Which piss me off, last night I was coming home from Walmart and my car stereo had been acting funny for the past couple of months it was cutting in and out like it was losing power or something and a couple of days ago I was driving to Lakeland and it was really acting up.

But when I got home from Walmart last night the alarm system on the car would not kick in and all the lights were very dim so I got my battery charger out have one of those new Black & Decker Smart Chargers that I had gotten a long time ago when I had the Sun fire, and I charge the battery up because it was very low was thinking that the battery went out on me so this morning when I got up I did a full test on the whole system starter alternator and battery and alternator is bad all my car it is kicking out just a little bit of power just enough to keep the alternator light from coming on this is why I prefer gauges in a car a lot of times these lights will come on and your car is overheating while your alternator is not working and the light stays off causing more damage then it would have if you would have known the actual status of your equipment.

So I had to cancel the motherboard the memory and the processor I was going to buy from Amazon it will take a couple of days for that money to get in my bank account again, and then I have to go by and alternator my car is more important than and motherboard for computer parts still using my aunt's laptop and she said I could use it as long as I needed to so I'm still connected and it is a good thing that advance auto parts is just down the road I have checked a bunch of places and they are the cheapest being under $200.00 everybody else wants over that for the same alternator.

It is just my luck though now I need to have happen is the hot water heater go out on the house or something else major happened which it probably will it always does, but I will see what happens I always deal with it I hope in the proper way, maybe one day I will get this machine working again and get back to more important stuff while the car is important but I still have a whole kitchen to remodel but it is in the state that it is working now and can be put back on the very back burner and the cars moved up to the front.

About the beginning of last month I decided to clean my big machine "Big Bear" clean and reset the heatsink all of the fans and all of the boards after putting it all back together it would not even go into CMOS I hear that old motherboard was on its last legs and I should have never messed with it but it was full of dust and cat hair and started to make funny noises out of some of the fans so I decided to break down and clean it and Jimmy had gotten me some silver thermal compound for the heatsink.

After that I started using an old computer that I had sitting around here that my aunt gave me it was still running Windows 7 on it so I upgraded it to Windows 10 and had nothing but problems with it it would take over five minutes to load the Internet and that was on Microsoft Edge (E) it won't barely run Firefox, so I sent a message to my sister because I owe too much money to Jimmy to ask for anything else from him I have to pay him down before I can do anything else like that, I did however find a nice motherboard MSI © AMD AM+3 © FX processor and 16 gigs of DDR3 RAM for right at for a little over 200 bucks on Amazon unfortunately she can't help me out on that so I have to get myself it is about $90 for the motherboard $80 for the processor and about $30 for the RAM I can buy one part a month my kitchen is in the position where I can use it I just have to put it off now for about four months so I can get this computer going I am going to use the 500 gig hard drive out of this other old computer and the drives out of "Big Bear" I will be making the first purchase have already figured out bills I should have a enough after everything's paid to get the motherboard I am right now using a fairly new laptop my aunt let me borrow until I can get another computer running, it is a fairly fast computer and it does run my video games the only bad thing is it is a 15.5 inch monitor on some of the websites I have to increase the magnification on the screens but all in all it is a fairly good laptop and I am getting by.

Also folks I will not be going to Megaplex I have all but given up on going to another convention it seems like every time I try to get ahead there is something to push me back again the next thing that's going to break is my car is still in desperate need of a timing belt and has now over 100,000 miles on it but it is on the back burner for now I thought once I got the kitchen that the state is now I could start buying the stuff I need to start getting ready to do that but I have to have a computer and I really don't like using somebody else's machine but that's always going on now I am still getting by and I am still learning.

Over the years I have found friends or so-called friends the ones when you need help are not there or have something better to do when you really need help.but I have found very few that I could actually call brothers or brother I think I can count on one paw how many I have found and still have a few fingers left.

I am talking about one very very close friend one that I can call my brother one that I really listen and has helped me out a lot more than I could ever repay has helped me through getting my disability when they denied it the first time and has helped me through when I was going blind from cataracts and has helped me through a lot of others has found organizations that could help me when I was feeling loss and alone and abandoned as their more than anyone else I can think of including my own family my sister does help me out a lot but nobody is helped out more than he has and has stood by me more than I could ever repay I am talking about my best friend in the world.

Jimmy y'all know him as squeaky bunny here on FA.

And you all should go by and say hi or offer a hug this is one person that really really deserves it.

The one I can call my brother you should go by and check out his page.

Well yesterday Jimmy got me my new cooktop and the microwave for my kitchen remodel from Lowe's.

And on that note about getting it from Lowe's was going to get it from Home Depot until I found out that they charge $59.00 on all appliances for shipping whether it is to the store or to your home on appliances that they do not have in stock for our special order which my cooktop was on display but you do not carry them in the store all appliances at Home Depot are special order and any appliance under $395.00 carrying a $59.00 delivery fee.

Lowe's does not do that. So I have a new CookTop and microwave coming will be here approximately the 29th of this month a couple more steps closer to getting my kitchen in proper working order and design the way I wanted to be so I can really start cooking. Pics of new cooktop will be link below along with microwave.

I have to really think Jimmy you really comes through for me and helps me out a lot more than I could ever repay. *hugs you tight* Tanks Yous

Cooktop link: https://www.lowes.com/pd/GE-Electri.....-25-in/3246284

Microwave link: https://www.lowes.com/pd/GE-0-7-cu-.....hite/999929396

Well there really wasn't much to do but I learned a few things one I already knew but went ahead and did it anyways and now I have to redo it.
Was working on the small cabinet that goes above the microwave which was just framing out a couple of small openings for the cabinet doors that I am going to put up their, had been looking at it and deciding whether I was going to put cabinet doors up there or leave it open and put some decorative trim around it like a shelf an open shelf I decided to go ahead and close it in and put doors on it I figured I had enough leftover scrap 2 x 2 timbers or studying to make the enclosure "WRONG" was a big waste of time have to get a couple of nice straight 2 x 2's and do it right but this isn't what I learned what I already knew but didn't take to heart.

First thing in any project that you are doing whether the building a doghouse or whatever do not pre-ordered your lumbar that you are needing get your lazy butt in your vehicle drive down to your local hardware store lumberyard and look at the stuff you are buying will come back and bite your ass if you do not. When I ordered the lumber for what I am doing I just went ahead and from the local Home Depot in my area Ok Ok just some simple 2 x 2's and 2 x 4's and the drywall screws and some wallboard it seems like they gave me the most twisted 2 x 2's they could find the 2 x 4's were okay and the wall boards were.

The other thing I learned and already knew not try making something out of scrap yes it works in some cases and will probably work here too but I am a little picky about this so I'm going to start over at the beginning of the month when I can afford to go down and get good lumber just need a couple of sticks of 2 x 2's I also have to get a router and the first Index of router bits I'm going to need more 12-2 wire 20 amp outlet and two 50 amp outlets for the range top and stove.

One of the other things I have learned and already knew mobile homes or not square I am so used to having to have everything square and it seems like when they are building these things there's a guy standing there scratching and head looking at a square and going "what is this silly "L" looking thing for" and pitching it out the window. They also don't know what a carpenter's level is.

Have been looking online and going to the home improvement stores and talking with some of the Associates there about countertops beings I was going to be building my own cabinets anyways and after talking with associates at Home Depot and Lowe's and Scotty's I have decided to build my own laminated countertops.

Reason for this is I have decided to move the refrigerator over to the opposite wall and build a U-shaped countertop would give me extra cabinets a spot for a dishwasher (if I could ever afford one) a place for the garbage can and the cat box which would be out of the way and under the cabinet which would be sealed so no bacteria can get from that area into the rest of the cabinets and will also give me a countertop with one field seem instead of two or three also it will be a lot cheaper because they said in order to get a cut to order countertop with to 45° angles my countertop that I was going to pay $150.00 for went up to $650.00 and $95.00 for the other two.

I have laminated countertops before and now with the premade edging you can get form Wilsonart it makes building and customizing your countertops a lot better and a lot cheaper countertop I was going to buy already pre-manufactured would have cost me $840.00 by making it myself will cost me about $250.00so it saves me about $590.00

And I getting in the exact color I want which is white marble to match the other kitchen appliances and kitchen cabinet's I am building.

Hi all

Looking for anybody who wants to play Dead space 3. You do not have to be an experienced player but it does help but I will play with anybody who is willing to play the whole game whether you are an advanced player or a beginner will be playing from beginning to end including the DLC Aftermath.

I will be starting a brand-new game this means I will be starting from the beginning with no resource except from what you can find and believe me in this game you need resources resources so you upgrade your armor and suit and craft weapon besides what weapon parts you find.

Will not be using any cheat engine yes there is one out for this game and I do have just thought I would let you all know before anybody agrees you are not tied to an agreement if you want to play just let me know also will not be using "The Devil Horns" for this game I do have them and they automatically appear in my inventory when I get to a bench but I will not be using them I would prefer someone who will not use them either want to be a challenge of a game I have beaten the game and all levels of hardness I do have all of the DLC's for this game and I do have all of the cheat engine but will not be using just a heads up I have been playing the game since it came out and have played all of the previous games.

Rules of engagement for this challenge rule #1 no cheat engines rule #2 will be playing in Hard mode other than that there is no you can choose to play as Isaac Clarke or as Carver.

I do not care if you are an advanced player like myself or a beginner beginners sometimes have more fun especially when they're with somebody who knows how to play the game I will not be recording this game will be saving for further play with my co-op partner.

Will be playing in PC platform my main suit I will be will either be the Witness suit or the N7 suit the main weapon I will be using when I get to a bench to get it will be and all of the parts to craft it the way I like will be the "The Evangelizer Carbine end Shotgun" and one just like it but a rocket launcher attached to the bottom of it that is on that I will have to get the parts for but the rocket launcher will be attached to the bottom and the shotgun on top.

can get advice on crafting weapons sometimes I will need time adventures to get online and use resource coupons at your service bot brings back to you will give time at benches for crafting circuits and weapons and time at suit stations for upgrades and changing suit, we can go as fast or as slow as you want so if anybody is interested leave me a note this journal or send me an e-mail subject line DS3 Play or Dead Space 3 Play to pandr_panda at Yahoo.

*hugs* Happy Gaming

And I will answer to the best of my knowledge

meaning I'm going to finish this section that I started a few months ago like 6 or 7.
Just waiting on a couple of things I ordered from Home Depot had been going by there and walking around and was going to order a pantry to go beside the oven that I put in but it was going to cost $300.00+ dollars and that was for a small one which was still too big for the area I want to put it in so instead I spent about $138.00 and just going to build my own plus finish getting the oven so it looks like it is an actual part of the house and I am going to install an area about the oven for a microwave to get my microwave off the counter.

I will have to build my own doors right now I'm going to need six of them the pantry I am building will have a fixed shelf in about the middle into floating shelves in the upper and lower parts and will also have the lighting inside I price doors but I can only get custom-made doors for the project I am working on and the cheap ones start at $25 a square foot with a minimum of 2 foot and I know how to construct doors I went and priced all the materials for six doors and roughly about $200 where if I have them build them the ones I wanted were about $800 but I do not need them right now it will give the cat something to investigate and hiding in.

Here are the pics I uploaded a while back from where I began to what I have now and I will upload some more when I get this part of it completed or at least everything but the doors.

What I started with: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/19865683/

What it looks like now: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/19904619/ https://www.furaffinity.net/view/19908028/

Eugene brings the sex

The first part of this may be that I am not going to go to Elliott's Fall Festival or EFF I am still up in the air about it, it will be the first one that I have missed and a very long time actually sense they have been putting that mete up I gave jimmy (the best friend I never had or will have) $60.00 that was so I would have gas money and maybe some beer money for that Fur-mete but tomorrow is grocery day and I have not really checked my bank account today but I'd probably have about $1.00 maybe a little more in it. Then I have $16.00 in food stamps that glorious money that the United States government gives its people to put food on their table for a month.

I don't understand any more I went to school I went to trade schools two of them I paid out of my own pocket the company I worked for more now went to the third one said they were paying for it but they took the money out of my checking waves through a lot and I learned how to take worthless honks of metal and turn them into valuable parts parts that are now still floating around in outer space I do not know what they're doing out there but a lot of it was done during the star wars program.

And I get $1058.00 a month to live on ((( do not get me wrong folks I am not asking for any money))) I know everybody out there has a hard life and they have people that depend on them so I am not asking for anything.

It just seems that the money that I'd put aside or have given to somebody will now go for something else I was told that I need to get out of my house more I find that I can't do that is much as I wish I could I can't by shorted the electric company the cable company and most of all I shorted my rent this month just to get $60.00 to do EFF which now all I am probably not going to get to go to.

But this is getting away from why I am posting this journal, I lost a lot of very good and dear friends in October some I have mentioned before maybe in other journals or on other websites especially about this time and year some from childhood and some from beyond that, and I know people and friends and family tell me I should not think about that but it is very hard not to when it seems that all you have is time to think about it and this time of year is hard especially when you try. I am about to the point of stop went to a picnic the other day a lot of people there a lot younger then me and this goes for most of the people I know sitting there playing on their cell phones and tablets I guess I don't relate to that anymore as my cell phone does not do that in any way HELL does not even have a camera I do have to others but I cannot afford any type of phone service on them or what ever it is called today, my computer I was very proud of I built it piece by piece back in 2004 and it is running Windows 10 but if anything happened right now I could not afford to fix a fan if I had to.

I worked my butt off I try to build something for myself I let relationships and friends and family tear me apart I am still trying to get caught up from my last relationship that this month would be a year ago as I put him on the bus October 3 and only heard from him one time and some ovule say that that wasn't my fault some of you will say that it was myself I do not care anymore whether it was or whether wasn't I'm getting to the point where I don't care about nothing not even cooking or caring about cooking is hard for me to say but it does not bring pleasure anymore and I thought in my entire life I would never say that, that I would never feel the pleasure of cooking a meal or showing it or telling how I did it or watching the faces on the people who ate it as they enjoyed it.

I am tired I have three things in this world that I care about and that previous statement as "I have three things" they are not things they are my children my cat's I set up good homes for them when I am gone although Smudge I don't know what I will do or what he will do without me and he is the only reason while I stay.

Some of you have wandered about my last journal I remove or gotten rid of.

Sorry was using a new speech recognition program which still is giving me a lot of problems those if you who have read my previous journals know that I can not spill for shit. But I have been looking upon my life I am 51 years old I have seen the good and the bad not only in myself but have seen it in others.

I do not know what this world holds for us but I know that I am not long for it.
It has been a pleasure and a privilege to know all of you, and I am sorry that I could not pass along my knowledge to somebody even if it is old knowledge.

Because most IM accounts you have to have a open web browser to use them I downloaded and am using Discoed username "Pandr" and I am also using Skype username for that "pandafoxone" but I do forget to sign into Skype on a daily basis but Discoed is set to load when Windows is started up and I don't have any friends there you can find the program at https://discordapp.com/ and it is free you will have to download the Windows app or whatever your main operating system is.

Well I do not have a detached retina I have some blood in my eye and they do not know where it came from they did a real deep examination of my eye actually of both my eyes. And they did not find a detached retina, they took a bunch of pictures of it and they put some die in my blood.

The eye doctor there is sending a full report to my primary care doctor and those two are going to get together and he wants my primary care doctor to run some other tests to figure out why I have blood in my eye he could not find anything in there at this time but he did say that my primary care doctor has other tests that they can do to figure out the cause of it.

I do have from diabetes a diabetic condition with my eyes but he didn't see any bleeding from that, I still have what looks like little lines running across my left eye but the black spot as gone away so I am waiting on my primary care doctor to schedule me some more tests.

well for a little while now I have been waking up every morning with low blood sugar sometimes not so low other times really low. About three days ago I woke up on my bathroom floor facedown in my head was hurting, I must have hit the bathroom sink when I passed out I was okay once my blood sugar got back up and I ate some glucose tabs each raises your blood sugar drink some milk and ate some bagels.

Yesterday when I got up my blood sugar said "LO" on my blood meter which is the lowest it can go which means it's below 25 because I think that's the lowest any blood meter will go for checking blood sugar levels which is extremely low but the same thing after drinking some milk eating some glucose tabs drinking some apple juice and getting something to eat everything was okay.

I did notice that in my left eye there was a black spot that moving around and plus all I can describe it as is spiderwebs running across my left eye when I would cover my left eye I could not see them but covering my right eye everything was cloudy and there was a black spot and a bunch of spiderwebs, so today after visiting Jimmy I went down to Sun City Ctr., Son Optical, and got an appointment as a walk-in my insurance covered it they did a complete workup and his findings was I have a detached retina in my left eye.

There is a simple surgery for this they say where they use a laser to reattach the retina only problem is it is in the Pinellas County and right now I only have a half a tank of gas in my car so there is no way I can get there they would have had a opening for me at 10 o'clock in the morning tomorrow but there is no way I can make it there so I'm going to have to wait till next month they are still trying to find someone closer I told them my situation that I am on a limited fixed income I have a little bit under a half a tank of gas in my car and $2.00 in my bank account. So there is no way I can make that until next month plus they changed my eye prescription and say I now have to wear corrective lenses and my insurance covers everything but $75. O0 of it.

just wanted to say at first that a friend very close friend said I should not open up my diet did on did on the last couple of journals that it leaves me open for a lot of bad stuff and my exact words were "I really don't care it wasn't about them"

This journal was going to be about my about my childhood rape but I decided not in less the people reading my journals would like to hear about it then I will make another journal stating that or if just one individual I will send them a private note.

So onto the journal this may be a little long and maybe in two parts.

I was born in November 02 1964 and was diapered every day until I was four years old and still was diapered every night until I was about seven due to a bedwetting problem and if you had read the other journal know that I went through several surgeries as a little guy for urinary tract infection which probably caused the bedwetting problem.

Now as being such I was accustomed to being diapered and really didn't want to give those things up and sometimes with wet in mass on purpose in my training pants just to draw the attention from my little sister who was a newborn at that time. Well being four years old and always being the baby and I was later told I was always mom's favorite and yes I was a little mommy's boy right up until the day she passed away I'm hoping she was is in a very nice place and I know she's looking down on me or at least I hope so.

I know it's hard to read my journals at times due to dyslexia, it is why I use speech recognition programs and I don't actually write I talk and my program writes this is why sometimes it takes me a long time to write a journal and a lot effort because I have to look at a few words and read over them and read over them two or three sometimes up to five times to make sure it is what I am trying to say. And even with a speech recognition program such as Dragon Naturally Speaking 12 the one I mainly use sometimes it means words out in parts of whole sentences so I have to go back and reread everything to make sure that it is in their.

Now back on to the Journal I hope this clarifies a little more.

My AB/DL life I was one of those way before I knew what it meant sort of like in the old country song "I was country before country was cool" I mean I always had a strong attraction to diapers and plastic pants diaper pins because back when I was little that's what 95% of kids war which usually meant that kids were usually started potty training at 18 months because parents did not like changing those diapers and having to wash them because we didn't have the nice disposable diapers and the even nicer airtight diaper pails.

I was an exception because of the surgeries I had when I was little and also because I wanted the attention have to be truth which I don't know but probably left me sterile is well. Now moving on; so I always had a strong attraction diapers in which probably led up to being a AB- not so much a diaper lover as I think that particular people like to wear diapers just because they love the feel and use them as regular underwear and not really for their intended purposes other than maybe wetting.

Yes I kind of ramble on in different directions at times.

And my first self diapering experiences was about age 12 and used a regular bath towel and so diaper pins that I had bought doing odd jobs for people because grandma and grandpa did not believe in giving allowances and would not let my mom give any of us kids and allowance their beliefs were a few lived under our roof it was expected of you to take out the trash keep your room clean do whatever homework you were given in school and to keep the yard raked and mode and believe me it wasn't no small yard and we didn't have one or two trees the house was built on for lots and had about 20 trees that I can remember.

So I had to do odd jobs for other people to get extra money or anyone until I was able to get a job. But moving along now, I would not wet or anything in those diapers although I did like the feel of them it wasn't until it was not until much later that I could get my little paws on actual Pampers disposable and no they did not fit but I found it to four of them and for them down the sides of all four of them and back of two of them and the front of two of them and then use double-sided tape or packing tape to tape them all together you had the hour glaze fairly good disposable diaper, but these were still the butterfly folded diapers did not try these glass shaped diapers until, well until they were available.

It wasn't until I found the World Wide Web I found AB/DL websites and led me to Furry's and Babyfurs and to babyfur a Yahoo group OMG that actually fell like a heavy load was lifted off of me and eventually brought me here also led me to AB?DL stores with all things adult baby and believe me it is still out there if you want to look for it, most of you all know about them so I will not list the ones I have bought stuff from but I will tell you it led to finding both cloth and disposable diapers that fit me along with plastic pants, onesies, robbers, shortalls, all link cute nurse print.

Okay that's all I have and it wasn't as long as I thought it would be and I hope you all have read it well this is the little Panda/Pandafox signing off only please comment although you may not think I want to hear your comments here I really do good or bad.

I wrote a journal the other day and I begged comment on it and to read it and I know for a lot of you he didn't like the intro but I had to say that because the subject matter as what it was and I don't think anybody stopped watching and because the journals are going to be very long including bedwetting that time I was raped at 12 years old until I was almost 15 and what I had to go through in kindergarten and the first grade 2 different subject matters there one was wetting my pants school on almost a daily basis in kindergarten and my first real battle with dyslexia in the first grade after that was pretty much sailing until I was just about well maybe a couple of months away but I will leave that for the journals that I will be writing I just wanted to know why no one said anything I am only doing this because a doctor told me to try to open up about certain things in my childhood that may be causing depression.

*******Please read and comment*******

This journal entry is probably going to pretty long as it deals with me from the oldest that I can remember to present-day and pretty much everything in between that I am prepared to talk about discuss in this journal comments section and through private message I also will be activating my Yahoo messenger for anybody who wants to contact me through their, sorry but due to personal reasons I do not think I will be using Skype much anymore but if you really want to talk probably could get me there, I do mean on Yahoo. AT pandr_panda

******* Warning this journal does contain events of getting spanked as a child*******

If you have read the above warning you know that this is going to contain certain events that involve getting spanked as a child I know some of you are up against that and some of you are all for it. Either way for or against I would very much like to hear your comments as long as the key not get vulgar or very rudely written. Those comments may be blocked. Sorry but the only child getting hurt in this is myself.
If you are a parent and you are against spanking your child then that is perfectly okay. On the other paw if you are a parent and you are for spanking that's okay too even though today's society is really totally against it. But also in the same thought if more children in their younger years ( I do not mean under the age of 4) I do not believe any child under that age should be spanked in-less it is a little slap on the hand or handpaw if you are a furry and raising your child to be one. Now my belief if you decide that spanking is proper for offense the child did then you should not ever spank your child why you are mad at them you should take a timeout yourself and cool down and explain to the child why this is happening also should never spank your child out in public that is not something that other people want to see and the embarrassment to the child goes way beyond what ever offense they did to deserve that spank.
I also believe that you should not use anything other than your hand and you should not spank anywhere on the child except for their bottom also should not do this in front of their friends.
Now after saying all of that I hope they do not think I am a bad person I just believe that if more children were properly disciplined for bad behavior we probably would not have as many as them causing crime in our neighborhoods, counties and districts. Just a personal thought whether you or yours or statistics show that. That is totally up to you to decide.

Now moving on. As many of you have noticed the proper grammar is not one of my strong points although I tried very, very hard but I do have an affliction that I was born with and although I have tried very hard to overcome it I have not been able to, so I'm not going to tolerate rude comments about my grammar. I have only blocked one furson here on FA and that was due to a rude comment about Babyfurs being pedophiles. But although I do not want to I most likely will block you posting a rude comment on this journal, I will leave your comment up and I will comment on your comment telling you if I decided to block you are not. And let you decide whether you want to take that comment that. But the affliction that I am talking about is called Dyslexia, and believe me really, really do not want it I have struggled with it my entire life and it is not fun to see everything backwards especially alpha characters and numbers, over the years I have gotten to where I use voice recognition software when writing stuff online and chatting with people and in role-playing, and yes I do get long-winded sometimes during role-play and even with speech recognition software like the one I use Dragon 12 sometimes stuff just does not come out right and I miss it and it does make me sound illiterate, hopefully you can overlook that and please keep your comments civil.

Now all of that being said let's move on to the original reason for this journal.

--The age of 12 months-to-age 4 1/2--
Don't get me wrong but I'm pretty sure this is as far back as I can remember, and a lot of bad stuff happened at this age so I've been told by my mom and my dad finally showed up he just had to remind me about my young childhood, and my aunts and uncles.

I do remember my mom looking down at me with diaper pins in her mouth putting a cloth diaper on me and plastic pants I do remember that vividly now I do not know really if I was that young or not as I was diapered almost to the age of 5 about the age of 4 1/2 so I've been told and I do remember it where most kids don't remember being potty trained and some deny even ever wearing a diaper but we all know that isn't true in most cases, and most parents nowadays begin potty training at or around the age of 2 sometimes a little younger sometimes a little old.

I also do remember numerous visits to the hospital and this was back in the 60s and at that time if you were under the age of 3 you were in a diaper, and I was in there for very bad bladder infections and urinary tract infections which led up to the late potty training in my case and probably why I remember this age I mean when you are in a strange place that is scary and usually strapped down to a crib really don't know why they used a crib but I remember being in one and in a first-generation Pampers diaper I do not know or remember how they felt on me but I do remember my arm being strapped down and all bandage up with an IV in it and and a Foley Catheter in well you know where and running out the leg hole opening of my diaper, it is kind of hard to forget stuff like that even at that age although you really would like to. And that went on about the age of 3 but I am getting a little ahead of myself there was an event at 2-years-old that I remember quite well we were living up in New York somewhere it was farm country because I remember the farmhouse and all of the cattle but these were milking cows and my dad worked for the owner never really seen or remember if I ever got down to the actual place where they milked the cows but I was told that's where dad worked. So mom was doing laundry and I was sitting on a stool watching what she was doing and the laundry machine she was using was one of those with the old fashion wood-roller ringers on it and mom had to run to the kitchen to answer the phone (word of advice do not leave your little one in the laundry room with that type of machine) I decided that I would help mommy I mean I watched her I
knew how to turn the part of the machine on and I was sitting right there so I reached in best I could and unfortunately was able to grab something but wasn't as smart as I thought I was I did not know that you should turn the rollers on first before trying to put something in them so I took the article of clothing held it in my hand and put it up to the rollers and hit the on switch and found out that machines are not friendly as it took the article of clothing and my hand I was able to hit the reverse on the machine but not until it had taken my arm up to the elbow and let me tell you pulling and tugging on one of those things does not work it will not let go of your arm the next thing I remember his mom holding me and she was talking on the phone and then I remember taking an ambulance ride strapped down to the gurney and that I don't remember much more than waking up at home with a plaster cast on my arm I mean I remember them putting me into the ambulance but they must have given me something because I do not remember anything of the them waking up at home.
But that was the younger years the youngest I can remember.

So now moving on to age 4 to 4 1/2 the potty training years I remember this well I remember running around in Gerber style cloth training pants I also remember that we had moved back to Miami and that dad was no longer there, I was told that he said he was going to the store for a pack of cigarettes and never came back I also remember being told all the time by by my grandmother and grandfather and my aunts and uncles that "you are just like your father!!" something I really did not want to hear. Especially the way I was told it.

I do remember having a little kids potty training chair but usually did not make it there but I did have a pair of plastic pants on and they folded up cloth diaper in my training pants as a booster so I usually did not leave a puddle on the floor and if my mom was home and looking after me I usually did not get in trouble for it, but if grandma was watching I ended up with a very sore bottom from a very good spanking across my bare bottom and legs with a belt and standing in a corner with a cloth pin on diaper and plastic pants, and after I was allowed out of the corner I was forced to go outside and play with my cousins and sisters in nothing but a diaper and T-shirt which really did not bother me too much as I really preferred to be in a diaper. Which I think my grandmother figured out as I would just go outside and play and would not get upset over it, so that did lead up to more corner time better spanking and being called "you are such a little baby!!..." over and over again and not getting changed to a dry pair of training pants for a wild also being forced to pull down my training pants and then getting spanked and then having to pull them back up after getting spanked being told what a bad little baby boy I was and again being told I was just like my father, my potty chair was moved to the living room and I was forced to sit on it with a very sore bottom and having nothing on and I think my grandmother found out that I really did not like sitting on things as I remember crying my eyes out every time I had to sit on it even if my mom put me on it I do remember bringing a diaper to my mom wanting her to put it on me and her telling me "you are not a little baby boy anymore you are getting way too old to be wearing diapers wanting me to diaper you" which at the time was confusing because I wet the bed until I was almost 9 years old and had to wear a folded up cloth diaper in my underpants with a pair of plastic pants on over all of that but you do have to remember that this was the late 60s and early 70s and they did not have the stuff they have today for kids who have bedwetting problems.

Okay guys and gals it is way past my nap time and I do need to change my diaper and head off to bed for a little while taking another pain pill and hopefully get some comfort from this chronic neck back and shoulder pain snuggle up closely with Maxwell my beloved and well snuggle teddy bear.

And hopefully I've got your attention and you have read everything up to this point believe me it is hard for me to open up like this, but my doctor says I should open up more about things that are upsetting to me and that are causing my depression and may be that will help better then the depression medication I am taking now, believe me I do try very hard not to take a bunch of medications even pain medications and do not comment saying that my depression is probably coming from wearing diapers all the time because if you do you really don't know anything about being a AB/DL and you should just be quiet.

But please comment I want to hear what you think about what I have written so far.
I will pick this up later on a new journal entry I may even post this over at IB and DA after I have taking a nap :P I don't believe any Baby furry are otherwise likes taking naps :P

I do not know what happened last night because we are talking about cats and is much as I would love to understand fully how they communicate we are all limited.

Smudge is back, actually it seems like he never left I do not know for sure if he got into a fight with Aeryn Son or not or if something just scared him, but I found him hiding inside my couch, earlier this morning I had the back of the couch open because I know that he likes to get up in their and hide sometimes and I figured he was just hiding but I did not see him and I could not feel him and I looked in every hiding spot that I know of inside my house and out on the front porch where he likes to lay and play around at night and I had no sign of him.

This morning I had found that the screen on the door was pushed in like something had tried to go through it or had gone through it, so I do not know if something tried to get him or try to get on my porch and it scared him or if he had a fight with his sister or sisters because it did take a lot of coaching him out from the couch even after I could pet on him and scratches little ears, and I finally got him to come out but Aeryn kept hissing at him and I've never heard her hiss like that.

Also he is all the way out now but he is still on my bed in the back bedroom laying down he will not come out I brought him out earlier and send him on my lap and he jumped down and started to the hallway stopping to get a little bit of water and he did eat some treats earlier because he would not touch the food dish so I brought him some Temptations treats back to him and some water he drank a little bit of the water and heat all of the treats was happy to see that but usually about this time he is outside well out on the porch and he is really not even looked at the Kitty Door which he always lays in front of an stairs out of, he has went back to the back bedroom and laying on my bed quietly and does not really per when I go back there an pet on him, including scratching his ears which he loves.

I will be picking him up in a little bit when it gets darker and walking him out on the porch to see what he does, but I just wanted you all to know that he is back I have found him and everything's okay now.

as a native Floridian and a gay person the tragedy that hit Orlando Florida today sinks deep into my heart, 103 innocent people were shot today and Orlando in a nightclub 50 of them have been pronounced dead the other 53 are now in Orlando hospitals as of this journal 2:22PM 06/12/2016.

Please pray for the individuals affected by this tragedy I am not a religious person but I do ask our community who believe in prayer to pray for the families and individuals struck by this tragedy.

Daniel P. Lowery (AKA) Pandr Panda or Pandafox.

The second part will sound petty after the first.
But... It is a personal feeling and it is weighing heavily on me right now.

My love little boy Smudge is missing pictures seen here
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/16613365/

So yes this is going to sound very petty to the first part of this journal.

Smudge is a Russian Blue domestic shorthaired cat silver gray bluish gunmetal fur and I hope that he is just somewhere safe I have searched all over my trailer park and the roads leading to and from my trailer park, we are right now fixing to have a very bad thunderstorm I have left food and water outside the screened in porch and I am hoping that he is just gotten out and gotten a little lost and will find his way back.

I am so very tired of losing, and I don't really know what are you going to do if I have lost him.

just a little over a week ago I started getting these "tags" in Facebook have been tagged many times before but these were women flaunting their big surgically altered breasts in my face now I know some people go for that but not me sorry even when I was interested in women surgically altered pushed up jumbo size breasts didn't mean shit to me, also came with the tagline "how do you like the" or "I am ready for you".

Those taglines were quickly deleted, and although the person who posted things would probably never read the post I put out there because most of these tags were posted 40 to 80 or more people so I decided to make a post on the front of my page on Facebook saying.

"Okay folks as I want my page here on Facebook remain in category "PG-13" please do not tag my age with any thing referring to sex or sexuality I view that as not appropriate and for now on all tags referring to anything about sex good or bad will be removed, also the poster or tagger will be blocked. Sorry but this is how I feel, this page is viewed by my immediate family and my very good friends so please refrain from posting anything like that on my page."

The first post on my page about that was from someone saying "I respect your wishes, hun"

Was very nice to read something like that and I think you if you are here on FA replying like that means a lot.

I did not even get to finish reading his quote on my post when I got a note that someone else had posted something on my recent post, so I clicked over to read it and it said.

"Then how about you quit the damn diapers."

Had to to scratch my head a little bit about this one, did not understand what he was talking about or she was talking about, was a little bit confused as not of what I said involved anything to do with diapers, also I have never posted anything sexual about diapers on my Facebook page or any page really, may be wrong but if I am please correct me. So I really don't know what this person was talking about, and I went into their page on Facebook and they have 26 mutual friends and most of my friends on Facebook are Babyfurs, so I really don't know what he/she was talking about.

Now I know a lot of Babyfurs like to wear diapers in RL and I also know that a lot of Babyfurs the human side only their character wears diapers they do not, I also know that a lot of us who wear diapers do it for fun and pleasure and also sometimes six, nothing wrong with that and frankly I really don't care what you and/or your partners do behind closed doors is nobody else's business, as long as you are not hurting anybody in the process of pleasuring yourself.

Now myself, I wear diapers because I have to, it is not for sex for pleasure, if I had it my way it would be but unfortunately it is not.

I'm pretty sure all the old journals are still up, where you can read about the many different surgeries I've had in the many different places, or some of you probably remember me posting those journals while still sitting in the hospital bed.

But all in all it was still amazing to hear someone say that on a post that had nothing to do with diapers just wanted people to quit tagging me in a way that I did not like or I thought was inappropriate for my page on Facebook.

Journal was posted yesterday on IB and DA just couldn't post it here because of the work they were doing on the site, thank you very much for getting FA back up and running again.

Most of you all know that I like to cook and most of the stuff I cookies from scratch sometimes taking several hours but I do enjoy it, and anymore is probably all the enjoyment I get so preparing a scratch made spaghetti dinner and having things F*** UP!! on me Pisses me off.

So what I am talking about is last night I decided I was going to make spaghetti for dinner tonight 5/21/2016 so last night I got the ground of these out of the deep freezer and let it thaw out this morning about 11:00am I started browning the beef and putting everything together to make my spaghetti sauce which I let slow simmer all day long until about roughly 5:00pm when I start cooking the pasta, (did not make homemade pasta did not have any eggs and I just did not feel like doing it so I used regular dry box pasta).

Not really a problem but the new cooktop that I have well not new I bought it used Pic Here http://www.furaffinity.net/view/19105803/ for $10.00 should have just rebuilt my old one it needed new sockets for the elements which are $15.00 Each X4 one large burner at $65.00 budget should have gone ahead and replace both of those and the thermostat control switch for one large burner was out do not know how much that would've cost but they're usually a little over $100.00 I can go ahead and pick up a brand-new one Home Depot for $299.00 which I think I'm going to do.

Because after tonight I am so Fracking Pissed Off that I can barely see straight.

The cooktop that I have takes about 45 minutes to an hour to bring 1 gallon of water salted to about the equivalent of the sea to a boil and I mean a low soft boil on high, that is flipping ridiculous although the lower settings on this cooktop work okay but if you can bring water to a boil what the hell good use is it.

But that was not the biggest problem I after I got the first pot water up to a boil call it that I went to dump my pasta into the water and it had bugs in it small black bugs they get into pasta and I should know better I should have my pasta in something that bugs cannot get into it, so I'm going to have to go through all of my pasta which is a lot and check to make sure that nothing else has bugs, because I took them through that out and started a another part of water onto a boil and finally when it got up to boiling I got a another box of pasta down this time I checked it by opening the box and shaking it tapping it on the table and shaking it again upside down to see if anything came out that wasn't pasta, well didn't see any signs of bugs that is until I don't box into the water and yes that box had bugs in it to.

So I was already kind of pissed off because of the first F*** UP I just threw the pot into the sink and gave up on it, is bad enough that I smelled my home cook spaghetti sauce all day long and was hungry as hell and still am and having my friend over for dinner as usual every night he comes over very very good friend, and he likes my spaghetti sauces well you can ask him he will tell you it is pretty damn good.

So I think later on I will open up a couple of cans of tuna fish :P one can for me and one can for my cats cannot open a can of tuna fish and this house unless you are opening one for my cats, fortunately I have like five cans of tuna fish but right now I am just too pissed off to do anything.

My car.

Now that I have the oven installed and working in my house, and working quite well have used it to cook a fresh ham and some other thing also have used it on regular baked and use the connection settings on some other stuff, well I bake some cookies some chocolate chip and white chocolate chip cookies, well I'm a Babyfur what did you expect me to cook?

So now it is going to be buying the tools that I desperately need, for instance I am buying a compact set of hand tools for instance sockets and other things I will need to disassemble the car and reassemble it also some specialty tools to remove and install the harmonic balancer, was looking at renting these tools that I need but it costs more to rent them than it does to just buy them and have them also will be needing some jack stands which I can get at Walmart fairly cheap $27.00 for 3 ton set of Jack stands also buying a compression tester and cylinder leak down tester, just to make sure that they compression and everything on all four cylinders is correct.

Will be replacing, timing belt and water pump, rocker arms and rocker arm shafts with the hydraulic lash adjusters are both intake and exhaust valves may be replacing the camshaft depending on how it looks and how it mike's out when I get down to it being sick cars coming up on 100,000 miles will be replacing the camshaft positioning sensor and the camshaft positioning sensor disruptor.

Also will be replacing the cooling fans assembly which comes with both fans, also all of the belts and hoses as they are original and the thermostat and thermostat housing and the coolant.

And once all of that is done I will be working on the stereo system will be putting in a five channel amp new front and rear speakers and a 10 inch sub woofer for a little bit of base this will also be on a second battery that will be in the trunk. But more on that later.

And you will probably never find anybody who can backup the statements except for my immediate family which most of Passed away now.

I am a musician this is my artwork, for you do not know I am a very good musician started out back in the 70s playing with an old six string guitar nothing special but just mimicking what I had heard on the radio and believe me. In that time all you had was the radio.

((((can you imagine no Internet no cell phones or anything that related to them)))))

This is how we grew up not of this modern-day crap you all have.

A teacher at my school "JFK John F. Kennedy Junior Hi" hurt me one day strumming on a guitar in the music studio that we had there at the school and asked me if I wanted to further my education in musical talents,.. I told him "I only do this because I like the feeling of a guitar rhythm on my fingers" he said to me "there is a lot more to it" it took me a long time to figure out what he meant in my last year there at JFK will probably wasn't the very last part of the year more of my second year there I went back to him and he taught me is much as he could of the Piano.

After that I was enthused and studied it piano throughout summer school which I had to attend :P and took it up the first year of senior high throughout the first year of senior high my musician instructor saw what I was and asked me if I want to join the marching band, but it wasn't your normal marching band this was bag pipes and I did it.

I did it so well that I became the second bagpipes before I dropped out ((((do not ever drop out of school I never will condone that it was a DC vision I may which haunts me still)))).

I was very good at playing the bagpipes so good that I played "Amazing Grace" at my mom's funeral.

After that I burned my bagpipes and my kilt, yes I'm Irish and I had a full kilt. Nothing more needs to be said about that.

Although was a glorious fire.

And I will see her again one day I hope.

I have played around with other instruments but there are some I would love to still get my little paws on.

A steel guitar.
The violin.
And the banjo.

These are some instruments I would love to master although being 51 years old and not having a good income I know I can never afford these instruments, but maybe one day you will hear a banjo a steel guitar or violin and think of me.

I love you all, all of my followers every one of you who has been here with me since the beginning, I cherish you all please carry on and hold your furry heads up high and remember what brought you here to the fandom because that is what's going to bring the next generation here.