err sorry for the depresing journals guys... I just haven't been taking my pills.... I haven't really been taking them for two months... I kind of just forgot I even had them .n.

stuff happned, now I just want to curl up and die slowly and painfully, everything is my fault, I can't do anything right anymore...

Yesterday I was working on something, I had used refs and colouring refs as well, I had even managed a decent looking background, I was working on it for around about three hours straight without saving, I was so proud of it and then 'poof' my laptop switched itself of.

I was crying most of the night about it because it was something I had tried my hardest on and now it's gone. I've pretty much lost all motivation to try anymore so I've taken a friends advice and I'm just going to go back to it when I feel ready, I have no clue when though because all my motivation is just dead.

/flops/ You know… as I see that all my friends are better artists then me it makes me sad .n. it just makes me sad because no matter how hard I try and can never see improvment in my art, it makes me want to give up drawing half the time /sighs/

I’m not good at anything…

That is all.

I said I would update...

Everyone I know is getting in such a bad mood this week… my parents, my friends, my online friends, even my tutors…

Dosn’t help that it effects me in a bad way to, making me blame myself for everything although I have done nothing wrong… And then my depression kicks of and I start crying for no reason and saying I want to die. And my online friends are having a shit week which dosn’t help me either because there’s nothing I can do to help them… and coming on the computer is my only getaway from problems I’m having offline.

Idk… I might take a week away from the computer or something, just get my head around things, I get money next week and I’m going out with a friend… that might cheer me up, but for now I think I just need to take some time off and let everyone get themselves sorted since there’s not much I can do atm… I may or may not come online idk yet.

I need to update theses more.

http://comments.deviantart.com/1/28.....230/2409931613

EVEN THE JAPNESE PEOPLE

I need to start saving up money, but it's pretty hard when no one take you on at a job, and you only get £70 a month which often goes on clothes since Ilike have none, or other important things, I barely have any money for myself theses days :c

Like I said I need to start saving to take a trip next year, but it's expensive. Just to help me on my way would anyone be intrested in tentacle cat adoptables for like... Idk? 2 dollars?

If not, that's cool, just wondering.

I can make custom ones for three dollars to if you want :c

I hate being online… I hate talking to my friends atm as well… idk why, I just feel like I want to delete my DA, FA, MSN, tumblr and all other sources of myself and I just want to pack my bags up and just travel.

I just want to leave everything behind and just go on an adventure… but it really sucks because I can’t do that, so I have to come online since I have nothing else to do, and I have to stay on and just be a moody cow.

But then I remembered I had a butt load of college work that has to be done =A=

I don't want to be online because it's stressing me out to much, that and that fact I had another argument with a friend e3e;;;

I would blame my period but I know it's not that, I know it's just me being an ignorant cow.... I want to sleep but this stupid course work needs to be done =A=

...I wish someone would talk to me while I was doing this...

GETTINGMY MOTHER FUCKING HAIR DONE SOON, RAINBOW STREAKS ALL ROUND ME GUSTA

Go watch my on my writers account :D do ittttt

Some work should be up real soon owo

you scary 8(

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BjexNXJYblQ yes that is the actual noise they make :I

THIS IS IMPORTANT OKAY

SEE THIS WONDERFUL BITCH HERE? YOU SEE HER, WELL GO ND CHEER HER THE FUCK UP.

okay caps locks of, she's having a rough time and there is very little i can do to help... unless I was there. So guias be a pal and send her your love.

She needs cheering up, so do it B( kay

My Birthday is on the 5th of January :V but that does not matter because birthday is on the same day. So you guys better wish her happy birthday 8I

srsly were like twins except she's older.

So I was thinking for my first con I'll cosplay Jack sparrow... I do not have the skill however to design the outfit because there is to much detail. So I decided to look some up it's a hundred pounds or sixty pounds is the cheapest /cries/

I don't think I'm going to cosplay at all now;;

As most of you... who ever reads my journals anyway, know I have my plans set out for after college, I need a lot of money and I don't think selling my stuff or getting a part time job will even be enough.

Can anyone send me ANY tutorials they think that might help? human, anthro, monster idc as long as you think it will help. You see I have been trying to look up some but I either can't find many or there on video and I can't watch from videos because I like to follow step by step.

The reason I am asking for this is because I need to make money so selling my art might help, and since no one else is going to help me make any money I need to do this myself.

I HAVE COME TO A DESCION, derp.

I shall not be submitting any work until I feel good about it. Some things happend on Tumblr yesterday and it made me a tad upset. I almost decided to give up drawing but said she will be teaching me to draw better.

So if I do post anything it will be put into scraps because they will just be for to critic on.

Yes I draw the same charcter over and over, why? Because I like them. If you don't like what I draw either click the unwatch button or click the x button to leave my page.

And if you're getting sick of me drawing the same thing over and over there is something called commissoning me.



So simple as, I'm not going to stop drawing what I love just becase you don't like it~

I'm in a better mood then I was ouo I've been depressed for the past few days due to cold weather and getting upset at two of my friends :c sorry you two...

But anyway, hfft I'm all excited, it's the last week of college next week and we get to bake lots of christmas treats in the kitchen :D were gonna bake a chocolate yule log and some chirstmas shaped short bread biscuts, me gusta.

I've also been shopping for cuz her birthday is the same day as mine, oh my god I've seen so many amazing things >u< if I can't get them all I'll just save up and send them at a diffrent time of the year >u>

I even saw cups shaped like a monkey and some shaped like a strawberry or sheep 8D I want to try and get them it, plus it's would be kind of my apolgy for being such a dick for the past few days :c

But there so adorable >u< they may be childrens cups but my god they're are amazing < u >



ALSO the day we come back to college is the 4th of January, my birthday is the day after and our class has been told we are going to a buffet on the first day back 83 so it will be kind of like a birthday treat when I think about it XD I've never been to a buffet but my teaching assiassnt said don't be shy about getting plate after plate of food, cuz I'm so sy about eating food around others XD but Eli is with me so I should be fine, I'll eat loadssss... THERE'S EVEN A CHOCOLATE FOUNTIN FFFF YUS, if I'm not by the food my head will be under the fountin.

Okay that's jut my update on life =w= until soonnnn. perhaps after christmas idk XD

Idk… I’m just sick of all the bull on there and whiney faggots… Not to mention the ammount of art theft, underage children, pornographic pictures, pedos… The list goes on and DA does nothing about it |c

I thought I could just deal with it and ignore it, but I’m getting a damn lot of spam messages lately… from people I don’t even know, I’m kind of tierd of waking up to messages such as “LOLOLOL U SUCK!11” or others telling me to gtfo just because I ca’t draw as well as others.

I joined DA to make friends and get better at my art, but it seems I’ve only gotten worse over the past two years of being on there, I’ve lost friends and got into a lot of arguments, been spammed for no reason and even had so much as death threats on my old account.

Yes, you can say “well just use the block button” but sometimes that’s not enough, I might just leave and stay on FA and tumblr =n=

okay rant over~

Idk what's wrong... I just feel like curling up and just crying myself to sleep... Holy shit, I felt this a few hours ago but I got over it really quickly... I guess that's because friends starded to text me and people were coming online.

But my phones has lost it's connection ad refuses to work and everyone online is just going.... I hate being me, why can't depression and loniness attack smeone else... fuck sake... excuse me while i got dunk my head in cold water to stop myself from bwahhing

yeah this is for my irl friends to... since I know they check this account for my art.

I made MSN really to talk to only two people, I didn't... acutally mean to add others to my MSN list, it was a dumb mistake, it's not that I don't want to talk to you, it's just MSN was made for two of my closet friends and I really only want to talk to them.

So please stop bitch fitting about it when I don't answer you, it's getting annoying, if you really want to talk or rp then god damn note me, it's easier and faster for me through that way.

Because on MSN i will srsly not respond to you.

You couldn't wait three more weeks, flu? THREE MORE WEEKS BEFORE I FINISH WITH COLLEGE REFRGYTREWFKIOUVGIUYYHUS

yuh, body decided it was gonna make me ill... even though I have three weeks of college left, y u no wait till holidays flu D<