So for those of you following on Twitter probably saw that I finally left California and moved halfway across the US. My rent dropped 50%, gas dropped $2.50 a gallon and the cost of living in this state is 30% lower on average. Really liking the new place, bachelor pad with some other furs I've known for years. Being methodical unpacking myself, not unboxing anything that doesn't have a place to go so things don't get cluttered, although my room is still pretty packed with boxes.

Not sure how productive this month is going to be for me, but what would be your thoughts on this...

I have a few projects from over the years that just never quite really took off. It happens right? Motivation fades, the project soured in some way, etc. anyways do you think I should post these hiatus projects for the sake of having them seen and enjoyed even if they are probably not going to get colored in the future?

There's one in particular I'm salty over because in my foolishness I reduced my canvas size by 50% and then saved over the original file. I can still post it, but everything is so compressed I really can't work on it further and maintain any sort of quality.

TLDR; do you want to see wip's / hiatus projects posted this month?

With about a month left in this price gouging golden state I updated my dating profile/s with a nice fursuit pic. Not using the term furry or even addressing it, just having it chilling in my reel. Sort of an unspoken 'hey if you know what this... yeah I am'

And it's got me thinking. Do you think thats something that *should* be disclosed upfront? Or is it something done later in a relationship?

Unfortunate, but I feel like it may be a turnoff if done upfront on a profile or within a few dates. I'm just doing it as a YOLO thing now since who cares I'm gone in a month.

Your thoughts? Also if you have a significant other who isn't a furry please say so, and if you don't mind how/when did you tell them?

Doing move prep, selling off all my furniture and unnecessary/outgrown items. Donating alot of my garage items like paint/stain supplies, excess hardware etc.

But I swear has Covid/Bidenflation made people buying secondhand so much more nitpicky and flakey? I have items at 50% retail and I still get people wanting half off ontop of that. It's like some gross game for them? Ignore the existing discount, take my asking price, reduce by 50%, then refuse to go above 60%. Makes me wish I didn't care about being banned from the selling platforms for profanity XD Would love to give them a piece of my mind!

For example, I have a small box of Legos and another of Knex.
Both are being sold based on weight at about marketmid based on Amazon and ebay. Sounds like a reasonable ask right?
Nope~ They all want to lowball and take advantage of me like Im some ill-informed parent. "Selling Legos can be confusing, but I can take a look for free and let you know what they're actually worth". Fucking hell the arrogance! Or they want to sort through every-little-piece to 'make a fair offer' but I know they're just looking at the figures, like scratching a lotto ticket before they buy it.

Selling my old trading cards (pokemon) is no different. Everyone wants to be your friend and "give a free appraisal". Met up with a guy (I played dumb) and that slezeball offered me $60 on a midmarket $400 binder, told me that "oh I'll get about 100 for it so it's a great deal for you".


So I had this bookcase for sale, about $300 retail. Dusty, but hardly used. Marked 150
Guy wants it
We make plans for him to pick it up at 3:30
I text him a bit after 3:30
"Im delayed to 5:30" he says
So I wait
It starts to lightly drizzle but I figure the bookcase is protected by my garage awning
I text him a bit after 5:30
"Im delayed to 6:30" he says
FINALLY shows up a hair before 7
Asks to borrow an allen wrench to disassemble it in my driveway to get it into his car
....FINE
Looks it over and says it has water damage, says he'll pay 75
I remind him that it was dry at 3:15 when he was supposed to pick it up, plus it's been protected since then
Nope sticks firm to 75 or he walks
.... FINE, (just pay me and get your cheap ass off my property)
He left some screws behind so good luck getting it back together and i left him a 1 star review, but I was still salty.


Can't wait to move out of CA, quickly loosing my love for this state

My dating profile that is ;p

With my time in California entering its final months Im debating if i should add a fursuit pic to my dating profiles, as a "f**k it why not?" move.

What do you think?

Out with Dad for lunch last weekend, shooting the bull over sandwiches
See a (highschooler?) and her parents, she's dressed like 2000's scene/emo, so rather 'loud' with her style choices
Dad talks about how parents need to do a better job guiding their children to make good choices and how parents now are too loose reigned. IE "how could they let her dress like that in public?!"
He gives an example, "So I was at target and saw this furry in line in front of me"
Nearly spit my drink, "furry huh? were they dressed up or something?"
Dude was wearing a rainbow dog collar, shirt that said 'service animal do not pet' and dog ear headband
My dad scoffs, "I'd never let you boys do that (me or my brother), parents shouldn't let their kids degrade themselves like that, imagine if he shows up at an interview like that? Will never get a job or be sucessful with those bad choices."
I mentioned how I'd seen them at comicon (local convention) and they seem like they have fun doing it.
"Well at comicon is ok, they can be as weird as they want there. But outside of that there's no reason to be a freak in public like that!"
The kicker? "His parents must have done a shit job raising and guiding them if he turned out like that."

It was... disappointing to hear him say that, I had a shimmer of hope I'd maybe share someday but I guess not :/

Edit;
Not depressed or anything, just bummed I have to keep this from both my parents. I know as my parents they want to know how I'm doing and what Im doing with my life. But I can't tell them, although each for differing reasons.

On my way~ Who's going???

Haven't posted in a while or opened Photoshop :( Preparing to move next year, I want to be able to move within 30 days by the end of 2023. Selling furniture, packing nonessential belongings, lots of labeling, etc. Past few weeks doing a major organizing of my MTG collection, getting rid of years of bulk and making proper trade binders.

ANYWAYS

I like doing sequences (as my past gallery shows). Be they 3 frames or 20+. Are there any of my OCs you'd like to see? (Jennifer & Logan, Sierra and Larry, Cheyenne & Lynn, Nina or Bridgette and Rocket)

Any OCs you'd like to see?
Ideas/talking points?
Subjects covered?
Specific outfit/s?
Actions?

In conclusion teaser of a pic with Jennifer~
https://twitter.com/DracDraws/statu.....LkuDw&s=19

Starting to cut down my belongings in preparation for a move next year.
Have some prints and other furry merch that are well out of print.

What to do with them?
Not sure if its ethical to resell, BUT at the same time some are old/rare, signed or limited print run. Heck Nordguard is still sealed.
Thoughts?
https://sta.sh/21mxw987ilmj (Photos of items)

All right okay hi so it's I know I know it's it's been just been a while haven't post poster posted a lot using voice to text right now okay so there's some projects one one comic is being drafted with and then and then and then there's there's also a story but in involving Jennifer and Logan and also that comic because the pole was written real really skewed towards Jennifer and Logan you'll thirsty as f*** for them ain't you I don't blame you she's awesome like like her that okay I get it period so yeah there's a comic commission with them I'm drafting when my computer gets gets fixed the motherboard is going bad but we got this there's some one under warranty so I have to file that when I when I get home because I'm I'm on a on a work trip now and I'm drunk as f*** because my my papa boss just kept buying shots for the for the whole table and I've had a lot of shots and I'm a lightweight and I'm a cheap date because I'm such such a lightweight with with shots and it's in bed now doing the voice to text I'm drunk as f*** okay yeah so there's there's there's stuff being worked on okay okay we're good now we're we're going to call that good okay good night yeah that's good

Im not on FAs discord or up to date with any of the AUP update discourse.

As usual I'm not going anywhere and just hanging back watching the drama 🍿 😬 and that's all I'm gonna say about that!

If you haven't voted in my character comic poll it'd be greatly appreciated 😁
https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/10559616

I do have a slot reserved so I'll be starting to storyboard soon~ Might post some drafts to Twitter? (Ones using assets I can repost)
https://twitter.com/Pregfur

Short comic
SFW couple wholesome belly love stuff <3

Your vote?
Logan X Jen https://www.furaffinity.net/view/25886887/
OR
Bridgette X Rocket https://www.furaffinity.net/view/52200011/

But this is totally hypothetical ;p

One of my new years resolutions was to spend less time indoors and on my computer. Been doing a pretty good job so far as seen by lack of art uploads to my gallery haha.

Twitter is the best place to see... well anything https://twitter.com/Pregfur
Mainly my various garage projects and cat

https://twitter.com/Pregfur/status/.....95345246396417
Also a sequence WIP to be posted in May (hopefully). My femsona bridgette letting my male sona feel her pup (of which he is NOT the father) and interact a bit.

Oh yeah and my birthday is this month~

The Xanderblaze thing.

If you don't know the details don't worry about it

I had hoped to avoid getting involved but now people are attacking people he'd worked with in the past.

I had collaborated with him a few times in the past and will not be in the future, with all related works being deleted soon.

That is all

Starting to hesitantly draft the text for another character series, similar to the wolf O'Donnell one, just as much backstory as there is 'belly' content. Not a progression this time, trying out a 'self insert' style conversation with my hellhound crush Loona~

BUT I would ya'lls input!

Character aside, lets say you were in this scenario;
You arrive early to a party
Just you and pregnant character chilling waiting for guests
She starts up conversation
She eventually asks if you wanna feel
TLDR; 1 on 1 SFW conversation, will eventually feel the pup kick, etc


So... what kinda stuff you talk about? What question/s would you ask? Any replies or phrases that would rile you up OwO? Anything you'd want her to say?


Comment below! Also feel free to reply to other peoples comments too as a 'vote' of sorts.

---

I WISH I could do this in flash, a 'choose your own adventure' style interactive like i used to make -..-

As got pointed out in my DMs (rather bluntly I must say) my fem Sona Bridgette has been more and more active in my submissions.

Sorry not sorry if anyone is disappointed by her featuring in more submissions than other OCs of mine? She's a fun 'what if' that I've been having alot of fun exploring new ideas with so uh... deal with it???

Fun fact, my name IRL was gonna be Bridgette if I was a girl and it's a cute name so that's why I chose it for my fem sona~

kinda part 1? def would recommend reading first for context https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/10284326

Oh gosh I'm not even sure where to start. I'm using voice to text now (forgive typos) because it's just gonna be too hard to type. This is just kind of going to be a debriefing of sorts for myself and I hope that this will bring joy to those of you who share similar sentiments about pregnancy and parenthood~ BUT how to say... I don't want this to be treated like some sort of adult magazine bragging letter, it's not intended to be some fap novel and although I can't control how people interpret it, I kindly request that you keep any sort of sexual comments to yourself. I am sharing an personally intimate moment and I would appreciate that respect.

SO! for context me and some friends had scheduled kinda one last game night together. The joke being we hoped the baby would stay put and cooperate. We had such a blast together as we haven't all hung out together in quite some time, think like almost pre COVID since the entire gang had been together all in one place.

Throughout the night she had kind of called people over individually to feel some kicks and flutters, it was really interesting to see how different people reacted. Ranging from surprise, excitement, mild fear? It was just really cool to observe! I got my chance to although the baby was definitely not that cooperative and kind of playing possum, my friend said she was definitely shifting around but no solid movements that someone would be able to feel externally very well.

Her and I were chatting briefly as a game was being set-up and one of our friends looked up for their phone and commented something along the lines of "dude how like how do you know all this stuff? This is like hearing a doctor and patient discuss" that really caught me off guard but definitely made me realize how odd it must be for a single guy to be able to participate in a conversation involving preeclampsia and Braxton Hicks haha. I panicked slightly and said that a good friend was studying to be a midwife and I had helped them do like flash card stuff for one of their exams and some of the information just kind of rubbed off.

So party was a blast, much fun was had. As fate would have it my car was entirely blocked in so I was the last one to leave. So we were standing outside chatting in the driveway at like 1 in the morning, I don't recall exactly how we got onto the subject but I thanked her again for what she did for me last time I visited, and got to explain to her my stance. How I appreciated her letting me feel like she did last time when I was over and how it helped to breakdown barriers I had developed over the years about this fascination of mine. How to me, I know I want to be a parent and to me pregnancy also represents like a physical bond between two people, I motioned to her belly something along the lines of "I mean like here you are loving a man so much that you're willing to carry a piece of him inside you and bear a child with him. And he's so deeply in love with you that he chooses you to be the bearer of his child".

it was dark but the way she reacted I think she might have blushed? She gave me a hug and said it was a really sweet way to describe it and she said that as a woman it was something amazing for a guy to say to her. she said that she had no doubt that when I meet a special girl someday I'm gonna melt her heart when I tell her that. She said that she knew I had an deep appreciation for it, something like "I know you have some sort of pregnant furry appreciation page on deviantart and I remember there was alot of wholesome stuff". haha Im glad it was dark because I definitly blushed at that >..>

She apologised that the baby wasn't very active, she probably tired herself out in the car that day because she was really kicky during errands but kind of napping and lazily stretching during the party, which she said was surprising because all the new voices she had thought would get a reaction. I mentioned how last time we had spoke I had asked about using a stethoscope, and that I had brought one with me if she wasn't feeling too exhausted. Her eyes kind of lit up and she was like "oh that's right, yeah let's give that a try I'm curious about that too!"

I couldn't have asked for a better backdrop, it was just so quiet, private, laid back and chill AF. Two good friends sharing a moment together.

Something that caught me off guard, and certainly not the first time this would happen tonight, was that she excused herself and came back in her PJ's, baggy flannel pajama pants and a very 'form fitting' elastic tank top. Like the way she walked back over and happily said "you'll be able to feel her a lot better now!" caught me off guard because I wasn't expecting this level of openness? I knew nothing remotely sexual was going to happen between us, it's just I wasn't expecting her to be so unpromptedly accommodating I guess the word is?

So we both sat down on the edge of the couch, she had her legs together and was sitting as upright as she could and in her own words, "she hates it when I drive and gets super kicky because she gets squished when I have to sit in a car seat and work the pedals, so if I try to recreate that position I think she'll liven up for you!" I'll admit I was taken aback from her kind of taking the reins like this, I was expecting like a couple minutes of trying to encourage a kick but she seem to be genuinely enjoying the experience and going the distance. I told her that I wanted her to take the lead, that I appreciated her accommodating me and I want to respect any boundaries she has. Again I specify that for someone who is fairly conservative I was just surprised at this energy from her, this genuineness of wanting to share I was not expecting! unexpected but certainly not unwelcome.

"Yeah man just go ahead and feel around! You can feel her feet over here *motions* and then her butt is sticking up over here *motions* , just avoid the belly button please that is really sensitive, I'm definitely feeling the strain and it's almost uncomfortably sensitive so yeah just avoid there". This certainly won't be the first time in this journal I'm lost for words, but I just got to sit there and for lack of a better word just kind of manipulate and explore the various areas of firmness! Where the baby's butt was pressed, the curve of her back, the little jabby nubs of her feet. At one point I kind of got to gently 'grab' one of her feet through her belly and felt it quickly dart back inside before kicking back at my fingers! She kind of made this "hooooH" noise and grab my hands and place them on either side of her belly and I got to feel the baby just lazily shift from one side of her belly to the other and it was just so amazing that there was this little person just beneath my hands!

This went on for a little while as we were chatting, she said that she enjoyed talking to someone who was educated, but you didn't 'outrank' her like her mother or a doctor. Like how the pregnancy has gone for her, what she's been feeling, likes and dislikes, really just making her the center of attention and letting her tell her story and share whatever she wanted. I was flattered that she was sharing with me like this. I ended up showing her some of my colorings (Logan and Jennifer) and some of the upcomming projects i have drafted. She thought it was really sweet, but then suddenly...

"OH" *hands darts to belly* " dude hand me that stethoscope, she's pressing against me real strong right here!" I'll admit it was pretty adorable watching her intently use it on herself, one hand kind of feeling around her belly while the other moved it around trying to find the heart. Like I didn't expect her to be so genuinely interested in using it on herself. She said she was having a little trouble finding it because the shirt was creating a lot of static so she offered it to me, and I'll admit I wasn't able to hear anything because of the shirt as well.

The tone shifted kind of abruptly and she apologized "sorry man I know the shirts in the way but I'm just really self-conscious about people other than (husband) and the doctor seeing my bare belly. Like I haven't even let my mom see it" she said that while she had no problem with a two piece swimsuit it's just that once she got pregnant she felt like really protected her belly and it felt like an intimate thing for people to see once she started showing. I chuckled and told her I see where she's coming from. I jokingly offered to take off my own shirt if that would help her feel more comfortable and she legit had a legit giggle and snort over that.

So I had started to put it away and she was like "hold on" which again caught me off guard, she prodded around her belly a little bit and told me to try again but lifted her shirt up ever so slightly over the area but kind of pinched the bottom of her shirt so it was just like this little triangle of bare skin being revealed. So I was listening around this area of like 2 inches and then I just hear her kind of take a deep breath and Oh my gosh, she just reclined back on the couch and pulled her shirt up.

I think out of the entire night this is what caught me most off guard, but here she was just moments ago talking about how intimate and protective her bare belly was to her but then here she was kind of hyping herself up for a moment and then just... tackling that self consciousness and taking a dive off the deep end. Something she only does for her husband and the doctor but here she was putting our friendship on the same level as that!

She relaxed quite a bit I'm sure it was quite the sight to see, her reclining and try not to laugh as she was poking around for where I was to listen. I try to listen and then the baby would wiggle away a bit and we kind of just had to 'chase' her around! "I want you to be able to hear her, but man is she just not cooperating tonight haha" gently pressing around her bellygently pressing around her belly "come on (name) I can feel you in there you little stinker, just press up against me like you did earlier for a few minutes so Logan can hear you!" I just melted because I was not expecting for her to be this open. "Sounds like she was having fun indulging you some" as one friend put it.

Unfortunately we were not able to hear her as she was just squirmy, but it definitely riled her up a bit because I got to feel some pretty pronounced movements afterwards! I had a legit "MEEP" come out of me when she landed a solid kick on my hands and felt her foot slide against my palm.

that's basically the gist of the night! We had an amazing bonding moments as friends. Afterwards I sincerely thanked her again for putting up with my antics. I told her that the experience was just so heart melting for me and I'm honored that she would share this intimate moment of her life with me. She said that she greatly enjoyed it to, it was nice to share with someone who truly appreciated the magic and was so amazed by the process. "Again like (husband) is amazed by it too don't get me wrong, but I can just go a lot more detail with you and actually have a real educated conversation about how I'm feeling, but real chill-like on a friend level and not with a doctor or my mother". "Its nice to talk someone who genuinely wants to know how I'm doing and soak it all up and be educated"

it brought alot of paternal emotions up from me and i feel changed <3

I messaged her this morning with a quick thank you of sorts and wished her the best with delivery. She said she was glad we got to experience that again for a second time, how the first time she helped me break down my barriers but the second time around i helped her break down hers! The like... mutual benefit... we both had from the experience was just the cherry atop the awesome cake. Im so so glad she walked away with as much as I did.

After this would probably just be rambling haha, I hope whoever reads this far enjoyed the read :3

*def incorperating some of these experiences and conversations into my future works, pun intended the 'hands on' experience really aided my knowledge~

Oh gosh I still have butterflies~

(Kinda) short summery...
I was over my friend's place yesterday to drop something off and we ended up grabbing lunch and watching the new Doctor strange. 36 weeks now and I got to feel her baby kick!

My heart just melted, it was just such an amazing experience even though I know it was quite minor for her. She wasn't super active so it was just a few kind of lazy stretches, but I could actually feel this like... I mean no way to describe it then the oval shape of a small foot!

We ended up chatting for over and hour, since everyone was out of the house. I'm not sure exactly how we drifted into it, but like... It was a real breakthrough kind of talking session? Like you would have at a therapist.

I explained to her how pregnancy is something that's always fascinated me (apparently she already knew about my dA account >..> ) and we got talking about a wide variety of stuff, like gender roles and how pregnancy is kind of taboo for guys to talk about in the US

I mean I can't summarize an hour and a half conversation in just a few lines, but it really touched me because I feel like she helped me break down a lot of walls and insecurities I had. To be told by a good friend like her "no man it's all good, you weren't weird about it at all! I enjoyed sharing with you and its nice that someone wants to know."

I explained to her how some of the communities I was a part of a while ago made me very shy and insecure about my fascination because so many other guys are weird about it and I didn't want that label

Idk, just for a good friend to share those interactions with me and then tell me "no man it's all good, you weren't weird about it at all and it's cool to share with someone who's fascinated by this!" It really touched me ❤️ It was really an amazing experience, I can't help but wish she was a little more active but there's not exactly a lot of free space for those acrobatics anymore X3

Sounds like she enjoyed it as well, rough quote "It was nice being able to share what I want with someone and not have to hold back because they are fascinated by it, also being able to take the lead since when I talk to my mom or sister-in-law they try to push stuff onto me."

Im just sooo happy this experience was so mutually enjoyable 🥰 and I wanted to share with you all~

I'm here hanging out with leokitsune :3

What are some convention related activities you'd want to see Bridgette doing?

I was thinking her hurrying to the Continental breakfast as the pup kicks her, "easy pup I know you hate it when my stomach growls! I'm waddling for breakfast as fast as you'll let me!"

Just looking for some ideas to potentially commission while I'm here

Anybody else here?

I was at a good friend's baby shower this weekend and after the party was over we were out on the patio catching up. she offered and asked if I wanted to feel the baby. OH MY GOSH. I only got to feel a little thump as they weren't super active but holy s*** my heart skipped a beat and then melted. I know she's not aware of how personal that was to me but I am so grateful for the experience, if even for a moment <3

Now why does this imitate art? Well because I was already working on a comic where a character is visiting with Logan and Jennifer (pre pregnancy) and well... No spoilers but he does get to feel her pup X3

So overall a really pleasant turn of events! So now here's my question for all of you...

Let's say you're in that situation. Pregnant friend offers to let you feel her belly and ask any questions you want (sfw), no judgement.... what do you ask her? I'm asking because I'm legit curious what you all would say and then I'm also fishing for questions I may include in the comic as well~

Remember to keep it PG and that she is a good friend! So no creepy sh*t.

I made it! Another trip around the sun. Not terribly eventful day.

I have some progression art to post, but my main focus has been the workshop/laser. Here's some pics for those interested
https://twitter.com/Pregfur/status/.....86340750315522
https://twitter.com/Pregfur/status/.....92913975431169
https://twitter.com/Pregfur/status/.....35312747057152
https://twitter.com/Pregfur/status/.....06310688231424

Helping empty my grandpas place (never knew him) LOTS of old airplanes magazines from the 60's-2000's. (looking to sell those btw)
Going to go pick up all the old girly magazines and figurines today
https://twitter.com/Pregfur/status/.....90799105961984
https://twitter.com/Pregfur/status/.....91346907201536

Got forklift certified, looking for a new job, going to AC in July with leokitsune... yeah thats kinda it!

Not even sure whats worth sharing or not.

Honestly the last few months Ive been having a bit of an identify crisis and loosing touch with the fandom. Im at a 'fatherhood' time in my life where someone my age would likely be married and thinking about a family, but here I am single and debating what dating site/s would be worth my time or if they're all just money grabs. Loosing connections with the few irl friends I have, either they get so caught up in their own lives that we've drifted apart or they've made life choices I can't support.

Normally this would mean finding more like minded friends online but even that I've found challenging. Like irl I find myself questioning my place in the fandom. My viewpoints and tastes put me as very much a minority. Hate to say I look upon most of the pregfur fandom with disgust. On some no argument that the quality and shading is amazing, no doubt of skill involved. But the exaggerated and objectified state I find little to no appeal in other than occasionally "cute expression, but what if 1/4 of the size?". And (put bluntly) much of the pregfur fandom strikes me as horny perverts with no taste or respect for the 'source material'. This is something I want https://www.furaffinity.net/view/31137603/ Something I want in my life. A mate to love and share the gift of life with. But in my years in the fandom its so rare to find someone who shares this viewpoint and its become disheartening as I approach this 'family' stage of my life but have nothing to show for it.

A few pregfur IM social groups, discord, I joined in the hopes of finding like minded individuals but was met with a deluge of sludge. Art with no class or respect, pure unashamed objectification. No deep thought or connection. Just hyper exaggerated trash, pure sexualized unrealistic projections. Everything I hate about the pregfur fandom. Id imagine its what a jehovah witness feels when a home door is opened and theres an bakers dozen orgy happening.

Ive tried to color over the months but when I do I question why. I feel the pregfur fandom has gotten bigger and more mainstream, but diluted and more crass over the years. Alot of artists have ceased offering it, rebranded, burned out, creeped out and such by the horny horde (no names but I have no doubt we all know of at least one). My work gets less interactions than prior years and individuals that do reach out are the riff-raff I can't stand.

One of my friends is an old crush from highschool I regret not pursuing. Her and her family are amazing, Ive house-sat for them and done bartending for her mothers party business. I find myself questioning (and trying not to) if she was the one who 'got away'. If I should have pursued her in highschool and taken the leap of asking her out, who knows what could have happened? Recently I found out that her and her husband are expecting. I'm really happy to her but wow was it a gut punch to see someone just a year older than me having their first child and here I am debating which dating site to join. A bit jealous too because it's something I really want, not her, but the 'married with kind on the way' life.

I dont know, I feel like Im rambling at this point.

This isn't a rally cry for 'those like me' or a cry for help. Just vocalizing whats been going on and hoping that in doing so I can work through it. *shrugs*

So I know this is going to sound a little cliche but hear me out.

It's not mine. A coworkers friend passed away and coworker was put in charge of his possessions as his family didn't want anything to do with them. This friend had some issues and was basically disowned by his family.

Well one of the things that's now sitting in my coworkers garage is camping totes full of porn. Like thousands of DVDs and VHS tapes. A pickup truck bed of porn.

My coworker is trying to figure out if he can sell these and how he can sell these but he has no idea how about to do it because most retail websites don't allow that sort of thing.

Any advice?

Joking around yesterday at work with the guys, went roughly like (me in italics)

*talking about a dressing as a pirate
*laughter*
Ya know Logan I can't picture you as a pirate, not a big enough beard, but you know, I can picture you in another getup
Oh? Whats that?
You know what a furry is?
O_o Uh yeah, Ive run across a few
Ok yeah, you know those fur costumes they wear? I can picture you in one of those!
Really? Whys that?
I dunno but like... I can picture one of them taking their head off and seeing your face. You seem like the kinda guy who would be into that.
*shrugs* I mean Ive met some, but never really dived into that group
Ah well just an observation


HE KNOWS *eyes narrow*

Been putting off writing this for some time and while having talked about it with several people Im still not sure I can even properly word how I feel (touchy feelys have always been a weak point of mine)

Let me open by saying that while I am in some depth of depression to some extent, this isn't a call for help, a gallery cleansing or anything drastic. Just a vent to try to get over this funk Im in.

Been having a decline of interest in the pregfur fandom. I feel like I hold minority opinions regarding the subject and have found it hard to connect with many people who share the interest (or claim to). Its a subject I hold quite personal, I am a furry who wants to be a father someday, I desire to see the mate I love carrying my child/ren. Ideally she'd be a furry too as thats something a part of me I don't know if Id want to leave. Is my interest nonsexual? No of course not, there are aspects I find to be a turn on. I have no doubt there are some aspects I have romanticized and Im ok with that, I recognize that there will be a reality check eventually and Im prepared to ease myself into that reality. Like playing out 'what ifs' while awaiting the actual thing, but keeping the 'what ifs' still in reality.

I feel more self conscious than I was say 5 years ago. I browse recent art on dA and FA and majority I think "wow... this is awful". I see them and think "wow... is this what people think of when they think of pregfur?" Pages and pages of low effort, uber sexualized, grotesque hyper, casual birth, etc. Im not about that and I dont want to be associated with it, but it comes with the label and I dont like that. If someone at a furcon were to ask 'so what are you into?', I tell them 'pregfur' and thats what they see... how does that portray me? I feel like my stance is against the norm but Id have to write a textwall to explain my stance to them... and ain't no one got time for that XD I mean heck, lets say I meet a single women at a furcon (fingers crossed) and we hit things off! Cool! So we're at a bar getting to know eachother and she asks about my work, gallery, profile, etc and at a glace sees Im into pregnancy. Well now what does this portray? I doubt the first thought on her mind is "ah this man wants to a loving husband and father". Id imagine it portrays some sort of unresposible breeding kink or something objectifying about her/baby. I could take a chance and explain it as "Well Im a furry who wants to find a mate and be a father, so pregfur is kinda the natural conclusion of those interests combining". But there's so much objectifying in the pregfur fandom that I fear the label of the kink Im a part of. Not quite the red flag of say noncon or 'struggle snuggles', but if someone were to name a kink that was primarily associated with objectifying, most would put the conclusion together thats what the person is into as well.

Uck, that feels wordy but Im on a roll so lets keep going? TLDR is "I dont like the conclusions ppl make about me due to my kink, but its hard to easily and casually explain my stance."

Covid has been hard on everyone. Fortunately my income was not affected, if anything we actually got busier as all of our military and medical customers got flush with grant money. But the isolation has me thinking about years past and regrets I have. Let me ask you this, "How do you know what you don't know?. The answer is that you can't until you're told. I feel I wasted the majority of my early/mid 20's due to lack of knowledge and guidance and it angers me that I couldn't have done anything different.

Before I go further I should note, Im the oldest of 2. Parents split in my early teens and looking back now I see how that affected me. In my teens and after the split, I was the 'hands off' child. Throughout highschool I was told that college can wait, I didn't need to figure out what I wanted to do with my life, I could chill and explore. I was given alot of freedom to explore and pursue my fancy's, this was a double edged sword because I was told "you can" not "how can you". What do I mean by that? Lets take art/flash animations. I took a liking to them and was told "yes you can pursue those, good luck!" but no guidance on "how can you pursue those and turn them into a career?" If I asked "well what about college?" I was told "yes college is good for that... (end of conversation)" I was so aimless and wandering in my early 20's not knowing what I was doing. No direction in school, wasting money on programs and classes that wouldn't accumulate to anything. Trying to pursue 3 different degrees at one point because I thought that degrees alone get you a career. I ended up taking twice the time to get an art degree in an industry I realized I wouldn't thrive in. But how could I have known any better? I couldn't! No one close in my life provided any guidance or 'big picture' feedback. Now my brother on the otherhand? shiiiiit. His sophmore year (year 2/4 in american highschool) he was already being talked to about how to turn his interests into a career. Year 3/4? Being flown across the states to tour potential colleges, one year his birthday gift was to fly to his top 3 and stay for 2-3 days to explore the school and city. Year 4/4 being flown out AGAIN to talk to admission officers. Meanwhile me? Wasting away working minimum wage taking a figure sketching class at night.

I could ramble on but TLDR is "My parents learned their mistakes on my and my brother flourished while I faltered and withered." Now we're both in our late 20's and Im just now realizing what I want to do with my life while he's halfway through his doctorate. I was told in no uncertain terms by both parents "we can't help you financially in the way we helped your younger brother... so good luck" so f**k me on getting a degree in a timely manner. The one thing I do have over him is that Im blue collar while he's white collar. He can name all 100+ muscles and bones in your arm while I can woodwork, machine a doohickey and sod a lawn.



I feel like there's more to say but Im just feeling drained now. Doing alot of self reflection and not liking what I see, but feeling like I lack the skills/means to improve.
This youtube clip pretty accurately describing how I have been feeling https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p8IpleLaJg4

Been working at an offsite build for 10-12 hours a day @..@ get to work at 5am, clock off at 4-5pm, go home, shower, bit o' minecraft then bed. :( Supposed to be done next week, its a 6 man job we're doing with 3 people. Boss used alot more cuss words than I was expecting but it translates to "people would rather sit home on their butts and collect handouts than work", we have had only 1 qualified applicant in the past month who flaked out his first day.