So I may be nervous and not real organized, but I will be at Furry Fiesta and angling for an Artists Alley spot. While bringing anatomy textbooks for exam Monday, and digital design homework due Tuesday. I should be busy and very, very happy.

Because y'know, better to do it half-assed than not to do it at all. Yeah! *points Team Gurren talon to sky*


edit: Whoop - but I won't be there Thursday night like most of y'all, because design class goes till 10. rar.

edited again: I like strangers and I often work with headphones on. Therefore, I need a sign:

"Oblivious Friendly - poking okay"

A couple of nature artists have started the Endangered Print Project , selling art prints to fund conservation efforts for the species pictured. What's special is that they make only as many prints as members of that species survive... only 45 Amur leopards exist in the wild, so only 45 prints of the leopard artwork exist. Only 45... the entirety of the species, so to speak, could fit into a single binder.

They also have a wonderful species-you've-never-heard-of blog. Purple toad? Jerboa with ears bigger than its head? Blood-squirting lizard? Admire and enjoy.

I'm hardly the only one for whom 2009 was a rough year. I really thought at the start of it all that I had a bright future to work towards. Now, the last few months have been blacked out in tangles of fear and rage, driving me back into hiding. It's taking all I have just to look outside the storm shelter again.

Still, I have successes enough to mark to my account since I last counted the days and announced my claim to a future. I've found enough courage to post my art publicly. I've sat down at my first artist's table and taken my first commissions. I slept through the night without nightmares for the first time since 2007. I disagreed with my parents about my future and did not back down. Though it took a week of panic attacks to accomplish, I made my first self-portrait in my first formal art class. And I battled test anxiety to the point where I tackled the final of a pre-med level comparative anatomy course while singing for joy, much to the annoyance of my classmates in study group.

The future hasn't gone anywhere merely because I flinched from it. The lesson of 2009 has mostly been about conquering fear. The first lesson of 2010 will be to forgive myself and go on walking forward, over this trampled ground.

So, an update... I've gone to ground for the weekend, but tomorrow I need to get back to Dallas for the last two weeks of the semester. Is anyone out there willing and able to offer crash space for even a few days? The equivalent of a hotel room floor would be wonderful. And I do dishes on purpose and enjoy it.

"Home is run no more." -WE3

---

(Thinking out loud, in case it helps anyone considering the same choice, or just to speak my mind.)

The cats are secure for a couple of weeks, and I've stashed my most important stuff. Both of those ease my mind; now I just have to finish the job. I'll be talking to financial aid once the offices open on Monday, with the aim of securing a proper place ASAP, by Christmas, or at least January.

I've run once before, and it's much less world-breaking the second time. Make a plan, consider security, salvage the most important things first. Take care of the first day, then the weekend, then the weeks and months to follow. Once the decision's made, only logistics remain. Deciding to run is by far the hardest part.

I remember the awkwardnesses from the first time, seventeen months ago. Sleeping fully clothed with my wallet and cellphone in my pockets, just in case. Checking the lines of sight so I won't be taken by surprise. Vetting what I say, even to my relatives, lest they innocently give the game away. All familiar tricks, skills learned in fear and now dusted off with resignation.

Yet these are not rare skills. People run every day, coming to shelters and services terrified in their loneliness; but this path has been well trodden and well guided by veterans willing to help those who run. There is a future outside the walls, when the price of staying becomes too high.

If anyone out there needs to run, but the fear of escape still outweighs the fear of staying, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (http://www.ndvh.org). They were my guide, when I first asked the question that serves as the gateway for every single abused person: "I think I might be being abused but I'm not sure... can you help me?"

Ask. It's not the end of the world... quite the opposite.

Peace - Pteryxx

I haven't been on FA in far too long, and I am not sure what will happen next, but tonight I need the honest advice of people who respect animals and know what they mean to us. If you wish to read on I deeply appreciate your attention.

Four months ago my mom moved to a new condo and I with her. I was informed that our two cats are not welcome in the new place. So rather than let my parents get rid of them with no notice, I've kept them at an old house used mostly for storage, two hundred miles away, and visited them on the weekends. It's a good sized house, two stories, full of boxes to play on and windows looking out on passing deer and rabbits; but I am leaving these animals who trust me alone for five or six days out of every seven. On that one day a week, they are my constant companions as I sleep, wash or study.

Tonight my mom called and told me she's found a neighbor willing to take one cat; the younger and more playful one, which used to be mom's. My quieter nine-year-old cat, who is laying on my arms as I write this, was not mentioned. I am expected to bring the young cat back to Dallas tomorrow morning to give him away. I think my best option is to bring both of them and invite, or beg, this neighbor I've never met to take both my cats into her home...

...though it breaks my heart to lose them. This wouldn't be the first time my parents have forced me to give up something precious to me, and I still burn years later. If I give my cats away, the only creatures in my current life that accept me without reservation, I will probably regret it for a very long time. But I should not let my selfishness keep them from a better home than I can presently provide.

But if the neighbor does not want both my cats, then I have an even more painful decision to make:

- Do I give away the young cat and keep the older one alone in an empty house?

- Do I take back both cats to an empty house, and take away the young one's chance for a better life?

Or is there another solution that I am too angry, heartsick or dense to see?

You who love animals; what would you suggest I do?

---

I have the contact info now for two no-kill shelters within easy reach, with open hours tomorrow; and a list of a couple dozen more rescues all over the greater Dallas area. With any luck, my neighbor will take both cats and I won't need to use these contacts except to volunteer for them. Having heard from you, I feel a lot better about giving my cats away, along with being ashamed for keeping them this long; but better late than never, with lesson learned, I suppose.

---

Second edit: Things change. The situation wasn't what I was told, and I refused the ultimatum to get rid of the cats or else. So I'm now looking for another place to live; with luck, I can keep them with me properly this time. Both the cats are safe with a neighbor for now. In a few days I might have options.

Near midnight, back from AC which was beyond anything I'd expected. I've been to bigger events, but none with such an overriding churn of community... furs gathered on the balconies, strolling down city streets, hanging out in front of the Westin and filling all the nearby restaurants. I was hugged and appreciated and told I was awesome more than ever in my life, yet this was nothing unusual or even remarkable. It's just the way we roll.

It was strange to leave behind streets I'd walked, landmarks I'd come to know, now filled with Monday morning business suits armed with coffee and briefcases and the right kind of tie. They cluster at the crosswalks just like we did, but carefully, formally ignoring each other and keeping polite and blank faces. At the airport I'd note the odd person among the crowds, the one dressed just a little too casual, a little too geeky, and wonder if he had been "one of us" a few hours previously.

But Pittsburgh still has a few small reminders of our presence, written on dusty windows of the streets we so recently made our own. Smiling cat faces, "AC '09" and "Furries Rule!" marked unnoticed where the working crowds must pass them, at least until the next rain washes them away.

I'm now safely ensconced in a cheap little hotel by the Pittsburgh airport, right next to the adult bookstore. Travelling went flawlessly, amazingly enough, and it's been a day remarkable for many small smoothnesses:

The past four figure drawing classes have been all but torture for me. Apparently it's very difficult for someone as faceblind and probably Aspie as I am to stare so intensely at a live human being. Last week was the first time I actually made it through the two hour class without breaking; this morning, it simply wasn't an issue. Humans are still technically challenging but no longer terrifying to draw. That's a major, major stumbling block now removed from my course of progress.

While waiting at the gate at DFW, I tested out this new lack of fear by speed-sketching other passengers. I drew the father of a family in front of me, whose girls were clambering on the lower bars of those supports here, and gave it to the youngest girl; but the parents liked it so much that they carefully saved it away, much to my surprise. The kids were still cheerfully going through my portfolio when the boarding call came.

The Midwest plane was small, with only two seats per row on each side; but they were roomy leather seats with huge cargo spaces, and we even got free chocolate-chip cookies still warm from being baked inflight. During the brief layover in Milwaukee, we all had to haul our bags to catch our next flight... from the gate immediately next to ours, all of forty feet away. And the second leg of the trip was in an identical, comfy, near-empty plane, and also had free cookies, still warm.

The airport shuttle picked us up 15 minutes early, because the driver happened to be nearby when the call came through, and we strangers from Dallas and Tucson and Pittsburgh natives chatted and laughed together; and there's a source of 24-hour fresh hot food right across the street from this hotel.

My window's wide open to the cool night air, as I haven't been able to do in Dallas since early May. There's a gibbous moon flashing through broken blowing clouds. When our plane wheeled over downtown Pittsburgh (shining like a Google map done in jewels on black cloth) it lifted its wing to the moon for a moment, as if in salute. I didn't notice that I was softly singing.

First pic along the way is here. I'll move them to scraps eventually.

Yes! I'm psyched.

On Wednesday night, pre-pre-con, we get to visit Anthrocon's charity, the Wildlife Center of the Animal Rescue League of Western Pennsylvania. We get to actually meet some of the animals and see the facility we're supporting... and I'm looking forward to watching the expressions on everyone's faces as they interact with our alien kin. So I invited Sil...


Spackle: Wednesday evening wildlife center outing... want to go?
Silver: Do we get to bring some home?
Spackle: Well, they do say they'll provide snacks...
Silver: Wee!
Silver: Though, they didn't say for us...

Tomorrow I'll be heading out to THE EVENT that everyone's sick of hearing about. At the moment I'm trying to remember everything I need to do, say and bring... that, and that, and this, and one of those, where was I again... Socks! Right!

Answers to implied questions:

-From Dallas TX.
-Thursday afternoon with a little time for reconnaissance.
-In the Artist Alley, with luck.
-Strange custom creatures, mutated things, and black or white or invisible badges; leaning towards feral, and learning towards humanlike.
-I'm willing to take homework but I'd rather paypal it.
-Likely hanging out with farellemoon and/or razzek but no specific plans.
-Yes, and I can update from my phone: Pteryxx
-I startle easily when touched; warn me first plz.
-Neither taken nor looking. I just flirt to keep my hand in.
-Not without a parachute.
-Sushi, definitely sushi. And chocolate. And anything with gnawable bones.
-Anatomy and physiology, comparative anatomy, intro to drawing, and figure drawing when I can stand it.
-Mostly defenders and support classes with one level 50.
-Watching "LA Story", which I highly recommend to anyone patient, thoughtful, and odd.
-Only without a parachute.
-I have become pure water; I have my sword at my side.


See you there.

---

End of LA Story: (very beautiful spoiler)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GOGGmhmp5ds

I just found Kristine Kathryn Rusch's "Freelancer's Survival Guide" posts on her blog. Currently she's on part III of her section on financial literacy, basic business sense and how to monitor cashflow.

"Most of us, however, got haphazard money management training at home. My ex-husband, for example, got an allowance. But when it ran out, his mother would just hand him a $20 to cover whatever he needed. By the time I met him, he didn’t realize that money was a finite commodity."

She's writing the section in hopes that her readers won't have to learn their lessons the hard way. Definitely worth serious study... and a donation or two tossed to her PayPal button.

Part Three

"We are only discussing the income that comes into your business, not the income that comes into your household. For many freelancers, that’s a tough distinction. Early on in freelancing, the money you made at your part-time work was bonus money, used to splurge on dinner or perhaps buy a nice pair of diamond earrings for the wife.

I would hope that before you became a fulltime freelancer, you learned how to separate your freelance income from your belief that it’s all bonus money and yours for the taking.

If not, you’re already in a world of hurt, and probably don’t even realize it."

---

QOTD:
Sil: I got a spam email from the "Largest CoX Store!"
Shieva: They must know you need one.

This is a tale from a Scienceblogs writer about his remote African study site, a rabid dog, and unorthodox, life and death storytelling...

The dog disappeared into the forest never to be seen again. The people who were bitten were not concerned because the bites were minor. Rabies, it turns out, was not a disease on the consciousness of the people living here. Grinker and I spent a long time, gathering elders and other influential individuals together, showing them medical books, explaining the nature of the disease, trying to convince the community to convince these six people that they were in danger and that we needed to do something to save them...

Attack of the Hound of Malembi

Gave me chills.

I hear it's possible that folks may actually be interested in what goes on in my life - so I've drawn my first card in the YouTwitFace social networking trifecta. I'm on Twitter! With luck the 140-character limit should keep me from attempting massive crosslinked essays or OCD'ing on making every little thing just perfect; but I can still post announcements, random fun items I come across, and tracking alerts at conventions. It's the ideal platform for someone with ADD, heh.

http://twitter.com/Pteryxx


QOTD: alchera "Oh, and I spank Twinkies."

Song: Supertramp "Take the Long Way Home"

farellemoon introduced me to Chipotle restaurants because they're reliably gluten-free, which is important to her. They have good simple Mexi-food without gobs of salt or fake flavoring (which is important to *me*) and are cheap, which is important to both of us. ; > She's taught me to scout for the nearest Chipotle to any convention, so I'm now developing a Chipotle-radar sense... at the location I'll likely be moving to in August, I've already scouted the closest vet, pet supply store, grocery, Staples, and Chipotle.

Last week, talk radio hosts on KRXQ in Sacramento broadcast a show slamming transgender children. From HuffPo:

For his part, States bragged that if his own son were to ever dare put on a pair of high heels, States would beat his son with one of his own shoes. He urged parents whose own little boys expressed a desire to wear a dress to verbally abuse and degrade them as a viable response. "Because you know what? Boys don't wear high heel shoes. And in my house, they definitely don't wear high heels.

"I'm going to go, 'You know what? You're a little idiot! You little dumbass!'" States sneered, adding later, "I look forward to when [the transgender children] go out into society and society beats them down. And they wind up in therapy."

GLAAD posted a call to action, requesting an apology. A station manager responded "Did they do anything wrong? If you're a regular listener, the answer is no." The hosts themselves on Wednesday morning said "Some people do laugh and they realize we're not serious."

Chipotle responded by pulling their support from KRXQ. They were alerted by customers and quickly cost the station a year's worth of advertising. Before I started assembling this journal, I wrote to thank them for acting, and they'd sent me a personal response within half an hour.

I really wasn't expecting any major advertiser to actually pull their funding. Protest campaigns happen all the time and we're used to being ignored whenever money is involved. It'll take a lot more than this to change our society, but I credit Chipotle for taking a stand.

This afternoon, Dr Pepper-Snapple became the second company to pull their advertising, which also impresses me because Dr Pepper is based in Plano, Texas and is THE traditional soft drink of the South. This region isn't exactly known for its tolerance of nontraditional gender roles.

So next time you pass a Chipotle Mexican Grill, consider ramping up your impulse buying a little bit.


Huffington Post article

GLAAD blog report

GLAAD's report on Snapple and Chipotle pulling advertising

Edit: The offending show's been removed from the archive. Transcripts of some of the remarks are in this blog: linky

Edit: And Sonic's the latest company to pull their funding, yay!

Bob Basset mostly crafts steampunk-style masks from leather. His livejournal's full of photos. Here's his latest, a set of leather paw-shoes.

LJ link

Via boingboing.

(edit) And now he's posted paw *gloves* to go with them...

Site link

Bioephemera just pointed out some beautiful black-and-white work by Takashi Okada:

Crow 1

And these Flash animations:

Eternal Flowers

Time doesn't stop

I'd favorite them if I could.

"If there was one thing the ‘90s were all about it was, inexplicably, anthropomorphized animals that were in some way “radical.” It all started with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, but it quickly and rapidly devolved from there, until most children’s television was naught but horrifically mutated animals skateboarding on pizza. Here are the worst offenders..."

Original article on atom.com

If you can make it all the way to the end of "The Five Most Bizarre Ninja Turtle Ripoffs of the 90's", you'll be rewarded with probably the most passionate rocking theme song for a lame kiddie show ever... "Extreme Dinosaurs".

...Or you could skip straight to that part. *cough*

Extreme Dinosaurs theme on Youtube

And as long as we're discussing the awesomeness of dinosaurs, here's a Scienceblogs article suggesting that since avians, turtles, crocodilians, and Komodo dragons have all been observed to play, it's a good reason to think dinosaurs played as well.

Dinosaurs come out to play

Check out Andrea Cau's adorable Deinonychus family drawing from comments!

linky to jpeg

I've said goodbye to Razz and Farelle, Tri and Otter, driven across 2.5 states, and slept the night in the place where my stuff is. I'll still drive four hours to Dallas today, but basically I'm back from RCFM... back to the everyday life where people conform and I'm the different one.

Last week I talked with a friend about what "home" was... it's an easy word, one of the first we learn, somewhere between "cat" and "No!" Anyone who's lost a home, or returned to one after a long absence, knows how powerful the attachment to a place can be; yet a place is not a home. Our belongings, tools and toys and souvenirs, are parts of our selves that hurt to lose, but just having our stuff in a place doesn't make it a home. Our trusted communities can give us security and strength; yet oftener than we'd like to admit, our churches or schools, families or lovers can betray us and make horrors of our lives.

Yet we'll make a place special by being there, by filling the space between the four walls with meaning and individuality. The church is filled with wedding guests, the cubicle with children's drawings, the corner table with laughing friends, the empty arena with roaring fans waiting for the first skate blade to touch fresh ice.

For a few days, we occupied a series of rooms (really good ones to be sure) filled by many events and guests before us, and which will see many more after we leave. In these rooms, we hugged and laughed and annoyed each other, made art and money and weird faces and cried on shoulders. I'm writing this under a roof that none of you have ever seen, but I'm not alone here, and neither are you. I carry my silver pencil everywhere to remind me that whatever else happens, as the movie says: I'm an artist, and I'm pretty proud of it.


WE3: "Home is run no more."

Song: Freuer "Doot Doot"

Pics from RCFM are mostly in my scraps starting here with a few more to come tonight.


ModernFelvet's journal on signs of abuse

youarenotcrazy site on learning to deal with emotional abuse

NYT article on the !Kung people's use of storytelling to survive harsh conditions.

"It may also have played a role in the development of culture. People who made exquisite gifts and told enthralling stories would have been more successful in maintaining relationships. They might have been the ones who would have had better opportunities for survival and to pass their genes onto the next generation."


-Peace, Pteryxx

It's the season of new life, color and mud, when dead sticks unfold tender new leaves and the air feels like the life-sustaining ocean it is, instead of scraping the breath out of lungs.

Easter will be celebrated this weekend with church services, painted egg hunts, chocolates and Peeps and cakes featuring cute fluffy ... uh...

Cakewrecks blog

ANYWAY!

I'm recovering from a near-miss with pneumonia, just in time for the Stanley Cup playoffs and a new season of Deadliest Catch, and the advent of the Mission Architect in City of Heroes. Life is good.

Ganked from the journal page of frogsbreath here : Beautiful video of a largely-unknown octopus species, captured serendipitously by a maintenance ROV.

http://deepseanews.com/2009/03/tgif.....isted-octopus/

It resembles an octopus around the head end, but it's trailing a tremendous long veil patterned with leaves and eyespots. At the end of the video, part of the veil is dropped, apparently as a defense mechanism, and the arms flare out more of the veil like wings and shade its color to red in a warning display.

According to tolweb, the young collect the stinging tentacles of the man o' war and wear them for further defense.

There are more things in heav'n and earth...

In case anyone wanted the actual reference and photos for the insect mating equipment I mentioned during the panel. Yes, seed beetles make do with organic morningstars:

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/.....als/index.html


Ironic that the ad immediately above says, "If you love animals, please help free them from cruelty." . . .

Best quotes from Pharyngula comments include:

"Morningstar goes WHERE?!" -Benjamin Geiger

"Me so thorny." -Rodger TNZ

And from Masks of Eris:

"First thought: (incoherent panicky gibbering)

"Second thought: I wonder if this counts as Rule 34?

"Third thought: I can't believe I just thought that."

slug is calling for giftart to raise the spirits of a friend. For his birthday March 17, she's asked for contributions inspired by the theme "Anything is Possible." Note this family is civilians, not furries, so this needs to be kept publicly acceptable. For details see her journal:

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/647051/

The most I can do is repost it here, and set my weapon to paper.

In which Big Mama Nature proves once again that our imaginations got nothing on her. Exhibit A: The barreleye.

When you first look at this photo, you may think the two small ovals above and behind its mouth are the eyes, and that it looks rather sad…wrong. Those are its nostrils. The eyes are actually the two strange fluorescent green objects that look like they are imbedded in its transparent, dome-like head.

http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/.....-eyed_fish.php

Barrel shaped eyes. Which swivel like telescopes. Inside a transparent skull! None of us ever thought of that one, did we? This deep-sea fish hunts fluorescent, stinging jellies. Apparently it has the gunsight eyes to home in on its prey, and the gunner's bubble to protect said eyes from the ouchies. Absoflutely brilliant.

Because even I can't misplace my own journal. Probably.

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With the one space removed...

:icon username: =>  Pteryxx
:username icon: =>
:link username: => Pteryxx

(without spaces) [ url=http://www. furaffinity.net/user/pteryxx]Pteryxx's page[/url] --> Pteryxx's page


FA formatting cheatsheet thanks to yak :

Text formatting

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