Life is still hard but.. I am very lucky in a lot of ways.

I got my boyfriend back. I GOT HIM Bla bla bla..
I'm editing this because we got engaged for 4 days and he broke up with me via text. We're done forever.

My condition has only gotten worse. I can no longer hope to do art again and am officially disabled.

Worst part is, I lost my boyfriend.

So I don't know if anyone follows me closely, or reads journals but I have been a bit absent. I have not uploaded more art in a good while despite just starting to get the ball rolling so to speak. The truth is, I want to. I really really want to.

A while back, I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. A disease that has no cure. My immune system attacks my own nerves essentially. Surprisingly, it hasn't been a huge issue for a long time. Until now. I woke up one morning and felt a numbness in my right hand. I also realized my balance was very off. Because my right hand is affected I can hardly draw. It has been this way since October 1st, but it is very slowly getting better. That is about it. Hopefully I will regain full functionality of everything and I will return again someday.

I did manage to schedule myself in at MFF,which will be a true test to see what I am capable of physically. I wasn't going to pass up the opportunity since I have wanted to go to a con again and was stopped short by the pandemic.

My YCHs are closed for now. I will return one day soon hopefully.

I'm kinda shitty at writing but I felt like I wanted to share this.

I did it. I went to my first furry con. It was called Furlandia. I decided to try it out and see how I liked it. I was actually pretty terrified at first, especially after seeing the video called "The failure of rainfurrest" by Internet Historian. It even said "payment to rainfurrest successful" when I completed registration. But I still went thinking "That was probably just a one time thing, so whatever". Nothing happened at all that was.... undesirable so that's great. Something that was surprising was the age range of the attendees. From about 5 years old to probably about 70. This was also the first time I had ever seen fursuits in real life. They had some games and other events (the best thing being the "Dealers den") and unfortunately, I knew no one that lived near me out of my friends that would have wanted to go, since the majority of my friends aren't even furries. Most of them don't even know that I'M a furry. I kind of keep it under wraps :). Anyways, I ended up staying only briefly the first day I was there because I honestly got a little bored and maybe even somewhat uncomfortable because of knowing how weird being a furry is. I admit it's bizarre, but it's fun so I guess that's what counts. I actually had brought some stuff to wear (rabbit ears and a tail), and it took a good 20 minutes for me to even wear them because it felt so weird to wear them in public. My subconscious was like "no, you can't do that" but after seeing all of the other people with fursuits and ears and tails, I finally put them on and felt okay with it and left it that way. The tail I have is actually really really cute and so I was kind of happy being able to finally wear it somewhere. Anyways, back to the games they had. The games were pretty basic, like musical chairs and limbo as well as a dance competition. I'm not super big on that, and it was meant to be done in fursuits apparently anyways, which I don't have. The next day, despite leaving rather early the first day, I returned. I bought some things at the Dealers den, which is probably what I enjoyed most, then watched a random dance off break out because someone was playing music from a bluetooth speaker. This day I stayed until it was over and overall had a much better time than the day before. I also took the time to draw on my phone since it was like THE place to do it at. Almost done with a picture that I'm going to use as my profile picture. (I am still getting better at art by the way, which is great, so be prepared for my best stuff yet) I was aware of the fact that this day was the last day of furlandia until next year, and as the end was nearing I was feeling kind of sad that it was almost over. But of course, it can't last forever.

So overall, it was alright. Got bored at times, and a bit uncomfor- JUST KIDDING I WANT TO GO BACK I WANT TO GO BACK WHY DID IT END WHHHHHHHHHYY??!?!? I seriously was feeling down a lot recently because of work (which has gotten better recently but still...) and ever since Furlandia I have seriously felt better and happier and more energetic than I have in a good while. It seriously feels like had a very positive psychological effect on me. Like... I needed this. The feeling of going somewhere where you can pretty much wear whatever you want is actually really fun, I really gotta post some pictures later. I don't have very many, though. Also, I never wanted a fursuit.




Until now of course :3 :3 :3 Might even work some mad overtime to get a really good one. I would probably only be willing to wear one if it looked nice. But yeah, I want one now for sure.

So, if you haven't gone to one of these, and are thinking about it, D O I T.

I am REALLY getting better since I started practicing more. Like wow. The results took less time than I thought. I feel like a big part that really helps to get better is studying why OTHER peoples art is better than your own. You have to look at what is different from your art compared to theirs. I did that about as much as actually drawing. I am going to post some sketches of the progress I have made.

I am not going to submit anything for awhile. I am trying to get better at art first. Lol.