Been putting off writing this for some time and while having talked about it with several people Im still not sure I can even properly word how I feel (touchy feelys have always been a weak point of mine)

Let me open by saying that while I am in some depth of depression to some extent, this isn't a call for help, a gallery cleansing or anything drastic. Just a vent to try to get over this funk Im in.

Been having a decline of interest in the pregfur fandom. I feel like I hold minority opinions regarding the subject and have found it hard to connect with many people who share the interest (or claim to). Its a subject I hold quite personal, I am a furry who wants to be a father someday, I desire to see the mate I love carrying my child/ren. Ideally she'd be a furry too as thats something a part of me I don't know if Id want to leave. Is my interest nonsexual? No of course not, there are aspects I find to be a turn on. I have no doubt there are some aspects I have romanticized and Im ok with that, I recognize that there will be a reality check eventually and Im prepared to ease myself into that reality. Like playing out 'what ifs' while awaiting the actual thing, but keeping the 'what ifs' still in reality.

I feel more self conscious than I was say 5 years ago. I browse recent art on dA and FA and majority I think "wow... this is awful". I see them and think "wow... is this what people think of when they think of pregfur?" Pages and pages of low effort, uber sexualized, grotesque hyper, casual birth, etc. Im not about that and I dont want to be associated with it, but it comes with the label and I dont like that. If someone at a furcon were to ask 'so what are you into?', I tell them 'pregfur' and thats what they see... how does that portray me? I feel like my stance is against the norm but Id have to write a textwall to explain my stance to them... and ain't no one got time for that XD I mean heck, lets say I meet a single women at a furcon (fingers crossed) and we hit things off! Cool! So we're at a bar getting to know eachother and she asks about my work, gallery, profile, etc and at a glace sees Im into pregnancy. Well now what does this portray? I doubt the first thought on her mind is "ah this man wants to a loving husband and father". Id imagine it portrays some sort of unresposible breeding kink or something objectifying about her/baby. I could take a chance and explain it as "Well Im a furry who wants to find a mate and be a father, so pregfur is kinda the natural conclusion of those interests combining". But there's so much objectifying in the pregfur fandom that I fear the label of the kink Im a part of. Not quite the red flag of say noncon or 'struggle snuggles', but if someone were to name a kink that was primarily associated with objectifying, most would put the conclusion together thats what the person is into as well.

Uck, that feels wordy but Im on a roll so lets keep going? TLDR is "I dont like the conclusions ppl make about me due to my kink, but its hard to easily and casually explain my stance."

Covid has been hard on everyone. Fortunately my income was not affected, if anything we actually got busier as all of our military and medical customers got flush with grant money. But the isolation has me thinking about years past and regrets I have. Let me ask you this, "How do you know what you don't know?. The answer is that you can't until you're told. I feel I wasted the majority of my early/mid 20's due to lack of knowledge and guidance and it angers me that I couldn't have done anything different.

Before I go further I should note, Im the oldest of 2. Parents split in my early teens and looking back now I see how that affected me. In my teens and after the split, I was the 'hands off' child. Throughout highschool I was told that college can wait, I didn't need to figure out what I wanted to do with my life, I could chill and explore. I was given alot of freedom to explore and pursue my fancy's, this was a double edged sword because I was told "you can" not "how can you". What do I mean by that? Lets take art/flash animations. I took a liking to them and was told "yes you can pursue those, good luck!" but no guidance on "how can you pursue those and turn them into a career?" If I asked "well what about college?" I was told "yes college is good for that... (end of conversation)" I was so aimless and wandering in my early 20's not knowing what I was doing. No direction in school, wasting money on programs and classes that wouldn't accumulate to anything. Trying to pursue 3 different degrees at one point because I thought that degrees alone get you a career. I ended up taking twice the time to get an art degree in an industry I realized I wouldn't thrive in. But how could I have known any better? I couldn't! No one close in my life provided any guidance or 'big picture' feedback. Now my brother on the otherhand? shiiiiit. His sophmore year (year 2/4 in american highschool) he was already being talked to about how to turn his interests into a career. Year 3/4? Being flown across the states to tour potential colleges, one year his birthday gift was to fly to his top 3 and stay for 2-3 days to explore the school and city. Year 4/4 being flown out AGAIN to talk to admission officers. Meanwhile me? Wasting away working minimum wage taking a figure sketching class at night.

I could ramble on but TLDR is "My parents learned their mistakes on my and my brother flourished while I faltered and withered." Now we're both in our late 20's and Im just now realizing what I want to do with my life while he's halfway through his doctorate. I was told in no uncertain terms by both parents "we can't help you financially in the way we helped your younger brother... so good luck" so f**k me on getting a degree in a timely manner. The one thing I do have over him is that Im blue collar while he's white collar. He can name all 100+ muscles and bones in your arm while I can woodwork, machine a doohickey and sod a lawn.



I feel like there's more to say but Im just feeling drained now. Doing alot of self reflection and not liking what I see, but feeling like I lack the skills/means to improve.
This youtube clip pretty accurately describing how I have been feeling https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p8IpleLaJg4

Been working at an offsite build for 10-12 hours a day @..@ get to work at 5am, clock off at 4-5pm, go home, shower, bit o' minecraft then bed. :( Supposed to be done next week, its a 6 man job we're doing with 3 people. Boss used alot more cuss words than I was expecting but it translates to "people would rather sit home on their butts and collect handouts than work", we have had only 1 qualified applicant in the past month who flaked out his first day.

Doing an "OCs interacting as they grow pregression"
Who are your top 3 favs? (less are fine too)

Jennifer
https://www.furaffinity.net/gallery.....Jennifer-Logan

Bridgette
https://www.furaffinity.net/gallery.....tte-and-Rocket

Sierra
https://www.furaffinity.net/gallery.....erra-and-Larry

Cheyenne
https://www.furaffinity.net/gallery...../Cheyenne-Lynn

Nina
https://www.furaffinity.net/gallery.....er/417170/Nina



Slowed down art wise a fair bit. Have some commission in the works (or unposted) and havnt colored in a while. Built a new computer, got all the necessary programs installed. Visited another state where I have a bunch of family and toured a school there, like 95% comitted to moving by the end of the year and pursuing another AA, but in something relevant this time (manufacturing technology)

I've been busy doing adult stuff -..-

Been trying to rearrange my living room by adding and selling some furniture. I'm also working on building some of my own furniture. By the time I get home and settled from work I only have about 3 hours or so before I have to go back to bed during the week that doesn't leave much free time and choices have to be made :c

We had our employee reviews at work last week and me and my mentor got the two highest scores, fingers crossed it leads to a nice pay increase!

Not new news but Flash is now no longer supported by Adobe and being actively blocked from running. I had some real good times with the program, I remember using it when it was still owned by Macromedia. I haven't used it in at least 2 years, I did greatly enjoy making interactive animations, but life changes. My most productive 'era' was when I was working my minimum wage, low brain power job. I could daydream about what I wanted to do, write coding notes, etc then go home and do the thing. But as I rose in employment it got harder and harder to be in the coding mindset as my job and skills evolved and my brain power got used up at work. I know I had at least 2 projects started that just never really got momentum, maybe I'll post some screenshots.

Hello all,

Im drafting a small progression series with an unspecified character. What kind of scenes do you like seeing in them? Here are some of my brainstorms, but I'm open to hearing others for consideration :) Nothing NSFW plz.


Measuring with tape
Showing off ultrasound pic
Doppler
Stethoscope
Giggling at flutters
Grumbling and poking small tum
Belly painting
Poking outtie
Tickling pups foot & Them kicking back
Feeling belly and commenting on size/weight
Early contraction
Uncomfortable as they move
Ghost hand rubbing/feeling
Ghost hands lotioning
Guiding ghost hand to feel and explaining how theyre positioned

A longtime member of the pregfur community  raydobbs has found himself in the crosshairs of a lawyer hellbent on collecting a debt (assumedly so they can take their 50% or whatever absurdity)

Info can be found here: https://www.facebook.com/ray.dobbs......57547097637434

 beuwens-folder has been kind enough to start a charity drive featuring Tess's motherly polar bear Tessiha. A caring Mother Bear who finds herself with a belly full of cubs once again, and this time she invites you to watch them grow, from start to finish. A stretch goal is in effect of her birth <3 https://www.furaffinity.net/view/38874950/

Feel free to link to this journal if desired when spreading the word!

Looking to replace my convention sketchbook as its a damaged remnant from my school days, any Amazon recommendations?

Something hardcover, bound and for dry media.

Thanks ^.^

Here are the results between dA and FA, thanks for voting!

Miyu: 15

Nina: 11

Jennifer and Logan: 10

Bridgette and Rocket: 9

Sierra and Larry: 5

Cheyenne and Lynn: 5

Hi all,

So I told myself I'd tackle this sometime in May as a kinda Mayturnity thing. Ive seen your inquiries about the progression series I started a few months back https://www.furaffinity.net/view/32052316/

Short answer is that during a test export I saved over the original file in a "omg its so late gotta sleep" haze, compressed from 4000 x 4000 down to 1280. And not all the stages were finished.

Can it be saved?
Yes

What will it require?
Alot of cutting, pasting and editing from prior WIPs. Something i've been slowly tackling as its quite tedious

Will it resume?
Yes

What about the text? Those are really cool!
All 40 weeks are written and awaiting accompanying art X3

Is that something you'd all like to see?

Maybe a little soapboxy, but I'll try to be quick.

When you message someone as a stranger online, talk with purpose. This first message you send to them will set the stage, this will be their first impression of you.

If it's "hi" "rp?" or some other one word grunt, stop... think about it... are you presenting yourself as worth their time?

"Hi there OWO" "Whats up buddy" are equally pointless, cut the small talk and get to the point, I don't know how valuable your time is to you, but I value mine.

All the samples above? Nope, I dont answer them. You've shown me how little you care for our interaction so I'm not going to reciprocate it.

Instead of:
Subject: no subject
- rp?

Do this:
Subject: Roleplay?
- Hello! I'm curious if you roleplay, I didn't see any indications on your profile. I see you like X, Y and Z, I love X and Y, but am not familiar with Z. Would this interest you?

Treat it like a job interview. Be polite, professional and to the point. Do your research too! Take a minute to browse someones page (especially profile info) to see if they indicate a status on things such as commission, requests, roleplaying, etc.

TLDR;
When you message a stranger online do your research prior and get to the point in a prompt, but professional manner. You have only 1 first impression, make it count and be genuine~

Yeah I know, an odd thing for someone named pregfur to ask XD

Is there a demand for customized hypno goggles? The challenge of making them intrigues me, but I'm not sure if it's worth pursuing if there's no market.

Hi all, been an active 2020 for me so far!

I purchased a laser cutter last week http://www.furaffinity.net/view/34873924/ and unfortunately haven't gotten around to setting it up yet. Lots of garage prep to do and unfortunately it all has to be done in order, 1 task at a time.

Such as...
Build new bigger workbench to have someplace to store the tools from my old workbench, once old workbench is gone I can build cabinets to store garage clutter to make space for the new bigger workbench, once the floor is clear get desk for computer setup to run cutting software and run ethernet into garage. On the plus side though my work is cool with me taking acrylic and polycarb scraps (provided I make some keychains and promo swag for them). Not enough for me to rely on, but good enough for practicing.

That being said, while it is a ways off, would anyone have a desire for cutting and engraving services?
A few off the tops ideas...
- Wood or acrylic con badges
- Wood or acrylic standees
- Cutting board & coaster engraving
- Dioramas

I'm a bit sick now from an office bug, but here's big changes for me in 2020...

- Move out of my home state to one with more family
- Go back to school in said state for a manufacturing technology degree
- Purchase a laser cutter for fun and profit
- Meet someone/date

Do you enjoy deck building?

Currently building a Selesnya token deck and any input would be appreciated.
https://tappedout.net/mtg-decks/sel.....a-tokens-wip-1

Currently just too large, looking to cut down to 60 cards (including lands) before I proxy it out and play test irl.

Boy its been a week!

Been browsing for new jobs for the past 2 weeks or so, found a pretty acceptable one that's more in line with my strengths. Actually for a vendor my past employer used who makes custom extrusion frames (80/20 if anyone's familiar with the material). The interview was mainly a meet and greet to make sure I didn't send off any vibes, they were quite interested in that I've assembled their products before and have worked with 80/20 material.

Job site is about 2/3 closer to my house which is nice, though the starting pay is a little under what I'm making at the factory job now.

Speaking of the factory job... they were sad to see me go. I handed in my 1 week notice on Wednesday and on Thursday was told that I was free to leave (and paid up to date). The HR person I spoke to wanted to address a slanderous rumor that I had brought to her attention prior and was curious if I had experienced any other incidents I wanted to make her aware of.

Honestly I wasn't going to say anything and just be done with the place, but I spent about 1/2 an hour doing a professional 'tell-all' minus any names or identifying info. I strained that I wasn't leaving mad nor with any grudges and that I'd rather not name names and just summarize my experiences. Her eyes got very big at times and she took alot of notes to talk over with the company owner. Apparently there have been racial issues in the shop before but since 90% of the workforce is of one culture (and known for being tight lipped), getting anyone to talk is near impossible. Overall we both had a very productive talk, I left feeling quite emotionally drained and satisfied, she left with a good insight to how things 'really' work in the shop and some concerning issues to talk about with the owner. I'm happy to say some issues I brought up were new to her, others were suspected and now confirmed. I really feel that the information I gave her will aid any new workers that don't fit the 90%.

She also gave permission to use her as a reference rather than the shop manager which is a great sign.

Soooo yeah~

aaaaaand my new job approved my time off for the 'wedding' aka MFF! Bit of a yolo moment, but using part of my hiring bonus from the factory to have a fun time :3 Who's gonna be there?

So... I'm still there. Got moved to 2nd shift and it's alot more chill that 1st. Only 1 supervisor and he's very laid back, as long as the machines are running he leaves you alone. There's still a bit of... racial friction... but leagues better than 1st shift. The machinist I'm working under was a little rocky at first, but we've come to an understanding and are getting into tempo with eachother. It's a loud shop and english isn't his primary language, so when he talks to me he'll motion me over, I'll lean in, get instructions and then repeat back. Really has cleared up on misunderstandings.

Its taken me a fair bit of time to get used to this factory work culture, 'human machines' as in you do your job, just your job, and if you encounter a non programed error you contact your supervisor. It feels very odd to me to not be able to offer assistance to a coworker or see a problem and say "not my job" and walk away. ie; A machine leaking coolant on the floor and a older gentleman having difficulty cleaning it up and think "well I'm not allowed to help him because that's not my job"

Turns out the new hires on 1st shift I was being trained with were the nephews of one of the managers, hence why my training was neglected for their special treatment. As of now things are tolerable. Lots of braindead floor sweeping, but I can put up with it for now for what they're paying me. I'm thinking I'll stick things out until the new year (christmas bonus and christmas party) and then look for a new job.

So yeah... not THE job, but its A job for now..

So I'm at a bit of an impasse and would appreciate some feedback.

I have 2 sonas, Logan (M) and Bridgette (F). Both exist in their own timeline.

I'm torn on whether to have Bridgette be lesbian, bi or straight, here's my thinking....

She's a version of myself
I'm straight, so I wouldn't have a bf
But she's female so it'd make sense for her to have a bf
BUT I dunno how I feel about any version of myself having a bf

As one friend put it "If you want her to be your lady counterpart, there's a lot more that's flipped than just Logan with Boobs"

What are your thoughts?

That job from 3 journals ago, the one with the tiny pins? Yeah I quit that XD

Little bit o' rant since I need to get this off my mind
Going... ok? Got to choose my words lightly ^^;

The world is home to many different workplace environments, different cultures and different languages.

Having only worked in an western Anglo-Saxon work environment, this shop of 80-90% Eastern originating teammates has proven quite a bit of culture shock and unexpected hurdles.

A language & accent barrier prevents me from communicating with most of my coworkers while others I cant help but feel some are choosing to ignore me. Already there have been several mistakes with my name on them due to poor communication of intent or interpretations. Not hostile or anything HR worthy, but as one coworker whom has been there 2 years put it "they like to keep it in the family and not teach people like us". Another quoteworthy gem being "If you don't understand the first time and ask for clarification then they assume you weren't listening".

Also alot of unwritten rules that I'm mine fielding my way through. Some sort of territory thing between mill and lathe operators, apparently it's disrespectful to go into the others area of the shop? I was assigned to polish collets today and saw a grease handprint on a machines outer shell (visible to anyone touring the shop) so I cleaned it up. Remember what I said about keeping things in the family? Well someone like me touching his machine was very disrespectful and through a translator was nicely told "piss of and keep your hands to yourself". Naturally I apologized and explained my reasoning for doing so, I then asked the translator if he could convey my apology... nope. Didn't say a word to the machinist and told me to go back to polishing and then walked away, then everyone went back to work. His unwillingness to translate "he is very sorry and will not do it again" really pissed me off.

Another similar incident being the shift manager "in the family" telling me to sweep. Cool no problem. So I start sweeping... then someone tells me I'm not sweeping the right areas and points elsewhere... then someone else says I'm not using the right broom (apparently certain people 'own' certain brooms) and I'm pointed to a supply closet... then the janitor wants to know why I'm using his nice broom to sweep greasy metal chips (he wasn't in the family and was cool about once I explained, he too shared my frustrations) so he gives me the true 'right' broom. THEN the shift manager finds me and is slightly irked that I'm sweeping an area that the cleaning staff do every night (and thus wasting time in his words) so he sends me back to polishing rusty collets that look abandoned.

One final major f**k up last friday though. Let just call them vice jaws since more people know what those are. I'm taken to a large arm width, head height rack filled with custom vice jaws for holding many different parts for machining. Shift lead instructions were "ok you sort and pair by size and material ok buddy?" and then he left. Ok no problem, just like sorting legos. So after nearly a full day I have almost all of them paired with their sibling and taped together. Call boss over to look over. He looks over and asks "where special jaws?". Uh... special jaws sir? "Yes special jaws right here *points to corner of shelf* special jaws stay right here used so often, no move special jaws, where are special jaws?" I didn't know there were special jaws, there was no labeling on them so I treated them like I did all the others. etc etc etc So some machines couldn't be run while the jaws were searched for and I got a calm but firm lecturing about the importance of how money is lost when the machines aren't running. While not intentionally done, I can't help but feel this could have been avoided if key information like this had been shared. I feel the task was doomed to fail regardless of how good a job I did.

But on the plus side the starting pay is about 40% above min wage and 100% covered medical, dental and eye. I'm due to be transferred to 2nd shift soon and hoping it'll be a better atmosphere. That'll be when I decide if I keeping job searching while riding this one out in the meantime.

So.... yeah... it'll work short term, but I'm hesitant about long term. Workplace atmosphere is quite a bit 'us vs them' and communication troubles. Is this what prison is like? XD I'm noticing different cliques and how I'm being put into a game I want no part in....

That was... unexpected

Craigslist post for an undisclosed machine shop and the vague position 'shop assistant'. There was a $500 bonus after 60 days.
All red flags in my book, I had thought it was a temp agency (as they are normally vague) and the timed bonus usually signals that they can't keep people on a job.

Don't wanna give too many identifying details but it was quite the opposite of expected.
Very large multi building machine shop, lots of government contracts. Working with custom made 5-axis mills and doing a large expansion later in the year. I'd basically be doing what I was doing at my prior job, shadowing the machinists and making their job easier; cleaning, material handling, etc.

Their CFO was very understanding about my previous termination and explained how she has been told to do similar firings as to prevent legal repercussions against the company, ie; "It's unfortunate, but sometimes companies do that as it's very easy and cleancut for them... for the employee not so much".

Their hourly wage offer was quite generous and nothing I could have gotten at my prior job without a relevant degree, plus 100% full coverage benefits and 401k matching. Also super busy now with lots of opportunity for overtime, the site is functioning to various extents 24/7

Touring the job site I am quite happy and will be starting Monday =D

Thanks for the advice on the previous journal!

I didn't want to be 'that guy' that didn't show up on his first day on Monday, though had I a way to quit over the weekend I would have.

It was exactly the type of job I/we feared. I stood at punch machine for 8 hrs making solder cup pins. I asked if the process could be automated given how simple it was and was told that the company doesn't want to invest in a machine that can handle all the custom sizes their customers order.

Steps:
1) Place 7 - 1/2" toothpick thick pins into the slots
2) Twist dial to speed 3
3) Twist back to 0 before it tries to press slot 8
4) Repeat
This setup was much like an ammo belt loader, if nothing was pressed into slot 8 there was no way to reverse the machine, so I had to be vigilant.

I told the shift manager I wasn't up for the monotony of this job and explained how I had no way to contact HR and quit over the weekend, but wouldn't be professional to not show up on Monday. They understood and thanked me for showing up and putting in an honest days work.

I then sent a stern, but professional email to my recruiter telling him what the job actually entailed and how I felt the company was misleading.

Also 3/5 other people from the group orientation didn't show up... so make of that what you will.

If I could trouble you for a few minutes for feedback. Super summarized story

Got a job offer via a temp agency that is temp to hire after 2 months. Sounded great based off the job posting and very suited for my skill set. 40 commute 1 way, no benefits while temp. Hired without interview.

Showed up and it was group orientation. After a 5 hrs of orientation the very last thing (about 15 mins) on the tour was meeting our boss and seeing our work area.

Job turned out to be a monotonous "Tab A in slot A for 8 hrs" assembly job. There are weekly quotas trackable down to individuals. An american sweat shop of sorts. Also we'd be up for consideration to hire after 6 months, not 2, and it wasn't a guarantee.

I'm rather pissed at their HR person for the creative wording in the job posting and having the workplace be the last thing on the schedule. I know there's a psychological term for "well I've invested so many resources into this so far, it'd be a loss to walk away now". and that's what I think she was banking on, showing us a shitty job at the last minute so we would feel pressured to stay as we'd already invested so much time.

As we were walking back to our cars all the other new hires agreed this job is bulls**t and was not what they signed up for.

SO.

Leave or stay?

On one hand I need income.

But on the other
1) I'll go braindead
2) 2+ hr commute traffic dependent
3) Reduced availability for interviews
4) The job (sort of) lied to get me in the door

My parents have given me conflicting feedback so I'm in need of more XD

Little hung over from my birthday, but had a blast! Went out for sushi, Avengers endgame and finished with whisky and MTG <3

Coworker called briefly today

Apparently they've been told my position was liquidated due to budget and that there was slight chaos in the ranks for those I was working under to try to figure out what to do without me. Not sure why he told me it was due to "performance" but whatever.

One of our back office people (who is now is in charge of receiving) exclaimed with a long sign "God I miss that boy already" as now her day just got more hectic and involves more walking than her knees are happy with. I take great joy in knowing I'll be missed.

'Position liquidation' sounds like a better reason than 'office politics' for being let go so I'm as happy as one could be in the situation. This isn't the first time someone was let go suddenly, though given recent activity at the company I hadn't even considered it possible for me.