(Taken from my upload “Identity”)

Welcome those who read descriptions, been a fair bit if you are interested. Hell it’s been a long while now since I’ve been active on fa, and I think that’s pretty cool. Honestly it’s been a hell of a ride being a furry and I’m happy to still be on the train enjoying myself even if my crowd is small or I have relatively no friends here.

Irl I’ve really started to pivot away from art. I still draw here to there and have a good hand when I get warmed up but really… I kind of focus coloring things that are owned by my partner. Not the worst thing but I feel it does wear away my skills. Something else I also feel upset about is losing out on uploading. But I feel like it’s fair to not be uploading right now, y’know?

I’m in a weird part of my life where I’ve all but left art behind and I’m changing majors- now I still plan to upload AND create but when will I get that vitality? That’s the crux of the issue. I suppose it doesn’t matter my audience will just have me watched and when I do sprout back up people will flock to me.

I think the main thing I need to wait for is some weird mental encouragement, speaking a bit more open here is making me realize just how much of a failure I am since I left art like… a year or two ago. Maybe there’s a lot more problems in the proverbial weeds but- I’ll say that’s the issue.

Hell it’s not that I’m not creative, I have a ton of awesome projects and ideas I would love to post on fa, but part of me feels like the idea of what happened before will happen again.

I’m gonna try to have some sort of hope and resolve though, I’ll keep having my fun ideas in my head and see if I can push myself to get some system to upload to you guys, I want to start having artwork here again and feel like I’m not abandoning my creativity, it’s something I still feel like I have a talent for, and even if it doesn’t make me a penny in my life- I want to show something.

Huff- very deep and dramatic sorry but honestly felt great to get it out!

See art version of this post here: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/56678863/

And I’m not above it…

Well life has been ase. No doubt obvious I haven’t gotten much of a chance to upload…

It’s not that I even haven’t had a chance to draw- I have a ton of art to upload I just haven’t had the ability to… which sucks, feels like I’ve lost a lot of momentum.

Well. And if I do get back to it I have artwork I promised I would get done, though I feel bad it had to fall on the back burner.

Regardless I don’t care.. I’m sorry- I’ve heard my artwork has actually been catching attention- so that’s actually making me happy- but god I don’t feel like I have had the mental capacity to upload.

I guess that’s what happens when things are hobbies rather than jobs- the switch goes on n’ off…. Ugh- I’m sorry if anything- but just feel like updating the disappearance, so if this turns into a hiatus apologies.

- Rare

Heeeey dudes

Not dead, just takin a bit of an interim before I go back to making/uploading more artwork, probably gonna start up again next week!

See you all soon!

So SMRPGLOTSS is coming out and I know for a fact that people (furries) are gonna GUSH over Belome! SO. I’m gonna just post and date this now because Belome has not been seen at the posting of this journal, this is basically statement.

I AM A BELOME STAN/LOVER/WHATEVER.
I played the games long ago, I knew about Belome long ago, this isn’t the first time I’ve learned about it. Wayback and you’ll probably see I’ve posted about this game as one of my favorites as a kid!
I just don’t feel like posting about Belome, but I do have some personal art and stuff I’ve done, just not gonna post it maybe, the point is:

ANY OF YALL WHO POST ABOUT IT AND SAY HOW MUCH “LOOOOOOVE” THE BLOB, ARE 1000% LIARS. ONLY TRUE BELOME FANS GET IT.

(This is gonna make me look insane this is kind of a joke)
(This is what I get for playing this game as a kid, you get overly attached when your niche thing becomes mainstream, this is great!)

Yeah it’s my birthday today, I think~

I just feel like using the “secret journal” to put down my thoughts for the future so it may be a bit rambly- but that’s why…

Damn, you know this year has brought with it a ton of changes to my personality and tastes. Some good some bad, you know I thought things were going terrible for me, but honestly only slightly bad- so I’m pretty happy when it comes to that. If anything they’re gradually getting better.

Recently I’ve been reconnecting with old OCs, finding a lot of new things to do to pass the time, jobs- I was close to finding a place to actually make friends with a discord but- that fell through- ngl glad I didn’t post about FA there. Not that many people actually want to talk with me also… so, I suppose that’s fine if I’m a bit more alone like I used to be.

I guess that’s the one thing that remains constant is that heavy impactful loneliness, maybe I’ll make another journal on it. Just dump my life story and see if anyone is remotely interested in talking about it, I’ll save it for now. I just honestly wish I had my old friends back and didn’t mess anything up, maybe then everything would be okay in my perspective. However I get it, people move on and have far more important lives. (Guess that’s vain of me to say, but I feel one can deserve to speak as such from time to time.)

Otherwise as an update, yeah.. I’m still searching for a fursona, If anyone can even believe it.. I really do wish I just finally had that identity I could put on my account and be so proud of. Not to mention it’s put me off from commissioning others/ getting merch, honestly not something I’m interested in but it would at least convince me to get some fursuit pieces (maybe). Honestly the more important thing would be getting an Aokmaidu commission, that’s been on the wishlist for years now. Buut with no fursona I really can’t just ask for the colorless wolf so.. yeah that hurts. Because I’d love for it to be a sort of capstone to this whole journey. I’d go all out in cost with all my rp characters maybe.
Regardless it’s something I’ve never really brought up before. I suppose we’ll see if this year can make a difference.

…Hm suppose this wasn’t as upbeat a journal as I wanted… more self reflective on how the past year has treated me and things on my mind, I do appreciate everyone who (actually) still watches me and enjoys my content. It sucks being a traditional artist in 2023 because I can’t do the hyper HD “my art looks like everyone else’s” style, and I’m glad I don’t look like every other furry artist on the planet yet still get attention. I am going to start posting old OC artwork soon because it’s stuff I genuinely like and am also proud of it. So that’ll probably suck for a lot of you because I know why a lot of you watched me in the first place. Maybe the more time that passes the more things stay the same, we’ll have to wait and find out I suppose.

Have a good day everyone,
Rarecrazy the ???

God I love using FA as some sort of secret journal, though I willingly delete old stuff I love seeing this account change over the years...


ANYWAY HI, BEEN AWHILE. LETS TALK.
To drop the Avengers level spoiler, as of a month or so ago I have completely given up in my artistic career and am officially moving on to find a better venture for myself, that's the short of it. Yeah, after like 7/8 years, yep it is uh... all over. I have taken the time to move on from it, yet it still upsets me here and there.

That said I don't think I am done drawing, its an incredibly fun hobby and it brings me a smile when I do get to work and if y'all want really cheap traditional commissions by my hand, just ask. Cause I promise you, you will not find someone who offers traditional artwork anymore, good luck.
Also I am still gonna post some art and stuff here and there, not the super crazy stuff, just share more inventive artwork, guaranteeing you now, not as much because I am terribly lazy and slow... (xx)
(Also on a similar note, my old artwork from recent times should be available but it is scrapped now because I like rotating the catalogue, I see it as the archive while newer work indicative of my current skill stays featured, but please feel free to browse comment on and favorite stuff, unlike others, I don't feel embarrassed about my old work)

Also, please reach out for free art requests trades and commissions if you want, I don't want a job, just to share in some fun. But getting a couple bucks for work as I am a broke college student would be sweet (since now I am pivoting my degree and that costs a ton). (also If you offer MTG cards I'll even do commissions for you!)

That said I... don't have much else to say, I am just cleaning up my account and making it look well adjusted to what it should be nowadays cause the last version was not very reflective of how my life has changed. (I was a polar bear like once a few years ago, literally have 38 or some fursonas and am still trying to figure that out as well. Bleh don't talk to me bout that...)

One last update is my uh other accounts and profiles for other services like discord or TG, reach out to me in some way if you want them and uh we can talk somewhere that doesn't deliver mail by horseback. However I am generally more restrictive with who I talk to where because I am a rather quite person online.

And lastly, I am alive, account isn't dead even if my last post is from years ago. Just reach out!
-Rarecrazy

it is the date of birth, for me,

and its finally summer. Last semester from school was a pain but it's finally over.
Hopefully I can start uploading what I've been making over this blank period of time maybe even open up some workshop projects to make some cash, well see! See ya all!