So I finally grew up and learned how to save money and finally got to do something I've wanted to do since I was a kid. I bought a T.V.! :D Now I can finally come back to Xbox Live to play with everyone I used to play with on the regular. To those people, I'm sorry I ended up so disconnected. I truly miss you all and hope the Xbox One has something to bring back the good times for us.

SO YEAH! I'm looking for any good games that is available on the Xbone that is multiplayer and "good." I tried ARK, but holy crap it makes no sense. I get the engram for a pickaxe, got the three resources required to craft it, but I press "A" on the engram and nothing happens. I like the trailer for the game, but I think that game still needs some work done. It makes the game mechanics look obvious, but it definitely is not at all.

Holler at me if there is a game worth playing guys! :D

So I just now got my FA account back. I'm relieved that I got through this and nothing was done to my account while it was in the wrong hands. I'm grateful that the FA staff was able to help me with everything and it was super easy. No complications, just patience and communication. I am especially appreciative to the great individual who assisted me, but I feel like I shouldn't mention names(mostly for safety purposes). I hope that if I ever have any more issues that I can depend on his/her aid again. Five star customer service. ;D

Before you ask me how I'm able to make this journal, I have found another way into my account , but my problem is still present. My email and password has been changed by someone else by the email goryskulltorcher[at]gmail.com and I can't change it because my password has been changed as well. If you know who this is, please tell them to give me back my account. I'm doing what I can about this, but I have to wait for a response. Again, if you know who goryskulltorcher[at]gmail.com is, please talk them into returning my account. This is my S.O.S.

I finally got around to completing the quest and holy crap, I really enjoyed the ending. It gives a new reality to the whole game and who I am actually playing as in the game, and don't even get me started on the soundtrack, I could listen to it for hours. Lol. It honestly doesn't feel like "space ninjas" anymore, which isn't bad. I'm impressed with how Warframe is blossoming to be, considering it is a free to play game. It is definitely my favorite game now and I probably will keep playing; I mean it isn't even a completed game, but it is still extremely enjoyable and I can't stop talking about it, I digress. Lol.

As what I am doing in the game:
I mostly play with Rhino that has been polarized two or three times I think? I started my own clan so I could build a fashionable , organized dojo that I could enjoy and if anyone wanted to be a part of it, they could enjoy just being in there and not stare at default rooms and run down constant hallways. I put teleport erstwhile in the important rooms and I have almost everything researched; what I lack is research in the Bio lab that requires Mutagen samples and then some random projects in the Tenno and Chem labs that require Nitain Extracts and those are complicated to get my paws on even with resource boosters. Then there are some Warframes and their parts that need to be researched, but I have all the weapons in Tenno lab researched. I'm also working toward getting all the pigments so I can do some real decorating of dojo rooms. I also have my Grandest Hallway built and I have a fitness hall that is a grand hall full of dojos that will be color coated to differentiate the dojos. I need forms for that so the ball is still rolling.

I am still looking for other people to play with, so if you ever want to play just look me up. I'm raindancewolf on Steam and I think I'm Raindance17 on Warframe I think. I'll find out later and update this journal if I'm wrong.

Anyone who had never played Warframe should give it a try. You will either live it or hate it, but I can't understand what there is to not like about the game. Third person, super parkour, melee weapons, modified bows and guns, custom modifications, character customizations, character development, etc. I think anyone who likes Kingdom Hearts might like this game as well. Just give it a try. ;3.

Peace.

As close as I feel toward this convention I will not be going, mostly for financial reasons. I will be going to Fang con since by that time I will be able to use vacation time. At walmart you have to work for two years and in at that milestone finally. We also are getting our 9 dollar wage in April so I'll be able to afford it by then. Hopefully I wilL attend FWA next year. I hope I get to see a lot of you guys sometime. Hit me up and let me know if you will be at Fang con, cause I'll be excited to see a lot of you guys there.

In other news I've moved in with my buddy Evo aND my mate Sycotix. we're living in a rented house out in the country in Tennessee. Life has been great to me and I'm grateful to have an amazing boyfriend and a friend like Evo who let us live with him. :3.

So I finally went to the doctor and asked him for his time to chat and definitely get some things off my chest(and stuff) and come to find out that I suffer from bad depression. Like, it is a surprise that I haven't lost my mind, but surprisingly thanks to what I learned in church(of all places) and to friends who stuck by me, I never harmed myself or would suddenly start screaming in public when frustrated. Instead I would find myself talking to myself about countless things. Most of the time explaining things to myself out loud or in whispers. Could be about anything from my past mistakes to others' mistakes and why they do the stupid crap they do, or whatever. It normally consists of myself getting frustrated at myself and giving myself a chew out. Most times when I catch myself doing it, I stop, mostly because I worry myself how carried away I get. I've been getting better at noticing it, thank god.

Depression kept me away from a lot of things, it being as bad as it was. I would isolate myself from everyone. People I didn't isolate myself from were people I were super close to and they were people I could isolate with. The irony here is that I don't want to be alone. I want to do sports, I love to socialize, and I love games and FUN, but I usually end up quiet or shying away. When I go to cons I want to hang out with everyone and mostly the furs who I think are really outgoing and energetic and positive energy. I imagined how good it would feel to be in that energy, alas my depression pushed me away from the people and the energy I wanted. It also has pushed me away from other things, like family and friends. It has prevented me from keeping good relationships and from even starting a new relationship with anyone. It has been very hard on me all these years and trying to fight it makes me process everything around me slower and people at work complain about how it takes me longer to get things done. I'm the youngest in the Maintenance crew and I move slower than all the old farts. I've had enough of all of it and I'm excited to finally break free of my depression.

Btw, if anyone is wondering what I'm taking for my depression, it is Fluoxetine(10mg), which is a substitute for Prozac, because Prozac is a hella drug. O.O I also asked my doctor if it were legal in TN would he be a supporter of using medical cannabis and he said he hasn't ever thought about it, but since I brought it up he doesn't see why not considering it has been escalating in usage and it is still gaining new states who support its usage. So yeah, my doc is cool.

Those of you who stick around are great people. I appreciate how you cheer me up by just being around and sometimes being excited to see me. The people who want to glomp me at cons and invite me with them to eat or to karaoke or to a room party. "It makes me feel like a banana. You peel the depression off of me, and then you consume me, but not literally. I'm not really into vore. Just food please." I push myself away, but I love it when someone pulls me in and makes me feel desirable. It feels like slack from the rope. It lets me breath. I have so much to appreciate and that's what I believe keeps me going.

I love all of you guys....
and to those of you I have ever hurt, I'm sorry and I love you too.

My birthday is on Oct. 30th.

So yeah, thirty journals later and it is my birthday again. I thought I would make an update on my life so far. Last year I had started working at Walmart and since then I had a raise and recently a manager asked me if she had to give me a leadership role in Maintenance and I was like, "Are you talking about making me a manager, cause you must be crazy. I'm not even full-time, Kim." I've always kept a positive attitude around others, always smiling, communicated well with co-associates and managers and get along well with just about everyone, but she wasn't referring to making me a manager(she thought my comment was hilarious tho). She just wanted to give me permission to rule maintenance(which she was joking about as well). Things have been going well for me so far... I'm going to be at the gym now that I have a membership, but I'm nervous as hell and the guy and his wife who runs the gym are really great people. I'll be playing video games less, but it doesn't mean I don't miss them. My body has been showing progress, but I'm not pleased with it yet. "IT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH!"

I am not joining a band. I made up my mind and realized what music is to me, and it is more of a stress reliever or a detail in my life than a career or a hobby. I will say that spending time with a musician, who was once in a band, has taught me a visual on how song writing works and maybe something might be created by me someday, but I did it as a vent, not a hobby. I sing because I'm a song bird; I sing when I'm feeling well and happy.

I know I don't talk about this, ever, but my love life is non-existent. I've never been single this long since my ex-girlfriend and I broke up in high school, and I guess it may be for a reason or maybe just cause I have been turning down relationships. Maybe the reason is that I've gained trust-issues from previous relationships, or I could be afraid to get into a relationship to be dumped and hurt again(which is highly, undoubtedly the reason), or I have completely lost libido... well, I sometimes see guys at Walmart who I can't stop looking at cause they're such eye-candy, but they are obviously taken, straight/homophobic-looking, and/or passing through for Bonaroo. I don't like being alone, but I feel safe alone. It drives me bat-shit crazy when I'm alone and I often find myself clinging to either Youtube or Facebook as a "source of socialization(which I realize isn't healthy)." For about a year, I've been learning how to love myself and(I won't lie) it has made me into a narcissistic, selfish ass-cunt. I still have the desire to help others who need it, but I have gained a couple points of prejudice. Sometimes when I see someone who can't help themselves, I turn away from them. I'm not sure if that is me being smart or a fuck face, but I tell myself it is survival instinct. Keeps me away from the Door to Insanity. I'd love to get into a relationship again, but it will take a certain kind of person who will impress me, like I'm a fucking princess of Walmart. *facepalms* I don't know when this person will show up, but every time I see happy couples, it sorta drains the "WHEEEEE," out of me. Like happy feelings just break off of me like giant, dead limbs from trees that land on your car and you are never going to get home. I'm obviously the sin of Envy and it makes me sad.
BUT, I do everything in my ability to block that out and look at what else is around... oh hey, BIG ZAM!

Anyways...
I will not be going to Fangcon, because they updated their website too late and I assumed they would have the con same date as the previous year, aaaaaaaand they change it last second. I try to do schedule-stuff ahead of time and I requested time off three months ahead of the con, so managers will be able to think of how to fit those days off in everyone else's schedules. If I wanted to know when a con was, I wouldn't look at its state's forum, I'd go to the official source, which would be their own website, but I guess maybe this con forgot it had its own website??? *shrugs* So I have to work on the days of the con, so I can't even visit. :( I'll miss a lot of people, let's just hope I can make it to FWA, cause a fur con seems to be like a furry holiday to me. One con a year, because A)Walmart. and B)money. I am starting to think I might wanna start buying lottery tickets. :/

I miss you all, I wish I could go to the very next con/ event going on, but I don't even get the weekends off the next two weeks. :(

Hope you guys stay safe and I'll see you when I do. <3

So yeah, some guys in my town like my singing voice and want me to be a singer in their band. At first I was having fun just jamming, but going out and playing live kinda scares me. I don't know what I'm handling and getting into. I almost don't want to do it, but this might be something easy for me, and plus I love to sing. I sing in the shower, in my car and when no one is watching, but when I sing to my loud, full potential I'm told I am pretty good at hitting high notes and I have the energy for being on stage. I feel like I need to know how to play guitar while I sing, but not all bands did that. I'm probably stressing too much over this, but I'm hoping that if I go with it, it will be a cake walk with extra icing.

I got the days off for it, so who else is going? Maybe you need a room mate? That room mate could be me. ;3 Just let me know and we'll see what we can cook up.

So I thought that because of the title and anthros in the movie that I should see it. I do regret seeing it because now I believe I'm either extremely depressed or having a giant epiphany or both. After watching the movie I was looking at everything differently. I could not seem to process why, what in the film made me so upset and I can keep thinking of reasons why, and I believe it has to do with the male characters. It is either 1: I'm jealous of their abilities to change into wolves, however sad that (I guess) they age and die faster than normal humans since they are also part wolves 2: I am mad at the son for the way he treated his mother in the end 3: I'm trying too hard to understand how the mother can accept being alone without her son and daughter and deceased boyfriend/husband/mate/bae 4: realizing the real pain and agony of losing someone who is vital to me 5: (similar to 4) watching someone you love progressively loose their personality(what makes them who they are to me) and turn into something else and virtually ceasing to exist as if they never existed, leaving memories to haunt me forever. I'm not sure if this feeling is normal, I'm not sure if I'm okay, but literally everything I look at seems different. The sky, my dog, my parents, my life, me, and my interests and goals. I'm not sure if I want to be single or to have a relationship in fear of losing someone I'll fall in love with or if I just want to find a mate and start having that person to protect. I'm always worried about who I get with and I have my reasons, but I think I need to just let things happen while I try to reach for the stars. I want to be happy, but this movie, I believe, has made me aware that time progresses; it doesn't freeze so I can enjoy life and it doesn't playback, so enjoying life has to be done on the go, whether or not I'm working, driving, spending time with friends or not, and all kinds of situations. I feel like I've definitely strangled my own life by being to controlling of it, and I think this movie has made me more laid back and letting things happen, but I don't like where I am, despite the fact that I want to be here for my parents now, even more just from watching the movie. It makes me prey that when I have children(which I fear I may be a spoiling father and overprotective and clingy) that they will always be there for me, but I know that they are lives that I helped create and I need to let those "lives live." It is so bittersweet that I am afraid to have children, afraid to have a relationship. That movie seriously has done a number on me and I feel like I've had a knife stuck in my chest repetitively and all I want is to chase after what I think makes me happy, but I don't feel like I'm ready and i feel like I need help. I want to do some things over again, like I want to try doing factory work again so I can get paid more and buy my own place in the world and be able to afford seeing all of my friends who literally feel like my pack, my family, who I belong with. I hope I do find someone and that I can keep them forever. It is what I look for in a relationship is someone who gives a hoot about a loving relationship and being dedicated and also likes the sensual flame to burn bright at all times. I love/sex relationship. It is honestly how I believe a normal relationship to be, but I'm seeing so much of this sex/ love choices that I choke on it. I don't understand how a relationship can have no love.

Anyway, if you have stuck around this far, you are probably interested in that I may have come to a change of thinking. Everything to me has shifted, it isn't the same, which can only mean that I have changed. I'm guessing that reality has FINALLY set in and I know who I am, and I say that to myself a lot, but it isn't true, but I'm having a fear and that fear tells me that I know I'm afraid of myself for not doing the things that need to be done. The conventions have suddenly become less important to me now, but my friends haven't. Any milli-second I have with my friends is fortune in my heart and I know that will never change, but I need to make my time to success. I need to be able to support myself at all ends, because my parents won't be around forever and I'm not counting down days or anything like that, I just know I have to be prepared for that age. I'm not ready now and that does intimidate me. When that happens I will need my friends more than ever, not for finance, but I will be at my wits end. I love my parents, they haven't done me wrong, it was only a matter of time for me to understand life. I want everyone to know that I am ready to make a change, I just need assistance. Life isn't a trail to be traveled alone and I want to make it. I'm hoping someday I can be happy like those out there who attend all these conventions and have a mate, like Skroy and Frisbee, Duke and Mozee, etc. I envy them, but not in a bad way. They give me hope that it exists. Undying love. It is what I look forward to someday.

So finally the end of this journal. I hope you guys actually read to this part, if you did, please leave a comment, because I'm still pretty down from that movie. lol it has been five hours from now i watched it so hearing from you guys will surely pick me back up. I love all of you, you are all awesome and stay safe for me please! <3 Have a good Labor Day(a day, at walmart, which we celebrate the day of working by working) and everyone of you have special places in my heart. Peace be my friends. ^^

I'm going to play it. I will be posting it on both Youtube and Facebook. I'll make a link here when it is finished on both sites. Should be around the 26th or 27th. My issue now is getting game footage to be captured. Still learning to FFsplit. :/

When I first heard about it, I didn't want to believe it. I was trying to tell myself it was all a big huge troll and that if I went home and researched about it, I would find a video that had a laughing moon and a genie and the genie says, "Made ya' look."

Unfortunately, it was all true and it makes me painfully sad. To think for so many years he had to deal with depression and the entire time he would do comedy. He would even do stand up comedy. Makes me think that all the things he talks about on stage aren't jokes to him; to him it is more like pointing out obvious things that are true and people laugh about it, yet he wants people to open their eyes and everyone can get together and help make stupid things end, like a giant vent to the public, though he probably just wanted to make people laugh to feel better, cause he enjoyed it most. Whatever it was he was doing, we still love him for it. He was a genie, a clown-doctor, a father pretending to be a nanny, and much more, but he is also wonderful, hysterical history that will live on forever. He will be missed and never forgotten.

I'm thinking about going and watching a bunch of films, like "Where Dreams May Come," and "Jamanji," and Disney's Aladdin series. We love you Mr. Williams and you will live forever in our hearts. <3

Hey guys. This upcoming week(starting Saturday) I will be setting Avventura to Creative.

Yes, I have finally realized how to make it work and I'm giving all of you a week's chance to use creative. I'm hoping you all will enjoy it and have a lot of fun with it.

Just remember if you are going to get creative with explosives, do it far away from other people's structures. Ty. :3

Guys I'm leaving the default game mode as creative for today till Thursday at midnight. I've heard of some bad things happening and I can't be there all the time, so I'm going to give you guys some of your own god-like power so you can restore things you have lost, build awesome things, etc., but just remember that it is not cool to take away from others. I mean, why would you want to, I mean come on! What if someone took from one of you guys, that would tick you off would it not? Anyway I hope this will resolve some problems and maybe create something better for everyone. :3 Enjoy guys! :D

We have recently invited several more citizens to Avventura, yet it is still quiet. I usually hop online and I don't see anyone, though I am online at a very late time of night, which explains things, but that is besides the point!

If you have friends you want to play with, totally feel free to send me a note with their Minecraft usernames and I'll invite them to our home land as brothers and sisters. :D Seriously though, don't be afraid to ask me for an invite. This is for all of you, because if I did it for me I would have not spent $13 on a realm that was a population of 1(including myself *sadface*). I want you fur folk to have fun and do whatever you want on this realm. I bought it, but it is yours. <3

Hi guys! I recently bought and started a Minecraft realm. Some of you don't like vanilla so I'm going to put it out there that this realm is vanilla. If you like vanilla and you want to play with friends or build and share with your friends, leave your minecraft user names in this journal's comments and I'll send you an invite.

My favorite thing about these realms are that they are always open 24/7 and I don't have to leave my computer on just for everyone to hop on. I love to share, so I'm sharing my realm with you guys. :3

Several rules I made for this realm is that you keep inventory items after death and fire does not spread.

To those of you who need my new phone number, please let me know in this journal and I'll send it to you.

My dad fixed it, now I just owe him for the parts. I think he said it was the fuel injector or something. He needs to train me on mechanic talk. Well, I have the day off and tomorrow off, it sucks feeling that everybody is busy and I'm bored. :(

I'm PCD negative. Why: I'm remembering that I can still talk to those friends online. Not just friends, but new friends. Most of them I have been watching for a while, but I've gotten to meet them and I can talk to them online and it wouldn't be as awkward. :D Best thing of all I didn't get con crud and I didn't get too cry baby about leaving, though I did take a stroll down the (seemingly) endless stairs and found three pepsi cans taped together this Monday morning. *sighs* Memories. Anyway, I hope everyone got home safe and sound and that those with CCD(Con Crud Disease) will get healthy soon. Remember guys, drink lots of water and liquids, including soup. Pee the illness out.

I have a lot of souvenirs from the Dealer's Den and I'm just waiting for my new badge to come in. I'll have to find my firewire to USB for my scanner so I can show you all what it looks like. It is pretty much Raindance getting inflated. Yeah... it is gonna be freakin' cute.

So when I left the hotel this morning, I left at 9:19AM in Atlanta time, and when I got home it was 12:00 Central Time. I didn't get to take a nap before going to work an hour later, because while driving up a steep mountain/ hill thing I was giving my car some gas and then my car wasn't acting right. Now when I accelerate it shakes me like instant orange juice. My dad is looking into it, hopefully I don't end up without a car. :(
Anyway, since I didn't get to nap then, I'm going to bed. NINI everyone. *hugs and snuggles*

I'm excited for the next FWA when we go to the new hotel. ;3

Good news! I got the days off for FWA! :D I just got on my lunch break and before that I was checking and my manager was sitting next to me when I cheered for the approval. She said she put a lot of effort into getting those days off. We exchanged high fives. She's awesome. :3 So yeah. You can expect me to be there next month. I'm super excited to see all you guys there. <3

I never really like Valentine's Day much, but woot Happy Valentine's Day everyone. I get the day off for it, but WHY FOR? I guess I'll work out, as usual. I can't wait for summer so I can wear button up shirts again. I have so many only because I love them. I guess I'll make love to my clothes on Vday night. lol jk

I bought the game Risk of Rain on Steam. It is five dollars and if you haven't heard of it, it is a space, survival, indie game with some cool music and it is pretty addictive for me. It is a side scroller and you get lots of gadgets, characters, you can level up, but you can die too and loose your progress. The longer you play the harder it gets and every time you restart the game the whole map changes. Items change, platforms change and enemies as well. The game does progress, but you have to survive that long. It is coop, so if anyone wants to play, let me know. ;3

As an update for FWA, nothing yet. One of my managers, who I used to work along side with in remodel, told me that she can't accept my request for unpaid time off, but she will do her best to get someone else to. I'm hoping she can accomplish this and not get my hopes up to just tear them down. That would make me cry. It is fucked up. :'(

My best explanation to my coworkers for what the time off was that it was for a con, but I couldn't call it a con, more like a reunion with all my friends from all over the country and world. I tell them at fur cons you meet people from everywhere and after you do, you REALLY want to see them again, but you can't cause they live so far out it is too expensive. So you only get to see them once a year and missing that chance is a heart-breaker. Hopefully they understand and I will up my chances to go.

You guys are more like family. My first con was FWA and I felt like I found my real home. I absolutely did not want to leave, so I desperately keep coming back. For those of you who KNOW me, last year I barely made it and I wasn't even there for the whole con. I missed a lot, including the Furry Harlem Shake. Ugh, I can't believe I missed that. Out of all the trends last year, the Harlem Shake was my favorite. Idk why, it just is. Anyway, the reason I didn't get to stay the whole con is because I had gotten a speeding ticket and the date for the speeding class in court was the second to last day of the con I believe??? I forgot. What REALLY sucked was that when I got there and I left, I mentioned to one of the people in the class that I had to leave my friends' con just to come here and it was out in atlanta and he then asked, "Then why didn't you just take the class online?" O.O Yeah, I cried. I was like, "Uhm... could you give me a moment," and I went to my car and sobbed curse words. :( So yeah, I am crossing my fingers and chanting just hoping I get my days off accepted.

Sorry for the freakishly long journal! I'm normally single on Vday so I had to think of something to get my mind off it... damn. Andy Whey(lol), I'll update again when I get an answer. Love you guys and happy Vday. <3

So I have had some changes happen and I may go to FWA this year, but I have to get the days off for it and hopefully they will give them to me. Also anybody need a roommate? I can definitely help pay for the room, i just need answers from my managers! Please let me know, would you kindly.

I have it. Does anyone else have it that likes to strategize with team mates? I do. I'm Raindance17 on Origin and on Battelog. Also, does anyone else have issues playing China Rising? I already had it and bought it to make sure I had it and it still won't play. :/

I have a different complaint than most modders have about this infamous error. I do get the same message that pops up when you open the inventory/ magic/ favorites menu(ERROR 5: YOU HAVE AN OLDER VERSION OF SKYUI THAT PREVENTS THE NEWER VERSION TO OPERATE(something like that)), but that isn't my biggest complaint. My complaint is everytime when someone or something demands for the inventory to be opened so you can take from the subject or give to someone(let's say your adopted child), the game crashes.

I just started a new character(an imperial) and I've arrived at "Riverwurd" and Uncle Hadvar is willing to give me supplies, but every time he goes to give me stuff, "Like I said, I'm glad to help in anyway I can..." GAME CRASHES! It happens when I come home after a long mission or adventure and my son comes asking if i got him anything and when I go to give him a gift, the game crashes. I know it has something to do with Error 5 and I want to get rid of it. Unfortunately I can't find anything on Youtube like a tutorial on how to fix Error 5 and most forums that mention the problem don't even speak of an actual solution to it. What the hell can I do to get rid of this error and play Skyrim without crashes and maybe without Error 5 pop-ups.

If anyone can give me tips/pointers or instructions, I'd be grateful.