of those who believe it doesn't matter what something looks like as long as it does its job.

Stressed Out

You often feel that there's too much on your plate, that you don't have the strength to deal with the bad hand you've been dealt, or that you're going to lose it if you have to deal with one more problem.
You don't always bounce back quickly from adversity; sometimes when you get bad news it can hang over you for a long time.

Original

You are constantly coming up with new ideas. For you, the world as it exists is just a jumping-off place; what's going on inside your mind is often more interesting than what's going on outside.
You don't feel that the road to success is to be a realist and stick to the program; you never stop yourself from coming up with new ideas or telling the world what you're thinking about.

Emotional

You let it all hang out, and those around you always know what you're going through.
You are not isolated from your emotions; no one would call you "cold-blooded," or even "cool as a cucumber."

Volatile

You go with the flow when it comes to your emotions. Whether you're happy or sad, you show it, and when something upsets you, or you're feeling stressed out, those around you will know it right away.
You are not necessarily the one person in any group who can be depended on to stay calm, cool, and collected in a crisis; you aren't known for keeping your emotions under wraps.

Meticulous

You tend to want everything you touch to be just right. You can spot errors, omissions, shoddy work, or bad taste from a mile away. You demand a lot of yourself, and you often hold others to the same standards.
You don't want to be one of those people who couldn't care less about doing a job well, and you don't think it helps to apologize for the sloppiness of others or cut them a lot of slack.

Buttoned-Down

You like to know that everything is in its place; it's somehow empowering to know that the world around you is neat and organized. For you, schedules and timelines are great ways to stay on track, and mowing down the items on your "to do" list is a source of happiness.
You do not believe that a clean, orderly desk is the sign of a person who doesn't have enough to do; you don't thrive on a sense of personal anarchy.

Reserved

You are somewhat shy, or at least unwilling to spend all your time socializing. With you it's true that "still waters run deep," which is why many of your acquaintances never get to know you well.
You are not always ready to talk at the drop of a hat. Whether you're in the office or at a party, you're not likely to be found gabbing away in the middle of a group of people.

Where are you this moment
Only in my dreams
You're missing, but you're always
a heartbeat from me.

I'm lost now without you.
I don't know where you are.
I keep watching,
I keep hoping,
but time keeps us apart.

[chorus]
Is there a way I can find you?
Is there a sign I should know?
Is there a road I could follow,
to bring you back home?

Winter lies before me,
Now you're so far away
In the darkness of my dreaming
The light of you will stay

If I could be close beside you,
If I could be where you are,
If I could reach out and touch you,
And bring you back home.

[chorus]
Is there a way I can find you?
Is there a sign I should know?
Is there a road I could follow,
to bring you back home?

To me...

Enya

Do you still remember
How we used to be
Feeling together, believe in whatever
My love has said to me
Both of us were dreamers
Young love in the sun
Felt like my saviour, my spirit I gave ya
We'd only just begun

Hasta Manana,
Always be mine

[Chorus:]
Viva forever, I'll be waiting
Everlasting, like the sun
Live forever,
For the moment
Ever searching for the one

Yes I still remember,
Every whispered word
The touch of your skin, giving life from within
Like a love song that I'd heard
Slipping through our fingers,
Like the sands of time
Promises made, every memory saved
Has reflections in my mind

Hasta Manana,
Always be mine

[Chorus]

Back where I belong now,
Was it just a dream
Feelings unfold, they will never be sold
And the secret's safe with me

Hasta Manana,
Always be mine

That's not the beginning of the end
That's the return to yourself
The return to innocence
Love - Devotion
Feeling - Emotion
Love - Devotion
Feeling - Emotion
Don't be afraid to be weak
Don't be too proud to be strong
Just look into your heart my friend
That will be the return to yourself
The return to innocence
If you want, then start to laugh
If you must, then start to cry
Be yourself don't hide
Just believe in destiny
Don't care what people say
Just follow your own way
Don't give up and use the chance
To return to innocence
That's not the beginning of the end
That's the return to yourself
The return to innocence
Don't care what people say
Follow just your own way Follow just your own way
Don't give up, don't give up
To return, to return to innocence.
If you want then laugh
If you must then cry
Be yourself don't hide
Just believe in destiny.

Enigma

I'm broke but I'm happy
I'm poor but I'm kind
I'm short but I'm healthy, yeah
I'm high but I'm grounded
I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed
I'm lost but I'm hopeful baby
What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be fine fine fine
'cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving a high five
I feel drunk but I'm sober
I'm young and I'm underpaid
I'm tired but I'm working, yeah
I care but I'm restless
I'm here but I'm really gone
I'm wrong and I'm sorry baby

What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be quite alright
'cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is flicking a cigarette
And what it all comes down to
Is that I haven't got it all figured out just yet
'cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving the peace sign
I'm free but I'm focused
I'm green but I'm wise
I'm hard but I'm friendly baby
I'm sad but I'm laughing
I'm brave but I'm chickenshit
I'm sick but I'm pretty baby

And what it all boils down to
Is that no one's really got it figured out just yet
'cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is playing the piano
And what it all comes down to my friends
Is that everything's just fine fine fine
'cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is hailing a taxi cab

Alanis Morissette

A clouded dream on an earthly night
Hangs upon the crescent moon
A voiceless song in an ageless light
Sings at the coming dawn
Birds in flight are calling there
Where the heart moves the stones
It's there that my heart is calling
All for the love of you


A painting hangs on an ivy wall
Nestled in the emerald moss
The eyes declare a truce of trust
And then it draws me far away
Where deep in the desert twilight
Sand melts in pools of the sky
When darkness lays her crimson cloak
Your lamps will call me home


And so it's there my homage's due
Clutched by the still of the night
And now I feel you move
Every breath is full
So it's there my homage's due
Clutched by the still of the night
Even the distance feels so near
All for the love of you.

by Loreena Mckennitt

In the roses
In the spring
I remember
There was a time
I wasn’t afraid of anything
But with the lilacs
And the rain
One day you went away
I remember
I forgot everything
[Chorus:]
My mother’s always trying to tell me
How to be grateful how to believe
My father’s always trying to say
Baby you’re beautiful in every way
My lover’s always got me in his arms
Trying to protect me keep me from harm
So why do I always have to be
My worst my own worst enemy
In the shadows in the grays
In the lonely
There is a place
Where we can all hide away
But in the windows of the soul
There is nowhere we can go
If we keep running
Running from our destiny
[Chorus:]
My mother’s always trying to tell me
How to be grateful how to believe
My father’s always trying to say
Baby you’re beautiful in every way
My lover’s always got me in his arms
Trying to protect me keep me from harm
So why do I always have to be
My worst my own worst enemy
You say I walk on water
You say I walk on the moon
But it’s never enough
(no it’s never enough no it’s never enough)
You say I’m only human
It’s all in my head
But it’s never enough
(no it’s never enough no it’s never enough)
One day I’ll find
My alibi…
[Chorus:]
My mother’s always trying to tell me
How to be grateful how to believe
My father’s always trying to say
Baby you’re beautiful in every way
My lover’s always got me in his arms
Trying to protect me keep me from harm
So why do I always have to be
My worst my own worst enemy

I love Persooona!

The world might end,
The night might fall.
Rain on down and cover us all,
And drown us with the burdens of our sins.
Maybe I'll look you in the eye,
Tell you, you don't wanna die.
Maybe I'll hold my breath and jump right in.
Maybe I'll hold my breath and jump right in.

I never saw you coming from inside my little prison,
Your autograph would really buy me time.
If you think you are the reason,
Give me something to believe in.
It's always darkest right before the dawn.
It's always darkest right before the dawn.

I confess I've lost control,
I let my guard down,
I let the truth out.
Oh I confess I've lost control,
I let my guard down,
I let the truth out.

The final celebration,
A bad hallucination.
Flip a coin and see which way I fall,
The shark tail is singing.
We love to watch him killing,
And suffer through a never ending day.
Suffer through a never ending day.

I can feel I've lost control,
I let my guard down,
I let the truth out.
Oh I can feel I've lost control,
You let your guard down,
You let the truth out.

I was trapped like a prisoner in my skin.
I was punished like an enemy for my sins.
I was blind,
I was caged,
And I was tricked,
And I was suffocating.
I was suffocating.

I can feel I've lost control,
Oh I can feel we've lost control.
I was suffocating.
I confess I've lost control,
And I was suffocating.
If I was suffocating,
I can feel we've lost control.
Feel my hunger.
Feel my hunger.

Oooh... oooh... oooh... oooh...

I was suffocating

Oooh... oooh... oooh... oooh...
Garbage

with  xK2x
:3

Happy Otty is happy!