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I think Im just gonna end this account..
Posted 10 years agoI dont find it useful anymore, I dont care for it. Im going to delete most of my art, and scraps. I dont commission anymore, Ive moved on from FA. So later guys. Have a nice life.
You said you'd come back...but never did...
Posted 10 years agoI dont want to be forgotten anymore...I dont want to be hurt...Im tired of crying everynight, my heart has been literally shattered. No matter what I do...No matter how hard I try...It feels like Im not good enough for anyone..
Slipknot - Snuff
Posted 10 years agoyou have no idea how long I'll miss you...Im tired of being alone now..
Posted 10 years ago...yup..
Yup...you have no idea..
Posted 10 years agoI am very worn out...
Posted 10 years agoJust....every day I feel depressed, no matter what I do...Sometimes you have to block the entire world out...and shut everyone out..to make them understand how much pain you go through.
Just one of those nights ...
Posted 10 years agowhere I'm nothing to no oneHusky plays Bloodborne
Posted 10 years agowww.twitch.tv/digitalhusky
now streaming
now streaming
I really dont feel love anymore.
Posted 10 years agoI just dont, people have used me for the 12th time for using me for love. Saying they are extremely happy to be with me, and they wont do me any harm. Its only when I feel comfortable when I am with someone, then there are warning signs. Like not being in contact with me, or completely blocking me for no reason. I am not the one to blame, it feels like my age mentality has tripled over the past year because of all the dating experienced I have been through.
I feel like I am age 40, when I am really 24, DATING DOES HURT PEOPLE. IT CHANGES THE MENTALITY OF PEOPLE. My depression has deepend, and counsling/therapy doesn't seem to be working anymore. I cannot heal this time. I have taken a lot of abuse, I am worn out. I noticed this now, even if I did have a new boyfriend, I would still feel the same thing I feel now. Pain.
People dont really understand on what moving on really means now-a-days, it doesn't mean they should abandon them. That's not what moving on means.
Moving on means well what that term means, moving on. Though it doesn't have the right to have an excuse of abandoning them, yes you can move on having your feelings intact, the term "moving on" has been very vague for some, and its been let lose for a lot of people mostly in relationships.
You can move on having a relationship with said person as well. Infact, you are moving on right now. This very instant. What has happened yesterday, is done, and over with.
It is the very struggle of having intact emotions with someone. Pain cannot be erased, it leaves a scar. A deep emotional scar. People think pain can be erased, or be mended. Actually, that's denial at best. Let me tell you this, if you experienced a song, or a certain movie, or a certain show, you are automatically reminded of a certain past, a selective memory. Which can bring you pain, or great happiness. Thats exactly what deep pain feels like. Being constantly reminded, as it always will be with you.
You can try to say, "yeah but I've gotten better" move on me, and thats fine, that's improvement. Though you will always be reminded, because it is a selective memory. It's embedded into your mind. You can take it, or shove it in a big compartment file of pain, but in someways, and somehow no matter how long you deny it, that pain will always unlock itself.
It's who we are, and thats what humans feel.
So even if you move on, you will have your pain intact. Think of this metaphor.
When you cut yourself very deep, or have a fracture of an joint, sometimes, you would need a pin to replace your bone fragment or a metal rod since it has been dispersed, or your cut has been scarred. Sure you wont feel that pain, but that memory, that cut has a scar. You are reminded that you've been hurt. It can be yourself, or someone who hurt you. That memory wont ever go away.
So think the next time you want to use the term "moving-on" in a relationship wisely, it does not give you an excuse to abandon someone, it does not give an excuse to hurt someone. Make sure you really enjoy that love with someone. Dont profusely hurt someone for your own benefit, that is not love, and it does hurt people FROM moving on.
I feel like I am age 40, when I am really 24, DATING DOES HURT PEOPLE. IT CHANGES THE MENTALITY OF PEOPLE. My depression has deepend, and counsling/therapy doesn't seem to be working anymore. I cannot heal this time. I have taken a lot of abuse, I am worn out. I noticed this now, even if I did have a new boyfriend, I would still feel the same thing I feel now. Pain.
People dont really understand on what moving on really means now-a-days, it doesn't mean they should abandon them. That's not what moving on means.
Moving on means well what that term means, moving on. Though it doesn't have the right to have an excuse of abandoning them, yes you can move on having your feelings intact, the term "moving on" has been very vague for some, and its been let lose for a lot of people mostly in relationships.
You can move on having a relationship with said person as well. Infact, you are moving on right now. This very instant. What has happened yesterday, is done, and over with.
It is the very struggle of having intact emotions with someone. Pain cannot be erased, it leaves a scar. A deep emotional scar. People think pain can be erased, or be mended. Actually, that's denial at best. Let me tell you this, if you experienced a song, or a certain movie, or a certain show, you are automatically reminded of a certain past, a selective memory. Which can bring you pain, or great happiness. Thats exactly what deep pain feels like. Being constantly reminded, as it always will be with you.
You can try to say, "yeah but I've gotten better" move on me, and thats fine, that's improvement. Though you will always be reminded, because it is a selective memory. It's embedded into your mind. You can take it, or shove it in a big compartment file of pain, but in someways, and somehow no matter how long you deny it, that pain will always unlock itself.
It's who we are, and thats what humans feel.
So even if you move on, you will have your pain intact. Think of this metaphor.
When you cut yourself very deep, or have a fracture of an joint, sometimes, you would need a pin to replace your bone fragment or a metal rod since it has been dispersed, or your cut has been scarred. Sure you wont feel that pain, but that memory, that cut has a scar. You are reminded that you've been hurt. It can be yourself, or someone who hurt you. That memory wont ever go away.
So think the next time you want to use the term "moving-on" in a relationship wisely, it does not give you an excuse to abandon someone, it does not give an excuse to hurt someone. Make sure you really enjoy that love with someone. Dont profusely hurt someone for your own benefit, that is not love, and it does hurt people FROM moving on.
Beta Feedback
Posted 10 years agoThere's nothing to be really shocked, it looks more of a skin change than anything else. I am quite in disappoint really.
Skype purge
Posted 10 years agoI deleted some contacts that really never talk to me. If you still want to be added well, you know my name.
Streaming Bloodborne @ Forbidden Woods
Posted 10 years agowww.twitch.tv/digitalhusky
Finding Shadows of Yharnam boss. No luck so far. Mostly farming.
Finding Shadows of Yharnam boss. No luck so far. Mostly farming.
This song would make you understand a bit better
Posted 10 years agoSee the dogs come running
Smelling blood now
To an open sore
On a parasite
Countless hearts have fallen
Hard to number
Damnation's whore
Is looking for a victim tonight
With an angry soul
And a wicked design
Your will cannot endure
And your heart is torn away
I was caught up in the moment
We were alone and you seemed to harness the light
Even though I felt cold inside
When you told me it would be alright
I had given up control and
I didn't focus hard enough to see the warning signs
Your heart is serpentine
Damn what I'm becoming
One of them now
Just an opened door
On an endless night
Dark desire burning
In my blood now
How can I be sure
I don't know if I'll be able to fight
With a tortured soul
And an honest design
My will cannot endure
As my heart is torn away
I was caught up in the moment
We were alone and you seemed to harness the light
Even though I felt cold inside
When you told me it would be alright
I had given up control and
I didn't focus hard enough to see the warning signs
Your heart is serpentine
Now that I've been torn apart
Will there be an end to this?
Will there finally be release?
Will I finally rest in peace?
I'm determined to believe
My prayers will be received
With a tortured soul
And an honest design
My will cannot endure
As my heart is torn away
I was caught up in the moment
We were alone and you seemed to harness the light
Even though I felt cold inside
When you told me it would be alright
I had given up control and
I didn't focus hard enough to see the warning signs
Your heart is serpentine
The warning signs
Your heart is serpentine
Evil personified
Your heart is serpentineI feel like I lost everything
Posted 10 years agoMy ex...my love..my happiness..my chest has been in pain most of the time because of the anxiety,its so bad, but I've been fighting it, and sometimes I do feel alone. Actually, I dont feel alone, I am alone. Hopefully I just will work on my degree...and...thats it...thats all I want...
Apparently I am a ISFJ ("The Defender")
Posted 10 years agoISFJ STRENGTHS
Supportive - ISFJs are the universal helpers, sharing their knowledge, experience, time and energy with anyone who needs it, and all the more so with friends and family. People with this personality type strive for win-win situations, choosing empathy over judgment whenever possible.
Reliable and Patient - Rather than offering sporadic, excited rushes that leave things half finished, ISFJs are meticulous and careful, taking a steady approach and bending with the needs of the situation just enough to accomplish their end goals. ISFJs not only ensure that things are done to the highest standard, but often go well beyond what is required.
Imaginative and Observant - ISFJs are very imaginative, and use this quality as an accessory to empathy, observing others' emotional states and seeing things from their perspective. With their feet firmly planted on the ground, it is a very practical imagination, though they do find things quite fascinating and inspiring.
Enthusiastic - When the goal is right, ISFJs take all this support, reliability and imagination and apply it to something they believe will make a difference in people's lives - whether fighting poverty with a global initiative or simply making a customer's day.
Loyal and Hard-Working - Given a little time, this enthusiasm grows into loyalty - ISFJ personalities often form an emotional attachment to the ideas and organizations they've dedicated themselves to. Anything short of meeting their obligations with good, hard work fails their own expectations.
Good Practical Skills - The best part is, ISFJs have the practical sense to actually do something with all this altruism. If mundane, routine tasks are what need to be done, ISFJs can see the beauty and harmony that they create, because they know that it helps them to care for their friends, family, and anyone else who needs it.
ISFJ WEAKNESSES
Humble and Shy - The meek shall inherit the earth, but it's a long road if they receive no recognition at all. This is possibly ISFJs' biggest challenge, as they are so concerned with others' feelings that they refuse to make their thoughts known, or to take any duly earned credit for their contributions. ISFJs' standards for themselves are also so high that, knowing they could have done some minor aspect of a task better, they often downplay their successes entirely.
Take Things Too Personally - ISFJs have trouble separating personal and impersonal situations - any situation is still an interaction between two people, after all - and any negativity from conflict or criticism can carry over from their professional to their personal lives, and back again.
Repress Their Feelings - People with the ISFJ personality type are private and very sensitive, internalizing their feelings a great deal. Much in the way that ISFJs protect others' feelings, they must protect their own, and this lack of healthy emotional expression can lead to a lot of stress and frustration.
Overload Themselves - Their strong senses of duty and perfectionism combine with this aversion to emotional conflict to create a situation where it is far too easy for ISFJs to overload themselves - or to be overloaded by others - as they struggle silently to meet everyone's expectations, especially their own.
Reluctant to Change - These challenges can be particularly hard to address since ISFJ personalities value traditions and history highly in their decisions. A situation sometimes needs to reach a breaking point before ISFJs are persuaded by circumstance, or the strong personality of a loved one, to alter course.
Too Altruistic - This is all compounded and reinforced by ISFJs' otherwise wonderful quality of altruism. Being such warm, good-natured people, ISFJs are willing to let things slide, to believe that things will get better soon, to not burden others by accepting their offers of help, while their troubles mount unassisted.
Given how generous ISFJs are with their warm praise and support, it's not surprising that others enjoy their company enough to call them friends. The challenge is to be considered a friend back - people with the ISFJ personality type are shy and a little protective of themselves, but they also need to be able to connect on a deeper emotional level. It makes sense then that most of ISFJs' friends are made not by random encounters on a wild night out, but through comfortable and consistent contact, as in class or in the workplace where they have the time to get to know each other little by little.
ISFJs need a lot of positive feedback, and admitting this need certainly shows vulnerability, but if that vulnerability is well handled, it creates the deep bonds that ISFJ personalities look for. If badly handled or not reciprocated, it's hard to see the burgeoning friendship surviving without quite a bit of extra effort.
Yet, as their friendships develop, ISFJs' sense of loyalty may push them to lean ever more on themselves to meet their friends' needs, to the point of neglecting their own. ISFJs show this in a few ways, from going clearly out of their ways to stick to even trivial commitments, to simply not wanting to disagree or say no for fear of causing turbulence. More cynical types would call this naïve, and may even take advantage of ISFJs' altruism - but these are hardly the type of people who could be called “friends”, and they have no business being discussed here.
Surprisingly this is entirely accurate xD
http://www.16personalities.com/
How I got my stuff owo
Supportive - ISFJs are the universal helpers, sharing their knowledge, experience, time and energy with anyone who needs it, and all the more so with friends and family. People with this personality type strive for win-win situations, choosing empathy over judgment whenever possible.
Reliable and Patient - Rather than offering sporadic, excited rushes that leave things half finished, ISFJs are meticulous and careful, taking a steady approach and bending with the needs of the situation just enough to accomplish their end goals. ISFJs not only ensure that things are done to the highest standard, but often go well beyond what is required.
Imaginative and Observant - ISFJs are very imaginative, and use this quality as an accessory to empathy, observing others' emotional states and seeing things from their perspective. With their feet firmly planted on the ground, it is a very practical imagination, though they do find things quite fascinating and inspiring.
Enthusiastic - When the goal is right, ISFJs take all this support, reliability and imagination and apply it to something they believe will make a difference in people's lives - whether fighting poverty with a global initiative or simply making a customer's day.
Loyal and Hard-Working - Given a little time, this enthusiasm grows into loyalty - ISFJ personalities often form an emotional attachment to the ideas and organizations they've dedicated themselves to. Anything short of meeting their obligations with good, hard work fails their own expectations.
Good Practical Skills - The best part is, ISFJs have the practical sense to actually do something with all this altruism. If mundane, routine tasks are what need to be done, ISFJs can see the beauty and harmony that they create, because they know that it helps them to care for their friends, family, and anyone else who needs it.
ISFJ WEAKNESSES
Humble and Shy - The meek shall inherit the earth, but it's a long road if they receive no recognition at all. This is possibly ISFJs' biggest challenge, as they are so concerned with others' feelings that they refuse to make their thoughts known, or to take any duly earned credit for their contributions. ISFJs' standards for themselves are also so high that, knowing they could have done some minor aspect of a task better, they often downplay their successes entirely.
Take Things Too Personally - ISFJs have trouble separating personal and impersonal situations - any situation is still an interaction between two people, after all - and any negativity from conflict or criticism can carry over from their professional to their personal lives, and back again.
Repress Their Feelings - People with the ISFJ personality type are private and very sensitive, internalizing their feelings a great deal. Much in the way that ISFJs protect others' feelings, they must protect their own, and this lack of healthy emotional expression can lead to a lot of stress and frustration.
Overload Themselves - Their strong senses of duty and perfectionism combine with this aversion to emotional conflict to create a situation where it is far too easy for ISFJs to overload themselves - or to be overloaded by others - as they struggle silently to meet everyone's expectations, especially their own.
Reluctant to Change - These challenges can be particularly hard to address since ISFJ personalities value traditions and history highly in their decisions. A situation sometimes needs to reach a breaking point before ISFJs are persuaded by circumstance, or the strong personality of a loved one, to alter course.
Too Altruistic - This is all compounded and reinforced by ISFJs' otherwise wonderful quality of altruism. Being such warm, good-natured people, ISFJs are willing to let things slide, to believe that things will get better soon, to not burden others by accepting their offers of help, while their troubles mount unassisted.
Given how generous ISFJs are with their warm praise and support, it's not surprising that others enjoy their company enough to call them friends. The challenge is to be considered a friend back - people with the ISFJ personality type are shy and a little protective of themselves, but they also need to be able to connect on a deeper emotional level. It makes sense then that most of ISFJs' friends are made not by random encounters on a wild night out, but through comfortable and consistent contact, as in class or in the workplace where they have the time to get to know each other little by little.
ISFJs need a lot of positive feedback, and admitting this need certainly shows vulnerability, but if that vulnerability is well handled, it creates the deep bonds that ISFJ personalities look for. If badly handled or not reciprocated, it's hard to see the burgeoning friendship surviving without quite a bit of extra effort.
Yet, as their friendships develop, ISFJs' sense of loyalty may push them to lean ever more on themselves to meet their friends' needs, to the point of neglecting their own. ISFJs show this in a few ways, from going clearly out of their ways to stick to even trivial commitments, to simply not wanting to disagree or say no for fear of causing turbulence. More cynical types would call this naïve, and may even take advantage of ISFJs' altruism - but these are hardly the type of people who could be called “friends”, and they have no business being discussed here.
Surprisingly this is entirely accurate xD
http://www.16personalities.com/
How I got my stuff owo
Lol people fucking suck
Posted 10 years agoThey honestly really do. Every last one of them. I dont understand their behavior, I dont understand their lies, I dont understand their masks of betrayal. I dont understand their love, compassion and their lust. I dont understand how stupid they can be when they see whats actually infront of them. You know what? Im going to start a group, a group of smart and the elite. All the rest can purge. Who wants to join me?
So someone wanted me to do reviews on E-Liquids.
Posted 10 years agoI mean I'm not an expert on E-Liquids nor do I own a shop for E-liquids, someone randomly on steam (Unknown Alias), wanted me to do reviews on them since I vape. Lets start off with the basics first, what is a vape? A vape is like a "smoke", but not really smoke, its a steam or a fog machine. Is it safe to vape? Yes. I believe so, here's to back it up. Imagine smoking reds (molboros), all that tar and 40,000 chemicals are in that cigarette. Which is carcinogenic, whats a carcinogenic? Its a medical term for what can cause cancer, or a potential to cause cancer. Yes cigarettes are bad for you, but lets look at some carcinogenic foods that are techincally bad for you as well. You might be thinking, "Whoa, stop right there. There's NO such thing as carcinogenic foods. I HAVE SCIENCE TO BACK UP THAT CLAIM. TRUST ME. IM A DOCTOR." To be fair, I understand you like to stand by your text-books, etc. etc. However, I am not saying you are wrong, but there are foods that are carcinogenic. Actually the WHO (World Health Organization) found that Sugar - brown or white- is extremely carcinogenic and can cause cancer. Burnt toast, and burnt popcorn is also extremely carcinogenic. Stomach cancer can be found eating with high salt intake, and naturally overcooked meat. While these claims are true, I am not condoning the actions of smoking tobacco products. Far from it. I am saying E-liquids are alot safer from actual tobacco products, however alas, I worry about the nicotine in some E-Liquids. But thats not the point, the point is some E Liquids have zero to no nicotine in it (My vanilla E-Liquid has no nicotine in it).
So lets get to the point.
Do E-liquids taste good to smoke? Yes, there's some I havent even tried, but I am on a adventure. So far I have, Vanilla, Mango Tango, Red Hot, and Red Raspberry Mist. I also smoke hookah too, but thats later oooonnnnn. I might do some reviews on that as well.
The Vanilla Bean vapage (0 nicotine) (15ml), is just that, ingredients is just vanilla extract, water, glycerin, and vegetable glycerin. I do prefer the Vapage brands. Because its my first choice. I could expand the brands. Tbh, its my least favorite one. It tastes your vaping a huge marshmellow. I was expecting sugar cookies or something. Though I may have to give it a few tries. The color is a white/clear substance.
Mango Tango, is my second favorite, also produced by Vapage. Its a vookah premium e-liquid hookah sauce this does contain nicotine and its 15mls, around 11mg of nicotine I'm at the half-way point on the E-liquid I practically vape this every time. Its sweet, almost like a candy almost. I enjoy the clouds, and enjoy taste, it really relaxes me when I vape it. The color is a orange substance. Its what you'd expect from eating a mango. Ingredients are propylene glycol, vegetable glycerin, mango flavoring, and nicotine.
Red Hot, also a Vapage product, I havent vaped this a lot even though I should, this is also 15mls the nicotine level is at 18MG, I think Im at 3/4ths of a ml, this is my third favorite E-Liquid, its based off the brand Red Hot Candies, I'm not sure if you ever had one before. It tastes exactly like the candy, its a peppermint spice typed of candy. So you might enjoy the taste of that in vape form. I thoroughly enjoy it.
My first favorite is the Raspberry Mist, its 15ml I vaped at least..3/4th of it, its still kinda full. It really tastes sweet, like a raspberry would taste like, I enjoy most or the sweet flavored E-liquids, although I know theres many types of E-liquids, I'm tempted to try it all. Just for the hell of it.
So lets get to the point.
Do E-liquids taste good to smoke? Yes, there's some I havent even tried, but I am on a adventure. So far I have, Vanilla, Mango Tango, Red Hot, and Red Raspberry Mist. I also smoke hookah too, but thats later oooonnnnn. I might do some reviews on that as well.
The Vanilla Bean vapage (0 nicotine) (15ml), is just that, ingredients is just vanilla extract, water, glycerin, and vegetable glycerin. I do prefer the Vapage brands. Because its my first choice. I could expand the brands. Tbh, its my least favorite one. It tastes your vaping a huge marshmellow. I was expecting sugar cookies or something. Though I may have to give it a few tries. The color is a white/clear substance.
Mango Tango, is my second favorite, also produced by Vapage. Its a vookah premium e-liquid hookah sauce this does contain nicotine and its 15mls, around 11mg of nicotine I'm at the half-way point on the E-liquid I practically vape this every time. Its sweet, almost like a candy almost. I enjoy the clouds, and enjoy taste, it really relaxes me when I vape it. The color is a orange substance. Its what you'd expect from eating a mango. Ingredients are propylene glycol, vegetable glycerin, mango flavoring, and nicotine.
Red Hot, also a Vapage product, I havent vaped this a lot even though I should, this is also 15mls the nicotine level is at 18MG, I think Im at 3/4ths of a ml, this is my third favorite E-Liquid, its based off the brand Red Hot Candies, I'm not sure if you ever had one before. It tastes exactly like the candy, its a peppermint spice typed of candy. So you might enjoy the taste of that in vape form. I thoroughly enjoy it.
My first favorite is the Raspberry Mist, its 15ml I vaped at least..3/4th of it, its still kinda full. It really tastes sweet, like a raspberry would taste like, I enjoy most or the sweet flavored E-liquids, although I know theres many types of E-liquids, I'm tempted to try it all. Just for the hell of it.
Tired of people promising me
Posted 10 years agoIm tired of people promising they are never going to hurt me, then they do. They promise me they are never going to abandon me, then they do. Tired of people promising me they wouldnt turn into my exs, they do anyways.
I dont want to be alone anymore
Posted 10 years agoI cant sleep without someone, I've been in so many relationships where Im dependant on someone...I cant take it anymore. When I have someone in person they give me affection, and they betray me. Leaving me out, and abandoning me for no reason. I'm not the bad person here...It hurts every night. So bad I really cannot breathe. I'm not exaggerating, it literally makes me ill. Because people used me.
Streaming Destiny
Posted 10 years agoStill streaming Bloodborne
Posted 10 years agoStreaming Bloodborne
Posted 10 years agowww.twitch.tv/digitalhusky
no mic.
no mic.
how do people live with themselves
Posted 10 years agoKnowing they hurt someone, and changed? I know Im always going to be alone. :/
Just a husky trying to find his way...
Posted 10 years agoI've been feeling alot of guilt lately, no matter where I go. There's just something missing or I feel something is missing. I dont want to feel this way anymore, my whole life it feels like I lived in a depression. It was always there, even before I was in AFROTC. I mean. I didn't feel depression when I was in it...I dont know..maybe I was just way to focused on becoming a leader...instead of a follower..Im not really sure how society works now. I dont understand the fundementals of it. I try too, I really do, but I just dont like it. I dont like today's society. We are traversing way to fast into something we dont really understand. I mean..maybe I am looking into things differently, there's a lot of fake people...fake love...fake everything.. Its like I really cannot trust anyone anymore. I feel like I'm in a illusion of somesort, is this apart of grief? Lonliness? Desperation? I dont know. I just dont know.
