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Delay
Posted 3 years agoSorry for the Delay, had lots of issues arise.
Was in a car accident, Im fine, my vehicle isn't tho.. then had to find a way to keep on working D: because I just started job.
but I am trying to find time to draw.
Was in a car accident, Im fine, my vehicle isn't tho.. then had to find a way to keep on working D: because I just started job.
but I am trying to find time to draw.
Im Back?
Posted 3 years agoSo been like 6 years since Ive moved to Alabama.
Other than losing my job of 6 years it's not soo bad.
Trying to find another but the struggle is real.
Anyways, if you read this say hello!
Other than losing my job of 6 years it's not soo bad.
Trying to find another but the struggle is real.
Anyways, if you read this say hello!
Moved to Alabama
Posted 9 years agoSo, just recently moved to Madison Alabama.
Still dont have my driver's nor a car.
Having a friend spend $25 for me soI can get my bicycle tuned up so I can have some form of transportation, which means I have to keep jobs that I am looking for within a 5 mile radius.
This area doesn't have too much sidewalk and going to Hunsville is 10+ miles
still getting things set up here and apologize for all delays and all that jazz. :(
Still dont have my driver's nor a car.
Having a friend spend $25 for me soI can get my bicycle tuned up so I can have some form of transportation, which means I have to keep jobs that I am looking for within a 5 mile radius.
This area doesn't have too much sidewalk and going to Hunsville is 10+ miles
still getting things set up here and apologize for all delays and all that jazz. :(
NO FOOD in 3 DAYS! Hungry...
Posted 9 years agoThe reason why i haven't been on is because, I lost my job.
And have been looking for another one.
I have kinda found one, but it isn't very consistant.
I got a job interview tomorrow but I need $14 for an uber/lyft ride there and back.
I also have ate in 3 days... Starting to get those headaches... but it doesn't matter I tend to try to sleep it off anyways. Wake up hungry, stay awake for a couple hours, sleep more, and repeat it so I can keep my hunger under control..
I've tried so many times for people to provide me a ride to the grocery store because I have a little bit of money to buy something cheap, but I have no one, no friends no family to assist me..
I am alone.. completely and always..
Who even reads my stupid shit?
Posted 9 years agoThis is what goes inside me. And this is only really a small portion that does go on inside me on a daily basis.
The confusion that continues to unfold inside me.
Is like a terrible storm that will never subside.
I thought I had put this aside to be.
But it had continued to boil inside.
I am not what you think, though I put a good act.
I am something so scary that not even I can understand.
I keep it weld up inside, and hope that no one will notice.
But, eventually it will one day, and that is what I I am scared of.
Nobody asked for this, for me, for this ugly thing I am.
You might all think I'm just a good person, but what if deep down I really am not?
Every day I'm still learning who I am, and ask the questions, What am I suppose to do? Why am I even here? What is my purpose? I have yet to find those answers.
Constantly struggle, whether it be subconscious or not, about my gender.
In middle school, I tried extremely hard to pass for a boy, in which I did in many occasions. But, after looking up information for surgeries and such to become a real boy, I decided that being female isn't so bad.
Being female meant, I could get a lot more stuff I wanted. I could persuade boys to get me things I want. I did this. Knowing what I was doing. Bending them to my will. Using them, without them knowing.
Now, it's almost become sort of a habit, which I do without knowing sometimes.
I used to be extremely gullible, I a still today, but not as much as I used to. I have learned.
I have never been diagnosed with depression, or anxiety of different variants, or Mood Disorder or Trichotillomania. But I know I have them.
I struggle every day at my job. Biting my lip, dealing with it every day I am there, because I have to, I need to, without it I won't have a home, food.
I am a huge mess, and I don't want anyone to be part of that.
I don't want to get to close to anyone. Since Cinder Died my "Love" emotion has been turned off, and I really cannot love anyone.
For the exception of family, and 1-2 other people. But that is a different kind of love. I cannot romantically love this is why I don't want a relationship of that sort.
I'm sorry for you all to have to continue to witness my depression, my anxiety, my mood disorders, my idiocy. My soulless body.
I am sorry for everything that I do or say and you have to deal with it, well couple of you.
I am sorry for being here.
The confusion that continues to unfold inside me.
Is like a terrible storm that will never subside.
I thought I had put this aside to be.
But it had continued to boil inside.
I am not what you think, though I put a good act.
I am something so scary that not even I can understand.
I keep it weld up inside, and hope that no one will notice.
But, eventually it will one day, and that is what I I am scared of.
Nobody asked for this, for me, for this ugly thing I am.
You might all think I'm just a good person, but what if deep down I really am not?
Every day I'm still learning who I am, and ask the questions, What am I suppose to do? Why am I even here? What is my purpose? I have yet to find those answers.
Constantly struggle, whether it be subconscious or not, about my gender.
In middle school, I tried extremely hard to pass for a boy, in which I did in many occasions. But, after looking up information for surgeries and such to become a real boy, I decided that being female isn't so bad.
Being female meant, I could get a lot more stuff I wanted. I could persuade boys to get me things I want. I did this. Knowing what I was doing. Bending them to my will. Using them, without them knowing.
Now, it's almost become sort of a habit, which I do without knowing sometimes.
I used to be extremely gullible, I a still today, but not as much as I used to. I have learned.
I have never been diagnosed with depression, or anxiety of different variants, or Mood Disorder or Trichotillomania. But I know I have them.
I struggle every day at my job. Biting my lip, dealing with it every day I am there, because I have to, I need to, without it I won't have a home, food.
I am a huge mess, and I don't want anyone to be part of that.
I don't want to get to close to anyone. Since Cinder Died my "Love" emotion has been turned off, and I really cannot love anyone.
For the exception of family, and 1-2 other people. But that is a different kind of love. I cannot romantically love this is why I don't want a relationship of that sort.
I'm sorry for you all to have to continue to witness my depression, my anxiety, my mood disorders, my idiocy. My soulless body.
I am sorry for everything that I do or say and you have to deal with it, well couple of you.
I am sorry for being here.
Tampa Area Furs!! Need a place to stay?
Posted 9 years agoPlease, spread this around to anyone and everyone in this area, or coming to this area.
I also have the right to deny anyone as well, keep this in mind.
If someone needs a place to stay short term, where I live is open. Providing some contribution would be a big help. Either Cleaning, groceries, a little bit of money. This will all depend on how long you need to stay here. I am willing to do this for a max of a month.
I live alone now. BUT I do not own this house, nor do I own 99% of the items in this house.
If I decide to let you 'couch surf' you have to agree with me that NOTHING will be taken from this home. I work 40 hours a week and cannot worry about people stealing from this home.
If I absolutely have to, I will lock you out of the house while I'm at work, but I don't want to do that. I want to trust you all.
I also have the right to deny anyone as well, keep this in mind.
If someone needs a place to stay short term, where I live is open. Providing some contribution would be a big help. Either Cleaning, groceries, a little bit of money. This will all depend on how long you need to stay here. I am willing to do this for a max of a month.
I live alone now. BUT I do not own this house, nor do I own 99% of the items in this house.
If I decide to let you 'couch surf' you have to agree with me that NOTHING will be taken from this home. I work 40 hours a week and cannot worry about people stealing from this home.
If I absolutely have to, I will lock you out of the house while I'm at work, but I don't want to do that. I want to trust you all.
Not so Happy Birthday to me.
Posted 9 years agoBut it doesn't matter because no one really cares.
I dont feels like eating.
No friends to hang out with.
No one to want to spend time with me.
No presents. No Hugs. No physical touch.
....
I have nothing and continue to have nothing...
They reinvited me to the tampa fla fur group on facebook and told them to fuck off.
Who wants someone that all they do is beg all the time when it even wasn't there fault.
Doesn't matter... Im just a pile a shit that life just continue to go to shit every day..
I dont feels like eating.
No friends to hang out with.
No one to want to spend time with me.
No presents. No Hugs. No physical touch.
....
I have nothing and continue to have nothing...
They reinvited me to the tampa fla fur group on facebook and told them to fuck off.
Who wants someone that all they do is beg all the time when it even wasn't there fault.
Doesn't matter... Im just a pile a shit that life just continue to go to shit every day..
That took forever.
Posted 9 years agoOk so Im back, I had to e-mail FA to get a new PW because the e-mail that I use for this account I guess isn't either of the ones I use normally.
But for those who did not see my previous journal. I am not getting back my tax refund due to it being offset to my Student loans.
Which means I will have to wait until I have extra money to refund you back.
I apologies for this inconvenience.
I pay $250 out of each of my checks for rent.
And the rest I have to figure out and manage it, for food, save up to unsuspected my license, going to paying off Kay Jewelers. etc etc. But will pay you guys back.
Also I got super sick but still had to go into work. Wed I will work on Nina's commish and finish that.
But for those who did not see my previous journal. I am not getting back my tax refund due to it being offset to my Student loans.
Which means I will have to wait until I have extra money to refund you back.
I apologies for this inconvenience.
I pay $250 out of each of my checks for rent.
And the rest I have to figure out and manage it, for food, save up to unsuspected my license, going to paying off Kay Jewelers. etc etc. But will pay you guys back.
Also I got super sick but still had to go into work. Wed I will work on Nina's commish and finish that.
Not Getting Tax Refund
Posted 9 years agoSo without warning, the Goverment instead took my tax refund and put it towards my student loan.
So now Im siting with -$5 in the bank and having to wait til friday for any money.
Which means I will have to deal with no food until then. Just lovely..
So now Im siting with -$5 in the bank and having to wait til friday for any money.
Which means I will have to deal with no food until then. Just lovely..
REFUNDS SOON!
Posted 9 years agoI'll be getting my taxrefund soon so I'll providing refunds to peeps.
Dracoshroob
MissTengu
please provide me in a note, what you name or e-mail is on paypal so I can refund that transaction.
If anyone else that I owe art to please come forward.
Remind me what photo it is and how much i've worked on them
NinaAzuraDrakena - I'll be finishing up this week just need to colour.
Dracoshroob
MissTenguplease provide me in a note, what you name or e-mail is on paypal so I can refund that transaction.
If anyone else that I owe art to please come forward.
Remind me what photo it is and how much i've worked on them
NinaAzuraDrakena - I'll be finishing up this week just need to colour. NEED YOUR HELP PLEASE! not that you care...
Posted 9 years agoEven if you cannot help atleast post that you acknowledge this. What I hate the most is people reading this, and then ignoring this. I would rather know that you are thinking about it and would like to help then just keep in silence, because you say anything makes me feel like, welp I'm just not worth helping at all.
Been depressed all day, and with no money to buy even some ramen noodles or something well that just adds on to everything else im dealing with. But no one cares.. why should I? I would rather just die so I can be with my Cinder again. I think about that every day, where I wish I were just dead so I can be with him again. Why do I keep treading on like this...
I know that you guys might not be able to help and what not.
But I got hit by some unexpected fees on my bank account and now resting at a negative account balance.
If anyone would be able to help https://www.paypal.me/PookieFX here's the link to throw some money my way.
I don't get paid until the 29th and haven't really ate anything in like the past 3-4 days. :< I was gonna do a little bit of grocery shopping today, but I got hit by that stupid fee, the one where they auto transfer money from my savings (Which I have no money in) into my checking so make sure I don't over draft, but thanks to that fee I am currently over drafted, yay...
It's been a while since I made a post like this. But I need the help desperately this time.
The other times I've been able to manage it some how but this time I cannot .
Also Selling 3 Infinity Toys, New, Still in box, Sealed.
http://i.imgur.com/Srigm6B.png
Selling all 3 for $30 together.
Elsa and Anna for $20
Separately
Jack for $15
Elsa for $13
Anna for $10
I also have random Comic books. - Name your Price.
http://i.imgur.com/yLdAeUX.jpg - http://i.imgur.com/6b6TUth.jpg
Other Random Items - Name Your Price
http://i.imgur.com/OL1hOis.png
http://i.imgur.com/tL7Q7q2.jpg
http://i.imgur.com/z7WWDTD.png - Umbrella Large
http://i.imgur.com/rjgIKuA.png http://i.imgur.com/2vu6FjA.png - SUPER large bow, its like the same height as me
Been depressed all day, and with no money to buy even some ramen noodles or something well that just adds on to everything else im dealing with. But no one cares.. why should I? I would rather just die so I can be with my Cinder again. I think about that every day, where I wish I were just dead so I can be with him again. Why do I keep treading on like this...
I know that you guys might not be able to help and what not.
But I got hit by some unexpected fees on my bank account and now resting at a negative account balance.
If anyone would be able to help https://www.paypal.me/PookieFX here's the link to throw some money my way.
I don't get paid until the 29th and haven't really ate anything in like the past 3-4 days. :< I was gonna do a little bit of grocery shopping today, but I got hit by that stupid fee, the one where they auto transfer money from my savings (Which I have no money in) into my checking so make sure I don't over draft, but thanks to that fee I am currently over drafted, yay...
It's been a while since I made a post like this. But I need the help desperately this time.
The other times I've been able to manage it some how but this time I cannot .
Also Selling 3 Infinity Toys, New, Still in box, Sealed.
http://i.imgur.com/Srigm6B.png
Selling all 3 for $30 together.
Elsa and Anna for $20
Separately
Jack for $15
Elsa for $13
Anna for $10
I also have random Comic books. - Name your Price.
http://i.imgur.com/yLdAeUX.jpg - http://i.imgur.com/6b6TUth.jpg
Other Random Items - Name Your Price
http://i.imgur.com/OL1hOis.png
http://i.imgur.com/tL7Q7q2.jpg
http://i.imgur.com/z7WWDTD.png - Umbrella Large
http://i.imgur.com/rjgIKuA.png http://i.imgur.com/2vu6FjA.png - SUPER large bow, its like the same height as me
Need Help! Selling Stuff
Posted 9 years agoI know that you guys might not be able to help and what not.
But I got hit by some unexpected fees on my bank account and now resting at a negative account balance.
If anyone would be able to help https://www.paypal.me/PookieFX here's the link to throw some money my way.
I don't get paid until the 29th and haven't really ate anything in like the past 3-4 days. :< I was gonna do a little bit of grocery shopping today, but I got hit by that stupid fee, the one where they auto transfer money from my savings (Which I have no money in) into my checking so make sure I don't over draft, but thanks to that fee I am currently over drafted, yay...
It's been a while since I made a post like this. But I need the help desperately this time.
The other times I've been able to manage it some how but this time I cannot .
Also Selling 3 Infinity Toys, New, Still in box, Sealed.
http://i.imgur.com/Srigm6B.png
Selling all 3 for $30 together.
Elsa and Anna for $20
Separately
Jack for $15
Elsa for $13
Anna for $10
I also have random Comic books.
http://i.imgur.com/yLdAeUX.jpg - http://i.imgur.com/6b6TUth.jpg
Name your price on them.
But I got hit by some unexpected fees on my bank account and now resting at a negative account balance.
If anyone would be able to help https://www.paypal.me/PookieFX here's the link to throw some money my way.
I don't get paid until the 29th and haven't really ate anything in like the past 3-4 days. :< I was gonna do a little bit of grocery shopping today, but I got hit by that stupid fee, the one where they auto transfer money from my savings (Which I have no money in) into my checking so make sure I don't over draft, but thanks to that fee I am currently over drafted, yay...
It's been a while since I made a post like this. But I need the help desperately this time.
The other times I've been able to manage it some how but this time I cannot .
Also Selling 3 Infinity Toys, New, Still in box, Sealed.
http://i.imgur.com/Srigm6B.png
Selling all 3 for $30 together.
Elsa and Anna for $20
Separately
Jack for $15
Elsa for $13
Anna for $10
I also have random Comic books.
http://i.imgur.com/yLdAeUX.jpg - http://i.imgur.com/6b6TUth.jpg
Name your price on them.
Refunds
Posted 9 years ago Once I get my tax refund I will be providing refunds to some if the art I owe.
If I have started in yours then I will finish it.
But if I am having to start new or haven't started then I will provide a refund.
If I have started in yours then I will finish it.
But if I am having to start new or haven't started then I will provide a refund.
I am not a Furry.
Posted 9 years agoI am a furry artist.
I will no longer take pride or hold my head up high and defend the Furry community.
90% has been completely negative and only the few 10% has shown me that there can be a brighter side.
With that said, I will no longer consider myself a furry.
I will no longer take pride or hold my head up high and defend the Furry community.
90% has been completely negative and only the few 10% has shown me that there can be a brighter side.
With that said, I will no longer consider myself a furry.
Copic Marker Give-a-way!
Posted 9 years agohttps://copicmarkertutorials.com/gi.....y/?lucky=47162
Click the link and answer a simple question and you are entered :D
Click the link and answer a simple question and you are entered :D
Being Kindhearted....means nothing
Posted 9 years agoI keep on forgetting that his friend is also a giant child.
Being a truly kindhearted person is hard. I might not be good with relationships, but gawddamn if I think of you as a friend I would do anything within my power to help you out, no matter how much of a child, ass hole, douche bag etc etc you are.
When you are trying to get in contact with your ex so you can get your stuff from them and coordinate something, but they just ignore you instead of replying with a simple acknowledgement.
Then finally replies and calls you a "Whinny bitch" and to "STFU and stop fucking whining" when you have been trying to figure out how to get your stuff from them.
Ontop of all that, been trying to be a friend to him and trying to help him because you know he is currently having issues of his own and just want to try make things easier for him.
How do I honestly still somewhat care for my ex? Heh, i guess that's something that is going to kill me in the end.
I don't really have anyone that can just comfort me... this is why I rant a lot in social media... help relieve stress and hope that people acknowledge me...
Being a truly kindhearted person is hard. I might not be good with relationships, but gawddamn if I think of you as a friend I would do anything within my power to help you out, no matter how much of a child, ass hole, douche bag etc etc you are.
When you are trying to get in contact with your ex so you can get your stuff from them and coordinate something, but they just ignore you instead of replying with a simple acknowledgement.
Then finally replies and calls you a "Whinny bitch" and to "STFU and stop fucking whining" when you have been trying to figure out how to get your stuff from them.
Ontop of all that, been trying to be a friend to him and trying to help him because you know he is currently having issues of his own and just want to try make things easier for him.
How do I honestly still somewhat care for my ex? Heh, i guess that's something that is going to kill me in the end.
I don't really have anyone that can just comfort me... this is why I rant a lot in social media... help relieve stress and hope that people acknowledge me...
I cant handle this...wish i were just dead
Posted 9 years ago[Copy pasting what i've posted on facebook]
When you try to honestly help someone and continue to try to help them, and they turn around are the ignorant ass hole they continue to be.
It's like why do I continue to try to help him?
Oh yeah, because unlike him, I care about people and not just myself.
Because unlike him I am able to think about things that are better in the long wrong with out anyone else telling me. Because I can think on my own two feet and he will always need someone else to spoon feed him ideas.
This annoys me so much, I think the reason why is because he has no good reason or real reason as to why he acts the we he does when I haven't done anything wrong by him since sept.
I have thanked him any time he has helped me out since then and has appreciated everything that he had been able to do.
He might be just 1 person, but he is a person that taught me that I can take care of 2 people, struggling yes, but I have learned that I can.
And because the way he is acting now, just makes me feel even more like shit, and just proves that I'm just an awful person taht doesn't really need to be here anymore.
I don't have anyone, and no one wants me. Well, people want me sure, but the people I want or need dont want or need me.
I just need to lose this weight and just enroll nto the air force as soon as possible because I can't handle this anymore.
Sigh, why do i continue to worry and care about people that have show no appreciation for everything that I have done for them?
Sigh...Ignorant, selfish, childish. From the moment I met them, I have been warned not to get involved. And they haven't changed a single bit which is sad.
no one seems to care about some of the posts on here that I really wish people paid attention to, because those are the posts that if no one pays any attention makes me feel worse, and just gets me that one step close to just not being here.
I am ready to break down, but I'm at work.....
I am just ready..to not be here...
I can't do this by myself and I have no one here to help me
I have no one here I just want to be gone and be with cinder
I really should start thinking more about myself and stop worrying about other people and how I can help them out and just worry about what I need to do to help myself out.
You can't help people who don't want to be helped
I shouldnt have to ask to go hang out with people.
I ask all the time and get an answer "no"
No one ever invites me to go and do anything with them.
Im so tired of asking all the time... Just proves that no one really wants to hang out with me.
This is why i hide in my room and play video games, because I am not wanted anywhere else.
lol no one even cared about the post i made...
I am no one I am nothing, no one cares about me no will ever love me. I will always be that loser that misfit and black sheep of the family that will always be tossed to the side.
Some people are such hypocrites. And when someone is one, they generalize don't realize it.
I've legit told someone I've wanted to be in relationship with them, like sex and all that jazz would be just a bonus, because I honestly want to be in a relationship with them for a while. What they want instead? Sex. Don't even care about the true feeling I have for them, I don't care about money or any of that shit, that's all a bonus, just being with them would of been good enough for me.
Guess once you start making that money, you turn into a fucking douche bag that can't see past your own ego. Your past wont change your douche bag ways.
Man... seriously the week before my period royally sucks. All hormonal and shit...
PS: I have already mentioned time and time again, I contradict myself a lot. so no need to point fingers back at me because I know this about myself.2
There are some people that don't deserve to even post on my facebook page.
They provide me a headache of how much they believe what they say is right and always have to be one ahead of everyone.
These are also the people who don't even notice that they are noticing it, because their ego are too huge and have to compensate for their petty lives.
Whether you have a good life currently or a bad life, you don't have the right to tell me, or other people how you are more right than anyone else that has posted.
ugh...
Copy pasta end
As you can tell.. i just wish i were dead.
I'll probably be homeless when may comes around and no one really cares, or they just dont have room for me.
I dont have a car, and my license is currently suspended until i pay the court cost.
When you try to honestly help someone and continue to try to help them, and they turn around are the ignorant ass hole they continue to be.
It's like why do I continue to try to help him?
Oh yeah, because unlike him, I care about people and not just myself.
Because unlike him I am able to think about things that are better in the long wrong with out anyone else telling me. Because I can think on my own two feet and he will always need someone else to spoon feed him ideas.
This annoys me so much, I think the reason why is because he has no good reason or real reason as to why he acts the we he does when I haven't done anything wrong by him since sept.
I have thanked him any time he has helped me out since then and has appreciated everything that he had been able to do.
He might be just 1 person, but he is a person that taught me that I can take care of 2 people, struggling yes, but I have learned that I can.
And because the way he is acting now, just makes me feel even more like shit, and just proves that I'm just an awful person taht doesn't really need to be here anymore.
I don't have anyone, and no one wants me. Well, people want me sure, but the people I want or need dont want or need me.
I just need to lose this weight and just enroll nto the air force as soon as possible because I can't handle this anymore.
Sigh, why do i continue to worry and care about people that have show no appreciation for everything that I have done for them?
Sigh...Ignorant, selfish, childish. From the moment I met them, I have been warned not to get involved. And they haven't changed a single bit which is sad.
no one seems to care about some of the posts on here that I really wish people paid attention to, because those are the posts that if no one pays any attention makes me feel worse, and just gets me that one step close to just not being here.
I am ready to break down, but I'm at work.....
I am just ready..to not be here...
I can't do this by myself and I have no one here to help me
I have no one here I just want to be gone and be with cinder
I really should start thinking more about myself and stop worrying about other people and how I can help them out and just worry about what I need to do to help myself out.
You can't help people who don't want to be helped
I shouldnt have to ask to go hang out with people.
I ask all the time and get an answer "no"
No one ever invites me to go and do anything with them.
Im so tired of asking all the time... Just proves that no one really wants to hang out with me.
This is why i hide in my room and play video games, because I am not wanted anywhere else.
lol no one even cared about the post i made...
I am no one I am nothing, no one cares about me no will ever love me. I will always be that loser that misfit and black sheep of the family that will always be tossed to the side.
Some people are such hypocrites. And when someone is one, they generalize don't realize it.
I've legit told someone I've wanted to be in relationship with them, like sex and all that jazz would be just a bonus, because I honestly want to be in a relationship with them for a while. What they want instead? Sex. Don't even care about the true feeling I have for them, I don't care about money or any of that shit, that's all a bonus, just being with them would of been good enough for me.
Guess once you start making that money, you turn into a fucking douche bag that can't see past your own ego. Your past wont change your douche bag ways.
Man... seriously the week before my period royally sucks. All hormonal and shit...
PS: I have already mentioned time and time again, I contradict myself a lot. so no need to point fingers back at me because I know this about myself.2
There are some people that don't deserve to even post on my facebook page.
They provide me a headache of how much they believe what they say is right and always have to be one ahead of everyone.
These are also the people who don't even notice that they are noticing it, because their ego are too huge and have to compensate for their petty lives.
Whether you have a good life currently or a bad life, you don't have the right to tell me, or other people how you are more right than anyone else that has posted.
ugh...
Copy pasta end
As you can tell.. i just wish i were dead.
I'll probably be homeless when may comes around and no one really cares, or they just dont have room for me.
I dont have a car, and my license is currently suspended until i pay the court cost.
Working on NinaAzura commissions.
Posted 9 years agoI might have add or something... I need like aderal or something to keep me focused..
but ill be working on her commissions.
I haven't been in greatest of moods and just been feeling foul.
Like no one cares even though i know people do.. but i guess that's depression for you
but ill be working on her commissions.
I haven't been in greatest of moods and just been feeling foul.
Like no one cares even though i know people do.. but i guess that's depression for you
Shit Storm
Posted 9 years agoI have finally time to work on commissions again.
Sunday - Monday I'll be working on them all day those 2 days and will stream.
Sunday - Monday I'll be working on them all day those 2 days and will stream.
Maybe I should just die
Posted 9 years agoI am just a burden to everyone, so why not? Selfish, sure, but... Why do I even try. I get small lights of hope here and there and then just 90% of complete darkness. I'll never reach that happiness. I don't deserve it.
Paycheck to paycheck with no money left over to feed myself.
No wonder I've been losing weight
Paycheck to paycheck with no money left over to feed myself.
No wonder I've been losing weight
If you care to read. (Mental Breakdowns)
Posted 9 years agoThese are taken from my facebook.
I am too broken to be fixed.
Too vain and picky to be loved.
Too contradicting to be understood.
I am too much of a burden for anyone.
I am not some hidden jewel or a diamond to shine.
Time will not fix me, I am simply just not one that anyone should carry.
I will never be loved unconditionally.
Though I've had dreams of having two children i doubt that will never happen.
I am always struggling alone... I know my ex cares somewhat about me that's why he looks at my facebook a lot. Just wish he would stop being such an ass and reply back to me.
I just want to pay this ticket off and get myself a vehicle so i can live in my car and be able to save up money. Atleast then I will have a vehicle and dont have to worry about having to take uber or asking people to drive me places. And living out of my vehicle should be fine, i'll just ask a friend if I can shower at their place. And Im good!
**
**
I bet you that my ex is loving the fact that im just doing horrible.
I bet you everyone is enjoying the fact that i'm doing horrible.
I bet you that everyone enjoys the fact that I have multiple break downs.
I bet you that every dislikes the fact that I am an attention whore.
I bet you everyone dislikes that im a contradiction.
I bet you ...
I am vain. I will use you. Don't ever trust me.
Why do I use people? Because I get used as well. I have been used for 3 1/2 years and mentally abused for 7 1/2.
I have been taken cared of and I have taken care of someone.
I need money.
I need attention.
These are the 2 things I want and need, if I don't receive both then well Im just a walking wreck.
**
**
Between the lack of no replies of concerning something of importance.
Losing games in League.
Lack of motivation.
Lack of money.
Lack of everything in this fucking shit hole.
Why am I here again? WHY AM I THE ONLY FUCKING PERSON STRUGGLING WHY THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSE TO FUCKING DO?
Why do I even keep trying? My mom, my dad, my sister my brother my exes... ALL ARE DOING BETTER THAN ME?
And my most recent ex is doing better than me THANKS TO ME, but do I get any sort of appreciation? And thanks? And gratitude for his accomplishments and achievements? NOPE, Im just seen as some fucking bitch that DID absolutely nothing and made his life a living hell.
Wtf am I suppose to do.... I get no credit, i get no appreciation, I get no gratitude, I get nothing. from anyone from no one from nothing.
I am one person in a billion, I'm not needed, Im not wanted I am the person you don't want to be with. I am just here be used and then tossed asside.....
**
**
So I'll be changing my name, and when I change my name I cannot change it back for 60 days.
I haven't decided on a name for myself yet.
I have several Male characters.
Zeth Tristar
Axel Tristar (This is what I went by sometimes in middle school)
Tray Masaki
Kurenai Blood
Luther (no last name)
Kami
Where these are ones I've used, role played with, written or drawn the most.
**
**
I think i would be considered Gender Fluid.. Maybe? idk..
Recently ive been thinking of finding a way to flatten my chest so I can start looking and dressing like a guy.
I used to do this a lot in middle school and even had thoughts of going through a sex change.
In highschool that's when I accepted being female and the perks it has sometimes.
But a lot recently i've been thinking about being a boy again.
I know a lot of my past lives were male, so I have a very high male mentality. I believe if you started to treat me more like a guy versus a girl i think i would be more comfortable.
**
**
Been ranting a lot on here so I apologize, but only way to get things off my chest.
Rant start
"Get over yourself I don't have to reply to you!"
When it concerns something important I suggest you do, and stop thinking you're high shit and stop acting like a child.
Children, be like a responsible adult, respond back to messages that might be deem important.
Rant end
**
**
Things I need -
Get ticket paid off with assistance of Richard
Reinstate my license.
Get a Vehicle
Things I would like -
New HDD/SSD (Needing a major upgrade on this)
New Process (From i5 to i7)
Extra RAM
Possibly invest in a better Video card? Or SLI my current one.
Upgrade my DSLR from 10mp to 18mp.
Buy ONE new lens for my camera.
Buy a speed flash attachment.
The computer parts can be a Need/want
Even though all the computer stuff sounds absolutely awesome, I need a car first.
**
**
Aren't guys swell?
Have one guy that I found out has been providing me false images of himself and now he cant man up to me and be like "Yeah sorry Im just to shy to show my real self" like dude seriously man the fuck up and stop being a pussy, not mad at you for providing me false pictures, i kinda feel sorry for you and pity you, just come forward and stop being a damn pussy.
And then I have another guy who is a Man Child, who has no appreciation for the help other people do for him. Gives no thanks to anyone, will glare at you then find something wrong when you try to talk to him and figure out why he did something and then try to turn it around and blame everything at you. Never admits that he is wrong or has ever done wrong, and will always put up a false act infront of people to make him seem like some sort of angel good guy. Sure he has good intentions and such, but deep down he has no consideration for the help and sacrifices some people have done for him.
ugg.. I believe guys are A LOT MORE complicated then girls are seriously!
**
**
Ugh having to deal with this frustration is well above me. Don't know how I go through this. The lack of appreciation of 3-4 years. The lack of decision making the lack of seeing everything I've done, multiple times I have made sacrifices.. I have every right to guilt trip them, every single fucking right
I am too broken to be fixed.
Too vain and picky to be loved.
Too contradicting to be understood.
I am too much of a burden for anyone.
I am not some hidden jewel or a diamond to shine.
Time will not fix me, I am simply just not one that anyone should carry.
I will never be loved unconditionally.
Though I've had dreams of having two children i doubt that will never happen.
I am always struggling alone... I know my ex cares somewhat about me that's why he looks at my facebook a lot. Just wish he would stop being such an ass and reply back to me.
I just want to pay this ticket off and get myself a vehicle so i can live in my car and be able to save up money. Atleast then I will have a vehicle and dont have to worry about having to take uber or asking people to drive me places. And living out of my vehicle should be fine, i'll just ask a friend if I can shower at their place. And Im good!
**
**
I bet you that my ex is loving the fact that im just doing horrible.
I bet you everyone is enjoying the fact that i'm doing horrible.
I bet you that everyone enjoys the fact that I have multiple break downs.
I bet you that every dislikes the fact that I am an attention whore.
I bet you everyone dislikes that im a contradiction.
I bet you ...
I am vain. I will use you. Don't ever trust me.
Why do I use people? Because I get used as well. I have been used for 3 1/2 years and mentally abused for 7 1/2.
I have been taken cared of and I have taken care of someone.
I need money.
I need attention.
These are the 2 things I want and need, if I don't receive both then well Im just a walking wreck.
**
**
Between the lack of no replies of concerning something of importance.
Losing games in League.
Lack of motivation.
Lack of money.
Lack of everything in this fucking shit hole.
Why am I here again? WHY AM I THE ONLY FUCKING PERSON STRUGGLING WHY THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSE TO FUCKING DO?
Why do I even keep trying? My mom, my dad, my sister my brother my exes... ALL ARE DOING BETTER THAN ME?
And my most recent ex is doing better than me THANKS TO ME, but do I get any sort of appreciation? And thanks? And gratitude for his accomplishments and achievements? NOPE, Im just seen as some fucking bitch that DID absolutely nothing and made his life a living hell.
Wtf am I suppose to do.... I get no credit, i get no appreciation, I get no gratitude, I get nothing. from anyone from no one from nothing.
I am one person in a billion, I'm not needed, Im not wanted I am the person you don't want to be with. I am just here be used and then tossed asside.....
**
**
So I'll be changing my name, and when I change my name I cannot change it back for 60 days.
I haven't decided on a name for myself yet.
I have several Male characters.
Zeth Tristar
Axel Tristar (This is what I went by sometimes in middle school)
Tray Masaki
Kurenai Blood
Luther (no last name)
Kami
Where these are ones I've used, role played with, written or drawn the most.
**
**
I think i would be considered Gender Fluid.. Maybe? idk..
Recently ive been thinking of finding a way to flatten my chest so I can start looking and dressing like a guy.
I used to do this a lot in middle school and even had thoughts of going through a sex change.
In highschool that's when I accepted being female and the perks it has sometimes.
But a lot recently i've been thinking about being a boy again.
I know a lot of my past lives were male, so I have a very high male mentality. I believe if you started to treat me more like a guy versus a girl i think i would be more comfortable.
**
**
Been ranting a lot on here so I apologize, but only way to get things off my chest.
Rant start
"Get over yourself I don't have to reply to you!"
When it concerns something important I suggest you do, and stop thinking you're high shit and stop acting like a child.
Children, be like a responsible adult, respond back to messages that might be deem important.
Rant end
**
**
Things I need -
Get ticket paid off with assistance of Richard
Reinstate my license.
Get a Vehicle
Things I would like -
New HDD/SSD (Needing a major upgrade on this)
New Process (From i5 to i7)
Extra RAM
Possibly invest in a better Video card? Or SLI my current one.
Upgrade my DSLR from 10mp to 18mp.
Buy ONE new lens for my camera.
Buy a speed flash attachment.
The computer parts can be a Need/want
Even though all the computer stuff sounds absolutely awesome, I need a car first.
**
**
Aren't guys swell?
Have one guy that I found out has been providing me false images of himself and now he cant man up to me and be like "Yeah sorry Im just to shy to show my real self" like dude seriously man the fuck up and stop being a pussy, not mad at you for providing me false pictures, i kinda feel sorry for you and pity you, just come forward and stop being a damn pussy.
And then I have another guy who is a Man Child, who has no appreciation for the help other people do for him. Gives no thanks to anyone, will glare at you then find something wrong when you try to talk to him and figure out why he did something and then try to turn it around and blame everything at you. Never admits that he is wrong or has ever done wrong, and will always put up a false act infront of people to make him seem like some sort of angel good guy. Sure he has good intentions and such, but deep down he has no consideration for the help and sacrifices some people have done for him.
ugg.. I believe guys are A LOT MORE complicated then girls are seriously!
**
**
Ugh having to deal with this frustration is well above me. Don't know how I go through this. The lack of appreciation of 3-4 years. The lack of decision making the lack of seeing everything I've done, multiple times I have made sacrifices.. I have every right to guilt trip them, every single fucking right
Teach me how to shade?
Posted 10 years agoplz?
I think until i get the shading down all my art will be done flat colours, other than the ones that I currently owe, if they were commissioned shaded then that's what i'll do.
I think until i get the shading down all my art will be done flat colours, other than the ones that I currently owe, if they were commissioned shaded then that's what i'll do.
Looking to move out of Florida.
Posted 10 years agoSo.. I have this really strong ass feeling that I need to move.
I don't know what this feeling it is, but it's super strong and it's telling me to move.
With that being said.
I am not being pick as to where I move, so everyone will be open to saying if they have a place or not to provide. I would right away start looking for a job in that area.
:x
I don't know what this feeling it is, but it's super strong and it's telling me to move.
With that being said.
I am not being pick as to where I move, so everyone will be open to saying if they have a place or not to provide. I would right away start looking for a job in that area.
:x
IF I OWE YOU ART PLEASE READ
Posted 10 years ago::Current List::
Eludemon 3 YCHs (Currently working on)
NinaAzuraDrakena 3 pieces of art
Boiken with -> http://www.furaffinity.net/view/14591264/
MissTengu with -> http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13309007/ (Reference http://www.furaffinity.net/view/12713998/)
jbcblank -> http://www.furaffinity.net/view/17501356/ x2
[i]BY NO MEANS AM I GOING TO NOT FINISH THE COMMISSIONS THO.
But what I will need is, if you have anything that I have started for you or saved, or in my gallery, please provide me information through a note.
OR If you would like for me to start on a new one that wouldn't be a bad idea either.
Either/or I will be up for the task for completing who I owe!
Eludemon 3 YCHs (Currently working on) NinaAzuraDrakena 3 pieces of art
Boiken with -> http://www.furaffinity.net/view/14591264/ MissTengu with -> http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13309007/ (Reference http://www.furaffinity.net/view/12713998/)
jbcblank -> http://www.furaffinity.net/view/17501356/ x2[i]BY NO MEANS AM I GOING TO NOT FINISH THE COMMISSIONS THO.
But what I will need is, if you have anything that I have started for you or saved, or in my gallery, please provide me information through a note.
OR If you would like for me to start on a new one that wouldn't be a bad idea either.
Either/or I will be up for the task for completing who I owe!
Art Slave to EluDemon
Posted 10 years agoElu has bought me :*)
