HEYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

YEAH GUYS

I AM BACK AND MORE READY TO DRAW SOMETIMES MORE THAN EVER!!!!!!
I have been changing for the better and getting all the help I need and PRAISE JESUS for His hand in my life!

I'd go into more details buuuut.......

I plan on drawing more and changing up and YEYEYEYEYEYEYE


Love you all <3

(THIS IS NOT TOWARDS MY GOOD LOYAL FELLOW FOLLOWERS)
As stated on my shout, don't bother trying to contact me here
You're legit wasting your time
Because this account is dead and I have abandoned it lol


You guys need to learn both sides before coming with conclusions
Also they are bringing up invalid info from 5 years ago
Believe me or not, I don't care
<3

I am not the perfect person
perfect woman
perfect girl
perfect daughter
perfect friend
perfect sister
perfect cousin
perfect Christian



But remember me for the good I brought, not for the mistakes I already knew I made

I'm so tired of crying

That's all I have been feeling. Nothing but sadness, ain, heart break, despair. And I don't know why. I haven't witnissed anything tragic but I feel hurt and sorry for things and I just dont underSTAND

I talked to my mom this morning and she has agreed to let me talk to someone about this, my feelings are nothing but sadness and some little peaks of happiness. I NEED professional help. I know I do. I don't want to feel like this anymore.

This is the 4th night in a row this week I have cried in my bed for the longest time.

I need help

and i dont know how to get it i barely know how to ask for help.

i just need somebody


anybody

Hello everyone~

I have come back to give you all an update on what's been going on.

I haven't been doing my best tbh. My mental health has literally gone down hill, but I'm recovering. I went out of town with my family a couple days ago so that was fun. Currently on Springbreak and will be going back to school next Monday.

Also, probably going to be making a new account as well since the name qynzu doesn't suit me anymore. Old name of an old character that will never be brought up again. though don't keep your hopes up. Still have a lot of stuff that needs to get done and such so yeah.

School has really been kicking me in the ass, but I'm surviving. Got a D in college euro and I'm bringing that up slowly but surely. My parents are more concerned about my mental health and are happy that I have tried. they understand that this class is complicated since it is indeed an actual college class, so they aren't at all upset about that. "You fail, you go out trying your best," is what my mom had said. So, even if I fail, I'm not at all worried, because I know I had tried and my parents are already proud of me because of it.

Gotta get a book review, a chapter activity and some studying done all through this week, so more like a Spring-work make up. Also have like 2 commissions that still need to get done, not to mention 5 other art trades.

I'll continue making life updates as much as I can guys. I'm a very busy person with a lot of important matters to be dealt with.

Talk To You All Soon~ <3

I never thought I would say this but it is my duty.

I am going to leave a furry fandom. The drama I am enduring, on my instagram I am being called a TRACER.
Not only that, but there's a lot of other bs going on and I have enough to deal with already.

It hurts to say that I will be leaving, and a possibility of no return. I may come on every so often and give you all life updates.

It's just so stressful and I need to really worry about my schooling.

I'm sorry guys, I am really, really sorry. But I need to really take good care of myself mentally and physically and all this stress of media isn't helping me at all.

I love you guys, and hope to speak to you again sometime soon. Farewell.

sorry lovelies, but I'm going on a hiatus

I really dont have any inspiration to post on here nor do I have a clean gallery.
Everything will be deleted
and yeah


see you guys whenever

i really do
my bed is covered in them. they're so soft, squishy and huggable and they keep me cool and i like that.

at home i always have a pillow or a stuffed animal with me in my arms or under my legs, or you know, whatever

if i could have anything it would be all the pillows and stuffed animals in the world ok ay

oof

im playing tic tac toe with pinkie pie because i am having a panic attack and staying at home tomorrow because some one decided to threaten on snapchat to shoot down my school and im so scared for my schoolmates


wtf is wrong with people i just why?????????

i dont want to mooch but i just want number 6
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/26445347/

and im broke and aaa

whoever buys that for me will recieve 2 full bodies of any characters for free

please, i am asking, i just want number 6

guys i seriously think i know what is wrong with me. i know a doctor should be the one to diagnose me but uM

ive been doing a LOT of research on bipolar depression and PSTD and even have taken tests, tests made by psycologists and doctors for others to take and im pretty sure i have bipolar depression.

im never 100% depressed all the time, i go through a mania episode where i feel good that only lasts for a couple of days if that. then i go back into a stage where i am sad, hopeless, emotionless, and suicidal. not only that, but my mind isalways ALWAYS running and ditracts me everyday. shit i dont want to ever think about yet pop up in my head.

call me a crazy church lady all you want, but i feel like the devil tells me that God doesn't love me and that i should leave Him. i really do tbh. but i have to keep fighting,

do know that when i say i feel suicidal that im not gonna kill myself, i just crave to die and it sounds great. i know not to do so but the thought of dying and not having to suffer in this fucked up place we call society sounds amazing.

im trying to hang in there but for fucks sakes when will it end? God Bless everyone of you that have to face this, it honestly sucks very bad. i dont even know why i am ever depressed. but i just feel so empty lost and hopeless.

i know i need help but how am i going to tell my mom???? "Oh, Hey mom, i think i have depression and haven't told u in 2 years, think i can get help>??"

it just won't work like that


someone suggest something please i-i

i am going to lose my gosh darn mind and im afraid i will react irrationally and i really dont want that.

lel







IM OVER IT

i might keep posting life updates, just so you all know i am okay and alive.

i feel like my account is so dead and i hate it but im trying guys.

im trying.

so, maybe if i can try ill like write once a day if not a couple times a week to tell you all about my day so yee.



im going to to sleepy by, good night


God Bless you all~!!!!

aaaa


im so tired and think im getting sick

i got a hurting stuffy nose, i feel so drowsy and just arghhhhh


i have a couple of tests tomorrow so yay i guess

but im a bit nervous and such so eeeee



im not feeling my best and am on another bout of depression so, lack of posts on here so dddddd


i just want to feel better, it truly hasnt been a good couple of days omg im so tired and feel awful

i just wish i could graduate already ;-; high school is so much work. that or because i was stupid and took on advanced classes

never am i ever going to do so much at one time i mean wtf i barely have anytime to draw anymore it sucks it honestly sucks.

my mom is worried about my health more than my grades and just wants me to get better. though i refuse to stay at home because i know if i miss just one day ill have so much stuff to catch up on unu

its like 9:07 PM atm and i might go to bed here in a couple, after my dad gets home and have to fix him his stuff so.




just so tired, and ready for summer break or graduation.

but im lazy ;-;







gotta stop procrastinating oof

life is good
life is nice

lets hope it stays that way ; v;


kindof bored atm n i dont like it, but hey, more time to do art :D

Personal, non personal, idc i just want to do something im bored

1/26/2018 - 8:43: 25 AM

Who is your hero?/ God
If you could live anywhere, where would it be?/ Anywhere that's warm
What is your biggest fear?/ Losing everyone i love
What is your favorite family vacation?/ just being at home tbh... that or jut going out
What would you change about yourself if you could?/ nah man, i love myself
What really makes you angry?/ KNOW IT ALLS
What motivates you to work hard?/ i dont want to be forced on the streets and i really hate failing with a passion
What is your favorite thing about your career?/ i dont have one yet but i want to be a Zoologist
What is your biggest complaint about your job?/ bREATHING that shit gets annoying and idk y
What is your proudest accomplishment?/ IM ACTUALLY STICKING WITH A FURSONA FOR ONCE
What is your child's proudest accomplishment?/ i dont think i have children
What is your favorite book to read?/ WARRIORS
What makes you laugh the most?/ literally anything im not even joking
What was the last movie you went to? What did you think?/ i think i went and saw the new jungle book... i really loved it oml it was so good
What did you want to be when you were small?/ do birds turn into squirrels or do squirrels turn into birds
What does your child want to be when he/she grows up?/ i dONT HAvE chILDrEn
If you could choose to do anything for a day, what would it be?/ DRAW AND MUSIC and fly
What is your favorite game or sport to watch and play?/ i dont like sports nor tv that much
Would you rather ride a bike, ride a horse, or drive a car?/ HORSEYYYY
What would you sing at Karaoke night?/ gooey by glass animals ahdijashj
What two radio stations do you listen to in the car the most? i dont get to choose tbh but my mom listens to rock an i love rock
Which would you rather do: wash dishes, mow the lawn, clean the bathroom, or vacuum the house?/ PPFFFt i vaccuum everyday lets go
If you could hire someone to help you, would it be with cleaning, cooking, or yard work?/ cleaning
If you could only eat one meal for the rest of your life, what would it be?/ chinese foods
Who is your favorite author?/ Erin hunter, Alexandra Elle
26. Have you ever had a nickname? What is it?/ Boo, My My, boo butt (dont call me any of those i will feed you to my piranhas)
27. Do you like or dislike surprises? Why or why not?/ i always seem to guess my surprises like no joke
28. In the evening, would you rather play a game, visit a relative, watch a movie, or read?/ i want to visit a new relative :D
29. Would you rather vacation in Hawaii or Alaska, and why?/ my back hurts
32. If money was no object, what would you do all day?/ cry tears of joy because no money no worries
33. If you could go back in time, what year would you travel to?/ 2009, it was the best year tbh
34. How would your friends describe you?/ creative, outgoing, kind, intelligent, helpful, iguess
35. What are your hobbies?/ drawing, writing, homework, drawing, drawing, studying, riding my bike, cooking, picking flowers and studying them, drawing, painting, drawing, drawing
36. What is the best gift you have been given?/ idk
37. What is the worst gift you have received?/ my brother hard bought me a 4 year old toy set when i was 10 years old
38. Aside from necessities, what one thing could you not go a day without?/ chocolate
39. List two pet peeves./ people taking my stuff without asking, people interupting me
40. Where do you see yourself in five years?/ being a commission artist while in a school trying to become a zoologist
41. How many pairs of shoes do you own?/ like 2 or 3
42. If you were a super-hero, what powers would you have?/ reading peoples minds because i want to know what people think about me and see if i could catch people in lies
43. What would you do if you won the lottery?/ put over half in a savings account for emergencies and use the rest a paying bills and just buying little bits of stuff idk
44. What form of public transportation do you prefer? (air, boat, train, bus, car, etc.)/ car
45. What's your favorite zoo animal?/ LIONS
46. If you could go back in time to change one thing, what would it be?/ i wish i hadnt done the stupid shit i had done to some people back in 2013. pretty sure i ruined someone tbh, even though we forgive eachother, i know i still had hurt them.
47. If you could share a meal with any 4 individuals, living or dead, who would they be?/ my aunt, my dad, and idc what the rules are, my whole family of dead and alive because WHY NOT. i want to talk to dead people
48. How many pillows do you sleep with?/ 8382650
49. What's the longest you've gone without sleep (and why)?/ 22 hours?? idfk
50. What's the tallest building you've been to the top in?/ this one building was like...... 30 or 50 stories idk
51. Would you rather trade intelligence for looks or looks for intelligence?/ intelligence because i dont want to be some dumb sexy blond. i dont want to be naive either so
52. How often do you buy clothes?/ every couple months or so
53. Have you ever had a secret admirer?/ idk and idc if i did , some little game probably
54. What's your favorite holiday?/ Easter! I love spring and i love the colors ; v;
55. What's the most daring thing you've ever done?/ lick a desk at school and regretted it within 2 weeks
56. What was the last thing you recorded on TV?/ I D O N T W A T C H T V
57. What was the last book you read?/ The Tragedy of Julius Casesar
58. What's your favorite type of foreign food?/ CHINESE BABU
59. Are you a clean or messy person?/ im horribly clean i dont like germy germs and i dont like a messy room
60. Who would you want to play you in a movie of your life?/ that girl who played Beatrice (Tris) prior in the divergent series
61. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? 10 minutes, im pretty fast and i am a morning person
62. What kitchen appliance do you use every day?/ spoons and forks
63. What's your favorite fast food chain?/ i really love mcdonalds crack fries
64. What's your favorite family recipe?/ food
65. Do you love or hate rollercoasters?/ i like ones that dont do the loopdeloop
66. What's your favorite family tradition?/ we dont have one but we have family outings every June so thats good
67. What is your favorite childhood memory?/ having a best friend but now i dont have any because people are anti social and they suck ass
68. What's your favorite movie?/ how to train your dragon
69. How old were you when you learned Santa wasn't real? How did you find out?/ i never believed in santa it just sounded so fake to me
70. Is your glass half full or half empty?/ my glass is in the sink at home
71. What's the craziest thing you’ve done in the name of love?/ ASK MY CRUSH OUT ( and now we're dating ;u;)
72. What three items would you take with you on a deserted island?/ a huge as jug of endless water, a huge ass titanium spear, and a fucking gigantic bag of endless food that doesnt spoil and doesnt need to be refrigerated.
73. What was your favorite subject in school?/ i sued to really love english but now i love math and science
74. What's the most unusual thing you've ever eaten? mixing mustard and ranch and dipping cheese puffs in it (its really good i swEarR)
75. Do you collect anything?/ rocks, buttons, feathers, shells
76. Is there anything you wished would come back into fashion?/ edgy ass flannel shit
77. Are you an introvert or an extrovert?/ im kindof both, if i really dont like something i will let you know, but usually i keep stuff to myself. dont like to hurt the snowflake homies.
78. Which of the five senses would you say is your strongest?/ my ears
79. Have you ever had a surprise party? (that was an actual surprise)/ kind of?? i mean my dad (when he was alive) and he took me out for a few hours and dad wouldnt let me go home and i cried then he did. and there was a huge party waiting for me in the front yard. i even got a surprise bearded dragon baby but it died a month alter and idk why. wow this was a long story lmao.
80. Are you related or distantly related to anyone famous?/ Andrew Jackson and Woodrow Wilson (2 presidents)
81. What do you do to keep fit?/ i exercise and tell myself im not fat
82. Does your family have a “motto” – spoken or unspoken?/ family comes first
83. If you were ruler of your own country what would be the first law you would introduce?/ thats a lot of pressure on me
84. Who was your favorite teacher in school and why?/ they're teachers they teach me then i go home.
85. What three things do you think of the most each day?/ "i wonder if my dad and aunt are watching over me?" "did i do something stupid at home?" "will i be able to draw tonight?"
86. If you had a warning label, what would yours say? "dont do it or die"
87. What song would you say best sums you up?/ believer by imagine dragons
88. What celebrity would you like to meet at Starbucks for a cup of coffee?/ i dont have one sry
89. Who was your first crush?/ this boy in 6th grade named tyler then i realized he was a dick then i didnt like him
90. What's the most interesting thing you can see out of your office or kitchen window?/ A HOUSE ( i hate the city)
91. On a scale of 1-10 how funny would you say you are?/ 7 or 8 ig idk its how people view me
92. Where do you see yourself in 10 years?/ WORKING and graduating college to get a degree in animal science or some shit while still being a comissioner artist.
93. What was your first job? cleaning a lady's house and actually getting paid. but i stopped working there because her house scared me.
94. If you could join any past or current music group which would you want to join?/ HOLLYWOOD UNDEAD
95. How many languages do you speak?/ 2, trying to learn a third
96. What is your favorite family holiday tradition?/ opening christmas presents 1 day early
97. Who is the most intelligent person you know?/ not a person but God
98. If you had to describe yourself as an animal, which one would it be?/ Cat because i come out when i want to and allow you to be social with me for a but then i dissapear. also i am a bitch at times for no reason and very observant.
99. What is one thing you will never do again? a lot of stuff
100. Who knows you the best?/ a friend of mine




djasnfjkbfjhsdhfhvafasbfh thanks for reading if you did

i really am tired of winter
weather is extremely bipolar and ccOLD

im so ready for spring and summer-!


brr

https://piineharvest.wixsite.com/mysite-1 <

---

Go check it out! I wanna see what you all think!

This was a lot of work to do tbh oml try about 3 or 4 hours of constructing

go follow this sweet person

they're really
c ool and sweet and they have some pretty decent art

hell they do art trades and requests
thats good for some of their good quality art my dudes


KTTHNXBYE

thank you

this calls for some champagne

*opens bottle*

why is my art not good enough


h HH hh

i want a deviantart
i really want a
deviantart