I have a backlog of art, comin' your way, sorry in advance for the spam ~<3

Hey all! Thanks for supporting all my uploads after another upload day. It really means a lot creating all month at leisure and being able to share it with you all at the end of each month.

Now let's go ahead and get into March Announcements.

Commission Goals and Queue

Thank you to everyone who's commissioned me thus far. I'm completely honored to be able to take a break from the 9hr shifts at my job to create for you! So far my goal of getting a commission each month and filling up my artistree and examples up with completed commissions. Each piece of work makes me feel appreciated and it goes a super long way just faving, sharing, and commenting on my stuff.

My current queue IS empty, but as always you can look at my low priced experimental commission journal OR my discounted commission journal. Still looking to fill out and close slots on those! Progress is pretty quick compared to how my works had been in the past.

That's pretty much all I had for announcements are far as commissions go!

Websites

I've updated linktr.ee with ALL THE PLACES to find me, including a new self-domain website through caard for all of your non-artsite friends!

If you didn't know where to find me and my other stuff Here's a handy-dandy link to all of (well most of) my socials! These websites display my art, places to commission me, and a donation page along with my own website.

I update my caard pretty frequently, so if you're looking for finished works go there! If not, I do post WIPS on my instagram.

Not sure what to do with my Ko-Fi yet... I want to offer monthly subs but I'm not sure what completely I want to offer. IF you have any suggestions, let me know, please. <3

Quick Little Tidbits

Due to an influx of SPAM accounts asking for me to commission them. I've taken it upon myself to use a special phrase/code. For MARCH ONLY the secret code is "Dumb Catgirls".

Aside from that, I've been making it a habit to try to stream more. If you wish to be added to my announcements list for uploads and stream times, please feel free to comment, DM me, or if you have my discord, shoot me a message.

ANYWAYS

That's all I had for our March update <3 Hope to see y'all soon!

General Update

Hey all, as the month wraps up, it's time to show all of you what I've been working on! So ~

Look forward to upload spam ~

Anyways. I figured I would start doing uploads at the end of the month, sort of like a cute lil' recap instead of uploading biweekly. This puts less stress on me to perform. But Trust Me, I've Been Drawing A Lot. And I'm really excited to share it all with you <3

My goal this year is to brush off the dust and slowly start filling all of my examples with client's works. That being said, HUGE thank you to  monster.kyo for filling up some slots! They make some amazing stuff with  LunaricSun , so check out both of their stuff! (If you commission LunaricSun, please let me know, I might do something nice.)

Commission Slots

Slots are still open!

Busts $15

1.
2.
3.

Expression Sheet: $25

1.

Waist up: $30

1.
2.

Full-body: $40

1.

Ref Sheets: $50

1.


IF for any chance you haven't looked at my Original Prices There are some pretty amazing deals there. So please, boost me or even commission me <3

Ko-Fi

Too expensive? That's okay! Because I'm slowly shaking off the dust on my ko-fi and offering exclusive YCH's and themed illustrations! So join the fun, I'd LOVE to have you.

Next month will be my first YCH's and themed Illustrations, so you better jump on board now.



Anyways, thank you for reading! I'll see y'all soon.

Yeah, I know I kinda fell off again. I'm halfway drawing but like... not really.

Sometimes I just get really discouraged with my stuff. Idek. Anyways, I may be posting but
it'll be infrequent. I'm just not feelin' like my art is super amazing Ig? Iunno.

Shouldn't be about views, favorites or anything like that but on the flipside, having people also
see what you do, like it, comment on it, share it or whatever, means a lot to me too, because I
work hard on it.

Anyways, it doesn't really matter too much ^^,, I'm still drawing, just tough finding motivation to
do it frequently, especially with a full-time job and such. This month I'm gonna try getting into thumb nailing
and compositions to rekindle my love for art, and possibly improve more.

Just a lot I guess. This time of year can still be rough on me sometimes, but I'm okay! See y'all soon.

Hey all ~ Just wanted to say I won't be posting this week. It's not that I don't have anything to upload, it's just that I've been taking care of my mental health here and there by going out on my days off.

I want y'all to know I'm okay! And that I'm looking into slowly making art a fulltime career in time.

I'm free to DM's! Add me on my discord: sleepyyghost_ I'd like to chat <3

Responses may be slow and I kind of suck at communicating, but I do my best to respond ^^

Hey y'all. In celebration of spooky month, I've created $10 YCH's! :3
Consider buying or signal boosting, I absolutely love this design and
would love to do a few of these for y'all.

Female Humanoid Mockup: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/53611750/

Female Furry Mockup: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/53611737/

Male Humanoid Mockup: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/53611718/

Male Furry Mockup: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/53611699/

Please request a commission through My Artistree or DM me with your email to request an invoice.

And hey, thanks for reading. <3

Yeah, I haven't posted here for eight months

But I have been actively drawing!

"So where have you been then, Pail :/"

So glad you asked!

General Update:

I have been...around. Honestly, I'm a manager that works 45+ hours a week (just hit my one year anniversary!). So trying to keep up with being an artist while working a full time job is challenging. You know how it goes Ó^Ò. Just a lot on my plate.

I've updated MY LINKTREE filled with my current queue, finished works from said queue and all of the WIPS as well. Check it out sometime!

As far as posting goes, I'll be getting back into uploading a backlog of art every other day! It'll be be through postybird, so if you aren't super active here, I'll be posting on all of my platforms! Due to this I'll be consolidating a lot of mt subject matter (fanart, furry, humanoids).

With that being said, what would you like to see more of art wise? What are some of your favorite pieces I've done? Do you want to see more Wyspers? YCHs? Adoptables? Raffles? Please let me know!

Anyways, thanks for reading. See you guys this upcoming month!


For Commission info, check out my Artist Tree!

Still not sure what you're looking for? Check out my Socials ~ for more examples



Terms of Service:


Artist/Buyer Rights


I as the artist hold the rights to deny, cancel, and refund any commission request received.

Clients are expected to provide a proper reference, that is, full body with no shading at minimal.

A full reference sheet would be ideal.

Any other commission requests referring to any piece with no reference must provide optimal detail and pictures based off the concept they are trying to

convey.

Payment is required up front.

I reserve the right to remove clients from the whitelist/blacklist.

I reserve the right to charge an extra fee at the end of the commission (See Commission Expectations)


To protect clients, refunds are offered based on completion and as followed:


- Not Started/Rough Sketch (Full Refund)

- Clean Sketch/Lineart (50% Refund)

- Colored/Complete (No Refund)



You reserve the right to cancel the commission at any time.

You reserve the right to request fixes to your WIPs (Works in Progress).


By commissioning me, you the client agree to the entirety of this document.


Commission Expectations


Once a commission request has been sent (with references and details), you will be sent an invoice with the semi-final* sales price.

This invoice can be paid within 48 hours or the commission request is void.

If there is a wait list, you will be promptly informed.

WIPs will be sent between every drawing session** in order to give you the most satisfaction from your commission.

*Semi-Final sales price: All pieces are based at $20/hr. Each commission type will have a flat rate which will be honored IF the commission doesn't go over an hour past the completion rate.

Any extra fee will be sent in an invoice before the piece is completed and given to you.

**Drawing sessions as in: Rough Sketch, Clean Sketch, Lineart, Flat Color, any tweak request upon receiving WIP.


Whitelist And Perks


All Commissioners will earn a point towards the tier/perk list.


Tier 1 (Earned by purchasing 3+ Commissions or equivalent of $110)

- 10% off all pieces

- Trusted Buyer status*


Tier 2 (Earned by purchasing 5+ Commissions or equivalent of $120)

- 15% off all prices

- Trusted Buyer status*


Tier 3 (Earned by purchasing 10+ Commissions or equivalent of $175)

- 25% all prices

- Trusted Buyer status*

- Discord access


*Trusted buyer status means you only have to pay 50% of the invoice upon request (If not requested, you are expected to pay full price up front).


Donations, Freebies, and Subscribers

If all Donation goals are met, there will be a raffle for each ko-fi donated*.

Subscribers will get an additional 2 raffle tickets for each ko-fi donated and will still participate in raffle if goals are not met.

*Freebies are granted thru Stream (Fri/Sat Raffle; 3 Chibis for stopping by for {{ U N D I S C L O S E D}} amount of time).



Did I answer any questions? If not, send me a message!

I promise! Some spooky uploads coming up soon.

Image dump incoming on Friday.

Been doing a lot as of late, so thank you for sticking it out with me :)

So... remember this post?

Yeah so...being an energy consultant was full-time/full commission, so I was put in a slum and had to figure out how to get my finances together.

I picked up a full-time job at a call center, hated every second, and went onto another sales position.

As of currently I hit qualifications for leadership and have one person under me that I'm training.

I'm super excited, but because I AM an introvert it has been taking a major toll on my mentally and physically. All days after my shift I just fall right asleep for an unspecified amount of time.

That being said, I'm having an exciting time learning how everything works and growing WITH the business. BUT Due to this, I've been excessively busy and slowing down on everything else, but I'm obsessed with this business and one day I'll be a business owner.

What can you do to help?

BUY FROM ME, I sell internet, cable, and phones through AT&T and DirectTV, quotes are ALWAYS free, please for inquiries use my email: layla.sthomas[at]gmail.com

And thank you so much!

Hey y'all, so I have come across a lil' bit of time to be able to do more art.

That being said, I'd love to start earning a lil' more with my works.

How do YCH's and Adoptables sound?

Any other ideas?

Comments welcome <3

Around.




But in all seriousness, I had recently left a job that was overly demanding for very little payoff. After being yelled at and handled in an unprofessional manner, I ended up quitting.

Before you freak out

I already had realized that I was more than likely not going to stay at the job, the Cons outweighed the Pros:

Pros:
*Great co-workers
*Flexible hours
*Great customers

Cons:
*Ostracized
*Unable to move up to management
*Favoritism
*Unprofessional GM
*Extortion
*Being called in early
*Having to stay late
*Having to come in on my days off


Now for a few of these, it made the environment extremely toxic and unhealthy for my mental health. Due to this, I had two breakdowns, and they ended up giving me a JIJ (Job in Jeopardy) due to me "hurting business", then denied mental illnesses and instead favored more towards me "throwing a fit" because I haven't gotten promoted yet, and that I need a doctor's note in order to have mental breakdowns and have it be okay.

Moving on...


I had recently started working for an Energy Consulting firm, and though it demands ten times more than my previous job, the capacity to grow within the company is far more fair. You will move up automatically after meeting certain requirements. These requirements are only met with you as yourself doing certain things. I'm going to use fancy terms.

You need the x amount of the following to move up within the company:

-LOA's
-LOE's
-Closes
-KwH

That's it. For higher arcs of management, you're required a little more, these include things like running a marathon or skydiving (I'm not joking)

This company essentially wants you to become successful; you're paid for exactly the work you put in, and you are given the tools to help you become successful. The day is yours and you make something of it.

That being said, it's demanding in all aspects: emotionally, physically, mentally.

They're very strict on who stays, because if you don't show you want to really become successful, then you're wasting your team's time. That being said, they're also understanding. The team you are given is close-knit and even if you're out doing your own thing, it reflects upon the others as a team effort.

I've devoted time into learning to hold myself, talk, and think in ways that spark encouragement, bravery and positivity. Though these changes are extraordinarily good for me, it is exhausting in all aspects. This makes it more rewarding.

Without negative events, positive consequences cannot exist.
Without positive events, negative consequences cannot exist.

The path of success is pathed with failure, but those who persist and overcome will look upon these failures with positivity.

And in my own words...

Temporary solutions do not bring permanent happiness

With that being said, I've been extremely busy, but rest assure I'm still here and finding time to still work on my projects, commissions and trades.

And hey, thank you for your time :heart:

Howdy y'all. No idea how to get this started, so I'ma just put it in chunks:

Living Situation: I finally got my own place! My kittens are happy, I'm happy, and in all, it's really calm and is probably a really good choice for me. Thanks to this, I'll find myself being physically active and trying to better my mental health. Getting life started has been rough, but... I'm getting there slowly.

Work: I'd be lying if I told you my current work situation was glamorous. The only things I like about my current work place are my customers, and the work I do. The company I work for boasts Pride Care and Love, but I can tell you that isn't the case for the unit I've worked in. I've been ostracized, accused of lying, disrespected, overworked, and underpaid. Not a good business practice to play favorites. This job has given me so much grief, but I cannot thank it enough for the temperament it gave me, the irreplaceable leadership skills, and the confidence. I loved my job but it just wasn't doing.

Starting January 13th, I'll be an Energy Consultant for an independent company. This will give me more than enough money to sustain myself and my cats comfortably. It's going to be very competitive, as it's goal oriented, team based, and for those who are hungry to move up. I have no doubt I'm a perfect fit, and my interviewer was extremely pleased with how the interview went. I'm ready to seize the day and take up this amazing opportunity.

Art: After I'm in a more stable place, I will actually look into slow-paced schooling. If you haven't guessed, all I've learned up to this point of 10 or so years of drawing is all self taught. What I look to accomplish in art school is time management and basics. I've got a broad idea, but it's time to start piecing it all together.

Mental Health: Yep. Time to dig deep and be completely open and accepting of this. And I'll give you my reasoning in just a moment.

My issues and the affects of them:

Depression (Severe to High Functioning)
- Causes alexithymia: The difficulty of feeling or describing emotions, aka feeling 'numb'

Anxiety

PTSD
-Haphephobia (mild) : The fear or discomfort of being touched or touching others.

Alright, now that that's out of the way...

I've spent YEARS never wanting to admit my faults. Because I felt it made me weak, that I wouldn't be good enough. I made myself my own enemy and ruined such great, beautiful aspects of my life. It took a storm to realize that it's okay to admit to these illnesses, and it's okay to ask for help.

It's a scary, difficult place. Maybe you don't even think you're worth it. For me, I was comfortable with not being made for this world, that people like me were better off dead. All I was ever good for was falling apart and breaking every single thing I care about.

But that's not the case. I look back now and see so many things I wish I could take back. I don't take apologies. I take change. True forgiveness is better gained when you earn it. I see this not as a downfall, but a chance to make it right, and I intend to do that.

It's hard. I'm not gonna lie, it borderline fukcing sucks. There's so much stress and pressure, but as time goes by, you learn to appreciate the little things: friends that say hello, the way the wind sounds when it goes through the trees, hell, you're so blessed to be alive.

So keep your head up. I know it's hard, I know it sucks. Trust me, some days I just want to quit my job, throw in the towel, and just become a hermit. But it's called the present because it's a gift. Build your future, this is yours, you make this, and it'll be amazing if you just keep your head up.

Wait, some of you are actually reading this?

Within this Journal I'm gonna go over benefits for me, benefits for you, and benefits for my business.

Let's start with a brief overview of who I am:

Paylette (Pail-let) AKA Layla [LAST NAME REDACTED], is a 25 y/o illustrator that strives to make a great experience for not only herself but her customers. Her service to said customers is very interactive, WIPs being available at any time as well as open communication for anything that needs to be changed or things that want to be change. She is open to branching out and trying new things and experimenting, there's nearly nothing she wouldn't try (refer to: this).

How does commissioning me benefit me?

By commissioning me, I get to draw your amazing characters and branch out in design, backgrounds, and get to interact with viewers who love my work a little more. Payment is all good and well, but honestly, it feels great being commissioned because I get to see unique characters and neat designs. I love seeing the characters y'all have and their personality translated into my style of art. It makes me want to draw more, because people love what I do as much as I love what I do.

How does this benefit you?

I may have not said this, but the whitelist is for a limited time. This whitelist pays omiyage (look at me using fancy words) to those who loved my work regardless of where I stood in the realm of professional arts. It's my way to say "Thank you" and forever being generous of the people who supported me so early on! It's my way of saying I love you guys, and appreciate you. Think of the whitelist like a very special VIP club, it's exclusive and reserved for the clients that helped me a lot. I will forever be grateful of y'all.

All that gushy bit aside, my commissions are very affordable, and for a decent quality. I'm not saying I'm the best out there by far. There are so many talented artists I get my inspiration from, whether they're a big-shot, or they're also just starting out. What you get from my commissions isn't just a piece of art, you get open communication met with friendliness and understanding, frequent updates and WIPs, and decent artwork for again, a decent price.

My model will always be to care for my clients as they care enough to give me the opportunity to draw their characters.

Don't believe me that I love EVERY character I've drawn?? Money isn't always everything, I've done several trades, even gifts because I loved certain sona's/characters so much.

How does this benefit my business?

My goal by no means is to make a living out of this. Will my prices go up? Sure, but they'll still be affordable and there will always be that open communications with my clients. I do this because I love drawing, would making this a full-time career be amazing? Sure, I guess, but that's also with the thought I would have to worry on commissions to suit my life, and while possible, it is a lot of hard work. So vision-wise, I love the idea, realistically, I draw first and foremost because I love to. Money is a motivator, and you wouldn't blame me if you understood that there are a lot of hours, even days spent to complete a piece. It's a fair trade.

The more I get my name out there, the more I branch out and get to try drawing more characters and challenge myself! The more I get to talk to all of you and get to meet other mutual's or talented artists! It'll make me motivated to draw more, to share my work more, and maybe even open up a small community of my own full of aspiring artists that know that if they're patient and put in the work, they'll get closer and closer to success too.

These reasons are WHY you should commission me.

And now that I've pitched that, if you're reading this, thank you so much for your time. You have no idea how much I appreciate even this.

Much love ~

That strange orange thing that keeps lingering but never says hi

You ever feel like people are watching you? Always? They're expecting a lot from you, making you perform at your best, but it's never enough. Such is life.

I've always been held to an expectation, growing up, present day, and even in my future. I work so damn hard, but I just never feel it's good enough. Maybe the reason for that is because hell or high water, what I did was never enough for my peers, my parents, sometimes my loved ones. I always sought validation.

I wanted my parents to be proud of me.
I wanted to be loved by everyone.

I wanted to be perfect.

My parents were always disappointed, I had to turn to myself, making myself what they want me to be and ended up hurting myself. I became a victim because I never thought for myself. I only ever blended into what everyone else wanted me to be.

I'm breaking away from that.

I'm gonna be great, and if you don't like it get out. The decisions I've made opened me up to a harsh reality, but I can't be weak. I weather those blows on a daily, and it hurts.

When I was told my promotion was being held off? I had been busting my ass to hear that. I broke the second my head hit that pillow.

It was brief.

I knew something even then was changing, and from it I said "Okay." I made a plan and I began to show them MY worth. I rose up to the challenge, not for them, but because I knew I was good, and I was gonna prove them. I won't stop until everyone eats their words.

Even if I have to break down a little, I know I'll be okay.

So y'all know by now, at least I hope, that my raccoon and I broke it off.

It was a heavy decision, and I'm still hurting from it.

But.... As I was re-organizing my folders, I realized that the characters we made together is such a good pair.

I can never get rid of that dumb fox and silly raccoon combo, their characters are close to me, I'm unsure about Reji, but I've devoted so much love into these two characters to the point where I can't retire either of them.

They're dear to my heart.

So will I keep Reji and Payle? Absolutely.

==However==

Since it's a really nasty scar, you won't see much of the pair. Just know that foxes will always love raccoons.
These two have been entwined longer than Reji and I have even been together, I don't ever want to lose that.

So...

Yeah, Reji and Payle will always be a pair, no matter where that adventure-seeking raccoon is now.

It wasn't an easy decision, and even now I worry if I'm making a good one, but my heart is pointing to the direction of 'yes'.

Reji was created by me FOR the actual Reji, they are one of the same.


Thank you

Hey, I'm thinking about opening up bundles on commissions. There'll be two types:

1) Artistic Liberty : Commission based off an idea for a character
Provided in bundle:
**Reference sheet (Example; will provide back pose if requested.
**Bust (Example)
**Detailed Illustration (Example)

2) Regular Bundle : Commission based off of your character
Provided in bundle:
**Reference Sheet OR Waist Up (Example)
**Bust
**Detailed Illustration

Anyone interested??

Artistic Liberty Slots [3]
1)
2)
3)

Regular Bundle [5]
1)
2)
3)
4)
5)

Commission bundles are $30 and you will be put on my white list immediately (whitelist is for commissioners who commissioned +2 or have traded +2 times)

Deadline approximately two weeks to a month.

Commission info found: Here

It doesn't take a genius to know at least a small portion of how messed up I am inside my head. So with that, let's get started.

Self image hasn't been my best friend, and even now I'm only semi-okay with myself. There are a lot of issues, fears, doubts that are just a constant in my head. I'm fighting a war and have no idea what the outcome is.

The physical things I hate about myself are so minuscule, but it means the world to me, and I'm liable to think it's because of my upbringing. More often times than not, my own mother would call me ugly, pointing out little things, whether it was what I wore or if there was a pimple on my face. The only way I could impress her is if she dressed me herself. There have been times in my life where she had denied what meant the most to me because she was so prideful and materialistic.

I'd get bullied at school, for the first 3 years, having guys look at me with disgusted faces (seen with my own eyes). So here's a list of things I don't like:

-My face
-My hair
-My eyes

And that's again only the physical characteristics, you don't even need to know the full laundry list of things that are wrong with me. Yet at the same time, I know a lot of it, because I've taken time for me, tore apart my heart and mind and tried to make sense of it.

I'm far from perfect, I'm weak, pathetic, and care too much about what other people think because I've never had that validation growing up. Now my mind is skewed and it's so difficult genuinely believing any compliment or why anyone would be kind to me. I get scared. I think it's pity, I think that they just don't want to hurt my feelings, but they think terrible things.

I've been burned before.

More than once.

Third Degree paints my body, along with all the scars.

But those burn wounds, those scars, they may look nasty, but they don't define me. I have victim mentality because of the shit I endured, but I'm no victim.

I'll prove my worth.

I'll be better.

And fuck anyone who's ever thought ill of me.

Cause I'm gonna prove them wrong.

I just need a little bit of time...

We start as children, so naive, innocent. Some never break out of that, some never had the luxury to even experience that.

In side with the rape, the molestation, the abuse, I never got to be that, dirt on my knees, stone cold, scars keeping me up on my feet from how cruel the world could be. I weathered it with a smile.

Even if I couldn't keep it, it was all I needed.

Now, you may be thinking it's good to be mature, it's good to grow up, but growing up with learning, and when you've already been put against the world, you grow up too fast. Growth takes time, it's trial and error, you get to that point where the choices you make impact you more than you could ever know.

I cheated.

I thought I had grown up but I didn't. I grew comfortable, complacent, and for a moment I shook off the dust, heat surging through my body, I covered up those scars with my arms wide open.

And I learned.

I tried so hard to keep up the facade of being happy, knowing that I was going on a downward spiral. I tried so hard to push it back, I wanted to live in the moment, let the happiness wash me over that I forgot to think for me.

I have so much love to give. I HAD so much love to give, but I never knew how to love myself. I hid myself away, I said some mean things to myself, beat the living shit outta me. Turned to alcohol, turned to temporary solutions as opposed to permanent solutions.

Temporary solutions don't bring permanent happiness.

And even then I tried to make the choices that everyone WANTED me to make, I was still trying to hold onto all the good things in my life, all of the perfect, beautiful, painful things. I felt ostracized, trying to crawl out of the own grave I dug for myself, cause I needed to be happy, and I didn't care how I got it, as long as it kept what I had.

Sleepless nights, seamless hours, counting the days of my nasty lie.

I made a choice to destroy my life.

I made a choice to fix it.

I'm getting older, I'm looking for permanent solutions. I'll get better, and from one disgusting choice, I hope to build many healthy choices.

I could try to act like it didn't affect me at all but, I'm really scared of the future


I used to stand so tall
They used to be so proud
I couldn't even hide
Myself in the crowd
But somehow it's now when everything's changed
I'm wondering why every day feels the same
I'm searching and looking for something to say
But really it should be "no I'm not okay"
I've been trying so hard to find my escape
But really I don't know how long that will take
Today or tomorrow
I swear in my sorrow
That I could use a smile
That I could share or borrow
But secretly I'll keep it just for myself
And please don't come closer I don't want your help
I'll figure this out, on my own
I'll stay with these feelings at home and alone


Hey y'all. So I was gonna get back into the swing of things. This includes my major project for a webcomic, and Trials and Tribulations.

Unfortunately, I'll be picking up a second job (part-time) or try to until I'm able to pick up my promotion (soon!!).

Long story short, I barely make enough for my bills and the other day I rear-ended a truck. The deductible will cover the repairs for my car and the driver's truck, I only pay a certain amount out of pocket. Luckily I got GAP insurance and my car wasn't totaled. I will be getting it back the 23rd assuming I can pay the deductible when it's repaired.

So Here's What Happened

First off, let me preface by saying, I'm the kind of person that'll sit in a car for a whole 10...15 minutes making sure it's clear before I go, and I wouldn't have gone if I knew I didn't have space. I JUST got out of work, I'm tired, and being trained for my promotion. It's around 1PM, traffic was terrible. So I sit in my car watching and waiting to get into the intersection. When it was clear enough, I turned, however the truck in front of me stopped abruptly. I ran into them and it ended up crumpling my hood, destroying my compressor and A/C. Again, I'm lucky my car wasn't totaled, tbh it looked worse than it was. Most of it was me being shaken up.

That being said, my insurance did cover a rental for $40 a day. The shit thing about that, however... They set me up with a car that had a flat. I drove it for two days and the tire deflated fast. Bad luck, huh.

Yeah, so that happened...

It's not only that. Money's tight as it is, but I'm also missing three days of work for my friend's wedding, having to cram the rest of my videos for promotion, and having to sell some of my stuff. So I'm going to be pretty busy for a while, making sure I'm not going under.

That being said, I WILL be moving into my own apartment after I get that pay raise, but I will have to be wary, because if they don't bump me up at least two dollars or $2.50, I'll have to transfer to another store that will. It's gotten to the point that my GM (General Manager) and a manager that's going to be a GM soon had said their selves "Overworked, underpaid" and "You work 6 days a week." At one point one of my managers asked me "Do you even HAVE a day off?" The answer is no, but to quote one of my managers "That's what happens when you're good at your job."

tl;dr: Shit hit the fan but I gotta keep moving and I kinda hate life because of how stressful things just got. But I'll make it and I'll strive.

PTSD, Depression, and Anxiety are serious
mental disorders. This isn't a call for attention, this
isn't me trying to come off as "edgy". Read on, if you
want, if not, turn away now.

My past I admit wasn't the prettiest one. And to be honest even now I'm having to face things that I never even considered. Let me explain: It took me a while to admit to having PTSD and depression. It took even longer admitting that I needed help. I was given what I got, however and now I have to deal with it.

Growing up, there were actually several instances that affect my present day living, and things I didn't even think of looking into until even now.

Haphephobia - look it up. For a long while I've always had a weird thing with touching. It's not everyone, but I do avoid it, and a lot of it is downright uncomfortable. I tend to stand away from people, even my own best friend. Part of me doesn't think it's too big of a deal, but honestly, physical contact with almost everyone has been taxing and very awkward for me.

Can I really say I have a phobia? Not quite. I can say I'm damaged. The thing about this phobia, however... is that it stems from neglectful parenting and or not getting the affection/attention needed from said parent. Additionally, it also can stem from sexual abuse or sexual trauma.

This is one of the things that affect me from making friendships, and keeping friendships, along with low self-esteem from those who bullied me, anxiety by always having to impress and go beyond, and me being heavily introverted. All of it is a mix to end up lonely in the end, and making relationships hard to keep.

The good thing from not only learning these things about myself but also accepting it, is that it's easier to cope, and if I'm not too scarred, I can alleviate it.

The first, biggest decision I ever made was going to Texas. Leaving everything behind. I needed time to think about myself and who I was and why I was like this. A serious look at myself..

Reason it was so big? I was leaving everything behind. All of my comforts. This means my closest friend and lover whom I've hurt, my home, the family I've gained, my own cat...And although taking a big step out of that comfort was daunting and stressful, I needed it. This was the first step of me healing... because instead of letting my depression get to me, I didn't want to feel ostracized. I wanted to, and needed to, be around people who would look out for me, as Reji's family and friends were for him. I needed that support net and I knew deep down I wasn't going to find that in Oregon.

I needed and wanted that safety net, with people I know, people I can trust, even if it was one, it was better than nothing.

Now I'm striving in that aspect, though in a lot of ways I still fall down. I'm much more social, albeit still a heavy introvert, I've made my own friends, aside from my best friend's and her circle. I overcame, and even though I'm barely afloat, I'm still swimming.

I never wanted my past to be the reason I'm like this. The truth of it all is it is.

I have two options: Either I let it be an excuse for everything wrong I've ever did, or I use it to learn, to better myself, and learn to heal and cope, positively.

Hey y'all. I'm back, just crazy busy.

I just wanted to let y'all know that I made a ko-fi.

Do I expect donations? No

Would I appreciate donations? Yes

Does it matter? Not really, no

Commissions are open again.

Semi-hiatus is over.

Trials and Tribulations will be posted soon-ish

Rejicoon
Remember when we were still so unsure?
When all the things considered weren't possible?
Life wouldn't have us knowing what would eventually be
A fit so perfect that we were skeptical
The bitterness of or pasts clouding what we really are
But why wouldn't we be?
The abandonment and bitterness all too cruel

Now we're bound
We won't let time erase us
Distance won't keep us from each other
Heartlessness and emptiness filled
A bond so honest, no ugliness could mar it

Fragments fitted against the other
Jagged shards like broken glass pieced together
Our steady heart now beating
This life we have will be our last

I am yours and you are mine
Forever and Always

Drawing Coming Soon.

Maybe we'll meet again.