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Healing Time (Personal)
Posted 7 years agoSometimes, it takes a long time to heal after physical damage, but I often feel that emotional damage takes even longer.
I'm finally healed enough to say that I'm sorry for being so quiet and distant to those that have been close to me. I lost my third pregnancy last month and it is my third in 3 years.
I'm not ready for questions or to discuss it really, but I want those around me to know that I'm still trying to be okay every day. If I don't chat with you as often as I used to or I seem short, that's really all that I can handle at the moment.
School is also ramping up and, honestly, I'm truly grateful for the time I am forced to pay attention to that instead. I'm also in the middle of a possible job move, so I'm kinda just slowing down on a lot of my furry life and trying to concentrate on my IRL life things going on.
Thanks if you read this, and if not, I understand as well. Everyone has their shit to deal with and it helps me to heal to talk about it.
I'm finally healed enough to say that I'm sorry for being so quiet and distant to those that have been close to me. I lost my third pregnancy last month and it is my third in 3 years.
I'm not ready for questions or to discuss it really, but I want those around me to know that I'm still trying to be okay every day. If I don't chat with you as often as I used to or I seem short, that's really all that I can handle at the moment.
School is also ramping up and, honestly, I'm truly grateful for the time I am forced to pay attention to that instead. I'm also in the middle of a possible job move, so I'm kinda just slowing down on a lot of my furry life and trying to concentrate on my IRL life things going on.
Thanks if you read this, and if not, I understand as well. Everyone has their shit to deal with and it helps me to heal to talk about it.
Level Up ?!
Posted 8 years agoSo yeah, turned 25. Day was pretty shite in the beginning,major depressive attack. Ended up being okay after a bit of self care and going out for a very late lunch.
Currently, I don't know where I am artwise. Feels as though I've hit a point where people aren't interested in what I make or whatever. I try to make interesting designs and patterns, but maybe I'll just work without making adopts.
At this point, I'm halfway through the semester, just finished Macroeconomics with an A, getting ready to take a really intense organization methods course the second 7 weeks so may not be on here as often.
Thanks for sticking with me even though I haven't been getting as much art as of late. A little too broke for much.
Currently, I don't know where I am artwise. Feels as though I've hit a point where people aren't interested in what I make or whatever. I try to make interesting designs and patterns, but maybe I'll just work without making adopts.
At this point, I'm halfway through the semester, just finished Macroeconomics with an A, getting ready to take a really intense organization methods course the second 7 weeks so may not be on here as often.
Thanks for sticking with me even though I haven't been getting as much art as of late. A little too broke for much.
Update on my character Kailee & myself
Posted 8 years agoI've thought about this for awhile, really wrestled back and forth between whether or not to say anything or change her how I see fit. I don't want people to be offended, especially if I appear to be insensitive or doing something wrong in their eyes, but I need to be true to myself.
I'm not comfortable in my gender. To be fully and completely honest, I don't feel like any in particular. I don't seem to fit into a neat little box either, because sometimes I'm comfortable in my body and want traditionally feminine things like florals and dresses and wanting to have a baby some day. On other days, however, I feel like I am supposed to have a different set of genitals. I feel like I am supposed to be stronger, more masculine, just...more. Those are hard days for me because I am not those things and I am missing those parts.
I wouldn't consider myself trans as it's not an always thing. I guess genderfluid? But I also don't like that word either.
I guess the point of this journal is just to get it out there. See if anyone else deals with this or has any input? I am currently working on making an alternate form for Kailee, where she would be male presenting on the bottom, while still female topped. My problem is I don't want to offend anyone with this, especially my followers and friends.
What're your thoughts? Am I crossing a line or doing something wrong? It's a way for me to express myself that I cannot in real life when I feel like I am that way....
Thanks for reading this everyone, it feels good to get this out of my system.
I'm not comfortable in my gender. To be fully and completely honest, I don't feel like any in particular. I don't seem to fit into a neat little box either, because sometimes I'm comfortable in my body and want traditionally feminine things like florals and dresses and wanting to have a baby some day. On other days, however, I feel like I am supposed to have a different set of genitals. I feel like I am supposed to be stronger, more masculine, just...more. Those are hard days for me because I am not those things and I am missing those parts.
I wouldn't consider myself trans as it's not an always thing. I guess genderfluid? But I also don't like that word either.
I guess the point of this journal is just to get it out there. See if anyone else deals with this or has any input? I am currently working on making an alternate form for Kailee, where she would be male presenting on the bottom, while still female topped. My problem is I don't want to offend anyone with this, especially my followers and friends.
What're your thoughts? Am I crossing a line or doing something wrong? It's a way for me to express myself that I cannot in real life when I feel like I am that way....
Thanks for reading this everyone, it feels good to get this out of my system.
Adoptables!
Posted 8 years agoHey guys!
I have had a lot of fun making some adoptables available for a really great price ($10 OBO) but if you are looking for something different, please let me know! I'm open for customs on bases and would love to make something for you! Honestly, I just really enjoy doing this kinda work as it helps me destress from work.
In any case, here's a list of my adopts that are currently open!
Female Lion: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/23987590/
Male Naga: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/22244632/
Female Feline: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/22071653/ Sold to 
Female Mouse: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/23421563/ Sold to 
I have had a lot of fun making some adoptables available for a really great price ($10 OBO) but if you are looking for something different, please let me know! I'm open for customs on bases and would love to make something for you! Honestly, I just really enjoy doing this kinda work as it helps me destress from work.
In any case, here's a list of my adopts that are currently open!
Female Lion: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/23987590/
Male Naga: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/22244632/
Someone always cares (mini-rant)
Posted 8 years agoI say this with tears flowing as I find out yet another one of my dear friends has killed themselves. I can barely breathe at the thought that another good person, who struggled with this horrible disease, has gone.
Depression is no fucking joke. It's not funny to say, "this is your tape" or to dress up as an emo kid, fake cuts on your wrist. Depression hurts, more than just the person in it, but those around them too. I struggle with it and I see how much it hurts my partners, my mom, my few friends.
I self harmed from 7th grade to freshman year of college, it was almost like a drug I took, addictive. But I stopped because of him. Michael helped me to see why it wasn't worth it to hurt myself anymore and that there were healthy ways of dealing with sorrow and pain. It's been nearly 7 years now that I haven't hurt in that way, and he promised me he wasn't either. But then I wake up to a message from a mutual friend with his obituary and i just....
I'm mad. I'm furious that he thought we would be better off without him. That our lives would be less depressing without him in it. No, my life is in fact more depressing as for the first time in almost 7 years, I want to selfharm to deal with his loss.
I just needed to get this out there, somewhere that wasn't Facebook or Twitter, somewhere that I could just say what I needed to.
Michael, I loved you, you were one of my few close friends that I trusted with every aspect of my being and you are gone. I don't know how to deal with that. I don't think I'll ever get used to this feeling of you not being there anymore.
Sleep well. I'll see you in the next go round.
Please call someone if you need help. They even have text services available now.
1-800-273-8255
Depression is no fucking joke. It's not funny to say, "this is your tape" or to dress up as an emo kid, fake cuts on your wrist. Depression hurts, more than just the person in it, but those around them too. I struggle with it and I see how much it hurts my partners, my mom, my few friends.
I self harmed from 7th grade to freshman year of college, it was almost like a drug I took, addictive. But I stopped because of him. Michael helped me to see why it wasn't worth it to hurt myself anymore and that there were healthy ways of dealing with sorrow and pain. It's been nearly 7 years now that I haven't hurt in that way, and he promised me he wasn't either. But then I wake up to a message from a mutual friend with his obituary and i just....
I'm mad. I'm furious that he thought we would be better off without him. That our lives would be less depressing without him in it. No, my life is in fact more depressing as for the first time in almost 7 years, I want to selfharm to deal with his loss.
I just needed to get this out there, somewhere that wasn't Facebook or Twitter, somewhere that I could just say what I needed to.
Michael, I loved you, you were one of my few close friends that I trusted with every aspect of my being and you are gone. I don't know how to deal with that. I don't think I'll ever get used to this feeling of you not being there anymore.
Sleep well. I'll see you in the next go round.
Please call someone if you need help. They even have text services available now.
1-800-273-8255
Commissions Open - kinda?
Posted 9 years agoSo, I am finishing up school, finally! I will be done as soon as I finish this last paper and, since I have no finals, will be officially graduated with my English degree. Woo!
Because of this, my wonderful husband has purchased me a tablet to draw with! :D So excited to learn hwo to use it and all that, so for now, I will be opening commissions of icons/bases that I own at current. All you have to do to get one is buy me a coffee! . Seriously, even a dollar helps me keep caffeinated, so think about it? If you have a different base you are interested in, and it's free, let me know what it is and I'll get it, toy around with it, and then grab your character info!
I'll also be putting some more adopts out there soon enough. Just gotta get comfortable with my tablet stuffs.
Thank you to all of you who read this! :3
Because of this, my wonderful husband has purchased me a tablet to draw with! :D So excited to learn hwo to use it and all that, so for now, I will be opening commissions of icons/bases that I own at current. All you have to do to get one is buy me a coffee! . Seriously, even a dollar helps me keep caffeinated, so think about it? If you have a different base you are interested in, and it's free, let me know what it is and I'll get it, toy around with it, and then grab your character info!
I'll also be putting some more adopts out there soon enough. Just gotta get comfortable with my tablet stuffs.
Thank you to all of you who read this! :3
