Well hello furry folk.

I should probably draw some NSFW stuff... Might lighten up the place a bit, no?

I'm still drawing folks.

-I've just been stroking my own personal fancies when it comes to what I've been drawing lately, and these projects been getting pretty lengthy... but I'm still coming around here from time to time, dont worry:)

I honestly didn't have anything super important to write about today, but the journal entry I've had up on the front of my gallery page for the last four months was a poem I wrote when I was rather deeply inebriated (I have a strange mental condition where the more I drink, the more I tend to get poetically literate) ...so in this case, I'm only replacing the entry with something more up-to-date.

So here's what I'm up to lately:

I started a drawing of two male corgi characters a couple weeks ago in collaboration with Lucius (VolsungKaesoron); and I made some pretty solid progress on them (although i put them on hold for now). About a week ago I started sketching another drawing based on Warhammer 40k lore. In this case, I'm drawing a personal character as an Astartes (space marine) of the Third Legion [The Emperors Children] as a unicorn and this has been my primary focus for drawing lately.

as far as IRL goes:
-In the words of my love, "its pretty Dyatlov" ["not great but not terrible": Quoted from Anatoly Dyatlov in HBO's *Chernobyl* miniseries -side note: the thing Dyatlov was saying "wasn't great but wasn't terrible" was in fact far worse than he was downplaying, and everyone knows he secretly knew it was worse in reality]

So at work, they laid off a bunch of folks in my factory division. We over-produced apparently. It seems that there is a certain reward for some of us workers for being pushed by the administration heads who were telling us "go faster, you're falling behind!" and "the more you get done, the better the bonus!". So now it appears the reward is to be 'laid off' for getting too much done too quickly.
-fortunately, I didn't get fired myself. but still... it stirs in my head that some folks I've worked with for years got fired for busting their asses.
my partner/assistant was transferred to a different part of the factory (at least she wasn't fired), so now I'm back to doing about two and a half peoples' worth of work.

I suppose that's the "not great but not terrible" part... I'm too reliable to get fired, but now I'm doing twice the work.
At least I'll be getting better physical fitness exercise at work; I've already got strong-looking arms, shoulders, and neck muscles that don't match the rest of my skinny-ass body from my job... just as long as I don't continue breaking down to various forms of chronic pain:)

I’m tired, but I can’t sleep.
I’m Hungry, but whenever can I eat?
I’m angry, but I’ll be scared of your reproach.

You’ll find this format lackadaisical.
You may find it incompetent and benign in approach.
You might even find this lazy and misunderstandable, or complex with flaw.

This pathetic display is only for one:
It’s he who saw another sad pawn who thinks he knows it all;
And when the night is gone, no doubt it will leave me banging my head in the wall.

It’s not to say I’m remorseful for saying this all,
But I’ll likely regret it at the end of nightfall.
I’m a coward in most ways, but confident on my worst days;

A backhanded and passive expression, this is not meant to be.
This is all that came to me, not to air dirty laundry.
I’m a drunken fool at times, but that’s the game you know that I play.

My intention was never offense, being smart isn’t my strength.
But I felt offense, it would be a lie if I didn’t say.
It was harsh, the rhetoric from either way.

Misunderstandings define our fights. Who is wrong, who is right?
You are… most of the time, to be fair.
But to wrong all the time, it urges one like me to get into fights.

to this end, I have to air:
at this point, I don’t really care. Its one more thing to forget,
If not, I know I’ll simply live in regret.

In fact, I regretted this poem the moment I wrote it out;
And every moment it exists brings out more doubt,
But somehow, it felt pretty good to write.

And whether you think it’s stupid, unreasonable, and full of clout,
For every fool who sees it and thinks, “what garbage is this shite?”
At least you know, I wrote it for you, ye beautiful cunt.

Look at my personal info and see... Recently updated my personal about info; changed my personal quote to "what can a person learn if not learning from themselves,"-me. (as it appears now)
-at first I didn't change my original quote, "its people... soilent green is made out of peeooople!" then later I added the former- ["what can a person learn if not learning from themselves,"-me, you fucking cunts.] -for the most-part i was completely honest about what I wrote... The fact they removed my obscenity... (do they even show "you fucking cunts"?) I mean... I frankly could care less how offended anyone is about this goddamn word. That was the entire point of this experiment.. Would you give in to this? I'm asking you, you personally, you who reads this forsaken journal; you furry fanatic, you who are already counter-culture in essence, you who are already obscene by the standard definition of the average so-called fucking social norm, you who finds indifference in everything that they (the sickened society you live) has ever said is degenerate... are you so offended? -how I ask... How are you so fickle? How are you so delighted by this disgusting intolerance of vulgarity? maybe not you personally... maybe you are like me. but non the less... this site, this system of debauchery (a term I love) as they claim, hates the fact I like using profanity as the word "cunt", (perhaps you find offensive), but I especially love those cuntboys! they too being the result of consequence of that all-too-human sequence of dysphoria... yet so many of ya'll treat the ones who don't claim themselves trans-sexual as a fucking delinquency... who are you? the catholic church??
by the gods... I've never been more ashamed of the counter-cultural underground as I've ever been here. Its never been something I've been more aware of than now.. This subject expands beyond the context of what I initially started this journal, that this site, an artistic pornography site, hasn't the real ethics that we fucked-up deviants represent; yet prescribes to the dystopian philosophy "be unique and uncouth, as long as its OUR idea of unique and uncouth" -as long as you don't say "cunt" apparently.. as long as you are woke LGBTQ cooperative.. I'm the fucking B there (at the least)... do my personal thoughts count? I cant help but reject these rainbow flags for such a reason... Its no longer about pride in yourself.. its a cult. Everything that was once a definition of pride in variation, pride in the unique, pride in individuality; it has all become something to be "Defined within acceptable [woke] parameters." I'm not a dude with top or bottom body dysphoria or dysmorphia, but I've seen how this cult treats them, or frankly anyone stepping out of line, and its saddening that these people, these rainbow wokests, who have been getting stepped on their entire lives for being different are now acting like the thought-fascists that used to step on them.

You know what... I frankly don't give a fuck how many followers/watchers I lose for this, I don't care about blacklists, about being shamed, ridiculed, or restricted to use. This is how I goddamn feel ya fuckin' Cunts, and there's not a goddamn thing that will ever make me feel better than seeing those offended by such rhetoric being infuriated at the fact I said as much.

-"God" bless, Jack Redshank Rune

The Bohemian King and the Dumpster Savant

Beholden onto me, ye dumpster savant!
This bohemian kind finds you not to taunt.
Bequeath to me, your shining sea, your loving gaze, and withering ways
Underneath it I see, discourse it all be, you half-hearted tease, this indulging decay.
Beneath it I See! All this dumpster distraught,
The Bohemian king finds you not to daunt.
All I find are fools above me, they bring me to my knees, I hate myself this way.
A savior of the trash, regardless of the filth, is filth not like me?
Now this is the way, a rubbish proud heretic lounge.
The best kind of debauchery, only a pauper can scrounge!
Seven sins as they say, talk to me I’ll give you it the best way.
“Sober as a sorry cunt”, sorry to be blunt, I’d rather be the fox in a hunt!
Twelve steps may save thee, but hell, I’ll yet see you free!
Hate yourself for all it’s worth, hate the world and every person on this earth...
Find yourself in the garbage can, love the refuse and decay, adore the rot and dismay, salvage the shit and pointless discard, I know you’ll find it in your heart;
The smell offends like a bell from hell; but I know this well, this has been my life and I take it in strife
Was I here at all? I simply don’t recall. The clock-in says it all.
I’ve been wasted yield on a plowed field, mind weakened and body stilled.
Yet can you see? We’re all we can be… here in the supposed land of the free.
We have what they’ve given. but either dignity be a riddle, or just forget it and get shitty dental.
If life if a constant bureaucracy, paper and pen, I’d sooner give in-
To a theocracy that’d see me crucified and dead.
Cultures change, we trade one more lie for another in exchange.
I know well the toxic sham busting this dam. this woke shill, taking every hill
“be me, or be nothing!”, one might say. Fucked, as I’d say in such dismay.
This dumpster fire burns, how did it become so much my concern?
To which I’ve learned, chaos of the heart is only ever earned, and it will forever burn.
Sing it like a songbird, write it like everyone else has always heard.
Cursed be it… the inspired trash who will resent life, love, and pursuit of anguish.
love all that one may, love yourself at your own dismay; this is life, what else but thus?
Contemplate what you may, you desperate twat. one thing means another, It’s all for one’s own thought.
Forget me, lest you be a dumpster savant!

In a recent series of events, I've been on something of a strange unforeseen vision quest that wasn't necessarily initiated intentionally, and thusly came unsuspectedly as it continued to lead me from one horizon to the next. about a week and a half ago, I made a dramatic change in my habits as a necessity for the sake of my physical health let alone my financial well-being. While I don't feel it's necessary to clarify what the exact habitual change was, it's more than reasonable to say that most folks who have addictive tendencies would understand perfectly the bane certain vices present on an individual.. and to recover from such substance addictions (no matter the severity, from heroin to tobacco) can prove to be some of the most difficult tasks one could ever overcome. As a reflex of these changes, an individual must undergo a form of physical withdrawals; for some substances, the effects of withdrawal could be unquestionably worse to the physical body and psyche than others depending on both the substance and the individual's conviction to it. In this case for me, I'll simply say, I've known the effects of heroin withdrawals firsthand, and while I haven't indulged in that particular vice in several years, this one was culpable in comparison. Its understood in some circumstances that the weight of physical and mental depravities from distractions of vice can provide certain visions or revelations, hence is the principal of the traditional vision quest, where one deprives themselves from food, water, and physical distractions and enters a social isolation for a certain number of days with the intention to bring forth a spiritual vision. I once participated in such a tradition (in the intentional capacity) about four or five years ago after my first taste of new-found sobriety. I had my vision, my spiritual guide appeared to me, and I plotted the fashion to live my life as that vision presented. But there were still mysteries to be learned. A person is not made perfect by a revelation, and all too often, individuals may find themselves "riding the pink cloud" as we in early recovery called it.. which clarified, describes a tendency for those who are freshly sobered to life as "full of themselves"; One who rides the pink cloud is only freshly recovered and feels a sense of euphoria from the fact they have overcome a great life challenge that they may not have thought possible. Its a form of Survivors guilt. I have rode the pink cloud before.. I understand perfectly what this feeling is like. So now when I consider the position I'm in now, being recently recovered from yet another symptom of a deep psychological flaw of mine (addiction with a new face), I'm torn between understanding what parts are real revelations of understanding my reality, and which parts are simply my endorphins hitting new parts of my brain chemistry and my sub-conscious mind making explanations for it where my conscious mind cannot explain.

In truth, I find a deep comfort with making these spiritual connections to it all; I've never in my life been the explicitly spiritual type that can easily form the explanations around that of the super-natural, or at the very least, unexplainable quantum phenomenon. That's not to say that I dont believe in this at all, but there is always an equal side of skepticism in my psyche. At my worst points in life, this side was so overwhelming, It made me a nihilist and profound cynic. But as I've moved past the cynicism and sheer nihilism, I've discovered as I gained maturity that the most honest understanding of reality lies between the two.. belief in the unexplainable, and blunt skepticism. In any case, as a result of this recent form of vision questing, I've had kind of a spiritual awakening. The skeptic side of my psyche continues to tell me, "that's the pink cloud talking, bud" but the more open-minded side is telling me "see what you see and let it be". It seems following the latter voice has been more beneficial in essence. The ability to discern coincidence with super-natural intervention becomes quite difficult to understand if you hold less bearing on either as these things happen, because as the latter voice says, "see what you see and let it be", the implication here is that you're already leaving your luck (I resent the notion of "fate") to the unknown, knowing what is to happen will happen, and that's that. The part that makes it a spiritual behavior is if one believes that the actions to happen are a result of something one has previously done, (essentially similar idea to karma). A skeptic only sees coincidence, good or bad. So where am I here, where am I in the Now?

Well understanding this premise, you probably understand where my conscious explorations have lead me. At best, I'm at my most spiritualistic... and this has been beneficial for me so far. But always lingers a cynical purview of it... a part of my subconscious that will never leave me, and will either ever be the pinnacle of my psychological downfall, or my perfect moment of clarity. The mind can be such a cunt sometimes.

Today I've received a lot of news from my boyfriend, Lucius, who's been in this desperate situation being stuck in a country currently despised by the world and himself. While its been my personal preference to keep my art page clean of any political themed shit, In this circumstance I feel it may be important to outline a couple particular event he's reported to me:

For one, he's told me that Russia may soon be implementing Martial Law. This could very well mean that the internet for the whole country may be shut down, in which case, I will most likely lose contact with him indefinitely. On top of this, he's told me that mass conscriptions into military service is possible. He, being military age, very well may be a target for conscription; to be honest, this frightens me. The implications that have followed a lot of these stories of forced service is atrocious, as protestors of the war have been rumored to be imprisoned or placed into forced service. I fear the worst if our sources of communication are severed.

Additionally, it felt appropriate to report on this topic: According to the information he's provided me, as well as a video he said is being live-streamed on Russian media, Russian troops have been shelling Zaporozhye Nuclear Power Plant; On my end, I haven't of yet seen any updated articles describing more than the troops surrounding the plant, however the earliest report of which was only written this morning. But like I said, he did send me a clip of the feed and in it, the report corroborates that reactor one has caught fire and firemen have not been able to get to the fire due to the shelling. I think this a particularly dangerous scenario... and its absolutely worth addressing, regardless of who's side this information comes from.

Lastly, this mostly regards the restrictions on the flow of information coming from all sides of the war. I don't understand how we as the western world of liberalism (in the classic sense of the word) can possibly find it acceptable to restrict the flow of information that is even outside our own preferences. Minding that with every war, there will always be propaganda campaigns of every distinction and every perspective; when the realm of free-thought is barraged with two equal, yet opposite, forms of propagandist information, the thinker can often find it easier to assume a mantel of deductive reasoning to find the truth in reality. however, when one side of this realm is blocked from the other side, the thinker is much easier to form a disillusion of singular perspective. In essence, by censoring one side or the other, a polarization is created and within that polarization comes radicalization. I detest this. I deeply detest this. WE ARE BETTER THAN THAT.

We see Putin's regime assume control of their media and enforce a law that determines that "military misinformation" which is as simple as perhaps, "Ukraine destroyed the russian tank column" can result in a fifteen year sentence in prison.. then what do we westerners do? Google, Youtube, facebook, etc. all decide to start banning russian media. I've heard a certain university removed an author from their Library because his NAME was something Russian... for god's sake, this is egregious. Its not anything like a fifteen year sentence just yet, but at this pace its inevitable! We've been doing this shit already for two damn years... are we going to learn yet?? *Glory to Oceania*

listen... not everyone will have the right information, not everyone will ever get the right information, but I know damn well that I wouldn't trust anyone who has to silence their opposition in order to make people trust them. And the fact that this is being deliberately done on both sides of this conflict is what sickens me. Putin is the biggest scum, but the rest of the world leaders are all scum too. No one will change my opinion about that.

The following is a journal entry from my boyfriend's page... I don't need to elaborate anymore of what he's feeling right now, he does so himself most profoundly in this passage. Please, I implore all of you here who visit my gallery to read this post:

You know, there is such an expression - "Awarded posthumously"?
This is when a person is gone, but the memory of his valor remains.
So, for example, in Ukraine they did with the defenders of the Serpent Island, who sent the message to the Russian ship - to fuck off (thank God turns out - they were just captured) ... but this does not change the essence.

Why am I even writing this?
Because something similar happened to me.
I am posthumously dishonored.

No, I'm not a rich Russian furry artist who, after 2014 (another Russian atrocity), was swimming in money due to the change in the exchange rate.
Who, say, bought several apartments at once with a mortgage and now wipes their snotty nose from tears, complaining to the compassionate American public how the evil uncle Putin destroyed their future.

I'm not even complaining just because I didn't have a future before.
In life, squeezed on the one hand by the miracles of the "free market", and on the other hand by the debts of a dementive family dreaming of the revival of the USSR, there is little room for fantasies about the future.
I don't even complain about that. This filthy family has always poisoned my life.
Who cares.
And what about poverty?... Which is waiting for Russia in the very near future, eh..?
And again - I can not be surprised.

For example, now, taking into account the exchange rate of the ruble and the dollar today, my daily wage is $5.
... And I have to pay half of my monthly salary for debts.
Feel the difference, as they say.

So - nope. I'm not complaining.
I'm used to it.
I was ready to overstrain soon, peacefully lie down to the warm earth.
And accept death without regrets.


But now even that is denied me.

There was a saying in Ancient Egypt: The best thing History can do for you is to forget your name.
The ancient Romans said: He lived his life well who lived it quietly.
I can't count on this anymore.
After all, I'm Russian.
Now this word is forever stained with senseless malice, poisonous hatred and treachery.
Treachery.
Treachery!
And once again treachery!

You do not trust me?
Look around!
The Great Russian Hur-dur-dur Nation rejoices at the pain of Ukraine! Satanic high, like an orgasm!
Not an ounce of empathy.
Not an ounce of humanity.

... The answer to the question "whether the Russians want wars" has been received...


To be Russian now is to be one of the bloodthirsty barbarians.
To be Russian now means to be a servant of the devil, who frankly rejoices in death in a treacherous slaughter.
To be Russian, at the moment, is to be a degenerate, an idiot and a scum.

And in fact it is forever.

Even if I were homeless, and curled up in the snow in the forest, freezing to death - my corpse would not just be the corpse of a nameless person.
Now it is the corpse of a Russian. The corpse of a degenerate and scum.

For the whole world... and especially for a Ukrainian - I am an outsider, I am a stranger. I am the enemy.
... But the greatest irony is that even before the start of the Ukrainian Revolution of Dignity, I hated this country and regime.
And from the very beginning he supported Maidan of Independence - sending money there.
Oh, sorry, not to the Maidan.
"На игрушки".

I experienced sorrows and joys with the Ukrainian people.
I remember the first shock after the Crimean demarche.
I remember how the mayor of one of the southeastern Ukrainian cities was found dead with a cut stomach in a local pond when pro-Russian bandits showed up there.
I remember the first inspired weeks... VK-groups like Kolomoisky broadcasts... or Black men - hunters of green men.
I remember the shock and indignation when the Russians crossed the border...although "there are no Russian troops in Ukraine!" and the Illovai cauldron... when the feeling of shame corroded me like acid.
I remember the message "Do not fly in our sky!" after which Russian saboteurs realized that they shot down a passenger plane.

I remember it all.

But who will believe me.
After all, I'm Russian.
Who cares.
After all, I'm Russian.

And now I am a stranger to my own and a stranger to strangers.
An enemy to one's own and an enemy to one's enemies.
Outcast in the most recent sense of the word.
In the middle of a whole country whose state ideology is fierce xenophobia.

All these Poor Russian Fellas here are now squealing about the fact that their future was stolen from them ... Or they are squealing about the valiant victories of the Russian Weapons against the Ukrainian Nazis (Jesus, seriously?!!) ...
...I don't.

All I wanted was a peaceful death.

But you bastards took it from me.
All of you, Mr. Putin and the rest of the oligarchs and members of "backroom" forums and lodges.
You - officials, bankers, generals and "Russian officers" (there is no creature meaner than a Russian officer! remember this).
And also you - warmongers and just idiots.
I won't forgive you. Never.

Now I can't even rest in peace.
Even my death will be marked by dishonor.

I was a poor but honest man who had his dignity.
Now you've taken the last thing I had.

Now I am not a future nameless corpse that will become fertile land.
Now I'm a rabid Russian dog, worthy only to be shot.


For - now I am dishonored posthumously.

I decided to change my fursona again.. not that I didn't love being a Scottish collie, it just felt like the right time to change to something that feels much more in tune with my own nature. I'm a total sucker for animal totemism, and my first fursona, the ram, was strongly based on this concept along with the strong connection to things that had occured in my life (I wrote an older journal entry that explained this whole thing, if whoever reads this is interested) but in this case, I found that the representation of the hare is much more fitting to the way I've been feeling both through introspection of my own nature, and to the events and things occurring in the world around me. I've long struggled with the feeling of indifference toward the broader culture of this society.. I quite literally grew up in isolation from the majority of humanity and spent much of my time wondering around and playing out in the open wilderness, where most of the time the only company I kept was with the critters of the desert. One such critter that was always constant in this part of my life were the hares, jack-rabbits, and cottontails.. the hares fascinated me in the sense that although they were a prey species, they were quite agile, quiet, quick, and extremely cleaver. I've seen them be chased by both coyotes and foxes and use incredibly smart tactics to outwit their chasers. These were the true survivalists.

One particular internal conflict I face consistently is the romanticizing of the wilderness of my youth where I never had to worry or feel antagonized by the delusional angst of general human stupidity.. oh how this culture has saturated itself in such dense hypocrisy and narrow minded spirits that fail to see the repetition of self defeating principles and how these mindsets have damn near destroyed everything it has touched.. I seem to digress into this rant every time I begin to contemplate it. For now I am stuck in this station where I have no choice but to deal with it... the day will come perhaps when I will either have the chance, or rather have no choice but to abandon being in this mess of a society.

It may seem like this is a long jump from one subject to another; although it seems unrelated on the surface, this feeling is what strongly influenced my decision to become a hare. I can see how many might see this as a radically unimportant way to cope with the world, but It feels now in my real life that I'm on constant alert to the changes my environment has so quickly undergone in such little time; I feel this need to be ready to quickly change my circumstances at a moments notice and be ready to deal with whatever happens whether its benign or severe... much like a hare in the desert who smells or hears the presence of a coyote lingering in the sagebrush nearby. While I say that the issues presented in current affairs weren't unpredictable (at least to me anyway), the world has become just scary and unbalanced enough that the real dangers of the future are not quite as easy to anticipate, so in this I feel as though I need to become the hare...

I don't why I am the way I am. Every time I feel like I'm saying something to do right for myself I end up shooting myself in the foot and saying something that I don't intend to say, or rather something that doesn't really mean what I feel. I don't know what I feel. My mind is so twisted with all sorts of bullshit from years of abusing it with chemicals to keep it all together, and now I'm living with the results and I can never seem to grasp what it is that's true. I cant possibly articulate what goes on in my head in a way that makes sense so when I do try to interpret what it is that I feel about one thing or another, I hurt others and that hurts me. I make someone else feel like I don't care enough, or I'm not interesting, or I'm misleading or lying to them, but this isn't the truth. It's never the truth. I wish I could explain that in a way that makes sense outside my head, but I cant. I don't know how to lead someone through this maze of unorganized thoughts, ideas, and ambitions that wraps itself around my brain, and do so in a way that can benefit everyone's expectations of me and the expectations I have of myself. I keep finding myself drowning in the deep end of myself and I keep pulling everyone else down with me and its fucking eating at me. I want to show the one I love how brilliant they are, and how much I really care about their ideas and creations but I cant even execute my own ideas successfully. I explain these things in all the wrong ways and I always end up being the piece of shit saying the exact wrong thing in the right way or the right thing in the exact wrong way. How can I possibly get someone to understand me when I don't even understand myself? Am I insane? how far down the rabbit hole in my head can someone sink before losing their damned mind and saying "fuck it! I give up!". I've been living with this shit for years and I'm nowhere closer to figuring it out myself. I don't even know if it's fucking possible... perhaps I'm just doomed to live with being a mentally twisted sad-sap for the rest of my life. I just wish there was a way someone could understand what I deal with in this head of mine.

Oh man... I am struggling with trying to get things drawn for the last week and a half. Idk what is up..
I have several projects I've started including requested pieces and personal projects, all in various states of incompletion from being fully-outlined and halfway colored to simple sketch concepts, but it seems that drawing in general has been a fight in my artist mindset. Its kind of like having restless leg syndrome but I can feel it in my whole body as I'm trying to draw.
I have no idea where this problem is stemming from, but I'm hoping this doesn't last too long... I got so much stuff I want to accomplish before the end of the year! At least I have a couple things I can post this weekend which I drew up fairly quick a week or two ago, some really cool ink color paintings I experimented with.

As you might know, I don't take commissions and I prefer to draw for free because this is a passion of hobby, not profession, so I offer instead to take on requests and suggestions...

Just in the last couple weeks I've recieved a TON of drawing requests from different people who have seen my work and liked what they see enough to ask if I could draw something for them; I'm flattered, YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME! and I'd love to do all of them as soon as I possibly can because as an artist, seeing people love your art enough that they want some that is unique to them or want to see how their own characters appear in my style is something really special!

But with that in mind, I do need to lay down some guide-lines:

GENERAL RULES:
-I cannot give you a deadline or estimate on how long it will be before I can start or finish your request. I apologize if it takes several months before I get to yours, but I usually only have three or so hours on average to draw every day because of my IRL work schedule. Some projects may take me weeks to complete, some can take up to a month and a half; mostly depending on the size. Also I have personal projects I end up waiting on starting in that time too.. so again, try to be patient.

-Given that I draw for free, don't get upset if I need to put off your requested drawing after starting it. It gets strenuous sometimes when I'm stuck in an "artist's block" or if something from IRL comes up and I cant physically draw or work on your piece. I promise I'll do everything I can to complete your request if I accept drawing it, but if all I can give you is a sketch, that's all I can give you.

-Please don't pester me about trying to get closer in the schedule. The way I do requests is first come, first serve. I line up my "requested works" schedule by order that I received them. Trust me, If I tell ya you're in the lineup, you're in the lineup. Personal projects however, will always be first priority. That's just a part of being artistically autonomous.

THE THINGS I WILL AND WONT DRAW:

-I'm strictly NSFW; I think we all can understand the meaning here. It can be a tasteful nude study, or it can be a "sexually charged" scene of some kind. I tend to lose interest drawing anything else.

-Anthropomorphic Only; I don't draw feral characters unfortunately. (I've never been very good at it tbh). Also, I don't draw Human x or other fantasy types like Elves, orcs, etc. Basically, if its an animal, fantasy or real, I'll draw it. Aeromorphs-- maybe; I'll at least consider it. Insects and bugs-- probably not.

-Any sexual orientation is okay; Any gender, any sexual preference, I'm willing to draw it so long as the characters can be considered legal adults (18+). Character appearance HAS to be indicative the character is of legal consent.. making the character look like a kid and saying they are 18+ years old WILL NOT fly with me.

-Extreme (to some moderate) fetishes such as vore, scat, gaping, deep pain infliction, rape, gore, death/necrophilia, watersports, extreme body mutation, etc. will not be accepted.

-Fetishes I AM willing to draw include: voyeurism, cuckold, moderate bdsm/ dominatrix, incest, Rule 63, Rule 34, size difference (within reason), foot/paw fetishism, blow jobs and cunnilingus, multiple partners, swinging/ partner swap, double penetration, solo masturbation, impregnation/ insemination, pregnancy, cum-shot, creampies, anal, pegging, dildo/strap-on, rimming/ ass-play. If you can think of any others that aren't listed, simply ask.

-finally if you start getting political in my gallery I will not accept any requests and you will be asked to remove yourself from my page. If it does not cease, you will be reported. This especially pertains to identity politics.. if you start harassing me or my partner for the way either of us identify ourselves or my artwork, you will be removed from my page. I will respect they way you personally identify yourself, and it will reflect in the taglines of your request and the way I communicate with you, but everything else that doesn't pertain to you personally, is not your business. I'm not a mean person, and I respect everyone equally, that is until you give me reason not to. Fair? fair.

Any and all questions you might still have about making requests, just send me a note and I'll do my best to get back to you. Sometimes I might miss it, in this case just wait patiently and send another one in a few days. Thank you again, I appreciate the consideration:)

This weekend I was encouraged by my BF to cook a meal for the first time in my new home, so he provided me with a wonderful recipe for a Russian-style barbecue of skewered pork over hot coals. The dish so stylishly called, "shashlyk" comprised of onion slices and pork neck fillets I carved off myself from the bone to be left marinaded over night in apple cider vinegar, salt, and coriander (cilantro to us American types), and skewered the next morning over burning coals. Although, the true Russian recipe calls for birch coals, I only had access to classic coal briquettes, so I supposed that's my American twist on it!

As the skewers cooked slowly, I applied a sauce I made from scratch which was derived of freshly chopped garlic, salt, a couple spoons full of vinegar, and ketchup. In my opinion, the sauce truly tied the whole thing together and created one of the most delicious barbecue foods I've ever made! oh, and I cant forget that I also grilled some vegetables such as squash, three colors of bell pepper, zucchini and mushrooms.

I gotta hand it to  VolsungKaesoron the man has good taste in grilled food!
....Even though he kept asking if I've realized Russian barbecue was better than American yet; perhaps.. but I could never solemnly admit that in a public domain...:)

If you read my last journal you would know I was struggling really hard to find a place to live before being evicted and rendered homeless... well, damn, do I have a story to tell you!!

On the day I was being evicted I had received a call-back from a realtor who was trying to lease out a two-bedroom apartment in the next town over (about 25 minute drive) and it was within my price range. So I burned rubber down to the apartment he advertised so that I could get a good look of the place before I signed any lease agreement. Long story short.. the guy was a conman posing as a realtor and he attempted to scam me into converting my deposit and first month of rent into bitcoin currency. I ended up spending about two hours reporting all the information to the local cops and they told me this happens a lot this time of year with all the college kids looking for places to live. But it ended up burning too much of my time because I had to be moved out by 12 pm and it was 11:35 by the time I could finish the report and I had a half-hour drive back, so again, I was high-tailing it through the narrow canyon that separated the towns.

Right before I got back into city limits, I was pulled over by a highway patrolman (surprisingly not for speeding) but rather because I had expired tags on my plate. I showed him my updated registration via phone picture, so he didn't write me a ticket for that, BUT.... when he ran my background he said that there was an issue with my licence; apparently, somewhere in the line of federal Bureaucratic B.S. someone at the DMV fucked up and invalidated my divers licence due to a medical condition (THAT I DON'T HAVE) so I've technically been driving around for the last three years with an Invalid drivers licence. The state trooper who pulled me over was very understanding.. he said that he understood the situation, and even though he would have technically been in the right by towing my car and sending me on my way by foot, he wasn't going to be a dick. He did however write a citation for the invalid license, but said I can overturn it whenever I go into the DMV to fix the mistake with the Medical condition.

I called my landlord and told him that I wasn't going to be completely moved out by 12 (it was about 12:30 already). He was irritated to say the least, but was understanding enough after telling him I've been scammed, evicted, rendered homeless, lost my drivers license, and just straight-up been the most unlucky man in the world all in one day, not even halfway through it.

I was fortunate enough that my twin sister was more than willing to let me store my stuff in her shed and let me stay with them for a week.. see, she's a first time mother, my nephew is only a few months old and her house was already full of things taking up too much space so I didn't want to burden her. The sad part for me was that if in the next week I couldn't find a perminent residence here, I wouldnt be able to stay in this town and that would have meant I'd have to give up my job..

BUT THEN MY LUCK SHIFTED DRAMATICALLY. A couple hours after moving my things to my sisters place, I recieved a call from a friend who said he knew this guy who was trying to lease these two really really unique properties.. both were studio apartments, the cheaper one had a hold on it until monday, which means someone else essentially paid $100 to have "dibs" on it but if they didn't claim it the following monday, it was free-game. The other however... still hadn't been claimed. So I got hold of the realtor, he showed me the place (as it turns out is just down the road from my previous residence) and he gave me a tour..

The thing about this place....
IT IS SIMPLY.. THE MOST UNIQUE... MOST ALIGNED WITH MY PERSONALITY.. COOLEST FREAKING APARTMENT I HAVE EVER LIVED IN. of course I had to take it! granted, its about twice the rent I was paying before.. but it was almost like the universe had played an elaborate game with me, as though everything shitty that happened that morning was a penance for the reward I was given in the afternoon. The building was started in the 1940's, and was built up layer by layer, each one from a different decade. My studio is on the bottom floor; sort of a half-basement where three of the four sides are underground, and the fourth faces away from the road and views a small stream and birch trees where a covered double-deck bends around a curving wall. the inside looks something like a 1960's house boat. You can see the art-deco inspired architecture on the outside, and post-modern Americana on the interior of my studio. The landlord told me this building is recognized as a historic landmark, hell, I even think the son of Henry Ford lived here when he went to college in the 60's. There's so many cool things about it... I cant even fathom my luck..

This place will be a great inspiration for my future artwork.. I can feel the creative energy flowing around here. --On a side note though.. I'm pretty damn sure people were shorter back in the 40's-60's because there are parts of the ceiling only three to five inches above my head and the kitchen counter is only a few inches above my knees! (I'm 5'11") so this wouldn't be so fun for someone who is in the 6 foot range!

I've found myself in a pretty difficult situation. The lease on my current residence is expired and they are kicking me out tomorrow at noon. I've been searching for a new place to live for the last month and a half and I've been beat out of every application I've attempted to collect. The housing market is so hostile and competitive right now in this town that I've been denied by every single place I've tried to find within my range of affordability, mostly because of the influx of college students.

My twin sister is able to host me for a week at most, but her situation with having a newborn child and a lack of space gives me very little options.. this means that if I cannot find residence in this town, I will be forced to give up my job (which has been the best place I've ever worked) and most likely either move out-of-state or back to a bigger city where I could find a new job... until then, I wont be able to set up my desktop, which means I probably wont be able to draw every day like I do now.. drawing is the one thing in my life I'd wish to never give up.. it's the one thing that keeps me sane aside from my wonderful boyfriend who lives on the other side of the world. I'm so thankful he's been here every moment of difficulty I've encountered through all this shit.
Things are gonna just suck for a while no matter what.

The situation is fucking terrible.

I was an embodiment of anguish and unbridled bitterness. Such disdain I felt toward the general collective of human society was only rivaled by the hatred I had for myself; the spirit within me had such affinity for cynicism and self-loathing. As if it was a disease or ailment that tainted my soul to the very core, I spent my time consciously poisoning my physical body with drugs such as heroin as if it was a medication like chemo to cancer.. drugging myself helped me forget who I was and feel numb to reality. At the time, I felt it was the only possible way to make myself feel ,at least for a short time, somewhat pleasant. I thought it made me feel more human..
Thus was the irony of my pain. I was trying so hard to feel like a normal person, yet I abhorred the notion people in general. I was angry. I would lash out at everyone, especially the ones who cared the most about me. I did everything in my power to make them not care, to make their animosity for me outweigh their love. For what person should love such a scummy animal like me? What person with at least the slightest instinct of self preservation could attempt to pet a snarling, growling, teeth-brandishing rabid wolf? To this day, I have never understood the patience, fondness, adulation, and yearning devoutness of those who stuck around long enough to witness the transformation of my soul to the embodiment of spirit that posses me to this day.
This moment of transcendence came at a crossroad in my life; a time when I was reconciling my self-hatred and my life's purpose. Three years ago, I was sent to a rehabilitation program that used the natural magic of the wilderness to enlighten and acquaint the lost and damaged souls like mine with a fulfillment of meaning or direction. In the second month of three that I stayed in this program I was granted the opportunity to participate on a venture of spiritual self-guidance which historically has been a part of primitive traditions in cultures around the world, but most locally was known as a vision quest.
I spent three days and three nights alone and isolated in the desert of South-central Utah known as the San Rafael swell with no food and small ration of water. I was allowed to bring nothing but the clothes I wore, a blanket, and a primitive fire-starting kit I had made myself. On the second day of my journey I was visited by a resident of the wilderness. A bighorn sheep.. a young ram. I had not realized he had wondered into my encampment until I heard a grunt followed by several more curious snorts come from somewhere close. I looked up to find myself face to face with a rough yet somewhat charming creature of the high desert. He was not afraid of me, a trait I found unusual for wildlife around humanity in their own isolated habitat. He stood there for several minutes, looking me right in the eyes, peering, staring through the windows to my inner being, as I soon did the same. There was some odd sense of identity I felt.. more profound than that I had ever known with any other person or creature I had met before. It wasn't as though I was looking at a friend or family member... I felt as though I was looking at myself. Equally, It wasn't like looking in a mirror or reflection; it felt like I was I was peering into a totally separate manifestation of my spirit in the flesh.
It took me years to comprehend what exactly I witnessed out there in the desert, damn... I still can't fully comprehend that event to this day. But what I do know now, is that on that day I was granted the chance of revitalization through a second life. So here I am, this passage a glimpse of my second life. This is why I chose to represent myself as a ram; It's what exists under my real bare-primate body. And even though a part of the wolf is forever bonded to my blood and essence, I am the desert ram who sits upon the mountain watching the events of the world below.

Thank you to all who have read this passage. I am indebted to all of your patronage:)
-Pendalus Lanye

Hey ya'll, who wants a flat-color vintage pinup? I had way too much fun drawing Arabella this last week, so I think I'm gonna draw a series of them!

As you might or might not know, I don't charge a fee for my artwork, so it wont cost anything if you wanted one like the one of the doe in my gallery; all I ask is be open minded that I work on my own deadlines and idk how many I want to do yet so its a first come first served type thing..

honestly this last one of my new OC only took about a week and a half, maybe two weeks to finish (compared to the usual three weeks to a month my normal full-detail drawings take), so that's probably how long it would take to finish one.

If you are interested, leave a comment here or send me a note; either way, this is probably what I'll be doing for the next month or so

-keep Rockin' on FA!

Pendalus-Layne

I was riffling through some of my old art files the other day, and came to the realization of how many outline sketches I had that I never went on to finish in color, or have never posted to my gallery before; It made me a bit sad seeing all these drawings of characters that I had created to only be found collecting digital dust-bunnies in my old art folders! Now that just doesn't seem fair! they might only be sketches and outlines, but they deserve to be seen too, right?? So I've decided that I'm going to do an art dump into my scraps folder of all my old outlines of both finished drawings in my gallery, and older unfinished projects that actually date all the way back to my furry roots..

So if you happen to come across this journal entry, feel free to check them out in my scraps folder; I will be posting a few at a time for the next few days. I plan to mix the old and new ones as I post them including the year I drew them in the titles, that way you will may see the progression of my character style as I get more practiced in the art of it:)

Well then, now that I've gotten that addressed... I'm off to go find some more sexy things to draw!! See ya'll around!

-Pendalus Layne

I encountered a moment of clarity this morning while I was doing something that has become a routine part of daily life. I've had the great pleasure of making a friend in this second life of mine, this life that exists in the digital and fanatical world of beautiful degradation, divine perversions, and the most humble self-seeking truths otherwise cast out is disapproval within the realms of human reality. Here is a friend who has helped free my conscience to a new reality within my own spirit and continues to guide me through a profound journey of self-seeking fulfillment I had not otherwise attempted to explore on my own. This individual has been a truer friend to me in the relatively short amount of time we've been acquainted than that of the majority of those who have come and gone in my physical human life, and he has done so from halfway across the world. To this day I cannot explain to myself the nature of how this kinship of spirit had come to be; its not something I ever expected to develop from a request I felt inexplicably compelled to make, (to create an artistic rendering of ones [former] fursona). I am not one who necessarily believes in fate or superstition, but after the stipulations of today's unique revelations, this all feels more than just coincidence; especially when one contemplates the nature of possible realities that could have been had we not ever known each other... if I had been too self-conscious about making that request in the beginning, what could have been had I not followed my instincts? I only know it would be significantly more melancholy.

My revelation is that one really cannot fathom how much of an impact they might have on someone else's life; We may perceive our own existence as insignificant, mundane, or a conglomeration of nihilistic tendencies, but there's always someone else who's life is thoroughly more meaningful simply because you exist.

ppsh like I plan ahead!

Well at the very least I'm gonna try to expand my horizons a bit this year; I'm accepting more requests and hopefully find the nads to ask around and see if there's any other artist out there wanting to do some trades or collabs. I've got this brand new art software that I haven't even tried out yet either, so I'm stoked to see where this year takes me!

(this is not a new year resolution!!! I do not make resolutions!! I'm flawless dammit!! haha)

After a long and hectic hiatus away from the ole' smutty art scene, I'm finally back to make some more excellent work. I know I left a couple people high and dry with some of their request pieces, I seriously apologize for that, It was just a chaotic period for my life away from the computer screen but now that things have settled down a bit I might just be able to pick up some of the stuff I left off.

I do have some new things I'm trying out, specifically in the way I draw my pieces; I'll have one posted hopefully here in a few days I've been experimenting with, ya'll will have to let me know what you think!

Stay Classy FA,

-Pen

It's been a hectic couple months for me; I've been working my day job for a lot of overtime and I'm gearing up to move towns. The idea is to get moved out and ready to start college this fall so that why I've been trying to make some extra money on top. So consequently I haven't been able to draw all that much lately which really sucks but hey, I still a little bit of down time here and there. In that time I'm trying to focus on what's therapeutic for me, which is quick stuff I just get off the top of my head; helps the stress of all the other stuff going on. So if you have a request that I'm still working on, don't worry, I'm still planning on finishing it, it's gonna be a minute before I can hop back on the project til after I get moved out and settled. Sorry for the inconvenience!

So I started an Account on DeviantArt the other day trying to expand my influence posting pretty much everything I had over here. Well my dumb-ass didn't really read into their submission policy and notice that they are totally okay with nudes and solos as long as it isn't "pornographic" in nature. Derp. So not even two days on the site I get banned for two weeks. I guess that's what I get for not reading the terms and conditions like a good little drone.

Anywhore, at least I still got good-ole FA for now! Stay classy friends!!