HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

anyway so next month would be the month my fiance and i were supposed to get married but it looks like that's not happening now due to my disability so instead we're just extending our engagement and trying very hard to start our life even though its a lil unorthodox, we're hoping to be moving to Colorado in April or May for Byron to go to school but till then i'm splitting time between my folks' house and his house, its awkward but doable and its fun with his roomates and their baby girl i feel like i have two families now! i'm also trying very hard to get through this darn art block!

hey whoever reads this, sorry for my hiatus but i've got good news and bad news;

1. bad news: Feb. is the anniversary of my stroke and it freaks me out, i don't know why it scares me, i know its not gunna jump out at me i know its not gunna happen again but it scares the bloody hell out of me.

2. good news: I'M ENGAGED! yup my fiance Byron and i were talking and it just happened, my ring is currently in layaway so he hasn't dropped down on one knee yet but its only because its not paid off, the wedding is set for Jan. 20th 2013 and we couldn't be more excited and planning is really helping keeping me busy and distracted this month, i've got our venue set, my dress bought and some ideas for bridesmaid's already and i'm hoping to meet my future in-laws soon and then get both families together for a big dinner, anyway i haven't been drawing i'm going through a block that is like no other i have ever had, normally my art blocks last maybe a week and right now i can't even remember the last time i've drawn, its very depressing i feel like i'm missing that form of relief but oh well hopefully i'll be able to put pen to tablet very soon ><

yay so i'm actually looking forward to summer now (even though winter and fall are still my fave months) because that should be around the time Ceviche turns 1 yr old and i may be able to go get him :D i'm really excited by this even though it seems soooo far away, i'm just hoping everything goes as planned!

alright, with mom and dad's health issues it looks like i have to move back in with them, i'm terrified of this but i have no choice, i'm planning to get the move done by late august/early september, so i may be on and off here and there, anyway later!

i'm sorry for being such a debbie downer but i just can't get a break, i just found out my dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer and for now am having to put my service dog on hold for more financial reasons, anyway i guess i'll be touch and go on here, i'm having a hard time with this since all i've worked for and planned for is seemingly going down the drain and i'm left with no knowledge of what to do, dad says for now there's nothing i can do but still, this perpetual waiting is really eating at me, anyway, that is all, this is my update.

"when we long for life without difficulties,
remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds
and diamonds are made under pressure."

Peter marshall


it feels like forever since i've been back to this site, my computer broke down and needed a new hard drive and i lost one of my very best friends, Excalibur my 21 year old thoroughbred gelding suffered from colic on march 21st and had to be put down, for 10 short years he was my best friend and my shoulder to cry on and my friend i could tell everything i know it seems silly but we had history and i'm having a very hard time this week knowing he's gone. anyway that is my update



"there is something about the outside of a horse
that is good for the inside of a man"

Winston Churchill

another way you can help if you don't see being able to put something into nothing you can visit this website and purchase anything from toys to candies and candles and even DVDs and most of the profit will go towards my affording a service dog and affording the plane and hotel costs necessary to obtain it! http://www.frontrunnerfundraising.c.....eetsforservice Thank You So Much!

Sorry for spamming your inbox's i'm still trying to save money to be able to afford a psychiatric service dog and to pay for the travel expenses from Kansas to California for two weeks! if you want to help please go to this site and donate! i'm the last story on the page and remember that EVERY LITTLE BIT HELPS!!

http://littleangelsdogtraining.net/forsale.html

the 20th of this month is the anniversary to my stroke so this month is full of problems for me and my anxiety and depression makes it nearly impossible to leave my home, i'm still doing commissions to help afford a service dog to aid me and give me the ability to have a semi-normal life, and with the commissions i'm thinking of opening another slot, tattoo commissions, 5$ for something simple and small and 10$ for something bigger and more complex

Hey everyone i'm wanting to open commissions, any money earned here is going towards getting a service dog to help with my agoraphobia (i'm afraid of leaving my home alone and he will help me get out and enjoy life)

a cg colored character head shot for 5$

a cg colored character full body shot for 10$

(the style is the style continued throughout my gallery!)

if your interested please note me!! and thank you very much you don't know how much this helps!!

okay so being bored as feck i made a furspace >< i'm still prism panda and i feel so dumb for making one but whatev, and ack! how do you do stuff on this stupid site?!

wow all my journals are depressing pieces of crap XP well i'm almost all healed up now and waiting to get home but with all this snow i'm not sure if i will get there anytime soon, i love snow why couldn't it have come earlier so i could enjoy it instead of coming just in time to keep me in kc and make me hate it >:(

okay soooo the doctor just called and i have a non functioning gallbladder so i will probably be gone for a day or two if i can i'll have my ipod so i can answer messages and such but yah, i'm not sure when my surgery is and i have very conflicting feelings over this, i'm glad this nightmare will be over and i'm terrified that they're going to open me up and take out an organ >< blah!

okay, sorry about being gone for a bit, at about 4 am the 26th i had to go to the E.R. after an i.v. of drugs i was sent home with some meds and after a gallbladder scan and a doctors appointment i should know whats going on with me probably by monday, this is the first time i've felt okay enough to sit up in bed long enough to type this out and i'm going to try and draw a bit before i go back into my drug induced coma sooooo if you need me you might be able to get me by aim/msn anyway ummmm i'm not sure if this is making any sense or not sooo uh toodles?

alright so i know no one really reads this but i need somewhere to vent >< it looks like mom's in stage 4 of her kidney disease, being her offspring i'm hoping that with lapband, a treadmill and some meds to work on protecting my kidneys and heart (since kidney disease and diabetes runs in my family) i can be a possible donor candidate since of course i should be a perfect blood match i'm terrified of this of course because if worse comes to worse and i get diabetes/kidney disease i'll have less time with only one functioning kidney but i don't know what else to do i feel bad in saying that my family hasn't really been there for me and my problems and i keep a wall up in dealing with my issues to save my family and friends the stress and inconvenience but i need my mom and i need to be here for her and her problems....anyway i'm not expecting comments on this i'm tired, on meds and stressed so my view may be slightly skewed but...there its oout and now i can work on other issues like babysitters/service dogs/settlements/finances and well just other stuff....that is all, the end, fin