FA+
Shop
Make yo own icon
Posted 12 years agoWant a new icon? Heres a cool generator thats getting popular.
http://www.icongenerators.net/square.html
Reminder
Posted 12 years agoJust a reminder to those I owe work to-
I am currently working almost 40 hrs a week at my job and Im sick at the
moment so I'm doing the best I can to get caught up with my backlog now
that I have no problem drawing but it's still going to be slow. Thank you so
much for being so thoughtfully patient with me so far. New things I post
for a while is all backlog.
And thank you everyone on my last journals, you fucking sweethearts ;;
I am currently working almost 40 hrs a week at my job and Im sick at the
moment so I'm doing the best I can to get caught up with my backlog now
that I have no problem drawing but it's still going to be slow. Thank you so
much for being so thoughtfully patient with me so far. New things I post
for a while is all backlog.
And thank you everyone on my last journals, you fucking sweethearts ;;
Just when you think it's safe to go back into the water
Posted 12 years agoA shark bites you in the ass.
I guess I gotten bitten. In a good way. I dont know what happened, but soon after
my last journal I started drawing.. and kept drawing. I didn't have to force it, I was
enjoying it, it was coming out smoothly it was completely opposite of how it's been
in a long time. I was worried it was just a fluke, that it would only last a little while
but it's staying and I find myself wanting to draw everyday ;; You have no idea how
happy this makes me, I was so gd miserable without it.
This means I will be finishing my commissions, unless some of you still want a
refund I completely understand cause it's been a seriously long wait, let me
know now cause if not Im just going to finish them all. Fuck Im so happy ;;
I guess I gotten bitten. In a good way. I dont know what happened, but soon after
my last journal I started drawing.. and kept drawing. I didn't have to force it, I was
enjoying it, it was coming out smoothly it was completely opposite of how it's been
in a long time. I was worried it was just a fluke, that it would only last a little while
but it's staying and I find myself wanting to draw everyday ;; You have no idea how
happy this makes me, I was so gd miserable without it.
This means I will be finishing my commissions, unless some of you still want a
refund I completely understand cause it's been a seriously long wait, let me
know now cause if not Im just going to finish them all. Fuck Im so happy ;;
Update isnt pretty
Posted 12 years agoI can't fool myself anymore, I wanted things to be different
but they just aren't. Last year forced a lot of change in me
and my life and now I gotta do something about it. Springtime
is right around the corner and I'm selling my home and moving.
I won't be doing commissions and all owed commissions are getting
refunds from the profit of my condo by the end of summer.
If I owe you and you didn't get a note explaining this send
me a note now and I'll write you down.
When I move I'm going to look into school or classes, I don't
even know what of honestly. I'm sorry if I've upset you, I just
need to grow the fuck up and quit being a dumbass.
Poor loki
Posted 13 years agohttp://dl.dropbox.com/u/12383802/LokiLeg.png
Bringing loki home yesterday from the vet. the cast is huge jeezus x_x
it's gonna be on there for 2 weeks and he's not suppose to move around a lot.
poor poopykins is so miserable ;; it makes me so sad to see him like this.
Coming back
Posted 13 years agoFall is here and this year is slowly heading for the end and I can't wait for
it to officially be over. I got to be honest, I've never had to face such
struggles as the ones in this year and I'm still battling with the leftovers.
Things are better though, I am coming around, slowly. It's just so hard to
keep positive. Mom is recovering like I am but she has it worse, there aren't
going to be anymore surgeries or chemo or whatever but her and her body
are just still so weak and she struggles just to do normal things everyday.
It's hard to see her like this, she's been a hard worker all her life.
Anyway, now that the worse is over with mom I had time to really take in the
fact I'm going to be getting divorced. God, it fucks with me so badly sometimes.
Most of the year I couldn't focus on it or "deal" with the feelings ya know, because I
had to take care of mom but now it's coming in full force like a flood and I find
myself sobbing every time I get a moment alone.
Things need to get back to normal, I need to go back to drawing like I use too
I'm trying so hard to pick up where I left off even though I have to try to force it
out it's slowly coming back to me. Thank you all for the things youve said during
this year, I know I rarely updated or spoke back, I don't really feel I deserve it.
I just feel ashamed and guilty for disappearing for so long but I swear I'm coming
back, now, I will finish everything I owe and I will be uploading. I have plans to
reinvent myself soon, need a fresh start.. need to start over.. so badly, I think
it will help.
GFDI
Posted 13 years agoGuess who fell down on the pavement and twisted their fucking ankle? Me.
Went to the ER, thought it was broken or dislocated because of the huge
bump on the side, luckily not but I do have some torn ligaments. Now I'm
on fucking crutches. Fuck this fucking year, it's been bullshit for me, for
people close to me it's been just crap all year long for just about everyone
I know. I know there are tons of people who have it worse right now so I
shouldn't be bitching.. but I can't help but be mad ;; im sorry
Went to the ER, thought it was broken or dislocated because of the huge
bump on the side, luckily not but I do have some torn ligaments. Now I'm
on fucking crutches. Fuck this fucking year, it's been bullshit for me, for
people close to me it's been just crap all year long for just about everyone
I know. I know there are tons of people who have it worse right now so I
shouldn't be bitching.. but I can't help but be mad ;; im sorry
Surgery
Posted 13 years agoMom is going into surgery this wed. Double mastectomy.
After this... I dont know. I just don't know. I hope just recovery.
She's terrified of doing radiation, still need to talk to docs about
all the risks involved with radiation.. if she doesn't do it then it's
all about recovering then. Getting her strength back up so she
can return to work and her life and me to my own.
After this... I dont know. I just don't know. I hope just recovery.
She's terrified of doing radiation, still need to talk to docs about
all the risks involved with radiation.. if she doesn't do it then it's
all about recovering then. Getting her strength back up so she
can return to work and her life and me to my own.
Hopefully the worse is over
Posted 13 years agoI can't believe 20 days have already past since my last update omg x_x
Well updating about mom and me.
Mom had 4 treatments of a very strong, serious chemo, the strongest you can get
I believe and fuck it did kick her ass. This last treatment, last thru has been a nightmare
I took her to the ER twice, sat night and yesterday, we were there for 6-7 hours and
she was in serious pain, cramping in her stomach. She had got an infection and
couldn't take her pain meds, well any meds, and no food she threw it back up.
They finally gave her a pain patch which is time released over the course of 3 days
Now that was the last treatment of THAT chemo, and the last of shot she had to get afterwards.
The shot makes you sick too, its meant to force your body to create more white blood
cells since the chemo kills them off. So.. now we wont see another chemo treatment
until the 5th, plenty of time to recover and this next chemo treatment is a lighter
mixture so the effects shouldn't be as bad. Heres to hoping the worse is over.
Mom is still super weak though, I have to be with her every day right now to help
her with everyday stuff like bathing and taking care of house things like cat and food.
I think in about a week things will turn around, she should feel stronger and I will
be able to work more at home.
Alkdjalksdjiajdalikjsd
Posted 13 years agohrmrmm ;; omgosh
last week was so.. so very bad but so far this week is showing promise
yesterday man, omgosh my heart. Story bout yesterday.
Yesterday I took my mom to the job center because with her not working, on disability she
could use food stamps as well until this thing is over and holy hell that place is confusing ;;
We were in a big open waiting area, needed to get some papers scanned. My mom normally
has a wig on but she didn't this time and she has lost all her hair at the moment due to chemo.
And at some point she got upset just thinking about being in this situation and started crying.
So there was this man who came in, took a number and sat down. He kept looking at us and
at some point he motioned for me to come over to him.. I was like uh ok.. a little weirded out but
maybe he had some questions I could help answer about this area? I sat down beside him and
he asked "Is that your mom? " I told him yes and he handed something to me. It was a coin.
Both sides of the coin had an angel on it, I looked at him confused, he said "This is a guardian
angel. My mom passed away from lung cancer back in 96. I want you to have this"
x_x alskjaskjlalkjdakjd what... this token? this thing he probably has carried around with him
since 96??? He said it was given to him by a friend of his, a war vet... and hes giving it to
a complete stranger... I was so.. caught off guard I didn't know what to say. I asked him
what happened, he told me a short story bout his mom then I told him about my mom.
We had to do our business with the paperwork but afterwards, when I had time to actually
think and accept this small but strong gesture of kindness I shook his hand and
told him, I take kindness very seriously and this will not go unappreciated and we will
pass this on, he kindly smiled to us both and we left.
omg ;; I just.. auguhggh I wanna tear up just thinking about it now.
I dont think I will ever ever forget this.
last week was so.. so very bad but so far this week is showing promise
yesterday man, omgosh my heart. Story bout yesterday.
Yesterday I took my mom to the job center because with her not working, on disability she
could use food stamps as well until this thing is over and holy hell that place is confusing ;;
We were in a big open waiting area, needed to get some papers scanned. My mom normally
has a wig on but she didn't this time and she has lost all her hair at the moment due to chemo.
And at some point she got upset just thinking about being in this situation and started crying.
So there was this man who came in, took a number and sat down. He kept looking at us and
at some point he motioned for me to come over to him.. I was like uh ok.. a little weirded out but
maybe he had some questions I could help answer about this area? I sat down beside him and
he asked "Is that your mom? " I told him yes and he handed something to me. It was a coin.
Both sides of the coin had an angel on it, I looked at him confused, he said "This is a guardian
angel. My mom passed away from lung cancer back in 96. I want you to have this"
x_x alskjaskjlalkjdakjd what... this token? this thing he probably has carried around with him
since 96??? He said it was given to him by a friend of his, a war vet... and hes giving it to
a complete stranger... I was so.. caught off guard I didn't know what to say. I asked him
what happened, he told me a short story bout his mom then I told him about my mom.
We had to do our business with the paperwork but afterwards, when I had time to actually
think and accept this small but strong gesture of kindness I shook his hand and
told him, I take kindness very seriously and this will not go unappreciated and we will
pass this on, he kindly smiled to us both and we left.
omg ;; I just.. auguhggh I wanna tear up just thinking about it now.
I dont think I will ever ever forget this.
A friend new to anthro fandom
Posted 13 years agoupdate
Posted 13 years agothis is a reluctant update because i dont really have any good news
mom had to take off work right after her first chemo, we were told everyone
is different, some bad some ok.. well shes bad. there are days she can't
do anything at all and i've been like a house nurse i guess? cooking cleaning
and helping her with anything she needs like showers or getting round the house
handling her bills and talking to everyone, her work, her insurance, disability etc
i got her to go to a few cancer support meetings but she doesnt like them
and im exhausted trying to juggle all the new info about cancer or aid or
medical or whatever, just so fucking much, i feel like my mind is going to
explode. she gets so frustrated some days and so angry i dont know
how to help her calm down so i just let her rant until she runs out of
steam. 5 more months of this, til chemo is done.. i wanna say i can
do it but sometimes im so confused and frustrated myself trying
to keep everything together and both our lives running.
sorry to just update with whining, i just dont know what to do sometimes
i need to get my commissions done, im sorry commissioners im still
working on them when i get some time to myself.
Up and Down
Posted 13 years ago
God things have been up and down, rocky and all over the place.
Mom had her first chemo, luckily she didn't get too sick only extremely
tired and some terrible headaches. Shes going in for another Biopsy tomorrow
for her other breast since her MRI showed some shadowy parts in that one
as well. Shes strong some days but other days.. I just don't know. I'm
her soul caretaker so I haven't be home much.. I feel like I've taken
on a whole other life with my own and it's stressful for both of us.
but I gotta do what I gotta do to help her anyway I can, I know
she'd be right there with me if it was me instead of her..
I'm sorry guys I want things back to normal and I hope once we
get a routine going things will be easier, I'll be back soon ;;
Good news, cancer stuff
Posted 13 years ago
I feel like I've been holding my breath since this all began and can finally breathe
my mom told me the same thing. We've been waiting for more final answers to what
it is she has and what its going to take to get rid of it and now with the p.e.t. scan over
with we know it's stage 3, which if the pet scan had been bad it would be stage 4,
she only has breast cancer and there doesnt seem to be any cancer elsewhere in her body.
She starts chemo next week and I'm going to a class to teach me all about chemo
treatment, I'm going to be about it when it comes to her support. Mom doesnt
have many close friends and family all lives far away, really I'm all shes got
and I plan to be there for every moment she needs me.
Thank you everyone who left advice and thoughtful comments in my last journals
sorry I havent been round much to answer back, been busy but thank you
thank you thank you.
Update on Cancer
Posted 13 years ago
Ok wow uh, mom has had her biopsy and been to visit the oncologist.
Looks like mom is faltering between the different stage 3s. She has lobular
breast cancer which is more rare than the more common ductal breast cancer.
Doc said only about %10 of breast cancer is lobular. It's a sneakier cancer
because it wasn't detected on her last few mammograms, they had done
and ultrasound to final see the mass which is 8 cm big, which from what I
understand is very very big for breast cancer. Ductal cancer is the one most
people find because it creates that hard "lump" everyone is looking for, lobular
forms differently and much harder to detect, so she has most likely been living
with it for a long time.
Right now we are back in the waiting game, we have more answers now but it's
getting harder the closer we come to the truth because we still don't know if she
has any other cancer cells in her body. There is a test going to be done called
a PET scan and even though it's not 100% its going to be the closest confirmation
to if there is cancer else where.. and from what I understand that means it could
be incurable if it's spread throughout her body.
So.. now we wait for this pet scan result.. if it comes back bad I guess she might
be told an estimate on how long she might be living for, I'm not sure.
I didn't want to ask the doctor in front of her but I couldn't get a moment
to ask him alone.
I'm scared, shes scared and I have to pretend I'm not when I'm in front of her.
I'm trying not to think about it, keep busy, keep distracted and getting a
moment to think to myself tends to end up in tears
lol I didn't think I had any left.
Moms Biopsy and Chemo Advice
Posted 13 years ago
Just got back from moms Biopsy, shit that sucked but shes better now.
We won't know what stage of cancer we are dealing with until the results come back
at the latest tue but they doctor said, even if things might change between now
and then she believes the game plan will be Chemo first to try to shrink the mass
because it's not a nice little lump, its a bit spread out, then surgery to try to
remove it. Is there any advice for new chemo patients? I know everyone takes to
it differently but we don't have anyone personal we can talk to about this other than
the medical team.
Thank you
Posted 13 years ago
Sorry I dont have time or well, energy, really to reply to everyone in my
last journal.. I'm a bit mentally exhausted but I wanna say thank you,
everything you guys said, just what I need I know to be positive and
keep strong for her and I plan to no matter how much it threw me
off my feet at first. Thank you thank you thank you. I promise if I
have questions I will come to all who have offered advice and support.
Everything but ok
Posted 13 years ago
I've rewritten this journal like ten times now.. I just really don't know
how to say whatever it is I want to say.. so I might as well just come out with it.
My mom has breast cancer and to be honest I'm everything but ok.
I know everything I should do, how I should be positive but I just never
thought.. this would happen and I'm not prepared. I haven't been this
fucked up in a long time.
It's so painfully ironic both me and my mom walked to breast cancer last oct.
I'm sorry, I just don't know what else to do or say right now.
I'm guessing I will get some thoughtful comments and/or advice,
so thank you in advance.
25 journals skipped
