It's been quite a while since i did a journal. But this is a very personal Journal, so please hear me out if you can.

I have been suffering in silence because of past mental scars, which I actually have. There have been issues of self-hate and the interests I like have been quietly drifted away due to these Mental Scars. The blocking only makes the self-hate worse. And Real Life got a lot more harder, especially for my Grandma, who now has to move around with a Walker or Wheelchair. I'm trying my best to help her while also trying to better myself since then.

I don't have the Talent for Art. I wish I did, but I sadly do not. I enjoy Art, but I can't make my own. And without a way to commission an Artist, I grow hated of myself more.

Please, do not see this as Guilt Tripping. I'm actually struggling in real life and it's very difficult to Express my thoughts at a time like this.

With My Main OC and an Istrala I made (Due to my Interests from  Ryusuta ) These two act as not Friends, but Family Members. However, My Istrala doesn't Turn My Main OC into another Istrala. It's an Eudaemon in the form of a Good Istrala.

I wish I could mention more, but the last mention is that, my Istrala is more Platinum Blond in Body Color (Not a Shiny Coloring. Just, as if it was a Color.

I rarely do much here, but this is an emergency!

Someone is claiming to be Aaron Peters, a worker who had died from a Tree Removal Accident.

This Person is likely a Hacker claiming to be an Employee working for Nintendo, Flagging Nintendo Content on Steam's Garry's Mod Workshop as well as SFM's Workshop!

Nintendo themselves had no involvement in these DCMA Claims, so someone outside of Nintendo is causing havoc on us that like using Nintendo Content on Garry's Mod and MUST BE STOPPED before this Hacker causes too much damage to the Garry's Mod Community regarding to Nintendo Addons!!

If you know or find this Hacker, please let me know in the Comments below and I'll take note of them and alert those who are not on FA!

Short Journal is Short, but...

Merry Christmas, FA.

I'm not likely to do much, but I now have a BlueSky!

https://bsky.app/profile/radiencech.....on.bsky.social

Link to my bsky is above.

I don't like how I'm not being able to be productive nowadays and I've lost all Motivation to even continue... Nobody even bothers to check on me here on FA and I felt like I'm no longer getting support... I feel like I just want to die and be unheard for all of eternity...


WHY AM I EVEN HERE??? I'm suffering from self-hate and it's getting worse by the day...

Please help me... I can't take it no longer...

I want your honest answer, ppl... Am I not that important on FA? Or is there something that I'm not really seeing here?

(Note: This has no Voice Texts, so you can think of what the Character might be saying in your head/mind.)


Zeraora has been on my mind lately and it's one of my Top Favorite Pokemon. It shares my #1 favorite Pokemon status with Lucario and Zoroark. But lately, Zeraora is my Top Focus. I imagine my Main Character, John falling from an Odd Sickness.

John's only hope is the Energy from the Pokemon, Zeraora. But it won't be easy to obtain such a Pokemon, as Zeraora is considered as a Mythical Pokemon... And in John's Home Region, which is the Unova Region, Zeraora cannot be found...

John's hope to stay alive is dim... as this odd Sickness slowly eats away inside his Human Body... John's Family is in desperate need of a Miracle and Erin, John's Grandfather from the Galar Region, had the exact Energy Supplement of Zeraora Blood, which was a Glowing Blue Colored Liquid. But somehow, this Zeraora Blood was more rare than the Standard Zeraora Blue Color. This Supplement was of a Glowing YELLOW Colored Blood. Regardless, it was still Zeraora Blood Energy. John is rushed the Hospital at his Home in Opelucid City, where Erin and the Doctors and Nurses were to apply the Blood Supplements of Zeraora through an IV Tube and must let the Blood go into John's Body, where he can still keep his Memories of Kindness and other Positive Feeling intact. However, he would no longer be human, as the Sickness was actually an Incurable Disease that can kill a Human's Body, which startles John upon hearing the Sickness's true Act... Still, he allowed the Zeraora Blood into his Body to fight the Disease, even if he is forced to live a new Life as a Pokemon... Luckily, John's Parents are aware of Erin's Idea and they allow it to happen, since they still see John has their Child, even if he become a Pokemon.

The Blood is to flow into John's entire body within a gestation period of, at least, a week (7 days), and John seems to be rather calm, now that Erin had informed his Parents. Aside from this, Erin decided to keep John company while the Blood enters his Body. John's Pokemon, a Female Zoroark nicknamed Crystal, is worried that John will attack after the 7-day period is finished. However, John informs Crystal of what was mentioned and tells her that he'll still remember her as a friend and a Partner, which relieves Crystal greatly. She accompanies Erin to watch over John until the Blood is all within John's Body.

On the 4th Day, John is showing signs of his body reshaping into a White Colored Zeraora, and the Disease is vanishing away quite nicely, but John stays in the Bed within the Hospital to allow the rest of the Glowing Blood to enter his body through the IV Tube. Every now and then, John receives a few Visitors from across Unova, and sometimes he gets Visitors from other Regions, especially Trainers that knew his Friend, the Unova Champion Iris, since Alder retired from being the previous Champion of Unova. However, Iris secretly shares the Title of Champion of Unova with John, since he's very skilled in Battling, even during Practice Matches between Iris's Haxorus and John's Zoroark, Crystal. Both are evenly matched but nonetheless they still share the Title of Unova Champion. But this is just between the two of them.

The Last Day came and John has been fully reshaped into a White Colored Zeraora. The Disease is gone and John shows no negative after effects at all. His Memories when he was Human still kinda linger but all of his Memories of Kindness and his Humanity are still intact. He is relieved that the Disease is gone and his Energy is improved thanks to the Zeraora Blood now flowing through his entire Body. A Soft Smile breaches his face and he's Healthy once again, now as a White Zeraora.

As Erin went to check on his Grandson, he is surprised to see John sitting calmly as a new reshaped Zeraora. Erin realized that the Glowing Yellow Zeraora Blood that he had supplements of were actually from the rarer Shiny Zeraora.

Just a quick Journal saying, "Merry Christmas, my Furs." Hope you guys are having a good Christmas. I... haven't had a good Winter with this stupid Coughing... And I haven't had a good Christmas yet so far. Regardless, good tidings, friends.

I can't take it anymore... No matter what I do, I can't befriend anyone here...
I've been awfully silent and I can't take the Pain anymore... I'm alone... With no friends here... No one to talk to... I'm... nothing... I am... but a nobody to everyone here on FA... No help... No kindness... It's all a facade...

I hate being alone... I hate people who act like I'm an attention seeker... I'm not like that!!! >m< I don't like people calling me out like that! That's just going to make me more depressed!!... WHY AM I EVEN TRYING ANYMORE???...

I don't... want to be alone...I've endured this all irl... And now I can't endure it any longer........

My grandma just told me that my Half-Sister has gotten Covid... I'm scared to lose a Relative from this Virus... Can someone please help me pray for her to survive this Virus?... It's already taking a toll on me and I can't handle the pressure if Covid takes my Half-Sister's life...

Despite Charizard not being in Pokemon Legends: Arceus, I thought of an idea for what if as in... "What if... there was an Alpha Charizard?" My OC, John, is very interested in Charizard, as well as Alpha Pokemon... He also loves Shiny Pokemon, as well. So... I would say that John will get a Shiny Alpha Charizard Form.

The Height of an Alpha Charizard?... 14' 05" A massive Fire/Flying Pokemon...

Name: John
Species: Human
Gender: Male
Age: 32 (But looks 15)
Height: 6' 1"
Weight: Around that of a Middleweight
Skin Color: Light
Hair Color Platinum Blond (Originally Dark Brown)
Eye Color: Unknown (He keeps his eyes closed, but he isn't Blind. Others might mistake this as him being blind.) (Original Eye Color: Blue or Silver)
Top Clothing: Cyan Striped Shirt
Bottom Clothing: White Pants
Footwear: none (Prefers to be barefooted)
Nature: Gentle and caring, but quiet and often lonely (Wishes that he wasn't so lonely)
Personality: Doesn't like to talk, lets his Actions speak for him, and helps those he would consider friends and allies.
Powers: SOUL Eyes (His eyes change color to change SOUL Traits. Red for Determination/Fighting, Green for Kindness/Healing, and so on), Protection over many elements (Including Stomach Acids, being burned, frozen solid, and many others. He is, however, weak to Sound Waves that can break the Sound Barrier)
Likes: Being around others, endo-safe Preds, helping others (and Heroes), resting in the belly of an endo-safe pred after being rescued, resting while being healed in the stomach of an endo-safe Pred, being cared for
Dislikes: death, being alone, evil, being attacked from behind, seeing his friends and allies hurt, hate,
Hairstyle: Short but somewhat covers the eyes a bit

Everyone... I have a very important Announcement regarding Garry's Mod.


Due to the High Frustrations of Garry's Mod Crashing on me multiple times, I'm sadly deciding to Retire from it and move to SFM for Pictures. This change will happen, and I won't be returning to Gmod anytime soon. So please respect my choices.


My retirement date is September 2nd, which is in a few days.


I am deeply sorry that my Activities were decreasing on Gmod but I've come to the conclusion of leaving the Gmod Community and starting fresh in the SFM Stuff.


I might need some needed advice before I can start using SFM since I have little to no experience with SFM in general right now.

Welp! Daz 3D is something that might entertain me if I can figure out how to work it.

If you are an expert in Daz 3D, please lend me your advice and tips as I want to use it to make 3D Art with it.

This Journal is an apology to  AxeltheJackal


I apologize for the outrage... I will have moments like that and I didn't mean to cause such an uproar. I'm calmer now and I'd like to have another chance. Please forgive me, friend... Please don't take it too hard on me... everyone has their moments, so I ask in the friendliest way possible. Can you forgive my actions and allow me to return to your server?

While there isn't much of me doing anything for Pics, I CAN share some interesting Info and Ideas for Stuff. As for this Journal, Someone I know had the Idea of having Deltarune Characters being Pokemon. The term used, though, is "Deltamon".


Kris, as a Pokemon, is a Toxitricity, but it has a different form depending on when he holds a Rusty Sword or a Rusty Shield. Their Type changes as well.

Susie, as a Pokemon, is a Purple-colored Appletun.

Ralsei, oddly enough, as a Pokemon, is, I think, a Fakemon, known as Fleecetyr, whose Type is, I think, Fairy/Dark.

I've decided to do this "Ask Me Anything" thing for the First time. hope it goes OK on the first attempt.

Ask me and my Gieeg OC, Taven, anything.

While I have not played the game known as Changed, I've made up my own Changed FC, inspired by Puro and those of the Black Goo Wolves. His Name is Brown. A Brown Colored Goo Wolf who is actually different than other Goo Creatures. He does not cause Transfur on Humans and is more of a Healing Goo Wolf. He was created by Medical Scientists with impressive Healing Abilities. My Main OC, John, is Brown's Partner and Patient. Brown can engulf John to protect and Heal him, should John take any damage. If it is safe, Brown can release John back into the world to move around. The Mask that Brown wears is made of Powerful Gold Material that the Medical Scientists added to withstand any Damage that is aided at it. This is because Brown is Strong in both Offense AND Defense. And the Golden Mask is Extremely Durable as if it was unbreakable. Not only does his insides heal injuries but his healing touch heals injuries, as well, but not as strong. His entire body is a mobile healing station. He can move, even if there's someone in his Stomach, which is used for Healing and Endosoma purposes.

Something about Vore Day is OK to me... Except this.


I can't do any picture of my Gieegsona, Taven. Despite that Vore Day is a special day in the Furry community, I still prefer Taven's Prey Preferences to be Endosoma and Healing Vore... This will be the same, should Taven attempt the Role of a Pred.

This is a rather short Update but it's a change that I wish to announce. There might be times when I would like to do a type of Vore RP that involves my Characters being in a Pred or Prey Situation. So this is the Update in mind.


"My RP Status is Open, but you'll need to ask me if you're interested. My Vore preferences are Soft Vore, Endosoma, and Healing Vore. I allow Oral vore mostly, but I can go with Anal, Cock, Unbirth, or others, but not all styles are in my interest, like Breast Vore and Bladder Vore."

One of my Characters has a somewhat bad case of becoming stressed due to certain things that bother them on occasion. But when the stress gets too much, they shun away from the Public and try to find a "place" to calm themselves. Usually, by relaxing in a Part of an Endo Pred's Body, be it in a Womb, Balls, Belly, Navel, Butt (if the pred in question has a Storage Stomach in their Butt, it's odd for my Character to relieve stress by being stuffed in a Pred's butt, however, the Pred would need to try and not flaunt and show off so much when my Character is trying to recover from Stress Fatigue.)

The Idea for this is that my Character shares similar levels of stress but is usually calm and kind-hearted due to his gentleness and heart, which shows that he is mainly a person who cares about others, regardless of the Species and Races that he encounters, Since he is, by default, Human. But a Strange Happening occurs and he ends up in the Furry/Scalie Universe.

His name shares my own IRL First name, John. But he isn't a type of Self-Insert in a way. This John represents me if I was a type of Video Game or Fan-Fictional Character. Regardless of being a Human upon his Birth, he has traveled into many Worlds, meeting Video Game, Anime, and occasionally Media Created Characters. Most of these characters have become friends with John, others are against him in terms of their Alignments. Other Characters have interesting and very positive reactions to how John can perform Skills that He normally couldn't do in his home world, which is, In my mind, known as the Real World. John sadly doesn't like his Home World because the Place he lived in wasn't a peaceful and caring Place to stay since the City/Town he lived in wasn't all too nice and friendly toward him because he loves to Play Video Games and wished that he would travel into those Worlds one day. When John was being attacked by some very unfriendly People, he snapped at them out of Pure Frustration and Anger. This somehow startled the People that Attacked him. John was so angry that he somehow performed a very angry Dragon's Roar, which successfully scares the People into fleeing from John. It is from this moment that he realized that he had special Powers that were reflected in the Games that he's played. And so, he learned to control his Powers when they were needed. As he grew up, he continued to learn about his Powers and started gaining new ones as he progressed with his Powers Training through the course of the Years during his time in the Real World.

One day, John was exercising some of his Powers when he suddenly gets snatched by a strange Hand from a Portal, thus begins his official Adventure into the Worlds of the Video Games that he has played and worlds that he has not seen before.

I might make a continuation Journal of John's Adventures, but I might make it in the form of a Story Document or another journal, When I'll do it depends on my mood IRL But I hope to get back into FA Stuff soon.

Until then, I wish you all well. Blessing given. And Good night everyone.

It is my birthday, friends! 32 years old now I'm still alive and kickin'—just a short continuation from the previous Journal.

Just wanting to let everyone know that tomorrow is my birthday.

I might at least try and post something to say that I ain't dead, but it all depends on my mood tomorrow.

This ain't a Vent Journal. Just a Journey about Flammie from the Mana Series. It's a Short Journal, but I found out something about Flammie's Official Gender after finding Information about the large cute Dragon.

For those who had a hard time figuring out Flammie's Gender/Sex, or those who DIDN'T know yet...

I found out that Flammie is, in fact... a Girl. Yup. Flammie is a Female Dragon.

This is pretty much why I got so upset earlier. It was from a Meeting that I was unaware of and I was asleep at the time of the Meeting. Instead of waking me up to do the meeting, they spoke with my grandma. And by the time of Friday (On the same week as the Wednesday that had the meeting) I get wind from my Staff that I go out with that... I have to do 30 minutes of exercise instead of the 15 minutes I wanted before I can go anywhere to eat.


My reaction: SERIOUSLY???


When I got wind of what the Meeting had in store, I literally became Emotionally Sensitive and I didn't want you guys to get wind of it in full detail but I'm breaking my silence on this and revealing that I was Emotionally broken by what was discussed on a Wednesday that the Meeting occurred, only to be notified of it by my Staff on the Friday of the same week as the Meeting... I was Emotionally Sensitive when I heard about the Meeting and I wasn't even aware of what was mentioned that day, but whatever was mentioned was put into effect immediately... Which literally threw me off-guard... This is why I was so angry. You think I was actually yelling at you, but it isn't as intentional as you might think. There's a thing called being "Emotionally Sensitive". It is the effect of Experiencing Emotions more intensely than others. Your emotions are stronger than normal. What I put down above was the start of being Emotionally Sensitive... It is definitely not a good thing to have, especially since I've endured being Dismissed multiple times in the past...

That is IT!!! People continued to make me feel like a damn fucking idiot with Dismissive Avoidant!!! DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND ANYTHING PEOPLE???


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sT4.....U&amp;t=5s

WATCH THE DAMN VIDEO AND SEE IF YOU UNDERSTAND MY DAMN FRUSTRATION ALREADY!!!

DO YOU THINK I'M THAT MUCH OF AN ATTENTION WHORE??? I'M NOT THAT FUCKING STUPID ANYMORE!! I JUST ABOUT HAD IT WITH THIS WORLD BEING A TOTALLY CLUELESS!!!

I MIGHT AS WELL FUCKING DIE IN A LAKE FOR ALL I CARE NOW!!!