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SWITCHING ACCOUNTS
Posted 12 years agoAfter all that has gone on in my life in the last little while I have decided to switch accounts, incase anyone wanted to watch me again that is/
This will be kept as a commission account when my skills are good enough, which is most certainly not now. I do requests so if you want me send my other account
socialmediazombie a note with your ref and I'll see what I can do, I'll hardly ever pass up a chance to better my art.
All things for now are being switched to my other account, so basically this account is dead, for now.
So please please please go watch me here socialmediazombie and maybe get a request or give me tips or whatever thanks!
This will be kept as a commission account when my skills are good enough, which is most certainly not now. I do requests so if you want me send my other account
socialmediazombie a note with your ref and I'll see what I can do, I'll hardly ever pass up a chance to better my art.All things for now are being switched to my other account, so basically this account is dead, for now.
So please please please go watch me here
socialmediazombie and maybe get a request or give me tips or whatever thanks!No Subject
Posted 12 years agoHey, I'm feeling tired,
My time, is gone today,
You flirt with suicide,
Sometimes, that's okay,
Hear what others say, I'm here standing hollow,
Falling away from me,
Falling away from me.
Day, is here fading,
That's when, I would say,
I flirt with suicide,
Sometimes kills the pain,
I can always say,
It's gonna be better tomorrow,
Falling away from me,
Falling away from me.
Beating me down,
Beating me, beating me,
Down, down,
Into the ground.
(Falling away from me),
It's spinning round and round,
(Falling away from me),
It's lost and can't be found,
(Falling away from me)
It's spinning round and round,
(Falling away from me),
So down.
Beating me down,
Beating me, beating me,
Down, down,
Into the ground,
Screaming some sound,
Beating me, beating me,
Down, down,
Into the ground.
Pressing me, they won't go away,
So I pray, go away.
It's falling away from me.
Beating me down,
Beating me, beating me,
Down, down,
Into the ground,
Screaming some sound,
Beating me, beating me,
Down, down,
Into the ground.
My time, is gone today,
You flirt with suicide,
Sometimes, that's okay,
Hear what others say, I'm here standing hollow,
Falling away from me,
Falling away from me.
Day, is here fading,
That's when, I would say,
I flirt with suicide,
Sometimes kills the pain,
I can always say,
It's gonna be better tomorrow,
Falling away from me,
Falling away from me.
Beating me down,
Beating me, beating me,
Down, down,
Into the ground.
(Falling away from me),
It's spinning round and round,
(Falling away from me),
It's lost and can't be found,
(Falling away from me)
It's spinning round and round,
(Falling away from me),
So down.
Beating me down,
Beating me, beating me,
Down, down,
Into the ground,
Screaming some sound,
Beating me, beating me,
Down, down,
Into the ground.
Pressing me, they won't go away,
So I pray, go away.
It's falling away from me.
Beating me down,
Beating me, beating me,
Down, down,
Into the ground,
Screaming some sound,
Beating me, beating me,
Down, down,
Into the ground.
She left us..
Posted 12 years agoNanny passed away this morning..my grandpy and mum left the room and when they came back she had passed. I'm not sure how to feel, my chest feels empty but I feel relief..I was able to say goodbye before they removed her from the house..
The next little while will have ups and downs..
The next little while will have ups and downs..
Nanny, just a vent..
Posted 12 years agoA couple days ago (or at least it feels like a couple..) the nurse came to my mums house and gave her sedatives for my nanny, she's been speaking gibberish (or at least that's what it sounds like now) and is constantly clenching her fists, moving around uncomfortable or just borderline flailing. It took two doses of the sedative for it to even effect her which was a little upsetting because I was hoping it would work from the first dose..
The last thing she's tried to tell me was to remember she loves me..and she couldn't even get love out before she started losing her voice and it got garbled..but I knew what she was trying to say and I held her hand and said I'd never forget, that she's the best nanny I've ever had and that seemed to calm her some..
The nurse has told us she is almost always in REM sleep now, even when she starts flailing around. She only wakes up for a short time before she falls back into it again.
I am always tired...I sleep for at least 12 hours, I never want to get out of bed no matter how early I get up. When I am up I just feel like a zombie and like life is going on and I'm just drifting through it.
My mum has only cried in front of me once, and I guess I'm the only person she's let her defenses down with. She's been put through a lot of shit but she is a very strong person and I love her so much..when my nanny passes it will be hard on everyone but I know it will hurt my mum a lot more because she's been taking care of her and has seen her quick decline.
My mum says she thinks she will pass away tonight or tomorrow, I am relieved and very hurt...my nanny told me when I was a child not to cry when she dies, she wants too. That was at least 12 years ago...I know she will be at peace and no longer suffering, but she is a huge part of me..I feel like if she dies, a part of me will die along side her...a huge role model in my life will be gone forever..I'll have no one to talk too and share our memories with..because no one else will remember them..
It will hurt for a long time..but no one lives forever, even the people you wish did..someday I will pass away too, and that scares me..but maybe when my time comes...I'll be strong and go onto the other side with no fear..I'll never forget she loved me, and I will never forget our memories.
The last thing she's tried to tell me was to remember she loves me..and she couldn't even get love out before she started losing her voice and it got garbled..but I knew what she was trying to say and I held her hand and said I'd never forget, that she's the best nanny I've ever had and that seemed to calm her some..
The nurse has told us she is almost always in REM sleep now, even when she starts flailing around. She only wakes up for a short time before she falls back into it again.
I am always tired...I sleep for at least 12 hours, I never want to get out of bed no matter how early I get up. When I am up I just feel like a zombie and like life is going on and I'm just drifting through it.
My mum has only cried in front of me once, and I guess I'm the only person she's let her defenses down with. She's been put through a lot of shit but she is a very strong person and I love her so much..when my nanny passes it will be hard on everyone but I know it will hurt my mum a lot more because she's been taking care of her and has seen her quick decline.
My mum says she thinks she will pass away tonight or tomorrow, I am relieved and very hurt...my nanny told me when I was a child not to cry when she dies, she wants too. That was at least 12 years ago...I know she will be at peace and no longer suffering, but she is a huge part of me..I feel like if she dies, a part of me will die along side her...a huge role model in my life will be gone forever..I'll have no one to talk too and share our memories with..because no one else will remember them..
It will hurt for a long time..but no one lives forever, even the people you wish did..someday I will pass away too, and that scares me..but maybe when my time comes...I'll be strong and go onto the other side with no fear..I'll never forget she loved me, and I will never forget our memories.
I don't know...[Warning, very sad.]
Posted 12 years agoI don't really know why I'm posting this here..but I just kind of want to get my emotions out and I'm on here..I'll probably end up deleting this later.
For the past month my nanny has been staying with us, she's 91 and very feeble and she just could not take care of herself anymore, she would hide her medication in a bucket and never take them, her legs filled up with liquid and it started oozing out of her pores so she was admitted to hospital where my mum took her into our home shortly after because my nanny hates hospital and I've been helping her as best I can when needed. She got sick a couple weeks ago and just never recovered and since then she has deteriorated at such a fast rate that I barely even recognize her anymore..
Last Tuesday I also found out she had mini stroke and since then has been unable to get out of bed or even do simple things like drink water..A nurse came in and hooked her up to oxygen and gave her a catheter.
She has forgotten who I am, and gets information wrong that she knew just a week ago.
Her Doctor came to see her last night and we were informed that she has 72 hours roughly left to live...they've taken her off all her medication except for pills to help her lungs not fill up with fluid and so she can deal with the anxiety when it starts getting harder to breath.. She always told me when I was a child not to cry when she passes on, it's what she wants and to just be happy..The truth is, I am happy. I know now she won't be suffering for much longer...but the fact that she is a mere days from being gone forever scares me and I don't know what I'll do without her..She's my nanny and I'm her little girl, I did no wrong in her eyes and she always stood by my choices even if she found they were stupid.
In her time with us, she has fought with everyone else and just talks to me and asks me for help...I am her little girl.
I just can't imagine life without her...but seeing how sick and feeble she is..I want her to be comfortable and at peace..everyone is telling me not to think about the bad when she passes, but in all honesty, there is no bad with her..when I think of her I mostly think about the woman I remember as a child, not the sick tired woman I see before me today..All I have is fond memories and those memories will hurt for awhile but in the future they will give me comfort..
I love you nanny, I hope you are at peace soon