Took a short break from social media to figure out stuff and feeling better now. I tried being Madeline the woman and Thomas the man but neither feel authentic to me and Madeline feels like too radical of a change for me and I never felt like a girl for most of my life, but I never cared for being a guy either. I also tried a bunch of fursona creatures but there’s something about the eohippus one I really like and I want to commit to it. I am happy being Thomas the nonbinary eohippus and want to commit to being that. Art wise I figured blueberry stuff isn’t my thing and I want to go with the flow and draw what makes me happy.

I just came to the realization today that I’m just identifying as nonbinary and a furry as a compromise as my life doesn’t allow me to live openly as a woman. If I could have any form it would be human female and I just have the name Thomas just because I was born with it. Sick thing is my parents probably won’t accept me as either thing and I’ll be left alone with an identity that doesn’t even fit me. I never had this identity crisis as Madeline the human woman and while I like the name Luna it never really clicks with me like Madeline does. I came out as that name and I started HRT for the first time as that name before stopping due to external stuff. I’m coming to terms with the fact that I’m 95% attracted to men and I’m never gonna fit into spaces where straight guys and lesbians are a majority as I simply am not into women. I think im straight after all but not in the way i thought I was growing up.

Tonight marks the second anniversary of when my egg cracked and I realized I was a woman. At the moment right now I’m identifying as nonbinary but to be honest it feels like a band aid or something I am doing to get away from discomfort as it’s really scary to be a trans woman right now with politics being the way they are. I try being a woman at work but I feel this impostor syndrome like I feel like a fake or a miserable excuse for a woman because I look like a man and everyone sees me as a man but deep inside I feel I belong in a female body and should have a vagina and breasts and periods and pms and all that but I don’t. I look like a fat man and it’s disgusting as I eat a lot to deal with the emotional pain. In fact I gained a few pounds this year due to all the stress and anxiety I’ve been feeling trying to conceal my innermost desires. I’ve cycled through five different therapists and the one my parents liked the most supported trump and his decision to only recognize two genders back when I was seeing her in march. I’m on Luvox and abilify and neither of those medicines have helped me with this identity crisis (though it has helped me a lot with my autism and ocd). I love my parents but I feel trapped and while they feel proud of me adulting and working a full time job they don’t feel happy when I mention my gender dysphoria and these feelings that only grow stronger with time. I never really felt I was a girl growing up and wasn’t exactly attracted to men as a teen either but now I’m not the straight man I thought I was supposed to become. I feel I’m in this never ending hell making multiple social media accounts and constantly changing my name and pronouns when all I want is stability and the feeling of being in the right body and to be around people that actually care and actually want to be my friend even though I have flaws. I feel I need an escape to deal with the pain that isn’t food or consumerism and I am considering being a furry inflation artist drawing cute guys as I just can’t really get into the women. I’m often told I’m a straight trans woman but what did I do to deserve being transgender I don’t want to be special or a “minority that gets better treatment that straight guys” like my dad would say. I need help and guidance finding community and people to talk to.

Is this gender OCD or something else?


Currently I identify as nonbinary AMAB but it feels unfulfilling. I’m currently on Abilify 2mg and Luvox 150 ER but it doesn’t help these feelings at all.


I have a eohippus fursona I liked enough to get art of them and I told my therapist that I’m nonbinary the other day but I feel unsatisfied and unfulfilled with myself. I don’t hate my name Thomas and they/them pronouns are fine I guess but there’s a part of me that wishes I was born female and named Luna that doesn’t shut up. I feel I’m a furry to deal with the feelings of being born male and I’m not necessarily attracted to female bodies like a lesbian is but I’m just envious of them like I wish I had them. I don’t know if this is my ocd or autism in full gear but this cycle never ends no matter how open minded I am. I’m ok if this is an intrusive thought and would prefer that as I’m in this never ending nightmare of being in a male body and my parents always calling me their son and he/him and shaving my face and trump and maga and it never has an ending. If I was female then I feel I wouldn’t need to be a furry or a brony or anything like that. I just look at men’s bodies and wish I could be a mom just like my own mom.

9/21/2025- I tried my hoof at drawing vore art and photographing my collections but I’m not feeling either of them clicking with me. I’m gonna keep trying different things until something clicks

Update 9/22/2025

Inflation doesn’t feel right to me either after making a couple of artworks. It was fun but it doesn’t feel “me”. TBH TF and TF/TG stuff is the only thing that resonates with me deeply after going through a list of subjects I made. Specifically hooved animal transformation.

I realized I have tried TF art in the past on older accounts and it didn’t click for many years so I think it’s best for me to move on and keep looking. I do find paleoart and designing license plates/road signs interesting so I might do either one of those things instead.

Update 9/23/2025

I am exploring my gender and id like to present myself as nonbinary Thomas with they/them pronouns. Also I’m leaning towards just posting my license plates and fossils and artwork of my fursona. I’m busy with work so I don’t have much time for art.