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How I lost the fandom. Part 2: Isolation and lost friends
General | Posted 10 years agoDespite nearly two years residing in the GTA, I have have spent virtually no time with the furry community that I aimed to be a part of when I moved here. One issue is that I never got in the loop, if there is one. I would never find out when their furmeets are. If I knew, I would have been too busy anyway. I've been to three conventions since moving. At the nearest of these, I talked to almost no one outside the party I had come with. My favorite con shut down last year over a lack of will to continue running it, from what I gather.
I stuck with the furs I had already met and the ones they introduced me to; the special group I wrote of in the previous journal. But it was rare to see even those friends. I spent one wonderful weekend with them at Furnal Equinox. I struggled to see them without to someone provide a ride.
As time went on, things began to break down. There were repeated failures in attempts to get together. I often felt disappointed and hurt. Close friends broke up and moved on. Other's found something better to do. The small number of closest friends I had accumulated has only seemed to get smaller since the move to the GTA.
As for the school community, I made no close friends in the first year. My fellow art students were friendly, yes - but they were only there for themselves. I didn't see them outside of school. All but a small few of them were really friendly at all. I met a very interesting person from another arts program in the drawing studio one night. I easily developed a crush on her, but of course, she was in a monogamous relationship. She was one of very few good friends I made that school year, but even that hasn't lasted.
Living on campus, I rarely found time to go out. I had a roommate, but he found himself a girlfriend in the first couple months and stopped living in the apartment. I made friends in the residence at the beginning of the school year, but they didn't stay. The closest friends I made in that building dropped out in the first term. I guess that just comes with being my kind of people. There was a girl living across the hall that I spent time with. I felt like we were friends, we had some fun times. She seemed to stop talking to me by the time winter came around. She practically disappeared. I saw her with her own friends, but I had become an outsider for some reason. If not, that is how I felt. She ended up dropping out as well, then disappeared from my life. Residence became an unbearably lonely place to live.
This, combined with the issues with keeping friends left me extremely depressed and lost.
My special friend (gosh, that sounds like a retrocliche way to say we were having gay sex), mentioned at the end of the previous journal brought me with our partner, who I was developing feelings for, to the local furry summer camp. During that event one continued his angry path attacking everyone involved. Another went out of control on a self-destructive binge. The relationship I was involved with, as well as the one I was developing both broke down. I later struggled to keep a relationship going, but I was trying to control everything and it was destroying me. We put an end to it, and now I rarely talk to furries anymore. I don't really know any.
In the second year - which is the first year of a completely different program - I chose to live off campus, in a room at some Russian guy's townhouse with his girlfriend and their friend. I have barely talked to any of them. Still, it is not as much of a prison as the college residence was. I feel a lot closer with some of the friends I've made in the program I switched to (I'm trying to save that for the next journal). Even so, no one feels as close as the friends I made long ago through the fandom. I have never felt so free with the anyone and I doubt I will ever again.
To be continued...
I stuck with the furs I had already met and the ones they introduced me to; the special group I wrote of in the previous journal. But it was rare to see even those friends. I spent one wonderful weekend with them at Furnal Equinox. I struggled to see them without to someone provide a ride.
As time went on, things began to break down. There were repeated failures in attempts to get together. I often felt disappointed and hurt. Close friends broke up and moved on. Other's found something better to do. The small number of closest friends I had accumulated has only seemed to get smaller since the move to the GTA.
As for the school community, I made no close friends in the first year. My fellow art students were friendly, yes - but they were only there for themselves. I didn't see them outside of school. All but a small few of them were really friendly at all. I met a very interesting person from another arts program in the drawing studio one night. I easily developed a crush on her, but of course, she was in a monogamous relationship. She was one of very few good friends I made that school year, but even that hasn't lasted.
Living on campus, I rarely found time to go out. I had a roommate, but he found himself a girlfriend in the first couple months and stopped living in the apartment. I made friends in the residence at the beginning of the school year, but they didn't stay. The closest friends I made in that building dropped out in the first term. I guess that just comes with being my kind of people. There was a girl living across the hall that I spent time with. I felt like we were friends, we had some fun times. She seemed to stop talking to me by the time winter came around. She practically disappeared. I saw her with her own friends, but I had become an outsider for some reason. If not, that is how I felt. She ended up dropping out as well, then disappeared from my life. Residence became an unbearably lonely place to live.
This, combined with the issues with keeping friends left me extremely depressed and lost.
My special friend (gosh, that sounds like a retrocliche way to say we were having gay sex), mentioned at the end of the previous journal brought me with our partner, who I was developing feelings for, to the local furry summer camp. During that event one continued his angry path attacking everyone involved. Another went out of control on a self-destructive binge. The relationship I was involved with, as well as the one I was developing both broke down. I later struggled to keep a relationship going, but I was trying to control everything and it was destroying me. We put an end to it, and now I rarely talk to furries anymore. I don't really know any.
In the second year - which is the first year of a completely different program - I chose to live off campus, in a room at some Russian guy's townhouse with his girlfriend and their friend. I have barely talked to any of them. Still, it is not as much of a prison as the college residence was. I feel a lot closer with some of the friends I've made in the program I switched to (I'm trying to save that for the next journal). Even so, no one feels as close as the friends I made long ago through the fandom. I have never felt so free with the anyone and I doubt I will ever again.
To be continued...
How I lost the fandom. Part 1: School and my "furry famil...
General | Posted 10 years agoI've been going to college for two years. Don't ask me why. I wouldn't know. I don't know at all what I want to do with my life. I just thought I was supposed to waste my time and money building this chapter of education.
It started off as a plan to get to someone I met online. Unfortunately I foolishly chose to finish high school first. I had to achieve this goal independently because of my previous expulsion. The process was slow at times, but remarkable at others. Regardless of speed, I took too long getting that piece of paper for love to wait around.
Has having a secondary diploma helped me attain employment? I wouldn't know. I had been so defeated from years of failed attempts before I earned that parchment that I didn't try after. I assumed the job market in my home town just sucked; unemployment there is high, the major employers closed their factories and moved. In addition, I felt stigmatized as the kid who got the local highschool locked down; to my own local community, I felt like I might as well have actually shot it up.
Rather than work, I went straight to applying to colleges far from where I was. This was a continuation of the original plan I had before getting dumped. School was a means to go where I wanted to and avoid actually working. Of course this was a bad idea. I deprived myself of real work experience that might have helped me figure out what I really wanted to do for "a living". At that time I was convinced that I wanted to do art and video game design. I got the idea during highschool and I developed tunnel-vision over it.
I have no shame in having been partial to schools in large cities a great distance from my former home. My end goal was to live near to people I identified with rather than far away as I had for years. I applied to one local school only to humor the thought. In a similar way, I applied to a school in Ottawa in desperation that I might still have had a chance with lost dreams. I picked Sheridan not because they are known for their animation department, but because it is in the GTA. I was eager to live near the majority of my friends, who I only knew online or at the conventions.
In the Greater Toronto Area, everyone I knew at this time was a furry. Some were my best friends. Some I had confessed love for. Some I had tried, and received a lack of understanding. There was one in particular that I wanted to be near. He treated different than anyone else would, similar to how I longed to be treated. I felt special with him, I was happy with him. Even having given myself to him as a stranger dealing with a broken heart, I was glad I met him.
This person also did something else for me that other furries could not. He introduced me to new furry friends. Ones that were similar to us, that played the way we did. I was comfortable with them and even happy. I could be myself in a way I never could before or since. A different self, still with the inhibition of fear, but also with the comfort to explore. These were the furries I wouldn't know how to find on my own because I'm too shy and anxious. With these friends I had many new and fantastic experiences.
Next | Latest
It started off as a plan to get to someone I met online. Unfortunately I foolishly chose to finish high school first. I had to achieve this goal independently because of my previous expulsion. The process was slow at times, but remarkable at others. Regardless of speed, I took too long getting that piece of paper for love to wait around.
Has having a secondary diploma helped me attain employment? I wouldn't know. I had been so defeated from years of failed attempts before I earned that parchment that I didn't try after. I assumed the job market in my home town just sucked; unemployment there is high, the major employers closed their factories and moved. In addition, I felt stigmatized as the kid who got the local highschool locked down; to my own local community, I felt like I might as well have actually shot it up.
Rather than work, I went straight to applying to colleges far from where I was. This was a continuation of the original plan I had before getting dumped. School was a means to go where I wanted to and avoid actually working. Of course this was a bad idea. I deprived myself of real work experience that might have helped me figure out what I really wanted to do for "a living". At that time I was convinced that I wanted to do art and video game design. I got the idea during highschool and I developed tunnel-vision over it.
I have no shame in having been partial to schools in large cities a great distance from my former home. My end goal was to live near to people I identified with rather than far away as I had for years. I applied to one local school only to humor the thought. In a similar way, I applied to a school in Ottawa in desperation that I might still have had a chance with lost dreams. I picked Sheridan not because they are known for their animation department, but because it is in the GTA. I was eager to live near the majority of my friends, who I only knew online or at the conventions.
In the Greater Toronto Area, everyone I knew at this time was a furry. Some were my best friends. Some I had confessed love for. Some I had tried, and received a lack of understanding. There was one in particular that I wanted to be near. He treated different than anyone else would, similar to how I longed to be treated. I felt special with him, I was happy with him. Even having given myself to him as a stranger dealing with a broken heart, I was glad I met him.
This person also did something else for me that other furries could not. He introduced me to new furry friends. Ones that were similar to us, that played the way we did. I was comfortable with them and even happy. I could be myself in a way I never could before or since. A different self, still with the inhibition of fear, but also with the comfort to explore. These were the furries I wouldn't know how to find on my own because I'm too shy and anxious. With these friends I had many new and fantastic experiences.
Next | Latest
The seldom touched log book
General | Posted 13 years agoIt's hard to believe it's only been almost 3 months since I received my OSSD. Since then I've done barely anything other than this really awesome portrait of my character. Worthless piece of crap.
I spent a month looking into everything I thought I'd like to do. Most of them were shot down because I would never get hired as they would expect me to cut my hair because employers in law and government are chauvinist pigs. In the mean time I was allured by the inclination to try and learn how make games in UDK. This of course led me back to the aspiration I had years ago to do game development.
I practiced using UDK for two weeks before before my "friend" noticed and reacted with basically 'aww cute, pazzy's trying!'. He then told me I'm not good enough and he's worth so much more than I am because he has a certificate that says so. Obviously the schools agree with him because I could never even get into the course he took anyway. He proceeds to tell me, why don't I just do it as a hobby, like all the other 10 year olds, who are also better than me. Someone else who's actually been employed in it also told me he hated it.
I'm resorting to staying in bed forever. I'll find a shit job so I can move in with Kuprin and be his concubine. I'm not even really important to him.
I still believe that one day I'm going to hurt alot of people.
I spent a month looking into everything I thought I'd like to do. Most of them were shot down because I would never get hired as they would expect me to cut my hair because employers in law and government are chauvinist pigs. In the mean time I was allured by the inclination to try and learn how make games in UDK. This of course led me back to the aspiration I had years ago to do game development.
I practiced using UDK for two weeks before before my "friend" noticed and reacted with basically 'aww cute, pazzy's trying!'. He then told me I'm not good enough and he's worth so much more than I am because he has a certificate that says so. Obviously the schools agree with him because I could never even get into the course he took anyway. He proceeds to tell me, why don't I just do it as a hobby, like all the other 10 year olds, who are also better than me. Someone else who's actually been employed in it also told me he hated it.
I'm resorting to staying in bed forever. I'll find a shit job so I can move in with Kuprin and be his concubine. I'm not even really important to him.
I still believe that one day I'm going to hurt alot of people.
Resurrected Again!
General | Posted 13 years agoLike a bad sequel. :/
It's been several MONTHS since I've even singed on to FA. I have a couple thousand submissions to nuke. I might as well do so.
Chances of me opening for commissions are as slim as they have ever been. I have drawn a minimal amount since I left.
It is the day after Condition Blue. I had the most fun ever there and I am happy I was there. After the con I spent a day with my family to stave off PCD.
Other important news is that as of this month I am a high school graduate. I don't know exactly what I'm going to do next. I am considering college, though I haven't decided what I want to do in the future. I'm going to look into it.
I might make some new drawings. Most concepts simply enter my head, get me momentarily excited and then become forgotten. I thought for a while about creating a satanic theme, then I started writing a back story. I wanted to bring out some nihilism through my character; though I am happy now and don't want to go to dark places.
Obviously I'm not out to serve anyone but myself through my art. I'm still no closer to opening for commissions. I'm not even sure if creating anything is in my future. I don't even worry about pleasing anyone with my work; I am happy when people like it though.
It's been several MONTHS since I've even singed on to FA. I have a couple thousand submissions to nuke. I might as well do so.
Chances of me opening for commissions are as slim as they have ever been. I have drawn a minimal amount since I left.
It is the day after Condition Blue. I had the most fun ever there and I am happy I was there. After the con I spent a day with my family to stave off PCD.
Other important news is that as of this month I am a high school graduate. I don't know exactly what I'm going to do next. I am considering college, though I haven't decided what I want to do in the future. I'm going to look into it.
I might make some new drawings. Most concepts simply enter my head, get me momentarily excited and then become forgotten. I thought for a while about creating a satanic theme, then I started writing a back story. I wanted to bring out some nihilism through my character; though I am happy now and don't want to go to dark places.
Obviously I'm not out to serve anyone but myself through my art. I'm still no closer to opening for commissions. I'm not even sure if creating anything is in my future. I don't even worry about pleasing anyone with my work; I am happy when people like it though.
Post FE journal
General | Posted 13 years agoFurnal Equinox was this weekend and I managed to make it there! :)
I had a blast, it's great to meet all the furs and hang out and party and dance and cuddle! I made some really nice new friends and met up with some old ones. It was awesome, especially because its in Toronto. I started feeling great just coming into the city. :) It's like the third time I've been there ever. Heading there from SWO its like everything slowly gets bigger and then I'm in the greatest city in the world. I loved hanging out with everybody. Thanks to everybody I met there.
I had a blast, it's great to meet all the furs and hang out and party and dance and cuddle! I made some really nice new friends and met up with some old ones. It was awesome, especially because its in Toronto. I started feeling great just coming into the city. :) It's like the third time I've been there ever. Heading there from SWO its like everything slowly gets bigger and then I'm in the greatest city in the world. I loved hanging out with everybody. Thanks to everybody I met there.
Yet another update
General | Posted 13 years agoI have a room, spoke to someone the day after the journal I posted over a week ago. I was upset about the two previous arrangements being duds but I gave it a third try.
Roommates unless something happens:
90ozkr 
vinniewolf and 
innocent-fox
See you there if nothing goes wrong.
Roommates unless something happens:
90ozkr 
vinniewolf and 
innocent-foxSee you there if nothing goes wrong.
Apparently I have TOO MANY FRIENDS
General | Posted 14 years agoWhat?
Everybody knows raccoons are the awesomest. That's why the other day I added a link to the raccoons page to my profile info the other day. It shares my love of the coonies with the commonfolk.
At the bottom of my profile info you'll see a list of my favorite fur friends for the commonfolk to see. Later I discovered that adding the new icon put me one over the limit. Now, at the end of my friend list it simply says quinnfoxicon, rather than his icon.
I was like "Oh no! I have too many friends! D:"
Removing something would be lame, so I'm going to leave it the way it is. Now when the commonfolk visit my profile they will see that
quinnfox is one friend too many.
:D
Everybody knows raccoons are the awesomest. That's why the other day I added a link to the raccoons page to my profile info the other day. It shares my love of the coonies with the commonfolk.
At the bottom of my profile info you'll see a list of my favorite fur friends for the commonfolk to see. Later I discovered that adding the new icon put me one over the limit. Now, at the end of my friend list it simply says quinnfoxicon, rather than his icon.
I was like "Oh no! I have too many friends! D:"
Removing something would be lame, so I'm going to leave it the way it is. Now when the commonfolk visit my profile they will see that
quinnfox is one friend too many.:D
Journal update
General | Posted 14 years agoI feel bad about not posting an update to my journal from November. It sort of ended on a cliffhanger as related events continued after I posted it.
I decided that very day, in fact, to give the hospital another try. I went in at around 4 in the afternoon. Was relieved to find the emergency room empty (what other feeling can you really have about an empty emergency room?). Walked up to one of the nurses and showed her my old orange card, asking her "Can you do anything about my old ass health card?" She explained that that isn't one of the services they handled, but directed me to go to the license bureau in town and talk to them about it. It seemed like the nurses were expecting me to say something else, like the card was just a front and I was really there for some embarrassing problem. That wouldn't be me, if I had something to really be there for I would just be like "listen lady, I lost the banana." I mean, these are nurses, they've seen shit.
I made it to the Service Canada place in time before it closed and asked them. They were pretty helpful about telling me what information I needed to bring them. So I went back home with the intention of finding all of the requirements. One piece was still an issue but a very good fur friend advised that I try with what I had, and a reasonable substitute. I returned the next day, and after a bit of a wait, they accepted it and had my new card made. I got it in the mail a week later. :)
My sister, unfortunately caught wind of my suicidal rant, and decided the best course of action was to flip out like a fucking psycho. Unable to tell her "It's over. My problem is taken care of! Now go back to your life and leave me alone like you normally do!" I just sat there and took it. I realized that she is right in a way. I have to think of my family, I can't hurt and betray them by taking the easy way out and leaving them with my PSYCHOPATH OF A FUCKING SISTER.
Later on in time, I learned that she had a major fight with my aunt and cousin. Part of the argument being about the fact that she objects to certain Halloween pictures I posted on my facebook. (I wore a vampiress dress.)
Christmas was alright. The whole family was expecting a shitfest, but it turned out good. Got some games, been wasting time on them.
Now that my I.D. issue is taken care of, I intend to be at Furnal Equinox this year! :)
I still haven't officially registered, but I will be there. :D
I decided that very day, in fact, to give the hospital another try. I went in at around 4 in the afternoon. Was relieved to find the emergency room empty (what other feeling can you really have about an empty emergency room?). Walked up to one of the nurses and showed her my old orange card, asking her "Can you do anything about my old ass health card?" She explained that that isn't one of the services they handled, but directed me to go to the license bureau in town and talk to them about it. It seemed like the nurses were expecting me to say something else, like the card was just a front and I was really there for some embarrassing problem. That wouldn't be me, if I had something to really be there for I would just be like "listen lady, I lost the banana." I mean, these are nurses, they've seen shit.
I made it to the Service Canada place in time before it closed and asked them. They were pretty helpful about telling me what information I needed to bring them. So I went back home with the intention of finding all of the requirements. One piece was still an issue but a very good fur friend advised that I try with what I had, and a reasonable substitute. I returned the next day, and after a bit of a wait, they accepted it and had my new card made. I got it in the mail a week later. :)
My sister, unfortunately caught wind of my suicidal rant, and decided the best course of action was to flip out like a fucking psycho. Unable to tell her "It's over. My problem is taken care of! Now go back to your life and leave me alone like you normally do!" I just sat there and took it. I realized that she is right in a way. I have to think of my family, I can't hurt and betray them by taking the easy way out and leaving them with my PSYCHOPATH OF A FUCKING SISTER.
Later on in time, I learned that she had a major fight with my aunt and cousin. Part of the argument being about the fact that she objects to certain Halloween pictures I posted on my facebook. (I wore a vampiress dress.)
Christmas was alright. The whole family was expecting a shitfest, but it turned out good. Got some games, been wasting time on them.
Now that my I.D. issue is taken care of, I intend to be at Furnal Equinox this year! :)
I still haven't officially registered, but I will be there. :D
The single most important drawing tutorial on the internet.
General | Posted 14 years agoI found this:
https://www.guardian.co.uk/books/ga.....ies-simone-lia
Bunnies! Now go draw some bunnies! :D Yay!
https://www.guardian.co.uk/books/ga.....ies-simone-lia
Bunnies! Now go draw some bunnies! :D Yay!
Birthdays
General | Posted 14 years ago
zijjhEven I think I've gone off the deep end.
General | Posted 14 years agoSo last night I almost had some kind of break down. I felt like this giant pile of angst or something. I had spent the entire day doing absolutly nothing other than eating all the food in the house. I've been seriously thinking about frying myself. So after going on a tirade of facebook about the negative effects of "daylight saving time" (because it really is a stupid fucking concept! You cant just move time and make a 25 hour day and then act like you've altered time and everythings now an hour before is used to be, thats not how the clock works! this shit causes depression, confusion and car crashes! look it up!) I ranted about what I'm gonna do to myself if i cant fix my id problem. You see, the government of ontario is a little nazi loving homophobic racist misogynist so they gave everyone in the entire fucking world EXCEPT ME new health cards with photos on them and left me with their ugly fucking orange one that looks like it was printed in 1949 and probably doesnt even work because thats what socialism is REALLY LIKE. I tried to make them replace it with the new one but they were like NOOOOOOOOO </fucking darthvader> because they have to ask me to get one before i can get one. so ppl tell me to go to the hospital and get them to tell me to get one but, i'm not just gonna walk into a hospital and be like, HAY FIX MY CARD PROBLEm. Like first of all theyre gonna thing i'm annoying and disruptive, then they're gonna berate me. I don't wann go into a hospital thats where sick people are, I'm gonna go in there and come out with the same ficking problem +SARS. So i decided to try it once, several months ago, and after walking clear across town to get there i went into the emergency room and it was full of people and half of them were kids and their all looking at me and i know for sure theyre all little trailer trash hicks thinking homophobic shit like "maybe he lost the banana" so i left. Now i wanna go to a certain convention that will require me to have some kind of photo id and theres nothing i can do short of getting my license and I'm thinking 'hay, I havent done it in the last six years why start now?' so at that point i went to bed.
Sleeping problems and tyrannical nonsense
General | Posted 14 years agoMy sleeping hours are fucked. Last night I laid in bed from 2 a.m. until 5 or 6; awake. I should have given up and just did something especially since i hate my own thoughts. I don't get up past noon anymore. Today I didn't until 1.
Some random douchy looking douche laughed at me from the passenger seat of some car yesterday. I think that person should get out of my country if he doesn't like what I'm wearing. If people like that had their way, we'd live like Afghanistan. Everyone dressed in the same 'I'm the guy that tried to have a sword fight with Indiana Jones' outfit! Women would be objects with no rights (not that mister laughydouche would have a problem with that). They would be made to wear sheets with eye holes cut in them. Not black like they wear over there, white, because the KKK would have a prominent position in our society. If we lived in this driveby patronizer`s ideal world.
Yesterday I read about some cockroach of god saying it's disgusting to tell gay kids their anything but immoral. I think it's disgusting to continue to allow christians to think they are moral. It's time to put christians in a closet and stop letting them feel better about destroying freedom in the name of their personal beliefs.
Some random douchy looking douche laughed at me from the passenger seat of some car yesterday. I think that person should get out of my country if he doesn't like what I'm wearing. If people like that had their way, we'd live like Afghanistan. Everyone dressed in the same 'I'm the guy that tried to have a sword fight with Indiana Jones' outfit! Women would be objects with no rights (not that mister laughydouche would have a problem with that). They would be made to wear sheets with eye holes cut in them. Not black like they wear over there, white, because the KKK would have a prominent position in our society. If we lived in this driveby patronizer`s ideal world.
Yesterday I read about some cockroach of god saying it's disgusting to tell gay kids their anything but immoral. I think it's disgusting to continue to allow christians to think they are moral. It's time to put christians in a closet and stop letting them feel better about destroying freedom in the name of their personal beliefs.
I'm taking free requests right now! For free!
General | Posted 14 years agoI have decided to open for requests for free sketches now. :D
I'll start with 5 openings. Get one while you can!
Comment here or note me with a description of what you want. (Please note I've never drawn any porn before and I won't do certain things)
You can also contact me at pazzix[at]hotmail.com
Once again, they're free and I'm awesome so get them while their available!
FREE SKETCH SLOTS:
neex - finished
zeir - finished
lardo - finished
macoot - finished
danadragonpaw - finished
I'll start with 5 openings. Get one while you can!
Comment here or note me with a description of what you want. (Please note I've never drawn any porn before and I won't do certain things)
You can also contact me at pazzix[at]hotmail.com
Once again, they're free and I'm awesome so get them while their available!
FREE SKETCH SLOTS:
neex - finished 
zeir - finished 
lardo - finished 
macoot - finished 
danadragonpaw - finished Returned from Condition: Red
General | Posted 14 years agoThe convention was great! :)
I had an awesome time and met lots of furs. Some I've chatted with online for years. It was great to finally meet them, and pretty much all the furs at the con. :D
I had an awesome time and met lots of furs. Some I've chatted with online for years. It was great to finally meet them, and pretty much all the furs at the con. :D
Month of expenciveness
General | Posted 14 years agoI've spent way way too much money this month. >.< I spent the weekend in Sarnia and bought a tablet since I've wanted one for like 5 years now. This week I went shopping in London so I've already spent like $200. Still Next week I will have to pay for a ride to Sarnia, then to Condition and again to pitch in for the hotel room. No idea how much I'll spend at the con.
At least I finally have the tablet i should have bought years ago. I'm going to have to not spend money next month.
At least I finally have the tablet i should have bought years ago. I'm going to have to not spend money next month.
Update; Going to Condition Red
General | Posted 14 years agoSince my last journal I have made it down to one credit away from my highschool diploma. The English 4C is still slow and annoying. If I can focus on it however, I can finish it soon. I am also practicing many things, playing video games way too much and enjoying my new awesome social life. New places, new games and new friends
This week I went to the Sarnia furs Canada Day furmeet. It was super great!
I am also going to Condition: Red in London ON. this month. It will be my first fur con.
This week I went to the Sarnia furs Canada Day furmeet. It was super great!
I am also going to Condition: Red in London ON. this month. It will be my first fur con.
Sarnia furmeet
General | Posted 14 years agoSpent the weekend in Sarnia to meet up with zeir while he was visiting. He organized an awesome furmeet. Met Sarnia furs, they're so awesome! Had a really great time.
Feeling lots better. Hope there's more to come!
Feeling lots better. Hope there's more to come!
What makes me an emo/a**hole. The reason I am jaded
General | Posted 14 years agoToday I found out that on top of the couple weeks of co-op I have to do I STILL have to finish the English 4C. So I am probably not going to be ready to ditch this worthless hellhole next month like I said I would. This ALWAYS happens. Always.
I have wanted away from here for 5 years. I have been trying to be an active part of this fandom for half a decade; I want to be, and no furry gives a fuck because I'm just not. No matter how hard I try it will be just out of my reach for my entire existence and furries treat me like I am worthless because I am not there.
Every time I think I'm close some bullshit forces me to stay in a place I would feel no remorse to see obliterated in a nuclear explosion. This has taken everything away from me, I watch others move across the Province and brag about how much fun they have at the parties. The furs that liked me drift away into some exclusive clique, or just stop liking me. I had my heart broken by a selfish prick who has everything I ever wanted.
I have learned that the only way to be happy is to be a selfish asshole. I am entitled to everything I want, my happiness is a right. I am the only one that matters; anyone that doesn't want me or care about me is ignorant trash.
I am sick of the world beating me down and forcing me to stay alone. Life this way is not worth living. This is why I hate society. This is what makes me what I am.
I have wanted away from here for 5 years. I have been trying to be an active part of this fandom for half a decade; I want to be, and no furry gives a fuck because I'm just not. No matter how hard I try it will be just out of my reach for my entire existence and furries treat me like I am worthless because I am not there.
Every time I think I'm close some bullshit forces me to stay in a place I would feel no remorse to see obliterated in a nuclear explosion. This has taken everything away from me, I watch others move across the Province and brag about how much fun they have at the parties. The furs that liked me drift away into some exclusive clique, or just stop liking me. I had my heart broken by a selfish prick who has everything I ever wanted.
I have learned that the only way to be happy is to be a selfish asshole. I am entitled to everything I want, my happiness is a right. I am the only one that matters; anyone that doesn't want me or care about me is ignorant trash.
I am sick of the world beating me down and forcing me to stay alone. Life this way is not worth living. This is why I hate society. This is what makes me what I am.
Attention watchers
General | Posted 14 years agoHello lonely watchers.
This week I finished with the program I've been in since December. I have been incredibly busy between that and my last few high school credits. I'm not finished high school yet but I am close, I hope to have my final credit at the end of this month.
Now that the program is over and I have my free time back. I've been planning a new art project to get me back here. Going to create some things I didn't bother trying in the past, I will also remake some of my older, least impressive work. Working on learning to play instruments as well, I want to record some cover songs if I can.
If anyone's still watching me let me know. I am aware that I am probably the least relevant furry that ever existed at this point but I will come back. And I'll show what makes me better than the "real artists".
This week I finished with the program I've been in since December. I have been incredibly busy between that and my last few high school credits. I'm not finished high school yet but I am close, I hope to have my final credit at the end of this month.
Now that the program is over and I have my free time back. I've been planning a new art project to get me back here. Going to create some things I didn't bother trying in the past, I will also remake some of my older, least impressive work. Working on learning to play instruments as well, I want to record some cover songs if I can.
If anyone's still watching me let me know. I am aware that I am probably the least relevant furry that ever existed at this point but I will come back. And I'll show what makes me better than the "real artists".
I've not gone far
General | Posted 15 years agoI'm still here, and by here I mean this town. I never got away and I doubt that I'm ever going to. I'm still doing the correspondence, stuck on my last english course. Last year I started building up my resume, but it doesn't help in a place like this. I've also been making money through government funded programs and have quite a bundle saved up now.
Its been a long time since I did anything on this site. I don't draw anymore and I don't want to. According to everyone I've asked I cant make anything but shit anyway. Though I could now afford the tablet I once desperately wanted, I don't care about it anymore.
All I've ever wanted is gone. The happiness I once thought I could have is lost to me. Even as I've seen furs do exactly what I dream of and leave me behind to rot.
I'm not living for any real reason anymore, but I'm going to continue what I've been doing for the last year. I might finally leave this place one day, but by then I will be so cruel and jaded that no one will want to know me at all.
Its been a long time since I did anything on this site. I don't draw anymore and I don't want to. According to everyone I've asked I cant make anything but shit anyway. Though I could now afford the tablet I once desperately wanted, I don't care about it anymore.
All I've ever wanted is gone. The happiness I once thought I could have is lost to me. Even as I've seen furs do exactly what I dream of and leave me behind to rot.
I'm not living for any real reason anymore, but I'm going to continue what I've been doing for the last year. I might finally leave this place one day, but by then I will be so cruel and jaded that no one will want to know me at all.
Dear "the owner", FU2!
General | Posted 15 years agoLike 10% of my 200+ favorites have been deleted. :/
Update Journal ...hope I still have watchers :(
General | Posted 15 years agoHi there, I'm around again to make an update..
I am still on hiatus, working hard on school still, or trying. Finding a job isn't working. I am moving to Ottawa in September, that's all I'm waiting for now.
I'm sorry I don't draw anymore. Not creating makes me feel worthless. I hope to start again some day...
In September most likely. For now I will continue working, I will be done soon, but that's what I thought 3 months ago.
Maybe I could post some random stuff into my scraps every now and then...
I don't know...
Hope my fans still like me.
*Hugs all of my watchers.*
I am still on hiatus, working hard on school still, or trying. Finding a job isn't working. I am moving to Ottawa in September, that's all I'm waiting for now.
I'm sorry I don't draw anymore. Not creating makes me feel worthless. I hope to start again some day...
In September most likely. For now I will continue working, I will be done soon, but that's what I thought 3 months ago.
Maybe I could post some random stuff into my scraps every now and then...
I don't know...
Hope my fans still like me.
*Hugs all of my watchers.*
Three month update
General | Posted 16 years agoSo last night I finally finished my English correspondence course. I have about five days free before I go bring it back to the high school, and pick up my next and final course to get my HS diploma! :D May have it before the year is over. :D
I might post a new pic in the next week. I've had it sitting next to me in various stages on incompletion for two months. The problem now is my mouse broke, and the finishing touches and additions I want to make in Photoshop cant be done :(
Last month I got rid of my Wii, I was tired of it sitting there, doing nothing, having no games that interest anyone anymore. I traded it, and the games I had, for an Xbox 360 Arcade, and some good games. I don't have Live gold yet, but eventually. Add Pazzix on Xbox Live if you want. :)
Next week I'll have my Xbox and TV moved back into my room next week, along with my computer! :D I'll be online constantly and maybe finish art faster or something.
Two months ago I joined LiveJournal, posted like three journals on it and then left it there. It's at http://pazzix.livejournal.com/ if you want to friend me there.
That's all for now, i shall journal again in another 3 to 40 months/years.
*Hugs his watchers and vanishes into the alleys of the city.*
I might post a new pic in the next week. I've had it sitting next to me in various stages on incompletion for two months. The problem now is my mouse broke, and the finishing touches and additions I want to make in Photoshop cant be done :(
Last month I got rid of my Wii, I was tired of it sitting there, doing nothing, having no games that interest anyone anymore. I traded it, and the games I had, for an Xbox 360 Arcade, and some good games. I don't have Live gold yet, but eventually. Add Pazzix on Xbox Live if you want. :)
Next week I'll have my Xbox and TV moved back into my room next week, along with my computer! :D I'll be online constantly and maybe finish art faster or something.
Two months ago I joined LiveJournal, posted like three journals on it and then left it there. It's at http://pazzix.livejournal.com/ if you want to friend me there.
That's all for now, i shall journal again in another 3 to 40 months/years.
*Hugs his watchers and vanishes into the alleys of the city.*
Don't delete things that are in my favorites!
General | Posted 16 years agoI hate you! I hate you! I hate you!
If I knew who you were I'd unwatch you and/or never +fave your stuff again!
plz don't delete things that have faves, I hate seeing that "submission has been deleted" big X thing in my favorites and others ppls favorites. It's totally lame!
If I knew who you were I'd unwatch you and/or never +fave your stuff again!
plz don't delete things that have faves, I hate seeing that "submission has been deleted" big X thing in my favorites and others ppls favorites. It's totally lame!
Things I've been doing instead of drawing
General | Posted 16 years agoI started picking up pencil and paper every how and then again, lets see how long it lasts this time. Here's some other things I've been doing over the months that I allow to distract me from art, which is far more important.
Jumping around and singing to my favorite music. (I do this way too much)
Playing videogames.
Finishing highschool very very slowly.
Browsing the internet.
Reading way too many blogs.
Chatting on IRC because a skunk once brought me there and I've been stuck there ever since Thanks allot Skunk.
Walking around town at 1:00-4:00am
Going on welfare.
Taking up my own form of satanism.
Also, last night I learned that Universal may be working on a new Jurassic Park movie. Yay! Finally! I've been waiting years. It's gonna be awesome. I love Jurassic Park.
Maybe this time they'll finally realize how awesome of a survival horror game it could make as well.
Jumping around and singing to my favorite music. (I do this way too much)
Playing videogames.
Finishing highschool very very slowly.
Browsing the internet.
Reading way too many blogs.
Chatting on IRC because a skunk once brought me there and I've been stuck there ever since Thanks allot Skunk.
Walking around town at 1:00-4:00am
Going on welfare.
Taking up my own form of satanism.
Also, last night I learned that Universal may be working on a new Jurassic Park movie. Yay! Finally! I've been waiting years. It's gonna be awesome. I love Jurassic Park.
Maybe this time they'll finally realize how awesome of a survival horror game it could make as well.
