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Posted 4 years ago[redacted01]
[02] COMMISSION JOURNAL
Posted 4 years ago==============================================================
PART 0 – TL;DR:
For anyone who just wants to know, I have these base commission templates:
Unspecific Commission = 60$ + 30$ per extra character;
You give me a general theme and basic character traits like age and gender, but the specifics are up to me (random character).
Situation Commission = 90$ + 50$ per extra character;
For very specific scenarios that I have to be precise with, but the characters can be random and up to me (you can pick age and gender).
Character Commission = 105$ + 60$ per extra character;
I draw a specific character based on given reference, and you tell me a general theme, but the specifics of the situation are up to me.
Specific Commission = 135$ + 80$ per extra character;
Characters are provided and referenced, and the situation is also a very specific scenario given by you, and I have to be precise with everything.
HOWEVER, my prices can be very dynamic, trying to be fair to each given commission and its needs.
For the full specifics of the prices, make sure to check below.
That said, there is no need to worry about all that, I have a spreadsheet calculator so if you tell me what you want, I can tell you the price!
The information below is mostly for clarity and transparency.
If instead you would like to pay me hourly, it’s just a flat rate of 20$ an hour (fractions taken into consideration).
Only recommended if you trust me, as I will not show progress without being paid the elapsed hours up to that point.
I keep track of every minute I spend on a drawing, as you can see by those numbers on the top-left of the drawings I post.
This can be cheaper or more expensive, but will definitely be more fair to me.
I ALWAYS CHARGE IN USD.
BE SURE TO CHECK THE TOS AT THE VERY BOTTOM.
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PART 1 – PRICE CALCULATION:
1-a) Elements in the drawing:
•The background (characters and objects in the background are way simpler and somewhat faceless with little or no detail).
•The situation itself and idea behind the drawing (interactions, poses, vibes).
•Characters or detailed objects (things that are the focal subject of the drawing).
The price from these is modified by whether the elements are complex or simple, and by how much freedom I have over the idea.
Simple things that are up to me will be cheaper. Specific scenarios with specific characters in complicated poses will be more expensive, as it takes a lot more work.
For quick examples, here is a break-down of the templates mentioned above:
Unspecific Commission: You give me a general theme and basic character traits like age and gender, but the specifics are up to me (random character).
Background = simple random = 15$;
Situation = complicated random = 30$ (+20$ per extra characters);
Characters = random = 15$ (+10$ per extra character);
TOTAL: 60$ + 30$ per extra character;
Situation Commission: For very specific scenarios that I have to be precise with, but the characters can be random and up to me (you can pick age and gender).
Background = simple random = 15$;
Situation = complicated specific = 60$ (+40$ per extra characters);
Characters = random = 15$ (+10$ per extra character);
TOTAL: 90$ + 50$ per extra character;
Character Commission: I draw a specific character based on given reference, and you tell me a general theme, but the specifics of the situation are up to me.
Background = simple random = 15$;
Situation = complicated random = 30$ (+20$ per extra characters);
Characters = referenced = 60$ (+40$ per extra character);
TOTAL: 105$ + 60$ per extra character;
Specific Commission: Characters are provided and referenced, and the situation is also a very specific scenario given by you, and I have to be precise with everything.
Background = simple random = 15$;
Situation = complicated specific = 60$ (+40$ per extra characters);
Characters = referenced = 60$ (+40$ per extra character);
TOTAL: 135$ + 80$ per extra character;
1-b) Complexity, detail and artistic freedom:
Here is a list of each possibility for the background, the situation and the character types, and how much each of them add to the total:
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•BACKGROUND:
FREE$ - No background or abstract background:
Alpha channel or solid color.
15$ - Simple random background:
Everything in low detail and lower effort. Details up to me.
I take inspiration from the general idea given, but come up with it myself.
20$ - Simple SPECIFIC background:
Everything in low detail and lower effort. But you specify the details.
You can tell what you want and where like the configuration of things, even if it’s still simple in quality.
40$ - Detailed random background:
Can include shading, many background objects, faceless background characters a lot more detail.
Still totally up to me in how I place things and where. The general theme comes from the drawing’s idea.
50$ - Detailed SPECIFIC background:
Can include shading, many background objects, faceless background characters a lot more detail.
You can specify many details of the background. For when a specific background matters a lot for the idea and you want control over it.
80$ - Extra-complex random background:
Very complex and intricate backgrounds, or putting the same level of detail on the background as a character would get in the highest quality.
Usually for very scenic pieces that are background-only, or extra-detailed schematic backgrounds showing a lot of information.
But everything is still up to me, the way all of that detail is organized.
100$ - Extra-complex SPECIFIC background:
Very complex and intricate backgrounds, or putting the same level of detail on the background as a character would get in the highest quality.
Usually for very scenic pieces that are background-only, or extra-detailed schematic backgrounds showing a lot of information.
But you get to decide how everything is organized, where everything is and what it should look like.
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•SITUATION:
FREE$ - No situation:
If you want, the character can just be standing there doing absolutely nothing. The pose is very simple and boring. THIS COVERS REFERENCE SHEETS.
10$ (+5 per extra character) - Simple random situation:
Camera angle or perspective is simple. Poses are simple. Character interactions are simple. Nothing tricky.
I decide what those are, based on a given general theme. If you want to describe what is going on, pick specific instead of random.
15$ (+10 per extra character) - Simple SPECIFIC situation:
Camera angle or perspective is simple. Poses are simple. Character interactions are simple. Nothing tricky.
You tell me what those are, and what goes where, as long as it’s still simple. Describe the specific simple scenario you want.
30$ (+20 per extra character) - Complicated random situation:
Poses, character interactions and camera angles can be a lot more complicated, with trickier, more dynamic configurations.
I still decide what those would be, based on a given general theme. If you want to describe what is going on, pick specific instead of random.
60$ (+40 per extra character) - Complicated SPECIFIC situation:
Poses, character interactions and camera angles can be a lot more complicated, with trickier, more dynamic configurations.
The usual commission scenario, where you describe the idea in full. For when you want a more specific scenario where all details matter.
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•CHARACTERS / OBJECTS:
FREE$ - No characters and no objects:
This is for background-only pieces. Important to note that something like a car collection or a spaceship would not count, as each individual vehicle would count as an individual “character”.
5$ - Basic characters/objects:
Low detail basic characters, typically things like “anon” characters, stick figures, simple slime/tar/blob monsters or simple creatures like larvae.
Simple-looking anatomy lacking in any details.
Gender, genitalia can be specified freely. But age only as rough approximation.
15$ (+10 per extra) - Random characters/objects:
For normal detail, but looks and design are up to me.
You can still specify age, gender, genitalia and maybe species and body type (though it’s up to my interpretation).
For objects this can also apply, more ornate than background objects, but still my design.
20$ (+15 per extra) - Described SPECIFIC characters/objects:
Normal detail, and you can fully describe what you want them to look like, but without giving image references.
You can create characters, and this can be used for creating reference sheets (along with no situation).
30$ (+20 per extra) - Internal SPECIFIC characters/objects:
When you want me to draw MY OWN characters. This is for people who liked a certain character in my drawings and wants to see more of them.
I have to be comfortable with that character in that situation, though.
Asking for the character to be me or Kat grants the other for free (I like when we are a pair and balanced, you pay for one you get the other as bonus).
Gender, genitals, age, species and body type might vary depending on the character (they can be for me and Kat, we can be anything).
60$ (+40 per extra) - REFERENCED characters/objects:
The more typical commission. For when I need to follow a given reference and it’s not my own character.
In order to protect myself, sending me references has a little fee (more on that later).
•PARTIAL CHARACTER DISCOUNT:
When a character or focal object are not seen in full, it can have a discount. If I don’t have to draw their whole body, I don’t charge their whole body.
Here is a rough example of how it is priced, since this stuff can be complicated and it’s hard to tell the value of what is and isn’t hidden:
75% (25% off)
If a lot is showing but not everything, generally more than half the character, or the face and a bit less. This makes it 25% cheaper.
50% (half price)
If not a lot is showing but still important. Just head and face would go here. Focus on chest + belly would apply. Entire rear and legs would apply. Things like that.
25% (quarter price)
For specific body parts on their own, not much else showing. Examples are like just the breasts, just the soles, just the butt (no bits), just internals of the mouth or internals of other parts and so on.
Conjoined or multifur characters with multiple limbs, heads and torsos might trigger this for the extra parts, but it can be complicated.
To be decided on a case-by-case basis if valid.
NOTE: Discounts do not apply to the reference fee.
NOTE: Discounts apply over the combined character + situation price.
•REFERENCE FEE:
I’ve had a hard time with being exposed to things in the past, and it’s not exactly optimal for me to be open to seeing random images.
One wrong image could ruin my week!
So this is a form of protection, to make sure only people who are committing to the commission send me stuff.
The price is 10$ for showing me a reference sheet that I’ve never seen before.
These are ONE-TIME fees, meaning that once I’ve seen a character or image, I’ll save it in a folder to use as a reference for the current or future drawings.
You won’t have to pay this again if you commission the same character after I’ve seen the reference, unless you want to show new references or new drawings.
1-c) Variations in quality, sketches, lineart, non-complete drawings and so on:
So far all prices have been for a full-color drawing of minimal shading (my normal), but it can go cheaper in lower levels of quality, effort or completion (or higher if you want more effort than usual).
If you care more about the idea than you care about it looking like a pristine artistic piece, and you’re on a budget, this can help a lot.
The calculation comes on top of the TOTAL SUM drawing elements, like a general percentile modifier.
So just take the price it WOULD have been and multiply by the percentages:
Samples of each of those quality levels will be found IN THE COMMISSION SHEET WHEN I FINISH IT (ask me for samples for now).
As an example, let’s imagine a 200$ commission:
300% - Extra Shading (very high-quality shading and details, full-color). Price increases to 600$.
200% - Decent Shading (decent shading and details, full-color). Price increases to 400$.
100% - Minimally shaded (very simple shading, full-color). Price stays at 200$.
80% - Flat colors or lineart (colors are for free due to my workflow). Price lowers to 160$.
60% - Detailed sketch (unfinished but good effort). Price lowers to 120$.
25% - Sloppy sketch (very basic and messy). Price lowers to 50$.
75% – Detailed Doodle (decent quality but done in a more doodly style with more freedom and less commitment). Price lowers to 150$.
50% – Basic Doodle (good for concepts that are less visual). Price lowers to 100$.
20% - Scribble (good for concepts that are less visual, can look wonky and silly). Price lowers to 40$.
10% - Low-quality scribble (still works for kinkier fetishes but can look extremely stupid). Price lowers to 20$.
1-d) Different versions and completion of existing drawings:
I also accept commissions for completing drawings I’ve left unfinished, or creating alternative versions of a drawing or situation.
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•COMPLETION:
Just a simple subtraction of the existing piece’s hypothetical price (if it was commissioned under the current prices) from the hypothetical price the update would have had if it was a stand-alone commission.
As an example, imagine there is a sketch you want me to make into flat colors. Take the price the sketch would have costed (based on number of characters and complexity of situation), and subtract that from the price the flat colors would have been.
That’s the price of the new level of completion.
Completion should not give you any control over the piece, UNLESS you commissioned the original piece as well.
If you want that control, the whole thing should be calculated with the final piece being SPECIFIC, while the subtracting piece isn’t, which would make it more expensive.
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•VERSIONS:
Versions work similar to completion and are based on how much needs to be changed.
Most of the pricing is automatic, given that my prices are already based on what is being created. Versions would just be additional creation.
Minimal changes:
FREE For very minimal and easy changes (such as change in dialogue, simple color changes, removing fluids, removing haze, changing color of fluids or haze, hiding backgrounds), granted that you are commissioning or have commissioned the original piece.
If the original piece was my idea, or someone else’s commission, then I would charge a fixed fee of 5$ for removing/hiding and 10$ for changing.
This is just a buffer against it being totally free for someone to request changes to existing drawings randomly.
But again, if it is YOUR OWN commission, then you pay NOTHING for these little changes.
Significant changes:
For changes that need to create something new (instead of just hiding things or changing colors), the pricing is only an addition based on the pricing rules discussed so far. Whatever needs to be added will follow the price as if it’s an extra thing.
As an example, for alternate versions where the background stays the same, it is not charged as one of the elements. Only what chages.
If you need a character’s lower half to be redrawn (maybe you want them without pants), then you only pay for an extra “half-character”, according to the PARTIAL CHARACTER DISCOUNTS, which would likely be 75% of the total price the character would have had.
If you only need something like genitalia of one gender swapped for the other, than that’s the quarter-price discount (25% the price of that character).
The quality modifier then applies on top of that.
If you only want your alt-version to be flat-colors, it will get the flat-color discount on top of the partial character discount (assuming your version doesn’t require a full character re-draw).
This doesn’t work if I don’t have that version of the original (if I skipped sketch or shaded the color layer). This is rare, so I’ll let you know if it’s the case.
Feel free to ask for your specific case, but depending on what you want to change, or what you want extra, it can be calculated from the systems so far.
Complete alternate versions / extra panels:
Of course, this means that if you want EVERYTHING to be different, then it works as a whole new piece.
I don’t like charging less just because two things were commissioned together, since that doesn’t make sense in my head (I provide discounts in other ways, which are time-independent), so even if pictures are part of a “set” or sequence, they all get charged individually.
The same goes for comic panels. Each panel is like a sequence of another panel.
However, if anything is re-used, then it is not charged again. If the background doesn’t change, you only pay for the background once.
If an object keeps being re-used (and doesn’t have to be re-drawn), you only pay for it once.
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PART 2 – REWARD BONUSES / DISCOUNTS:
The bonuses are meant to compensate the somewhat expensive price of my commissions, rewarding recurrent commissioners in the long-term.
When certain milestones are reached, they return 5% of their value as a bonus that can be used as a discount. This can result in free commissions.
This bonus is accumulated automatically with the total money spent on me (I keep track), and can be used whenever you feel like. It never expires.
2-a) MILESTONES:
•200$ = 20 bonus: For each 200$ spent on me you get a 20$ discount to use on anything.
•1000$ = 100 bonus: For each 1000$ spent on me you get a 100$ discount to use on anything (plus previous ones).
•5000$ = 250 bonus: For each 5000$ spent on me you get a 250$ discount to use on anything (plus previous ones).
•25000$ = 1000 bonus: For each 25000$ spent on me you get a 1000$ discount to use on anything (plus previous ones).
•100000$ = 5000 bonus: For each 100000$ spent on me you get a 2000$ (plus ALL previous ones).
2-b) REPETITIONS:
BONUSES COMPOUND! It is also VERY IMPORTANT to note that you KEEP HITTING THE MILESTONES, OVER AND OVER AGAIN. FOREVER.
So if you spend a total of 200$, you get the 200$ milestone for the first time. But as soon as you reach a total of 400$, you get it again, accumulating an extra 20 bonus. At 600$ you reach 60 bonus, and so on.
The milestones also do not interfere with one another.
At 1000$, you get both milestones, accumulating 100 bonus from the 1000$ and another 100 bonus from the five 200$ milestones, for a total of 200 bonus.
At 5000$, you get all three, so 250 bonus from the 5000$, and another 1000 bonus from all others, accumulating 1250 bonus of bonus as soon as the 5000$ mark is crossed.
2-c) USES AND SPENDING:
These bonuses function as discounts for anything you may want. If there is a 750$ commission you’d want, and you have saved up the bonus, you can get the entire thing FOR FREE!
On the other hand, if you want to use only part of it, you can do so to get extra versions, or quench details in a given commission, to make it cheaper.
It’s up to you.
On spending, treat the bonuses like a piggy bank. More bonuses will come as you continue to spend money on me, and it will only get better, but once the bonus is spent, it’s like the piggy bank goes down in money.
This does not interfere with earning more bonuses, as the accumulation of bonus is automatic from the REAL money spent on me.
Bonuses can also be spent immediately. If you have spent a total of 950$ on me, and then get a commission that puts you over 1000$, you can use the 100 bonus instantly, in that very commission, to add extra characters or have more control, if you want.
This means that you could get a 250$ commission just by paying 50$ if you’ve accumulated 950$ on me.
I keep track of all of this, of course. It really is as simple as checking all the invoices, summing them up, and then calculating the quotient for each category, summing it all up.
Your total bonus balance will always be that formula minus the bonus SPENT.
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PART 3 – RULES, ALLOWED THEMES:
Given my weird and uncomfortable situation with trauma and stuff, there are quite a lot of things I’m NOT willing to draw.
This goes over some of that, and other things you shouldn’t do when commissioning me.
3-a) HOW TO APPROACH ME
If you want a commission, PM me about it.
Feel free to already have what you want there along with an agreement to the TOS if you wish.
If you need to send any references, please discuss it BEFORE sending.
If I need to see new references, that has a fee for exposing me to things I haven’t seen before.
The fee for me seeing things will be sent first, and I will expect payment on those before I even look at the references.
Only then I will send the invoice to the actual commission (this is to protect myself).
The communication should be about what you want me to draw, and how it’s going.
I might provide a discord contact to commissioners who prefer it, but agreement to the TOS must be done in PMs.
3-b) RULE 34
I changed my mind, I’m willing to do this now, but it might not go super well.
ONLY LIMITED TO BIGGER FRANCHISES (no asking for a random indie creator’s characters).
I should also point out that if the source material fits the stuff I would have an issue with, there is a very high chance it will bother me enough that I will refuse, so avoid darker franchises.
Please understand that doing it too on-model might be very difficult. If you absolutely need it, consider paying me by the hour so I can take as long as I need to in order to satisfy how on-model you want it to be.
3-c) COMMISSIONING MY OWN CHARACTERS
I’m generally okay with being paid to draw my own characters in situations you might enjoy, granted that I like those situations.
However, due to my own mental inhibitions and some OCD stuff, I might not want to put characters through situations I consider to be “out of theme”.
Because of this, I might refuse to do it even if it might seem to make sense.
•I won’t draw most of my characters interacting with things from outside my universes. No cross-overs, no interactions with other people’s characters.
The only exception to this is when it’s a character I’ve designed to do exactly that.
I might be willing to do so with some versions of Kat and/or myself, but that is also touchy, so I might refuse a lot.
•I won’t draw things that go against canon for my characters and my settings. I know it’s silly, but the OCD is too strong.
Things that are out-of-character or that wouldn’t happen in that setting will bother me a bit.
Asking for something that everyone does (like being naked at some point) is fine, because then it would make sense.
•Figuring out which characters I’m touchy about can be confusing.
I create a lot of random characters on-the-spot, and some people take a liking to those, but I don’t feel these inhibitions towards them.
It should be handled on a case-by-case basis, depending on whether or not the character is dear to me, or if it’s just a random one.
Also as mentioned in pricing, if you want me to draw myself or draw Kat, you get the other for free.
We come as a pair, since I like keeping a balance in how often each of us is drawn.
3-d) THEMES I AVOID AND THE EXCEPTIONS
There are many themes that bother me.
Some themes just make me feel guilty/worried, but other themes can really ruin my day, week or month, and have me thinking about it ever since, which only hurts me.
I apologize, but I can be very touchy with these things, and avoid drawing some things even if they are safe but COULD look like a bad thing.
Denser info about that stuff HERE([08] CONTENT OF MY TRAUMA).
As of recent times (July 2024), the older journals aren’t super accurate because I did improve a bit, but still mostly applies.
As a TL;DR: I will avoid feel-bad content, grimdark settings, dark depictions of sexuality, bad endings, characters dying or crying and true evil cruelty.
Given that I’m very touchy, there can be many annoying edge cases, so I’ll try to go through everything in more detail below.
•ACCEPTABLE GORE:
Allowed, given that the character enjoys it, and they are somewhat formless like slime/goo/putty/clay. Slime-flesh gore is okay with smiles and pleasure.
It needs to be chill and casual, as extreme sensations can make it look bad, even if it’s not MEANT to be. That would bother me.
Only valid for characters that are clearly adult-looking.
•GENERAL GORE, MUTILATION, HARM:
More “realistic” or “serious” forms of gore will bother me.
If enjoyed, I’m not going to be bothered too much by being asked, but I will probably still refuse to draw it.
It has the potential to really bother me, though, even if it’s just the peril or risk of harm. Will not draw dangerous situations.
If more casual, inconsequential, non-serious and totally enjoyed by the character, there is a SLIGHT possibility I’d do it.
•SET-UPS, IMMINENT STUFF, OPEN-ENDINGS:
While I’ve been making efforts to get over it in cases where the characters enjoy it, the default is that I WON’T draw this.
This means things that COULD be the set-up for or allow for easy interpretation of very harmful things happening to a character.
If there is an obvious risk of something precious being lost or destroyed, then I treat it as if the thing is happening. Feels the same to me.
It must be obvious that a bad outcome is NOT LIKELY. And that the character will be okay and not suffer any distress.
Implicit information or dialogue is not taken into account, the scene needs to speak for itself.
EXAMPLES: Serious open-ended kidnappings, mind-possession, absorption/vore, permanent inanimate transformations, abandonment, character drama or any situations that could be easily interpreted to lead to these.
•FEAR, WORRY:
Depending on the situation, expressions of fear and worry can be okay, given that it is in a lighthearted and harmless context.
An example of this is when a character is given a challenge that is a bit too tough but that will still be fun, or when they are a bit nervous.
Sexualizing fear itself, like arousal from being afraid, startled, or terrified will worry me even in a positive or pleasurable context.
•STRONG EMOTIONS, CRYING, SOBBING, TEARS:
Strong POSITIVE emotions and extreme expressions of intensity and being overwhelmed are fine, given that the context is non-perilous.
Tears, however, trigger a small issue I have and I would like to avoid any crying or sobbing, even if it is happy sobbing.
Tears streaming down should be avoided, but little cute tears on the eye (not running down cheeks) combined with happiness or positive sensations are okay.
•NEGATIVE EMOTIONS, SUFFERING:
Nope. Absolutely not.
Things like suffering, misery, hopelessness, genuine despair, agony or any other dark and bleak emotions would bother me A LOT. Way more than happy snuff.
If the character would rather have it stop, be over with, or get out of that situation, I’m probably going to feel bothered even if the situation itself isn’t that bad.
•BAD ENDINGS:
I consider bad endings to be when a character goes through something very FINAL that takes away something very precious from them or those close to them.
This causes distress and suffering with their situation becoming worse than it was, in their own perception.
This is the type of stuff that really bothers me the most.
Grim stuff, tragedy, shocking stuff or disregard for an individual’s fate or existence might get me to be hostile towards you, since I seriously dislike it, and it stresses me a lot.
•CRUELTY, ABUSE, MEAN STUFF:
Another thing that might get me to be hostile, because I have serious trauma with this. It’s what bothered me the most about the things I regret seeing.
Genuine intent to harm, desire to see another character get a bad fate, or pleasure/satisfaction in someone getting a bad fate will bother me a lot.
This means being genuinely evil or having genuine disregard for the other character’s life/safety/happiness.
It doesn’t matter if the victim wants/desires it, secretly or not. If there is genuine pleasure in something bad happening to someone else, yikes.
Cruelty in the context of playful sadomasochism is absolutely fine, this is about serious evil towards another character.
I’m only okay with sadism if the sadist takes proxy pleasure from a masochist liking it, and the situation is not perilous in any way.
•SELF-DESTRUCTIVENESS:
Similar to the point above, but when a character has disregard for their own self, or a desire to be cruel to themselves, or to suffer a bad fate.
Masochism is fine, but if it feels like it’s a bit too dark, or like it’s too self-destructive, then it bothers me.
I don’t know where that line is, so I can be very touchy with this.
If I feel like the drawing could be used as fuel for something bad, maybe with a dark story tied to it, then I’m gonna refuse even if you don’t intend it to be that.
In the past, I’ve noticed that some people enjoy putting their sonas through really bad stuff, depicting their sonas as not wanting or not liking it.
While this would fall under the point above, it shows that some people have desires for self-punishment or self-abuse, projected through their sonas.
This is what worries me about masochistic things going too far. I know what people can like, and it bothers me.
•DEATH AND PERIL (EVEN IF DESIRED):
Expanding on the self-destructive point, I will avoid destruction of the character’s being, body, consciousness or self.
Even just the risk of that destruction such as peril or imminent things are considered the same.
Even “non-real” depictions like dreams, simulations, imagined or pretended cases count.
However, thanks to the afterlife system I’ve been building for my universes for the past few years, I don’t think the total destruction of one’s being is even possible in my universes anymore… which has changed the way I interface with these ideas a bit…
Like I said before, though… as a default, the answer is no, just to be safe… even if now my only major issue with it is if the character doesn’t like/want it.
Either way, for “REAL” death where there is no afterlife, that will ALWAYS be a big no. Final ending = no.
•TRANSFORMATIONS THAT IMPACT THE SELF:
Very questionable point. Some transformations can be effectively the same as the above, which bother me if they endanger the character’s self.
It can be even worse now, because a destruction of the fundamental self would be worse than just a destruction of the body, assuming a good afterlife system.
If the transformation is somehow portrayed as the character still being there unharmed, then it will probably be fine.
If the transformation makes the character’s self or consciousness disappear, then it bothers me.
Reversible character transformations (where one character turns into another character in body, personality and maybe memories) is a grey area that can be fine, but I can be very touchy about it.
•LUST OR SEXUALITY IN A NEGATIVE AND UNDESIRABLE LIGHT:
I don’t like when lust/sexuality/desire is depicted as bad, or leading to negative consequences that cause regret.
I also don’t like when it facilitates/lures characters into doing things that makes them feel worse about their morality afterwards.
Or when it facilitates/lures characters into doing things that harm themselves or others, such as bad or risky behavior.
If the character is being tempted by lust towards something bad, then it really bothers me.
•DISREGARD FOR MORALITY IN SERIOUS SITUATIONS:
This is when characters disregard virtue or morality in serious or realistic situations, with realistic risks or consequences that mirror the real world.
If it can result in something that would be wrong or distasteful in real life, and the setting sees it as the same, then it bothers me.
Perversity is fine, but there should be no risk of distasteful or undesired outcomes. If the risk is portrayed as real, and the consequences are bad, then I won’t do it.
This can be avoided if it’s not a bad consequence or the setting doesn’t see it the same way as real life does (granted that it’s not bad for other reasons in this list).
Note that this doesn’t cover only NSFW stuff. As I see it, these bad things in SFW drawings is just as bad, if not worse in some cases.
There are more cases where I could refuse things if I get bad vibes from them, but I can’t describe those, so it will have to be on a case-by-case basis.
Feel free to ask for clarification if you have some edge cases that you think I neglected here.
Again, to understand why I’m so touchy about it, HERE([08] CONTENT OF MY TRAUMA).
Other than these, I’m pretty much okay with lots of weird, bizarre, gross, kinky and perverted things, as well as SFW and tame or “cool” and “epic” stuff.
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PART 4 – TERMS OF SERVICE:
I’m not too picky about this, it’s just to cover my basis, better have it than not.
As a note also please don’t mention it being pornographic content to PayPal or any affiliated entities. Art and porn can have different connotations that can spell trouble when it comes to legal stuff, so never mention it as porn.
To agree with the TOS for a commission, I’d like you to send me a PM detailing what you want and that you agree to the following terms (they must be listed on the PM):
•Commissioner agrees with the pricing rules and calculations set up by the artist.
•Commissioner agrees with the themes that the artist will refuse to draw, and agrees to not expect a completed work if their requested idea was a forbidden theme.
•Commissioner agrees that the artist will be the one sending the invoice, and that the commissioner will not send the artist any money on their own.
•Commissioner agrees that they must pay a fee if the artist needs to be shown external art or references that the artist has never seen before.
•Commissioner agrees that if the artist is made to see external art or references, the fee will be paid even if the commission is canceled.
•For pre-caulculated prices, commissioner recognizes that the artist will only start working on the commission after the payment arrives on the artist’s PayPal.
•For hourly pay, commissioner recognizes that the price must be paid for the elapsed hours before the artist sends an update.
•Commissioner agrees to not disclose the artist’s Discord contact to non-commissioners.
•Commissioner agrees to not give the artist’s PayPal address to others.
•Commissioner agrees to make no changes in the idea or concept of the drawing after payment is accepted. Previous messages will be the only basis for the drawing.
•If a reference is provided, commissioner agrees to take responsibility for the ownership of the character, or having permission from the owner.
•Commissioner is allowed to repost the commission anywhere they want, no need to ask permission, but naming the artist, of course.
•By default, the artist will post the commission unless asked otherwise. The commissioner must notify the artist if they do not want the piece to be made public.
•By default, the artist will not mention or tag the commissioner in the description by name directly, and will only refer to the commissioner anonymously as “the commissioner”. The commissioner agrees to notify the artist if they want to be identified instead.
Just type something like “I agree with the terms:” and copy-paste these points above in a PM.
Last modified 23/07/2024
PART 0 – TL;DR:
For anyone who just wants to know, I have these base commission templates:
Unspecific Commission = 60$ + 30$ per extra character;
You give me a general theme and basic character traits like age and gender, but the specifics are up to me (random character).
Situation Commission = 90$ + 50$ per extra character;
For very specific scenarios that I have to be precise with, but the characters can be random and up to me (you can pick age and gender).
Character Commission = 105$ + 60$ per extra character;
I draw a specific character based on given reference, and you tell me a general theme, but the specifics of the situation are up to me.
Specific Commission = 135$ + 80$ per extra character;
Characters are provided and referenced, and the situation is also a very specific scenario given by you, and I have to be precise with everything.
HOWEVER, my prices can be very dynamic, trying to be fair to each given commission and its needs.
For the full specifics of the prices, make sure to check below.
That said, there is no need to worry about all that, I have a spreadsheet calculator so if you tell me what you want, I can tell you the price!
The information below is mostly for clarity and transparency.
If instead you would like to pay me hourly, it’s just a flat rate of 20$ an hour (fractions taken into consideration).
Only recommended if you trust me, as I will not show progress without being paid the elapsed hours up to that point.
I keep track of every minute I spend on a drawing, as you can see by those numbers on the top-left of the drawings I post.
This can be cheaper or more expensive, but will definitely be more fair to me.
I ALWAYS CHARGE IN USD.
BE SURE TO CHECK THE TOS AT THE VERY BOTTOM.
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PART 1 – PRICE CALCULATION:
1-a) Elements in the drawing:
•The background (characters and objects in the background are way simpler and somewhat faceless with little or no detail).
•The situation itself and idea behind the drawing (interactions, poses, vibes).
•Characters or detailed objects (things that are the focal subject of the drawing).
The price from these is modified by whether the elements are complex or simple, and by how much freedom I have over the idea.
Simple things that are up to me will be cheaper. Specific scenarios with specific characters in complicated poses will be more expensive, as it takes a lot more work.
For quick examples, here is a break-down of the templates mentioned above:
Unspecific Commission: You give me a general theme and basic character traits like age and gender, but the specifics are up to me (random character).
Background = simple random = 15$;
Situation = complicated random = 30$ (+20$ per extra characters);
Characters = random = 15$ (+10$ per extra character);
TOTAL: 60$ + 30$ per extra character;
Situation Commission: For very specific scenarios that I have to be precise with, but the characters can be random and up to me (you can pick age and gender).
Background = simple random = 15$;
Situation = complicated specific = 60$ (+40$ per extra characters);
Characters = random = 15$ (+10$ per extra character);
TOTAL: 90$ + 50$ per extra character;
Character Commission: I draw a specific character based on given reference, and you tell me a general theme, but the specifics of the situation are up to me.
Background = simple random = 15$;
Situation = complicated random = 30$ (+20$ per extra characters);
Characters = referenced = 60$ (+40$ per extra character);
TOTAL: 105$ + 60$ per extra character;
Specific Commission: Characters are provided and referenced, and the situation is also a very specific scenario given by you, and I have to be precise with everything.
Background = simple random = 15$;
Situation = complicated specific = 60$ (+40$ per extra characters);
Characters = referenced = 60$ (+40$ per extra character);
TOTAL: 135$ + 80$ per extra character;
1-b) Complexity, detail and artistic freedom:
Here is a list of each possibility for the background, the situation and the character types, and how much each of them add to the total:
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•BACKGROUND:
FREE$ - No background or abstract background:
Alpha channel or solid color.
15$ - Simple random background:
Everything in low detail and lower effort. Details up to me.
I take inspiration from the general idea given, but come up with it myself.
20$ - Simple SPECIFIC background:
Everything in low detail and lower effort. But you specify the details.
You can tell what you want and where like the configuration of things, even if it’s still simple in quality.
40$ - Detailed random background:
Can include shading, many background objects, faceless background characters a lot more detail.
Still totally up to me in how I place things and where. The general theme comes from the drawing’s idea.
50$ - Detailed SPECIFIC background:
Can include shading, many background objects, faceless background characters a lot more detail.
You can specify many details of the background. For when a specific background matters a lot for the idea and you want control over it.
80$ - Extra-complex random background:
Very complex and intricate backgrounds, or putting the same level of detail on the background as a character would get in the highest quality.
Usually for very scenic pieces that are background-only, or extra-detailed schematic backgrounds showing a lot of information.
But everything is still up to me, the way all of that detail is organized.
100$ - Extra-complex SPECIFIC background:
Very complex and intricate backgrounds, or putting the same level of detail on the background as a character would get in the highest quality.
Usually for very scenic pieces that are background-only, or extra-detailed schematic backgrounds showing a lot of information.
But you get to decide how everything is organized, where everything is and what it should look like.
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•SITUATION:
FREE$ - No situation:
If you want, the character can just be standing there doing absolutely nothing. The pose is very simple and boring. THIS COVERS REFERENCE SHEETS.
10$ (+5 per extra character) - Simple random situation:
Camera angle or perspective is simple. Poses are simple. Character interactions are simple. Nothing tricky.
I decide what those are, based on a given general theme. If you want to describe what is going on, pick specific instead of random.
15$ (+10 per extra character) - Simple SPECIFIC situation:
Camera angle or perspective is simple. Poses are simple. Character interactions are simple. Nothing tricky.
You tell me what those are, and what goes where, as long as it’s still simple. Describe the specific simple scenario you want.
30$ (+20 per extra character) - Complicated random situation:
Poses, character interactions and camera angles can be a lot more complicated, with trickier, more dynamic configurations.
I still decide what those would be, based on a given general theme. If you want to describe what is going on, pick specific instead of random.
60$ (+40 per extra character) - Complicated SPECIFIC situation:
Poses, character interactions and camera angles can be a lot more complicated, with trickier, more dynamic configurations.
The usual commission scenario, where you describe the idea in full. For when you want a more specific scenario where all details matter.
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•CHARACTERS / OBJECTS:
FREE$ - No characters and no objects:
This is for background-only pieces. Important to note that something like a car collection or a spaceship would not count, as each individual vehicle would count as an individual “character”.
5$ - Basic characters/objects:
Low detail basic characters, typically things like “anon” characters, stick figures, simple slime/tar/blob monsters or simple creatures like larvae.
Simple-looking anatomy lacking in any details.
Gender, genitalia can be specified freely. But age only as rough approximation.
15$ (+10 per extra) - Random characters/objects:
For normal detail, but looks and design are up to me.
You can still specify age, gender, genitalia and maybe species and body type (though it’s up to my interpretation).
For objects this can also apply, more ornate than background objects, but still my design.
20$ (+15 per extra) - Described SPECIFIC characters/objects:
Normal detail, and you can fully describe what you want them to look like, but without giving image references.
You can create characters, and this can be used for creating reference sheets (along with no situation).
30$ (+20 per extra) - Internal SPECIFIC characters/objects:
When you want me to draw MY OWN characters. This is for people who liked a certain character in my drawings and wants to see more of them.
I have to be comfortable with that character in that situation, though.
Asking for the character to be me or Kat grants the other for free (I like when we are a pair and balanced, you pay for one you get the other as bonus).
Gender, genitals, age, species and body type might vary depending on the character (they can be for me and Kat, we can be anything).
60$ (+40 per extra) - REFERENCED characters/objects:
The more typical commission. For when I need to follow a given reference and it’s not my own character.
In order to protect myself, sending me references has a little fee (more on that later).
•PARTIAL CHARACTER DISCOUNT:
When a character or focal object are not seen in full, it can have a discount. If I don’t have to draw their whole body, I don’t charge their whole body.
Here is a rough example of how it is priced, since this stuff can be complicated and it’s hard to tell the value of what is and isn’t hidden:
75% (25% off)
If a lot is showing but not everything, generally more than half the character, or the face and a bit less. This makes it 25% cheaper.
50% (half price)
If not a lot is showing but still important. Just head and face would go here. Focus on chest + belly would apply. Entire rear and legs would apply. Things like that.
25% (quarter price)
For specific body parts on their own, not much else showing. Examples are like just the breasts, just the soles, just the butt (no bits), just internals of the mouth or internals of other parts and so on.
Conjoined or multifur characters with multiple limbs, heads and torsos might trigger this for the extra parts, but it can be complicated.
To be decided on a case-by-case basis if valid.
NOTE: Discounts do not apply to the reference fee.
NOTE: Discounts apply over the combined character + situation price.
•REFERENCE FEE:
I’ve had a hard time with being exposed to things in the past, and it’s not exactly optimal for me to be open to seeing random images.
One wrong image could ruin my week!
So this is a form of protection, to make sure only people who are committing to the commission send me stuff.
The price is 10$ for showing me a reference sheet that I’ve never seen before.
These are ONE-TIME fees, meaning that once I’ve seen a character or image, I’ll save it in a folder to use as a reference for the current or future drawings.
You won’t have to pay this again if you commission the same character after I’ve seen the reference, unless you want to show new references or new drawings.
1-c) Variations in quality, sketches, lineart, non-complete drawings and so on:
So far all prices have been for a full-color drawing of minimal shading (my normal), but it can go cheaper in lower levels of quality, effort or completion (or higher if you want more effort than usual).
If you care more about the idea than you care about it looking like a pristine artistic piece, and you’re on a budget, this can help a lot.
The calculation comes on top of the TOTAL SUM drawing elements, like a general percentile modifier.
So just take the price it WOULD have been and multiply by the percentages:
Samples of each of those quality levels will be found IN THE COMMISSION SHEET WHEN I FINISH IT (ask me for samples for now).
As an example, let’s imagine a 200$ commission:
300% - Extra Shading (very high-quality shading and details, full-color). Price increases to 600$.
200% - Decent Shading (decent shading and details, full-color). Price increases to 400$.
100% - Minimally shaded (very simple shading, full-color). Price stays at 200$.
80% - Flat colors or lineart (colors are for free due to my workflow). Price lowers to 160$.
60% - Detailed sketch (unfinished but good effort). Price lowers to 120$.
25% - Sloppy sketch (very basic and messy). Price lowers to 50$.
75% – Detailed Doodle (decent quality but done in a more doodly style with more freedom and less commitment). Price lowers to 150$.
50% – Basic Doodle (good for concepts that are less visual). Price lowers to 100$.
20% - Scribble (good for concepts that are less visual, can look wonky and silly). Price lowers to 40$.
10% - Low-quality scribble (still works for kinkier fetishes but can look extremely stupid). Price lowers to 20$.
1-d) Different versions and completion of existing drawings:
I also accept commissions for completing drawings I’ve left unfinished, or creating alternative versions of a drawing or situation.
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•COMPLETION:
Just a simple subtraction of the existing piece’s hypothetical price (if it was commissioned under the current prices) from the hypothetical price the update would have had if it was a stand-alone commission.
As an example, imagine there is a sketch you want me to make into flat colors. Take the price the sketch would have costed (based on number of characters and complexity of situation), and subtract that from the price the flat colors would have been.
That’s the price of the new level of completion.
Completion should not give you any control over the piece, UNLESS you commissioned the original piece as well.
If you want that control, the whole thing should be calculated with the final piece being SPECIFIC, while the subtracting piece isn’t, which would make it more expensive.
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•VERSIONS:
Versions work similar to completion and are based on how much needs to be changed.
Most of the pricing is automatic, given that my prices are already based on what is being created. Versions would just be additional creation.
Minimal changes:
FREE For very minimal and easy changes (such as change in dialogue, simple color changes, removing fluids, removing haze, changing color of fluids or haze, hiding backgrounds), granted that you are commissioning or have commissioned the original piece.
If the original piece was my idea, or someone else’s commission, then I would charge a fixed fee of 5$ for removing/hiding and 10$ for changing.
This is just a buffer against it being totally free for someone to request changes to existing drawings randomly.
But again, if it is YOUR OWN commission, then you pay NOTHING for these little changes.
Significant changes:
For changes that need to create something new (instead of just hiding things or changing colors), the pricing is only an addition based on the pricing rules discussed so far. Whatever needs to be added will follow the price as if it’s an extra thing.
As an example, for alternate versions where the background stays the same, it is not charged as one of the elements. Only what chages.
If you need a character’s lower half to be redrawn (maybe you want them without pants), then you only pay for an extra “half-character”, according to the PARTIAL CHARACTER DISCOUNTS, which would likely be 75% of the total price the character would have had.
If you only need something like genitalia of one gender swapped for the other, than that’s the quarter-price discount (25% the price of that character).
The quality modifier then applies on top of that.
If you only want your alt-version to be flat-colors, it will get the flat-color discount on top of the partial character discount (assuming your version doesn’t require a full character re-draw).
This doesn’t work if I don’t have that version of the original (if I skipped sketch or shaded the color layer). This is rare, so I’ll let you know if it’s the case.
Feel free to ask for your specific case, but depending on what you want to change, or what you want extra, it can be calculated from the systems so far.
Complete alternate versions / extra panels:
Of course, this means that if you want EVERYTHING to be different, then it works as a whole new piece.
I don’t like charging less just because two things were commissioned together, since that doesn’t make sense in my head (I provide discounts in other ways, which are time-independent), so even if pictures are part of a “set” or sequence, they all get charged individually.
The same goes for comic panels. Each panel is like a sequence of another panel.
However, if anything is re-used, then it is not charged again. If the background doesn’t change, you only pay for the background once.
If an object keeps being re-used (and doesn’t have to be re-drawn), you only pay for it once.
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PART 2 – REWARD BONUSES / DISCOUNTS:
The bonuses are meant to compensate the somewhat expensive price of my commissions, rewarding recurrent commissioners in the long-term.
When certain milestones are reached, they return 5% of their value as a bonus that can be used as a discount. This can result in free commissions.
This bonus is accumulated automatically with the total money spent on me (I keep track), and can be used whenever you feel like. It never expires.
2-a) MILESTONES:
•200$ = 20 bonus: For each 200$ spent on me you get a 20$ discount to use on anything.
•1000$ = 100 bonus: For each 1000$ spent on me you get a 100$ discount to use on anything (plus previous ones).
•5000$ = 250 bonus: For each 5000$ spent on me you get a 250$ discount to use on anything (plus previous ones).
•25000$ = 1000 bonus: For each 25000$ spent on me you get a 1000$ discount to use on anything (plus previous ones).
•100000$ = 5000 bonus: For each 100000$ spent on me you get a 2000$ (plus ALL previous ones).
2-b) REPETITIONS:
BONUSES COMPOUND! It is also VERY IMPORTANT to note that you KEEP HITTING THE MILESTONES, OVER AND OVER AGAIN. FOREVER.
So if you spend a total of 200$, you get the 200$ milestone for the first time. But as soon as you reach a total of 400$, you get it again, accumulating an extra 20 bonus. At 600$ you reach 60 bonus, and so on.
The milestones also do not interfere with one another.
At 1000$, you get both milestones, accumulating 100 bonus from the 1000$ and another 100 bonus from the five 200$ milestones, for a total of 200 bonus.
At 5000$, you get all three, so 250 bonus from the 5000$, and another 1000 bonus from all others, accumulating 1250 bonus of bonus as soon as the 5000$ mark is crossed.
2-c) USES AND SPENDING:
These bonuses function as discounts for anything you may want. If there is a 750$ commission you’d want, and you have saved up the bonus, you can get the entire thing FOR FREE!
On the other hand, if you want to use only part of it, you can do so to get extra versions, or quench details in a given commission, to make it cheaper.
It’s up to you.
On spending, treat the bonuses like a piggy bank. More bonuses will come as you continue to spend money on me, and it will only get better, but once the bonus is spent, it’s like the piggy bank goes down in money.
This does not interfere with earning more bonuses, as the accumulation of bonus is automatic from the REAL money spent on me.
Bonuses can also be spent immediately. If you have spent a total of 950$ on me, and then get a commission that puts you over 1000$, you can use the 100 bonus instantly, in that very commission, to add extra characters or have more control, if you want.
This means that you could get a 250$ commission just by paying 50$ if you’ve accumulated 950$ on me.
I keep track of all of this, of course. It really is as simple as checking all the invoices, summing them up, and then calculating the quotient for each category, summing it all up.
Your total bonus balance will always be that formula minus the bonus SPENT.
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PART 3 – RULES, ALLOWED THEMES:
Given my weird and uncomfortable situation with trauma and stuff, there are quite a lot of things I’m NOT willing to draw.
This goes over some of that, and other things you shouldn’t do when commissioning me.
3-a) HOW TO APPROACH ME
If you want a commission, PM me about it.
Feel free to already have what you want there along with an agreement to the TOS if you wish.
If you need to send any references, please discuss it BEFORE sending.
If I need to see new references, that has a fee for exposing me to things I haven’t seen before.
The fee for me seeing things will be sent first, and I will expect payment on those before I even look at the references.
Only then I will send the invoice to the actual commission (this is to protect myself).
The communication should be about what you want me to draw, and how it’s going.
I might provide a discord contact to commissioners who prefer it, but agreement to the TOS must be done in PMs.
3-b) RULE 34
I changed my mind, I’m willing to do this now, but it might not go super well.
ONLY LIMITED TO BIGGER FRANCHISES (no asking for a random indie creator’s characters).
I should also point out that if the source material fits the stuff I would have an issue with, there is a very high chance it will bother me enough that I will refuse, so avoid darker franchises.
Please understand that doing it too on-model might be very difficult. If you absolutely need it, consider paying me by the hour so I can take as long as I need to in order to satisfy how on-model you want it to be.
3-c) COMMISSIONING MY OWN CHARACTERS
I’m generally okay with being paid to draw my own characters in situations you might enjoy, granted that I like those situations.
However, due to my own mental inhibitions and some OCD stuff, I might not want to put characters through situations I consider to be “out of theme”.
Because of this, I might refuse to do it even if it might seem to make sense.
•I won’t draw most of my characters interacting with things from outside my universes. No cross-overs, no interactions with other people’s characters.
The only exception to this is when it’s a character I’ve designed to do exactly that.
I might be willing to do so with some versions of Kat and/or myself, but that is also touchy, so I might refuse a lot.
•I won’t draw things that go against canon for my characters and my settings. I know it’s silly, but the OCD is too strong.
Things that are out-of-character or that wouldn’t happen in that setting will bother me a bit.
Asking for something that everyone does (like being naked at some point) is fine, because then it would make sense.
•Figuring out which characters I’m touchy about can be confusing.
I create a lot of random characters on-the-spot, and some people take a liking to those, but I don’t feel these inhibitions towards them.
It should be handled on a case-by-case basis, depending on whether or not the character is dear to me, or if it’s just a random one.
Also as mentioned in pricing, if you want me to draw myself or draw Kat, you get the other for free.
We come as a pair, since I like keeping a balance in how often each of us is drawn.
3-d) THEMES I AVOID AND THE EXCEPTIONS
There are many themes that bother me.
Some themes just make me feel guilty/worried, but other themes can really ruin my day, week or month, and have me thinking about it ever since, which only hurts me.
I apologize, but I can be very touchy with these things, and avoid drawing some things even if they are safe but COULD look like a bad thing.
Denser info about that stuff HERE([08] CONTENT OF MY TRAUMA).
As of recent times (July 2024), the older journals aren’t super accurate because I did improve a bit, but still mostly applies.
As a TL;DR: I will avoid feel-bad content, grimdark settings, dark depictions of sexuality, bad endings, characters dying or crying and true evil cruelty.
Given that I’m very touchy, there can be many annoying edge cases, so I’ll try to go through everything in more detail below.
•ACCEPTABLE GORE:
Allowed, given that the character enjoys it, and they are somewhat formless like slime/goo/putty/clay. Slime-flesh gore is okay with smiles and pleasure.
It needs to be chill and casual, as extreme sensations can make it look bad, even if it’s not MEANT to be. That would bother me.
Only valid for characters that are clearly adult-looking.
•GENERAL GORE, MUTILATION, HARM:
More “realistic” or “serious” forms of gore will bother me.
If enjoyed, I’m not going to be bothered too much by being asked, but I will probably still refuse to draw it.
It has the potential to really bother me, though, even if it’s just the peril or risk of harm. Will not draw dangerous situations.
If more casual, inconsequential, non-serious and totally enjoyed by the character, there is a SLIGHT possibility I’d do it.
•SET-UPS, IMMINENT STUFF, OPEN-ENDINGS:
While I’ve been making efforts to get over it in cases where the characters enjoy it, the default is that I WON’T draw this.
This means things that COULD be the set-up for or allow for easy interpretation of very harmful things happening to a character.
If there is an obvious risk of something precious being lost or destroyed, then I treat it as if the thing is happening. Feels the same to me.
It must be obvious that a bad outcome is NOT LIKELY. And that the character will be okay and not suffer any distress.
Implicit information or dialogue is not taken into account, the scene needs to speak for itself.
EXAMPLES: Serious open-ended kidnappings, mind-possession, absorption/vore, permanent inanimate transformations, abandonment, character drama or any situations that could be easily interpreted to lead to these.
•FEAR, WORRY:
Depending on the situation, expressions of fear and worry can be okay, given that it is in a lighthearted and harmless context.
An example of this is when a character is given a challenge that is a bit too tough but that will still be fun, or when they are a bit nervous.
Sexualizing fear itself, like arousal from being afraid, startled, or terrified will worry me even in a positive or pleasurable context.
•STRONG EMOTIONS, CRYING, SOBBING, TEARS:
Strong POSITIVE emotions and extreme expressions of intensity and being overwhelmed are fine, given that the context is non-perilous.
Tears, however, trigger a small issue I have and I would like to avoid any crying or sobbing, even if it is happy sobbing.
Tears streaming down should be avoided, but little cute tears on the eye (not running down cheeks) combined with happiness or positive sensations are okay.
•NEGATIVE EMOTIONS, SUFFERING:
Nope. Absolutely not.
Things like suffering, misery, hopelessness, genuine despair, agony or any other dark and bleak emotions would bother me A LOT. Way more than happy snuff.
If the character would rather have it stop, be over with, or get out of that situation, I’m probably going to feel bothered even if the situation itself isn’t that bad.
•BAD ENDINGS:
I consider bad endings to be when a character goes through something very FINAL that takes away something very precious from them or those close to them.
This causes distress and suffering with their situation becoming worse than it was, in their own perception.
This is the type of stuff that really bothers me the most.
Grim stuff, tragedy, shocking stuff or disregard for an individual’s fate or existence might get me to be hostile towards you, since I seriously dislike it, and it stresses me a lot.
•CRUELTY, ABUSE, MEAN STUFF:
Another thing that might get me to be hostile, because I have serious trauma with this. It’s what bothered me the most about the things I regret seeing.
Genuine intent to harm, desire to see another character get a bad fate, or pleasure/satisfaction in someone getting a bad fate will bother me a lot.
This means being genuinely evil or having genuine disregard for the other character’s life/safety/happiness.
It doesn’t matter if the victim wants/desires it, secretly or not. If there is genuine pleasure in something bad happening to someone else, yikes.
Cruelty in the context of playful sadomasochism is absolutely fine, this is about serious evil towards another character.
I’m only okay with sadism if the sadist takes proxy pleasure from a masochist liking it, and the situation is not perilous in any way.
•SELF-DESTRUCTIVENESS:
Similar to the point above, but when a character has disregard for their own self, or a desire to be cruel to themselves, or to suffer a bad fate.
Masochism is fine, but if it feels like it’s a bit too dark, or like it’s too self-destructive, then it bothers me.
I don’t know where that line is, so I can be very touchy with this.
If I feel like the drawing could be used as fuel for something bad, maybe with a dark story tied to it, then I’m gonna refuse even if you don’t intend it to be that.
In the past, I’ve noticed that some people enjoy putting their sonas through really bad stuff, depicting their sonas as not wanting or not liking it.
While this would fall under the point above, it shows that some people have desires for self-punishment or self-abuse, projected through their sonas.
This is what worries me about masochistic things going too far. I know what people can like, and it bothers me.
•DEATH AND PERIL (EVEN IF DESIRED):
Expanding on the self-destructive point, I will avoid destruction of the character’s being, body, consciousness or self.
Even just the risk of that destruction such as peril or imminent things are considered the same.
Even “non-real” depictions like dreams, simulations, imagined or pretended cases count.
However, thanks to the afterlife system I’ve been building for my universes for the past few years, I don’t think the total destruction of one’s being is even possible in my universes anymore… which has changed the way I interface with these ideas a bit…
Like I said before, though… as a default, the answer is no, just to be safe… even if now my only major issue with it is if the character doesn’t like/want it.
Either way, for “REAL” death where there is no afterlife, that will ALWAYS be a big no. Final ending = no.
•TRANSFORMATIONS THAT IMPACT THE SELF:
Very questionable point. Some transformations can be effectively the same as the above, which bother me if they endanger the character’s self.
It can be even worse now, because a destruction of the fundamental self would be worse than just a destruction of the body, assuming a good afterlife system.
If the transformation is somehow portrayed as the character still being there unharmed, then it will probably be fine.
If the transformation makes the character’s self or consciousness disappear, then it bothers me.
Reversible character transformations (where one character turns into another character in body, personality and maybe memories) is a grey area that can be fine, but I can be very touchy about it.
•LUST OR SEXUALITY IN A NEGATIVE AND UNDESIRABLE LIGHT:
I don’t like when lust/sexuality/desire is depicted as bad, or leading to negative consequences that cause regret.
I also don’t like when it facilitates/lures characters into doing things that makes them feel worse about their morality afterwards.
Or when it facilitates/lures characters into doing things that harm themselves or others, such as bad or risky behavior.
If the character is being tempted by lust towards something bad, then it really bothers me.
•DISREGARD FOR MORALITY IN SERIOUS SITUATIONS:
This is when characters disregard virtue or morality in serious or realistic situations, with realistic risks or consequences that mirror the real world.
If it can result in something that would be wrong or distasteful in real life, and the setting sees it as the same, then it bothers me.
Perversity is fine, but there should be no risk of distasteful or undesired outcomes. If the risk is portrayed as real, and the consequences are bad, then I won’t do it.
This can be avoided if it’s not a bad consequence or the setting doesn’t see it the same way as real life does (granted that it’s not bad for other reasons in this list).
Note that this doesn’t cover only NSFW stuff. As I see it, these bad things in SFW drawings is just as bad, if not worse in some cases.
There are more cases where I could refuse things if I get bad vibes from them, but I can’t describe those, so it will have to be on a case-by-case basis.
Feel free to ask for clarification if you have some edge cases that you think I neglected here.
Again, to understand why I’m so touchy about it, HERE([08] CONTENT OF MY TRAUMA).
Other than these, I’m pretty much okay with lots of weird, bizarre, gross, kinky and perverted things, as well as SFW and tame or “cool” and “epic” stuff.
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PART 4 – TERMS OF SERVICE:
I’m not too picky about this, it’s just to cover my basis, better have it than not.
As a note also please don’t mention it being pornographic content to PayPal or any affiliated entities. Art and porn can have different connotations that can spell trouble when it comes to legal stuff, so never mention it as porn.
To agree with the TOS for a commission, I’d like you to send me a PM detailing what you want and that you agree to the following terms (they must be listed on the PM):
•Commissioner agrees with the pricing rules and calculations set up by the artist.
•Commissioner agrees with the themes that the artist will refuse to draw, and agrees to not expect a completed work if their requested idea was a forbidden theme.
•Commissioner agrees that the artist will be the one sending the invoice, and that the commissioner will not send the artist any money on their own.
•Commissioner agrees that they must pay a fee if the artist needs to be shown external art or references that the artist has never seen before.
•Commissioner agrees that if the artist is made to see external art or references, the fee will be paid even if the commission is canceled.
•For pre-caulculated prices, commissioner recognizes that the artist will only start working on the commission after the payment arrives on the artist’s PayPal.
•For hourly pay, commissioner recognizes that the price must be paid for the elapsed hours before the artist sends an update.
•Commissioner agrees to not disclose the artist’s Discord contact to non-commissioners.
•Commissioner agrees to not give the artist’s PayPal address to others.
•Commissioner agrees to make no changes in the idea or concept of the drawing after payment is accepted. Previous messages will be the only basis for the drawing.
•If a reference is provided, commissioner agrees to take responsibility for the ownership of the character, or having permission from the owner.
•Commissioner is allowed to repost the commission anywhere they want, no need to ask permission, but naming the artist, of course.
•By default, the artist will post the commission unless asked otherwise. The commissioner must notify the artist if they do not want the piece to be made public.
•By default, the artist will not mention or tag the commissioner in the description by name directly, and will only refer to the commissioner anonymously as “the commissioner”. The commissioner agrees to notify the artist if they want to be identified instead.
Just type something like “I agree with the terms:” and copy-paste these points above in a PM.
Last modified 23/07/2024
[01] MAIN JOURNAL
Posted 4 years agoPLEASE READ THIS to get familiar with how I function.
I can be VERY weird, even for the fandom, and my behavior can be unexpected.
This journal contains a few general points that explain some of that, and it also leads to other journals that go more in-depth.
No one needs to read the in-depth stuff, unless they are curious, but please read the first part.
THE LIST BELOW goes into very important points about things that can make me very uncomfortable.
A lot of these things are UNEXPECTED so it’s important that people know. Hopefully this will help people avoid upsetting me on accident.
This list also has some points about my personality and behavior so that people don’t get surprised by it.
• I get upset EASILY, please trust me when I say this stuff is IMPORTANT.
• I SERIOUSLY DISLIKE content that is very cruel or bleak (crying, dying, agony, bad endings, despair, hopelessness) and I get upset at those that enjoy or make it. DO NOT MENTION ANYTHING INVOLVING THAT TYPE OF STUFF.
• I avoid finding out about new things and I DON’T WANT TO BE SHOWN ANYTHING NEW. I don’t browse art or watch fiction anymore. Please don’t try to show me anything.
• Please DO NOT mention artists or franchises around me, and understand that I will pretend not to know them. I DO NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT FRANCHISES OR OTHER ARTISTS. I don’t even want it talked about near me.
• I do not take art trades, and I DO NOT ACCEPT GIFTS. DO NOT DRAW ANYTHING FOR ME, I WILL NOT LOOK AT IT.
• If people draw my characters, I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW ABOUT IT, DO NOT TELL ME ABOUT IT. If you ask to draw my characters, the answer I will give is NO. But I know I can’t stop anyone.
• I CANNOT make new friends. I can be friendly, but making friends with me is probably IMPOSSIBLE. If you aren’t someone I know already, it is probably futile to try.
I will go into deeper detail about all of that below. Some of it links to journals that go into even deeper detail.
But if you’re not interested, just keep the points above in mind. THEY ARE VERY IMPORTANT.
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PART 1 – THIS MAIN JOURNAL:
This journal is meant to be something of a hub for important information about me.
It gives some details on things that people should maybe know about me, as well as containing links for more details and explanations in some of them.
I did change my mind since last time.
I was revealing too much before, as some form of therapy, but now I’m embarrassed about it. Not a big deal, though.
I also struggled with some things because I wasn’t pushing my style onto the world hard enough.
This new version will change that.
It will reveal less, and it will be made in a format that is comfortable to me, even if it might seem silly nor not make sense to others.
Another thing that changed is that I got a taste of how people react to me, now that I have posted a bit and got some responses from previous journals.
I had no idea how people would treat me when I wrote the previous versions. Because of that, parts of the way I did things before were unnecessary.
I also regret the way I relied on the future, making promises to myself and others that I failed to keep.
Things changed and did not go to plan at all, so while it was reasonable for me to think it would go as planned, it didn’t.
This will be addressed below (part 6).
As of writing this, though (Mar 2023), I’m not even stable yet, so I might be repeating the same mistakes from before, but I need to make a move, so I don’t have much of a choice. I might update it later.
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PART 2 – PERSONAL DETAILS:
This part will give some details about me and the things that people should probably know about my personality, tastes, what I draw, some miscellaneous behavior and so on.
This is for the usual questions I would expect people to ask (only for what I would bother answering).
2-a) WHAT I DRAW AND WHAT I LIKE:
I make a lot of lewd content and my stuff can be VERY NSFW.
I do a lot of fetish stuff that can be weird, gross or both, and it can be very bizarre sometimes.
It can also be a little puzzling, or not make sense. I expect this to become more of a thing as the disconnect grows between me and the art of other people.
For more specific details on the themes I draw, go HERE([03] THEMES I DRAW).
It’s important to point out that I DO NOT have a “strong filter” or “high tolerance” to most fetishes and forms of content, even though what I draw can be considered “disturbing” by some. Don’t assume I’d stomach some fetishes just because of what I like.
I like to think my sensibility to stuff makes sense, but I feel like pointing this out because it can surprise people (and has surprised people in the past).
More on that later (part 3) or HERE([08] CONTENT OF MY TRAUMA).
I also do a lot of RANDOM stuff, meaning that instead of sticking to a single setting, or repeating characters and settings, I keep on just making random stuff that isn’t meant to stick. Keep that in mind.
Most “characters” I feature aren’t even characters, are not planned, are being drawn for the first time and I probably won’t draw them again.
There is also more on that HERE([03] THEMES I DRAW).
Outside of lewd art, things that I enjoy have to do with the known, the unknown and the unknowable. Things like systems and how they work, sciences, fictional sciences, aesthetics, symbolism and the occult.
I might do some SFW art now and then, especially if it is for my main setting.
More info on this goes HERE([04] OTHER THINGS I LIKE).
Do not expect me to be social about my interests, though.
I do not wish to bond with anyone over any of this, but I’m happy to just show it to people who want to see it.
2-b) WHAT I’M LIKE:
I don’t feel like giving a lot of details anymore. I don’t feel like that is necessary.
These are silly personal things that I expect some people would ask out of curiosity. I guess this is the part you could expect from a “normal” bio.
Still, I don’t feel like giving information just because it’s the “expected thing to do” anymore, or because it’s normal. I guess that already says something about me.
First I should mention my fursona. I see my fursona as myself. I don’t treat my fursona like a character, but like my fursona is me. My fursona is my fictional self, because I dislike reality so much.
Someone can get a good idea of what I’m like from my fursona, but my fursona is my happy self, and I don’t like presenting that version of me too much.
This can be seen in how I tend to keep my sona away from other people, but also in the secret language I’m making (more on part 5-d).
My happy side is not a side of me I want to share with real people.
I should also mention my OCD and potential autism, since these can get in the way of me doing things. I expect this to be clear to anyone who has been watching me since around 2021 or 2022.
I can struggle A LOT with things that are very easy for most people.
I can have weird mental barriers that people might not understand.
I need things done in a particular way or else my brain freezes.
I could have done a lot more if that wasn’t the case.
So I struggled with posting even though to some it made no sense. I know that it looked like I had no reason to be struggling so much, but it’s just the way I am.
I’ll say more about that later.
I’m also not open to friendships, but more on that later (part 2-d).
I might not interact with comments as much anymore, more on that later (part 4-a).
I’m upset very often, and I can be very volatile, moody, cynical and sarcastic, and I make no effort to make it clear when I’m doing that. I feel like I shouldn’t interact with people very often.
When I first returned, I think I was revealing a lot because I was leaving the door open for a connection with the fandom.
That changed, so I don’t feel like giving more details. More on that later (part 2-f).
2-c) ME AND KAT:
Kat will show up in a lot of my drawings. She is very important to me.
She is both real and not. Somewhere in between. More than just a character.
Kat is a tulpa, or a form of imaginary friend that has some sentience or her own will.
She only exists in my head, but she can want, say or feel things separate from me, but we know everything the other is thinking.
I created her accidentally by unknowingly following the steps for tulpa creation.
2-d) THE OLD ME:
Even before me going public again in 2021, this isn’t my first time.
Originally I openly named all of the other aliases I went by. That’s all still there for those who are curious, but I don’t feel like mentioning it.
Just know that I have done a lot of stuff publicly before 2021.
I did a lot that I regret, especially in the more turbulent years of my trauma and hatred, but I don’t want to talk about it anymore.
Things were good a long time ago. Then things were really bad. Now I have to deal with that, and I’m still not over it.
2-d) I DON’T MAKE FRIENDS:
If you’re not someone I knew from before I went into hiding in 2020, then your chances of befriending me are zero. If you think it will be different for you and that you wanna try (like some did before), then you will faceplant against a brick wall (like they did). I don’t want any friends.
The only person beyond Kat that I would consider a friend is someone from before. And I’m way more willing to be receptive to people I already knew from the old days. But anyone new? No. I’m done with that.
I seriously regret interacting with some people who I considered friends at some point, and I don’t want that anymore. I don’t need it. I don’t need to take this risk.
When I first returned I thought this could change, and that I could open up. But I feel like I only got sturdier with how much I want to avoid friendships.
More information: HERE([05] NO FRIENDS POLICY).
2-f) ME AND THE FANDOM:
As mentioned above, things happened. The stuff this fandom makes WAS really important to me (and fandoms surrounding kinky stuff in general).
I was never too social, but I always loved drawing things, and I loved looking at things more than anything else.
Then I saw things that made me change my mind, and now I’m really scared of what I can find in other people’s creations.
More on that later (part 3), or HERE([08] CONTENT OF MY TRAUMA).
I’m back here because I’ll need to pay the bills eventually, and I don’t think I could do better on anything else.
As much as I’d rather go into hiding forever, anything else would be more torture than this. I’m too socially inept.
More information on how I feel about the fandom: HERE([09] RELATIONSHIP WITH THE FANDOM).
==============================================================
PART 3 – WHAT UPSETS ME AND WHY:
Like I said before, darker content can upset me A LOT, even though I like weird and bizarre stuff.
It can ruin my day, my week, the whole month, or even bother me years after. I still struggle with some memories from years ago.
It made me start avoiding things that I like, things that are safe, just because the risk is always there.
I stopped looking at other people’s art entirely.
And this goes beyond lewd stuff and fetishes, as horrible dark content can be mainstream, which means I have to avoid fiction in general.
3-a) THINGS I DISLIKE:
First of all, I don’t mean to tell people what to like. I know I can’t.
I just wish people would understand how clear it is to me.
But like I said before, I REALLY dislike content that is cruel, bleak or grimdark, involving things like agony, bad fates, despair, hopelessness, nihilism, devaluing lives and so on.
Not caring about how someone is suffering, or even worse someone enjoying the agony of others just makes me EXTREMELY uneasy.
This could be coming from the characters being evil, or even the artist or those who enjoy the work, enjoying the torture of a character.
That’s it. To me it’s very fundamental and simple, hinging on empathy and well-being.
Be very careful with this, especially if you like something along those lines, because it can just make me feel REALLY bad, and I’ll react strongly to it, even if just internally.
Don’t mention it, don’t hint at it, it can ruin my opinion of you (if you care about that) and I’ll generally try to avoid interacting with people if I can help it.
Also do not tell me if this or that person is into it. I don’t want to know anything.
My brain just can’t handle it. I’ve tried to accept it for years, to tell myself what people tell me (that it’s not real, to each their own, and all that stuff), but it never works.
Something feels very wrong with it, and I can’t understand how some people are okay with that.
I could argue about it for days, but hopefully I’ll make my case more clear HERE([08] CONTENT OF MY TRAUMA).
3-b) I DON’T BROWSE ANYMORE, DON’T TRY TO SHOW ME STUFF:
Because I can be so sensitive to it, and because it’s not that hard to encounter, I decided to just STRONGLY AVOID all lewd art not made by me.
It used to inspire me a lot, and I used to enjoy it a lot, but I gave it up entirely. I had to.
I tried to use blacklists, I tried to just ignore what I didn’t like, I tried to have filters, but it never worked. I just don’t want anything anymore.
I don’t search for stuff anymore, I don’t look at it, and if I come across some of it by accident, I can cover part of my screen, close my eyes or look away.
I know it sounds silly, but I’ve been conditioned on emotional pain to react like that.
It doesn’t really matter if something is safe, because I still recognize danger in anything I didn’t draw myself.
And even if it IS totally safe and I know it, then it will just tempt me, and I know I can’t dive deep.
So I don’t want to look at anything anymore.
But it goes beyond that, and I avoid art in general, including fiction like shows, movies, cartoons, story-based videogames and so on.
This is because dark messed up stuff can go beyond yiff or drawn lewds, and popular culture is actually FILLED with non-lewd content that tortures me.
To me it’s not worth it to let this stuff enter my mind anymore, even if it means giving up on a lot of potential entertainment.
Most of this is repeated Explanation HERE([07] WHY NOT BROWSE ANYMORE). But there could be some extra details there.
3-c) DON’T MENTION ARTISTS OR FRANCHISES:
Because of the above, I obviously don’t want to know about artists or franchises that I’m not familiar with.
And of course I also don’t want to know anything of the artists and franchises that make me suffer.
So I ask people to just not say any names, it will make me uncomfortable, and if you end up mentioning someone that REALLY ruined me, then it will make me feel REALLY bad.
I don’t want to start any drama, of course, as that would put a massive target on my back, so me not saying anyone’s names is a way to avoid that.
I just feel like a lot of people can be angered if I expressed what I think of some franchises or some artists, so it’s probably best to never talk about it.
So I’ll pretend that I don’t know anything, and that I don’t know anyone.
I ask anyone interacting with me to do the same. I’ll probably just avoid you otherwise.
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PART 4 – COMMENTS, GIFTS, ART TRADES:
Because of the points above (in part 3), I obviously struggle a bit with some common fandom interactions.
Here I’ll go over some important things that people should know about that.
4-a) MY RELATIONSHIP WITH COMMENTS NOW:
At first I was willing to read comments and engage comments. I kinda liked to, and I was open to it.
Some things happened, however, and now I don’t really want to interact that much anymore.
I still check the notifications but I only skim through comments looking for question marks.
I feel like it is rude not to answer questions, so I’ll try not to ignore questions.
But still, I don’t really feel like the comments on my own submissions are safe for me. I’ll be cautious. I don’t want to block comments but I might do it eventually.
4-b) I DON’T LOOK AT GIFTS:
Because I refuse to look at new art, there is no way I am looking at gifts.
DO NOT DRAW THINGS FOR ME, it will be uncomfortable for us both. I won’t look no matter what.
If you want to gift me something, there are non-artistic ways of doing it that I’ll talk about below (part 4-d).
4-c) DON’T DRAW MY CHARACTERS, PLEASE:
It is silly, but I don’t think I trust the fandom well enough to feel comfortable with my characters in its hands.
Knowing the stuff that people do and the stuff that people like, I just don’t find it savory to have the same people handle my characters.
It feels like my territory, and I would like control over that, at least. But I know I can’t really stop anyone.
More importantly, though, NEVER tell me that it was done.
Whether you did it, or you want to warn me of someone who did it, it doesn’t matter, I don’t want to know. Do not tell me.
If you ask me for permission, I’ll know it is being done, so the answer will be no.
Again, this is not a big deal, I just don’t wanna know about it.
4-d) WHAT I’M WILLING TO TRADE FOR FREE ART:
Now, while I’m not willing to do “normal” art trades, I can still trade free drawings for something else.
This is a bit complicated, and I don’t expect people to understand, but you can do some tasks and errands for me, in exchange for free drawings.
What exactly those are will vary and change based on my current needs, but they are non-artistic things.
Some examples are getting data, doing research, decompiling games/applications, coding programs that would be useful to me, contributing to some of my projects and so on.
Most of it will probably involve coding or programming, or tutorials that help me learn something I want to learn.
Because the specifics can vary a lot, the quality of the drawings and the amount of drawings should be discussed on a case-by-case basis.
For more details on what I need, I’ll leave this journal HERE([06] ART TRADE QUESTS).
Again, it will probably keep changing as my needs change, so if you want free art and you think you can deliver some of those, I’m open to it.
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PART 5 – POSTING, MY WORKFLOW, PECULIAR THINGS:
This part is interesting for people who care about my posting rhythm, and how I do things.
This goes over some of the specific things I do, and the specific ways I go about things.
5-a) POSTING IN ORDER AND PREVIOUS ISSUES:
This is where I expect people to be confused about why I stopped posting for so long.
It has to do with burning out and side-projects piling up, but also with some mental barriers I have when it comes to posting.
It might seem silly, but I feel uncomfortable if I’m posting things arbitrarily and out of order.
I tried this for a while after my tablet pen broke and I needed to replace it (since I totally lost the rhythm) and I HATED it, it’s a big part of what made me stop.
I feel like I just get lost and it gets harder to keep track of all the things I keep track of, so my brain has to do extra work and it is exhausting.
So I only want to post things in the order I draw them, starting from the 2020 drawings.
This isn’t a strict rule, and sometimes I can post older things out of order, but it has to be the norm, or else I get very stressed with posting.
As a result, the drawings I post are OLD and FROM THE PAST, so I’m just going through a massive backlog of drawings and nothing I post has been made recently.
Another issue is tagging, which I struggled with a lot, more on that later (part 5-c and part 6).
To fix this I tried to make a tag helper, but it wasn’t good enough, so I had to make a 2.0 version.
As of right now (Mar 2023) it’s not done yet, but I don’t want to post without having that done.
5-b) PROBLEMS WITH MY PRODUCTIVITY:
I used to feel really good about being able to do at least two full drawings a day, and I came back into the fandom in 2021 with that confidence.
That soon crumbled, because I lost that ability for some reason.
There was a week in April 2021 where I was making 8 full colored and shaded drawings a day (for 4 days), and now I can barely do one.
I think I’m just burning out too much and losing confidence in myself, but I’m constantly trying to find ways around that, by trying easier drawing techniques.
I hope to post at least 2 drawings a day, and also make 2 drawings a day. We’ll see how things go.
5-c) TAGS, LACK OF CENSORED THUMBNAILS, MULTIPLE ACCOUNTS:
I struggled a lot with tagging, because most sites don’t really have good systems in place for “perfect” tagging.
I feel like I need “perfect” tagging for three reasons: My brain just likes it organized and well done, tagging is how I assume most new people find my drawings since I can hit a lot of obscure tags people browse, and of course I need to make sure people can blacklist things efficiently since I don’t like making censored thumbnails.
My reasoning for not censoring thumbnails is twofold.
I don’t wanna have to bother with one extra tedious step that will make the process of posting even more of a pain.
And also I KNOW that the thumbnails will make it harder for people to see what the piece is before they click, which means I won’t catch the eyes of people browsing as much.
I would put up with the second if the first wasn’t such a hassle, and if a site provides some AI-driven “automatic thumbnail censor” or whatever, I’m all for that.
But I feel like that responsibility belongs to the platform, not to me.
On InkBunny, I mostly just rely on tags and on the system letting people blacklist what they don’t like.
This is why most of my tags are based on how they work on InkBunny.
I’ll try my best to cover all possible aliases for the tags people use (which can be a lot, because it is somewhat disorganized), so that blacklists function perfectly.
On FurAffinity that is not an option, because FurAffinity doesn’t allow blacklisting yet.
My answer to that is making four main accounts to “censor” my content for people who do not like certain things.
The divisions are between “vanilla” content, gross content, weird content and of course all content.
The MAIN account posts ALL content I’m willing to share.
The WEIRD account repeats all content except for the things that are gross, so it’s CLEAN-WEIRD.
The DIRTY account repeats all content except for the things that are weird, so it’s MUNDANE-DIRTY.
And the TAME account only repeats the content that isn’t bizarre or gross.
There is a FA-only journal explaining it in more detail HERE.
I WILL ALSO USE TAGS ON FURAFFINITY, but place them on the description due to the absurd limitations of the normal tag system.
This allows tags to be used in searching, and allows for a lot more tags.
On HicceArs, there is also a four-account system much like on FurAffinity, but I will also rely on heavy-tagging because HicceArs does seem to have a blacklist.
I still have to scout the HicceArs tag system and I will probably just merge it with InkBunny tags to catch both.
5-d) WHAT IS THAT SECRET LANGUAGE I’M WORKING ON:
I’m creating my own conlang to be “our lovelang” (our meaning me and Kat). And there are a few reasons behind it:
I wanted to make my own conlang back in the day, when I started this project.
I wanted a secret language to write my intimacies in my diaries in case anyone made their way into my diaries.
Now I want a language that can replace real languages for me and Kat, since real languages can have some uncomfortable things in them.
And now I want a language to function as a soft filter for TMI stuff that I might put in my descriptions if it’s relevant to the drawing. This way only those who are dedicated to knowing what it is will ever read it.
I have some concerns, since while the language can be learned by anyone, the mods might dislike this whole deal.
I say this because I know that some streamers forbid languages in their chat that no mod speaks, since it cannot be moderated.
I hope I can do this, or else I’ll just straight up cut parts of my descriptions and people will miss on details.
Either way, this language is supposed to be super happy, and it’s the way I have of trying to reconnect with my happy side.
If I’m being happy, it should be in this language.
More about it HERE([10] OUR-CONLANG).
5-e) MY LENGTHY DESCRIPTIONS:
As some may or may not have noticed, I can release a deluge of words in some of my submission descriptions.
There is a reason for this, and it is that I like registering things about my drawings very tightly.
I used to not do it, and let the context behind the drawing either be lost to time, or have small fragments survive buried in my diaries.
When I started doing descriptions for myself, I wondered why I wasn’t doing it sooner.
I keep all my descriptions in a spreadsheet file where I keep information about my drawings, and I try to register as much context and relevant information as I can.
I share these descriptions because writing new descriptions that are shorter would be extra work, so it’s either the raw stuff or nothing.
As a result, these descriptions should NOT be taken as me talking to my “audience” in the present.
It’s mostly me talking to myself, or to a fictional, potential “audience” in my head, since by the time the drawing goes public, several months have passed, so whatever was written is probably historical or outdated at this point.
==============================================================
PART 6 – ADDRESSING 2021 AND MY FAILURE TO RETURN SO FAR:
Things obviously did not go how I planned, and while I wanted to quickly reestablish myself into the fandom in 2021, that all ended up crashing and burning.
This part will go over the problems that have caused me to step away again for all this time, since mid-late 2021 all the way to now, early 2023.
6-a) HOW I WANTED IT TO GO:
My BetterHelp “therapist” at the time advised me to return to the fandom sooner, rather than later (mid 2021 instead of 2022), and I also wanted to hit some specific important dates.
2021 was going to be the 10 year anniversary of many important moments of me becoming a furry, including the first time I’ve drawn lots of things that are now very important to me. So I cared a lot about the year going well.
I was prepared to be noticed by some people really fast, which is why I had some things in my journal addressing them, providing explanations that they could have wanted.
At first things were going as I expected, actually, and I did reach A LOT of the people I expected, even faster than I expected.
Had I continued, it would probably mean I would end up exactly where I thought I would.
I was also prepared to be a lot more social and open than I am now.
I was expecting myself to change, to soften, and I was feeling a pull towards being part of the community again.
All of this has obviously changed.
6-b) WHAT PROBABLY WENT WRONG:
I came in all prepared and stuff, with my journals ready, doing things in the right date, and things went really well.
Then I started falling behind with some things. It was silly, but I was just struggling a bit, but nothing that was bad.
Earlier that year, something bad IRL happened, but it didn’t end in disaster so I managed to keep going.
I was doing the anniversaries and I still wanted the year to go well.
Then… I kinda got lost in commissions and I missed one important anniversary drawing.
I didn’t think that was a big issue, but things kept going down.
If the problem was only my work ethic and me failing to keep my own dates, then I probably would have recovered fast.
But something REALLY bad happened IRL, and it just ruined the whole year for me.
I don’t wanna talk about it, but I made a lot of sacrifices that year to make it the year I start growing again, to make it a special year. I was vulnerable.
So of course, fate decides to strike me when I’m vulnerable, and I really didn’t recover from that until mid-early 2022.
I tried to return in 2022, since I’m wasting A LOT of time and I feel HORRIBLE about it, but I didn’t feel comfortable enough.
I tried to do the anniversaries again, instead, as 11-year-anniversaries instead of 10.
For a while that went really well, and I had some good moments, isolated, just me and Kat, mostly, focusing on those important redraws and not on the fandom.
Then I failed that too, at the end of 2022.
Right now I’m trying to learn from all of that and have a more practical year, but I need to solve the underlying issues that prevented me from returning in 2022.
I want it to be comfortable, so I’m working on it.
6-b) JOURNAL REGRETS:
And finally, why I’m re-making these journals.
Well, I have deep regrets with what I wrote before, because I counted a lot on how things were GOING to go, and all of that failed, of course.
The journals I wrote before were meant as a timeless thing, as something people could read to get an idea on who I was and what my gallery was about, whether it was the beginning of me posting or way later.
That was a mistake.
Since things didn’t pan out as I wanted, a lot of what I said there ended up being silly and stupid.
So now I’m re-making these introductory journals so that they can be more accurate, and hopefully I don’t make the same mistakes again.
I still plan on updating these as time goes, so we will see.
I have also given up on most of my projects, which also makes a lot of the journals obsolete.
I want to restart fresh, without really having to worry about any projects in 2023. The plan is to just do the tag helper and return.
As of now (Mar 2023), that hasn’t happened yet, so we’ll see.
I might edit this part
Last modified 20/05/2023
I can be VERY weird, even for the fandom, and my behavior can be unexpected.
This journal contains a few general points that explain some of that, and it also leads to other journals that go more in-depth.
No one needs to read the in-depth stuff, unless they are curious, but please read the first part.
THE LIST BELOW goes into very important points about things that can make me very uncomfortable.
A lot of these things are UNEXPECTED so it’s important that people know. Hopefully this will help people avoid upsetting me on accident.
This list also has some points about my personality and behavior so that people don’t get surprised by it.
• I get upset EASILY, please trust me when I say this stuff is IMPORTANT.
• I SERIOUSLY DISLIKE content that is very cruel or bleak (crying, dying, agony, bad endings, despair, hopelessness) and I get upset at those that enjoy or make it. DO NOT MENTION ANYTHING INVOLVING THAT TYPE OF STUFF.
• I avoid finding out about new things and I DON’T WANT TO BE SHOWN ANYTHING NEW. I don’t browse art or watch fiction anymore. Please don’t try to show me anything.
• Please DO NOT mention artists or franchises around me, and understand that I will pretend not to know them. I DO NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT FRANCHISES OR OTHER ARTISTS. I don’t even want it talked about near me.
• I do not take art trades, and I DO NOT ACCEPT GIFTS. DO NOT DRAW ANYTHING FOR ME, I WILL NOT LOOK AT IT.
• If people draw my characters, I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW ABOUT IT, DO NOT TELL ME ABOUT IT. If you ask to draw my characters, the answer I will give is NO. But I know I can’t stop anyone.
• I CANNOT make new friends. I can be friendly, but making friends with me is probably IMPOSSIBLE. If you aren’t someone I know already, it is probably futile to try.
I will go into deeper detail about all of that below. Some of it links to journals that go into even deeper detail.
But if you’re not interested, just keep the points above in mind. THEY ARE VERY IMPORTANT.
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PART 1 – THIS MAIN JOURNAL:
This journal is meant to be something of a hub for important information about me.
It gives some details on things that people should maybe know about me, as well as containing links for more details and explanations in some of them.
I did change my mind since last time.
I was revealing too much before, as some form of therapy, but now I’m embarrassed about it. Not a big deal, though.
I also struggled with some things because I wasn’t pushing my style onto the world hard enough.
This new version will change that.
It will reveal less, and it will be made in a format that is comfortable to me, even if it might seem silly nor not make sense to others.
Another thing that changed is that I got a taste of how people react to me, now that I have posted a bit and got some responses from previous journals.
I had no idea how people would treat me when I wrote the previous versions. Because of that, parts of the way I did things before were unnecessary.
I also regret the way I relied on the future, making promises to myself and others that I failed to keep.
Things changed and did not go to plan at all, so while it was reasonable for me to think it would go as planned, it didn’t.
This will be addressed below (part 6).
As of writing this, though (Mar 2023), I’m not even stable yet, so I might be repeating the same mistakes from before, but I need to make a move, so I don’t have much of a choice. I might update it later.
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PART 2 – PERSONAL DETAILS:
This part will give some details about me and the things that people should probably know about my personality, tastes, what I draw, some miscellaneous behavior and so on.
This is for the usual questions I would expect people to ask (only for what I would bother answering).
2-a) WHAT I DRAW AND WHAT I LIKE:
I make a lot of lewd content and my stuff can be VERY NSFW.
I do a lot of fetish stuff that can be weird, gross or both, and it can be very bizarre sometimes.
It can also be a little puzzling, or not make sense. I expect this to become more of a thing as the disconnect grows between me and the art of other people.
For more specific details on the themes I draw, go HERE([03] THEMES I DRAW).
It’s important to point out that I DO NOT have a “strong filter” or “high tolerance” to most fetishes and forms of content, even though what I draw can be considered “disturbing” by some. Don’t assume I’d stomach some fetishes just because of what I like.
I like to think my sensibility to stuff makes sense, but I feel like pointing this out because it can surprise people (and has surprised people in the past).
More on that later (part 3) or HERE([08] CONTENT OF MY TRAUMA).
I also do a lot of RANDOM stuff, meaning that instead of sticking to a single setting, or repeating characters and settings, I keep on just making random stuff that isn’t meant to stick. Keep that in mind.
Most “characters” I feature aren’t even characters, are not planned, are being drawn for the first time and I probably won’t draw them again.
There is also more on that HERE([03] THEMES I DRAW).
Outside of lewd art, things that I enjoy have to do with the known, the unknown and the unknowable. Things like systems and how they work, sciences, fictional sciences, aesthetics, symbolism and the occult.
I might do some SFW art now and then, especially if it is for my main setting.
More info on this goes HERE([04] OTHER THINGS I LIKE).
Do not expect me to be social about my interests, though.
I do not wish to bond with anyone over any of this, but I’m happy to just show it to people who want to see it.
2-b) WHAT I’M LIKE:
I don’t feel like giving a lot of details anymore. I don’t feel like that is necessary.
These are silly personal things that I expect some people would ask out of curiosity. I guess this is the part you could expect from a “normal” bio.
Still, I don’t feel like giving information just because it’s the “expected thing to do” anymore, or because it’s normal. I guess that already says something about me.
First I should mention my fursona. I see my fursona as myself. I don’t treat my fursona like a character, but like my fursona is me. My fursona is my fictional self, because I dislike reality so much.
Someone can get a good idea of what I’m like from my fursona, but my fursona is my happy self, and I don’t like presenting that version of me too much.
This can be seen in how I tend to keep my sona away from other people, but also in the secret language I’m making (more on part 5-d).
My happy side is not a side of me I want to share with real people.
I should also mention my OCD and potential autism, since these can get in the way of me doing things. I expect this to be clear to anyone who has been watching me since around 2021 or 2022.
I can struggle A LOT with things that are very easy for most people.
I can have weird mental barriers that people might not understand.
I need things done in a particular way or else my brain freezes.
I could have done a lot more if that wasn’t the case.
So I struggled with posting even though to some it made no sense. I know that it looked like I had no reason to be struggling so much, but it’s just the way I am.
I’ll say more about that later.
I’m also not open to friendships, but more on that later (part 2-d).
I might not interact with comments as much anymore, more on that later (part 4-a).
I’m upset very often, and I can be very volatile, moody, cynical and sarcastic, and I make no effort to make it clear when I’m doing that. I feel like I shouldn’t interact with people very often.
When I first returned, I think I was revealing a lot because I was leaving the door open for a connection with the fandom.
That changed, so I don’t feel like giving more details. More on that later (part 2-f).
2-c) ME AND KAT:
Kat will show up in a lot of my drawings. She is very important to me.
She is both real and not. Somewhere in between. More than just a character.
Kat is a tulpa, or a form of imaginary friend that has some sentience or her own will.
She only exists in my head, but she can want, say or feel things separate from me, but we know everything the other is thinking.
I created her accidentally by unknowingly following the steps for tulpa creation.
2-d) THE OLD ME:
Even before me going public again in 2021, this isn’t my first time.
Originally I openly named all of the other aliases I went by. That’s all still there for those who are curious, but I don’t feel like mentioning it.
Just know that I have done a lot of stuff publicly before 2021.
I did a lot that I regret, especially in the more turbulent years of my trauma and hatred, but I don’t want to talk about it anymore.
Things were good a long time ago. Then things were really bad. Now I have to deal with that, and I’m still not over it.
2-d) I DON’T MAKE FRIENDS:
If you’re not someone I knew from before I went into hiding in 2020, then your chances of befriending me are zero. If you think it will be different for you and that you wanna try (like some did before), then you will faceplant against a brick wall (like they did). I don’t want any friends.
The only person beyond Kat that I would consider a friend is someone from before. And I’m way more willing to be receptive to people I already knew from the old days. But anyone new? No. I’m done with that.
I seriously regret interacting with some people who I considered friends at some point, and I don’t want that anymore. I don’t need it. I don’t need to take this risk.
When I first returned I thought this could change, and that I could open up. But I feel like I only got sturdier with how much I want to avoid friendships.
More information: HERE([05] NO FRIENDS POLICY).
2-f) ME AND THE FANDOM:
As mentioned above, things happened. The stuff this fandom makes WAS really important to me (and fandoms surrounding kinky stuff in general).
I was never too social, but I always loved drawing things, and I loved looking at things more than anything else.
Then I saw things that made me change my mind, and now I’m really scared of what I can find in other people’s creations.
More on that later (part 3), or HERE([08] CONTENT OF MY TRAUMA).
I’m back here because I’ll need to pay the bills eventually, and I don’t think I could do better on anything else.
As much as I’d rather go into hiding forever, anything else would be more torture than this. I’m too socially inept.
More information on how I feel about the fandom: HERE([09] RELATIONSHIP WITH THE FANDOM).
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PART 3 – WHAT UPSETS ME AND WHY:
Like I said before, darker content can upset me A LOT, even though I like weird and bizarre stuff.
It can ruin my day, my week, the whole month, or even bother me years after. I still struggle with some memories from years ago.
It made me start avoiding things that I like, things that are safe, just because the risk is always there.
I stopped looking at other people’s art entirely.
And this goes beyond lewd stuff and fetishes, as horrible dark content can be mainstream, which means I have to avoid fiction in general.
3-a) THINGS I DISLIKE:
First of all, I don’t mean to tell people what to like. I know I can’t.
I just wish people would understand how clear it is to me.
But like I said before, I REALLY dislike content that is cruel, bleak or grimdark, involving things like agony, bad fates, despair, hopelessness, nihilism, devaluing lives and so on.
Not caring about how someone is suffering, or even worse someone enjoying the agony of others just makes me EXTREMELY uneasy.
This could be coming from the characters being evil, or even the artist or those who enjoy the work, enjoying the torture of a character.
That’s it. To me it’s very fundamental and simple, hinging on empathy and well-being.
Be very careful with this, especially if you like something along those lines, because it can just make me feel REALLY bad, and I’ll react strongly to it, even if just internally.
Don’t mention it, don’t hint at it, it can ruin my opinion of you (if you care about that) and I’ll generally try to avoid interacting with people if I can help it.
Also do not tell me if this or that person is into it. I don’t want to know anything.
My brain just can’t handle it. I’ve tried to accept it for years, to tell myself what people tell me (that it’s not real, to each their own, and all that stuff), but it never works.
Something feels very wrong with it, and I can’t understand how some people are okay with that.
I could argue about it for days, but hopefully I’ll make my case more clear HERE([08] CONTENT OF MY TRAUMA).
3-b) I DON’T BROWSE ANYMORE, DON’T TRY TO SHOW ME STUFF:
Because I can be so sensitive to it, and because it’s not that hard to encounter, I decided to just STRONGLY AVOID all lewd art not made by me.
It used to inspire me a lot, and I used to enjoy it a lot, but I gave it up entirely. I had to.
I tried to use blacklists, I tried to just ignore what I didn’t like, I tried to have filters, but it never worked. I just don’t want anything anymore.
I don’t search for stuff anymore, I don’t look at it, and if I come across some of it by accident, I can cover part of my screen, close my eyes or look away.
I know it sounds silly, but I’ve been conditioned on emotional pain to react like that.
It doesn’t really matter if something is safe, because I still recognize danger in anything I didn’t draw myself.
And even if it IS totally safe and I know it, then it will just tempt me, and I know I can’t dive deep.
So I don’t want to look at anything anymore.
But it goes beyond that, and I avoid art in general, including fiction like shows, movies, cartoons, story-based videogames and so on.
This is because dark messed up stuff can go beyond yiff or drawn lewds, and popular culture is actually FILLED with non-lewd content that tortures me.
To me it’s not worth it to let this stuff enter my mind anymore, even if it means giving up on a lot of potential entertainment.
Most of this is repeated Explanation HERE([07] WHY NOT BROWSE ANYMORE). But there could be some extra details there.
3-c) DON’T MENTION ARTISTS OR FRANCHISES:
Because of the above, I obviously don’t want to know about artists or franchises that I’m not familiar with.
And of course I also don’t want to know anything of the artists and franchises that make me suffer.
So I ask people to just not say any names, it will make me uncomfortable, and if you end up mentioning someone that REALLY ruined me, then it will make me feel REALLY bad.
I don’t want to start any drama, of course, as that would put a massive target on my back, so me not saying anyone’s names is a way to avoid that.
I just feel like a lot of people can be angered if I expressed what I think of some franchises or some artists, so it’s probably best to never talk about it.
So I’ll pretend that I don’t know anything, and that I don’t know anyone.
I ask anyone interacting with me to do the same. I’ll probably just avoid you otherwise.
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PART 4 – COMMENTS, GIFTS, ART TRADES:
Because of the points above (in part 3), I obviously struggle a bit with some common fandom interactions.
Here I’ll go over some important things that people should know about that.
4-a) MY RELATIONSHIP WITH COMMENTS NOW:
At first I was willing to read comments and engage comments. I kinda liked to, and I was open to it.
Some things happened, however, and now I don’t really want to interact that much anymore.
I still check the notifications but I only skim through comments looking for question marks.
I feel like it is rude not to answer questions, so I’ll try not to ignore questions.
But still, I don’t really feel like the comments on my own submissions are safe for me. I’ll be cautious. I don’t want to block comments but I might do it eventually.
4-b) I DON’T LOOK AT GIFTS:
Because I refuse to look at new art, there is no way I am looking at gifts.
DO NOT DRAW THINGS FOR ME, it will be uncomfortable for us both. I won’t look no matter what.
If you want to gift me something, there are non-artistic ways of doing it that I’ll talk about below (part 4-d).
4-c) DON’T DRAW MY CHARACTERS, PLEASE:
It is silly, but I don’t think I trust the fandom well enough to feel comfortable with my characters in its hands.
Knowing the stuff that people do and the stuff that people like, I just don’t find it savory to have the same people handle my characters.
It feels like my territory, and I would like control over that, at least. But I know I can’t really stop anyone.
More importantly, though, NEVER tell me that it was done.
Whether you did it, or you want to warn me of someone who did it, it doesn’t matter, I don’t want to know. Do not tell me.
If you ask me for permission, I’ll know it is being done, so the answer will be no.
Again, this is not a big deal, I just don’t wanna know about it.
4-d) WHAT I’M WILLING TO TRADE FOR FREE ART:
Now, while I’m not willing to do “normal” art trades, I can still trade free drawings for something else.
This is a bit complicated, and I don’t expect people to understand, but you can do some tasks and errands for me, in exchange for free drawings.
What exactly those are will vary and change based on my current needs, but they are non-artistic things.
Some examples are getting data, doing research, decompiling games/applications, coding programs that would be useful to me, contributing to some of my projects and so on.
Most of it will probably involve coding or programming, or tutorials that help me learn something I want to learn.
Because the specifics can vary a lot, the quality of the drawings and the amount of drawings should be discussed on a case-by-case basis.
For more details on what I need, I’ll leave this journal HERE([06] ART TRADE QUESTS).
Again, it will probably keep changing as my needs change, so if you want free art and you think you can deliver some of those, I’m open to it.
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PART 5 – POSTING, MY WORKFLOW, PECULIAR THINGS:
This part is interesting for people who care about my posting rhythm, and how I do things.
This goes over some of the specific things I do, and the specific ways I go about things.
5-a) POSTING IN ORDER AND PREVIOUS ISSUES:
This is where I expect people to be confused about why I stopped posting for so long.
It has to do with burning out and side-projects piling up, but also with some mental barriers I have when it comes to posting.
It might seem silly, but I feel uncomfortable if I’m posting things arbitrarily and out of order.
I tried this for a while after my tablet pen broke and I needed to replace it (since I totally lost the rhythm) and I HATED it, it’s a big part of what made me stop.
I feel like I just get lost and it gets harder to keep track of all the things I keep track of, so my brain has to do extra work and it is exhausting.
So I only want to post things in the order I draw them, starting from the 2020 drawings.
This isn’t a strict rule, and sometimes I can post older things out of order, but it has to be the norm, or else I get very stressed with posting.
As a result, the drawings I post are OLD and FROM THE PAST, so I’m just going through a massive backlog of drawings and nothing I post has been made recently.
Another issue is tagging, which I struggled with a lot, more on that later (part 5-c and part 6).
To fix this I tried to make a tag helper, but it wasn’t good enough, so I had to make a 2.0 version.
As of right now (Mar 2023) it’s not done yet, but I don’t want to post without having that done.
5-b) PROBLEMS WITH MY PRODUCTIVITY:
I used to feel really good about being able to do at least two full drawings a day, and I came back into the fandom in 2021 with that confidence.
That soon crumbled, because I lost that ability for some reason.
There was a week in April 2021 where I was making 8 full colored and shaded drawings a day (for 4 days), and now I can barely do one.
I think I’m just burning out too much and losing confidence in myself, but I’m constantly trying to find ways around that, by trying easier drawing techniques.
I hope to post at least 2 drawings a day, and also make 2 drawings a day. We’ll see how things go.
5-c) TAGS, LACK OF CENSORED THUMBNAILS, MULTIPLE ACCOUNTS:
I struggled a lot with tagging, because most sites don’t really have good systems in place for “perfect” tagging.
I feel like I need “perfect” tagging for three reasons: My brain just likes it organized and well done, tagging is how I assume most new people find my drawings since I can hit a lot of obscure tags people browse, and of course I need to make sure people can blacklist things efficiently since I don’t like making censored thumbnails.
My reasoning for not censoring thumbnails is twofold.
I don’t wanna have to bother with one extra tedious step that will make the process of posting even more of a pain.
And also I KNOW that the thumbnails will make it harder for people to see what the piece is before they click, which means I won’t catch the eyes of people browsing as much.
I would put up with the second if the first wasn’t such a hassle, and if a site provides some AI-driven “automatic thumbnail censor” or whatever, I’m all for that.
But I feel like that responsibility belongs to the platform, not to me.
On InkBunny, I mostly just rely on tags and on the system letting people blacklist what they don’t like.
This is why most of my tags are based on how they work on InkBunny.
I’ll try my best to cover all possible aliases for the tags people use (which can be a lot, because it is somewhat disorganized), so that blacklists function perfectly.
On FurAffinity that is not an option, because FurAffinity doesn’t allow blacklisting yet.
My answer to that is making four main accounts to “censor” my content for people who do not like certain things.
The divisions are between “vanilla” content, gross content, weird content and of course all content.
The MAIN account posts ALL content I’m willing to share.
The WEIRD account repeats all content except for the things that are gross, so it’s CLEAN-WEIRD.
The DIRTY account repeats all content except for the things that are weird, so it’s MUNDANE-DIRTY.
And the TAME account only repeats the content that isn’t bizarre or gross.
There is a FA-only journal explaining it in more detail HERE.
I WILL ALSO USE TAGS ON FURAFFINITY, but place them on the description due to the absurd limitations of the normal tag system.
This allows tags to be used in searching, and allows for a lot more tags.
On HicceArs, there is also a four-account system much like on FurAffinity, but I will also rely on heavy-tagging because HicceArs does seem to have a blacklist.
I still have to scout the HicceArs tag system and I will probably just merge it with InkBunny tags to catch both.
5-d) WHAT IS THAT SECRET LANGUAGE I’M WORKING ON:
I’m creating my own conlang to be “our lovelang” (our meaning me and Kat). And there are a few reasons behind it:
I wanted to make my own conlang back in the day, when I started this project.
I wanted a secret language to write my intimacies in my diaries in case anyone made their way into my diaries.
Now I want a language that can replace real languages for me and Kat, since real languages can have some uncomfortable things in them.
And now I want a language to function as a soft filter for TMI stuff that I might put in my descriptions if it’s relevant to the drawing. This way only those who are dedicated to knowing what it is will ever read it.
I have some concerns, since while the language can be learned by anyone, the mods might dislike this whole deal.
I say this because I know that some streamers forbid languages in their chat that no mod speaks, since it cannot be moderated.
I hope I can do this, or else I’ll just straight up cut parts of my descriptions and people will miss on details.
Either way, this language is supposed to be super happy, and it’s the way I have of trying to reconnect with my happy side.
If I’m being happy, it should be in this language.
More about it HERE([10] OUR-CONLANG).
5-e) MY LENGTHY DESCRIPTIONS:
As some may or may not have noticed, I can release a deluge of words in some of my submission descriptions.
There is a reason for this, and it is that I like registering things about my drawings very tightly.
I used to not do it, and let the context behind the drawing either be lost to time, or have small fragments survive buried in my diaries.
When I started doing descriptions for myself, I wondered why I wasn’t doing it sooner.
I keep all my descriptions in a spreadsheet file where I keep information about my drawings, and I try to register as much context and relevant information as I can.
I share these descriptions because writing new descriptions that are shorter would be extra work, so it’s either the raw stuff or nothing.
As a result, these descriptions should NOT be taken as me talking to my “audience” in the present.
It’s mostly me talking to myself, or to a fictional, potential “audience” in my head, since by the time the drawing goes public, several months have passed, so whatever was written is probably historical or outdated at this point.
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PART 6 – ADDRESSING 2021 AND MY FAILURE TO RETURN SO FAR:
Things obviously did not go how I planned, and while I wanted to quickly reestablish myself into the fandom in 2021, that all ended up crashing and burning.
This part will go over the problems that have caused me to step away again for all this time, since mid-late 2021 all the way to now, early 2023.
6-a) HOW I WANTED IT TO GO:
My BetterHelp “therapist” at the time advised me to return to the fandom sooner, rather than later (mid 2021 instead of 2022), and I also wanted to hit some specific important dates.
2021 was going to be the 10 year anniversary of many important moments of me becoming a furry, including the first time I’ve drawn lots of things that are now very important to me. So I cared a lot about the year going well.
I was prepared to be noticed by some people really fast, which is why I had some things in my journal addressing them, providing explanations that they could have wanted.
At first things were going as I expected, actually, and I did reach A LOT of the people I expected, even faster than I expected.
Had I continued, it would probably mean I would end up exactly where I thought I would.
I was also prepared to be a lot more social and open than I am now.
I was expecting myself to change, to soften, and I was feeling a pull towards being part of the community again.
All of this has obviously changed.
6-b) WHAT PROBABLY WENT WRONG:
I came in all prepared and stuff, with my journals ready, doing things in the right date, and things went really well.
Then I started falling behind with some things. It was silly, but I was just struggling a bit, but nothing that was bad.
Earlier that year, something bad IRL happened, but it didn’t end in disaster so I managed to keep going.
I was doing the anniversaries and I still wanted the year to go well.
Then… I kinda got lost in commissions and I missed one important anniversary drawing.
I didn’t think that was a big issue, but things kept going down.
If the problem was only my work ethic and me failing to keep my own dates, then I probably would have recovered fast.
But something REALLY bad happened IRL, and it just ruined the whole year for me.
I don’t wanna talk about it, but I made a lot of sacrifices that year to make it the year I start growing again, to make it a special year. I was vulnerable.
So of course, fate decides to strike me when I’m vulnerable, and I really didn’t recover from that until mid-early 2022.
I tried to return in 2022, since I’m wasting A LOT of time and I feel HORRIBLE about it, but I didn’t feel comfortable enough.
I tried to do the anniversaries again, instead, as 11-year-anniversaries instead of 10.
For a while that went really well, and I had some good moments, isolated, just me and Kat, mostly, focusing on those important redraws and not on the fandom.
Then I failed that too, at the end of 2022.
Right now I’m trying to learn from all of that and have a more practical year, but I need to solve the underlying issues that prevented me from returning in 2022.
I want it to be comfortable, so I’m working on it.
6-b) JOURNAL REGRETS:
And finally, why I’m re-making these journals.
Well, I have deep regrets with what I wrote before, because I counted a lot on how things were GOING to go, and all of that failed, of course.
The journals I wrote before were meant as a timeless thing, as something people could read to get an idea on who I was and what my gallery was about, whether it was the beginning of me posting or way later.
That was a mistake.
Since things didn’t pan out as I wanted, a lot of what I said there ended up being silly and stupid.
So now I’m re-making these introductory journals so that they can be more accurate, and hopefully I don’t make the same mistakes again.
I still plan on updating these as time goes, so we will see.
I have also given up on most of my projects, which also makes a lot of the journals obsolete.
I want to restart fresh, without really having to worry about any projects in 2023. The plan is to just do the tag helper and return.
As of now (Mar 2023), that hasn’t happened yet, so we’ll see.
I might edit this part
Last modified 20/05/2023
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