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More of my usual oversharing.
Posted 6 months agoTruly truly bizarre how a rabbit hole on twitter made me realize how politics, history, and religions from around the world are all tied together.
I know it seems unusual for a man who creates pornography to write something like this but I kind of treat this account as an extension of myself in a way. A place to share my thoughts, a pen name to hide behind when afraid of being associated with my more unusual thoughts. I'm certain you've all been seeing the insanity in the world today that ramps up more and more with each passing hour. What were once conspiracy theories are now undisputable fact and more of them come true. People we once disliked turn out to be heroes and visa-versa. Stranger still, what were once religious myths make undisputable scientific fact.
What do I mean? Well, for reasons unkown, this is probably the spoken of final great awakening but twitter, the news, everything even the average public talk about all point that the bible is true and we're in the book of revalations. Very near to the end too. I never was a very good Christian; indeed at one point I had no faith at all. My eyes were opened however right after Trump was elected; there were these massive info dumps from around the internet of information and how it lined up with things like "Solomon's key" and other biblical things. Then I read that the burned scrolls found in a volcano in Italy (I think) can now be read thanks to AI and well...it lead me down a rabbit hole.
Needless to say despite the person I may have been through my life, I obviously struggled with lust and addiction but I truly believe Christ would forgive me because he's forgiven throughout the Bible far worse individuals. Seeing that even many furries are Christians made me feel a lot better about being honest about it and to be fair, the world for rebuilding my faith.
But basically for a month or so I became ENTHRALLED in all history, world religions including lost historical ones, current day events and it was like something clicked in me and I realized how it's all a giant puzzle. We have all the pieces, we have just to step back and see it all assembled.
I know it seems unusual for a man who creates pornography to write something like this but I kind of treat this account as an extension of myself in a way. A place to share my thoughts, a pen name to hide behind when afraid of being associated with my more unusual thoughts. I'm certain you've all been seeing the insanity in the world today that ramps up more and more with each passing hour. What were once conspiracy theories are now undisputable fact and more of them come true. People we once disliked turn out to be heroes and visa-versa. Stranger still, what were once religious myths make undisputable scientific fact.
What do I mean? Well, for reasons unkown, this is probably the spoken of final great awakening but twitter, the news, everything even the average public talk about all point that the bible is true and we're in the book of revalations. Very near to the end too. I never was a very good Christian; indeed at one point I had no faith at all. My eyes were opened however right after Trump was elected; there were these massive info dumps from around the internet of information and how it lined up with things like "Solomon's key" and other biblical things. Then I read that the burned scrolls found in a volcano in Italy (I think) can now be read thanks to AI and well...it lead me down a rabbit hole.
Needless to say despite the person I may have been through my life, I obviously struggled with lust and addiction but I truly believe Christ would forgive me because he's forgiven throughout the Bible far worse individuals. Seeing that even many furries are Christians made me feel a lot better about being honest about it and to be fair, the world for rebuilding my faith.
But basically for a month or so I became ENTHRALLED in all history, world religions including lost historical ones, current day events and it was like something clicked in me and I realized how it's all a giant puzzle. We have all the pieces, we have just to step back and see it all assembled.
Red Green color deficiency
Posted 10 months agoAnyone ever have one of those moments where you're like "I did not know that about myself". As I was fiddling with my monitors various settings, one of the presets seemed to have a strange "grey to green" transition to me. After giving it some thought and remembering that pink always looked kind of smudged/weird depending on the monitor, I started doing some experimenting with different screens and color settings. Turns out I have a weak red and green deficiency. That explains a LOT about why I struggle a bit with color. Knowing about a problem can help correct it but has anyone noticed anything particularly off color wise? I really picked up on how pink looks sorta grey to me whilst working on the lovander pic.
Anywho, back to exercising. Had to do a lot of physical therapy every day and it's got me so worn out. x_x;
Anywho, back to exercising. Had to do a lot of physical therapy every day and it's got me so worn out. x_x;
Need your opinion/help.
Posted a year agoSo, I'm working on a big back log (over 150-ish, i'm still scanning and...harvesting we'll call it) an entire collection of my work prior to deleting things. There's lots of old, some new, some unposted, but I need to know whether you want me to put it all in a zip file and put it on a file host or to just sort it properly here. Would I get in trouble for mass uploading? Not sure how to present "Professor Polecat's pathetic picture pile". XD
No but seriously, this is a pile of drawings and scans from 2007-ish to now, so it's...big.
No but seriously, this is a pile of drawings and scans from 2007-ish to now, so it's...big.
Overhaul time! (Important please read)
Posted a year agoAs I continue to recover health wise, I fully intend to "rebuild" my online presence. What do I mean by that, you ask?
Well, I'm going to say something ungodly stupid but roll with me on this; I've been treating furry as a sexual thing and really only posted porn because I have the social skills of a horny teen. These art sites are meant to be for socializing and sharing art as a whole, not just porn. I felt that I had to hide what I was drawing when I would sketch irl and basically ruined my drawing skills by only drawing when no one could ask me what it was and judge me. It seems people don't give a fuck about furry when you explain it to them, and nobody cares if you draw porn. It's only human to have a desire for the opposite sex. This mind set however caused me to draw less and less until for almost a decade I've drawn next to nothing. I fully intend to fix that. This incredibly stupid reason however, is why when people have tried to talk to me for years over messengers I may have come off as inattentive, quiet, or having bad social skills.
Turns out I have really bad ADHD and it kept me from drawing and I had no control over myself. The past decade I basically fell apart due to a condition I didn't know I had. The surgery was to fix my esophagus and move my stomach back into place. It was almost 2 months ago I had the surgery but I am -still- recovering. I strongly urge you all to take as good care of your stomach now; I'm only 35 but it's still healing. I've learned so much about disease, skeletal posture importance, etc. I now have the right medications, I'm working on my social skills, I haven't drank in 11 months and haven't smoked cigarettes in around 9 months. I still vape, but after learning that most smokers have issues because of the -act- of smoking causing damage, not the nicotine itself (long story what I mean. The smokers who live to really old age have great posture. Kyphosis is what causes the oxygen loss and other symptoms and is caused by the act of smoking itself, not what is being smoked per se.)
Instead of just sitting around playing video games, I'm going to try streaming, but in the beginning basically by just letting anyone watch me play. I'm not scheduling anything as I don't want to disappoint anyone by setting a time and not doing it. I just really feel my semi pro skill combined with my goofy personality would be a fun time. I'm always cracking jokes, puns and referencing things but I need to learn to do it with an audience. Since regaining confidence in myself, I really hope to get to socializing correctly and actually doing the fun stuff I see others do, I KNOW I can do, but I let fear get to me.
Despite these problems, I really enjoy being Professor Polecat as a character and entertaining people. I want to make the Polecat character and the comedic story behind all my oddballs something more fleshed out. (that's right, my dumb ass has only shared the porn of my characters and none of the content XD) This does mean however, I need to make this account more sfw and move the adult material to my older account and split the two between sfw and nsfw. I want people to be able to meet me in games and THEN find my twitter/furaffinity/deviantart/etc.
I want to thank you all who despite what basically amounts to being nearly absent for years, I finally understand myself, my health, and what I want out of life. It's going to be a slow process but I'm getting there. I honestly reached a point where depression, anxiety, and other family/social factors had me so disconnected I did nothing but drink and lock myself in my room. I even had thoughts of...well, you know. Laying down on the train tracks by my house to escape what was wrong with me. When you don't know why but you have no control and can't stop yourself from doing something stupid like drinking nearly 5 days a week it takes it's toll. I locked myself away from the world because I was afraid of what I viewed as my flaws, but my flaws didn't stop people from liking me. They only loved me more and wanted to help in any way they can. Besides, my family loves me and accepts me for what I do and who I am; if someone else likes what I do? Great! If they don't like it? Why care? I will most likely never meet them and as far as I care, they're text on a screen. Take any honest criticism to improve, and tell haters to fuck off and let people have their fun.
Anywho, I know this journal is long but as my brain clears from all the intoxicant chemicals I put in it and I can tend to ramble. I've had so much to say and no one to say it to. Turns out you've all been here ready to listen, I was just too afraid to talk to you. :P
Well, I'm going to say something ungodly stupid but roll with me on this; I've been treating furry as a sexual thing and really only posted porn because I have the social skills of a horny teen. These art sites are meant to be for socializing and sharing art as a whole, not just porn. I felt that I had to hide what I was drawing when I would sketch irl and basically ruined my drawing skills by only drawing when no one could ask me what it was and judge me. It seems people don't give a fuck about furry when you explain it to them, and nobody cares if you draw porn. It's only human to have a desire for the opposite sex. This mind set however caused me to draw less and less until for almost a decade I've drawn next to nothing. I fully intend to fix that. This incredibly stupid reason however, is why when people have tried to talk to me for years over messengers I may have come off as inattentive, quiet, or having bad social skills.
Turns out I have really bad ADHD and it kept me from drawing and I had no control over myself. The past decade I basically fell apart due to a condition I didn't know I had. The surgery was to fix my esophagus and move my stomach back into place. It was almost 2 months ago I had the surgery but I am -still- recovering. I strongly urge you all to take as good care of your stomach now; I'm only 35 but it's still healing. I've learned so much about disease, skeletal posture importance, etc. I now have the right medications, I'm working on my social skills, I haven't drank in 11 months and haven't smoked cigarettes in around 9 months. I still vape, but after learning that most smokers have issues because of the -act- of smoking causing damage, not the nicotine itself (long story what I mean. The smokers who live to really old age have great posture. Kyphosis is what causes the oxygen loss and other symptoms and is caused by the act of smoking itself, not what is being smoked per se.)
Instead of just sitting around playing video games, I'm going to try streaming, but in the beginning basically by just letting anyone watch me play. I'm not scheduling anything as I don't want to disappoint anyone by setting a time and not doing it. I just really feel my semi pro skill combined with my goofy personality would be a fun time. I'm always cracking jokes, puns and referencing things but I need to learn to do it with an audience. Since regaining confidence in myself, I really hope to get to socializing correctly and actually doing the fun stuff I see others do, I KNOW I can do, but I let fear get to me.
Despite these problems, I really enjoy being Professor Polecat as a character and entertaining people. I want to make the Polecat character and the comedic story behind all my oddballs something more fleshed out. (that's right, my dumb ass has only shared the porn of my characters and none of the content XD) This does mean however, I need to make this account more sfw and move the adult material to my older account and split the two between sfw and nsfw. I want people to be able to meet me in games and THEN find my twitter/furaffinity/deviantart/etc.
I want to thank you all who despite what basically amounts to being nearly absent for years, I finally understand myself, my health, and what I want out of life. It's going to be a slow process but I'm getting there. I honestly reached a point where depression, anxiety, and other family/social factors had me so disconnected I did nothing but drink and lock myself in my room. I even had thoughts of...well, you know. Laying down on the train tracks by my house to escape what was wrong with me. When you don't know why but you have no control and can't stop yourself from doing something stupid like drinking nearly 5 days a week it takes it's toll. I locked myself away from the world because I was afraid of what I viewed as my flaws, but my flaws didn't stop people from liking me. They only loved me more and wanted to help in any way they can. Besides, my family loves me and accepts me for what I do and who I am; if someone else likes what I do? Great! If they don't like it? Why care? I will most likely never meet them and as far as I care, they're text on a screen. Take any honest criticism to improve, and tell haters to fuck off and let people have their fun.
Anywho, I know this journal is long but as my brain clears from all the intoxicant chemicals I put in it and I can tend to ramble. I've had so much to say and no one to say it to. Turns out you've all been here ready to listen, I was just too afraid to talk to you. :P
Surgery Tomorrow
Posted a year agoWell, this is something I've been dreading (and part of the reason I had my recent breakdown). Tomorrow morning I have stomach surgery to fix a hiatal hernia. I have a severe fear of surgical situations due to a particularly bad experience as a young kid. I should be fine, but I'll be out for a bit. Not fun. x_x;I'm hoping to try to get back into things once I can eat better and recover.
Picking myself back up.
Posted a year agoI hope no one was particularly worried; I'm going through quite a bit atm. I'm okay, I just have a lot coming down on me at once and I broke. I felt like retreating and hiding. I'm sorry, I'll try to do better.
