For once I'm in a city, where I belong. I'm staying at my sisters place for a while, in a city not too far away from Wallaceburg, but not too close.
I've always liked this city alot. I really want to figure out how to stay in it. I'm gonna try an find a job here.

I did allot of stuff this week that I don't do anymore, hanging with my friends. Having some good fun. One thing I didn't do is draw :( or anything else productive.
Last week I suddenly started doing stuff I'm sposed to to get beyond this towns shitty highschool. I upgraded my work level to half assed, rather than none at all. I started making plans to ditch this worthless town and go somewhere else, to a city like I want to be. Then I gave up on it, there's no point to trying to escape. Then I turned really emo again.
Hanging with my friends all week helped.
Sometimes I come up with some ideas for what I want to draw, but when I'm not even doodling or making random sketches, it feels so pointless. Like everything else.
I'm gonna die here, I don't know why I bother staying alive at all. Other than I'm following basic instinct that tells me to survive.

Why is it that I see furries get into the fandom and from it they all get friends and mates and free art of their characters, yet what I got was a bunch of arrogant male bitch pot-heads hating me just cause I exist, and even less reasons to try to escape the shithole I'm trapped in.
Maybe its just more proof that, society even in its subcultures of nutjobs and outcasts, wants me to kill myself.
hahahaha

Have you ever had a piece of artwork planned that you wanted to be absolutely perfect? Cuz I do. and I've been starting it slowly. Its gonna take like months. I want it to be finished now :(
And its an idea i had at least a year ago too.

(Oh, and its the most emo of all the emo pics ive ever emo'd)

Its hard to focus on practicing drawing, theres too many distractions and other things that I also have to do. And the internet has too much porn.

So, I was mess'n around the other day playing with and trying to figure out layers in Photoshop.
I made this with one of my oldest and favorite artings and a picture I got off google images for a background.
Check it out
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/i.....eapertower.jpg

What do you think of it?

I have this feeling. I haven't felt it in a long while. But its my favorite feeling in the world, and I feel it right now. It feels similar to the feeling of taking a walk with a friend on a lazy summer afternoon. But I'm alone, and it's cold outside.
My thoughts aren't happy, my thoughts aren't sad, or angry, my thoughts aren't optimistic or pessimistic, they are somewhere in between, in a world of reason and understanding.
And its the only feeling that truly helps me feel productive.

I know this feeling won't last, It always fades away. I really wish it wouldn't. I want to feel like this forever, and there's no drug that can synthesize this.
But I'm glad to feel it again. It makes me happy to know that I can feel something like this without drugs, without love, without god or religion. That I can just feel this way, free and needless.
I'll try to keep it as long as possible. But it will leave me, and I'll return to a place full of confusion and misery. It leaves faster if try to find a way to make it stay.

I've had an account on deviantART for 10 months but never used it for anything. So last night I decided it was time to finally upload my art there and use it.

My profile is here: http://pazzix.deviantart.com/

If you can remember me/like my art, feel free/obligated to watch/fav my stuff. :3

Hey there.
Good news, I didnt forget my FA password!
Does anybody remember me? ...no? ...I'm that awesome raccoon that you cant remember why you're watching, but please don't unwatch me.

I used to post art here like once a month but I've stopped drawing now cuz I dont like most of my stuff and it takes me forever to come up with an idea that I feel is worth trying to draw.
...maybe I'll get back into drawing.. I dunno.. maybe I'll write a story, I remember being pretty good at that over a year ago.

..Speaking of things that happened over a year ago, I just realized that I joined FA like a year ago
...and Ive only posted like 11 things.. is that good or bad?

Nothing interesting has happend to me over the last month. Nothing interesting ever happens to me.
...What kind of stuff happened to you guys while FA was down for its month of summer vacation?

..I have to come up with some total nonsense to post in a journal. But recently I haven't been able to come up with anything dumb enough to post. And my birthday journal has been up on my user page for almost a month.
..Yesterday my Mexorean friend Pogo was at my place and we sat around, and laughed at everything, absolutely everything. (A Mexorean is what happens when you cant figure out if someone is from Korea or Mexico.) We talked about allot of things, like how darwin rocked his world, and things you learn at boot camp. Also how floppy disks no longer have any use.. but their still really floppy.
...After that he went back home to Mexoreo.
And remember, 'Roger Whittaker'.

Wow, this may be the dumbest journal I've ever written.

I need to start drawing more. But I can never come up with good ideas.

..I'm 19 now.
I can drink legally now cuz Canada is cool like that.
..Just thought id tell you all this useless information.

Can I have cake?

I've got to tell you about this dream I had today.

So, apparently I'm working for the mafia. I don't know how I ended up working for the mafia, or what it is I was doing for them, but it must have been important. I was meeting with the Don, ingeniously portrayed by Sean Connery. (I've got to find out who selects the cast for my dreams.)
The Don was very unhappy with me, I guess i betrayed him or something. He was taking another guy and myself to a meeting. We must have been somewhere in Scotland, or maybe Ireland, it was pretty, mountainous, and there was this castle. I remember when I looked at a tower I had a thought about a fiery death love scene.
The car stopped in some kind of covered bridge, made of stone, but there was no water under it, only a long way down a cliff on either side. The top half of the walls ..had no walls, just stone pilers, so that light could go into the tunnel. After we got out of the car, Connery told us that this is where we will die, and that we were going to kill each other.
Connery handed me a sawed-off shotgun, he handed the other guy some random American street thugs pistol (I dont actually know much about guns.) Then he told us to get against the ledge so that we would fall over after we blew each other away. Of course the wall was actually a bit too high for either of us to fall over, even after being shot. Unless he planned on picking us two inches off the ground and pushing us, (which he might have, after all he is Sean Connery,) his plan wasn't going to work.
The Don told us to fire at each others hearts. (Im not sure if there was sposed to be something poetic about it, but i dont think there was.) So, standing at point blank range, I pointed the shotgun at his chest approximately where his heart should be. He did the same with his pistol. (I cant be certain why he gave him a pistol and me a sawed-off, I guess he wanted the other guy more dead than me.)
I looked the guy in his eyes and said "fire on three." Then I started counting.
When I reached three we fired (I almost hesitated but then realized it would be stupid to, since i don't even know the guy) and of course, in the fraction of a second between my shot and his, his arm moved from my heart to my shoulder. I took a step back noticing that he missed horribly.
I saw that apparently, one shot to the heart from a twelve-gage isn't enough, cuz he was still breathing. I gave him another shot to the shoulder as revenge for his crappy aim, then a third to the head before I fell over.
Im not sure if the other guy actually went over the ledge. I was on the ground from being shot. Though I've never actually been shot, I'm sure the way it felt in the dream was totally inaccurate. It felt more like being stung by three angry wasps in the same area, then being punched in the same area (possibly to kill the wasps, or maybe the puncher was just being a dick).
I was quite pissed off at the other guy for missing at point blank range. I looked up at Connery and asked him what he'd do now. He looked down at me and said something along the lines of "its your lucky day" before getting in the car and driving off. I stood up and took off my hoodie to take a look at where id been shot I don't remember seeing it, I woke up at that point.

I liked that dream very much ..my dreams are rarely that exiting. =)