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pot brownies mmm (drugs tw)
Posted 5 years agothings are not perfect for me but i sort of wanna come at this in a less negative way than i normally do so. i am going to be getting a medical marijuana card for myself. ive been experimenting with cannabis in various forms since the end of 2019 with varying degrees of success. the best combination for me has come to be more cbd and a touch of thc in the form of edibles. it helps me kick a LOT of the anxiety i have had and isn't nearly as destructive as anxiety medication. obviously it cannot be a permanent solution if i have children but in the meantime it is pretty good for destressing. hopefully in combination with some counseling, i can get things fixed, but, hey, no rush...
it also helps me kick art block, but lemme tell you, i loose a lot of coordination and while i get very inspired, the drawings look baaaad.
just a little interesting tidbit from me. happy pride and blm obviously. im not 100% but take care of yourselves
it also helps me kick art block, but lemme tell you, i loose a lot of coordination and while i get very inspired, the drawings look baaaad.
just a little interesting tidbit from me. happy pride and blm obviously. im not 100% but take care of yourselves
Mastodon?
Posted 5 years agoIf anyone has one, is it worth getting one? I might branch out but I'm mostly curious on what it's like.
Back to the Art
Posted 5 years agoI have one piece I am working on for 
Jackthemacrofox and some small doodles as well. But I needed a long break and I finally got it last week with coronavirus. Then I will be trying to focus again on one project.
No promises, lol. Wish I had some weed to help me focus.
Jackthemacrofox and some small doodles as well. But I needed a long break and I finally got it last week with coronavirus. Then I will be trying to focus again on one project. No promises, lol. Wish I had some weed to help me focus.
Husband Got Laid Off
Posted 5 years agoHello all. My husband got laid off from his job because of the coronavirus social distancing in the US. It'll be a little tight financially but not horribly so. That would only be if I get laid off which is highly unlikely since I work in an essential service (public utilities).
However, I am going to be neck deep in work and unable to talk to him. He doesn't do very well at home alone so if you could please talk to him, I would really appreciate it. He's very kind and easy to talk to. His Telegram is listed in the journal below.
https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/9442733/
However, I am going to be neck deep in work and unable to talk to him. He doesn't do very well at home alone so if you could please talk to him, I would really appreciate it. He's very kind and easy to talk to. His Telegram is listed in the journal below.
https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/9442733/
I have not posted in a long time!
Posted 5 years agoHow are you???? Im a bit tipsy.
weird feelings
Posted 6 years agocw: mental illness, trauma discussion etc
on the surface, we are doing well financially and we are finally in a good apartment. damon and i can pay the bills! IT SHOULD BE AWESOME! ALL THE BASICS ARE BEING MET!
however, im dealing with 40 hours of constant yelling from customers at my job. it's only my kind co-workers that get me through the day. it wears on you being cursed out daily, told you're incompetent, and yelled at over the phone (and sometimes in person).
this alone would be fine but i went back to self harming 2 months ago due to intrusive thoughts. at the same time some other stuff happened in my mutual circle and i guess i never fully recovered. it was my fault though and i essentially learned im not in the place to be a friend with really anyone in the fandom. a
speaking of the fandom, i am also more reclusive due to fear about people hitting on my sonas. listen folks: i can guarantee you that what may seem flattering just makes me feel more distant from my sona and makes me wanna treat them as separate people rather than who i really am. im not even really even sure about my gender identity anymore so its just creating this weird dissociative relationship with my sonas. this isnt here as much as on my husband's posts but it still creeps me out. i feel like my relationship to the furry community is vastly different now than what i ever wanted it to be. im not your big sexy round lovely ladyfur. thats for damon alone (and even he gets that i am more than that). it's not me and i wont primarily produce that content. if like my burr or kami, your compliments are appreciated but please keep it clean and not creepy
more specifically on the mental health, my thoughts are becoming harder to keep track of and im very distractable. i could barely write this journal in a concise manner. i know im getting bad again and it pisses me off because my meds which were great just suddenly stopped working (IDK how that works but it sucks eggs).
i wish therapy and healthcare wasnt so expensive because while we have more money, therapy ain't cheap. im hoping that my upcoming psychiatry appointment helps. i hope something is identified. because at least some good meds would help. because in my mind i dont think i have trauma so bad that my mind is this funky. people have gone through worse and coped better.
but what sucks the most??? is I have started noticing that my loved ine6s6 feels farther and farther away. it's like im watching them through a gossamer veil and i am not really interacting with them. that's scary as hell. what even is that?
bleh
on the surface, we are doing well financially and we are finally in a good apartment. damon and i can pay the bills! IT SHOULD BE AWESOME! ALL THE BASICS ARE BEING MET!
however, im dealing with 40 hours of constant yelling from customers at my job. it's only my kind co-workers that get me through the day. it wears on you being cursed out daily, told you're incompetent, and yelled at over the phone (and sometimes in person).
this alone would be fine but i went back to self harming 2 months ago due to intrusive thoughts. at the same time some other stuff happened in my mutual circle and i guess i never fully recovered. it was my fault though and i essentially learned im not in the place to be a friend with really anyone in the fandom. a
speaking of the fandom, i am also more reclusive due to fear about people hitting on my sonas. listen folks: i can guarantee you that what may seem flattering just makes me feel more distant from my sona and makes me wanna treat them as separate people rather than who i really am. im not even really even sure about my gender identity anymore so its just creating this weird dissociative relationship with my sonas. this isnt here as much as on my husband's posts but it still creeps me out. i feel like my relationship to the furry community is vastly different now than what i ever wanted it to be. im not your big sexy round lovely ladyfur. thats for damon alone (and even he gets that i am more than that). it's not me and i wont primarily produce that content. if like my burr or kami, your compliments are appreciated but please keep it clean and not creepy
more specifically on the mental health, my thoughts are becoming harder to keep track of and im very distractable. i could barely write this journal in a concise manner. i know im getting bad again and it pisses me off because my meds which were great just suddenly stopped working (IDK how that works but it sucks eggs).
i wish therapy and healthcare wasnt so expensive because while we have more money, therapy ain't cheap. im hoping that my upcoming psychiatry appointment helps. i hope something is identified. because at least some good meds would help. because in my mind i dont think i have trauma so bad that my mind is this funky. people have gone through worse and coped better.
but what sucks the most??? is I have started noticing that my loved ine6s6 feels farther and farther away. it's like im watching them through a gossamer veil and i am not really interacting with them. that's scary as hell. what even is that?
bleh
YOOOO
Posted 6 years agoart therapy
Posted 6 years agoso after years I'm finally getting proper therapy
expect some of my art therapy pieces
expect some of my art therapy pieces
art discord
Posted 6 years agohttps://discord.gg/jPyAnn
it's my husband server and its chill
bring your cool vibes and art and we can meditate on the good good ＼ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ／
it's my husband server and its chill
bring your cool vibes and art and we can meditate on the good good ＼ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ／
self dxing?
Posted 6 years agohey y'all, what are you're opinions on self diagnosis, especially with mental illnesses? i remember in my tumblr sphere it was a huuuuge debate.
i personally think a little self dxing is okay, especially if you are dealing with some heavy shit. and sometimes you find that you are right, especially with more common mental illnesses. i diagnosed myself with depression and anxiety waaay before any doctor did.
i personally think a little self dxing is okay, especially if you are dealing with some heavy shit. and sometimes you find that you are right, especially with more common mental illnesses. i diagnosed myself with depression and anxiety waaay before any doctor did.
backlog :/ (part 2)
Posted 6 years agoi have freaking massive backlog of crap but i am not really jazzed to upload it all, mostly because my tastes have changed with the art i wanna make
idk ill probably upload them as scraps
idk ill probably upload them as scraps
a video on my youtube
Posted 6 years agohttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CwrVuxIVfFA
watch at your own risk, im using a mask that is kinda freaky to some people but im putting some feelings out there
watch at your own risk, im using a mask that is kinda freaky to some people but im putting some feelings out there
A Mutual Friend in Need
Posted 7 years agoBecause of the government shutdown, my friend is working without pay. Please give him a look; he does an excellent job with digital paintings and is a hard worker.
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/30210863/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/30210863/
PLEASE HELP MY FRIEND KEEP HIS HOUSE
Posted 7 years agoIf you have the money and ability, he could seriously use your help. He's great at TF stuff, video game art, and a lot more.
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/29948731/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/29948731/
Awesome Art Raffle by Heebjeeb
Posted 7 years agoI love this dude's stuff so if you wanna try enter this art raffle, you won't be disappointed.
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/29574453/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/29574453/
A Wild Update Appears!
Posted 7 years agoI really do mean wild like a random encounter. I was sleeping in on my day off and I wake to the sound of a fire alarm. I was tempted to ignore it because sometimes alarms randomly go off in apartments when someone burns food. But something told me to get up. Lo and behold, I run outside and smoke is coming out the windows of everyone's apartment in the building. Fire trucks are rushing to the scene and have the hoses feeding in.
2 hours pass and they maintain the fire. The issue is electric so it's too dangerous to stay. So Damon and I have to move again. Luckily the apartment is in the same complex but it's not a move we expected at all. Thank God we're safe but we're not happy to move again.
2 hours pass and they maintain the fire. The issue is electric so it's too dangerous to stay. So Damon and I have to move again. Luckily the apartment is in the same complex but it's not a move we expected at all. Thank God we're safe but we're not happy to move again.
BACKLOG
Posted 7 years agomy freaking backlog on art is immense but im so weird about posting art these days, its ridiculous
it has to do with artblock/ my social anxiety right now and it's annoying
anywho just had to say that
it has to do with artblock/ my social anxiety right now and it's annoying
anywho just had to say that
grh
Posted 7 years ago.
artistic slumps
Posted 7 years agowhat do you do when you have them?
The Trouble with Lower Middle Class Apartment Living
Posted 7 years agoPro tip: when moving into an apartment, be sure that your management is not crooked. The first time they deviate from their terms, DOCUMENT IT. Oh goodness gracious document it. They will try all KINDS of messed up legal stuff and if you aren't properly protecting yourself, you will get hurt, financially or in rental history. It's unfair how messed up these people can be when it comes to providing you a home but their ultimate goal is to make money and in the shadier complexes, they will ignore you if you don't do anything to stand up for yourself.
My landlord literally walked today and said, "if you don't complain about pests, we don't know to take care of them." It seems to place the blame on you, but pests will always be a problem when multiple people live in a tight quarters. The reasons my husband and I are struggling
with cockroaches is not because we didn't complain or even because the people below us left without notice and left the apartment in foul condition. It's because the landlords, in the midst of changing leadership forgot to spray out units for almost 5 months. The blame is squarely on their shoulders.
Ignore this if you wanna, I just lifted this rant from my Twitter because I'm worried about a lot of things concerning my move and the money I'll be spending on top of our worsening pest problem.
My landlord literally walked today and said, "if you don't complain about pests, we don't know to take care of them." It seems to place the blame on you, but pests will always be a problem when multiple people live in a tight quarters. The reasons my husband and I are struggling
with cockroaches is not because we didn't complain or even because the people below us left without notice and left the apartment in foul condition. It's because the landlords, in the midst of changing leadership forgot to spray out units for almost 5 months. The blame is squarely on their shoulders.
Ignore this if you wanna, I just lifted this rant from my Twitter because I'm worried about a lot of things concerning my move and the money I'll be spending on top of our worsening pest problem.
update part dos
Posted 7 years agowell well. ive been all over the place this week. packing before i even knew i was moving. but that was a long time coming. it's annoying finding roaches in your food and crawling up your couch. especially when it could have easily been prevented months ago.
anywho, we're moving into a new apartment next week and boy, am i ready. like, really ready, my dudes. we've been saving for this for a hot minute. student loans had to be put off and such.
that's the biggest update amongst many other small details so ill be back and running after my move.
anywho, we're moving into a new apartment next week and boy, am i ready. like, really ready, my dudes. we've been saving for this for a hot minute. student loans had to be put off and such.
that's the biggest update amongst many other small details so ill be back and running after my move.
anybody wanna brain?
Posted 7 years agomine gots some holes! don't want it anymore. XD
PAYPAL USERS/ COMMISSIONERS PLEASE READ
Posted 7 years agoOkay so by next month people are going to start being required to create invoices for their services and this will DEFINITELY effect people who receive payment through PayPal!
Full details are listed in this post:
http://tropesarenotbad.tumblr.com/p.....ging-tos-again
Full details are listed in this post:
http://tropesarenotbad.tumblr.com/p.....ging-tos-again
prayers and good vibes needed!!!
Posted 7 years agoim finally going through with applying to white collar jobs! there's one job that i have all the qualifications for that would pay really well. i hope i get it, but it's also in a very competitive job sector (city government). please, if you believe in prayer, pray that i get this job or something better comes along! im really, really nervous about this, but im excited to finally have a chance to move up!
life is life!
Posted 7 years agoso i guess i feel like doing an update!
damon and I are both preparing to change our careers for long term white collar work, both for pay increases and for more stability when it comes to weekends, holidays, and sick time. but in the meantime, we are saving money to move out of our apartment. man, im thankful i have a home, but this place has management that refuses to fix things and spray for insects. so we have to be on our way out soon and are luckily able to save for it, despite a few setbacks.
the biggest thing for myself personally is that I might need surgery! one that would require opening me up and taking stuff out.
soooo weh! it's a very weird thing for me to even consider such an invasive surgery, especially since damon and i are barely established yet with our careers. but the problem will unfortunately only get worse.
im still processing what all this will mean in the long run but hey! im trying to remain positive in light of it all.
it helps that damon has been really supportive despite being worried and my parents are understanding as well (the type of problem is one that isn't uncommon in my family). so that's a big plus!!!
damon and I are both preparing to change our careers for long term white collar work, both for pay increases and for more stability when it comes to weekends, holidays, and sick time. but in the meantime, we are saving money to move out of our apartment. man, im thankful i have a home, but this place has management that refuses to fix things and spray for insects. so we have to be on our way out soon and are luckily able to save for it, despite a few setbacks.
the biggest thing for myself personally is that I might need surgery! one that would require opening me up and taking stuff out.
soooo weh! it's a very weird thing for me to even consider such an invasive surgery, especially since damon and i are barely established yet with our careers. but the problem will unfortunately only get worse.
im still processing what all this will mean in the long run but hey! im trying to remain positive in light of it all.
it helps that damon has been really supportive despite being worried and my parents are understanding as well (the type of problem is one that isn't uncommon in my family). so that's a big plus!!!
