I wish things had turned out different.
But, after the sudden suspension of my YouTube channel of 15 years.
Days before Christmas. After many appeals and an internal investigation. Someone at YouTube/Google has decided that what I create is sexual and is in violation of their rules.
They have stated that the channel has been permanently terminated, their decision is final and it can not be overturned. I understand that others whom make the same content were lucky in getting their channels back after the same reason for suspension.
However, I was not.

I have lost 15 years of memories.
I do not have back up, especially of the older videos.
These videos featured friends and loved ones who are no longer with us.
These videos showed the joy of performing these skits live at conventions all over the world.
These videos showcased my own creative expression, my skills. Both with ideas, editing and building the costumes themselves.
These videos were documented and accessible memories that are now gone forever.

I've met so many of you who said that they found this fandom through my videos.
Regardless of one's opinion of inflation as a fetish.
My videos in particular. Where not created for sexual purpose. I've seen inflation porn, this is not inflation porn.
They were live action cartoon antics. There to create laughter and entertainment. They were harmless. No different to what you see in cartoons and movies.
I'm not sure if the single person or small group of people who had the final say on my channel simply hates furries, gay people, Australians, Immigrants or what. But, I feel personally attacked and feel this decision was made in bias.
I don't know what I did wrong.

This has truly sent me into quite the depressive spiral.
It has greatly affected my mental health.
I've had a lot on my plate and like many of us the last two years have been taxing on us all.
I do not know what this means for the future. I have lost all interest in creating content. YouTube deleting my channel feels like I've lost a part of my soul and identity.
I do have wonderful support around me. I know I can get past the low point mentally eventually. But, this truly has affected me so deeply that I really don't see myself going any further when it comes to content creation. Both with Oz and as Duke.

I do thank you all for all the wonderful memories. It was a true joy to create those videos over the years.
If anyone has copies of my videos (mainly the older ones). Please feel free to send me a DM. It would mean a lot to me to get them back.
I kindly ask that no one reuploads my content to YouTube. I do not want it there and will report any that are. No one has my permission to upload my content.
I have no interest at this stage uploading or using other video platform. I shouldn't have to.

In the end, I tried. An employee at Google/YouTube said no.
So, that's the end of that.

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/9356508/

As stated, this is to move forward in the right direction. It has been quite the challenge to get to this point and I'm looking forward to for filling outstanding orders and creating fun things for our community.

Here is to 2020 and getting a groove back.

A bridge can still be built, while the bitter waters are flowing beneath.

It's time to admit something.

Things are not going well for me, business, emotionally and in life.
I'll simply open up and put forward where I am in life and how I plan on moving forward.

The first major issue and cause for all my current stress, worry and issues.
Debt!
I have an incredible amount that has only happened in the last 2 years. Simply put, things that played out in my life couldn't have been more badly timed.
I've run and built up a business, Squeak Latex. It was operating smooth and successfully up until issues started to pop up early 2016.
I'll be upfront about the amount, hovering around the 60,000 mark. A position I wasn't in only a few years ago. I had no debt at all.

When we decided that I would move to the USA to marry my partner. We knew it would be a huge life change for me as well as a costly venture.
I did so at the end of 2015, packing up belongings and putting them on a ship, air fairs, immigration paper work fees and so on. All up costing easily in the 5 figures.
The other issue is having left my normal income and career back in Australia. I knew I wouldn't be able to seek employment for many months due to visa restrictions. In fact it was nearly a year before obtained the right to work in the USA.
The plan was during this time, my income from Squeak could keep me afloat and keep everything rolling.
However, in a journal explained here http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8320146/ (not going to go into details again). Simply put, my long running suppliers up and left along with a substantial amount of my money. I had around 30 orders in line to be produced, already paid for by me. I tried everything to get the funds back but they where gone.
So now, I had 0 income and I was living off credit, from an account back in Australia.

This business was everything to me, a passion and something I had wanted to do for an incredibly long time.
It is now clear that I wouldn't be able to recover. I showed some promise with a new builder, however they are slow and unreliable. Making promises that I forward onto my clients which are then broken by my supplier.
I've managed to refund almost all of those effected, with only a handful left.
Obviously, all this caused those effected and their friends to be upset at me. This is expected and does effect me on quite the emotional level.

You see, I can officially say now that Squeak Latex is no longer operating now and into the foreseeable future.
I've gotten financial advice and as the company is Australian based and given my incredible debt there. I can declare bankruptcy, send my apology to those effected and just walk away....
It's just business after all, sometimes they fail.

But, who could do that?
Words can't describe the sleepless nights this has caused me. The amount of times I've had that knot in the pit of my stomach and sat awake crying at the sheer worry of how to recover. Letting down people is the worst feeling for me. Looking at every available option, selling personal belongings just to refund that extra person.
Possessions I never wanted to part with and know i'll never get them back.
The depression I had sunk into caused over 20lbs of weight gain, change in personality and even thoughts of suicide on multiple occasions.
It's also been hard on my marriage.

It's been hard to even come online. The tirade of abuse from the couple of people effected and their gang of support. Hurling abuse, twisting truth and spreading lies all to make themselves feel better about the situation all whilst making it worse for me.
I've spoken with one individual who has made it very clear they do it just because their angry and they enjoy it.
Granted, 99% of those effected have been understanding. I've been upfront and honest about my issue.
I've learned that I will never be able to win this people in the community over. They will forever hold a personal grudge or find a reason to dislike me.
Even if it was for something outside of Squeak Latex.
I understand I have a strong personality and drive to succeed in any task I set out to do or achieve. It would constantly bother me, I would try to understand why. Having tried to talk and discuss the issues they may have. I've spent to much energy and worry on people whom
are not worth doing so on.
I've apologized and I've tried. That's all I can do.
Some of these people have a right to be upset with me. They can go on with life continuing to be upset with me. I haven't ignored them, I've tried to solve the issues they have with me.
I've come to realize that some of these people are actually bad people, with vile personalities whom have their own social and personality flaws that prevents them from being anything more than what they are in life.
It's taken some time to understand it and I know it is something that will always hang around well into my future. I can't stop it, I can't fight it.
I can only learn from the person I once was. Even now, mistakes I made 5 years ago, 10 years ago are still bought up as if they are still a current issue and reflection of who I am.
I'm not a perfect person, I admit my flaws and I have done plenty of mistakes. To pretend I haven't made errors would be lying to myself.

I'm sorry for some actions in my past and believe me, I never planned to have my business fail. Whilst you didn't get your inflatable fetish latex suit or fursuit and you're upset about that.
This has nearly destroyed my entire life to the point of wanting to cut it short. So, perhaps some perspective should come into play here.
But, I haven't run. I haven't just said oh well, that's business. I am TRYING and slowly refunding those whom I have failed. I am doing the right thing in the worst possible situation.
I now realize that I have many friends and family who love and support me and I shouldn't let a few people try to destroy me. In fact, those who follow me in the community who enjoy what i do.
These bad eggs make up less than a percent! It's time to rise above and focus my energy where it deserves to be.
I'm not a bad guy, i'm fixing the problem. If i could wave a magic wand to make it all better I would.
I take no pride or joy in what has happened. Yet, those couple effected try to make it harder for me to recover. Which i'm doing to benefit them, to refund and correct the issue.

In recent months I've pushed myself up and out of the funk. Lost the weight and just keep working at chipping away at what I owe.
But, it hasn't been easy.

Whilst I did pick up a seasonal job, this has now come to an end and i'm not once again in a position where I have to wonder how to get ahead as well as simply stay afloat.
Giving up a career, loosing a business I spent nearly a decade building. Only to have it come crashing down at the worst possible time. I am trying to find something to fall back onto.

Oh, but you can't be doing that bad. I've seen you going to conventions and back to Australia!
Yes, you are correct. However, none of those conventions where out of pocket. 2 of them I had the pleasure of being guest of honor and another one was comped.
The Australian trip wasn't a holiday. I was offered 12 days of work that I quickly took and flights where covered. All of which is going to debts and money owed.
This is where all my income goes is to making things right to once again get my life back on track.

Also, there is something about putting on a face publicly and pretending everything is ok. I'm sure we all do it and I certainly didn't want to air who has been going on behind the curtain as it where.
Not wanting people to think badly of me or any more than the happy bouncing animal person behind the icon.


I just want to put this all behind me as quickly as possible. I work everyday on trying to get ahead. If I give up, i'll never be able to get back on with life.

So what do I do? Start a go fund me? Ask for help from the community?
No, this shouldn't require charity or a hand out. I'm not dying, I don't have cancer or some extreme medical emergency. As of right now, I have enough to eat, pay bills and pay off debt.
There is no magic solution to this other than persistent hard work.
An issue happened, i'm in a bad situation. There is no quick fix.

I'm sure you've noticed the lack of presence or contribution. I don't draw any more, I hardly am online, tweet or active in the communities.
Whilst I did try to build up some sort of support and exchange of content with my Patreon account and Duke. It simply isn't enough to really offer a solution nor give up my time else where to put into making videos, music, content etc.
I can't spare the time for that unless it financially out ways my other options. Expecting subscribers and followers to hand over a couple of dollars whilst nice in theory is unrealistic and certainly not the direction to take.
It will always remain a hobby and something I will find more time for once things are a little better. I tried to make it something more as I've seen other artists do, to try and help my situation. But, it wasn't meant to be.

I've had several friends pass way these past few years during all of this. I recently lost my aunt only a few weeks ago whom I was very close too.
This has all been very hard to take. But I push on.
Even now, tonight I had one of these 1% trying to publicly shame me in some way. I've offered discussion to these people and they refuse. There is no solution for them.
Only gratification from making a public spectacle.
What is frustrating is the lies that come from people. I've had discussions with folks where an issue had arisen. An end and solution to the issue is met with a happy or mutual result. They are then polite and nice to me to my face.
Yet, I now find them perpetuating lies or slander because they're still not over it, even years down the track.
Then i'm sorry. What more do you want from me? You can continue to hate me and I don't have the energy to defend myself against this petty behavior because you have "issues".

One of these people effected by all of this is trying to find everything he can to bring me down. Even topics and issues over a decade old, getting his buddies to spread and post them publicly.
It hurts, but many many people who have known this man tell me is unhinged, bi polar and nasty. That, this is the reason why you don't see him with anyone special in his life and alone at cons even after so many years. I did once call him a friend and I could have never seen this coming, i'm sad to see him act like this.
He is only hurting me and slowing me down. Which in the end perpetuates the problem of not being able to refund him. He is a lost cause that I know i'll never be able to stop him doing what he does to me. I can only try to ignore and move on from it.
I won't stoop to his level and call him by name so my tens of thousands of followers can attack him or hinder his life. I'm not that sort of person, I wouldn't wish what he's doing to me on anyone. Not even him.
He knows who he is, he has to live with himself. In fact, they all do.


My parents are visiting from Australia right now. I spent the frequent flyer points I had built up flying for the past decade and gifted them tickets to travel outside of Australia for their first time. Past retirement age and have given so much for me, including life itself.
This is something they are only going to do once. They saved for a year to enjoy themselves here for 10 weeks.
This is incredibly important to them and me as this is a trip of a life time. Something it is doubtful they'll be able to repeat given their age. With mortality an issue in my brain in recent years, I want to be able to make as many memories with my parents whilst I can.
Especially now living on the other side of the world from them.

It is a lot to ask, to be in your 30's and be told you have to start again, with a handicap.
But, I know I can only try.

To those who feel I have failed. I'm sorry. It isn't something I set out to do nor take any pleasure in failing you.
I feel a constant guilt and can only work on recovering.


Life is full of ups and downs. I can only try to get to the up once more.


Right now, with more gutless attacks, childish email bombs and the threat of spiraling into that suicidal depression once more.
I just can't spend the energy and be caught up in the poison. So i'm going away for a while.

My priorities are to recover from the loss, once again be in a better and happier position in my life.
I have no interest in the furry or latex community, its people or as a hobby. There is no benefit to spending anymore time on it and it currently brings no joy or happiness because of a few bad eggs.
Perhaps in time this will change. I certainly hope it does.

I am truly sorry for what has happened and my actions in dealing with the problem.
It's more than I could and can handle.
Those of you waiting for a refund or have any issues you'd like to discuss, you can contact me via email.

Thank you to everyone for your love and support over the many years.
Right now, I need to focus on reality. The community is no longer an escape for me. It is the cause of every problem in my life right now.

Firstly let me start by saying thank you to everyone for the support over the years. Squeak Latex was created to supply the world with creations I could only dream about when I was first entering the community.
I set out to make peoples fantasies come true. To fill that gap in the market where latex animals and inflatable suits where only available at a premium price or just didn't exist.
This is not only my business, but my interest too!

So here is where I stand, being honest and upfront with a community and interest I care so much for.

Like any small business there are bumps in the road and we've had our fair share. I knew that creating the business and designs would in turn have cheaper overseas builders copying our work. This is brought on by members of the
community trying to save money. I don't support it, but I understand why it happens. Because we kept our costs down, taking less profit to compete with copycats, it didn't effect us to greatly.
We grew and expanded (just like our suits) and continued to produce new designs to the community. However, the community and certain members of it can be fickle people. Be it jealousy, not liking me as a person or simply some bad apples. These people
set out to try and sour what I had set out to do. Encouraging others to have our designs copied. Designs we spent months perfecting. Designs that would exist with out our hard work in the first place.
Or simply bad mouthing myself and the brand. Even though they've never purchased or dealt with me.
The vile behavior from these people (that continues to happen) did question why I was putting the effort into the business in the first place. I did retaliate at times and tried to defend my name, but soon realized this made the situation worse.
It had caused quite a lot of depression in me personally to be under attack like this, especially from people I set out on building designs like this for in the first place.
A handful of people didn't effect the business at all, we continued to make suits, but it effected me on a personal level.

I pushed through the bad and continued to supply people with interests like mine with incredible creations. We all must try to move on.

Another year passed and things where going great. I moved countries from Australia to the USA, got married and juggled that big life change plus the business.
Since things where stable I was looking at other ventures (knowing perhaps someone could handle the company better). Some of you might of seen I set out to sell the company, its designs and brand. I had some major interest and were in negotiation talks with interested parties.
Lucky for them, but unlucky for me. Disaster struck!
My suppliers I had been working with over many many years suddenly went quite on me. We had around 30 orders paid for in the que (standard for us). I had already long paid them for this batch of orders months prior as it takes time.
I stopped discussions with parties regarding selling the business until this issue was sorted. We also had to stop taking on new orders.

As a couple of months went on and still nothing. I tried to have the five figured amount paid to my suppliers refunded back to me (via PayPal) Unfortunately it was beyond the time limit window and there was nothing more PayPal could do.
I looked into other legal action but it being an overseas supplier. There wasn't much I could do.
I contacted those whom had outstanding orders with us regarding the situation. Some where after refunds, some where happy to wait it out.
I've been selling personal belongings and any and all spare funds I get have been sunk into correcting this problem.

I managed to get in contact with one of my team direct and found out that my supplier had split.
The main operator of the company left, leaving the small team without jobs and emptying the bank account. Whilst my contact assured me that investigation and such was happening on their end, my main focus was recovering from the situation and seeing if we
can start getting production rolling again.
We did indeed get back in touch with my main builder for my designs and he was happy to start working on my outstanding orders. Success!
Though, it being only one builder we simply can't meet the demand anymore.

This has proved far slower than expected and 10+ months on from the issue, we've only produced a small number of suits and have still not been able to take on new orders.

So, What does this mean for the future of Squeak Latex?

At this stage, I am putting the company into break mode. The company isn't closing its doors! However, until I can build up a bigger team to meet demand. We will be entering a different business structure.
We will no longer be accepting custom orders or orders in general. Once the few last outstanding orders are produced or refunded we will be simply building various suits and putting them up for sale or auction.
So the odd blueberry, otter or general puffy Squeak Latex item will come up for sale every month or so. The community will still have its chance to wear one of our designs!

I just have to go this direction because the stress and uncertainty of not being able to meet demands or deadlines of customers. This way, we can set our own deadlines.



Do I regret starting Squeak Latex?
Not at all!
Knowing what I've given people and to the community makes it all worth while. Not only in the latex/inflation/furry community, but also in the entertainment industry. I've created suits for television programs all over the world, music videos, commercials and advertising.
With some very big named brands and companies involved! It is incredibly humbling.
However, this business and job has cost me friends, reputation and created enemies in the community that I don't think i'll ever be able to recover from.
The stress and depression has been to much at times and I know things will never be the same for me as they once where prior to Squeak.

Finally, i'd like to say those who supported us and all the kind words over the years. Thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart. You're the reason I kept going all these years.
To those I've disappointed or those few currently waiting for their items. I'm sorry, know that I didn't intend for any of this to happen and the guilt in my stomach keeps me awake at night. I truly am doing all I can to right the wrong. It was beyond my control but, it is being fixed.
Everyone who has ever ordered from us has received what they paid for. No one has ever been scammed or taken advantage of.
There are times where I was not a good business operator and let depression and stress get the best of me by walking away and ignoring emails or simply handling situations incorrectly, I accept this was not the right thing to do.

Those reading this, don't listen to rumors or word of mouth. This is how it is.
There were times I didn't operate as smoothly as I would of liked and what you see above is the reason why you haven't seen a huge turn out from us like in years prior.

I love this interest, it's weird and I adore it. I'm proud of who I am.
I'm proud to have supplied and created items for those who share it.

I look forward to continuing to do so in the future. But for now, it is time to take a step back and focus on what is important.


Thank you all again so much!

It comes with a heavy heart to say that a dear friend of mine and contributor to our community has passed away.

Ted, although many of us know him as Alex Raccoon passed away a couple of weeks ago due to complications of a heart attack. It came unexpected to family and friends as he was a healthy individual.
His funeral was held yesterday and will be greatly missed by all who knew him.

Alex (also known as Martin Hare years ago) was and has always been an incredible inspiration to me. Early on when I first found this community and my interests in everything round and inflated. Alex was one of the
first individuals I spoke to, became friends with and shared many a conversation with.
He inspired me and encouraged me to draw, be myself and enjoy my interests. In fact, even today. Oz's current body shape is made in his style and images I grew to love so much.
He gave me the confidence early on to be accepting of my interests. That I wasn't the only one who found round appealing.

Alex never got to into community politics or banter. He simply liked to draw and share his creations and interests with the world. Never asking or expecting anything.
He drew my character Oz so many times, with out me ever asking. Without expecting anything more than a thank you.
I'm grateful for all he's done for me.

He was a creative soul and always expressed himself through his artwork. Including many non furry and abstract works.

I will always cherish and remember him and our memories we shared.
He was an incredible friend who left this world to early.


Goodbye Alex
Thank you for all you've done.

You can give his works and galleries here on FA
http://www.furaffinity.net/user/alexraccoon/
http://www.furaffinity.net/user/alexanderraccoon/

As you know, I've built up and run a company called Squeak Latex. I created this business because it's something I wish existed back when I first joined the community.
I wanted to share my ideas and bring them to life so that everyone could enjoy this weird and wacky kink of ours. I spent many months finding a supplier, even changing early on when things weren't working out with our first one.
I spent hours upon hours on patterns and design. Spent money in the tens of thousands getting new designs off the ground.
I've dedicated years of my life to this business not only as my dream and my passion but as my livelihood.

Unfortunately, there are a group of individuals that are offended by me and my business practice. Some have actively encouraged what I deem to be very hurtful acts.
Believe it or not, I do actually sympathize and understand why they feel the way they do. I have privately lashed out to these people when I felt they were in the wrong and I was being attacked. For that I am truly sorry, I didn't mean to offend or hurt anyone.
It's hard to just lay there and take punches. If I try to stand up and explain or defend myself, it makes them and the situation with me worse.
I don't want these people to dislike me. Nor do I want them to feel like i'm swindling or taking advantage of their friends or the community. I hope that they see reason and understand the core purpose of business.

From what I can understand. They believe that having a product made in china and then selling it at a profit is bad. It makes me a bad guy.
But, that's like hating Apple, Car manufactures or in fact nearly 90% of the worlds companies for creating an item offshore and selling it at a profit.
Once again, I do see why they think it's taking advantage of the community. They think i'm ripping people off by making a profit on my products. But let me explain.
Those products, those designs wouldn't exist with out me, my time, my money or my efforts in the first place.

When I first started the business, at the time the only place that even came close to creating similar animal designs were charging upwards of $4000+
Most of the time they wouldn't even look at you or deal with you unless you where from the UK.
A particular Chinese company had made some poor copies of their products. But, it had me think what if with a designer behind the right supplier could make new items at a lower cost.
Not just for the exclusive and wealthy. So those all around the world can have fun squeaky critters hanging in their wardrobes.
I did look into having them created locally, but i'd have to charge upwards in the $4000 range like the other business. So, I spent time and money with suppliers till I found the one
that worked with me. (It was a rocky and stressful road to get that part going)
I did this so the cost of the product could be kept low. I charge under the $1000 range on most of my products. I'm not making a huge profit because I wanted to keep the costs low and reasonable so people in the community can enjoy the product. Considering the only other maker was charging over $4000. I could of charged $2000 or $3000 and made a killing as it is/was still cheaper than the other builder.
But, that's not what my intentions where with the business.
Most people know who my supplier is. Even people who purchase from me know who they are but, understand and want to support my efforts.

You see, some people justify that going direct to the supplier and cutting out the middle man (me). Getting the item for a cheaper cost and enjoying it just the same.
What I don't think they understand is. That inflatable animal, that hood, that cut and shape. Wouldn't exist without the time, money and effort I put into designing that character and pattern. It my mind, it is essentially stealing.
That iPhone you buy, sure probably costs $30 or less to make. But, the amount of money, time and in that case people it took to design the phone. What you're paying for is effort and time.
I'm not a huge company, i'm not some movie studio who doesn't get effected when you download a movie.
I'm one guy trying to make a living. A small business supplying content to a niche market.
Now, my supplier is great (Though a little slower than I would like). They understand and don't advertise my products on their own company website and we have an agreement and contract regarding my products.
Unfortunately, sometimes one or two cuts, patterns or products will slip through the cracks. It upsets me and we talk it out. Normally they compensate me for use of the pattern and products.
I actually have no problem with people going to my supplier with their own designs. I have friends that have had new things made by them. But, if one of my patterns or designs get produced that is when there is a problem. Sometimes at no fault to the customer buying from them. They asked for something and they got given a Squeak Latex design.
I just bring it up and then get compensated for the breach of contract with the designs. So in the end, that person owns a Squeak Latex product anyway, no harm done.

It's taken years of my life to get to this stage. I was proud of what I had achieved. Now, I just want to sell the business and move on.
It's not worth the hurt caused by some of these people. I know it's only a handful and it shouldn't effect me. It honestly doesn't even effect sales in the slightest.
But, it does hurt. It effects my happiness, my marriage, my productivity and my life.

I don't understand why i'm hated for trying to give something to the community. Am I hated because I lash out when i'm wronged or upset because of the actions of others?
I am only human and I am sorry for loosing my cool at times. Especially in bouts of depression brought on by the actions of others.
Whilst this is my dream and do this to give something back. I'm not a charity, I don't want to feel guilty for making money for time and effort. It is a business and my income.
Do people hate furry artists for charging for commissions? fursuit builders for making a profit on suits? Is the fact that I outsource the production of my patterns and designs that offends them?
Do they think i'm lazy for doing so? I wish they'd understand I do this for cost reasons, so I can keep the final cost of the product low and reasonable.
You can get a custom suit from me for less than that of a fursuit. Why is this a bad thing?

You think members of this community and kink would be happy that there is puffy animals bouncing around. I made that happen!
People think i'm mean or nasty. I'm not mean or nasty to every customer. Understand that if i'm loosing my cool at you, it's not random. You're offending me in a way that causes me to be upset.
I always try to be reasonable and understanding towards my customers, even when they have a problem. I've lost out big time by replacing suits for free or refunding without ever taking the item back.
(only to see it still in use, even though it was "damaged or unusable"). What business do you know would ever give a refund without taking the item back?
That just comes with business, if those people want to be like that. I can't stop them.
They hate me so much, yet are happy to have "fun times" in my suits. I'll help them, loose out. They still get their product to have fun in. Then will still turn around and talk trash about me and the company.

For whatever reason, these people try to push their friends to my supplier direct or simply talk ill of me and Squeak.
They think they're doing a service by cutting out me, the greedy fat cat just trying to make money off people.
But, that is not what is happening here.
I've tried to explain this to them, tried to have them at least consider and to understand my side. How business works.
They won't listen. I can't make them listen.

I could rant, rave and name names. To have those who do support me lash out at them. Create drama.
But, I don't want that. I don't even hate these people, I wish no ill of them.
They're just misunderstanding the bigger picture. Once again I do understand it from their point of view. I just wish they could try to understand it from mine.

In the end, I shouldn't feel like a bad guy or be persecuted when I make profit from my years of effort, my work and my designs.
I just want to move on from this whole thing. It upsets me to much and effects me more than most realize.
I'm contemplating what to do with the company. Especially if there is no buyer for it. Do I put it on hold? Do I close it?

I just want to create things that I wish where around when I first joined the community. I love seeing content out there and there was a time when I was proud to supply it.
Now, I just feel guilty and hated because of it. Even though it's only a small number who cause this. It's enough to effect me in a huge way.

Thank you to those who have read this. I appreciate taking the time out to understand why I get upset with some people who try to undermine my efforts. It's hurtful and offensive to me.

Lets try to move on from it.

Since i'm getting back into suit building. I thought i'd list my current que line.


 wolfangblitz
*Kangaroo Fursuit (Foam padded thighs)
*Inflatable Latex Kangaroo (custom) - Completed

 thoron
*Inflatable Blueberry Fursona Fursuit
Inflatable latex suit with fursuit skin over the top.

 KKitsune
*Biscotti Fat Bunny Fursuit (inflatable belly padding)


So many projects have finally been completed and it's great to get back into the swing of things now i'm settled here in the USA. (Also makes shipping much cheaper and easier).
Feel free to poke me should anyone be interested in a commission, though I won't take to much on and get over whelmed.

Happy to do everything from standard fursuits, to inflatable/fat fursuits, to locking or other "odd" fursuit requests.

Just want to thank everyone who took the time to comment, note and message me regarding my recent journal.
It took quite a number of months to bring myself to write up the post. I still wasn't sure if it was a good idea or not to open up like that.

I have read every single reply and message. I have taken it all on board and it has helped in an incredible way.
More than I can express or that you all realise.
Depression isn't a fun thing and I did feel guilty and foolish for what caused mine. I guess I had put to much pressure on myself and
I really do care what some people think. (I thought I didn't).

The best thing to do now is move forward. I will view the community quite differently now and be wary of certain things and certain people.
I am slowly getting my spark back and do want to work on projects.
The community and personality of people have changed and frankly, so have I. I need to learn to adapt and simply take pleasure in what brings
me enjoyment.
The people that bother me, will never read what I have to say, remain oblivious and honest even if they did. They wouldn't care.
So I need to stop thinking about those individuals and accept that's just how it will always be for me here in the furry fandom.

I'm going to do my thing, create my own content and if you guys enjoy it. Then even better.
I will no longer try to involve myself in the "cool kids" circle or groups where I am spoken about is such a way, nor voice my views or offer input into subject i'm passionate about.
Even if I feel it will greatly improve everyone's experience and or simply is constructive input.

So,
I'm just gonna be a guy who flops about in a costume.
Getting back to my roots and what I enjoy. I shouldn't let others, no matter who they are stop me doing something that is such a huge part of who I am.
I'll be keeping my circle of friends small, I appreciate that there are many of you out there that want to chat and be my buddy. I'm just not up for that right now, I can't give you the level
of friendship that you deserve. It will just add to the pressure and guilt and end up worse off.


Here I am. I Sing, Dance, Perform and make videos. It's what I enjoy and i'm going to keep doing it.
I don't want to give that up, only to regret it many years later.

Really,

Thank you all so much.

Did anyone notice? Seems not.

I stopped being involved in the community for the past month. I stopped posting to twitter, responding to people and honestly ever checking it.
Same with FA and other social websites.
The reason being was for the past few months I've been hit with a crippling depression. No doubt a lot of this has been bought on by the big move
and change of life. But, there has been this underlying issue with the furry fandom for me which has been gradually getting worse over the past few years.

I've been trying to wrap my head around what the problem is. Why instead of feeling joy in the community I feel stress, bitterness and sadness.
I've been apart of the community since the 90's. I've always had a pleasure involving myself in it as well as contributing to it. It's always been a place
I could share my interests and find joy in performing.
However, I simply lack inspiration and feel like everything I have done over the past few years (especially with Duke) has been met with hostility.
I regret contributing and putting in effort, I simply should of just floated around in the background and enjoyed myself.

You see, I feel incredibly unwelcome these days. A lot of hate and school yard tactics is all I seem to get when I try to enjoy myself in furry.
Be it online or at conventions. I'm not talking about hatred coming from trolls, these are people with in the community itself.
I get that not everyone has to get along, or like one another. Personalities will always butt heads sometimes, but I personally will be respectful of those
I may not see eye to eye with. Especially if we have mutual friends or are in the same group.
This is the problem....
The subgroups of my interests are unwelcoming. Be it dancer furs, fat furs, inflation furs, rubber furs, party furs, music furs and so on. It seems that
a couple of influential people with in these subgroups has enough beef with me to push me out of them. Certainly expressing to others with in those groups
that I am not welcome and to avoid me.
I recently had an experience at FWA which was the nail in the coffin for me in terms of questioning why even bother with the fandom anymore.
This person, a well known fursuit performer and dancer fur. Whom I don't know, but admire and respect a great deal. I was excited to talk and meet with this person.
However, they actively shunned me, (in and out of suit). To the point where even when I said hello, they turned their back on me and didn't even respond.
What's worse. They where happy to talk to my husband and friends around me, but did the childish of thing of pretending I didn't even exist.
Perplexed by this, it nearly ruined my con to the point where I pretty much gave up suiting afterwards.
It had me questioning, why. What did I do?
I poked them via a private message after the convention and found out that circles they run in (dancer group) and they were told that I was to be avoided.
Disappointed to hear this and disappointed in that person not being able to make their own judgment about me, especially as we have plenty of mutual friends.
I guess what upset me the most from this is that this is 2016. It was clear back in 2012 into 2013 that I perhaps wasn't welcome or suited for that subgroup.
Due to passionate opinions that I was vocal about publicly, this perhaps ostracized me from that group. I didn't discuss these matters because I wanted to create drama.
Simply because I enjoyed dance and wanted others to enjoy it to. I was bringing to light views of my own and others of "problems" with format, image and so on.
Whilst this may of been taken as bashing something they've worked hard on. It wasn't he case, but trying to help something I enjoy and love just as much as they do.
But, that's old new, I digress.
I stopped doing dance competitions and stopped trying to be involved in that group. I gave up something I really enjoyed, Why? Because I didn't want to make those with in it and who didn't necessarily like my
personality to feel uncomfortable or forced to be around me. Basically I didn't want to ruin their, fun. Something they enjoy. I have enough other interests and
I respected those enough not to make things awkward for anyone.
So, for so many years later for folks with in that group to tell some stranger I don't know to avoid me.

Just hurts.

What else hurts are "friends" in the past month of silence I've had only one or two people notice. In fact, there are people I considered friends to actually show little
interest in me these days. Most people seem to just want to use me for which ever reason. Be is social gain, art, costumes, latex etc. It's made me incredibly wary
of new people and I find that i'm not longer interested in making new friends.
I was invited to a telegram group. XXXL Fursuits (or something like that). I love big fursuit bellies, so it was great to share this interest with others.
However, with in only a few hours. I was being kicked out of the group because one or two individuals expressed that my presence made them uncomfortable.
I guess what hurt is the person who looks after the group was someone I considered a friend. But, rather than talk with them and say. Hey listen, I know you don't like him.
But just put him on mute or ignore him. (grow a pair basically)
No, they kicked up enough of stink to make me feel unwelcome with in my own interest.
What's worse. None of my friends stood up for me. No one said hey, that's not really fair. They sat in silence. It showed true colors and level of friendship I have with these people.

Perhaps I expect friends to do what I would do for them in similar situations. Which might not be fair or realistic.
Now, I can count the number of people I call friends on my hands. There are very few people I trust in this world, it used to be countless.

Maybe it's finally hit where I've become burned to the point of no return.

I get it, i'm not perfect. I've pissed of people, burned bridges and made many mistakes over the past 15 years.
Perhaps, these influential people whom do have beef with me impact the community to the point where I can't enjoy myself. Where I can't recover from any of the mistakes i've made.
My character, presence and personality are so far damaged in the eyes of these people that I will never be welcome again in any of these groups or interests.
Maybe my reputation and stigma is to far ingrained in the minds of others.

I've tried to reach out to some of these people. It's met with silence.
What's worse. In my mind, I can only assume what I've done wrong. It's never been clear or perhaps i'm oblivious as to what I've actually done for these people to feel so much
disdain for me.

Some people i've spoken with say. Ah, don't worry about it. Forget them! Do your own thing. (hater gonna hate!)
Whilst I appreciate the support, it's simply not that easy.
I can't do my own thing. I can't enjoy any of my interests because the groups have made it clear I am not welcome. So, why do I bother?
I should simply enjoy my interests, privately with friends. There is little point in my eyes sharing them with the community anymore.

I've loved making music videos. Something I had always wanted to do. I know I can't sing that great, but I enjoy it. I've been blessed with friendships that have allowed us to create some
fantastic visual content.
I go to great efforts with these videos. To the point where I sacrifice my own enjoyment at an event to benefit the community.
At ESG a few years ago, I had fall out because not everyone could get a spot in the limo. I later found out this caused a lot of stress to a friend of mine (one of the organizers) and
was the reason why they themselves stopped talking with me.
They saw that I was selfish and didn't consider others or thought I was only looking after myself. This isn't the case, whilst when it comes to projects I have tunnel vision and may lack
the ability to see the impact it may have on others. I'm simply focused (and very stressed) at the task at hand. I try to be thankful to everyone involved, do it when it most convenient to others and so on.
So, for this to have impacted friends and those around me in a negative way. It's not what I set out to do.
I try to create things that everyone is welcome to participate in. We've had 100's show up to the videos, we do our best to give everyone air time.
Sure, I could pick a select few friends, film something in private. But, that's not the goal. The goal is to involve everyone! Dance is for everyone, fursuiting is for everyone.
It shows what fun can be had at these events. Advertising basically for those to come along and enjoy the same things they see on the screen.
I've had a ton people tell me they've gone to Anthrocon or MWFF because of my videos. It's very humbling.

This all comes down to a few people creating enough of an impact on my time in the community.
I've always been an outspoken person. If someone is doing me wrong or doing someone else wrong, I will speak up about it. I've had people take latex products I've designed and created with my company.
To be copied by other cheap Chinese companies. When I approach these people (in private I might add) for doing so. I'm the bad guy and then my reputation and names are dragged through the mud.
I'v worked hard on these designs. I created Squeak Latex so everyone with the same interest could have something I could only dream about when I first came into the fandom. Sure it's a business,
but I take a very low end profit to keep prices reasonable so everyone can enjoy. I have hate from the same people that share this interest. Why?! I don't understand.

People in all the subgroups I mentioned really talk trash about me. Never to my face, never wanting to discuss why.
I may of actually upset these people for legitimate reasons, I just don't know. I can't right a wrong if I don't know what it is.

I've been called arrogant and egotistical. I understand this may simply come from being known in the community.
Complete strangers hating me for no reason. I've had people get mad at me because someone they thought was me was mean to them. (I have people impersonate me on steam, facebook and other websites)
I didn't set out to be popular or make it any sort of goal. I just like creating stuff! I have a blast doing videos, fursuiting, performing and so on. Attention is great, don't get me wrong.
But, i'm not the guy jumping to the front of every photo, i'm not the one trying to steal the spotlight all the time. Everyone deserves attention! Know when to take a step back.

Honestly, there is no point having an ego in this fandom as a performer. Lets face it. I'm a 30 year old man who wears an animal costume. Why oh why would I ever have an ego over that?
Just enjoy it for what it is. If people like what I do, wonderful! means i'm doing a good job and it's rewarding.
I have had hundreds of notes and messages. I can't go more than a few steps at a convention with someone saying i'm the reason they joined the fandom, or i'm an inspiration.
I have no idea what to say to folks other than thank you. It's incredibly humbling! I just put on a costume and flop about, if my energy and joy I feel when i'm suiting transfers onto others. That's just incredible.

I've accepted that convention organizers for what ever reasons don't want me. I've offered hosting, shows, and simply wanting to be involved. I don't expect anything, I just like being involved.
I'm confident in what I do. It's what I do for a living I've been in entertainment since I was a child.
So, clearly something is wrong with me (maybe I am just an asshole?). I see other fellow performer friends being praised by conventions, being wanted for this event or that event.
I sing, I dance, I talk/host. I have known characters, i'm a costume builder, i'm an artist, i'm a pro mascot. I've worked for television, stage and have worked for some pretty big names. I have tens of thousands subscribers on youtube
and videos have over 1.6 million views.
Yet nothing, no one wants me?
It shouldn't bother me, it really shouldn't. I feel guilty that it does. Because, like I said. I don't set out to do this for reward or personal gain. Simply for enjoyment of creating something magical.
Just questioning and lamenting reasons why in my head.
I have other well known performer friends. They are loved by all, peers and groups alike. They've been just as outspoken as me at times, creating similar content.
But, maybe I just pissed off the wrong couple of people and it snowballed to friends, and then friends of friends?

All this has killed my confidence. I've always been confident in myself and my ability.
Over the past few years, this has been slowly dying and the need/want to perform, be involved or even get in costume is all but dead these days.

So here I am, 31 years old, 35lbs over weight which has been put on over the last couple of years and depressed.
All over silly animal people.


I'm writing this journal to give an insight to how i'm feeling and reason why i've stopped posting. I'm not looking for hugs or sympathy.
Problem is I don't know what i'm looking for or what I need.
Do I try to not let them see that they get to me?
I'm such a well known character in the community, but yet so rejected and alone with my interests and groups I want to be apart of.
Do I just make my own counter groups? (with blackjack and hookers! ;)) I don't want to create high school tactics or going against the "cool kids".

I dunno. These people probably won't even read this journal, realize they've had the impact they've had or even care.


Bottom line is, i'm not sure what I can do to love my interests again. I don't have the confidence to be me anymore.
Maybe I should have a more private experience and not create for the community anymore or try to be involved. I'm sure I can enjoy suiting, singing, dancing etc behind clothes door and amoung friends.
Maybe I've put to much pressure on myself to do so and that the negative that has happened
because of my content, actions or opinions wouldn't of mattered if I didn't matter.

Hopefully i'll get my spark back. I miss the joy that furry bought me.
It is just a silly hobby after all, it's supposed to be fun!

Whole idea was to put on a costume to leave the pressures of everyday life. Not create more.

(Cross posted to my dancingduke account)

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/19266545/

Up for grabs ^__^

First of all thank you to everyone whom responded, noted or contacted me regarding my last journal.
It's been quite a number of weeks of internal reflection and I guess everyone really does have their limits, I was at mine.

However, it is true what many of you said. I shouldn't let the select few, no matter who they are get in the way of being myself.
Many people make assumptions about me, my business, my character and life. Most of these stem from rumors or simply from those whom have had issues or conflict with me in the past.
I'll treat you with respect if you treat me the same. I'm only human and when people have disrespected or upset me, I'll confront them head on. Not create drama behind their backs nor bitch about them online. I confront the person and the issue and most of the time this ends up with them bad mouthing me or my company.
Some people are just vile and I need to learn to accept that.

It's hard running a business on your own. My Squeak Latex business gets so many emails and orders a day I find it hard to keep up. Also dealing with my workshop in China whom bring my patterns and designs to life are also an added stress.
I've been called a scammer, scum and so on when it comes to my business. But the main reason I create these is to supply people with like minded interests things I wish I had in the early days. I've sunk and incredible amount of money into this and believe me there are far easier ways to make money than to do what I do. Why oh why some people in the community who share the same interest want to bring it down is beyond me.
But hey, fuck em right?
So they try to undermine me, talk shit about my business. If people don't want to buy from me, that's fine and their loss.
I'm not going to destroy something I've worked so very hard on because of a couple of ass holes.

As for performance and dance.
So my peers and certain cliches don't like me or make me feel unwelcome.
Meh.
Perhaps my personality just isn't for them. Perhaps it's because i'm an out spoken individual and call things how I see it. I don't do this to create enemies or drama, far from it. I do this because it's something i'm passionate about, subjects I care enough to share my opinions on. I see those outside the cliches or out side of the "cool kids" group being pushed aside or feeling intimidated to be involved in something they enjoy. It just really rubs me the wrong way.
Life would be easier if I just kept my mouth shut, took the flack/hate that comes my way.
I enjoy being Duke, I enjoy being Oz or any other character I play. I have ideas and things I want to create because I love doing so! I joined this fandom to escape the pressure of the real world, it's what a hobby is all about. It was becoming more stressful to be involved in the community than just day to day life.
I'm not ashamed or embarrassed about who I am, what i'm about and my interests. This is a community where everyone should feel welcome.

So as hard as it is, i'm going to ignore all the shit that has been bringing me down. I know there will be days when it will get to me, i'm not a machine. But, i'll try because I miss enjoying the fandom and I want to enjoy it once more.

Thank you again to everyone, you've helped more than you may realize.

Those who saw my twitter may of seen my "leaving the fandom tweet". Whilst these words get tossed around quite a bit, I myself after being apart of the community for 15 years have never said those words before.
You see, it's not that I want to leave the fandom, more, take a step back from it. The fact is, i'm becoming more and more burned with the community and efforts just don't seem worth the time any more.
Part of my problem and stress in life is putting to much on my plate. The two things that stress me out the most are Duke and my business Squeak Latex. Efforts in both aspects are created to entertain or benefit the community, but are being brought down by individuals ruining it for myself and the rest of you.

We'll start with Squeak Latex. Though not every ones thing, I created a company so those like myself into latex and inflation/inflatable suits would have access to designs at a reasonable price. I've invested years into the company and ended up being tens of thousands out of pocket to invest and get this started up. The problem is I have some people who hate me or the company for what ever reason. These are people whom share the same interest yet dislike what I've created. Some of these people undermine me by going behind my back to other suppliers or even my own to have my designs copied. They then gloat about this fact. I've lost my cool at them for doing this and felt very betrayed by the community. Apparently this makes me the bad guy for getting upset when people buy copies of my stuff.
I'm a small business, I can't survive when individuals do that sort of thing to me. The only reason they do it is to destroy what I do. I don't blame the Chinese companies for copying my stuff, I blame the buyer that asks them to do it.
It keeps happening and i'm about to call it quits if the community I invested so much money in, to create a product for them wants to do this to me. Congratulations guys who hate Squeak, you win.

Regarding Duke. As a long time suit performer both professionally outside the fandom and with in it, I've never hid from the spotlight. I love suit performing and was the reason I found furry in the first place, it was somewhere I could freelance with a hobby that I enjoy so very much. In the last few years, i'm finding myself ostracized from certain groups and feeling like my efforts are simply not worth my time anymore. Perhaps it makes me a bad person, but being rewarded for ones efforts and contribution is always nice. I see it happening to friends around me and to other fellow performers. Yet I feel due to peoples personal opinions of me, this will never come true.
I receive countless comments a day from fans who love what i do. My youtube channel has just shy of 15,000 subscribers and just under 1,000,000 views across only a dozen videos of which i've only been on youtube for 3 years. I'm proud about these facts and I couldn't of done it with out the help of some very wonderful people.
Ever since I entered the fandom back in the 90's I've always dreamed of doing really impressive things such a big group dancers with lots of costumes, music videos and high quality content. With technology being so readily available, I've now, with effort been able to organize and make this happen. Creating a personality like Duke has been a lot of fun and people all around really do enjoy what i'm doing.
Here is the woe is me part, which i'm not sure makes me selfish or a bad person.
You see, my peers and those I look up to don't seem to want me, or like me. I have tens of thousands of fans who love what I do, yet other either well known personalities or convention organizers don't. Dancer fur groups don't want to promote or share the group dances I create for everyone to join into. I create these so everyone can participate, it's for everyone of all levels. Perhaps it's because organizers of that group didn't come up with the idea, or i'm not buddy buddy with them.
Singer furs (bar a couple) never promote or comment on what I do. These are people I thought where friends yet seem to show only support for themselves and what they create. Here I am happy to retweet, listen and comment on peoples creative skills of those I look up to, yet never receive the same in return. Same goes for dancer furs content.
I'm not one of the cool kids, i'm not in the cliques or groups. I support and promote as much furry content and peoples efforts as I can, yet it seems to be cliques or individuals that are only in it for themselves and don't care about people outside their own groups or even themselves.
We then have convention or event organizers. Same thing goes, I believe I call these people my friends, yet they don't seem to want me to contribute. Be it shows, hosting, MCing and so on they all seem so very disinterested in having me. I'm not talking GOH or anything like that either. These are conventions I've already booked and paid for and would cost them nothing. I'm not going to lie, I work in promotions and entertainment for a living and i'm good at what I do. I would draw more people to an event and offer high quality content. I've offered and they're just not going for it. I've never really understood why?
I've promoted these conventions free of charge through my music videos. People new to the fandom have told me they've gone to these particular conventions because of how amazing it all looked in my videos.
But screw it, let us touch on the Guest Of Honor thing. I've never been a guest of honor at a convention. I see furries being rewarded and honored by their efforts and contribution to the fandom. Getting flown all around the country and planet, some nothing more than "looking cute" as a skill. Not taking anything away from these people, they've created a well liked character and personality.
Then there is me...
Singer, Dancer and performer. Costume builder, artist, pro mascot, creator of Australia's largest furry convention. Host/MC and organizer/creator of some of the most popular furry videos online.
I guess i'm just not what anyone is looking for. Or perhaps because these major conventions already get free advertising out of me via tweets and music videos that there isn't any point putting money into something they get for free. I'm a business man, I get it, they've made money from me.
Lastly is the patreon thing. I can't really complain or comment about this, though it is disappointing to see that out of 15,000 subscribers only 20 of you like me enough to swing a couple of dollars my way for the entertainment given.
This was created not to make profit but to be able to do more. I've only made $180 with one video so far and that money was put towards a portable PA speaker to use during the filming of the big group music videos. Which is great! Wonderful! I guess i'm somewhat jealous to see other artists and musicians getting so much backing and support for their content (Sometimes thousands). Considering that I release only 6 - 10 videos a year (if that) it would cost my average Patreon user $6 - $10, the same cost as a McDonalds meal to have me create bigger and better things for them and the community.
The dream was to create a huge pop style concert/show and tour around each convention, but can't with out fan backing/support nor am wanted by convention organizers to host the show. So, i'm giving up...

Anyway, perhaps this is a bit of a selfish rant and perhaps it's wrong to feel under appreciated or under supported by the community. But, this is how I feel and i'm feeling burned out from it.
I'm sure people will say, oh but you should do this for yourself and not for others. That's fine, but I create this level or production and effort for the community, not for myself. If I was suiting for myself, i'd simply go to a convention with no commitments and just walk around in suit, blend in. Not spend days/weeks planning music videos and such.
In fact, I probably wouldn't even attend conventions and would end up spending my own funds on holidays to other locations.

It's why i'm thinking of taking a step back from contributing to the community, both Latex/Inflatable and Fursuit.
I've been doing it for 15 years and although I have many friends and fond memories. There is just to much stress and drama these days, as well as an unwelcome feeling from other groups.
I'm not saying I won't still talk with those friendships I've made in the fandom and honestly i'm not leaving the fandom. Simply changing how I act in it and where time, effort and money goes.

There will still be a couple more music videos which have already been filmed to be released. I'm just no longer promising i'll be doing any more in the future.

This was a very hard subject to come out about and I hope I don't come off egotistical or selfish, it's just how i'm feeling about my position in the community these days.
Thank you for listening.

It's been forever since I've done one of these, so here goes.

Conventions Name:
Midwest Fur Fest

Website:
https://www.furfest.org/

Transportation type:
Driving in my recently purchased Scion XB! (So square!)

Where are you travelling from:
Well from Australia, but I made that trip over a week ago, so i'll be driving from Geneva IL, not to far from the hotel.

Hotel you're staying at:
Main hotel in a suite!!Eeee so excited about this

Dates:
Thursday to Monday

Rooming with:
my partner  mozee &  dukefawks and some smelly Coyote called  peppercoyote is bumming around for a couple of nights too ;)

Gender:
Male

Orientation:
Inflatable

Relationship Status:
Taken by my fiancée Mozee ^__^ *kisses*

What do you look like
You guys know what I look like by now, I post my roundness everywhere. As for human me? Doesn't matter, you'll never see it. I'm only ever in suit when I leave my hotel room, because i'm weird like that.

Fursuit(s):
Duke, Oz Kangaroo (both fat and inflated round versions) & Fat Stanton. Possibly will go waddling around in my inflatable latex kangaroo too!

Who you will be with a majority of the time:
Mozee of course! And any other friend that will put up with me.

Main purpose for attending:
Spend some convention furry fun time with Mozee. Also excited to be shooting another music video with  revit

When you usually eat:
When i'm hungry or get time too. Normally this involves me eating once a day (dinner) with light snacks to keep me going through the day. Bad I know, but time is precious at a fur con!

Where do you eat?
Various places, be it hotel restaurant, McDonald's done the street or across the road at the Taco place.

Parties:
I actually am not much of a party type. Though may host some private socializing in our room with friends and such.

Fursuiting:
Duh...

Daily activities:
Socializing really, I don't attend panels these days and only thing I have booked in time wise is stuff for the music video. I like to play cons by now, so not much planned.

Nightly Activities:
Eating, Suiting and will head to a dance or two.

Drinking/Drunk:
Nope, never. I actually don't drink, smoke or partake in drugs. It's pretty much soda, water and fursuiting for me.

Art:
I'll be trying to get my book filled as much as I can this time around.
I don't draw sorry.

What time I usually go to bed and get up:
between 1am and 3am normally up by around 10am. Earlier on Sunday due to the preparation for the music video at 11am

Do you talk out of suit:
No, I am mute, being in suit is the only way I am able to communicate.
Seriously though, I never shut up both in and out of suit.

Do you talk in suit:
Yep, like a lot.

Rules of engagement out of suit:
I'm polite and happy to talk. But unless I know you well, please. No hugs, scritches or things you wouldn't do to those outside of the fandom. We're not at that level yet, happy to shake a hand of course and say hello. ^__^

Rules of engagements in suit:
Suit is a different story. Feel free to come up for photos and hugs and a belly rub (especially in my fat characters). But same thing, unless I know you don't go beyond that please. I may pose suggestive, but that's not an open invite to strangers.

How far is too far:
Gropes, grinds or suggestive talk is just pushing the limits. Once again especially if I don't know you.
Having said that, I've never EVER had this issue with anyone. People generally just want to say hello and have photos.
Just ask if you're unsure about anything, I'm very easy going and adore you guys! Don't be shy.

Can I dance with you:
Sure, but chances are i'll be dancing with my Otter, please don't jump between us if you see us dancing together.
And same goes if you see me dancing with a friend, don't push in.

Can I take pictures with you:
Of course! But, if i'm in a rush to head somewhere, please don't be offended if I have to keep moving. I'm around a lot, you'll see me a bunch through out the weekend.

Can I buy you things:
Er, like a sugar daddy?

Best communication medium to reach you:
Saying hello is a great start if you see me.
Friends already have my cell number and such.

Any other questions? Feel free to ask below.


See you soon!

Don't forget, if your a fursuiter and want to join in on the music video. Check out the moves here.
http://youtu.be/FiSTNQQBF6s

Hey everyone,

As some of you might of seen on twitter, I was quite upset about missing out on a room at the Courtyard or Westin at AC this year.
Because I couldn't afford to buy my way in I didn't secure a room.

Anyway, long story short and it can't hurt to ask. If anyone has a spare room at either hotel please let me know.
That's a spare empty room, not space or a spot.
You never know, someone may of grabbed two or is no longer going.

If we manage to get a room, it means myself ( dancingduke) and  mozee will actually be able to attend this year. If not, I will give it a skip.
I'm sorry if that sounds Diva of me not wanting to share with others, but to many issues in the past sharing rooms and it's nice to be able to just come back and be with my partner after a busy con day/night.

As I said, can't hurt to ask and try to pick up a room. PM me if you have details. Would love to see you all again!

That's right guys, i'm old! well, older at least.

Just an update, middle of renovation to mine and Mozee's new place. Hopefully get that sorted out.
Finally had internet connected to the house, but then we've headed down to Sydney for two weeks, so no real home internet for a while.

Trying to catch up on orders and invoices, been a hectic couple of weeks.

But, here I am, in Sydney for my Birthday! Will be sticking around for FurJam. Then back up to the Gold Coast to finish off the place and hopefully move in by the end of September.

Miss you guys! Sorry I haven't been online.

*hugs!*

Well, in a couple of weeks i'll be taking the drive out from Chicago to Pittsburg.

I'll be rooming with my partner  mozee and it's just the two of us in the Westin. So thrilled about that!
I actually didn't bring my Oz fursuit with me this time around. I do have the blowup latex balloon version of him. But unsure how that would go at AC. Thoughts? (They're actually a bunch of Squeak suits there, maybe we could do a shoot?)

I will have  dancingduke with me and will be the only fursuit i'm wearing during the con.
I'm actually doing another music video with  revit which we'd love any and all fursuiters to learn the moves and join in.
http://youtu.be/XY8BxPLtMpA

Besides that, i'm hoping for a fairly stress free cruisey convention. I'm not doing any dance comps, fursuit games, panels and such. Will be all about social time and hanging with my ott.
Bringing my sketch book, so i'd love to get some stuff put into that.

This is my last USA convention for the year and most likely my last AC for quite some time won't be back till 2014. For ESG and maybe FWA, depends how it all works out.

Looking forward to seeing you all again!

Love you so much  mozee

*warm and fuzzy tingles!* ^_____^

I had a tone of fun at AC this past year and was looking forward to attending again.

Unfortunately, due to time zones and the new super sponsors getting first dibs on hotel rooms. I missed out on getting a room for myself and Mozee at this years AC.
I don't room with others as I like to just have myself and Mozee in a king room alone.

As a fusuiter, with quite large fursuits. I have no interest in staying in other hotels other than the Westin.
I was looking forward to AC, as I was planning on doing an even (hopefully) bigger fursuit dance number at it. Just like MFF.

So, if anyone has a Westin king room that they pull out of, please let us know.

I know it may sound diva of me, but when you spend that sort of money getting to the con, to be with your partner. You want the most out of the trip.
I want it to be romantic and comfortable, not air mattresses in crowded rooms 2 blocks from the convention center. That's just me.

If you hear anything, let me know. ^__^

http://www.furbuy.com/auctions/1039383.html
http://www.furbuy.com/auctions/1039383.html
http://www.furbuy.com/auctions/1039383.html
http://www.furbuy.com/auctions/1039383.html

I really haven't used this guy at all since owning him. Could certainly go to a much better home, shame to see him sitting in a wardrobe going unused.

It's a great suit!

Tell your friends! Spread it around, this cheetah needs some love!

*wobbles*

So i'm super excited that i'll be heading back to FC in a few days time. I'll be there from Wednesday, staying at the Hilton with Duke Fawks.
This is actually very monumental for me, because my first furry convention I attended was Further Confusion 2003. So this will mark 10 years of furry cons. (Though I was a fur in the 90's, there were not furry cons in Australia to attend.)

I'm taking it a little easier this con. Both AC and MFF were fun, but felt more like a job then a con at times and I never wore Oz at either. They were a very  dancingduke heavy convention. What with dance comps and music video filming. Just took up so much time.
Lets hope I get out in Oz a heap more. Maybe even my  squeaklatex Inflatable Kangaroo Oz at one stage.

The only real schedules planned event I have is the inflatable fursuits panel which i'm hosting. Will be showing off how my inflatable fursuit works, How you can produce your own, pros and cons. Will also be showing of the inflatable squeak latex costumes and a fan powered costume. So please come along if you're interested,

Other than that, just going to fursuits, food and fun!

If you see me about, in Duke, Oz or Latex Roo. Don't be afraid to come up for a huge or belly rub.


So, who will I be seeing there?

So http://furryendoftheworld.com/ is fast approaching.

I'll be driving to Rochester NY, rooming with my  mozee (kisses) what I want to know is who else is going? Who else can I convince to go?
This is a great little con to do "Before the world ends". If it does, i'd rather be partying at the last furry con of all time.

Also, myself, mozee and sasuke will have our inflatable fursuits with us. Maybe an impromptu puffy get together will take place.

Come join the party, who else is going?


I can't wait! ^___^

(Oh, because of the free boose, this is not for the youngsters, sorry)

So!

Midwest Furfest has come and gone, was a GREAT convention. I really do love MFF.
Spent most of the con wearing  dancingduke Actually, although Oz made a couple of appearances. I didn't wear him once.
I did put a music clip together at the convention, still amazed by the people that learned the moves and turned out for this.
You can check it out here. http://youtu.be/A3wq_82naoU
I was then hit with REALLY bad con crud, put me in bed for a few days. But a wise person once said. When i'm sick, I just stop being sick and be awesome instead. True story.

Tomorrow I fly down to Florida for the Warm and Fuzzy Xmas Party. Though, the main reason for heading down this weekend is for the Furry Cruise! WOO! I'll be rooming with Duke Fawks and I can't wait to sail around for 9 days.
(unfortunately, due to luggage restraints, no inflatable latex or Oz suit coming with me, so no flotation fun overboard lol)

In other amazing news. I'm no longer single!!
Yep, it sort of just happened. Myself and  mozee are now a couple. Seriously, I get the tingles with how happy I feel about this. You make me the happiest Roo in the world Ott. LOVE YOU!

After the cruise, I head on up to furryendoftheworld.com in Rochester NY. Where myself, Mozee and who ever else I can get to come to this 3 day party, will bring in the End of The World. That's right people, World's going to end, this con falls on the dates when the Mayan calendar runs out. So this is your last furry convention in the world to go to.
(If the world ends that is ;))
So come to the party!!!!

For Xmas through to new years i'll be driving up to stay with  firestormsix for a few weeks. May even work on a suit together. Who knows! I can't wait to see him, didn't get much time at MFF.

Then it's back to Chicago with  macroceli to eat lots before flying to San Francisco for Further Confusion. My first furry convention was FC2003, so will be a nice 10 year anniversary.
Also, with my inflatable fursuits panel being such a huge hit at MFF (So much so, ran out of space in the room, no pun intended). I'll be doing this panel again at FC also on Friday evening I believe.
So if you've ever wanted to see how these things work, look etc. Please come along! Happy to help. We need more people making puffy fursuits! Not enough round fursuiters waddling about in my opinion.

Busy schedule!

Love you all! Seriously, i've never felt so blessed to have so many amazing people in my life. I couldn't be happier.

So, only a few weeks, well more like days actually until we all gather in Chicago for a kick as con.

I'll be there, rooming with  mozee
I'll have Oz, Inflatable Oz and Duke with me, fursuit wise. (I'll also have the inflatable latex animals, not sure if they'll be out roaming though).

It's actually turning into quite the busy convention for me. I have my inflatable fursuits panel at 3pm on Friday.
I'll be showing various types of inflatable suits from furry to latex as well as ways you can make your own fursuit puffy. Pros and Cons etc.
Those not doing MFF, don't worry. I'll be doing one again at FC.

I'll also be doing my music video as  dancingduke http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3944318/
Those with a fursuit really should look at coming along, though still working out exact times and locations, check out Duke's journals to keep up to date.
Also, not sure if i'll have time to do the Dance competition on top of all of this, but most likely will give it a try.
Hopefully I can make it through.

Other than that, I can't WAIT to hang and see everyone. I'll have my sketch book with me to get some rotund artwork of Oz.
Chances are I'll be in fursuit, but don't be shy, come up for a cuddle and belly rub.

Who else is going? ^___^

Well!

Just renewed my passport and everything will be good to go for my trip to the USA/Canada in a few weeks time.
I'll be hitting up MFF and most likely FC. (Depending on budget, maybe about to attend more cons between Nov - Jan).

Also finishing up 2 fursuits in the coming weeks. The rest of Duncan Roo 2.0 and Blitz Roo.
When I get back I had Izanagi Roo commission me for an inflatable fursuit of his purple roo character.
So excited to be building another blow up fursuit.
So it's roo's all around!

Squeak Latex side of thing, looks like I'll have the inflatable rubber otter out in time for MFF.

Speaking of everything puffy. I'll be hosting a panel at MFF about inflatable fursuits, different methods, styles. Pros and cons, pattern hints, as well as cheap ways to make your own fursuit puffy. (Without popping the seams/crotch of your suit out every time you blow up)
I'll have various styles of suits there, everything for the inflating fursuits, to the squeak latex suits. So if anyone has ever been curious as to what they are like in person. Feel free to come along. I'll post another journal when I have more info.

I'm so excited to get back and see all you guys!
Love and appreciate everyone in my life, you're all amazing.