10 years ago I was... 15

1.Making - My way through highschool, unsure of myself
2.Watching - Simpsons
3.Listening - Country/Christian
4.Eating - fatty foods
5.Chatting - geoff and johnny
6.Wearing - male clothes
7.Crushing - Not so much crushing as needing to be laid every 2 mins
8.Feeling - extremely depressed
9.Studying - High School
10.Dreaming - Freedom

Today I am 25

1.Making - My way through transition and trying to make my way through the world
2.Watching - Simpsons, futurama, family guy, american dad, a few select movies
3.Listening - Anything but Rap
4.Eating - Wendy's decently healthy foods
5.Chatting - IRC, AIM, MSN, Yahoo
6.Wearing - Female clothing (YAY!)
7.Crushing - Kyubi, Speccy, Kasha
8.Feeling - Almost comfy with myself
9.Studying - How to better myself
10.Dreaming - Surgery

Stolen (and modified) from  nikkiskyotie

Outside the lines
Not in the norm
Who am
Where do I fit in?

I know I'm me,
Know I'm physically female
I'm not so sure
I know the inside

Where do I sit
On the gender spectrum?
Male? Female?
Both? Neither?

I am me,
No one else knows
No one else can explain
Others have tried

Confusing
Puzzled
Interesting
Gender Queer

I was at a Pride event last night. Sex toys for Queer girls, and I had a blast. That was, until the event ended and a couple of the girls there saw me sitting in the back. It was about then that I got a few "What the hell are you doing here" looks. This brings me to today's post.

Why is there all this segregation in the LGBTIQ2 community?

I mean, I know we all have our own groups we belong to, and stick to our own communities, but does that really call for hate-mongering and despising someone if they don't belong to your group? The lesbians and gays get along (from what I've seen), and I know this probably isn't the case everywhere, but they ostracize the Bi's, the Trans and the Intersexed, at least, that's what I've seen. Now, before you dig into me for not naming all the groups, I know there's quite a few, but I can't remember some of them. I mean, we are all supposed to be part of the rainbow community, and supposed top help eachother in times of need, but it has been my experience that if I was to ask a lesbian for help with something, I'd be laughed at or told flat out no from some of them (not all). I mean, some of my closest friends are lesbians.

Come on, people, wake up. Alot of the discrimination faced by alot of the communities is what the lesbians and gays were fighting against 50 years ago. It's the same thing the blacks went through and before that, the Irish. You think we'd all help each other, and on several occasions, the trans community has backed up the Gay and Lesbian community, but there was a case in Alberta where, when GRS (Gender Re-assignment Surgery) was delisted in a purely underhanded move by the Alberta Government that only a handful of the Gay community came to back us up and show support. Some of them said they felt it didn't affect them, so they were staying out of it.

I'm just so tired of seeing all this segregation between the communities. It's heart breaking. Remember what Pride week is all about. Love, support and helping others. Why can't we carry this in us all year round instead of one week per year?

I leave it to you, the reader, to decide what you're going to do about this. Love or Hate? Help or Abandon? Do something amazing or Stand in the sidelines? it's up to you.

I am no longer Richard Harld Bennett.
I am now legally Gina Renee Bennett.

THATS RIGHT! I GOTTED MAH NAME CHANGEDED!

So, I'm not sure what to talk about tonight. Perhaps I'll just let my mind wander.

People at work are almost completely refering to me as she, even when I'm not there, which is cool.
Yesterday didn't go to well. I kinda threw up my pills and went through the worst case of PMS (I guess you could call it) that I've ever had. Needless to say no one was pleased and they almost sent me home. Today, however was better. Even though Paul McCartney was playing down the street from work, and we were swamped, I was in a really good mood all day.

I need to get my phone up and running. I'm thinking that this coming pay, if I have a decent amount, I'll be putting some on it in hopes of getting it paid off by the time I get to Ontario.

While I was in Indiana, Kyubi-mate did something really awesome for me. She purchased a copy of Final Fantasy 7 in almost mint condition for me and I recently found my PSx memory card so I've been playing that. God I've missed the game. It's one of my all-time favourites

A few of you know a deep secret of mine. I've discovered I'm Polyamorous and I have 3 mates at the moment. Some people may see this as a crime, but I however, don't. It's impossible for me to love just one person, and I'm much happier now that I have a circle of people I surround myself with. I'm considering bringing in a fourth.

Kyubi-mate and Spectra-mate as well as Calientra and Lffy, Becca-sis and Ryuu have applied for an apartment which makes me squee! The next time I go down, I'll have a whole new territory to explore and a whole new neighbourhood as well. I can't wait. We're talking about me going down for Christmas. i know it may not happen, but it would be awesome if it did. I'd love to spend the holidays with my loved ones, and if I can make it work, as in have enough funds, I may be going to Toronto from there. It's just mind candy for now.
Pride week is fast approaching and I can't wait. i'm taking the entire week off and I'm also volunteering. There's actually a few events I have booked in, including one where I may actually get to get breastforms which would be awesome, because even though I have natural ones of my own, they don't quite show atm, and it's annoying. It kinda looks like very large moobs atm. That doesn't mean they're not there tho! Also, I has curveses, well sorta. I'm slowly getting there.

I'm still getting sirred alot, but that will change with tme, I hope.

I had an appointment with Jim Oulton the other day, and I told him that other than the beast down there, I'm starting to become comfortable with myself. I like the way I dress, I like the form fitting clothes I'm getting and I love what the estrogen is doing for me. Over the past few weeks, surgery has become a 100% sure thing, but is also no longera driving force in my life.

I find lately when I'm playing music, or if a song I like comes on the radio, I'll break into dance and sing along. I love this. I was never able to do this before and it's exhilirating.

Hmmm...I'm not sure what else to write about, as my brain is kinda tired. I did an 8.5 hour shift on like....5 hours of sleep. I'll see you all later.

-Gina

Would anyone like to hang out with me and help celebrate?

I have poems published in a book and the University of Toronto ordered 100 copies.

The Book is called Transmissions. You can buy copies at Venus Envy here in Halifax.

when i'm done with thinking, then i'm done with you.
when i'm done with crying, then i'm done with you.
when i feel so tired, then i'm done with you.
everybody feels this way sometimes, everybody feels this way -

and i do.
you can't hear it, but i do.
you can't hear it, but i do.

you're trying to convince me that what i've done's not right.
i get so frustrated, i stay up every night.
you ask me for an answer, and i'm so tired and i'm up in the air.
everybody feels this way sometimes, everybody feels this way -

and i do.
you can't hear it, but i do.
you can't hear it, but i'm feeling this way
just because you say
[ Lisa Loeb Lyrics are found on www.songlyrics.com ]

i will be ignored.
i will be denied.
i could be erased.
i could be brushed aside.
i will get scared, and i will get shoved down,
but i feel like i do beause you push me around.

i'm starting to ignore you, i've doubted you so long.
i'm tired of over-thinking, i know you don't belong.
now i'm asking questions - no one pushes me around.
everybody feels this way sometimes, everybody feels this way -

and i do.
you can't hear it, but i do.
you don't seem angry, but i do.
i do.

I talked with my mother and stepfather. Things could have gone better. She picked me up and we went to the Tim Hortons on Quinpool road down the road from where I work. We sat and talked. She told me that she thought me giving her an ultimatum was unfair and that she'd never do such a thing to me. She also tried to tell me she's never once outted me to the public, while calling me by my given name and he all day. All I could do was stare at her and bit my tongue when she asked me to name an incident where she had. She told me that her version of support and my version were two totally different things.

I tried to explain to her that gender is not dictated by what's between the legs, but rather by the brain. I tried to explain that I had never been her son, but her daughter. I tried to tell her that I remembered her admitting to knowing I was jealous of my sister and mentioned that she must have known that even at a young age, she must have known I was different and she shrugged it off with a "So?"

She has decided at this point because her beliefs clash with what I am asking of her that she is unwilling to support ment, and I gave her the ultimatum of either this or I was cutting it off. I don't know where to go or what to do. On top opf all of this, I found out my next months meds will be $116 for a monnths supply. I'm never going to make it at this rate....
I'm off for now...

I woke up around 9am, to an MSN message from my mother. After a month of not hearing from her, she would like to get together and talk next week. I don't know how I feel. I'm nervous, upset, happy, angry, scared and giddy all at the same time.

I was in to see my endo today. I have some rather bad news.

Not only have I put on 30 lbs, but my body has stopped responding to the Spironolactone. My T is skyrocketing. A normal female is around 2.4. A normal male is around 8-28. I'm currently sitting at 23, and that is up from 18 at the last visit. I'm confused and scared. Dr Gee gave me two new perscriptions. Androcure and Estrace. I'm kinda curious as to how these will affect me. I'm hoping they'll fix some of my problems and that I'll start responding alot better. I had a point after finding out, that I just...couldn't think. I sit here blasting music as I listen to this, debating whether or not I should go to the Youth Project's Queer Prom tonight. I am able to dress casual, if I so wish, but I can't do a damned thing with my hair, so yeah..

I'm not really sure what to do. I upset Kyubi today, and I didn't mean to. What I said slipped out before I could stop it.

Maybe I just needed to vent, I don't know.

I'm out for now.

-Gina

how many of you have found "The One"? You know, the one who makes you smile in the morning when you first wake up. The one who fills your heart with warmth every time you see them because you know they're yours. The one you feel sooo empty being apart from

I think I've finally found peace.

She brings a smile to my face every time I'm around her, and it seems like an eternity without. She's sweet, she's kind, and she understands me on a base level that most dont.

I know it sounds sudden, but for the first time in my life, I'm considering marriage

I was in tears the other night when I realized I may have to come back to Canada. I feel so happy hear, and I dislike NS with a passion. one of m friends said they'd talk to a few friends in Toronto and try to find me crash space as well as set me up with a job. If I could set up with a job in Toronto, this would be awesome, because it would give me freedom I crave. I'd be able to pay off my student loan, and save up to coe back and visit my mate.

I'm sooooo bloody confused.

Thats right

www.furnation.com is going under.

Well, I thought I should post an update so you all dont think I've disappeared off the planet or something.

I'm currently sitting in my mate's den in Indiana until June. It's a lovely 19 degree celcius day and cloudy. After an 11 1/2 hour flight, I was met by my mate at the airport and we went out to Bravo and I absolutely loved it.

The last couple of days have been awesome. We're cleaning the apartment and doing other stuff in between. I've played pool, gone to the all american flea market, Eaten at Arby's and done a few roadtrips.. I can't wait to see what the rest of the month has in store for me.

For once in my life I feel completely happy and peaceful. I think at this point, I'll be going back to Canada, paying off my student loan and then coming back here to live with my mate and givinbg school a second shot. I have to go out sometime next week and talk to a few colleges around here and take a look at their programs.

I will be updating sporadically, so keep an eye out for more journals from a travelling wolfcoon!

4 pictures didn't upload properly. i'll try later with those.

I'm uploading some of my favorites from my old account.

I think I finally made a friend at work. I talked to her the other day a bit about my transition, and asked her how she'd like being a tutor, and it kind of caught her off guard when I went into girl-mode and asked her to help me figure out clothes, makeup and the lot. She got right perky and happy and such and I think she said yes, so yay! Happy! I may have a teacher. I'm going to make a list of the things I need to go over, and such, and see if she would like to devote a day helping me learn the basics, or at least, brush up on what I'm rusty on....

my blog can be found at http://ravenwolfcoon.blogspot.com/

Hey!
I've got a new blog. All my day to day updates may very well be done there from now on. Big news and such will still be posted here, and I will still be on FA like.....every day, but I need some place that's....*mine*

We'll see justy how long this lasts.

http://ravenwolfcoon.blogspot.com/

Bah! Why do I find it so hard to keep updates going? I say I'll keep updating regularily and then it's like I forget about it. I'm sorry!

I had my first Laser Hair Removal session this week. It was interesting. I couldn't feel my face for like 4 hours. It was a rather odd feeling. I went out and bought myself a new book as a reward for getting it done. They told me it'd take 2 wekks befire I noticed any changes, but I can already see the difference.

I've been having a hard time at home. I know it's hard for my parents to call me Gina, but it's like they're not even trying. I'll remind them, and they'll promptly forget. My mother has flat out refused. I'm looking at dropping her from my life all together. People say it's wrong of me to expect them to call me Gina, but with the same logic, isn't it wrong to expect me to respond if they call me Richard? I told my father this last night and he told me I was being confrontational. I told him yes, I was and he'd better get used to it.

I have a new computer now and I'm back playing WoW. I'm on Moonguard with my Girlfriend if anyone's interested. My name is Trasta and I'm a hunter.

My girlfriend says she's willing to support me if I move in with her. SHe's willing to support me if I go back to school, so yeah. I'm looking into school in her area, and trying to figure out how I'm going to pay back 5 Grand. I'm no longer in school. I couldn't take the stress at the time. I *will* be going back eventually.

I almost completely managed to give up smoking, but once again, I'm back at it. At least now, it's not as much and I can now go days without a smoke.

Anywho, I'm off to work once again.
I'll talk to you all later

*Scoots*

I had my first session already and holy shit. I can see the difference. They told me it'd take to weeks. My face is kinda smooth now! Fwee!

OMG! My father purchased a new computer today and I can finally see FA as it was meant to be seen. I'm waiting for WoW patches to download.

Stolen from Eura!

GIRLS MEME:

Do you sleep in your bra? No

Do you enjoy drama? At times

Are you a girly girl? No

Last person you hugged? I can't remember

Small or big purses? Big

Do you think you’re conceited? Yes

Do you dress up on Halloween? No

Where is the weirdest place you have slept? A snowbank

Has anyone touched/smacked your butt? Yes

Last person who walked you somewhere? I don't know

Do you call anybody by their last name? No

Do you wear makeup? Sometimes

Ever cried at a movie theater? Yeah

Can you put mascara on without opening your mouth? Yeah

Do you think Ryan Sheckler is cute? I have never heard of this individual.

Have you ever been called a bad influence? Of course.

THIS OR THAT:

Eyeliner or Mascara? Eyeliner

Louis vuitton or dooney? Neither.

American Eagle or Hollister? AE
Heels or flats? Flats

Skirts or pants? Pants

Hoodies or jackets? Jackets

Heels or sneakers? Sneakers
Straight or curly hair? It depends on my mood

RANDOM:

What color is your bra that your wearing? Black

Do you prefer light or dark haired guys? It depends on my mood.

Are you currently frustrated with a guy? Of course.

Do you have a best friend? Not anymore.

Have you ever thought of having plastic surgery? Yes

Do you like your life? No.

Have you ever jumped in the pool with your clothes on? There are people who haven't?

Would you ever tell someone you loved them even though you didn't? I have

Have you ever slapped a boy in the face? No

Have you ever cried yourself to sleep? Yep

Have you ever not been able to get someone off of your mind? Yes

Have you ever had a good feeling about something? Yes. This is a stupid question

Are you currently missing someone? Yes
IN A BOY:Preppy or Punk/Goth? ...riight..

Well-educated or Dropout? Depends

Anything Cute or Abercrombie?...what?Contacts or Glasses? Glasses

Funny or Serious? circumstances

Long
Hair or Short Hair? depends

Curly Hair or Straight Hair? Depends

Good Dancer or Good Singer? Singer

Basketball Player or Football Player? Neither

Smoker or Non-smoker?non-smoker (meaning no cigs, weed is good though)

Drinker or Non-drinker?dont matter as long as he aint an alcoholic

Hey all! Its Gina. I needed to prune my watch list.a change of name was also in order. I will be updating periodically as I may have a new computer