For those who don't know, "NaNoWriMo" stands for National Novel Writing Month lasting all through out November from Day 1 to Day 30 (or does November end in 31st?). The goal is to write a 50,000 word manuscript in 30 days or less, kinda-sorta like the Iron Artist 100 Day Challenge going around with artist. Whether if it's a local group or joining the NaNoWriMo website, amateur and pro writers work together to write and inspire each other to get that book written whether to feel self-accomplished and/or to get that awesome fantasy/sci-fi/romance/whatevergenre book on the shelves.

I'm going to be more dedicated with it this year. I was kind of looking at it like one of those things where you go "I'll do it tomorrow" and never end up doing anything until too late. And the way I'm writing now, which is less and less, I need all the help and inspiration I can get. This year, I'm going to stop being a perfectionist and just write...but don't panic, I WILL go back and proofread my stuff.

I encourage all my fellow struggling writers to give it a try. Don't think, just write. Write a chapter, write poetry, write lyrics, write down a shopping list, whatever! Just get to scribbling/typing!

And although this isn't the start of the novel, I started off today with a small poem:

STANDING TALL AND TALKING BOLD,
I'M HONORED TO WEAR BLACK AND GOLD!
Congrats to the Valdosta Wildcats, winners of the 2014 Winnersvile Classic! (For curious sports furs, click here.)

Now that I can chew again...GIVE ME YOUR CHOCOLATE! ALL OF YOUR CHOCOLATE ARE TO BELONG TO ME!!!!

https://youtu.be/WIKqgE4BwAY

*leaning the right side of her face against a cold bottle of water* Finally got this cursed thing out of my mouth. Now maybe I can have less headache/migraine days. Can't feel the side of my face and tongue right now. Wish I could stay this way until all this healed up. The dentist was awesome...but he only prescribed me ONE PILL of "Tylonel 3". He said OTC works just as good...but that's just it; they work just as good. Prescription painkillers make you feel like you have no pain at all.

Maybe I can get some work done now. And on Halloween, no chocolate is safe. GIVE ME ALL YOUR CHOCOLATE!

Edit: Thank YOU! I looked at the paper wrong. I get all teh pills! Yay! o3o

Four years after having a wisdom tooth removed, I got another one acting up. And this one is kicking my ass more than the first one.
Why? Because it's infected. Joy.

I didn't think a toothache could break you down that bad. There are days it hurts so bad where I can barely talk, or even sleep. One day at work, the pain tingled through my left arm and made it weak to where lifting up something as light as a feather hurt!

Had a dentist look at it on the 10th and he gave me antibiotics and painkillers and set an appointment for me on the 28th....the painkillers went first, then the antibiotics, I'm in "now what?" mode. OTC painkillers help but they don't last long as perscription.

...is it the 28th yet?

Well we're in October now and Thanksgiving and Christmas will soon be upon us. That also means cold weather is on its way too. Probably gotten cold where ya'll are at now. I love cold weather. I would rather be under a pile of blankets or sitting at a heated kotatsu (...that I plan to get in the near future) than to be panting in front of a rotating fan. I also sleep and think better when it's under 70 degrees (F) outside.

...but when you live in an area like I do, it'll make you go "What the flying fuck?". Being southern Georgia, it doesn't get cold enough to snow off course but it gets plenty cold when you see people wearing those big puffy jackets with the faux fur around the collar. It used to be like that when I was in school but lately, for the past 4-5 years or so, we get like 50-60 weather for two or three days...then on the third/fourth day we're straight in the 100s!

For those who despise the cold, move to this place. You will not be disappointed. But for those who thrive on the cold, like me, or those with certain allergies and sickness, this is a complete mess. Unless I win the lottery so I can move up north with my adopted twin brother or go crazy enough to live in a walk-in freezer, doesn't feel like I'm gonna get anything done -.-

I think whoever lives where it snows during this time has it lucky; yes you have to shovel your driveway or walkways, yes you have to scrape ice off your windshield, and I apologize to those who have to walk a long ways to get to work or school. I may seem strange but I envy you.

I'm starting early with Christmas cards so maybe I can avoid the Christmas madness. Sadly, for those who gave me their addresses the year before last (I didn't send any last year), that all got lost when I broke my external drive T_T The addresses I DO have are from and . If anyone's interested, Note me, or if you don't feel comfortable with that IM me (my IM usernames are on my FA).

This is about a weekend or two late, but we found our hyperactive, playful chihuahua a dream home: a nice lady running a daycare out of her home took him in. From what I last heard, he's doing great and he even has a new friend, a Shih Tzu, to play with...can somehow imagine a silly animated sit-com with that.

Now that I know Rosco is happy in his new home, maybe I can concentrate more on writing (and I think this proves I'd be f*cked if I ever had kids...). Still just writing mostly side notes and ideas for my unfinished projects, trying to find the drive to write.

I'm a bit overwhelmed with trying to re-start "Fawn". Got two different types of aliens from two different worlds, and with that comes different languages and high advanced technology and weaponry. Makes me wonder how George Lucas and Gene Roddenberry were able to come up with the languages, culture, politics, etc. behind the alien races and their home worlds they've created.

And RPG Maker is kicking my ass. Seems like the longer I tinker with it, the more ideas I get and more frustrated I get because I'm not at the level to where I can get done with a RPG Maker project in a week or a month like everyone else can.

...okay, I'm done. I seriously dunno how to end this journal o.o

Edit: Well yeah I do: how and why the fuck am I dreaming that I'm a cuntboy when in no way that's gonna work when I got two big jugs bouncing around?!

The reason my is in quotations is because he suddenly became mine after my mom wanted him so bad and then wanted nothing to do with him after a month so she put all the responsibility on me.

One of my old sisters has a chihuahua (the slightly bigger and furrier kind, not the ratty looking one), that had mixed-breed puppies. My mom, so determined to fill the hole in her heart after losing a dog the whole family loved, adopted one of these little cuties named "Rosco Dash".

As she had no income whatsoever, she relied on me to get him food, pay for his vet appointments, and get newspaper for him(he's paper trained). We'd take turns buying food (if I bought a bag for him, then she'd buy the next one and so on) and she would pay half of whatever how much the vet bill was.

This was going okay for awhile...until my mom just gave up. I guess she realized that caring for a dog is much more work than caring for her grandchildren or the children she looks after in the church's children choir, so she forced her responsibility on Rosco on me.

As much as I love animals, with my funds coming and going like they are, I'm struggling to keep him fed and healthy. And because my dad is so terrified of him taking a dump on the living room carpet, he's kept holed up in the den with nothing but a couple of toys (what used to be a squeaky duck that's now a torn up yellow rag but he's so in love with it and a cross-tied tug rope toy).

This isn't fair for Rosco or for me. I tried not to get attached to him when I was told to pick him up from my sister's house, but I knew my mom would only give him only 5-10 minutes of her attention before locking him back up in the den for the whole day. Guess he's automatically mine because he gets so excited to see me whenever I come downstairs or home from work.

It's hurting me and my parents could care less, especially my dad, so I'm searching for a new home for him. I don't want to be like "Wannadog?Here!Takehim!Goodbye!" because I'd either be giving him to someone worse than I am or some cruel idiot who'd feed him to larger dogs. I wanna make sure he goes to a home where he'll be happy and safe. Either for someone looking to adopt a dog or someone who just takes in dogs and prepare them for adoption.

I'm trying to get his photo up and put in scraps (my phone's not cooperating). If anyone's interested, please e-mail me. If you're not, please share this to see if it'll attract anyone who is.

How do you guys feel about "one-line" people? Not in RPs or from the occasional troll, but just in general conversations. Does it annoy you? Irritate you? Piss the hell out of you? And you just had no other choice, because of those one-lines that you just had to end that friendship/relationship?

I just want to know...how do you feel after doing that? Better? Like you achieved something? Like you did something right in the Internet world because you got rid of that "boring ol' one-liner"?

Do you realize what you change for that person? The confusion that stirs, the heart that's been crushed...the pain, mistrusts, and hate that brews inside them?

But in the end...you must get a good night's rest after getting rid of them...right?

Hey all. Seems like everyone else is doing this when they've been in active for a couple or more months so I thought I do one too to let anyone still watching me know what's going on over here.

I've been down, more than down....actually I feel like I'm in the deepest, darkest hole right now. My uncle passed away last Thursday and I've been a wreck ever since. I was crying on and off and I feel like a horrible person because I don't visit my extended family enough as I should. Last time I saw my uncle was at a church picnic sometime last year between the end of summer and the start of fall. I still can't believe it. I guess acceptance will be a long ways off for me.

I've about given up going to school for game design/production. It seems like 80% of the schools that teach it are degree mills. The only school that hasn't let me down so far is The Art Institute but for me to attend game design classes, they want a portfolio of my art work. For those who don't know, I can't draw and I couldn't to save my life. And I thought I was going to school to learn how to do that, not apply for job...at least not yet. I haven't given up yet; my dreams of working in game production somehow are just put on hold at the moment.

I plan to quit my job somewhere between July and August or much sooner if I get the amount I'm aiming for (or more) saved up and just focus on my writing. A professional friend of mine always told me freelance writing was the way to go but I was too damn stubborn to listen. Just wish I listened sooner. And I may start drawing soon, just need to find out where to start and I hope using stencils isn't cheating. Also looking at some 3D modeling software on Steam.

And that's pretty much all from me. I'm still writing, just not posting, and due to the family loss my writing's been put on hold at the moment. Hope to post some exciting chapters for any interested fur. Take care all.

It's official; I'm addicted to Saints Row. Tis the reason why I haven't done any writing and why I'm surrounded by piles of about 2 months of dirty laundry. Saints Row IV was available on Steam to play for free during the weekend. invited me to play co-op with him within the last remaining hours of the game's free time...and this is what happened. [And you can say whatever you want but I think I have the most annoying voice ever. I don't see how people put up with my talking. I think I'd be put in front of a firing squad between Slippy Toad from Starfox, Navi from LoZ: Ocarina of Time, and George from Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance.]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_QVCg7X9k9E&feature=youtu.be

All writers have a special talents of writing their novels/poetry; the way they make the words "flow", great at writing character development stories, awesome at writing romance and action sequences. Me? I'm still searching for my writing talent.

I started writing probably somewhere between the end of middle school and the beginning of high school. Classmates who often read my work always said "reading this was like watching an anime". I was very proud of that. Then I had to go and learn how to be a better writer, reading on what genre is most popular to read, how to write the perfect hit, etc. and I'm afraid I lost my touch.

I would be done with a 20-something chapter novel in weeks. Weeks. Now I'm struggling to finish the second or third chapter and it's been several months since I've touched it. I could blame my job or the downs (and sometimes ups) in my life. You'd think negativity would be the right motivation to get me going so that I can get it published so I can quit my job, get some extra cash, and move out to live in my own place but it does the exact opposite. Or maybe I have Togashism (for mysterious reason it's no longer on the net but "Togashism" is named after Yoshihiro Togashi, creator of Yu Yu Hakusho and Hunter x Hunter, who would disappear for months after finishing one volume of his work then reappear with another completed volume).

I don't know what I'm good at yet. Maybe I'll find out somewhere in the near future.

And I'll end this journal with a link. A friend needs help getting his first job...or I think that's what he told me but the page explains it all. http://www.gofundme.com/61u8vg

Goodbye to Uncle Phil (from "Prince of Bel Air") and voice of Shredder from 80's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. You will be missed. :(

I don't know what's going on with me. Usually the holidays (Christmas, Thanksgiving, Halloween, etc.) is when my inspiration and motivation to write peaks at its highest, but I've just been in a slump.

I'm not sending out Christmas cards this year. I apologize to friends and loved ones that I do send them and I feel like a jerk now to those who did send me cards. I'm still discouraged by last year; I sent out Christmas cards and someone had been mailbox diving and tore up the cards I sent hoping to find money in them (so to anyone that didn't get a Christmas card from me last year, that's why).

And my job...I went from "I hate my job" to "it's not even worth it anymore". Not so much because of the pay, but of 3 co-workers who are to get me for some reason. As far as I know, I haven't done anything to offend them (and if I did do something wrong to them, they wouldn't hide it; they'd say it to my face). They treat me like I'm an underage employee with special needs and talk down to me about every little thing. One of my duties at my job is to set drinks for the elderly residents and they drink the same thing everyday. One of those co-workers got pissed off that I accidentally gave unsweet tea to those who drink sweet and vice-verse and added injury to insult my reminding me NUMEROUS time behind my back of how I should know this because of the many years I've been there. She flipped out over tea, over fucking tea. And she won't let me touch the drinks at supper shift as if I put poison in the drinks or if I mix them up again, the fucking apocalypse will start.

"Why don't I leave?" I bet some of you are asking. I've put in applications to many places and I guess since I'm a lowly kitchen worker, I'm not worth it to anyone. My only hope is that my volunteer job as a game review write turns into a paying job. Until then, I have to rely on this job until I either win the lottery or save enough to my car and moving money. I'm still living with my parents and not paying any bills, so me just up and leaving wouldn't be a problem; I'd be living comfortable but I'd hate not having my own low-pay income.

I shouldn't complain too much though because I got friends that lift me up and get me drunk on laughter. And they've been spoiling me on Steam; seems like I turn my head and someone sent me a gift that I had on my wishlist. Thanks to you guys for the Steam gifts. I'll make it up to you when I can.

Sorry for sounding bitchy and ungrateful, especially during the happiest time of the year. It's not an excuse but this week has been long for me.

But anyway I'm done. If you got this far, I'm sorry if I brought your mood down.

Hope that everyone has a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Well I got everything installed (I think; head's a little fuzzy right now) and I think I can finally call this computer mine. I'm in "I CAN DO EVERYTHING!" mode now; last couple of computers I had, I couldn't watching YouTube or any Flash animations without it getting laggy or glitchy or blue screening x.x I've been stuck on Win2000 and WinXP so long that I still feel kinda limited even though I'm on Win7 now. Still exploring of what else can be done.

And EVERYONE'S been nagging and nagging at me to get Steam. Well guess what? I GOT IT! NOW LEAVE ME ALONE! Steam name is rai_pager if anyone is interested. Still thinking on GW2. Not so sure about SL. First time getting in, was like pulling teeth.

I'm off for four days (well this is day two, so 2-3 days depending on how you're counting) and unfortunately, my LAST day off is my birthday (the 9th). Nothing special has been mentioned. Only presents I got so far from my family was a wireless adapter for the computer and a cable cord for my TV. Also :: did this awesome pic of my SWATKat fan-character, older and feeling a little brave now that she's of age. http://www.furaffinity.net/view/12237737/

But that's all that's going on on my end so far. *pouts* I wish we had a Dave and Buster's in my town....

HOLY SHIT! I be off Interwebs for a couple of months and I there were over 800 uploads of pics waiting for me. It's like everyone had an artistgasm, jeez!

I now have a new computer so I'm now up to date with everyone...except in the video game console area. Need to work on the PS4 and XBox 1...don't even have a PS3 yet *grumbles*

And already people are flooding me: "OMG! GET SL!" "GET MINECRAFT!" "GET GW2!!!" "GET STEAM!"
GIVE ME A CHANCE TO MOVE IN, PEOPLE!!!! D<

But yea, I'm on new computer and my birthday's coming up soon. So yay and good to be back n.n

If anyone wants to spare $3 or $6, it's all I want for a few cell phone games. Thanks in advance.

I've made some many mental changes to one of my stories but the only thing I haven't decided on is the species of the two furry characters that will be involved in it.

I'm trying not to choose a 'mainstream' fur, like foxes, wolves, rabbits/hares, dragons. I'm trying to choose a species that's not so much in the spotlight. The two characters at the start was a fox and a rabbit, then I changed the fox into a cat, then the cat to a bird and the rabbit to a lizard, then a chameleon, then a skink. I just can't decide.

And I'm trying to be careful of what species I picked. For example, somewhere along the line the human character is going to get so sick that she can't walk and one of the furry characters carries her to safety on his back and we don't want him to be a porcupine or a hedgehog (except for Sonic, but this isn't a fan-fiction!)

Anyone wanna help me out? Just throw a few species at me that you don't see that often in art or writing. Maybe I could work with something...

Yet again, Halloween is around the corner and everyone's excited..but me. Mostly because I was raised to believe that Halloween was the "devil's holiday" and dressing up in costume, getting free candy, and going to Halloween parties was "worshipping the devil"...how does someone confuse trick-or-treating with chanting around a pentagram (or however devil worship is done)?

Either everyone where I live are either holy rollers or "too grown" for Halloween, which leaves me bored. The only kick I'm gonna get is wearing my Necomimi cat ears around and people will do a double-take and have a "WTF?" look on their faces when they move.

Any artists reading? David Ball, a creative website developer, has made a play-by-post RPG website called Ongoing Worlds. He's searching for artists who can draw ANY style of ANYTHING. If you need more info, his email is david [at] ongoingworlds.com.

If anyone is trying to contact me on any of my messengers, give me a heads up on details of who you are. I'm getting random adds, mostly from little boys with one thing on their mind and weird guys from overseas trying the easy way to get a green card.

Any tinkerers or anyone that like to practice on repairing stuff watching me? I've got new Nekomimi cat ears now. I broke my first ones at Anthrocon (NEVER drape a heavy bag strand over Nekomimi cat ears!) so there no use to me. If there's anyone who wants them and tinker with it to see if they can get it working, it's yours and as an added plus, if you can fix it, it's yours to keep, with the included white ears it came with.

And I'm still working in RPG Maker trying to get this demo working. I know I was kinda demanding in my last journal but I've learned some new tricks and I'm about to learn some new ones. If any sprite artists is interested, I'm looking for someone to draw me a robot sprite for the main player. Haven't quite made out what it's supposed to look like but I got ideas brewing. If you're interested, contact me (and let me know who you are).

Edited: 9/9/13

After finishing that fan-fic chapter, I've decided to take a break from writing. And when I mean take a break, I really mean tinker around with RPG Maker. I've gotten the hang of the basics with map-making and a little scripting. I've even tamed GIMP (the free, bitchier version of Photoshop, not an actual gimp) and learned how to correctly align and clump together only the tiles I needed...well, from the B through E tiles. The A tiles, I'm still working on.

I'm in the process of making a demo right now and trying to figure out how to make it longer (than just trying to find a key card to unlock a door) so I'm not asking for much at the moment. I'm looking for someone to draw or link me to sprite templates of a small robot and a female African-American young lady wearing a lab coat.

And I'm looking for a tileset with stuff for a gym equipment (weight benches, drumbell rack, punching bag etc.).

Or, to be faster and not take up anyone's time, if you know where I can find these sort of tiles, just comment with a link.

One more thing I need is an artist to draw something for the end for me. If you're interested, note me or e-mail me but I'll more likely be searching for someone to commission it for me.

I know it sounds like I'm asking for a lot but as I learned from trying to get the hang of RPG Maker and GIMP, it takes alot to make a game, even if it's a demo. I can only thing I can do is give credit to the end. I know it's not much but consider it as me advertising to anyone who plays and in the middle of making their own games and need the same help I do. If anyone could help me out, I greatly appreciate it. I may consider looking for a team if I get enough positive responses to the demo.

Thanks again!

need some spare change to help get his older brother's dogs spayed. The dogs had litter of a total of 18 puppies, and they're running out of room and food for the ones already here so they certainly don't need more.

For more info, go to his FA site or click here:
http://www.gofundme.com/3vhpw8

I'm sure there are a lot of people here who have unfinished business, whether it's with used-to-be-friends, estranged family members, or stubborn heartless ex-lovers. I'm not stranger to that, but I often wonder how people go through life with it and not go insane.

I used to be friends with a great artist back when the Internet was still in its infancy (...now I feel old), then they had a bad break-up with another artist that I was also friends with. I didn't know how bad it was until too late and before I could get all the details, they got cut me out of their life. All I got is bits and pieces and things I should remember has been blocked out because I can think of what and when this all happened but not the why and how.

To this day, they despises me. For what, I'm still trying to think of. I wondered if they thought it was because I was still friends with her ex and I was their cronie willing to give any details on them so that they to throw in their face.

It haunts me everyday but it get worse during my time of the month (I seriously think I have PMDD instead of PMS). People tell me to "Just forget about it." "Don't stress on it anymore." "Go forward with your life." And I would get so mad when they spoke so awful about them. I do try to forget, trust me I do. I try to bury that thought in the deepest part of my mind but it comes back in full force once a month and it turns me into a blubbering mess that wants to do nothing but dig up a hole 8 feet deep and bury myself in it.

I often think I deserve this. I deserve to be spiritually tortured like this. Because I put them in so much pain and I didn't do anything to help them, it's their just revenge that these memories haunt me for however long they stay with me.

I've tried to think of things I could've done to change things. "Maybe we could still be friends if I did this or that" but of course, what's done is done and the rest is history.

All I wish for now is closure. If I could talk to them, see what really happened back then. I don't want their friendship back if they don't wanna be friends anymore. I don't want forgiveness. They could call me the most awful, heinous person next to their ex and I deserve to die and burn in hell. I just want closure and maybe, this pain will stop...

Day 2
-Saw Saryudon's performance (did I spell his name right?)
-Saw
-Bought books, Blacksad: Silent Hill and Usagi Yojimbo Vol 2 and 3

Day 3
-FINALLY found the Artist's Alley
-Met and asked him to draw something for me
-Saw (and failed at recording) the furry parade
-Went to Uncle Kage's Story Time
-Met and 's macro friends n.n
-Ate at Somona (sp?) and felt awkward in the setting

Day 4
-Got art from
-Headed to the airport
-Was disappointed that I didn't get to see Saryudon's performance again

I did have fun despite the rocky first day and I plan to attend again but probably not until 2015. I was completely unprepared. That and I need to take more better of myself: need to control my blood pressure and weight, need to have a dentist look at me, find a better, high-paying job, etc.

Lots of planning to do for 2015 AC.

I was excited before my flight here, but when I got here...I thought I had made aBIG mistake. There were so many furries and you can easily get lost between the Westin and the building where the convention was held (and the maps and pamphlets don't help much either). I finally got to meet
and his mate for the first time and they're both very sweet (and also well-prepared) but I felt like a stranger among friends. I started questioning myself: what am I doing here? Why did I come here? Am I really furry? Was being one, in my case, a phase that I quickly got over? Everything BUT fun was on my mind last night. I turned in early with Rath. We had both been up early the previous morning...and I had to sleep in the clothes I had on because my bag had been on another plane and I wouldn't get it back until between 11 pm and 3 am. Can only hope that I can be calm enough to enjoy myself the next day. Oh, and Happy 4th of July.

Where are you staying?
Double Tree

What day are you getting there?
July 3rd, at 4 or 6 pm

How are you traveling?
...*face turns green*..by pl-...pla...*HURK!*....plane *runs to the bathroom*

Who are you rooming with?
and

Who will you hang out with during the convention? Just about anyone really.

How is the best way to find you?
I'll be all over the place. (look for What do you look like?)

Are there any panels you might be attending? Just any that catch my interest; this is my first time at AC

What do you look like?
Black, fat, haircut so short that I look like a boy, wearing snow leopard Nekomimi cat ears

Will you be suiting?
Nope

Do you do commissions?
Nope

What is your gender?
Female

How tall are you?
5' 4"

Can I talk to you?
Sure

Can I touch you?
...depends on where you wanna touch >>

How can I find you?
Like I said on "best way to find me", I'll be all over the place. Read above for "what do I look like" if you're searching for me.

Can I visit your room?
Depends on roommates' rules

Can I buy you drinks?
Not much of a drinker...really not one at all. I like sodas.

Are you nice?
I am. Just don't find and step on that nerve.

How long are you going?
I'll be there 'til the 7th and leave around noon (wish I could stay longer...)

If I see you, how should I get your attention?
DON'T immediately pounce me! O.O I'll be nervous and there's a 50/50 chance I may flip you on the floor. Just a simple "hi" will do/.

Where will you be most of the time during the day/s? At the con, looking around like I'm lost X3

What/where will you be eating?
Anything that's available and cheap and that's eatable?

Can I come with you for food/fun/etc?
Sure :3

Can I steal you away for [REDACTED]?
...what does "[REDACTED]" mean?

Can I take your picture?
You can try but you have to be sneaky. I'm one of those elusive people that run when there's a camera around. But to be safe you better not, my ugliness might break your camera.

What's your goal(s) for the con this year?
Have fun and make friends and memories.