Every day I am thankful to my friends, those that stay close to me, that are able to deal with my rather harsh truth and my utter-nonsense. I am grateful to their love and their devotion and even though they don't always understand the reasons why I do things, they need to understand that everything that I do is for them, because I will be selfish for them, I will be vile for them, I will be a horrible monster for them if the need arises.

Sometimes it overwhelms them the way I can be, and it is understandable but I am not the sort of person to fault them for their misunderstandings of my nature, I am not the sort of person to think ill of them because they disagree. In fact, it strengthens me that they sometimes disagree with me, it shows me other facets of things that I don't always see, it shows me different colors to the same flowers that from my perspective I am incapable of seeing.

I love and care for them, because they are my family, the only ones worthy of my trust, the only ones worthy of my care. That is something that I do not give freely, that isn't something that I give to many, those that are important to me. I am sure that they know who they are.

While I never expect them to agree or be okay with the choices I make, I sincerely hope that they understand that I do them because I trust them, because I have faith in them, and because I know in the end of things that they will be stronger, and they will be able to grow from them.

May they never worry over how I feel about them, may they feel my intents for them regardless of how cruel or ruthless they may seem.

<3

Ravens

So, yeah. I'm not dead, I have been doing art, I just don't have a scanner and I have been having computer issues so havent been able to do much art at all on the computer. I was rping in Second life, and I do think that it is a great place full of a lot of great people but as far as role playing goes, it isn't like how it used to be. Too many people take things personal, and really arent able to separate the Player from the character, so I don't know if I'm actually going to go back to rping there, it just causes too many issues with the same people. It isn't really worth the stress, or the drama that it causes, so I'm not sure if it is something that I want to do. Thought about using another character, but if people cant separate, it isnt worth me spending money on something if the same shit is going to happen. I still role play just not in second life, and not until people understand that none of that shit really matters anyway.

I will probably post something when I get my new computer, whenever that is. Hopefully soon sometime, but who knows.

So I have been gone a lot, been rping on SL, second life. The place I have been rping is called Everwind, it is a medieval fantasy role play sim, the rules are rather ridged but within reason. They only need a character sheet if your character is weird or strange, and not the average of the listed types of characters that they have. It is a lot of fun there, it has inspired me to do a lot of art that I am still working on. There are guilds you can join on it, and there are a lot of different things to look at and to wander around in. They also have rp classes, I still go to them to help better myself as a role player. They use a dice system that was created by a player in the place, and all the GM's there are fair and rather understanding. So, if you are on Second life or you have thought about doing a different kind of role play Second Life and Everwind is definitely a place to go and look at.

I play an Ancient, or Dragon there. Playing Raven very close to how he is, it is a load of fun. And if you like DnD, or other sorts of games like that. It is a lot like that. Oh and I should be posting more art soon. Unless I get distracted by whatever again.

So I have been thinking a lot lately. Thinking about why I do art and what inspires me to do art. To be perfectly honest I do it so it will help me move on with whatever issue I am having. I have a bad habit of holding onto something and resenting a person or whatever for a long time. I can't let go, I won't let go is what I usually I tell myself, I think to myself that they should be harmed that something should be done to them for hurting me. But. I think that after thinking and talking with someone lately I am able to just do the art of what I feel and what I think regardless of what people will think of me. If they want to think me fluffy, or a monster or a horrible person or whatever their imagination tells them that I am. There thought and there perception is theirs and mine is mine. I know who and what I am so it doesn't matter what other people think. Sure I am banned from a few chat rooms on dAmn but it doesn't matter in the end right. I am still doing what I enjoy, which is a lot of different fun things. Art, Writing, Dancing, Video games, hanging out with friends and being myself. OMG being myself ooh what a concept. =3
Yeah, so I won't dampen who I am just because some person tells me that I am not acceptable or that I am not serious enough or that I am not cool. What do I care? And why should I. If you don't like me fine, if you do fine. I will be happy either way, I will be smiling whether you want me to or not.

I have been feeling a lot of different things lately, some of it good and some of it bad. A few days ago someone broke my heart, it wasn't that I was in love with them or anything but I did care for them like a little sister. I know that I had to just let go and let them fall on their own, I have to let them make their mistakes, I have to remember that it isn't my responsibility to save them. I felt so angry and hurt by what they had told me but I seem to have gotten through it alright and I am very happy about that. I did a few types of art called "The Will of Omega" To get through a lot of the emotional pain that I was going through. A lot of my ill will is put into them so for the most part they aren't very nice.

My heart and my head were arguing with each other and then I apologized to the person at first but I probably shouldn't have because I hadn't done anything wrong and so when I was scolded I felt like my heart was being torn out of my chest, and it wouldn't be just then it was every time I talked to them. I just couldn't deal with the pain after awhile, it had driven me to do a lot of things and a thought in a way I hadn't thought in a long time.
So... I just dropped all of it, and I am sure it probably made a few people angry but I know that I will be okay now.

I have to water my garden and tend to my flowers before I can take care of others, if they want the help...

I have been talking to my muse a lot more lately and he has been helping me open up my mind so it can blossom like how it had once done. I am so glad to have him in my life again because my heart feel very light and it pounds hard when he is around. I do love him, but like a brother. A little brother. Rofls.


My mom and my sister seem to be a bit more pleasant since I have moved out, I mean sure my mom isn't getting half my income anymore but she seems to just be happy that she can be more free to do whatever she wants in her house again. I have been talking to her on msn lately, which is a big thing because she barely knows how to turn on a computer.

Yeah, so I'm not dead. I have just been busy with life and been trying to figure out a few things is all. I should be posting a few new stories here in a little bit hopefully. They are both stories that I have wanted to work on for awhile and I haven't really written anything like it before. They are both transformation stories that involve romance of some sort. It is something that is entirely new to me and so I am hoping that I will be able to write it okay. I am hoping for a bit of feed back on both of them. Both involve my character David Obaicos. Yeah...so I will be working on the short stories shortly. If you want to leave me a message or just say hey, I am usually on my dA account more often and chilling in the chat rooms. =D Until later,

"David Obaicos"