It's hard to admit you're wrong. I know. I've been doing it for years. Lying to myself, trying desperately in vain to justify things, to give myself something to hold myself up with, and I can't do this any longer. I've been wrong, again, and again, and again, and things are crashing down around me.

This carefully constructed place of self-deceit, that I've spent years building came with a fatal flaw. Me.

It just took one fleeting moment of clarity, and I watched my world crumble. This cold visage I've worn to protect myself crack in two, revealing the empty husk of a man inside.

I used to tell myself that I was only one bad day from becoming exactly like you. We were so much alike, you and I. The parallels were uncanny.

But, I've come to realize the opposite is true. You were always the one in danger of becoming me. You had worth left, value, a light in you.

I never had any of that. I fell to the darkness long ago, and when I fell, I had no one there to pull me back out.

My mind is racing as I type these words. Trying in vain to justify what I did. As much as I'd love to be able to claim that I was sick, that my actions were not my own, I cannot. There is a grain of truth in that lie, but the greater truth is that I wasn't strong enough to stop myself from hurting those that mattered most. And I lost the ones that mattered for my own weakness.

I'm both ashamed and relieved to admit this. But, I know in the end, admitting this is the first rung of the ladder I must scale to ascend from this all-consuming darkness. The first step of becoming better. I know, that you may never even read these words. But, even typing them, just for the sake of admitting I was wrong to myself, there is great value.

I hope you are well. I hope that you still carry that light inside of you. And most of all, I hope that if the darkness ever threatens to take you, the ones that matter to you are able to pull you back out, for I know the ones that will save you are the ones I have forsaken,so long ago,

Can't you see? I'm easily bothered by persistence
One step from lashing out at you
You want in to get under my skin and call yourself a friend
I've got more friends like you, what do I do?

Is there no standard anymore?
What it takes, who I am, where I've been, belong
You can't be something you're not
Be yourself by yourself, stay away from me

A lesson learned in life, known from the dawn of time
Respect, walk, what did you say?
Respect, walk, are you talking to me?
Are you talking to me?

Rock your mouth when I'm not around, it's easy to achieve
You cry to weak friends that sympathize
Can you hear the violins playing your song?
Those same friends tell me your every word

Is there no standard anymore?
What it takes, who I am, where I've been, belong
You can't be something you're not
Be yourself by yourself, stay away from me

A lesson learned in life, known from the dawn of time
Re-spect, walk, what did you say?
Re-spect, walk, are you talking to me?

Re-spect, walk, what did you say?
Re-spect, walk, are you talking to me?
Are you talking to me? No way punk

Re-spect, walk, what did you say?
Re-spect, walk, are you talking to me?

R-espect, walk, what did you say?
R-espect, walk, are you talking to me?
Are you talking to me? Walk on home boy


Taken from "Walk" by Pantera, from the 1992 album "Vulgar Display of Power"
Watch the music video by following the link below

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AkFqg5wAuFk

Seriously. It's absolutely amazing exactly how petty some people can be, while they lie through their teeth, right to your face. What's actually amazing is when you call them out on it and watch them backpedal for days on every last word that they've ever said to you.

So, this one is for those lying bitches, those heartbreakers, the users, the abusers, and the general leeches on the underbelly of society.

Get fucked and die. I've been around your type my entire life, and this last time has been too much for me to bear one single more offense. You worm your way in with your mask of innocence, and buildup that trust that you need to sustain your wretched lives. Eating up the energy, the happiness, the trust, the money and most importantly, the love of your victims.

You take, and take, and take, never to return a single molecule of all the kindness given to you. You, and people like you are the black hole that has destroyed the last vestiges of human good. Because of your type, we live in a worse world.

And do you know the greatest offense? When you're playing the victim.
You so selfishly p,lay the victim, when people have been bending over backwards, and jumping through hoops all along to help you. To improve your life. People that have put your needs above their own, because you've manipulated them into thinking that you're in need of defense from the world.

We try to help you. We look for jobs, so you can make money. We take you to meet our friends. We feed you. We take you out to dinner. We spend our spare money buying you gifts. We spend our spare time running your errands. We take care of you from head to toe.

And at this point, all it takes is for one person to wake up in the morning and realize one simple fact. "I'm your parent. I'm not your mate, your friend, your lover. I'm your goddamn Dad." And then your machinations are laid bare. You see, your plans, and the plans of people like you, are thinly veiled at best, and it only takes one moment of clarity, just a split second of inner strength for your victim to realize what exactly you've done.

And that's what happened. You know who you are. I'll save you the embarrassment of calling you out in public, you lying bitch. But sincerely, from the person you lied to, and the person you never loved, get fucked.

Because next time I see you?

It's not going to be so civil.

Oh, and furthermore, I think you should know, I cheated on you, because you couldn't give me any satisfaction. You wanted sex all the time, and I never gave it to you, for one reason. And not the reason I told you.

Because you were a dead fish. All you did was lay there like a piece of meat. I think you should know that. And I'll be looking at the papers come March 25th, because I heard about your little threat.

Grow the fuck up, you child.

Well, just found out I'll have the time off from work during AC anyways. I didn't think I'd have it off
so no plans were made for it. But now, here I am, finding out that I could go, roomless, rideless.
I'd really love to go, so if you, or someone you know might be able to help out with a room/ride, please let me know!
It'll be greatly appreciated, and I will pay you for any help you might give me!

It really has. I pretty much receded into myself for a while. Found solace in the bottle and such.
Today was a very hard day for me. I sat down, and I read so many old messages. So many old emails, one by one.
Re-lived each and every moment, and deleted them one by one. It was heartbreaking to say the least. Re-living all of my mistakes and fuck ups.

It's the moments like that when you realize how fucked up you are. Just how broken you've become. The things that were thrown away for petty reasons.

And it's soul-crushing. Looking back on everything I had.

Everything I lost. All things I can never have back.

I don't know what to say. I don't know if I can really say anything at this point.

It's just...

I'm sorry. So fucking sorry.

And I hope the people that need to see this do. I hope they can see this, and realize this isn't some trivial apology.

This is me, down on my knees, grovelling in the dirt. Begging for forgiveness I most likely don't even deserve.

But all I want them to know is that I'm sorry.

And I hate every last one of you.

Super Cool
Story
/B/ROS

Each night I pray to god to let me rest...
They've hurt me more than any man or crest...
I'd give you everything,
If I'd known you'd take it.
But you won't
Because you're you
And I'll always love you.
My pearl of the stars.

I'll tell them how wonderful you are.
I'll remember everything you were...
To me.

Now go outside and leave me...
It's time for you to go
believe me.

You don't go alone.
I'd follow you to the stars.
This place was not my home.
I need to run
Before you follow me again.
Turn from me
Go with your friends.

Now go,
My pearl of the stars.

Anger of one.
Rage of many.
Set to flame.
Burnt to ash.
Sent to hell.
Born again.
Fury of all.
Hate of none.
Sectors of fate.
Told by a gun.
Fear of naught.
A forgotten son.

Abandoned by all
Sought by one.
Flames of hell,
drive what I've become.

Sent by death,
A last shot,
find what must be done,
the war to be fought.

Stand not in my path
Lest you be struck down
Vengance awaits thee
In my hate
You shall drown.

Sink into the dark night
Dead, serving a new crown.
In this land where all abounds
the few you love
Shall die tonight too.

Twist the knife.
Lodged in my spine.
Pull it out.
Clean it off.
Put it back in.

Let me bleed.
I won't lose what I need.
I'll stand back up.
Vengeance is about to be.

My claws at your throat
My gun in your back
My knife in your gut

You can't kill
what you can't see.

A spirit of divine vengeance.
guides me.

I'll pursue you.
Anywhere you may hide,
I'll be able to see.

You motherfucker.
I'll make you bleed.
Leave you unable to see.
Wishing you no longer breathed.

A merciless onslaught follows me.
Destroying all that I see.
And all I see
is you
you and me.

A knife in the spine,
a dagger in the back.
Blood covered paws,
muzzle full of flesh.

That's how you'll find me.

A smile on my face
laughter in my eyes.

That's how you'll see me.

A puddle of blood.
A broken body.
gasping for breath.

That's how I'll leave you.

My paws around your throat.
whispering in your ear
"It's almost over."
savoring your agony.

That's how it'll be.

I'll stand over you.
My paw in the air
triumphantly
crushing the life from you.

That's what others will see.

It'll be over soon.
For you.
And then me.

That's how it's going to be.

I'll see you bleed.
I'll revel in your agony.
It's just you and me.
You'll see all the agony
You caused me.

That's what you'll see.
That's all you'll see.
The creature you created of me.
I'll feed on your agony.

You'll feel the hate that drives me.
as the last of your life,
flows into me.

I decided to write a lil' something for the creator of my first conbadge  dogsoul

This is not your home.
It's my heart.
And you're not welcome here anymore.
My body's broken,
my mind is lost.
Sent into the void
of madness, insanity.
I'll take you with me.
My soul burns ever brighter
in the inky black of your hate
Follow me down,
and I'll find what I've lost.
In you.
I'll take what I need from you,
leave you how you left me.
You'll know how it felt to me.
I hope you know how it feels.
Because by the end of this,
you'll be the one to squeal.

Sickness.
Taking me, holding me
corrupting what I am.
There was nothing left
no bit unchanged.
Praying for a cure,
hoping for some help.
There was none.
The only help to be had was lost.
lost in time,
lost in space.
Devoured by another's hate.
I made it all again
to try and fix what was wrong.
It took me too long.
The sickness had already used me
abused me
broken me.
As I waste away,
all I can do is try and pass the cure I found to another.
Give another hope,
a second chance.`
Leave my legacy behind,
as the man that died
so all of you could remain behind.

Become dead like me.
Let them take away your abilities.
To feel
hear
and see.
Become living dead like me.
They'll chase you down
they'll want to see your last emotions drown
in that sea of endless green.
Green like envy, you see.
Because the dead envy the living.
They want what you have, what you enjoy.
Because they had and lost those abilities.
Hearing, feeling, seeing.
If you become living dead like me.
You might just fool them. and still have those abilities.
Or you'll feel their endless hate, pain and misery.
And then you'll wish you were dead, just like me.
Let your feelings fall away.
Cast them into the void, and walk that line
between alive and dead.
It's not so bad, at least not for me.
I cross over to either side quite freely.
Am I alive?
Am I dead?
It turns out both are just constructs within my head.
It doesn't really matter what you call me.
Because I don't even know what to be.
The living dead screams.
The living screams.
The dead screams.
They all belong to me.


OK! This took me about 5 minutes. I ran across a scrap of paper with the first few lines of this, and decided to just run with it, and see where it took me. I like where this went, I hope you do too, man.

For  venaul

They say it's simple
as easy as one two three.
It was never that simple.
At least not for me.
You see, I never quite made it to three.
One was fine
Two as well.
But three?
What the hell!
Blindsided from the left,
hit from the right.
Lost my place, in the midst of the fight.
I'd pick up my pieces and try and start again.
I counted as I picked them up.
Using my own numbers.
My own little way.
So what if I never got to three?
I never really wanted to be there anyways.
You see, I learned that I don't like that three.
It meant someone was controlling me.
Telling me where I should be.
What if I wanted to be at 6
or 9
or 12?
I don't see why I should go to three,
when 12 or 19 or 27 is really where I want to be.
So I count to myself, all night and day
until I get to somewhere I want to be.
I guess it was simple, you see.
But it was never one two three.
It was as simple as
I
am
free.

This has been bouncing round in my head for a few days. I know it's got a weird flow, and it doesn't really rhyme the entire way through, but I don't give a damn, so suck it.

They've called me
odd
strange
weird.
Ever think that's you?
Maybe you're just the one that's strange,
but I'm mundane.
What's normal anyways?
It's all a state of mind.
Maybe it's yours, or maybe it's mine.
Pick it up, put it down,
and just let it burn all around
because it'll be much better when you realize
there is no such thing as
strange, or
mundane.
We're all freaks in our own little ways.
Treasure yours,
I'll treasure mine.
Before this whole world
makes me lose my entire fucking mind.