I never count on yesterday
Because the past can also change

I'll never give myself away
Life is worthwhile on the edge

Words sound so hollow in the cold
Maybe she's forgotten all

I don't remember how
I felt the night she came
Memories spin around
They flow
Don't want to let her down
Moments disappear like shame...like snow

Signs never told me anything
Nothing I could know for sure

I never knew what she would bring
Or what I am to her today
My words...

Almost swallowed by the snow
Maybe she's forgotten all

I don't remember how
I felt the night she came
Memories spin around
They flow
Don't want to let her down
Moments disappear like shame...like snow

She is the poison in my mind
The thorns in my head

She has no mountain to be climbed
No faults to regret

I never count on yesterday
Because the past may not exist
I'll never give myself away
When there's reason to resist
Words draped in crystals melt away
And..

I don't remember how
I felt the night she came
Memories spin around
They flow
Don't want to let her down
Moments disappear like shame...like snow

"Sonata Arctica - San Sebastian"

"Sonata Arctica - Victoria's Secret"

"Nightwish - Walking in the Sky"

"Nightwish - Ever Dream"

"Nightwish - Bless the Child"

"Kamelot - Snow"

"Kamelot - Forever"

"Amorphis - Sky is Mine"

"Amorphis - Silver Bride"

They're my xmas playlist of choice ^-^

I wish you a very merry xmas ^-^ *xmas huggies* ^-^

"i've got life

One more time
I leave behind just burning bridges
It's a crime

I am here
There must be somewhere i can breathe
Now take me there

It's time to see
I wanna make you breathe
Life can be whatever, what you want it to be
You need the key
I'm gonna make you see
No more make belive, you just go

I've got life
You're always on my mind
You gotta believe in something, alright
Forever by your side

I've got life
Just give me time to find
Whatever it is it will be alright
Forever by your side

What's that sound
My destiny is bound for changes
Lost and found

You tell me
There's gonna be a showdown somewhere
It's irit

It's time to see
I'm gonna make you see
No more make belive, you just go...

I've got life
You're always on my mind
You gotta believe in something, alright
Forever by your side

I've got life
Just give me time to find
Whatever it is it will be alright
Forever by your side

I've got life, alright
You gotta believe in something, alright
I'm by your side..................
We're gonna live forever
Don't let this be... whatever
I'm gonna make you believe in something... 'cause
We're gonna live forever
If you never say never
We're gonna make it, alright

I've got life..."

My xboxa hard drive died on me just a moment ago.. I must get a new one with data transfer cable to at least try to save the data from the old one if the data is still alive in somewhere of the hard drive..

I will officially start a smokeless life. The very first 3 or 4 weeks will be the hardest but I'll keep my will and strenght tough through it.

I hope that all of you can support me to get through of this.


Rai~

My lappy retired yesterday and I'm unavailable until next week wednesday. Until that I'm using neighbor's comp to keep you updated.



~Rai

"I am a king of honor
Gold and glory
But every king must also die
Have I been just and righteous

What is glory
I know I've torn and taken life
And here I stand
A small and simple man

Who will trade his karma for my kingdom
A sacrificial right to render truth
The fire in my soul rejects my wisdom
'Cause all you do in life comes back to you

I am a king in crisis
Counting minutes
There is an ending to my reign
My sins have come to face me

I can feel it
That I have lived my life in vain
And now I know I'll reap
The seeds I've sown

Who will trade his karma for my kingdom
A sacrificial right to render truth
The fire in my soul rejects my wisdom
'Cause all you do in life comes back to you

Am I mad
I feel so void and cold
Who can tell
Who holds the stories untold

Tired and trembling
I am descending
Will I have to stay here
And live this life again"

Lately my hack and left leg has been hurting alot and it has been hard to sleep because of the pain. So now as I get this journal written, I waddle off to the hcc (health care center) then trying to waddle to the market district to get some treats for my self.


Don't know when I will be back






~Rai

Well, right now it's almost a midnight to me but I am having a new light in my life. I am slowly starting to realize of what I want..

I want to help the people from the areas where the diseases and hunger are the worst nightmare.

I play lottery for until I get money enough, I want to donate some of it for those who don't have much food to live or sick from diseases.


After that donate I will move out to somewhere I life freely with the law and my own rules.


Much love and peace ^.^

~Rai

"The wolf has fallen on his knees, raised his arms towards the sky and howls to the moon for the lost, wounded and bleeding heart, the source of his power of the form, flies within the winds of emptyness. He places his paw onto his chest, suffering from painfull hole with out blood dripping out. His eyes began to cloud unclear and soon lost his sight. His breath started to turn into deeper and harder, unstable, like something was stuck into his throat and was choking him. He growled one more time and fell on the ground unconsciously, with out a sign of a life. He turned into a dark smoke and flew into the air with the wind."

today.. until forever now on, I will not start to seek a soul mate into my life. The reason is that I don't want to break any hearts anymore.. as I did just moments ago by unwanted way.

I don't want that same mistake to repeat it self on anyone.

The wolf is made to be alone in the pack.

The wolf will never be the same again..

Rai~

23 years has passed fast.. leading into unknown. A lot has happened and a lot will happen. I have realized of what I have missed through all these years the most.. What is the meaning of life? Every night when I look up the sky, seeing stars giving a light.. I always think of my dearest friends because you are my stars in my life.

If I could, I'd change you for half of my rl family.

You all are the most brightest light for me.

As a family we are one.. a wolf pack with freedom in our life.


I love you all <3 <3

Rai~

2 hours before the noon.. A light wind blew through my hair.. Oh how good it felt. I've never before thought it feeling that good than now. The snow melts slowly away, giving the green to come more fresh than ever. The approaching spring makes me smile and think more my friends around this world of ours.
I hope that this year will be satisfying beginning for the better future.

For my friends I wish great and hopeful spring and even better summer.

Love you guys!! ^^


~ Rai