Hello to anyone still watching my nearly dead page. How's it going?

I don't know what to say honestly. Things have gone downhill for me since last October, and that was before this whole pandemic beverage bullshit started to get out of control. I'll just say that I'm 50% old me and 50% new me is trying to take over because it figures old me doesn't get stuff done personally, physically, emotionally. This comes with some drastic changes:

As of the beginning of this year, I don't consider myself a furry. Don't get it twisted. I'm not rage-quitting or tossing piles of shit on the furry community. It's just that ever since January, I just let it go...and I've been starting to feel better. And going back to it makes it worse. Hell, writing on here, I feel like Superman when he's near Kryptonite or on a planet with a red sun. No, I haven't thrown away my character or put her up for sell. She's just on a shelf, meaning somewhere in the future, I may or may not "put the character back on". I'll just have to see how the rest of this year and the next will take me.

I've been focusing on writing. Having a good resume and telling the truth or lying about what my best job requirements are aren't getting me nowhere. Seems like you have to a doctor's degree and recommendations by famous celebrities to get a simple cashier job now. Starting to think this whole political conumdrum could be cause of the reason too. I'm working on completing something to at least to talk to a publisher, copyright lawyer, and/or and editor, or find some beta-readers to self-publish. Also trying to learn other things on the side so I'm not completely useless in case writing doesn't work out for me.

That's it for now. I don't do Twitter, Instagram, and all that. Seems all kind of useless for writers unless you're already well-known or popular.

Trying see the light of things and not giving up on things. Just things now either I don't like, I really don't like, or piss me off to where I don't want to be involved with anything or anyone.

I'm not as giving as before. I'm not going to be hurt again.

It's gonna take awhile for me to adjust to this @_@

And here comes the "I'M LEAVING 'CAUSE THEY CHANGE SHIT!" ranting journals...

Looking for a Discord server with writers. Looking for writing advice and new friends.

Today's my Level Up Day.

It's bullshit to me. Complete, utter bullshit. I believe some of the majority who DON'T play video games have mental problems to the point where I thought that these people have malicious, murderous intent.

This is a frequent pattern I've seen when I'd be playing video games in the living room when my mom, sisters, or nieces/nephews had visitors. Sooner or later, they get curious about what I'm doing then this conversation happens:

Visitor: What game are you playing?

Me: Don't Starve.

Visitor: Ohhh. What's that thing there?

Me: That's a Treeguard. If I get too close to it, it could kill me.

Visitor: Ohhhhh....let me see what happens when you get close to it :D

Me: . . . what?

I'm tempted to get back into it. Don't remember my old account so I'd start brand new. Anyone still play around on there or is the place dead?

If anyone's curious to what that is, it's a visual novel program. You can buy it on Steam.
https://store.steampowered.com/app/345370/

For those that DO have it and have some sort of problem with it, no matter what the problem is,I don't wanna hear any of your opinions or complaints about TyranoBuilder or what's better than Tyranobuilder BECAUSE I'M NOT ASKING FOR THOSE. I'm searching for a group who constant works in the program whether it be on Discord or somewhere else. I'm currently in a Discord group but it seems like a majority of them use Ren'py (another VN program https://www.renpy.org/) and/or seem mostly inactive.

I'm trying to learn how it works and I feel like I'm getting no where.

Then again, I probably wouldn't call it a poor breakfast seeing the prices on ground beef these days. I'm sharing a recipe that my dad, whose a retired air force tech. sergeant, made most mornings. Few other military soldiers, active or retired, might know this recipe too, but it's not known to most others. This is a meal to make when you're sick of eating cereal or oatmeal but don't feel like making pancakes and bacon.

What you need:
-1 Pound of Ground Beef
-Self-Rising Flour
-Water or Milk
-Black Pepper

How to Make:
1.) Brown ground beef in a skillet over medium high or high heat. Make sure it's thoroughly cooked.
2.) Gradually sprinkle in flour and pour in water (or milk) to your preferred consistency; if you want it thick, add more flour and less water (or milk), if you want it thin, add less flour and more water (or milk). Season with black pepper.
3.) Enjoy! Eat it over toast or biscuits topped with a sunny-side up egg or eat on the side with scrambled eggs.

You can experiment if you want. Instead of ground beef, I think it's okay to use ground turkey but you're gonna need to add a tiny bit of oil with it. And if you're vegan, try testing it with tofu and vegan milk and get back to me. Not saying it can't be made into a vegan breakfast, but I've never tested it with ingredients like tofu or vegan milks. You can try other seasonings too, but in my honest opinion, pepper should be the only thing you need because self-rising flour already has enough salt in it for taste.

I thought of adding this on FACC(?), but I don't think most people find a pan of cooked meat in a skillet exciting or appetizing.

Hope you try out the recipe and hope you enjoy it. May share my chilli recipe next.

Lot of friends and other people show me their unfinished or complete projects expecting me to get a detailed response, but all I can give is "it looks/sounds cool" or "sounds like a plan" or anything along those lines. Is every writer/author targeted and expected to give a professional critiquer? I'm sorry I'm not the trained writer that you expect of me. I'm sorry to be a disappointment to you...

I don't mean not care about it, treat it like an ordinary day. I mean, LEGIT forget. I've been agitated for a week and half trying to figure out why this coming Sunday was so damn important. Did I need to make a doctor's appointment? Did I need to cancel one? Did I need to pay a bill? Did I need to go somewhere? Didn't click until a few friends sent a happy early birthday my way. I don't know if it's dementia or not...then again, if it was, I don't think I would've mentioned it. Is there a memory test online I can take somewhere? I know I have the memory of Dory at times, but not THIS bad.

Back home from Thanksgiving. I swear my dad tries to hold me hostage every time I visit. If it wasn't for that call, I'd probably be there til the next Sunday. And yet I feel bad because he's driving home, happy that I may have a job but mad that I'm not home...

And keeping my fingers crossed and hoping this job keeps me steady until I get my work published.

Will be gone for a few days; dad's picking me up in the morning to bring me back to the family clan.

I hope everyone has a safe and happy Thanksgiving.

Everyone stay safe out there on the 31st. For some who know, Halloween isn't a fun time for me for personal reasons. For those who don't know, Halloween was the last time I spent with my oldest sister who died on January 2016 and October 26th was her birthday. The emotional scar opens as we get closer to Halloween. It started tearing open near the end of September. If I would've known that was the last time I would spend time with her, I would've done things differently. We don't get many trick-or-treaters where I currently live since most of the neighbors are elderly retirees who prefer to stay to their own devices.

Be safe and don't do anything stupid.

On September 6, our managers and HR dropped a bomb and me and all employees when they said the company we were working for was relocating back to Texas. Unless we followed them there, we were out of a job. It was nothing that we did that caused it; we were told it was business decision. My official last day was today. It was bittersweet; think I made the most money so far with this job than any other but management and the powers-that-be behind them could've acted more human when we're on the clock. A surreal feeling has been clinging to me since we were told the bad news. I guess realization of being sick and tired of being told what to do. I'm sick of doing jobs I don't want or care to do but C.R.E.A.M. You can barely do anything without money, unless I turned into one of those people that went off the grid. Can do that in Don't Starve and Stardew Valley but it's not so simple in real life.

Probably ranted and raved about publishing in the past but I've been pushed too the edge and my toes are shivering as I clutch the crumbling edge. If not this month, planning to publish next month on Amazon with help and guidance from friends who know the real deal of being a writer/author. Got this chapter to finish and the next one will be the last for this "arc". I don't expect it to be a best seller. No. Fuck no. But I need to stop being scared and stop being pushed around.

I had a scare yesterday. Kept having a lingering headache and I felt "weird". Sat down at a HiGi at Sam's and took my blood pressure: 184/104, which is nothing new because I've had that problem since middle school. But when I went to the clinic and THEY told me I have to go to the ER, I knew shit was real then.

The nurses and doctors treated me real well at the hospital. They said the top number was too high but would've been more worried if it was passed 220. They let me go later that day with a prescription and told me to get a primary doctor and to keep an eye on my blood pressure.

I'm a try to be more careful from now on, for my family and friend's sake.

I lost a dear friend and roommate and lost his boyfriend last night. is no longer with us. We're still all trying to process this and we don't want to believe it. I sure don't...Please keep his family and Tozi in your thoughts.

Also putting this up as a "I'm not dead if anyone cares" journal.

Working in between writing and tinkering in Tyranobuilder, a visual novel software. Been more focused on Tyranobuilder more. Had this idea for awhile. Was going to do it in RPG Maker but I got more frustrated working in that than I did in Tyranobuilder.

I wish I could show screenshots of what I have so far but I'm afraid I can't at the moment. I've been using backgrounds and characters from all over the place but I'm just borrowing them for visuals. They won't be in the finalized part of the project. When I get down pat with the scripting and such, then I'll be hunting down for an artist or a group of artists for commissions.

Scripting in Tyranobuilder isn't too hard and their site even has details and examples of what each tag and command does what, but the HOW is confusing to me. I want to put RPG elements in it which, again, isn't hard but I don't know what step 1 is.

I may also get in trouble if I ever put this VN out. Yup, it's a fan game. And I know people have done fan-games and game hacks for years. It doesn't stop gaming companies from going anal on the maker(s) and try to sue them and crush their spirits. I still don't know how I'd release it when I get done. I'll see what to do when I get there.

That's all for me on my end. Hope everyone's doing well. If not. they say it's always darkest before dawn and it doesn't stay dark forever.

"I haven't read it yet but..."

. . .WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU COMMENT THAT?! WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU LEAVE A COMMENT SAYING YOU HAVEN'T READ IT YET?!?!?!? THERE'S NO POINT IN DOING THAT IF YOU'RE NOT INTERESTED IN READING SOMEONE'S STORY!!! THAT'S LIKE SAYING YOU DONATED TO THE NEEDY WHEN YOU REALLY DIDN'T, OR WAVING HELLO TO SOMEONE WHOSE SLOWLY DYING ON THE SIDEWALK AND YOU CONTINUE WALKING OR TELLING SOMEONE YOU'RE INTO A KINK THAT YOU HATE JUST TO GET IN THEIR PANTS, OR EVEN WORSE, COMMENTING ON A PICTURE THAT YOU DON'T LIKE SAYING "I HATE IT" WHEN COULD'VE SIMPLY LEFT IT ALONE AND WENT ON WITH YOUR LIFE!!!! And I seriously wanna strangle the "I haven't read it but I bet it's good" ones.

It's not called "being nice", it's called being inconsiderate. You probably got the writer's hopes up thinking they got a sweet comment or a detailed critique and getting a "I haven't read it yet but..." is like hitting a brick wall for them. If you come along and read an enthusiastic story summary and don't have the time/feel like reading it, before you submit a "I haven't read", save yourself from being looked at as a snobby, illiterate "laz-reading" jerk and DON'T. And no, we're not gonna wait on you hand and foot to write a tl;dr version of our stories.

I'm now Level 33. That is all.

Guess I'm joining those who find the word 'birthday' offensive and replace it with something else (born day, life day, first-day-of-breath-day, etc.). Level-Up Day or 1-Up Day sounds nice to me being a gamer and all.

What am I looking forward to? Nothing really, just another day where I take another trip around the sun and have another day to live. Thanks in advance for any birthday wishes.

That's all for the boring news. Carry on, my friends.

B.K.A. "Bulma Briefs"

https://otakumode.com/news/5a0e81e3.....mi-Passes-Away

To anyone in military, whether you be one yourself and someone in your family or your friends, active or retired, thank you for all your services .*salutes*

The wound is still there but it doesn't hurt as much. Still miss my oldest sister. Halloween was the last day I spent with her before she passed in January of 2016. I hope all of you have a safe and Happy Halloween.

And a fun little 'idea game' for those who are bored. Some of the best fighting games with fighters that have their own intro and winning quotes. If you and/or your OCs were a player in a fighting game (Tekken, Street Fighter, take your pick), what would they say coming in the ring and what would they say if they walked out the winner? It can be as intimidating, cute, silly, or as creepy and as many as you want.

Rai
Intro: "You sure you want this fight, dude? You'll think twice once these CLAWS go th'o your head."
Winning: "Aww, looks like you're gonna need a new face. And head. And body. Did you talk with a plastic surgeon before the fight?"
(fight against Pyro)
Intro: "We friends and all, Pyro, but don't expect me to go easy on you, 'ol' man'."
Winning: "Eesh, maybe you should talk to your superiors about early retirement."

SWATKat Rai
Intro: "I really don't wannt fight." *sparks up* "But you're in my way, so I have no choice."
Winning: "Yatta ne! Hope Chance-chan is still up for playing 'Sky Clawz'."
(tag team with Hard Drive)
Intro: ". . .you threaten Tou-san..." *sparks up* "You're gonna pay for that."
Winning: "You shouldn't...have tried to hurt him..."
(fight against Hard Drive)
Intro: ". . .Tou-san. . ." *sparks up* ". . ."
Winning: ". . .I'm used to working alone anyway. . ."

...for now. Far as I know, what I have is like a wound that never goes away. It's healed up but it's slowly festering until I blow up like I did two Mondays ago.

If anyone's curious, I saw some artwork on FA that unintentionally opened the door of something from my hurtful past that was long forgotten. It wasn't offensive or anything of that sort and I wasn't expecting to be triggered by it either. I watch the artist and love all of their work. I guess it's one of the things that make me 'unique' and downright fucking insane, along with the other 20,000+ furries on FA.

Want to thank all who checked on and talked with me through Discord and Telegram. They know who they are m(_)m

....I..had a lot to say about the titled topic but honestly, I really don't know what to say.

I won't say much about what has me this way; it's on a very personal level and I also something I see too stupid for anyone else to even worry about. Just saw something and the way I reacted to it gave me nightmares, had me inconsolable and sick all morning, and had me ask my boss if I could take the day off (after we were excused all of last week because of Hurricane Irma). It turned on the switch to my past....something that was always done in spite and have me questioning my existence (no, I'm not suicidal; just quoting "what the fuck am I even doing here?" in my mind).

And I feel ashamed for reacting the way I did. I'm old enough to where past stuff shouldn't make me feel worthless. I'm not saying it's wrong to have a bad day; everyone unfortunately has to have a few bad days within the month, but not a bad day where I can barely function and have me sneezing and coughing snot all over the place.

Am I overeacting? Am I just being silly and stupid? I want answers to questions that I can't even ask my own family. My reliance on people and for them to understand what I'm going through is so thin except to the people who really know me....what is wrong with me?