Well my pc broke and had to go in for repairs that took quite a while. I'm going to get to my commissioners via note and offer them refunds due to my sudden disappearance and inability to communicate.

Warning, ahead is some chronic illness wank.

I've had the worst 2 weeks with this tumor that I've had in years. It's really frustrating that I can be doing so well then have an extra burst of hormones kick my ass so hard.

Pretty much my hormone secreting tumor in my pituitary decided I needed some down time so I got a full dose of both gender's hormones while pming. I got to spend a week crying then raging then having anxiety attacks that have no real emotional connection to anything happening in my life aside from the extra hormones.

Now I'm a week behind on my comic pages and am late on 2 commissions. I'm hoping my commissioners will be understanding as I plan on giving them free upgrades to inked and colored for their patience with me and my medical situation.

I try to keep talking about my tumor and bitching about it to a minimum, but it's hard not to feel lonely in what I go through some times. I'm glad my mom is taking me to a brain tumor support group meeting cause I know it's hard for people who aren't dealing with similar to really understand what life with a brain tumor can be like. It's just so frustrating having all these things I want to do but can't without risking my health and that includes working outside of my house. I really wish I could do that.

Oh well, when life gives you lemons you gotta take life and punch it in the fucking face.

http://www.musebugs.com/redlines/lock.jpg
lol

I decided to stop fasting for now and try to get back the energy I lost. I was at the point yesterday where even drinking water made me ill to my stomach and my hormones made my sleep back to 20 hours a day. I hope that later in the month I'll be able to try a lighter fast with two days on food and then one day of fasting.

All of the people who gave me advice on this I owe a thank you and I'm sorry I couldn't reply to your individual posts, as I was just to wiped.

It's been only 3 days and I am progressively getting sicker and sicker. I'm not sure if my chronic health problems are going to make fasting realistic.

Happy Ramadan to to all my fasters and non-fasters! Wishing you all the best no matter what beliefs you hold.

Called my hormone doctor and it seems I get to be sent to another specialist for custom meds. Seriously... custom medication. The fuck body, really?

I think we take advantage of the idea of freedom of speech to an extreme. Am I saying that there is anything fundamentally wrong with freedom of speech, but with every right there are individual responsibilities and no where is that more true than with freedom of speech.

It's easy to forget that things we take for rights were not earned without a struggle and need to be respected as the valuable and precious things they are and that, to me at least, means knowing when your freedoms start to push the boundaries of safety for others. Like one wouldn't yell bomb in an airport, even though they have the right to, there are things that are simply not appropriate to express in a global political climate like we have now.

Imagine for a moment that you live in a smallish country with not the best economy and for the past 100 years the big rich countries seem to have put out a stream of media that portrays all of your culture and beliefs as stereotypes. Out of 500 portrayals of people from your culture in movies from these big dogs only 5% show people of your culture even having the same basic feelings and needs as everyone else.

Imagine that in this place you live you are a woman who people in the bigger countries view as a subjugated second class citizen, With out asking what you feel your needs are they tell you what you need, how you should dress to please their culture when all you really want and need is an economy that can support a better education and jobs for you and the children, both male and female, in your family.

Then imagine after years of being stereotyped, pitied and looked down on someone in your midst snaps and decides to conform to the stigma that has been rubbed in your face. And as soon as you know it, now you are being vilified further due to the radical actions of the few. Your religion is a cult, you worship the moon and a box in the sand, your women are all sad and raped and abused.

Now if in the midst of this that same big country came with guns under the guise of liberating you, not from the poverty that causes extremism to flourish but from the religion they associate with it. Would you trust them? Would you want to adopt their cultural beliefs when all you have seen of yourself in it is degradation?

This is why freedom of speech needs to be practiced wisely, in the "west" we've made every Muslim in the middle east feel like less than human, like something to be pitied and laughed at then wonder why this offering for our version of democracy isn't catching. The media from here hasn't solely dictated feelings in the middle east but it has aggravated the situation exponentially. Hell even Disney is guilty of it, portraying Arabs in Aladdin as barbaric people who will cut off your hand for stealing. It's no wonder why so many Americans and Canadians are suspicious of Arabs and have the assumption that Arabian = Muslim = terrorist when it's what we've been feeding to people ever so increasingly since the last big bad guy dissolved it's communism.

One side feels insulted, one side feels there is nothing of value on the other side and to an extent, both sides feel they are the better.

Now if only we could use this right we've been given to actually communicate without presuppositions we might actually be able to get some where that doesn't end in blood shed for anyone.

I have returned a day early due to the size of my bags, not being able to fit in the car I was going to come back in tomorrow. 2 days, however, was more than enough for me. I'm sore and tired and happy. I didn't sell anything so that's a tad disappointing, but I got to meet Gail Simone and got her to sign my sketch book.

I wasn't even the only hijabi hanging around. I met a woman who draws her own comics and also draws versions of super heroines in hijab. I got a new sketch book, an amazing tee shirt, some earrings, a glass dip pen, 10 comics/anthologies and had an amazing late dinner at the Unicorn pub (No, I don't drink) that was a burger with 2 8oz patties. Felt a bit guilty for going to the pub, but alcohol isn't something that tempts me and all the people I knew were going and I really didn't want to be alone in a city I'm not used to.

Calgary is beautiful, I always forget just how small town Edmonton is in comparison. Our buildings are no where near as tall, and out Downtown has more middle aged building where Calgary has a really lovely mix of old and very new ones.

I'm actually glad I came back early, I'm more than a bit worn out, to the point that I fell asleep behind our con table on the floor.

: / Danno man, danno. I like it, but I don't like the looks some people give me.

I will preface this by saying I am no great fan of apologetics as a way to try and convert people into any specific belief. I don’t even think apologetics are valuable to faith, if faith is exactly that. You can either put belief in something unknown or you can not and no amount of convincing to or from said faith would be effective if it is actual faith. My point in this is not to argue that I’m right, I’m human and imperfect, as all humans are. Nor is it to try and convert people to my way of thought. Everyone should be free to believe and to an extent act as they think is a benefit to society.

I was an atheist for 6 years, and over all I had a great time. I love thinking about things both critically and philosophically, be they religions or science or art. I value my ability to use my brain to form opinions, even if as a human, my opinions, like most others, can be biased. Why did I stop being an atheist? For one, I found a large amount of hypocrisy among some atheists, that is not saying that hypocrisy is not found in any system of belief or disbelief. However this bit of hypocrisy shocked me as someone who had assumed all atheists were like me at the time and would be able to look critically not only at the beliefs of others but at their own beliefs. Instead what I found were threads and videos by some expounding support for socially inept and bigoted individuals on the basis that they were also atheists. In my mind it is extremely hard to truly be a critical thinker if you are unable to be critical of your own views.

My main stay beliefs as an atheist revolved around secular humanism and shockingly still do despite my conversion to Islam. I know it is easy for some to assume that a Muslim must support things like theocracies based solely on the fact that many middle east countries are just that. I do not support theocracy from any religion. I believe that limiting the free will of people to choose or not to choose to have religion in their lives is not only wrong but is not a display of what faith is, If one if forced by a governing body into faith then that person’s faith is not based on their actual beliefs and is thus not faith at all.

I write this in hopes of dissuading some who would assume that based on a specific book I read that I am some how unable to form my own opinions on matters and am simply blindly following what is set down in front of me instead of using the brain I feel I am blessed to have to try and come to conclusions that are both socially responsible and ethical for everyone. And I believe that choosing equality for all is rational and just.

I’ve come under fire for my beliefs from secularists and Muslims alike. Some Muslims believe that equality should be based on gender roles and I cannot as person who thinks women should be free to do what they want with themselves as long as it does not harm others, fully accept this rational that all men are A. and all women are B. To me in it’s essence this kind of argument is bigoted to both genders. At the same time I have come under some fire for my recent choice to wear hijab (a form of modest dress based in Islam) buy secularists. This too is at it’s root wrong to me. My clothes do not harm anyone around me, they make me feel closer to god and that to me is all my hijab is about. I’ve had people tell me that I am obviously an oppressed woman for wanting to be modest in a world where growing up I always felt pressured to look this way, that you never saw fat people on tv unless it was a comedy, that those who did not fit into a size 6 were fundamentally irresponsible and greedy. The fact that some would want to limit my dress to not include a scarf is to me as sexist and bigoted as the Saudi government’s limiting women to wearing a scarf. There is a healthy middle ground that I feel some people choose to over look on the basis of their own belief in what is right.

Moderation is key in my mind to health in all parts of the human psyche, and in my case this involves moderate use of religion for my own emotional fulfilment. Now one could say that using religion this way is using it as a crutch, my answer to that is that sometimes people need crutches, we are emotional and ego driven by nature and if such belief can aid in a semblance of rationality and thus aid an individual to be happier it in the end can aid all of society. This however only works in moderation.

One should also note that secular society to be fair and just to all, should never limit a person for belief in a deity(s) that is benign in their practices.

So I found a video on youtube about polygamy in Islam so I dropped my opinion:

Me:
Salaam! I'm a new convert/revert to Islam, and I've read the Qu'ran. Much of it is beautiful, but there are things I disagree with. To me that's not being a non-believer, it's following the Qu'ran when it says there is no compulsion in religion. As far as this subject goes, I don't agree with it, but then that's just my opinion.

tough guy:
you show you DONT HAVE A CLUE about islam

so youre a convert eh...whats with the REVERT nonsense LOL - surely you would know that every human being is born an innocent baby...NO ONE is ever born muslim like insecure islam teaches

you accepted islam giving you 'right to choose' to join,& now as muslim SUPPORT islam denying same right to MAJORITY born into ummah and MURDER for non belief/leaving

shame on you

Me:
Where did I say that? I don't believe the revert BS, but I know others do so I was being respectful. Where did I say I supported the wahabism and tribalism that leads to honour killings? You seem to assume that just because I'm Muslim I'm unable to either criticise my own faith or others who may practice it under a different sect or denomination. I say shame on you for making such vast assumptions of my person when you don't know me.

tough guy:
you claim using revert nonsense word is 'respectful' LOL - respect is NOT a right,must be earned...so WHY would you think using such is respectful

you obviously live in west....in muslim countries people are KILLED for daring to question or criticise - & as a muslim you MUST SUPPORT what islam is,does & causes

you clearly DONT KNOW islam
I
ts NOT an assumption that you 'accepted right to choose' but now as a muslim you SUPPORT denial of right inflicted on others....as its the basis of islam that there is hideous PENALTY for non belief/leaving - those people who dont believe the errors in koran/hoax ARE DENIED right to choose freely,openly,safely

you clearly DONT KNOW what leads to honour killing either...and in shariah there is NO PENALTY for killing offspring

but do you even CARE that girls are killed?

Me:
Because all Muslims are identical right? Once again where did I say I supported wahabism? I don't think you even know what that refers to, but then say I don't know about Islam. Can you tell me how many different sects there are and how their practices differ? I can tell you, but I know you don't care either way, when it's easier to pretend all Muslims are identical and all Mulsim women are oppressed and suffering. I wonder if you broad brush other groups of people?

Where did I say I support the way women in the middle east are treated? I guess by the same logic as an Australian you support the ethnic cleansing of the natives of Australia right? I mean that is the logic you are using. But thanks for not answering any of my questions and continuing to make assumptions that do nothing but show your ignorance. I hope you live a happy life knowing you have such hate in your heart.



Lol I'm obviously a horrible terrorist.

Thanks for all your input on my last journal. I went ahead and ordered 3 hijab scarfs, just to give it a go. There's no harm in trying it so I might as well!

For those interested I got these:
http://www.hijabstoreonline.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=42_44&products_id=6060 I love the pleats so much! And it would be so easy to slip on.
http://www.hijabstoreonline.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=68_70&products_id=5965 This one's just sassy and I love me some sassy.
I seem to have snagged the last of the other one so the image is no longer up, but I got a pink under-scarf and a black and pink plaid one. :3


I'm hoping my experiment will end well for me, if I choose to continue or not.
salaam all of you!

Once again not wanting to cause drama, but I'm dealing with what I think most people would consider a controversial subject. That subject happens to be hijab and my deciding as a convert/revert (depending on your interpretation) if I'm going to wear one.

Now I just want to preface this with saying, no, no one would be making me wear this. No, my family doesn't care either way (Masha-Allah). And no, my friends have already said they would not judge me badly for it if that was what I decided. My Boyfriend doesn't think I'll do it (yes, I know I'm not strictly supposed to have a live in boyfriend).

Now I know I should not let this bother me, but I'm almost afraid of what others might say. I live in Canada and like the US currently there's a whole lot of hate out there for things people don't understand or want to try understanding. There's a ton of people who jump to the conclusion that a hijab is for keeping women dependant on men; honestly I even used to believe that a couple years ago. I, however, am one that believes everything should be in moderation (even if I fail to do so in practice some times) and that people will do what they feel is right for them whether they are religious, spiritual, agnostic or atheist. And right now I feel this is right and hijab is something I want for myself.

But that brings up another part of this. Now I'm pansexual and I understand how many Mulsims feel about us sinning homo types (as unjust as I find any kind of prejudice, the fact remains that it exists). To say the least some would call me a sinner for being as Allah has made me. And yes I do believe I was born this way, or I would not have known at 8 that I liked girls too despite not even knowing that people could be attracted to the same gender. Now would wearing a hijab make me a hypocrite? Or is trying to find a comfortable spot between Allah and who I am really a horrible place to be?

The Qu'ran says there is no compulsion in religion and I believe that, but it also leaves me wondering where I fit.

Any advice would be great, whether you are in any way religious or not.
Assalamu Alalikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh to my Muslim brothers and sisters and peace to every last one of you.

Thank all of you for the support and kind words you've offered me in my search of Islam. I really appreciate it. Today I did my first Ṣalāh :D

Just gotta say I'm pleased. No, I'm not a prude or censorship nazi, but this site can be viewed by kids and icons can't be filtered like regular submissions. I just think there is a time and a place for expressing sexual things, and in front of people as young as 13 is not right in any situation. I don't understand a lot of the journals complaining about it really, this is a private site, after all. The admins have the right to make the rules and complaining is not going to help anyone. It's almost the same as complaining you can't have ice cream for breakfast cause you live in your mom's house and that's her rule.

I think if people who believe this is unfair actually applied themselves then they'd be able to make, maintain and run their own art site with rules they find fair. But I think we all know that people are more likely to complain about things then take active steps toward making themselves happier on any given subject.

That's about it.

I think I might be converting. I may no longer be an agnostic, but I'm not sure. I need to think on it more before I know if Islam is for me, and I need to talk to someone who might be able to explain things for me. It's still kind of up in the air, but from all my reading of holy books I think this one I conform more easily to and actually resonates with me in a way others have not.

Anyway, just my thoughts at the moment.

I'm proud of myself so far! I've already lost a bit and you can see it in my face. But most importantly I'm finding healthy and fulfilling alternatives to the stuff I love to eat. So with that, here's 2 awesome recipes I've made and want to share cause they are just great!

Crazy Crust Pizza:

This one's great cause the crust is easy to make and doesn't need yeast or baking powder. You could probably substitute half of the white flower with whole grain. I didn't cause I had none.

Preheat your oven to 400F and lightly grease a round baking sheet or pizza pan.
In a large bowl combine the following:

1 cup all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon dried oregano or italian spice
1/8 tea spoon black pepper
1 egg, lightly beaten
2/3 cup of skim milk

You should get a batter, pour it on you pan, even it out with a spoon and cook for 12 minutes. When it's done take it out and add the toppings of your choice. I used a tomato, broccoli, green pepper, 1/2 cup redwine pasta sauce and 1/4 cup skim mozzarella. My whole 12 inch pizza was 1176 calories, and yes that is a lot until you compare it with a big mac at 540 calories and with fries, more than double the fat that's in the pizza.

Total nutrition per 1/4 pizza:
cals: 269
carbs: 32.25g
protein: 16.25g
fat: 8.3g
sodium: 824.5mg, I know this is a tad high, but I don't add salt on anything so it's a fair trade off
fiber: 2.9g


Chickpeas on Toast:

This is great for frustration, as you get to beat the ever loving shit out of chickpeas.

1/2 cup chickpeas
1 tomato
1/2 teaspoon dried hot peppers
2 slices of whole grain bread
pepper to taste.

Toss your toast in and while it's going chop up your tomato. Put the diced tomato, chickpeas and peppers in a zip lock bag. BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF IT. The peas should be mashed, the tomato should be all through out. You could remove the hulls from the chickpeas for a smoother mash, but it cuts out some great fiber.

Now split the mash between the 2 pieces of toast, pepper it and enjoy your spicy treat.

Nutrition on this can very depending on the bread, for me it's the following for both pieces of toast:

#
carbs: 56.8g
protein: 15.3g
fat: 3.3g
sodium: 639mg
fiber: 11.8g

Now go nom!

If you don't want you're art to be criticized then why are you posting it on an open forum? People are going to criticize it whether they tell you about it or not. The people who do tell you about it are generally not trolls. There are easier things to troll than you and your drawings. People who do this have taken the time to look at what you are doing and tell you what they think honestly, instead of just offering superficial ass-pats. They are taking their time to LOOK at your work and try and help you improve. That's hardly an insult.

If you don't want crit then say so and people will keep it to themselves, but if you want the good comments then understand that not everyone is going to kiss your ass and not everyone is going to agree with you or word things in a way you like. But remember if you can't learn to take crit then chances are that you aren't ready to work professionally. An editor does not have time to make a compliment sandwich style crit just to keep you happy. If an editor has a problem with a character on your page looking wrong, they will say so in the bluntest way possible to avoid confusion and the time wasting it causes.

When I took my work to the Edmonton Toy and Collectable show do you know what Ron Wagner (artist of Dark Knight, Dare Devil, Punisher) asked? It was this; "Can you take criticism?"

As an artist you don't have to internalize criticism if you feel it's wrong, but for god sake a step back from your work and maybe try to see what the person who is taking their time out of their day to say something has to say. If it makes you angry then say "thanks for the input." And maybe after a few weeks go back and see if it still makes you angry because of the pride you have in your work or if it smacks as true. Hell I've had to do this, everyone has to do this at some point. Pride is what holds a lot of artists back. Writing journals about it is not making you look like a composed grown up who people want to buy from. It makes you look immature not only as an artist but as an individual.

Just my thoughts on how some people react to crit.

I'm going to be there! I'm all booked and will be at the Open Door table in artist's alley!

I'm really excited!

Wow, really? I know the man was a monster but really? Do you really think the rest of the world is looking at Americans celebrating death and thinking "oh man good for them," instead of "wow that's sick."? I know most Americans aren't doing it, but do those who are seriously think this attitude is going to help anyone overseas right now?

Now this might just be me, but it feels like there's a correlation between those who hate abortion cause it's murder and those celebrating the death of one fucking guy. If you fall into both these categories you might want to stop and realize how ironic that is. Pro-life, unless it's someone you hate, then killing and celebrating it is awesome.

I honestly can't even see this as a victory for America when you weigh the death tolls on both sides. All I know is the majority of other people I've talked to about this locally think it's disgusting and shameful behaviour and the same kind of behaviour that got American soil to have terrorist attacks on it in the first place.

But then this is just my opinion. If you think that celebrating death in anyway is justifiable then I kinda hope Westberro Baptist celebrates the hell out of the deaths of people you care for.

Hooray, got my submission pack for Artist in Residency at the comic store done. I just wish I could have done it better, but I thought the deadline was next week and then the hospital trip. Not holding out a ton of hope at this time, but at least I've got a nice cover letter done that I can send out with a few tweeks to a few art based companies around the city. So I'll call it a success either way.

Gonna spend more time today on the 3 commissions on my plate and maybe finish up this little comic I'm doing that, so far, is only reminding me why I hate inking digitally. This thing uses the same background most of the way through so I thought copy paste would make it look a little cleaner.

Getting a bit pumped for the Calgary Comic Con. Still need to make more product and business cards for my table spot and get my site a little more together.

In other news, I'm easily amused. Put a bindi made of coffee on my cat and laughed about how adorable it was.

4cm cyst on my overy? It's more likely than you think.

Doctor said I should be fine since it's a simple cyst and will get reabsorbed in a couple weeks. Just gotta relax until then so it doesn't rupture and no surgery will be needed.

4cm, no wonder I felt so bad.

That's right. I've been having odd abdominal pains for 3 days now and went to the ER last night. They kept me for a few hours and ran tests that don't show what's up.

I won't be going away today as planned but no worries. If you've contacted me for a commission recently please send me a note with what you want and send payment to my paypal at suewithers[at]musebugs.com and I'll get on them as soon as I get back from my ultrasound today.

I'm not to horribly worried, even with the pain. If it's something serious I'll deal with it then, but no point in getting upset over something I don't know just yet.

Cheers all and hopefully you all managed to stay out of the hospital last night.