I turned 37 today, and I don't feel all too optimistic. Why do I feel down? Why should I?
I dunno, probably because I don't got a whole lot planned, maybe it's because I haven't gotten out to see the world yet. Maybe it's because there's just so much drama with what's going on in the world today, that's it's hard to maintain any optimism.
All in all, it just doesn't feel any different today than it did yesterday, or the day before. I miss the good old days when this used to be the most anticipated day of the year for me. Now it just... I dunno... it just feels like the years are speeding up on me the older I get.

Thank you all, in advance, for whatever birthday wishes you send me.
Anything is appreciated ^w^

I ran into a little financial trouble this morning. I was charged for my Amazon Prime membership yesterday, but the most courteous thing is they don't exactly send you a reminder of it before they charge you, and I got bit in the ass with a big overdraft fee in my bank!
I want to try to get that money back so if anyone wants to commission me for a short, animated gif, then please send me a note with an idea and I'll be willing to negotiate a price.
-- Please keep them simple!!! --

I won't specify exactly what these things were, only that they just didn't really catch my interest, but I've recently been getting spam notes on DeviantArt and Discord from people asking me to look over their stuff or their videos and give their stuff a good review or give them my (public) support and all. When I got the note on DeviantArt (which by the way, let me remind you all, that I'm no longer active, I only check my mail), I noticed the note I received was also sent to a handful of what appeared to be randomly selected deviants. Please don't include me in these, I really hate people dragging me into stuff like this where I'd be supporting them, or people who I don't know, just so they can get a good review. If I'm impressed by your stuff, you'll be the first to know.
If you want to show me your stuff and ask what I think, great, I'll give you my personal thoughts on it, but again, don't drag me into things like these, I really hate that.

As much as I didn't want to admit it (to myself, that is), I've pretty much lost most of my passion for role play.
I've been on FA for 10 years now, and I'd say back then I used to love to RP, but this has been a few years coming. I've recently in the last couple months had like 3 or 4 people come to me on Discord wanting to RP with me and to those of you who approached me, don't take me rude, I didn't want to let you people down by saying no, even I didn't want to admit that I've been losing the passion for RP, I just was never up to it, but I think it's just time I accepted it as a fact now: I've lost my passion for it.

Now there are still some occasions which I like to RP with (only close) friends, but other than that, I only RP for small talk or to make conversation with friends. So people, please do not come to me asking if I want to RP. I'm no longer interested.

Yup, I'm going to Anthrocon this year. This will be my first AC. I have three friends who I'm looking forward to hanging out with, but I'm hoping that those three aren't the only ones I can expect to see at the con, I'm just wondering who else might be there. Please let me know if I can expect to see you there.

I'm considering taking my first trip to Canada for my birthday this year and if there's time, I would love to get together with friends in the country. The cities I am considering visiting are Vancouver BC and/or Toronto.
So if anyone is close to those areas, let me know. I would like to start an itinerary for this trip asap.

Do I have any friends online who are going?

It's been a while since I've taken commissions.
Honestly I was hoping to wait until my animation commissions were finished before I took any but right now my job has been cutting hours and I am just barely able to sustain myself and my place.
So since I've got a couple of animation commissions waiting I can only take a limited number for now so I'll leave it open for 5 sketch commissions.
I unfortunately didn't update my price sheet so if you're interested then please send me a note about my prices and I'll reply later tonight but basically the base price for a color and shading is $36.
Please remember though that I'm not longer taking comics for commissions; even if I had the passion I don't have the patience.
So please note me if you're interested.

I'm going to be taking commissions again soon. My job is cutting hours and I need to see if I can get a little extra work in.
I'll be posting another journal soon when I'm ready.
On another note, I am no longer taking comics for requests or commissions; I'll be taking those off my commission list. There are some things that even I don't want to admit to myself, but eventually comes a time when I just have to accept it: I'm just not totally passionate about comics. I mean I could have the passion, but I just don't always have the patience. There are a few occasions in the past - which I still feel a little bad for - where I tried to take comic commissions and eventually found myself unable to finish because I just eventually lost interest in them. I just can't stick with comics very well.
My big passion is animation. I start on an animation, and I just don't want to leave until the scene is finished. I guess it's just the thought that animation is where you can bring your pictures to life. That's what I love. So yeah, I'm taking comics off my commission sheet and replacing it with animation henceforth.

Hey people, if you thought I seemed a little silent the last few weeks (with of course the exception of those of you who I talk to a lot), you're not wrong.

I moved into my own place once again and I've been spending the last few weeks just getting settled. It's still not totally organized yet, but I'm hoping to pick up once again on my art and animation once I got this place looking nice. I've got three people wanting to commission me for an animation, the last of whom I promised that I'd be ready to take theirs by February, so I'm probably going to put the Willy animation on hold for the time being so I can finish the commissions.

Normally I wouldn't post these kinds of journals but in this case it's what I deserve.
*facepaw*
I fucked up with one of my closest friends this morning. I will not disclose any names, nor a lot of the details, I made my friend feel bad and I don't wish to humiliate him. I'm the asshole of the universe today.
Let's just say that even close friends get frustrated with one another from time to time, but I had one of those dramatic moments when I let my inner frustration influence my self judgement.
I really just wanted to just talk to him reasonably, but I didn't know when he'd be online and I just threw it all at him in one long damning note.
I probably should have waited until he was online to have a personal conversation with him, I probably would have quit while I was ahead; but what I really should have done was kept my fucking mouth shut;
that's what I should have done.

I know a simple apology doesn't always make everything better; and I don't expect him to trust me anymore, I'm probably going to have to earn his trust back.
Nevertheless, if you're reading this pal, I'm sorry and I hope we can make out for my mistake.

I'm taking off for the Unied Kingdom today 🇬🇧
Wish me luck ^^

It was alright in the long run, it was really just a long episode of the series, though what really made it good was that it really went into depth with Chase's back story. As for the other pups, all of them had their moments but no more than the show, though I think Skye had the most badass moment towards the end - I won't tell you what happens but you will know when you see it. ^^
What I really loved about this movie actually was how it slowed the process of the pups gearing up and taking off in their vehicles, it really boosted the anticipation of it, it wasn't just going up an elevator and morphing midway into their gear all Power Rangers style, or sliding down a slide and jumping into their vehicles and taking off just like that; no, this movie actually shows the pups gearing up like Iron Man and waiting for the countdown to take off like a rocket ship! I thought that made it really epic! So if you are into Paw Patrol then I think you will like this movie.

While we're on the subject though, I regret to tell you all that I removed all my Paw Patrol fan art, including the mawshot series. I was flagged by the FA administration last weekend for the pictures of Skye, Everest and Ella kissing; Unfortunately being that Paw Patrol is a toddler show, the characters are still portrayed as minors and those pics violated the minor policy and therefore the admins removed it. It wasn't my intention to post artwork of minors, I've seen such art of My Little Pony or Littlest Pet Shop featuring characters making out, I wanted to do my own and being that I try to do things that not everyone else does, I wanted to be the first to do one of Paw Patrol, but I guess I did not really consider the idea that they were still considered minors. So just to be safe, I took down all my Paw Patrol fan art and will not be posting further artwork of it unless it's safe and non-kink related.

A few months ago, you might recall me mentioning that I'll be moving to the United Kingdom. Well it's happening on September 20th, I'm saying good bye to this hell-hole corner of the globe and I'm hoping to start a life in the UK and Europe.

Unfortunately I'm having a bit of a financial issue: I need to raise a bit more money to reach my financial goals before the weekend of September 10th. I still need to raise at least $1000 before that weekend, but I need to buy a new tablet and a few other things, as well as pay off a $600 repair bill for my car (not that it's gonna be much use over there); but long story short, with everything I'm hoping to accomplish before I leave, I don't think I can achieve my financial goals with my current job. If I had an extra month then I probably could but I don't have that much time.
I need to try to raise another $500; if I can then the other $500 I can take care of myself, but I'm willing to open 3D pen and/or animation commissions - as I would like to start back up in animation - to try to make a little extra money.
I cannot promise that it will be finished before I leave but I am very devoted to animation once I start.
Please feel free to DM me to let me know if you're interested.

I'm going to be cleaning out my art gallery a little this week for two reasons:
1 is because I'm moving on from just drawing and I'm wanting to focus on animation and more 3d sculpting. Don't get me wrong, I'll still draw but I'm only going to keep my best artwork or the artwork I'm most passionate about.
Now the second reason is because last night I was contacted by the FA administration and two fan pics in my gallery were a violation of FA policy and were therefore removed by the administration. It wasn't my intention to violate any policies, but I guess I just didn't consider it. Luckily I was let off with just a warning but I have to be more careful in the future, especially with fan art. So I'm going to be cleaning out a bit of art in my gallery this week.

As for future plans, I'm going to be starting an Inkbunny account and start submitting there. For one thing I have a few friends who are already on Inkbunny, but also, I retired from DeviantArt after they switched to Eclipse, so I want a site where I can fall back to in case FurAffinity goes south.

So let me know if you're on Inkbunny and I'll look for you.

*facepaw*

I got into an argument with  Jaydom a couple of weeks ago shortly after I gave Velice back to her. I can't fully blame her in regards to her intentions, but nevertheless it felt like a stab in the back.
Ever since she sold Velice to me 6 years ago, she's mentioned a few times how she missed Velice and wish she could have her back but couldn't afford it. I made her a deal that I would give her back in exchange for some free art to make up for it. But then she was trying to raise money for a hefty vet bill and the first thing she did once she had Velice back was put her back up for sale.
Honestly I don't blame her for doing what she can to raise a little money for her bill - and she showed me a copy of her bill, so I believe her. And of course being that it was her character again, I can't deny that she has the right to do what she wants with it, except she didn't hold up yet on her end of the deal.
The idea was to repay me with a bunch of art to add up to what I paid for Velice, but what would it mean if she sold Velice once again? Furthermore she was holding a deal for at least a year or two's worth of free art to those who sent her money to pay off her bill; but, no offense to her, basically she was putting herself up as an art slave, and that just made it even less likely that she was going to uphold her end of the deal.
Well, she insisted that I take Velice back. So I got her back, I just don't know what to do with her now (but I'm not selling her).

Please note that I don't blame  Jaydom for her intentions, so no one write any negative messages to her in response to this journal about what she did.
I don't hate her, I'm just not talking to her right now.

I received a journal in my feed by a friend a couple days ago that seemed like a goodbye note that said (quote): "See you in Heaven," - and that was it. I won't give the name of the person but if you watch that person as well, you know who I'm talking about.

I can't fuckin' take this, especially from friends who have had life problems or mental health issues (I'm sorry if that sounds discriminatory), because I try to be there for such people; I try to help them out whenever I can, listening to their problems, giving them some advice and even sometimes when I can afford it, I try to send them a little money to help them with finances; all in all I try to help them out in hopes that they won't leave or especially try to off themselves because they've lost hope in life (and believe me, I have known a few friends who attempted to do that). In the end, people don't listen, they don't take my advice, they always need more financial help, and I get those fucking 'Goodbye' messages because they decide to leave or something more. What do I even do this for?!!! I have a lot of love of others on here, particularly the people I watch and although I'm no professional psychiatrist or counselor, I take a sense of pride for my tendency to listen and try to counsel people with their life problems, and when people do shit like this... how do you think it makes me feel? I feel like a fucking failure at it. T.T

I just saw this trailer and I'm really looking forward to it:
https://youtu.be/OKfbmU6xbeQ

You might remember a few years ago that I purchased Velice from  Jaydom
Those of you who don't know who Velice is, she's this character --> https://www.furaffinity.net/view/17203059/
Well, I've given her back. In all honesty, it never really felt right that I owned Velice which was mainly the reason I never drew her. I mean there were plenty of times I wanted to, and a lot of ideas I had for her, but in the long run, I just sketched them out for my own OCs.
It just never felt right to me that I owned Velice because Jayne created her when she was 12, she was Jayne's originally developed character, so Velice was part of Jayne's life. I mean buying an adopt is one thing, because it was meant for the buyer to modify it; but buying someone else's developed character is completely different to me because it was part of their life and I don't like the idea of taking away their ideas.
She sold Velice to me because she really needed money for finances, but over the years, I think Jayne came to miss Velice and wanted to get her back, so she and I just made a deal where she can have Velice back. So yeah, I no longer own Velice.

I just read in the paper this morning that the author Beverely Cleary died at age 104.
A lot of people I talk to nowadays don't seem to know who Beverely Cleary is (or was), but she was one of my favorite authors while I was in grammar school.
A bunch of the books she wrote were centered around a bunch of kids on a street, many of which have a story written from their point of view. So that was always entertaining for me.
Some of her books I've read include:
Henry Huggins
Ribsey
Henry and Ribsey
Ramona The Pest
Beezus and Ramona
The Mouse And The Motorcycle
Runaway Ralph
Ralph S. Mouse

I will always remember her as one of my favorite childhood authors.

Today is my OC Michelle's 11th birthday. I originally drew Michelle for the first time on March 4th, 2010. I wanted to draw an anniversary sketch of Michelle today, but I've just been tired the last couple of days since I work night shift so I've just not been feeling too motivated to draw right now.
But just to show you how far she's come, here's her first sketch:
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/8017661/

And here's the most recent sketch of her that I did last month:
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/40430930/
So if anyone who's a fan of hers wants to do a sketch of her then that's always cool, but you don't have to.

I just saw the movie Willy's Wonderland.
It's that new movie starring Nicholas Cage that's basically an homage to Five Nights At Freddy's.
I don't really consider myself a movie critic, but nevertheless, I think it's actually a fun movie to watch if you're a fan of FNAF. Unlike Freddy's though, which is aimed more for younger viewers, Willy's is rated R so it's more for adults - but still I think it was fairly enjoyable...
and I really love Willy the weasel (who's basically the knock-off of Freddy Fazzbear).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tsd3lga1cW0

I think I am going to go draw him now, feel free to give me suggestions ^w^

I just bought a new 3D pen for more figure making. In the past when I started 3D pen sculptures, I had people saying that they would be interested in commissioning me. Just last month one of my buddies here considered commissioning me, but his request was priced at $180 dollars and it was out of his budget range. Other than that, no one has approached me asking about a 3D pen commission. I'm getting the feeling either my prices are too high or nobody's really interested in them. So I'm wondering: are my prices for 3D pen commissions are too high? Please take a look at my prices below and be honest:

Head: $35

Bust: $50

Full Upper Torso: $75

Full Body: $150

3D Scene (2+ characters interacting together):
$250-$300

---

- Wings: +$40

- Simple clothing such as a collar, socks, belt, or even just a simple nearly skin tight shirt, shorts, etc:
Free

- Multiple layered and/or colored clothing, skirts, capes or hooded cloaks:
+$30

- Fully detailed clothing with multiple colors and features:
+$50

- Make Clothing and Accessories detachable:
+$75

(NSFW is available at no charge)


Please be honest with me and tell me if you think that my prices are too high to start with. I offer a 25% incremental payment plan for those who can't pay up front (feel free to ask me if you want to know more about that), but I priced them simply because they take time and effort to make, but I'm also seeking to make a little money on the side with my job, but I want to do things right, even if it means starting a little slow.
Depending on the feedback I get, I'll write a follow up journal with a resolution.

I met a friendly raccoon at the lake a few months back and it turned out she was a mother. I got some video footage of her and her babies.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8qf2qxDOINQ