Normally I'm a super grump if i'm woken up too soon, and when i heard knocking at the door i was gonna unleash anger.

But when you see it's just a lil baby woodpecker tryin his best, I'll let it slide

So this is completly random, and these thoughts come a lot with summer and high boredom, but I just got to thinking of my work schedule.

So for 5 1/2 hours scheduled, I only get one break thus meaning i only work 5 1/4 hours.

BUT, when i'm scheduled for 7 hours, i get two breaks and a lunch, meaning i only work 5 1/2 hours

and the most confusing of all, I've been lately schedules for 6 hours...but the thing is, that's the exact amount that garuntees a lunch and 2 breaks, so it's only 4 1/2 hours.

So my confusion is...why is it when i'm schedules more, i get paid more but work less? Again this is just one of those random tnoughts so i'm not to serious minded on it.

Have a great day!

Yes, contreversial talk but i despise spring. Between allergens messing up my voice and head, to more thieves at where i work, to the now coming heat from the star of torture above, I, want, autumn, back.

besides that rant, how's everyone

So after asking my past artist commisioners for their permision, i'm gonna be dumping alot of art into my gallery. It might take time due to me wanting to right descriptions, but i plan to do this with my commisions from now on, so less of a bomb after.

Otlan here is having a raffle to have a group picture with your sona as a BL2 character alongside him, check it out in the link below

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5108429/

someone I've watched and gotten great art from is having a giveaway for reaching the 100 watchers mark, below will be the link for said contest and its details.

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5039891/

-Where are you staying?
I got me and my buds a good room at the Mariott

-Arrival and departure?
I'm gonna be arriving there the day before on the 16th at noon, leaving on the 21st at noon.

-Means of transportation
Plane to get down there, and I assume we're taking a good few healthy walks to get around town. Unless we go far that requires bus.

-Sharing a room with
I am rooming with CaptainBozo  captainbozo Emily, and akarei  akarei

-Gender
I be a male

-Relationship Status?
I am single yet friendly

-How old are you?
Newblood of 18

-How tall are you?
6'

-Do you smoke?
Most of my family does, but since I have asthma plus the smell kinda drives me nuts, no.

-Do you drink?
Does Diet Pepsi count?

- How can I get your attention?
Call out Pheen/Pheeny and I'm sure I'll peek around for a whosaidthat

-Where will you be most of the time during the day/s?
uhhhhh, well probably wherever my buds go since this is my first con, but I do know I'll be hanging around the furoticon area.

-Who will you be with?
Mainly my room group but I may split with one or the other or get really risky and go it alone in some points.

- Personality Type
I'm super creative and super nerdy, as well as super reliable and nice. though I try to have fun and be funny with my jokes and voices, so hopefully I don't drive my buds nuts.

-Are you nice?
It's what most people call m-oh you meant kind wise. Yes I'm very nice unless provoked otherwise. Which is quite rare.

- Cliquey?
Well being in a new surrounding I might be clingy to my buds but, once I get used to a scenario I tend to go alone til I wanna go back to my buds.

-Can I talk to you?
I'm always open for a BS session so sure.

-Can I touch you?
Boys: keep it above the waist and it's all good. Girls: Anything is ok unless said otherwise >w>

-Can I hug or snuggle with you?
If you ask nicely and don't smell to bad, go for it, hugs are super nice

-Can I hang with you in your room?
If it's ok with my roomies, sure.

Can I dance with you at the dances?
h-h-heh, dance? I guess you could, but be prepared to see a burd blush and stumble.

-Can I invite you to parties?
Well, as long as none of my drinks are spiked, I don't see why not.

-Can I give you lots of money?
OMG thank yooooou. Er, I mean, sure, it'd be quite nice ^^;

-Can I give you presents?
Of course you can, but dont' complain if I end up gifting back(if I can)

-Can I buy you lots of drinks?
ehhhh if it's non-alcoholic

-Can I buy you food and/or eat meals with you?
Mmmmm, if my picky pallette is ok with said food/meal. But if it has spice, nooooooooo thank you.

-Do you do commissions?
Pffft, I'm not good enough at arts to do so.

-Do you have prints/ CDs?
Nope

-Do you do free art?
Again, I don't really art much, besides write in my journal from time to time.

-Do you do trades?
Never have before, maybe when I get better at writing/sewing

- Will you get anything commissioned?
Ooooh, that sounds like fun, I just might.

-Are you fursuiting?
naaah. I like the fursuiters and all, but if I wanted any suit parts, I'd love to get some wings.

-Which suit(s) will you be bringing?
Refer to past question

-Stage or public performance?
Uhhh, if any on rare chance, maybe some kareoke

-Can I take your picture?
I may be fidgety with my picture getting taken, but sure :3

-Attending any panels?
More then likesome

-What's your goal(s) for the con this year?
Well hopefully to get used to conning in general, and mainly just have fun and escape my personal bubble. But also to see what cons have in them. Also to get some good scores at the furoticon booth. But the main thing is so I can get out of my "home" and be free to let loose and have fun, that I feel I reeeeeeeally need.

Good buddy of mine by the name of Kaji is doin a raffle for a chance to be in a pic with his sona. For more details, follow this link

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4172945/

this guy named Miliki is doing a species list, so if you see a spot for your sona left on the list, the info is on his journal here.

https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4039068

Halloween is near upon us....sorta. And thus, A giveaway is occuring. For more info on who and what it is, check the link below.

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3836986/

Ok, I know it's time to change the journal from something...not so predictable, cuz I'm actually happy for once ^v^. Over the last few...wow, months, I'm started to make more friends, get more ideas, and graduate from the hell of high school. Come September, it's all college, but for now, I'm excited for the 16th, aka, my yearly level up! Yep, b-day time for b-rdy.

Now, as for my writing, I'm starting t get back into it, and after rereading my rough draft notebook...I'm really trying to get this typed so you guys can feel the emotion I did when I read through it again. Easy to say, hope sad times and cuteness don't bother ^v^. I've also had some recommend me to do NSFW writings...I might, but I need to get used to writing short stories instead of flippin novels, heheh.

Now...the hobby. My good buddy Captain_Bozo ended up getting me hooked on this veeeery unique TCG. It's furry, it's sexy, it's Furoticon. Now of course, with this hobby, comes links :P Now, there's a possiblilitiy of an online game, but it requires funds to get off the ground. ANd before it gets funds, it needs votes. So if you enjoy the thought of an online TCG where it's not just flat, pixels of the cards come to life to have some fun. But if this interests you, please pay this link a visit, and vote vote vote!

http://offbeatr.com/project/fantasy.....ne-57972967509

Now, if that catches your nice voting instincts, but it still leaves you meh, towards the game, thanks to Bo, he's trying to inspire the game, by doing a raffle, which can be seen here.

http://bit.ly/ODjp27

and of course, it's best to give a link to the official site itself

http://furoticon.com/

basically, it's a furry TCG where your main goal is to climax your opponent with your wide variety of furres, while defending yourself from your own climax against your opponents own furres. Many actions and alterations can be at your disposal with the above goal in mind. But it's a game that really caught my attention, and is a lot of fun.

and yea, that's what I gots to say. I really recommend checking out that furoticon stuffs, trust me, it may seem like you'd be staring at the pics non stop, but when you get into playing, you realize there is real strategy to it. Have a good day/days all ^v^


Pheen

PS, I don't need to mention con money anymore, I'm aaaaaall covered :>

Funds-$123

Wow...I really need to update these more often, but then again, I guess if nothin interesting happens worth journalizing abount, kinda pointless. Anyway, onto the past...thingys.
First-funds. Heck ya, already in the triple digits! Now, I'm willing to keep this up for the next few months, cuz recently I've been WAY more sociable and fun to be around. I'm finally starting to act the way I want to act. Now...if only others thought I could do it. I swear, between my family and some of my friends, they are constantly goin on about how I don't know how to save money, and that I'm just going to fail. Well to that, I just have to say, no souveniers when I get there :} (oh yeah, and I love the :3 face, but being an avian, I've started to love doing a more beak like emoticon :}...best I can do I guess.)
Next, 2nd, final, and thank god the easiest Semester of my High School life. Classes consisting of World Affairs, PE 3, Word Processing, Keyboarding, Band, and Mythology(and technically study hall). I love travelling and all, so World Affairs is pretty decent...if the teacher would stop making the world sound as if the world is filled with no more than sadness and depression. PE, now I'm not the most sport physical filled bird, and I've really proven that I'm one of the best in the class somehow. But I just play the games, I'll leave that feild to the real professionals of sports. Word Processing...essentially working with computer programs I already know an overabundance about. Band...well, when you find a note in your instrument locker saying you don't belong there...heh, I got a good laugh about it. I know I don't belong in that band, I've said that for God knows how long. Now if the teacher didn't misinterpet what I was meaning, you know what, here's how it went. I handed in the note, the teacher took the note. Next day, teacher gives speech not giving names. What the speech was about...ugh. He turned it into an antisuicide speech. People pinpointed who he was talking about, and now I'm getting bugged nonstop. Seriously, I'm not crazy like that. I'm having a great time, I'm having fun and I'm happy. Ugh, I'm not a fan of the teachers that explode the truth. Anyway next class. Keyboarding...yawn. Mythology, heck ya! That's my class right there baby! I've answered more questions the teachers doled out than anyone else in the class. So in retrospect, school is now slightly bearable.
Now onto one of my personal favorite topics, VIDYA GAMES! I love stupid pawn shops not knowing what the worth of a game is. I got A special edition Metroid Prime Triology game for $7. The lowest Ebay value I've seen for a regular one, was $60, used. HECK YA! Also got Fire Emblem Path of Radiance, Kirby Air Ride, Banjo-Tooie, and Conker's Bad Fur Day(what can I say, I wanted some new games.) Also, Persona 4 is scaring the shit out of me! Go figure that the devil arcana link...comes from an old nurse constantly trying to hit on you *shiver* ah, not right. And I also could never picture seeing a dead bloody body hanging from random high points. Though the music is catchy as hell, I'm still humming most of the tunes.
And the final topic I feel I can touch upon, is...well, my social breaking. Honestly...I'm glad I have the furry friends I do. They took a hammer to my shell and pounded til the thing was in bits. I was introduced to IRC and have made way more friends I expected, became more talkative and cuddlitive(ITS A WORD NOW!) and I hate it when I have to log off for sleep. Honestly, it's great. I'm glad I can surround myself with people who love hugs!
Well, that's essentially what the goin ons is in a nutshell. I hope things keep goin the way they are, I'd really like that!





Pheen

Funds-$30

Wow, bit of a gap with this one. Ah well, it was to be expected, so I don't feel too bad. Anyways, onto the...times(man, I just realized, I do alot of midnigt entries).
2nd semester started, and right now my favorite letter is zzzzzzz. Every class is Bor-to the-ing. And instead of government, this semester we get World Affairs. Question, is the world that sad, depressing and evil? If not, then that class isn't explaining too much else. I know the world has sad bits, but I would rather hear of the happiness. I already go through enough sadness, don't need that class emphasizing that there's pratically no way out.
Then there's 2 computer classes I only took for an easy good grade. Took a all game gym class, and...today in particular has me regretting that. We did a fun free-for-all dodgeball game, and I fell back, twisting, and landing on my ankle. It didn't end there. At lunch, on my walk home, I slipped(but didn't fall) on some ice...and twisted the same ankle again. Ugh, my talons are hating me now, and it hurts just to walk. Guess it's a good thing I have a high-pain tollerance and quick recovery rate. I should be fine tommorow...or today, I'm not good technical.
Band...just no. And finally, mythology class. It'd be more enjoyable...if I wasn't stuck in a class filled with annoying students that don't even care about the topic. Ah well, it's to be expected. And speaking of the students...ugh, I'm getting reminded of my 1/9 entry(wow, it's been nearly 3 weeks now?). I have a few "Choose your seat" classes...and I'm usually the first one in. Afterwords...its like I have a barrier around me, and everyone else groups up with everyone else, literally surrounding me with open desks. I hope we don't get any partner activity activities then...I honestly don't want to make them seperate from their friends only to join someone they won't even get to know well(I'm actually being serious, I don't care if I enjoy the work or not, I just don't want my partner having a bad time).
Ebay actually failed me recently. I "ordered" a copy of Fire Emblem: Path of Radience, ended up getting a GBA Player disc...got a full refund thank god, and I'll get the game soon enough.
Now, I'm not so negative as my first journal though, now that I'm more open about myself, I feel more free and enjoyable...though I'm still not fully out yet, I'm defiently making progress. I'm actually surprised that people say...I'm cool. My hat, scarf, and my featheriness, I'm defiently getting different reactions then I was expecting. I've actually had some people pet me(I actually like being petted :3, and neck rubs...my major weakness, I will just be stiff and unmoving.)
Man, I love my friends(real(even if they ditch school...leaving me to take it on by myself) and interweb), I love being me, and I love neckrubs. And if I just ignroe the dullness of school, and keep up within the hype of my story and other excitements, I'll be okay. Hmmm, I wonder, should I give more interesting titles to my journals? I'll think of it, it just seems that the current titles are...dry. Hmmm...ah well, til next time.




Pheen

Current Savings Funds-$30

Yep, finally decided to put money in from my paychecks now, if I want to go travelling to the next big con, but I'm certain I got a good year to do it, plus I'm certain I get to have some saving time til summer, so yeah!

Anywho, what I did with the rest of my funds. Besides food, I got a new shirt, scarf, aviator goggles(heck ya!), and a new game(Fire Emblem Path of Radiance, if you're curious). Now...I thought I was going to have a fun, me week this week...only to get crammed with SOOOO MUCH CRAP! Monday, was my only free day of the week. Tuesday-Thursday I had work(because someone called in sick), and Friday...I got taken aback finding out about our speech and drama divisional meet. It was only Saturday NIGHT I got some me time, and Sunday will either be another me day or a me and my friends day. I'm sounding selfish, I know, but I feel everyone needs a break from normal life. I was just hoping this week would've been mine.
While thinking of S&D, just...ugh. No one to talk to...well, that's not completly true. I was actually able to meet some other furries, and that turned into a fun session, and I've noticed I've become more open about things now. And I'll admit, my hat and scarf that's my usual attire, a lot of people send me a lot of compliments saying how cool and unique it is and how they've never seen people like me before. It felt...good to be noticed. And as negative as it may sound, I'm glad I didn't qualify for finals. I feel like I have more time now. I can talk to my friends now, chat with my chums, and just have fun and enjoy myself. Plus...12 hour bus ride, no thank you.
Well, I just have to calm down now. As long as I'm willing to just...chill everynow and then, I can just be calm and fun. Funny how many people found out how crazy I become at night. Heheh, they said I was a blast.
And...that about sums up the week. Hopefully that budget number goes up quickly. Guess it's all based upon my work ethics...and laziness :)




Pheen

Note to self...DON'T SAY YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE A FREE FUN WEEKEND UNLESS YOU ARE CERTAIN!!! Grah, I swear, Tuesday started off with a long work night only to get signed up for Wednesday because the usual was off doing something. Then Thursday had to change the letters on the theater sign...in near blizzard weather. I swear, there wasn't a spot on me that wasn't hit with snow. Then Friday, I swear I would be free...but nope! I have divisionals for our Speech and Drama team. I may like to act (trust me, I want to make a career out of it, mainly voice acting), but I use the "team" word lightly. I swear, with my new scarf, and my eared hat, I just get weird looks. And nearly half of the students from my class, no, nearly all of the students in the team from the senior class has to always talk about how they got drunk at a party, or how they made it with this one chick/guy, or about other things that I don't touch upon, it makes you feel left out, as if you're the shadow of the team. I'd probably be able to make friends from the other schools that go...if I wasn't so dang shy! Thankfully I've been tackling my nerves hard lately, so if I keep it up, I could get pretty social.
Phew, well at least my weekend is free...it BETTER be free. I like to have something to do and all, it's just better when you have someone to do the somethings with. Well, I feel like havin some chocolate, as soon as my beak thaws out (again, near blizzard weather).





Pheen

Okay, let's get this part done quickly, school was quick. Only had 2 classes (finals) typing and single survival, both finals taking mere minutes giving me a lot of writing time. Afterwords, went to get some chinese food(heck ya!) Afterwords, just decided to chill at home and playing some games.
Alright now that that's out of the way, let's get to everyones main topic today. The whole "censorship" issue. Now, don't get me wrong, I support the people trying to protect the internet(being here, youtuber, etc., kinda expected to stand for what I like to do). So, why did I say, "don't get me wrong"? Because I'm starting to think things are starting to get a little out of control. I understand the websites self-censoring thier stuff, and that's cool. What I don't understand...is the ridiculous thing I'm hearing and seeing some people do. I've actually seen people just utterly go nuts over this topic on videos, or spurt nothing but factless insults. This isn't helping. For all we know, with the dwindiling support SOPA has, they might actually have the side plan of making us look like jackasses and jerks, only making them look better. The best way I could say something, is calm down, stand strong, and keep your cool. Let's try and get SOPA to backfire and start having them go insane against themselves (heck ever since the supporters were caught doing some piracy acts of their own, the ropes starting to twist apart). I understand how some people would make this their biggest current topic, but don't let this stop you from what you're trying to protect, whether it be posting art, writing stories, or making videos, don't have these guys scare you out of doing what you love.
Phew, glad to get that out of my system. And school tommorow doesn't sound too bad (rumors about easy classes). Though, I got a dentist appointment, and I don't like people poking around in my beak. Well, I'm gonna play a few more games now or maybe FINALLY continue typing my storry. Sorry if this wasn't a big...how was my day thing. Either way, it seems everyone had to make a SOPA thing today, well there's mine.





Pheen

Heh, two midnight entries in a row. Anywho, on to the journal. Well, my spirits are still hoping for a good week(got my supply of diet pepsi set up for an all night game-a-thon this weekend. I really need to get to finishing Skyward Sword), but today was really making it challenging. First...I'm sick of Keyboarding class(only took it cuz it was an easy A), I swear, the teacher makes you feel like a 1st grader, making you put your thumbs up if you agree, doing constant chair swaps, typing lyrics for a childrens song, playing (I don't kid) the flippin ABC song on her stereo, it's all driving me insane(well, more insane).
Everything else came simple enough...until Government class(we've all heard my thoughts about that, so onward!)
Buisness Intro...apparently Freshmen try not to involve Seniors into the teams ASSIGNED(ugh, ugly word) to them. And they get mad at me. Phew, deep breath, don't need to get my feathers ruffled. Anyways, on a lighter note, my story is really coming around, and I already have a few people telling me they want a signed copy when it gets published (noticed how I didn't say "if"? I like looking for positives). And we got next semesters schedules today...and boy am I gonna have to change it. I'm not taking the same government class, no way, no how! And I'm dropping the school paper, I just feel to restricted as a journalist, but free as a fiction writer.
My G-ma is staying over at our house for a while, my G-pa is in the evil building of the medical government(hospital) for an infection he has in his leg. Is it wrong to say...this really isn't bothering me? I don't want to sound cold...but these sort of issues, never had a huge impact on me, and I don't know why.
Only got two tests tomorrow...two very easy tests. Then I get to go home at lunch. SWEET EARLY DAY! Unfortuantly, I'm getting called into work that night (had it tonight to, and will Thursday), but I still get some me time (everyone needs a chance to just, chill.) But I should get paid tomorrow, and I get to get me my aviator goggles(I always thought they looked cool), and maybe a few other things. Also, along with the journal entries, come payday, I'll be putting up a money savings number. Why am I saving money? Because I will go to a con of some kind dangit, and it'd be nice to have some money tucked away until then! This bird loves to fly place to place, I hate being grounded (or in water, but that's another story).
Yeah, that sums up the day, and tomorrow sounds even brighter. Thursday however...boy will that be a challenge. Band, Government, and Buisness tests. Atleast I got my story on me to write. But come Friday, one word, ALL NIGHT PARTY, EVEN IF IT IS BY MYSELF!(I'm good with words, not numbers). Here's to a good week.






Pheen

You ever get that feeling a week is just going to go wrong? Well I feel sorry for you (honestly, I do), but my shadow senses are telling me I'm gonna like this week. Kinda funny though, because come Wednesday, I'm going to be having semester exams, but other than Government, I will probably end each test quickly and get to my writing/reading(I SWEAR, I'LL GET TO TYPING THE REST OF THE CHAPTERS I HAVE WRITTEN OUT!). Speaking of writing, I've gotten to a sweet(as in precious) moment in my story that just makes you feel, warm and safe. Kinda(SPOILER WILL NOT BE GIVEN!!!!).
Gotta say, ever since I decided to get into my character a little more, I'm happier! I'm having more fun with my friends, and I actually feel like people around me want to listen! Boy, I can't wait until August. Why? BECAUSE I'LL BE TURNING 18! HECK YEAH!!! Kinda thinkin ahead, but come on. I'll be out of school, possibly have my liscence, and be able to go into awesome cons and other things without "mommy" having to watch over me. I love my fam and all...but it seems lately I'm lovin my friends even more. Plus, with my book getting as far as it is, I could see it being sent into a publisher(s) sometime this year.
I'm also getting a huge kick out of English class, for we're learning about Japan and their cultures. That was my field when I was just a mere freshman. Heck, I even entertain my teacher with both my story, and all of the Japanese mythology tales I know. Trust me, my research on Japanese myths...go on! Plus, all of my semester projects are done! well, to the best I get them to be called done.
Wow, who'd think getting so excited would end up getting me looking so far to the future. Then again, is that a bad thing? :3. Either way *pssh*, boy I love vanilla coke, here's to hopefully a good week!

Huh, I just watched something, that really, may have helped me a little bit today. It was a 3 minute video of National Geographics Taboo, and this video was on furries. One of the people they talked to, said how he's the shy, quiet type, unless he's in his fursona, then he becomes actively fun and goofy and highly friendly. One of the science type ladies started to say how it was considered strange how the whole costume thing should have stopped at childhood, but then the one they talked to said something that seemed, cool.
"When I'm (the fursona's name, I forgot), I know I'm strange and weird, so it doesn't affect me when I'm in my character because I get to be more open to things now that everyone else can see what I like and not worry about how weird they find it."
This got me to thinking, maybe the sooner I'm willing to open myself up to what I've come to love and enjoy, I'd be able to fulfill my wish of being, less shy, more goofy, and more fun to be around. All I need to do is brush of the insults, and just stretch my wings wide.
Of course...this was kinda made slightly difficult just this weekend. I'm part of our speech & drama team in our school, and one of the teamates were talking about...the yiffer side of furries shall we say. Now, I'm actually surprised how much anger was building up in my body, because he kept going on about it saying how highly strange it was to be half human/half animal and that, and here's where things get bad, it's going against God to not accept your human self. He even went so far as to compare being a furry, to necrophilia.
I wanted to confront him, but I didn't want to make a scene. Now, I'm a Christian, yet I won't lie, religion isn't my number one topic on my mind. I haven't read the Bible, and I don't go to church, so I might be missing something that they're holding under a magnifying glass, but I'm getting sick of the whole furry vs. religion battle. Again, since I don't put religion on the top of my major worry list, I've been passing these battles up more often. By now, even though it's still apparently on my mind, I've passed it by, I just know to avoid this guy whenever the furry topic comes up.
So, all in all, I just need to tell my self, it's not wrong being a furry, and the sooner I'm willing to enjoy being one, the sooner I'll be able to break out of my shell. I'm already weird, so I just need to tell myself, this won't hurt me. I just need to fight back the fear of emberassment, and just, enjoy myself. For I am a furry, and I'm glad to be one!




Pheen

I meant to type this earlier in the night...but something forced me into sleep. I don't know what, but I was searching things on ebay, watching a video on youtube, and the next thing I know, I wake up in my bed hanging from the middle. And now, I can't sleep, in fact, I'm wide awake now. Anyway, onto the day.
It actually started to snow here today, and boy did that make me smile. People here complain about how cold it is, but I can't notice it, temperature doesn't real take effect on me. I love snow, and the beauty it carries with it, especially if a gentle wind is pushing behind it. People give me strange looks when I tell them my favorite weather is a cloudy day, possible drizzle, and slight wind. I'm not a sunny person, what can I say.
That government paper is pratically impossible to understand, luckily this weekend I'm getting some help, so that'll get done, and I can enjoy my normal game nights again. Man, that...random sleep thing is still...stranging me out, I don't remember even going on the bed. Ah well, Nocturnals RULE!
I didn't do any chatting today, mainly because nobody was there to chat with. Luckily I wasn't having one of my confused and upset days. I still have my butterflies, and they seem to multiply around group settings. And speaking of group settings, our school had a *cough cough* "Pep" assembly, and it was easy to see what the school didn't have. Funny thing was, they did a pride coin drawing, where kids that were given these wooden coins by teachers hand them in to enter a drawing for a prize. Some how...I won something. I don't know how, since I've never gotten a coin, and I never even tried to get one, so I was baffled.
You know, looking up in the earlier sentence in the last paragraph, I remembered one of my biggest recent wishes. I want to be more goofy. Nearly all of my teachers are telling me that I'm the most mature of the class for a 17-year-old. I wonder if that's really a good thing. Do I really have issues...being slightly immature? I feel if I don't know how to be goofy and open...I'll be torn to shreds if I go to any style of con, and I don't want to go to a con fearing this, I want to go in hopes of making friends and having fun, getting to see others like me. Ugh, I just feel...majorly boring. I'm creative in my head, but I don't know if I'm the same to people that ACTUALLY want to talk to me, and I don't want to turn them away with...being boring. You know, Earthbound had an item in the game. A book used to overcome shyness. I really need that book right now.
Well, here's hoping for a good weekend, come friday.




Pheen

Well...I was going to type up my government paper today...until I realized I have no clue how to do it, so I'll hold that off til tommorow so as to actually get things right. Other than that, things went by...pretty boring like. It got kinda annoying hearing everyone in the school complain how cold it was today(then again, I don't get affected by temperature) and...well, I got atleast a few pages down in my book. I'm thinking about typing up some of it tonight, maybe getting the next chapter up on this site.
Now, other than normal...things got scary. I recently got Persona 4 a couple of days ago...about a day after a teacher went missing in a nearby town. People are saying that she was found, dead in a field after some fog lifted up (I'M NOT LYING!). Things got even stranger. It started yesterday, but I didn't notice it until today. In my game, I stopped and saw how it's weather channel predicted rain, and the real weather channel predicted clear skies for days. The day after I stopped my game for the night...it rained. And today, last night, I stopped the game having it say it was going to be clear, with slight clouding, and my weather channel promised snow due to low temperatures. Nothing but sun and dots of clouds here. But the majorly strange part...was midnight. I was stupidly curious, and wanted to try out the whole "Midnight Channel" rumor. I couldn't even see my own reflection...but when I touched the TV, the whole screen lit up. I jumped back in surprise. Now, some were trying to tell me that it was just static...but no way it was, it was too bright and it was the WHOLE screen! So it's easy to tell, I told my friends...and they didn't believe me. I hardly believe myself. I just might be hooked into my game a little bit. But I swear...if I hear about a student dying...that's when I'm going to worry.
Anyway, on a lighter note, pretty much 70% of school today was a big study hall, and I taught myself how to play K.K. Rider on my sexy-mo-phone. Things got quiet today though. My friends left after lunch, so I was left on my own again. Ugh, I'm really getting sick of that. And boy is next week going to be fun. All of the big assignments are due and we have our semester tests. Yeesh, if that school wasn't intentionally trying to piss me off. Atleast this gives me plenty of writing time. I don't know why, it just seems I enjoy writing more in school than out of it(in my story that is). Meh, it might just be my mind giving me something to do.
Well, til next night...if the paper doesn't hold me back.



Pheen

Ugh, I'm sick of this school, not knowing what TEAMwork is. I swear, being the outcast as it is makes things difficult, but being a misfit in a team that only knows each other...forget it. One class had us making some breakfast...and let me tell you, I did about 77% of the work...yet everyone else took the glory(and my seat). Is it wrong to ask for some kind of thank you? Then there's my other class that requires *cough cough* teamwork. I was placed in the group not upon my choice, and they planned everything out without me getting a say, and their plan either required me doing most of the work, doing nothing at all, or taking all of the negative blame. *exhale* I just, want a team that I can truly call a team.
Of course, the day didn't end with that. Apparently, my friends can't stop having problems left and right...and, am I a bad falcon if I don't want to be a part of it? I've helped them many times before...but it's getting ridiculous now. I'm one willing to help, just...it gets annoying when the same sort of problem seems to hit them...constantly. I mean, I like them and all, but it's kinda bad when they expect a weeks worth of help...when they hardly give me 5 minutes. Maybe it's my fault without the ability to say no or be in any form agressive. Either way, I feel I should move on before I start to go too far.
Through most of my classes, if I wasn't nearly falling asleep, I was writing more into my story(Which I really need to type up, I'm about three chapters behind on typing) and I got about another good 3 pages, and got to reintroduce one of my favorite characters.
I swear, the first moment I get, I'm out of this junk heap of a town. Again, I like my friends...but I know that half of whatever I say is just jibberish to them, so it'd be nice to get to meet others like me...it may help me break out of my shell.
Well, atleast work wasn't too bad tonight, pretty fast actually with only one show. Especially when there was another worker I started to strike conversations with since he was interested in my stories. He actually asked me why I don't just try and go straight to movies. It would be nice for everyone to see my sights...but I feel its good to start somewhere.
It may not have been totally bad today...but I know Thursday and after are going to be nightmares, so I better enjoy tommorow while I can...please make it(except for school) last.



Pheen

Okay, technically, it's the same day, but don't get too picky with me! Anyway, I won't lie, the day didn't start off that good. School was filled with simplicity and boredom. Atleast I was able to write down another good 3 pages of my novel today. I was also actually brought into the couselor today. Apparently one of my teachers thought my attitude was bad(in an upset way) and wanted me checked out. This sort of thing would probably drive me nuts...but let's just say, when the counselor has an Austrailian accent...it becomes more enjoyable. All we did...was essentialy answer about half of the questions that I answered in the same journal entry this morning.
Speaking of journals, I've decided to keep one in my grasp at school to help me remind myself of the day. Funny how different the two can become. Anyway, back to the day. It was still boring, until lunch. Apparently, as told from my friend, a few other people that's usually in our group of friends is having issues with a girl that dumped him days before, only to come back, and it's driving the friend nuts. Honestly, I can tell that those two could become trouble, because they are playing with love, something that really shouldn't be played with. I've even talked with the other friend(with the girl) and he said that he doesn't even truly know why he wanted a girlfriend. I can't tell him straight up, but hearing this sort of thing just makes me sick. He asked me once why I'd want one, only to turn it into a gay joke(he's still a good friend of mine though). I told him straight up, it's someone that you can relate to, to talk to, to get to know, and to do stuff with you wouldn't do with your normal friends. As much as I'd love to have a mate, I think it was a wise choice to wait until I see someone, and get to know someone that's willing to share interests. There are times I regret this choice of course, but then there are others that make me feel good that I'm not suffering what other guys in the area are, and not causing suffering to someone I'd be mismatched with.
Anywho, after lunch(I love baconburgers) came the rest of my classes...where I nearly nodded off in every single one. Government, Buisness, and a PBS video in English...zzz. I wanted to write more in English...but we had one of those subs that doesn't like any student(of course...I tend to have a way of changing a subs mind, mainly because I'm the only one that doesn't make a game out of suffering the substitute.)
I remember the journal I did this morning, and even though they are online friends, they are friends none the less, and I feel they're willing to help me out more than my in town friends, mainly because they actually know what I'm going through. Knowing they're there to nudge me, and help me when I need it, just makes me feel safe and comfertable. Of course, I still have butterflies, mainly because I fear I'll say something that'll make me seem egotistical, arrogant, or annoying, but it seems they're dying down a bit.
I was supposed to do a HOLIDAY!! concert tonight, but I decided to skip. First off, it's January, not December(of course the schedule changed after our band teacher got injured), second off, only one of the songs had anything to do with the holidays! I like playing my sexy-mo-phone(saxaphone), I've taught myself many songs. I just hate being restricted to the marches of Canada. Heh, boy I'd love to play Wily's theme for a concert, NOW THAT'D BE A SHOW!
Something came in the mail for me today, that I really need to start playing soon. I got that Persona 4 game, mainly out of curiosity, and the curiosity needs to be cured soon.
You know, I actually felt that these journals would just make me feel worse, because that's just how they felt at first, something reminded me of the negatives. But from all of the help I've been getting from my good friends, these might prove to be more of a good thing than a bad reminder. I guess it just all depends on the day. Either way...I'm just glad there's only about 4 months left of school...maybe even less.
So, time to play some games.




Pheen

Dear Journal,
I know how some try to clarify how journals are supposed to be those personal notebooks you hold by your bedside to write in every night, only to make sure you keep it a major secret from everyone else. Well, I think it'd be a lot better if this journal was public, atleast to those that I can relate to, and even get along with, and have them even help when times are low, or hopes are high. So, I feel I should turn this into my true journal(of course, it won't always be daily, and sometimes won't even be a journal entry).
Anywho, I feel I just need something to release my mind.
I just don't know why, but...I know I'm a furry, I love being a furry, I love everything about it! I'd take being a furry over being a normal human any day. So...why do I feel butterflies bounce off my stomach whenever the thoughts come up? These all started when I actually told my closest friends about my furri(or in my case, feathery)ness, and they fully accepted it. But after I told them, I felt my nerves would be gone for good...but...they seemed to have only gotten worse. I don't know if my mind is telling me that I should be open to everyone, if I should just...truly reveal what I am, but where I live...its difficult. *Sniff* sorry, I'm listening to the Sad Pollyanna Remix(I love this kind of music) Anyway, where I live...its a town filled with wannabes, punks...and as I refer to them as...Brunters(hunters that brag about killing animals). My heart lurches, and my rage boils to where...I just want to make them bleed, but my shy, timid nature holds me back. What's the point of attack...when it won't do anything towards what you love.
*sniff* boy I'm playing the wrong song for this. Back on track. I don't want to be saying what I a-no, here I can say what my heart truly wants to be heard. I don't want to be saying I'm a furry to those kinds of people. Not because I WANT to hide it, just because...well...I'm scared. Half of these people don't pay
me a glance as it is, mainly because they already outcast me even before this. Heh, sorry if I'm sounding like I'm trying to push off what I am, because, I'm not, I just fear that they will, and just...send my reputation down as it already is. My home doesn't have the brightest ideas...but they have some loud echoing voices, and I'm someone...that all they want is to be heard, not all the time, just...every now and then. I don't crave attention...I just, don't like to be alone.
Whoops...got a tear on the keyboard. They always see me as...a dark, silent person. Someone, that wouldn't have anything wise to say anyway. Whenever I'm placed in a team, they plan everything before I get a chance. I've even had one time where I was in a room, reading one of my favorite books, and I was the only one there. Someone came in, and just sat there for about 5 minutes, until they finally saw me. I won't deny that I like to be alone sometimes...just not all the time, or even most of the time. I want to ask things and get serious answers, I want to talk to someone, and have them talk back...and I...well this is going to sound silly. I-I-I wouldn't mind a hug everynow and then...so I know someone actually ca*sniff*res. Gotta stop that...crying thing.
Of course...again, where I live, giving hugs, is essentially a way to say "Hi, I'm gay!" Now I have no offense towards those who are(I really don't), but I'm not. In fact...I really...gah WHY IS IT SO HARD JUST TO SAY IT! I'm 17, why am I thinking of this now?! Phew...well, might as well, I-I-it hurts because I'd truly love to have...love, and have it be true. Someone I could...look into their eyes, and have them look back. Someone willing to listen to me, knowing I'd listen to them. Someone I could joke with, and have them laugh. Someone I could hug, and they'd reply with a kiss. Yet, I fear that those sort of things, might only belong in the stories, or movies. Those characters are the lucky ones, going on an adventure, being heroes, and making some people happy.
Boy, this entry certainly took a depressing tone...boy does that make me look...pathetic. Ugh, well, I had to let my heart type what it's wanted to say for a long time now, knowing...maybe someone will listen. Atleast this is only day one...maybe...hopefully...it'll get better for me. I'm just glad...I decided to take time to...make a journal of some kind.
Anyways...I got another thing to type, for one of my favorite websites, sm.net. Whatever keeps me happy and calm I guess. Funny thing is, I should really be getting some sleep, I have school in the morning, and it's nearly 3 AM, but...I partially nocturnal, so they'll have to bear with me, cranky or not. I might decide to play a little Advanced Wars, or maybe some Okamiden, just to help calm me down some more, because at this time...after saying what was on my mind...I could really use a hug of some kind.



Pheen