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update -- medical, work, etc
Posted 4 years agowell, it's been a while since I gave you guys any update about things, not sure if it's really going to make any sort of difference here but I know some of my customers don't follow my twitter, where I post any and everything as it's the only place I really receive feedback on commissions or commissions anymore at all.
i had to leave my therapist due to an abusive and toxic environment she, too, had been creating for me as she was used to cookie cutter middle schooler level clients, not someone who was as "troubled" (as they like to put it) as i am at this time. i went in for another proper evaluation with my psychiatrist due to the fact that i have been hyper focusing, fixating, and dissociating to the point that i completely black out for hours or even days at a time if an emotional episode happens (which my therapist triggered more than once purposely) and i lose those hours or days. it's like i wake up in a completely different area than i was, or my memory is so piss poor that i don't even know if it was ME who was in that situation or just going into a full shut down to cope and protect myself thanks to ptsd.
i was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and have absolutely no way to cope with it aside from masking and shutting down like i have been. i've been told by every little bandaid clinic that my crippling fibromyalgia, neuropathy, and other ailments that i won't go into full detail on aren't enough to consider me disabled because they aren't visible to the naked eye. only thing visible is that i'm fat and "hysterical" to most doctors. i'm going to try and see if i can't get an appointment with the only female doctor in town that hasn't talked to me like i'm a fucking idiot and see if she can't help me in some way to get started.
my bloodpressure was at 165/102 and they tried to send me to the er on my last visit but i can't afford it and neither can my family. i didn't go for obvious reasons, as the last time my blood pressure was taken it was about that high anyway so. i'm resigned to losing my kidneys at this point due to the medical faculties being so shit here until i can afford any kind of health insurance whatsoever.
i have been keeping most of this to myself, talked briefly about some things on twitter, but i feel that i should start being 100% honest as to why my struggles are so fucking debilitating and why there are times i can punch out piece after piece, but then go weeks if not months without being able to even pick up a pen. half the time i don't even know if it's me drawing anymore thanks to this, and...
i'm honestly really frightened. i've been friends with people who had bpd. i don't know if it's my piss poor judgement or what, but no experience i'd ever had with them was even remotely pleasant in the end, i mean stalker level full blockages with them. otherwise if i've interacted with others who had bpd i don't know it as most don't really talk about it. i've been therapist to so many for so long that i don't know if i even have friends or if i just have pro-bono work patients since i rarely get asked or spoken to in a manner that i feel someone is actually concerned for me and not a product, service, etc that they want from me.
it's part of why i've walled myself off from here, and from most other personal social platforms. i'm tired of sharing to be ignored, and i'm tired of my own needs and wants being ignored to the point that i repeat myself a million times to people who just in one ear and out the other and go into their own personal whatevers without even considering so much as an 'oh man that sucks i hope you feel better' toward me. it has been really hard being so alone in this, and most of that loneliness is my own fault as i've been cutting out a lot of individuals who were toxic or just plain awful all around, or folks who doormatted me and just. not even reaching out to really close friends of mine due to the fact that honestly they don't know how to handle me. my everything has been classified as 'too much' for so long that i'm scared to do so.
i'm afraid they're going to try and put me back in that awful establishment again. it was the only place that they barely started diagnosing my mind for what it was, but it was literally the most horrible place i'd ever stayed in. so.
you can understand why i try and just keep to myself with everything in general.
i wonder if someone snuck some moldavite in my bag or something somewhere, the amount of everything happening to me just seems so jarring that it doesn't feel natural.
anyway, i'm sorry this has taken so long to get through, that's enough bitching, here's the basic info folks probably want to know:
graduation for booklearning is this saturday.
i will be starting interning / shadowing hopefully soon.
licensing exam hasn't been scheduled yet but the ball has started rolling, no fault to mine for any feet dragging for once.
come september i am hoping to be in a place of my own with two other room mates, maybe even have a completely different line of work.
if i can make enough money, i plan on refunding as many people as i can and finishing whatever art that i can't / have worked too far into.
i am sorry for taking so long, and appreciative so much of everyone who's been extremely patient with me.
i still have a ton of characters up for trade for art, for sale, whatever. money is welcomed of course, but art honestly brings me serotonin and with as awful as the last month or two have been i could really use some happiness. you can find everything you need to know here, with links to the folders as necessary.
--- please stop lowballing me or offering traced work, stolen adopts, mspaint five second things. a lot of adoptables in here are worth hundreds or at least a lot of time and effort at the least. be respectful, i do not go by deviantart logic where everything is only worth 2-3$ either, so please act like a proper adult on these. thank you.
i had to leave my therapist due to an abusive and toxic environment she, too, had been creating for me as she was used to cookie cutter middle schooler level clients, not someone who was as "troubled" (as they like to put it) as i am at this time. i went in for another proper evaluation with my psychiatrist due to the fact that i have been hyper focusing, fixating, and dissociating to the point that i completely black out for hours or even days at a time if an emotional episode happens (which my therapist triggered more than once purposely) and i lose those hours or days. it's like i wake up in a completely different area than i was, or my memory is so piss poor that i don't even know if it was ME who was in that situation or just going into a full shut down to cope and protect myself thanks to ptsd.
i was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and have absolutely no way to cope with it aside from masking and shutting down like i have been. i've been told by every little bandaid clinic that my crippling fibromyalgia, neuropathy, and other ailments that i won't go into full detail on aren't enough to consider me disabled because they aren't visible to the naked eye. only thing visible is that i'm fat and "hysterical" to most doctors. i'm going to try and see if i can't get an appointment with the only female doctor in town that hasn't talked to me like i'm a fucking idiot and see if she can't help me in some way to get started.
my bloodpressure was at 165/102 and they tried to send me to the er on my last visit but i can't afford it and neither can my family. i didn't go for obvious reasons, as the last time my blood pressure was taken it was about that high anyway so. i'm resigned to losing my kidneys at this point due to the medical faculties being so shit here until i can afford any kind of health insurance whatsoever.
i have been keeping most of this to myself, talked briefly about some things on twitter, but i feel that i should start being 100% honest as to why my struggles are so fucking debilitating and why there are times i can punch out piece after piece, but then go weeks if not months without being able to even pick up a pen. half the time i don't even know if it's me drawing anymore thanks to this, and...
i'm honestly really frightened. i've been friends with people who had bpd. i don't know if it's my piss poor judgement or what, but no experience i'd ever had with them was even remotely pleasant in the end, i mean stalker level full blockages with them. otherwise if i've interacted with others who had bpd i don't know it as most don't really talk about it. i've been therapist to so many for so long that i don't know if i even have friends or if i just have pro-bono work patients since i rarely get asked or spoken to in a manner that i feel someone is actually concerned for me and not a product, service, etc that they want from me.
it's part of why i've walled myself off from here, and from most other personal social platforms. i'm tired of sharing to be ignored, and i'm tired of my own needs and wants being ignored to the point that i repeat myself a million times to people who just in one ear and out the other and go into their own personal whatevers without even considering so much as an 'oh man that sucks i hope you feel better' toward me. it has been really hard being so alone in this, and most of that loneliness is my own fault as i've been cutting out a lot of individuals who were toxic or just plain awful all around, or folks who doormatted me and just. not even reaching out to really close friends of mine due to the fact that honestly they don't know how to handle me. my everything has been classified as 'too much' for so long that i'm scared to do so.
i'm afraid they're going to try and put me back in that awful establishment again. it was the only place that they barely started diagnosing my mind for what it was, but it was literally the most horrible place i'd ever stayed in. so.
you can understand why i try and just keep to myself with everything in general.
i wonder if someone snuck some moldavite in my bag or something somewhere, the amount of everything happening to me just seems so jarring that it doesn't feel natural.
anyway, i'm sorry this has taken so long to get through, that's enough bitching, here's the basic info folks probably want to know:
graduation for booklearning is this saturday.
i will be starting interning / shadowing hopefully soon.
licensing exam hasn't been scheduled yet but the ball has started rolling, no fault to mine for any feet dragging for once.
come september i am hoping to be in a place of my own with two other room mates, maybe even have a completely different line of work.
if i can make enough money, i plan on refunding as many people as i can and finishing whatever art that i can't / have worked too far into.
i am sorry for taking so long, and appreciative so much of everyone who's been extremely patient with me.
i still have a ton of characters up for trade for art, for sale, whatever. money is welcomed of course, but art honestly brings me serotonin and with as awful as the last month or two have been i could really use some happiness. you can find everything you need to know here, with links to the folders as necessary.
--- please stop lowballing me or offering traced work, stolen adopts, mspaint five second things. a lot of adoptables in here are worth hundreds or at least a lot of time and effort at the least. be respectful, i do not go by deviantart logic where everything is only worth 2-3$ either, so please act like a proper adult on these. thank you.
Pillowfort
Posted 4 years agohttps://www.pillowfort.social/Pancaked
i've had one for a good while but here you are again as a reminder since I talked about this in June last year.
ya'll should hop on over mateymates and totally get in on it. i post stuff there sometimes.
i've had one for a good while but here you are again as a reminder since I talked about this in June last year.
ya'll should hop on over mateymates and totally get in on it. i post stuff there sometimes.
still trading
Posted 4 years agoeyeup i'm gonna keep spamming this until ya'll realize i'm not joking.
i have a huge ass selection to pick from of characters for trade.
https://toyhou.se/starfreckles/char.....rs/folder:5916 - the folders with all the babes
https://toyhou.se/9196862.character-trade-purge - all the information you're gonna need to know.
please just take some of these off my hands.
Cash> Art > Adopts
if you offer customs, know that i am stupidly picky and prefer things off current popular bases since, well, i have them myself and can make my own bye.
i have a huge ass selection to pick from of characters for trade.
https://toyhou.se/starfreckles/char.....rs/folder:5916 - the folders with all the babes
https://toyhou.se/9196862.character-trade-purge - all the information you're gonna need to know.
please just take some of these off my hands.
Cash> Art > Adopts
if you offer customs, know that i am stupidly picky and prefer things off current popular bases since, well, i have them myself and can make my own bye.
piss poor attitude
Posted 4 years agoya'll i'm blocking folks liberally so guess you'll know soon enough huh?
buggar off i'm tired of this high school mean girl mentality riddled bullshit here. from full grown ass adults. fucking manchildren. womanchildren too. nonbiechildren. idfc.
people got a problem with me, they can come to my face and say it.
but keep my name out of your fucking mouth.
i'm this close to just...
fucking hell. emergency 775$ - 900$ for school fees
Posted 4 years agoyeah they fucked me up by another 400$ more than i was initially told because this school is literally a fuck up of all fuck ups and now i've either waisted 4+ months of my time, or i have to cough up this money in the next two weeks if i want my 300+ hours released.
i'm opening up traditional sketch pages.
30 pages at 30$ - this means you get your choice of a character, a character of mine, and one waist up interaction, a few chibi head doodles or a chibi and a headshot, and one final large waist up. 50$+ gets you two of your own characters and a double waist up of both of them at the bottom.
---- i am better at females and prefer to draw them or soft boys, meaning chonky, non muscular males.
---- armor and weaponry unless simple will be simplified more regardless of tip. sorry not sorry, i need to practice more before i can be confident enough to sell my abilities there.
---- sfw stuff only. i'm working on these at school until my granddad finishes my work desk so i can work from home with proper lighting.
---- no backgrounds. sorry but i can only fill up so much of this page as this is not a large sketch book.
Slots -
30/30 open
I have 2 weeks to get this money before school lets out. This is an emergency if there ever was one. -SIGH-
i'm opening up traditional sketch pages.
30 pages at 30$ - this means you get your choice of a character, a character of mine, and one waist up interaction, a few chibi head doodles or a chibi and a headshot, and one final large waist up. 50$+ gets you two of your own characters and a double waist up of both of them at the bottom.
---- i am better at females and prefer to draw them or soft boys, meaning chonky, non muscular males.
---- armor and weaponry unless simple will be simplified more regardless of tip. sorry not sorry, i need to practice more before i can be confident enough to sell my abilities there.
---- sfw stuff only. i'm working on these at school until my granddad finishes my work desk so i can work from home with proper lighting.
---- no backgrounds. sorry but i can only fill up so much of this page as this is not a large sketch book.
Slots -
30/30 open
I have 2 weeks to get this money before school lets out. This is an emergency if there ever was one. -SIGH-
thank you.
Posted 4 years agofor everyone who faves my work.
leaves a comment.
shares it.
hell anyone who even looks at my page or thinks about me.
thank you.
i've been going through a lot of self discovery lately, and the only real find i've managed is how lonely existence is.
how i've basically completely walled myself off from the people i know i would be great with friends wise, and only had people who wanted to use me, walk all over me, talk about me, hate me for no reason instead as "friends" and thus made me hate everything about myself. it was a power move that crippled me.
with everything that happened to me this year, to all of us, it really showed me what people are really like.
and while i could sit here and be like 'i'm gonna make friends this year!' or 'i'm gonna be more social and friendly this year!' i can't. i won't lie to myself like that because i know i won't get better.
i cut out all the cancer in my life, and i just don't have the energy or the blood supply to risk it anymore.
so to those of you who've helped me, donated to me, treated me like i was a person instead of just someone who was a product maker / producer of content you could just stare at for five seconds, let out a little breathy nose laugh, and keep scrolling?
thank you for not giving up on me.
please practice a safe new year's day.
hopefully you aren't sitting alone in your room feeling lonely, but alone in your room feeling loved. because you are. even if only platonically and by a stranger who only appears as text on a screen.
leaves a comment.
shares it.
hell anyone who even looks at my page or thinks about me.
thank you.
i've been going through a lot of self discovery lately, and the only real find i've managed is how lonely existence is.
how i've basically completely walled myself off from the people i know i would be great with friends wise, and only had people who wanted to use me, walk all over me, talk about me, hate me for no reason instead as "friends" and thus made me hate everything about myself. it was a power move that crippled me.
with everything that happened to me this year, to all of us, it really showed me what people are really like.
and while i could sit here and be like 'i'm gonna make friends this year!' or 'i'm gonna be more social and friendly this year!' i can't. i won't lie to myself like that because i know i won't get better.
i cut out all the cancer in my life, and i just don't have the energy or the blood supply to risk it anymore.
so to those of you who've helped me, donated to me, treated me like i was a person instead of just someone who was a product maker / producer of content you could just stare at for five seconds, let out a little breathy nose laugh, and keep scrolling?
thank you for not giving up on me.
please practice a safe new year's day.
hopefully you aren't sitting alone in your room feeling lonely, but alone in your room feeling loved. because you are. even if only platonically and by a stranger who only appears as text on a screen.
small raffle?
Posted 4 years agohttps://twitter.com/BloodlxlArt/sta.....20774708776961
yo it'cho homesnek thelxlbloodlxlprince holding this super cool raffle on twitter.
all that good jazz man.
https://twitter.com/hellostarrysky/.....23606950436866
also here's my entry for ya Blood. and yo. ya'll should be following my twitter anyway ya filthy animals
heck i hit disable on accident. OH WELL I'LL FIX IT LATER. You got my comment, blood
yo it'cho homesnek thelxlbloodlxlprince holding this super cool raffle on twitter.
all that good jazz man.
https://twitter.com/hellostarrysky/.....23606950436866
also here's my entry for ya Blood. and yo. ya'll should be following my twitter anyway ya filthy animals
heck i hit disable on accident. OH WELL I'LL FIX IT LATER. You got my comment, blood
update 12-2020
Posted 5 years agoi'm at 170+ hours out of the 300 hours needed for the book course of my class.
after that i will be getting nothing but in salon hours, and i might not even bother to keep with the school for that and might just go to an actual salon that wants to hire me instead, it all depends on what my exams will require to get my license.
saturday i had 4 exams at once that i had to take because the teacher hasn't been keeping up with, y'know, teaching and assuming we're just gonna be ready for it for some reason, so it's been extremely stressful teaching myself an entire possible career on my own, hence the extreme lack of art and updates.
i want to thank all of you who have been nothing but patient with me, i know this year is hard for everyone, and it's no excuse to drag my feet this badly. if not for the bitter stress and cold i probably would have been done with a lot more than i have simply by working while at school but i am so damn awful about this.
i want to stop doing commissions all together soon, once i've graduated and i'm able to make my own money, enough to pay my bills and expenses, i plan on refunding whoever i haven't finished's commissions (god hopefully it won't come to that) and be able to just relax and enjoy my art again.
to all of you who have been nothing but gentle and kind to me, understanding and even donating to me during my time of need (there's been so many disasters this year holy fucking shit i am very lucky i'm still alive right now thanks to the kindness of you guys) i can't thank you enough.
please continue to support me, or at least keep me in your kinder thoughts should you ever think of me, as i am trying very hard to get through all of this one step at a time.
my emotional support groups that i needed, my therapist, all of it is gone due to covid or otherwise. it has been extremely hard to try and keep doing anything without my own head or my pain completely destroying any energy i had to do much of anything. very little inspires me to draw, and even less makes me entertain the idea of being an artist in general and going through with the full amount that i know i am currently drowning under.
i am overwhelmed, but this is not me trying to guilt anyone. you guys saved me from financial ruin and i am forever grateful for that.
i just pray that all of you can still continue to be understanding and know i am not trying to run away with anyone's money. i am just so damn slow compared to what i used to be. my mania hasn't hit me like it usually does and i fear that it won't so i can push through everything as fast as possible.
i love all of you, and i hope you stay safe this holiday season. it's a dangerous time of year for people in headspaces like me, so just... know you're not alone.
after that i will be getting nothing but in salon hours, and i might not even bother to keep with the school for that and might just go to an actual salon that wants to hire me instead, it all depends on what my exams will require to get my license.
saturday i had 4 exams at once that i had to take because the teacher hasn't been keeping up with, y'know, teaching and assuming we're just gonna be ready for it for some reason, so it's been extremely stressful teaching myself an entire possible career on my own, hence the extreme lack of art and updates.
i want to thank all of you who have been nothing but patient with me, i know this year is hard for everyone, and it's no excuse to drag my feet this badly. if not for the bitter stress and cold i probably would have been done with a lot more than i have simply by working while at school but i am so damn awful about this.
i want to stop doing commissions all together soon, once i've graduated and i'm able to make my own money, enough to pay my bills and expenses, i plan on refunding whoever i haven't finished's commissions (god hopefully it won't come to that) and be able to just relax and enjoy my art again.
to all of you who have been nothing but gentle and kind to me, understanding and even donating to me during my time of need (there's been so many disasters this year holy fucking shit i am very lucky i'm still alive right now thanks to the kindness of you guys) i can't thank you enough.
please continue to support me, or at least keep me in your kinder thoughts should you ever think of me, as i am trying very hard to get through all of this one step at a time.
my emotional support groups that i needed, my therapist, all of it is gone due to covid or otherwise. it has been extremely hard to try and keep doing anything without my own head or my pain completely destroying any energy i had to do much of anything. very little inspires me to draw, and even less makes me entertain the idea of being an artist in general and going through with the full amount that i know i am currently drowning under.
i am overwhelmed, but this is not me trying to guilt anyone. you guys saved me from financial ruin and i am forever grateful for that.
i just pray that all of you can still continue to be understanding and know i am not trying to run away with anyone's money. i am just so damn slow compared to what i used to be. my mania hasn't hit me like it usually does and i fear that it won't so i can push through everything as fast as possible.
i love all of you, and i hope you stay safe this holiday season. it's a dangerous time of year for people in headspaces like me, so just... know you're not alone.
wishlist for 2020-2021
Posted 5 years agoHonestly I really want bases. Like, there's a ton of bases I'd love if people purchased them for me so I could putter around and make references for all the characters I have.
https://ko-fi.com/s/72b36908cc
https://ko-fi.com/s/20b1108469
https://ko-fi.com/s/960833eb5f ♥♥
https://ko-fi.com/s/fb6438f245
https://ko-fi.com/s/e504a66f4d
https://ko-fi.com/s/8bfdd76ef0
https://ko-fi.com/s/8fc1848d44
https://ko-fi.com/s/46c88c5a18
https://ko-fi.com/s/6d5cb2f8cb
https://ko-fi.com/s/bdc413f5fd
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/39230382/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/37796176/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/30618904/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/32985851/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/29035819/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/36944951/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/35296280/ https://payhip.com/b/WUJm
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/36084784/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/34742689/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/34708343/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/35027137/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/34510893/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/38576826/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/37607545/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/34595935/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/28970653/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/15843159/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/31224320/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/15158307/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/16246915/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/17790490/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/17800522/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/18509931/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/19310127/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/20345871/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/21999133/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/24484332/
Or if you guys don't wanna spend money, 'm always looking for art of my little babies. I can't really afford to buy any, and references are always wanted and needed
https://toyhou.se/starfreckles/char...../folder:377203 - anthro sonas. the fluffy babies that i love the most / are closest to me or special.
https://toyhou.se/starfreckles/char.....folder:1364977 - not really sonas so much as just babies i love a ton and are usually paired off with my boyfriend Unonemous 's characters. I am also looking to design him more sonas so he can have all the love he can stand, if you're interested in doin that, please let me know! I only have so many male bases. ;;
https://toyhou.se/starfreckles/char.....folder:1433573 - these particular characters are all the absolute favorites but not enough to be sona level babies of mine that I cherish a lot.
https://toyhou.se/starfreckles/char.....folder:1365080 - I'm still in the process of giving most of these babies fawnicorn designs, if you want to help redesign a bunch please let me know!
https://toyhou.se/starfreckles/char.....folder:1364986 - these are the 'never being sold / forever homed' babies of mine. Most can't be sold or traded anyway, but I love them all the same.
https://toyhou.se/starfreckles/char...../folder:789778 - almost all of these are in need of references and MHA based designs. No, not all are students or heroes and I do have ideas for who belongs with who already but!! If you want to help let me know? I'm very tired all the time now lmao.
https://toyhou.se/starfreckles/char...../folder:178521 - I REALLY NEED HELP WITH THESE. I want to finally put these to rest ahhhh but if you want to help me design them please let me know. I no longer wish to keep the Pillowing so I'd be happy to trade that one away.
https://toyhou.se/starfreckles/char...../folder:772757 - honestly to have any art that isn't just the pixeled avis would be great. I'm super bad about making new designs way too much that I like and I'd love to turn them into something more.
If all else fails, and all you can or want to do is donate, you're more than welcomed to do so at my ko-fi page. Thank you again so much for even bothering to look at this mess.
BASE WISHLIST https://ko-fi.com/s/72b36908cc
https://ko-fi.com/s/20b1108469
https://ko-fi.com/s/960833eb5f ♥♥
https://ko-fi.com/s/fb6438f245
https://ko-fi.com/s/e504a66f4d
https://ko-fi.com/s/8bfdd76ef0
https://ko-fi.com/s/8fc1848d44
https://ko-fi.com/s/46c88c5a18
https://ko-fi.com/s/6d5cb2f8cb
https://ko-fi.com/s/bdc413f5fd
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/39230382/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/37796176/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/30618904/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/32985851/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/29035819/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/36944951/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/35296280/ https://payhip.com/b/WUJm
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/36084784/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/34742689/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/34708343/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/35027137/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/34510893/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/38576826/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/37607545/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/34595935/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/28970653/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/15843159/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/31224320/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/15158307/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/16246915/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/17790490/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/17800522/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/18509931/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/19310127/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/20345871/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/21999133/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/24484332/
ART WISHLISTOr if you guys don't wanna spend money, 'm always looking for art of my little babies. I can't really afford to buy any, and references are always wanted and needed
https://toyhou.se/starfreckles/char...../folder:377203 - anthro sonas. the fluffy babies that i love the most / are closest to me or special.
https://toyhou.se/starfreckles/char.....folder:1364977 - not really sonas so much as just babies i love a ton and are usually paired off with my boyfriend Unonemous 's characters. I am also looking to design him more sonas so he can have all the love he can stand, if you're interested in doin that, please let me know! I only have so many male bases. ;;
https://toyhou.se/starfreckles/char.....folder:1433573 - these particular characters are all the absolute favorites but not enough to be sona level babies of mine that I cherish a lot.
https://toyhou.se/starfreckles/char.....folder:1365080 - I'm still in the process of giving most of these babies fawnicorn designs, if you want to help redesign a bunch please let me know!
https://toyhou.se/starfreckles/char.....folder:1364986 - these are the 'never being sold / forever homed' babies of mine. Most can't be sold or traded anyway, but I love them all the same.
https://toyhou.se/starfreckles/char...../folder:789778 - almost all of these are in need of references and MHA based designs. No, not all are students or heroes and I do have ideas for who belongs with who already but!! If you want to help let me know? I'm very tired all the time now lmao.
https://toyhou.se/starfreckles/char...../folder:178521 - I REALLY NEED HELP WITH THESE. I want to finally put these to rest ahhhh but if you want to help me design them please let me know. I no longer wish to keep the Pillowing so I'd be happy to trade that one away.
https://toyhou.se/starfreckles/char...../folder:772757 - honestly to have any art that isn't just the pixeled avis would be great. I'm super bad about making new designs way too much that I like and I'd love to turn them into something more.
If all else fails, and all you can or want to do is donate, you're more than welcomed to do so at my ko-fi page. Thank you again so much for even bothering to look at this mess.
Desperation
Posted 5 years agoYup.
I can barely afford gas.
I now can't make any sort of tuition payment.
I'm in full panic mode. I don't know what to do.
Nothing I do is good enough for selling and I'm not pretty enough to sell pictures or weird shit I own online to anyone.
I'm drowning again and I'm all alone in it.
God what is this fucking year.
I can barely afford gas.
I now can't make any sort of tuition payment.
I'm in full panic mode. I don't know what to do.
Nothing I do is good enough for selling and I'm not pretty enough to sell pictures or weird shit I own online to anyone.
I'm drowning again and I'm all alone in it.
God what is this fucking year.
2 colored waist ups open
Posted 5 years agoopening up 2 for 65$ deals again. need bill money so i'm going to go ahead and open for 4 slots.
meaning 4 2 for 65$ slots.
due to my current schooling schedule, it may be upwards of one to two months before they're fully completed, but they will be worked on. you can keep up to date with the current queue on my trello or even see wips on my twitter.
i'm desperately needing cash as i am down to my last 80$ in my bank thanks to school taking my last 500$ with supplies and with fees. my bills are okay for this mont, but by next month i will overdraft. (Next month being starting of the month of November)
i appreciate everyone's patience and kindness over the year, it has been a nightmare for everyone and myself especially between illness, pandemic, break up, and this... school that i'm paying for babysitting and having to buy all of my own supplies even though i paid a lot of cash for a stupid kit with an irresponsible and flake of an instructor / site director.
thank you again for all you guys do, please send me a note or leave a comment if interested, i will get back to you as fast as i can and get you everything you need to know with an invoice. 2 colored waist ups -- closed
Posted 5 years agoUPDATE: Had way more interest than I thought I would on this, thank you guys so much for all the inquiries and requests. I will be working on these between commissions (mostly lines and a few colors I've already lined) so each of you have eta's from when I've been given references AND had invoices paid. Thank you all so much again.
Trying to raise some dosh to get my hair done. 2 half bodies for 65, that's hella cheap for my pricing which can be found here. If you'd like something else it's full price. These will be completed around 2-3 weeks.
https://pancaked-pricing.carrd.co/
Payment upfront, would be greatly appreciated if ordered by Saturday when I have the chance to get it done by my friend.
I didn't wanna open but I need the money to do this so I can finally feel better about the shit I've been through the last two years. It's going to be my last 'self improvement' purchase before I stop spending money all together for a while.
Note me if interested, if you can't afford it please do NOT message me asking me about pricing as I'm tired of being ghosted. It's annoying, it's rude, and puts you on the 'don't respond' list for me. :/ It's a waste of both of our times.
Thanks.furrylifeonline
Posted 5 years agosince it's time for the yearly exodus attempt to leave furaffinity, i'll just basically post all my links here.
https://furrylife.online/profile/518-pancaked/
just kidding, it's only furrylife profile. you can find literally every link there, too.
i know that i've plugged this place a few times in the past but honestly it's just going to end up like every other time a new site is posted.
no one is going to leave their comfort zone of consumer base, they'll just use postybirb to post everywhere and never check the website itself out. mourning done
Posted 5 years agookay sorry about that. i know it was stupid personal information that no one really needed to know but it was something i had to get off my chest.
anyway, work will resume Monday. i spent the day recovering from depression and jetlag, and tomorrow i have to help my mother's tennant with everything since she got a new one since she's gonna help me find an irl job.
i'm kinda just in auto-pilot, trying to keep things stable and keep out of the funnyfarm again. it's not pleasant to go there and i really don't want to be shot up with 32 pills and insulin again.
in any case i'm gonna get to it get to it proper Monday once i've had time to rest and rework a ton of shit. that was a disaster
Posted 5 years agoso I got dumped on the 2 hour car ride back.
Don't expect much personality from me for a while. I'm pretty much one step from heading back to the funny farm again and all my meds were taken away as precaution.
I will probably be deleting artwork of certain characters, and selling or deleting other characters entirely.
I feel like my time has completely run out for me to ever have the only dream I kept since I was a child.
It's time to accept that I will never trust people I haven't known for literal years again.
I am no longer investing in any relationships or friendships.
So please don't message me for to, requests, or "hi"s.
I am no longer I interested in being a person.
Don't expect much personality from me for a while. I'm pretty much one step from heading back to the funny farm again and all my meds were taken away as precaution.
I will probably be deleting artwork of certain characters, and selling or deleting other characters entirely.
I feel like my time has completely run out for me to ever have the only dream I kept since I was a child.
It's time to accept that I will never trust people I haven't known for literal years again.
I am no longer investing in any relationships or friendships.
So please don't message me for to, requests, or "hi"s.
I am no longer I interested in being a person.
08-07 - 08-14 out of town
Posted 5 years agoi will not be here until after the 14th, then I will be working on commissions trades etc. i don't want anything bogging me down or stressing me out on this week as this is the first time i'm meeting the love of my life in person and i don't know where it's going to go from there.
he's the most important thing in my life, over even my ability to draw. so i'm not going to let anything take that away from me while i'm out. he's not going to be, either, so that's the least i can do.
your commissions and things will be finished up when i get back. i know i owe several trades and the like, but i've been so nerve wracked and anxiety ridden and thoroughly abused by family over this that I haven't had much of a chance to do much of anything else for myself that involved work.
i will finish everything and then reopen for a bunch of things because i will need to make more money for the month, so expect to see more from me soon!
he's the most important thing in my life, over even my ability to draw. so i'm not going to let anything take that away from me while i'm out. he's not going to be, either, so that's the least i can do.
your commissions and things will be finished up when i get back. i know i owe several trades and the like, but i've been so nerve wracked and anxiety ridden and thoroughly abused by family over this that I haven't had much of a chance to do much of anything else for myself that involved work.
i will finish everything and then reopen for a bunch of things because i will need to make more money for the month, so expect to see more from me soon!
stop.
Posted 5 years agodo not note me asking me to buy something from you.
i don't care if it's a 5 year old's art.
giving you money to buy something materialistic.
begging me to buy art from you because of some made up, fake sobstory.
begging me to support fake fundraisers.
asking to rp as my characters (it's an auto no you fucking ass, use a dollmaker or something.)
demanding i sell you a character.
ghosting tendencies after asking for a commission and getting your response.
my notes are for ONLY commission inquiries.
if you want to talk to me personally, you can visit either of my twitters, ANY of them and we can chat there.
but i am not here for you to promote yourself.
i'm not going to support people who telemarket themselves like that.
it's gross.
it's juvenile and it's bordering harassment.
stay out of my notes. stay off of my page.
if you have to ask via notes and it has nothing to do with you paying me money to draw something for you,
it's safe to say the answer is probably no for whatever it is you're trying to hock on me.urgent update
Posted 5 years agoi love my boyfriend so fucking much and if you follow my twitter you'll understand why.
i'm going to be working my as off this month especially to try and finish all my commissions so i can raise cash soon.
i'm - i'm still floored and in shock and definitely exhausted and jittery
but keep an eye out folks.artfight 2020 - team sugar
Posted 5 years agoArtfight 2020 - Team Sugar
Yo folks, I'm on team sugar this year, and I plan on participating. Piece for piece back. Note, I won't be doing any backgrounds or anything perspective, but I will try to match what I get. (sans shading of course, I have work to do.)
If you would like to attack me first, drop your art pieces in a note or something on my pages, and when the site is back up, hit me UP on that page too!
And here is a huge ass link to all the characters I'm looking art for that's simple. I have several large folders already up on my art fight page, but since it's down for the first week usually, here is a link to all of the characters I'm looking for art for.
I'm totally excited to fight this year, and note that at most I can do is flat colored waist ups. I can try chibi sketches for full bodies, but aside from that I will NOT be offering full body art pieces in any form, so please keep that in mind when attacking me. I have a huge queue that I have to work on, and these will be warm ups for me!!
Thanks guys and can't wait to see you on the field!CLOSED
Posted 5 years agoopening up one 45$ waist up colored and lined commission to pay for a thing.
samples are in my gallery in clean lines.
this will just be one slot, and will be completed by the end of July at the latest.
spreading the word around would really help and be greatly appreciated. thanks guys.
claimed, thanks!Pillowfort?
Posted 5 years agoHey there folks. I managed to get a pillowfort of my very own thanks to a frien so if anyone's interested in following, the link above is where you need to go.
Note, this site includes sfw, nsfw, etc artwork, so enter at your own risk if you don't have an account already.
Note, this site includes sfw, nsfw, etc artwork, so enter at your own risk if you don't have an account already.
5 commission slots open
Posted 5 years agohttps://pancaked-pricing.carrd.co/ -- https://trello.com/b/MU9hSkFX/commi.....ion-to-do-list
hi folks, so today I realized that as nice as not working on new stuff has been, my trello has cleared out TREMENDOUSLY and I am now currently going to reopen a FEW commission slots.
The following options are available listed above on that price listing, but just in case ya'll can't click links -
10$+ half body lines - these are NOT as crisp as colored and usually done rather quickly (If I can't fill slots I will open up for 10 of these.)
45$+ lined and colored halfbodies
65$+ lined and colored full bodies
All of these and more can be found on the link above with all terms listed, and can be found as samples in my gallery.
I'm going to be finishing these by the end of the month if ordered before the end of the week. If not, they will roll over into being completed by mid July - just bear with me as I have taken a full new art schedule -
Art will be worked on for commissions and trades - Monday through Thursday
Personal Art, Gaming, Me Time will be Friday - Sunday so I can avoid burnout or exacerbating my medical issues.
I always update my trello the second I work and/or finish things.
Trades will be worked on often between commissions, and if I only receive lineart orders I will finish those by the end of the month, if not within 2 weeks and will try to open up more.
Thank you guys for all your help, please spread the word I'm open, I would really like to reach a goal this month -
0 / 300$
So let's get started so I can make sure I have groceries (I pay for all of mine), medication bills, and other adult bills like my paypal card, any patreon pledges, etc.
And before you ask, no, I won't just drop my patreon pledges because they're all close friends of mine and it's like, single digit numbers.
the aftershocks
Posted 5 years agoso the family dinner went as expected. it started great then the cousin who's effectively going to be disowned soon called and ruined it.
then meilynn had a stream and not only drew me a beautiful little piece, but had a very small, but very sweet little birthday bash.
all my servers were wishing me happy birthdays or giving me presents of little doodles or will be giving me doodle presents.
this is literally the first year since 2012 that anyone has given a single flying fuck about my birthday aside from my best friends Kite and Jams.
----
now as for the protests and riots, I am praying and hoping all of you are safe and practicing social distancing or at least self quarantine for the 14 days needed to not cause a super spread and giving anyone any more reason to claim that protests were not necessary.
i am hoping all that were injured are now in the care that they need or at least tending to injuries.
if you can spare any money, please look for local businesses in your area affected by the more extremes and see if you can donate some, especially to the black small businesses already struggling because of the covid.
if you can donate to any pro organizations, homeless and low incomone housing shelters, be it food or money, please do so.
if you haven't signed petitions necessary, please do so.
most importantly, please please please take care of yourself. if the social media has overwhelmed you to the point of causing severe panic or pain to your mental state, take time for yourself to tend to yourself. you're valid too, and can support in other ways!
this is a sad time for my country. for the world. from the diseases, to celebrity creators taking advantage of their communities, to yet another surge of police brutality to the point of turning purge level violence. it's hard for everyone. it's scary for everyone.
you have an ally in me, my brothers and sisters, as you are all family to me. this year has been the worst for my country, but one of my best because of the kindness and generosity and absolute understanding of my community. i want to share that with all of you in whatever way i can, and while i struggle on the daily to afford simple things, i can still show that i care, that i want people to know that they are safe with me.
so please take care of yourself, please take care of your family both blood and otherwise. we're all we have.it here
Posted 5 years agothe shot out of babycannon day.
the day of birf.
i'm so tired, the world is such crap right now so it's hard to really want to celebrate anything.
please be safe any and everyone who is out protesting and everything else. there is a virus so be prepared with your proper gear.
ugh i feel old, i'm living up to my mama nickname way too muchit mah birfweek
Posted 5 years agoit feels really weird having any if i'm 100% honest.
it's going to be even weirder than usual because of quarantine.
here's hoping i can get through it like a normal day instead of the usual chaos.