I’ve had an epiphany: My art has strayed too far from its original intent, that being speaking to mental health. I’m going to take a new direction towards the darker, more thought-provoking art I want to make, and what I’ve been making lately will go on the backburner.

The art I will be making will try to be more like Taxi Driver in tone - raw, vulgar, and at times uncomfortable - and if that’s not your thing then you’re welcome to turn away.

The warning has been provided, if you didn’t see it at first then that will be on you. I don’t want to make any more art that eats away at my creativity and soul. That’s all I have to say on the matter. Have a pleasant day.

Now that my health is back up enough to make more art, I finally got around to opening up a Patreon for my work: I’m still working on content to fill it with, namely the script to my webcomic I’m developing, but currently it has a portfolio of my art, and more importantly a readable copy of the novella I wrote and want to publish someday.

I look forward to seeing some of you there!

https://www.patreon.com/r3znor_x

I finally was able to set up a Bluesky account today, from here I will be using it instead of Twitter:

https://bsky.app/profile/r3znorx.bsky.social

This past week I had a near-death experience with an ulcer that I never knew I had, I had to get a transfusion to counteract just how much blood I lost and as of today I’m back from the hospital: I’m unable to eat certain types of food or take in caffeine for at least a very long time from now, meaning I won’t have nearly enough energy to make any substantial art for just as long, if I do attempt to it will no longer be within a few days, so for the time being my productivity will be at a snail’s pace to what it had been before, I have a lot to do to recover and cope with the experience…

I’ve begun to notice a trend with my work that is leaving me dissatisfied with its direction it’s taking: I’ve been moving into the direction of a simpler, cuter and overall easier art style that goes against what I originally set out to work towards but has developed specifically because it’s what gets the most attention out of my work across my social medias, which I’ve been justifying to myself as a necessary evil in order to accomplish my goal of developing a large enough following for when I finally start publishing the chapters of my webcomic.

I feel something I need to do in the near future is take a step back and reevaluate the choices I’ve been making with my art, to start from scratch and get back on track to working towards a grittier, dirtier art style that actively reflects what I want the most out of my art; the only issue is that I can’t at the moment, I’m preparing to move on Monday and after such I need to prioritize my queue which has gotten fuller than I’m used to, all I can make at the moment is art that’s smaller-scale, simpler and takes less time and focus to finish, and unfortunately that homogenous style I’ve found myself being boxed into fits perfectly into that criteria.

I want to break out of it as soon as humanly possible, but as time passes it seems like that opportunity is drifting further and further out of reach, at least for the time being…

A lot has been going on in my life as of late that has slowed down my productivity, but I’m hoping to power through it like I normally do to keep producing more art that people will enjoy:

The most notable development is the decline in my health, for weeks now I’ve been dealing with rapidly progressing symptoms of osteoarthritis throughout my body, most detrimentally in my ribs and spine: the pain has gotten to the point where I can hardly leave my bed for more than a half an hour most days and this past week I had suffered a flareup that sent me into shock; it’s been an uphill battle getting any sort of treatment for the pain and it’s severely sapped me of my focus and motivation as of late, but I’m hoping at some point I will be able to get the pain under control in a substantial way to keep my work going and not be lying in agony day-in and day-out.

Another development is that I’m going to be moving to a new apartment in the next month or so, which due to the aforementioned health issue is going to be more difficult than it ever has been before; the good thing at least is that the new apartment will potentially be a much healthier place for me to work than any of my prior homes, and if and when I do get my health under control I may be able to become more productive than I ever have been before, I just need to cross the hurdle of actually moving there to find out.

Lastly is an epiphany I’ve had recently about the following to my work: I’ve been noticing that even with my rapid improvement in my work I’m barely able to get any new eyes on my art most anywhere I post it, I’ve contacted artists I’ve made fanart recently and they even admit to me my art isn’t reaching them, usually due to the algorithm on sites like Twitter; I’m wanting to potentially break away from Twitter and find some better places to post my work, my main ideas for such being Newgrounds and Tumblr, though I’ll make the jump only after I’ve satisfied current obligations with my work.

I’ve got a lot I want to do to keep improving my art and an equal amount of obstacles to achieve that goal, only time will tell if I am successful at it. I appreciate what following I do have for my art, it’s genuinely one of the only things I have going well for me in my life and it inspires me to keep working on bettering my life overall, the least I can do is continue satisfying those that love my work so much.

I had moved away from this account for a while in an effort to prioritize other art accounts of mine, but I'm feeling it's high time I resurrect this page and start uploading again; I've made a lot of changes with my art and content style for the past while now, and I only intend to continue branching out with my work from here. I'm going to upload most of the work I had made since I last posted here, it'll be a bit of a dump but I'm hoping the art will be to peoples' liking.

Over the past two months I had gone through a lot of self-improvement - although there were many hiccups along the way and experiences I'd like to take back, I feel I'm still coming out of things a better person than before.

I hadn't voiced it outside of my friend group, but for years I've been dealing with issues with my self image, and for a while I began to think I would be happier if I weren't masculine; I went through many different attempts of satisfying my issues, and I found the sweet spot in being nonbinary. I feel presenting myself as such lifts a weight from my shoulders I've had since I was a child...

I have many plans for my art, such as practicing making animation model sheets and improving my techniques in ways I never attempted, and I'm hoping by next spring I will be able to finally get proper education towards such by returning to college, since almost every aspect of my development as an artist has been self-taught.

Unfortunately I've been declining in health for a while now, and what I'm experiencing has resulted in frequent fainting spells, of which will further put a damper on my work ethic; I'm hoping that at some point to get a full answer from a professional, but for the time being my only guess is that it might be neurocardiogenic or occupational syncope, with the worst case scenario being orthostatic hypotension caused by Parkinson's disease, which I'm worried I've been developing over the course of my life, which has merit to the fact I shake to the point of not being able to properly write on paper...

I'm hoping to be able to work more productively in the future once my fainting spells are sorted out, and I'm anticipating improving on my art to the point of working on professional projects as an occupation after college.

I've recently started working towards a new path in my life.

My mental health has been in decline as of late, thus I am needing to take the time to steer myself in the right direction. I've been moving to a temporary means of living where I can accomplish such a goal; I'm not sure if I need to completely put down the pen for such, but my workflow will be significantly impacted as I work on myself for the next several months. I specifically made my most recent piece in-between packing as both something to possibly leave off on for now as well as to finally put my issues with the original piece to rest, lest it nag me for the duration of my time spent focusing on myself rather than my work.

I'm very happy with what I've been able to accomplish with my art, but I realize my health comes first, and I hope those of you that care about my work will understand. Thank you for the support I've received since I started on my art early last year.

I've been taking a break from art for a little bit due to health concerns and medication changes ruining my ability to properly work on art; My normal art has been something I've already slowed down on due to working on practicing animation (which I post on my Twitter) and although I do wish to get back into making regular art on some level I'm still needing to work past this issue of my health, so it may be a little while more before I get back in the groove of my art...

Today I took it upon myself to make a Ko-fi for anyone interested in directly supporting me, it will play a much larger role when I get my animation projects off the ground.

Involving said projects, I'm primarily going to upload updates on such to my Twitter and soon enough my YouTube channel when I finally finish one or two; For now I suggest those interested should follow the former, since it's where I'm posting more often as of late.

I do hope to have a lot of progress on my works in the future, and with my recent sketches I hope to make quicker content for this account and my DeviantART in-between animating, as I don't have enough of a chance to make larger pieces at this point...

For now I will be focusing more on reading my new copy of The Illusion of Life, and I hope what I create in the future will be to peoples' liking.

For the past two and a half weeks I've been working diligently on a new project bigger than anything I've done as of yet, that being an animation. I've been teaching myself the process to make a solid-drawn animation of Ralsei using every animation technique I am capable of as a starting point, it's a lot of fun even if it's taking a lot longer than I anticipated; I'm hoping at some level it can be a portfolio piece for me to get into working in animation at some point, though since I don't know how to share the progress on FA I suggest those whom are interested enough can follow such through my Twitter.

I am very eager to see this project through, even if it may take me a couple more months to do so all on my own...

I feel I've taken a decent enough time to improve myself and I've started work on finishing my vent art series, which I'm hoping to have completed sometime this weekend;

During my absence I've had enough of a chance to develop this new character I expounded upon almost three weeks ago, and, once I've finished the final pieces of this series I will feel more than comfortable showing what I had created to not only represent this special individual in my life but reflect as much of a dichotomy with Derrik as Derrik has with The Ruiner, only in a more positive direction. I'm very happy to announce that I have many more ideas for art depicting Derrik with the new character that I will work in showing more sides to him as well as develop him more as his own character himself rather than just a reflection of my depression.

I thank those whom have been willing to wait through this month of relative inactivity, and I'm very much looking forward to the projects I have concepts for, especially as work to share based on how much I've done my best to improve as of late.

I've worried about how long it's been since I've been at work on my art for a bit now as well as the reason for such, which I hope to clarify in this journal: For the past two and a half weeks my medication I heavily rely on for regulating my many issues with mental health has failed me completely, and the soonest time I can even attempt to have it fixed is in the next week and a half.

I don't really like being so public about my mental health issues as much as it manifests in my art, but I realize it would be a detriment if I were to work on anything prominent during such a troubling time with my health, and believe me it's not stopped me from trying...

Hopefully by the end of the month I'll be able to finally move on to the last three pieces of my art series which I have been properly outlining the concepts for in the meantime; I still have plans to work on more positive work from then on unless entirely necessary for venting purposes, and due to relatively recently getting back together with someone very close to me I have ideas for a more positive counterpart to Derrik in the form of a character I modeled after and designed for that individual right before my medication had completely failed that I intend to use as a means of telling more positive stories for Derrik and flesh out this new character in the process.

As much as I have been radio silent for my own wellbeing, I'm still coming up with ideas for a lot more art to come, and I don't intend on giving up on my art anytime soon.

I feel it best to update about the current series of art I'm producing at the moment;

What I'm currently making is meant mainly for two things: letting out my emotional burdens through the creativity I have at my disposal and slowly improving the quality of my work to a more polished state.

I'm halfway through the ten-piece series of images that I've wanted to work on for so long up to this point, but the relative popularity surrounding the reference sheet of Jaqlin I've gotten across the platforms I use has not gone unnoticed.

I have ideas for an intricate piece surrounding her using everything I'm teaching myself as of right now in the form of a single-page mini comic depicting her life as an accountant.

I will hopefully be done with the current work soon enough and after a brief break to spend time with family I will get to working on Jaqlin's story; I've promised myself that for the time being once I'm done with this series project I will prioritize drawing Derrik far less unless I have a desperate need to utilize him in vent art, as he is in fact meant to be a vessel for my venting above all else.

I've found DeviantART to be the best alternative for me to use to FA, as it has far less egregious compression of my work from what I can see in comparison, at most minor artifacting on larger pieces. I will still be operating this account and uploading to it, but for better quality versions of my art you can now find it on my new DeviantART account linked at the bottom of my userpage.

For a while I've noticed that FA's image compression has a tendency to crush the darker palettes of my art into what looks like scan lines on an old television set; This is becoming an increasingly apparent issue, especially since I recently noticed my art is now being shared elsewhere in this lower quality. For the time being I'll be considering alternatives for a primary source for my work, but in that meantime I suggest checking the uploads on my Twitter rather than FA for better quality in my art.

Going to take another break from commissions for personal reasons. When I come back to such I will consider better prices for my rates, hopefully such will encourage more traffic.

I've relatively recently invested in a new tablet and software for my art, an XP-PEN Artist12 and Clip Studio Paint; I've also been getting much-needed help with my mental heath as well as working on bettering my environment myself, and in part because of such I am feeling up to opening my commissions once more.

I'm temporarily closing my commissions; I'm needing to take a break from social medias for the sake of my mental health, but in that time I will be doing what I can to continue my art. I will not let this setback impede me as an artist. I am thankful to those whom did commission me thus far, as the patronage really means more to me than the much-needed money...

Since I've been making headway in getting better with my health and energy as of late, I've decided to finally and properly set up my commissions page. Keep in mind I work on a system of queuing and fixed rates, with the only exception of the latter being reference sheets. If you have any questions please be sure to contact me first.

To add to my previous journal, I had gotten the appointment done a couple of days ago and they had still not found anything...

It's been pointed out to me that my inability to eat may be a stress issue, and with my current medication I'm unable to fully combat such efficiently enough, but I am trying nonetheless, and I've started eating again bit-by-bit.

I don't know how long it will be until I can make art I will want to share once more, but again it won't stop me from trying. I want to continue making pieces that people will enjoy, I don't want to get rusty...

I had been hesitant to make this my first journal entry, and I doubt most people will care to know, but for a while now I have been growing ill from a stomach issue leading to malnutrition; To say the least it's impacted my efforts to make art I'm comfortable sharing. As of writing this I'm not entirely confident in my abilities as an artist but am still doing my best to try, though to varying degrees of success; my latest piece is not the only one I've attempted as of late...

As of writing this, I'm currently waiting on an appointment to have my stomach looked at for the third time; I don't know how long it will be until I make another piece seeing as I'm easily exhaustible and don't have much faith in getting any answers tomorrow, but I'm not going to be abandoning my passion as an artist, I will keep trying.

I don't have much else to add to this other than thank you for taking the time to read this.