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The Jackalope Conspiracy
Posted 14 years agohttp://www.sudftw.com/jackcon.htm
Rise up, antlered lapines, and rally to stop the American government's oppression of the Jackalope people! For too long has our existence been passed off to the masses as a myth! Stand, Brother Jackalope, and make yourself heard!
^.^;
Rise up, antlered lapines, and rally to stop the American government's oppression of the Jackalope people! For too long has our existence been passed off to the masses as a myth! Stand, Brother Jackalope, and make yourself heard!
^.^;
Actually, I like this one...
Posted 14 years agoHappy Memorial day!
Americans, flags at half mast, kay?
Leaf
Americans, flags at half mast, kay?
Leaf
I haven't done a journal in a while, so, might as well....
Posted 14 years agoHere's an interesting topic to discuss -
If you were a boxer, and were offered 1,500 ... Dollars, pesos, euros, hay-pennies, schillings, coppers, wampum, or whatever the hell currency is called where you're from... Would you throw a fight?
(Although, 1500 pesos isn't really worth anything... And I guess, if we were talking Yen, that would be... Completely worthless... So I'm just gonna go with dollars.)
Some points to consider:
In favor of taking the fall -
-In general, there are two kinds of boxers.
Good boxers...
And Great boxers.
Anyone can be a good boxer... It just takes a bit of training. Once you learn to throw a punch, and to avoid getting hit, it's all pretty much cut and dry.
But great boxers are rare. These are your Arturo Gattis, your Mike Tysons, and you (best of all) Muhammad Alis. (Ali was fuggin' amazing.)
All boxers have a shelf life. That of even a great boxer can be short, and, as such, that of a simply good boxer is often minuscule. Would it not make sense to take every opportunity to make a few bucks while you have the chance?
- While we're on the financial aspect of the issue, let's discuss other business opportunities this presents. For example, gambling. Let's face it... People... Bet... On... Fights. This is a given. It can't be avoided.
When people bet on fights, as with any sport, they tend to put their money on the side that seems more likely to come out victorious. Betting on the underdog usually pays out more, but a bet on the favorite is, as a rule, safer. Now, which side is the underdog and which is the favorite is determined by statistics, or, as bookkeepers call them... Odds. It gets somewhat complicated, and I'm pretty slow with math, but the layman's version would be: Every fight you lose causes the odds to indicate that you're likely to lose again. Every time you win, the odds of you winning again are increased. So, basically, someone who wins a lot is going to be favored over someone who gets beaten all the time.
So, what I'm getting at is that throwing a few fights will cause the odds to show you as being an underdog. Since "risky" bets on the underdog pay out better than the "safer" bet on the favorite... You can then go to a bookie, and place a $100 bet on yourself to win the next fight! (Actually, you'd have to have someone place the wager for you... Betting on yourself is... Frowned upon.) If you win, you've just made... Potentially, a lot of money. If the odds are 3:1 against you, you've made $300, and if they're 10:1, you've turned over a cool grand. If you don't... You'll generally get at least the $100 just for showing up.
(Actually, if the odds are 10:1 against you, then you suck and probably won't win anyway)
- All that aside, the gist of the entire question here is, "Would you take a few punches in exchange for more money in one night than the average laborer makes in a month?" Business logic dictates that the answer is an emphatic "Yes."
- Yes, every argument in favor of taking the fall involves money, but then again, in a modern society, everything involves money.
Against Throwing the fight -
- One of the fist thoughts to pop into one's head when the subject of throwing a match enters the conversation is "Street cred." Or, maybe not those exact words. Perhaps it was "Career, honesty, honor, credo..." Whatever you call it, it's a matter of pride. Yes, the rewards for taking that fall are great, but is it worth having to know you threw the match?
- Illegal dealings, man. Generally, offers like this are given by corrupt bookkeepers, usually working for a bunch of gangsters out to fund their gangster shit. The offer is made because it screws with the odds, as well as allowing the bet to be rigged. It's frowned upon from many perspectives, and, in some cases, it's even illegal. Just... You really don't want to get tied up in that.
- Every single point made in favor of taking the fall centers around one thing and one thing only: GREED, asshole. Don't be greedy. Greedy people do very bad things. *nods sagely*
Anyway, that's about it. Thoughts?
Leaf
If you were a boxer, and were offered 1,500 ... Dollars, pesos, euros, hay-pennies, schillings, coppers, wampum, or whatever the hell currency is called where you're from... Would you throw a fight?
(Although, 1500 pesos isn't really worth anything... And I guess, if we were talking Yen, that would be... Completely worthless... So I'm just gonna go with dollars.)
Some points to consider:
In favor of taking the fall -
-In general, there are two kinds of boxers.
Good boxers...
And Great boxers.
Anyone can be a good boxer... It just takes a bit of training. Once you learn to throw a punch, and to avoid getting hit, it's all pretty much cut and dry.
But great boxers are rare. These are your Arturo Gattis, your Mike Tysons, and you (best of all) Muhammad Alis. (Ali was fuggin' amazing.)
All boxers have a shelf life. That of even a great boxer can be short, and, as such, that of a simply good boxer is often minuscule. Would it not make sense to take every opportunity to make a few bucks while you have the chance?
- While we're on the financial aspect of the issue, let's discuss other business opportunities this presents. For example, gambling. Let's face it... People... Bet... On... Fights. This is a given. It can't be avoided.
When people bet on fights, as with any sport, they tend to put their money on the side that seems more likely to come out victorious. Betting on the underdog usually pays out more, but a bet on the favorite is, as a rule, safer. Now, which side is the underdog and which is the favorite is determined by statistics, or, as bookkeepers call them... Odds. It gets somewhat complicated, and I'm pretty slow with math, but the layman's version would be: Every fight you lose causes the odds to indicate that you're likely to lose again. Every time you win, the odds of you winning again are increased. So, basically, someone who wins a lot is going to be favored over someone who gets beaten all the time.
So, what I'm getting at is that throwing a few fights will cause the odds to show you as being an underdog. Since "risky" bets on the underdog pay out better than the "safer" bet on the favorite... You can then go to a bookie, and place a $100 bet on yourself to win the next fight! (Actually, you'd have to have someone place the wager for you... Betting on yourself is... Frowned upon.) If you win, you've just made... Potentially, a lot of money. If the odds are 3:1 against you, you've made $300, and if they're 10:1, you've turned over a cool grand. If you don't... You'll generally get at least the $100 just for showing up.
(Actually, if the odds are 10:1 against you, then you suck and probably won't win anyway)
- All that aside, the gist of the entire question here is, "Would you take a few punches in exchange for more money in one night than the average laborer makes in a month?" Business logic dictates that the answer is an emphatic "Yes."
- Yes, every argument in favor of taking the fall involves money, but then again, in a modern society, everything involves money.
Against Throwing the fight -
- One of the fist thoughts to pop into one's head when the subject of throwing a match enters the conversation is "Street cred." Or, maybe not those exact words. Perhaps it was "Career, honesty, honor, credo..." Whatever you call it, it's a matter of pride. Yes, the rewards for taking that fall are great, but is it worth having to know you threw the match?
- Illegal dealings, man. Generally, offers like this are given by corrupt bookkeepers, usually working for a bunch of gangsters out to fund their gangster shit. The offer is made because it screws with the odds, as well as allowing the bet to be rigged. It's frowned upon from many perspectives, and, in some cases, it's even illegal. Just... You really don't want to get tied up in that.
- Every single point made in favor of taking the fall centers around one thing and one thing only: GREED, asshole. Don't be greedy. Greedy people do very bad things. *nods sagely*
Anyway, that's about it. Thoughts?
Leaf
Holidays piss me off, Episode 2
Posted 14 years agoSo, a while back, this guy named Patrick ran a bunch of snakes out of Ireland. Nobody seems to know exactly -how- he did so, but apparently he pulled it off. I guess he just... Told them to swim to England. I dunno.
Today, we celebrate this by wearing green, and perpetuating the stereotypes about the Irish people...
Which begs the question:
What the fuck is wrong with us?
Happy St. Drunkard's Day!
Leaf
Today, we celebrate this by wearing green, and perpetuating the stereotypes about the Irish people...
Which begs the question:
What the fuck is wrong with us?
Happy St. Drunkard's Day!
Leaf
Happy "Single People Suck" day!
Posted 14 years agoI hate Valentine's day. I really do. From aesthetic to tradition, every little detail about this holiday pisses me off.
First of all, this is a holiday specifically used to commercialize people's affections for one another. "Do you love her? If so, then prove it by buying our useless crap."
It is literally a social stigma that one must, come February 14th, purchase all sorts of goods and products as gifts to their significant other. unfortunately, all of these items have one thing in common - They're totally fuggin' useless. For the most part, it's usually candy, and it's not even decent candy. Nope, it's those crappy little colored hearts that have sappy, grammatically devoid messages. The notes on them are stupid, and the candies themselves have a taste akin to that of licking a chalkboard.
Want to show how much you really don't give a flying fuck about someone? Give them those things. Hell of a gift, that.
Next person that gives me a box of those gets a construction paper heart crammed down their gullet. MOVING ON.
For some reason, the entire concept of Valentine's day seems to overlook the fact that a very large percentage of people do NOT happen to be in a relationship come mid February. For these people, Valentine's day becomes nothing more than a 24 hour period of constant ridicule of their lack of a significant other. Everywhere they look, they are reminded of this intangible thing called "Love," and that they don't have any. It's fuggin' depressing, really.
Because of this, I move that we should rename Valentine's day. From now on, it shall be referred to as "Single People Suck Day," or perhaps, "Make single people feel like shit day"
But, I digress. There is another side to the argument, one that sort of does lean favor toward the singles out there;
"Valentine's day is a perfect day for you to give a gift or a card to someone you're interested in, and ask them out. So, if you are single on Valentine's day, you should look at it as a chance to -find- love!"
Okay, that's legitimate, but let me ask you something...
Why would I need a special day to show interest in someone and ask them on a date?
Can't I do that on any day?
Could I not simply approach this person on, say, a Friday?
And the same question applies to those already in relationships!
Why do you need a special day to show your mate that you love them?
Can't you just give your lover flowers and a card simply because it's a weekday?
And, quite frankly, you should! Everyone in the world who's in a loving relationship should simply ignore Valentine's day, and instead, choose to give your lover gifts and shower them with affection, just because the universe is composed of matter.
"Oh my god, thank you so much! But what is this for?"
"My shirt shrunk in the wash, so I decided to get you that."
Having said that...
I think I recently realized exactly why I'm so cynical about this particular holiday.
I think it's mostly because, every year, February rolls around, and it's indirectly shoved in my fact how fucking alone I've been recently. So, yeah, I'm a little pissy about it.
In semi-related news, we Americans have a holiday coming up that's even worse.
President's day: You still have to work AND the state run offices, including liquor stores, are closed. Worst. Holiday. EVER.
It's not even a holiday.
Just a regular day.
But without booze.
~.~
Leafers
First of all, this is a holiday specifically used to commercialize people's affections for one another. "Do you love her? If so, then prove it by buying our useless crap."
It is literally a social stigma that one must, come February 14th, purchase all sorts of goods and products as gifts to their significant other. unfortunately, all of these items have one thing in common - They're totally fuggin' useless. For the most part, it's usually candy, and it's not even decent candy. Nope, it's those crappy little colored hearts that have sappy, grammatically devoid messages. The notes on them are stupid, and the candies themselves have a taste akin to that of licking a chalkboard.
Want to show how much you really don't give a flying fuck about someone? Give them those things. Hell of a gift, that.
Next person that gives me a box of those gets a construction paper heart crammed down their gullet. MOVING ON.
For some reason, the entire concept of Valentine's day seems to overlook the fact that a very large percentage of people do NOT happen to be in a relationship come mid February. For these people, Valentine's day becomes nothing more than a 24 hour period of constant ridicule of their lack of a significant other. Everywhere they look, they are reminded of this intangible thing called "Love," and that they don't have any. It's fuggin' depressing, really.
Because of this, I move that we should rename Valentine's day. From now on, it shall be referred to as "Single People Suck Day," or perhaps, "Make single people feel like shit day"
But, I digress. There is another side to the argument, one that sort of does lean favor toward the singles out there;
"Valentine's day is a perfect day for you to give a gift or a card to someone you're interested in, and ask them out. So, if you are single on Valentine's day, you should look at it as a chance to -find- love!"
Okay, that's legitimate, but let me ask you something...
Why would I need a special day to show interest in someone and ask them on a date?
Can't I do that on any day?
Could I not simply approach this person on, say, a Friday?
And the same question applies to those already in relationships!
Why do you need a special day to show your mate that you love them?
Can't you just give your lover flowers and a card simply because it's a weekday?
And, quite frankly, you should! Everyone in the world who's in a loving relationship should simply ignore Valentine's day, and instead, choose to give your lover gifts and shower them with affection, just because the universe is composed of matter.
"Oh my god, thank you so much! But what is this for?"
"My shirt shrunk in the wash, so I decided to get you that."
Having said that...
I think I recently realized exactly why I'm so cynical about this particular holiday.
I think it's mostly because, every year, February rolls around, and it's indirectly shoved in my fact how fucking alone I've been recently. So, yeah, I'm a little pissy about it.
In semi-related news, we Americans have a holiday coming up that's even worse.
President's day: You still have to work AND the state run offices, including liquor stores, are closed. Worst. Holiday. EVER.
It's not even a holiday.
Just a regular day.
But without booze.
~.~
Leafers
Ever close your eyes so long they get sore?
Posted 14 years ago>.>
<.<
Can't sleep
Furries will eat me.
Seriously, though, this insomnia thing is starting to really piss me off.
Leaf
<.<
Can't sleep
Furries will eat me.
Seriously, though, this insomnia thing is starting to really piss me off.
Leaf
Get Rich or Go Insane Trying
Posted 14 years agoHey, how's it going, everyone!
My account's been somewhat dead ever since my scanner grew weary of existing and subsequently loosed itself from its own mortal coil. This is mostly due to the fact that I've been a blend of too lazy/too broke to be bothered with the idea of buying a new one. It's not that I flat-out can't afford it, it's just that not buying one means I can afford other stuff more easily. Which is nice.
Anyway, due to the aforementioned lack of account activity, I figured I'd just post something up here in the journals, just to give my watchers something to look at. Not that they don't watch other artists, mind you, but it's the principle of the thing.
However... I really have nothing relevant to say, so I figured I'd just share a short list of some of my ever famous Get Rich Quick schemes. Enjoy. ^.^;
Lawn Care
=======
Step 1) Buy a goat. Any goat will do. Cattle also work but they're difficult to transport.
2) Make fliers: A good place to start is marketing. Nobody is going to purchase your lawn care service if they don't know it exists, now are they?
3) Once you have a client, the next step is to take your goat to their house. Turn the goat loose on the lawn, and watch the grass get shorter.
4a) Fertilizer: When the goat poops on their lawn, charge extra for fertilizing.
4b) If 4a fails, then simply start a pooper-scooper business and charge extra to clean the lawn.
Results: Money, free goat food.
======================
Raffle tickets!
=========
1) Find a farmer or rancher who recently had a horse die. It is critical that you contact them before they bury the horse.
2)Purchase the horse carcass: There's actually a pretty good chance that the farmer will just give you the horse, just to get rid of it. It's dead. He doesn't want it anymore. If not, offer him 20 bucks. If he tries to talk the price higher, remind him that the horse is dead.
3)Sell tickets!: Obtain a roll of raffle tickets, then proceed to sell them at the reasonable price of $2. Advertise that the grand prize for winning the raffle is a horse, but don't specify what -kind- of horse.
4) Once you have sold 1000 tickets, the raffle is over.
5)Choose a ticket, and announce the winner.
6)Now, when the winner of the raffle discovers that horse is, in fact, deceased, and by now is starting to get a bit ripe, he's quite likely to be upset about this, so....
7) Refund his $2. He can no longer complain because he didn't get ripped off. He started with that 2 dollars and ended with that 2 dollars.
Result:
1000 tickets
x 2.00 dollars
= $2000
$2000
-$2 refunded to winner...
-$20 that you paid for the horse
Leaves you with a net profit of $1978! Repeat as necessary.
===========================================
A unique dining experience
====================
Surprisingly enough, themed restaurants are becoming a bit of a rare sight. This is strange considering that atmosphere is usually quite important in the food service industry, and themed restaurants have atmosphere out the wazoo.
Incidentally, I once had an idea for such a place.
It would be an all-venison, cervine themed restaurant!
It would be great! My customers would come in and sit at their tables. As they settled in, the server present would begin working on their order, starting, of course, with drinks!
But what kind of drinks would I serve? Oh all kinds, really!
Perhaps you're in the mood for a nice, hot cup of doe?
Or maybe you'd prefer a tall, cold, frothy glass of deer!
And the best part?
All of the drinks only cost a buck! That way you don't have to fawn over your budget. ^.^
================
Well, there you have it! Jackalope's Ever-so-amazing list of Get Rich Quick schemes! (Also known as, "The list of reasons that the Jackalope is not rich.")
So, until next time, keep your guard up, protect your face, and always move away from the power hand!
And have a lovely day,
Leafers
My account's been somewhat dead ever since my scanner grew weary of existing and subsequently loosed itself from its own mortal coil. This is mostly due to the fact that I've been a blend of too lazy/too broke to be bothered with the idea of buying a new one. It's not that I flat-out can't afford it, it's just that not buying one means I can afford other stuff more easily. Which is nice.
Anyway, due to the aforementioned lack of account activity, I figured I'd just post something up here in the journals, just to give my watchers something to look at. Not that they don't watch other artists, mind you, but it's the principle of the thing.
However... I really have nothing relevant to say, so I figured I'd just share a short list of some of my ever famous Get Rich Quick schemes. Enjoy. ^.^;
Lawn Care
=======
Step 1) Buy a goat. Any goat will do. Cattle also work but they're difficult to transport.
2) Make fliers: A good place to start is marketing. Nobody is going to purchase your lawn care service if they don't know it exists, now are they?
3) Once you have a client, the next step is to take your goat to their house. Turn the goat loose on the lawn, and watch the grass get shorter.
4a) Fertilizer: When the goat poops on their lawn, charge extra for fertilizing.
4b) If 4a fails, then simply start a pooper-scooper business and charge extra to clean the lawn.
Results: Money, free goat food.
======================
Raffle tickets!
=========
1) Find a farmer or rancher who recently had a horse die. It is critical that you contact them before they bury the horse.
2)Purchase the horse carcass: There's actually a pretty good chance that the farmer will just give you the horse, just to get rid of it. It's dead. He doesn't want it anymore. If not, offer him 20 bucks. If he tries to talk the price higher, remind him that the horse is dead.
3)Sell tickets!: Obtain a roll of raffle tickets, then proceed to sell them at the reasonable price of $2. Advertise that the grand prize for winning the raffle is a horse, but don't specify what -kind- of horse.
4) Once you have sold 1000 tickets, the raffle is over.
5)Choose a ticket, and announce the winner.
6)Now, when the winner of the raffle discovers that horse is, in fact, deceased, and by now is starting to get a bit ripe, he's quite likely to be upset about this, so....
7) Refund his $2. He can no longer complain because he didn't get ripped off. He started with that 2 dollars and ended with that 2 dollars.
Result:
1000 tickets
x 2.00 dollars
= $2000
$2000
-$2 refunded to winner...
-$20 that you paid for the horse
Leaves you with a net profit of $1978! Repeat as necessary.
===========================================
A unique dining experience
====================
Surprisingly enough, themed restaurants are becoming a bit of a rare sight. This is strange considering that atmosphere is usually quite important in the food service industry, and themed restaurants have atmosphere out the wazoo.
Incidentally, I once had an idea for such a place.
It would be an all-venison, cervine themed restaurant!
It would be great! My customers would come in and sit at their tables. As they settled in, the server present would begin working on their order, starting, of course, with drinks!
But what kind of drinks would I serve? Oh all kinds, really!
Perhaps you're in the mood for a nice, hot cup of doe?
Or maybe you'd prefer a tall, cold, frothy glass of deer!
And the best part?
All of the drinks only cost a buck! That way you don't have to fawn over your budget. ^.^
================
Well, there you have it! Jackalope's Ever-so-amazing list of Get Rich Quick schemes! (Also known as, "The list of reasons that the Jackalope is not rich.")
So, until next time, keep your guard up, protect your face, and always move away from the power hand!
And have a lovely day,
Leafers
