It's been a few weeks since I've really been able to do this, but I haven't forgotten my own little side project just yet. X3 Since it's finals week for me, I'm reminded of how often find myself being caught up in my own space in time when these tests come around. What I mean is that I shell up and stick to what I know...whether it's studying habits, what kind of food I eat, the types of movies/shows I watch and of course the music that I play. I suppose it's just a way for me to take a few more risks out of my life to ease myself with what I know and am familiar with...which in turn alleviates some extra stress. This week is no exception, so lets get started. =3

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sX3ve_1vRA8 (Letterbomb - Green Day) There is so much I could say about this song. It's furious, razor sharp, and it's on one of the greatest punk albums to ever be released. DO ME A BIG FAVOR!!! When you listen to this song...start listening to it at normal volume, what ever volume your comfortable with...but when the video hits 2:20 -exactly- crank up your volume as loud as you can until the song ends! I promise you, it will feel like raw power like none you've ever heard.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VNWxDa_RS6c (Red Flag - Billy Talent) I loved to play Burnout Revenge while played this tune in the background. Both me and my old friend from back in the day knew we could win any race in that game so long as this song was tuned in. It wasn't soon after that I started listening to Billy Talent more and more...and I'm happy that I did. They remain another of my loyal favorites to this day. =3

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zf2VYAtqRe0 (Burning Love - Elvis Presley) I bet you weren't expecting that! =p Yes, I'm a fan of the King. The very start of this song gets my blood moving and my head grooving all the way back home. My parents get me hooked on this song as well as a few other songs that Elvis had sung from back in his day. And I have to say, it's always a nice throwback that I can listen to just to put a face on my muzzle. His voice and the instrumental can turn any gloomy day into a warm sunlit paradise to be happy and joyful about. ^_^

That concludes this weeks list! Let me know what you think of my songs! Even if it is 9 minutes past 11:59 I regret nothing!

I'm having so much fun trying coming up with music to share and what they mean to me. Last week I think was very successful with  anonym0use checking it out and opening up a conversation which is exactly what I wanted. ^_^ So without further delay, I'll go ahead and post this weeks three songs from the past.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=30VhRsLapt0 (Megaman 8 Opening Theme - Capcom) Ahhhhh yes...the days when old games had epic intros before you reached the title screen. Some do keep this glorious tradition but many games these days have the developers credits and then go straight to the title screen. This games intro was exceptional though because of the dream inspiring music and that old school gritty animation I love so much. I would turn my ps1 on and off several times just to listen and watch this into again and again. X3

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xoXo36YNQ2U (The Diary of Jane - Breaking Benjamin) This was another song from my late middle/early high school days that I could listen to on repeat for days. The opening of the song and ice cold lyrics sent shivers down my spine and electrified my my body with a powerful sensation. This was another album I had bought on CD (as you'll see with most of my earlier music) and it remains one my favorites with it's beautiful and haunting brand of hard rock. I have since then bought 3 of Breaking Benjamin's albums.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=udSHItTjWyQ (China Grove - The Doobie Brothers) This song was introduced to me by my parents being the old hippie rockers that they were. I didn't think much of it at the time, but as I exited J.C. and went to university I have found that this song always takes me back. There were many road trips to the mountains with this song playing in the car and my folks and I would all sing along. I haven't listened to much of their music alone but there are a few by this band that I keep very dear to my heart.

That's all for today's post. =3 I hope you enjoy the blast from the past worth of tunes in this journal and let me know what you think!
Have a kick-ass day!

So I might make this a thing...because why not? X3 These will be a short list of songs from my youth or oldies that I grew up listening to with my family. Even though I've branched out a lot since my days in middle/high school, I always find comfort and memories within the music that I have deep and cherished roots with. Let's begin! I hope you all enjoy my short list!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ud4HuAzHEUc (Pain - Three Days Grace) Every edgy teens theme song...ever. XD The album One-X was the third album I had ever bought on CD back in middle school. My parents hated this song with a passion but I want always turned it up in my room and sang along anyway. My first time hearing it was on 90.5 The Edge, a bay area radio station in Northern California which I believe does live streaming on the web.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L-4XsDQYDi4 (Mighty Wings - Cheap Trick) This song...oh man this song! This was probably the song that got me into hard rock back in early junior high. My Father had given me the Top Gun soundtrack for Christmas one year as a stalking stuffer and I couldn't believe my ears. The whole album kicks major ass, but this song is timeless and with forever be a favorite of mine for as long as I shall live.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Ku_AsGTFkU (FRGT 10 - Linkin Park) Many people had considered the album Reanimation by Linkin Park to be a terrible remix of their first album. However while I was in middle school, I really dug the art on the CD case and bought it anyway. Whats even more unusual about this song is that it's basically a rap...probably the only one for years that I would have any care in the world to listen to. It's dark sound and shadowy lyrics really hooked me, and I would spend hours listening to this song on repeat with my old portable CD player. X3

That's all for now! Let me know what you all think. =D I'll give this a few more goes and see how people respond to it.
Have a great day!

Not gonna lie, this is me taking my anger out on my short-comings because of a resent event that ignited a whole strain of rage inducing thoughts. But I'm going to do it anyway because even when I'm not upset at myself this still ticks me off. And that my fuzzy friends, are people who whine about their cowardice and fear when I'm just as scared as they are, knowing that they will do better than I will.

So let me set up situation here...I'm siting next to this girl who panics about everything (she's been in another one of my classes before). She panics about presentations, exams, pop quizzes, and yet she manages to ace every single one of them. And then there's me, not expressing my fear or my lack of confidence in myself even though I've always had a history of not doing well on tests (thankfully presentations are quite the opposite for me). I have anxiety that would probably kill a man from the amount of stress I feel when midterms or finals come around, yet I have accepted this fact that I probably won't do as well as others and I will take it on the chin no matter what kind of grade I get. This girl who constantly complains to me and acts like she's about to fail the class has no idea that I'm just as scared as she is. She has no idea how much I've struggled through my whole life when it comes down to tests and yet this over-achieving bookworm dares to whine at me for some reason...and it just makes want to kick her teeth in.

I wish she would keep that crap to herself. I don't need to be reminded about myself every time I'm about to dig into my memory for the answers to something I'll most likely forget. I wish I had the confidence in myself to not worry but even when I over-prepare I still feel terrified that it's not enough, that I'm going to fail anyway. She has no right to feel insecure and then pass it along to people who are just as scared as she is.

EDIT: I know this journal may be petty to you but I didn't write it to appeal to anyone or your ethics. This is simply a release for myself.

Ugh...never again will I eat two hostess cakes, chocolate candy and an ice cream sandwich within a few hours of each other. I was writing a paper last night and I got a massive sugar craving so I couldn't help myself when I started running out of ideas. XD And now I'm paying for it in the morning.

I took a tums so hopefully that'll help out. But holy crap it feels like I've got a rock in my digestive track. >_< But! At least I got the paper done. lol

Tonight I want to take a moment and talk about how spoiled I really am. Because I have a special someone in my life who will always listen and be there even when I do the stupidest shit. As many of you are aware I have a certain Tiger in my life who I love very much. I don't think anyone will ever understand how special and wonderful he is, giving me all the caring and mentoring any one person could ever ask for in life. But I want him, and for all of you to know, why I am so lucky to have him as my Dad.

Arsen, is family to me. He has become a part of something that is very personal to me and beyond. I have a certain vision of the future, something that will make me the happiest cat on the plant...I call this vision, the dream. And when I look into the dream I see friends, a family of my own, a warm house to live in, and I see Arsen, my Daddy Tiger there with me. I want him to be a part of that, even if it's not perfect or doesn't come true at all...either way, I'll still want him there in my life.

He is a pure soul with a heart of gold who deserves just as much happiness as I do. He has chosen to be mine and mine alone, with loyalty that is warm with passion and stronger than diamonds. Although stubborn at times, he has never left me and I hope that he never does. We have had ups and downs together, but every mistake is a lesson, which we overcome as one and not as individuals fighting over how a mistake happened. We talk about it, we say our apologies and then we move on.

I am spoiled because most relationships don't make it past 1 mistake but we have made it past a few. And no matter where we both end up in life we will still love each other unconditionally. Both of his big hearts with mine nudged in the middle will beat proudly together until the end of our days...hell, to the end of time itself.

I love you Dad, always have and always will. <3

I'm doing a class assignment for a marketing project and I would really appreciate your input. =3 It'll only take a few minutes and it would mean a lot to me and my study group!

Thank you!

https://unlvhospitality.az1.qualtri.....R3u7X0CpYDypg1

Just thought you should all know. XD

How's everybody's Friday going?

I've got so much to say it's a bit daunting...but since I have more motivation now than the last few weeks I think it's time I began to speak my mind again. To be honest with you all, there isn't a whole lot of good I have to say. You have been warned.

I've come about in a very unusual way this year with school back in session and I've been doing new things at my job. I live day to day per usual but recently I have also been doing a lot of reflecting on my life. I wouldn't say it's like soul searching...maybe just a little I guess. But more like dredging up the events that led to where I am right now. Been thinking a lot about how much I'm ready to be done with school too, and how much I just want to break free from my parents like I've mentioned so many times before.

It's a really awkward phase I'm going through and sometimes it can really get me down. Motivation is probably the hardest part of it all. I have been asking myself so much more than ever before if I made the right choice leaving CA to study here in Nevada. I was so excited in the beginning when I first got my acceptance letter to UNLV. It was like a fresh start where I could make new friends and study towards a major I was genuinely interested in. And so far...I've barely made any friends, I always feel like meh, and I miss home now more than ever. The thrill is gone and now I'm clawing my way through the muck to achieve this milestone degree for myself. Top that off with loneliness and a bad outlook each day it it really starts to wear on you. Hell, I even ask myself what the hell is wrong with me. Is college not supposed to be at the height of your social life? The few people I have managed to befriend are well...not the same as the friends as back home. Everything feels conditional and so un-genuine or flat out fake.

And what do I even say about work? It's there...and I do it...and I get my compensation and call it a day (which is always followed by homework...yay). It don't help my matters at school, it just helps me get experience under my belt and money in my wallet. It's not a bad job, don't get me wrong about that, but it's something that can drain you emotionally. And if you have ever worked and done school at the same time you know that burnout is always something that you worry about. Shoot, I could be on burnout right now and the semester isn't even half-way done yet. XD So yeah, it's a mega pain in the ass and it'll probably shave a few years off of my life from the stress of it all. My weight and my diet are also out of hand, and I'm struggling to make that a priority as well.

Least we forget about my insane mother who always manages to throw that extra bit of salt on my wounds. Not intentionally sometimes, but it's enough to either make me really angry or a bit depressed. Once school ends so will that circle of bullshit between her and I.

And that just about sums up my life right now in a nut shell. I wish there was a way to be more optimistic about how things are going...and I guess in the grand scheme of things it looks great on paper. But inside I'm a wreck. I don't want the shit to hit the fan but I've been holding it all together for 4 weeks into the semester and sometimes all I want to do is bawl my eyes out and stay in bed. Talk about a thorn in my damn pride. Just thinking about myself getting like that annoys me.

So anyway, I'll push on like I always have and hope that things start looking better soon.

It's now 9:45 in the morning and I have already deleted and started this journal over twice. So instead of bitching and complaining on these things like I normally would when I'm feeling stressed or frustrated I'm going to change it up at bit.

I'm going to shake my mental fist at the powers that be and I will exclaim with great enthusiasm, "Fuck all y'all!"

And now I can walk to class feeling that much more accomplished.

Textbooks suck the life out of my bank account. <_< But alas, a new year has begun and I'm still sane after that clusterfuck that was last semester. So yay!

How is everyone doing in the new year?

You two faced drink of life. You get me moving when I need you but then you turn your back on me later. I can't take anymore digestive trama!!!

How is everyone else's Monday going? X3

I swear to gawd Rainbow Six: Siege is going to make me put a hole in the wall. Though I think the majority of that is also attributed to my dumbass friends who I play with online. XD It doesn't help matters to be kicked while you're down, but that has always been the nature of online gaming. You boast and taunt when you win and stay silent when you loose.

Ah well, at least I'm going somewhere with my life while they all kiss ass with minimum wage jobs. =p

As Frank Underwood would say, it takes real courage to hold it all in. No matter what you may be feeling. Today at work I felt so betrayed when a coworker of mine left me to deal with an angry mob of costumers. I won't go I to much detail because it is late and I am tired. But right now I'm angry and frustrated because I know she was in the wrong and I was a victim of her carelessness and her ego...she obviously doesn't give a shit about me. But since she is closer to the manager and supervisor than I, there is only so much I can do to stop her.

However despite all that, I opened my mouth and I let her know I was not happy with how she left me with no support. And she did exactly what I knew she would do. She denied her responsibility and acted like she had nothing to do with it. But she was clearly in the wrong...and it bugs me so much that I can't tell her to her face that she is wrong and that I have evidence to back it up. I'm trying so hard to stay cool but swallowing my own pride for the same of my job is a hard thing for me to do. It's cooking my brain just how badly I want to tell her she's a careless, irrational bitch that needs to be put in her place.

Toradoshi has a much loved dog in dire need of assistance. It's always hard having a pet who is struggling and in pain, so I ask all of my watchers to please donate generously or share this his journal to get the word around.

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/7254347/

This week has not been the relaxing week I desperately needed. I'm relieved that I passed all my classes and didn't have to deal with and repercussions concerning my grades, but now I'm getting fucked in the ass by unlv housing. I have never felt so betrayed by my own school before, it's incredible how incompetent residential housing is.

The biggest issue right now is money. My stay here has been paid for already but I have no way to feed myself, except for the money I saved for something OTHER than food and water. unlv's dining room for residents is closes so I can't eat there or anywhere else on campus. I only have a water heater and a microwave in my room (which I'm not even supposed to have mind you). I can live off of soup and power bars sure...but here is what makes me livid. I can't get my mail...which is how I get my paycheck. They are holding my fucking money captive while I've surviving off of saved money and giftcards. So I have to eat shit food to get by and I can't do anything about it because the housing staff are a bunch of shitty human beings that need to be dragged out, lined up and burned at the stake.

And to add insult to injury, I have no access to the laundry rooms here on campus so I have to kart my dirty clothes around now and to top it off...I soon wont have enough money to even do that! YET! The other fucking housing complexes can use their laundry machines. But not my complex. Nope! I have t find another place to do. Which I guess is fine with me because I don't want to give another dime to these low life mother fuckers.

I will never forgive the hosing department here. I can't wait to move out and then flip the bird to all it's staff in crime.

Really digging this genre more and more. If anybody has some folk music they want to share then please do! =3

Thanks! I hope you are all having a good Monday so far!

The longer I'm out here away from home the more disconnected things get when it comes to the people back home I've kept close. With the exception of a few...and I mean a very few, friendships I've had have diminished to the point where I wonder if they're still worth saving. I won't hide the fact that I have also done a piss poor job at making new friends here at university so it makes it more difficult to turn my back on supposed "friends" I've known since high school and back even further.

It probably makes me sound like a bad person speaking about my friends this way. But on nights like tonight, enjoying some simple online gaming with my friends is a huge headache. We're so out of touch that they say things that do not making me feel good, and even I say some things that they feel hurt by. I can't be honest with them because I fear they won't want to be my friend anymore if I say the wrong thing...and I have to wonder if I should even give a shit anymore. They're not bad people by any means but at the same time they don't understand that I have evolved. My personality is changing and they have for the most part remained the same.

It's bittersweet it its own way, because while I don't want them to change either I wish that they could understand that I happen to be moving on with my life and I don't have time to sit on my ass and catch up in the latest games or drama when I'm working on my school. I have lots of time now that the semester is finally over but I don't even know if I want to play with them or talk with them anymore. I don't want to be anymore alone than I already am but I don't want to have to pretend to be one of the "guys" anymore.

When it comes time to say enough I really hope by then I'll have made some new friends. Ones who I feel comfortable and relaxed with.

Sorry to my watchers for being a negative-nancy. =/ I'll try and get some less problematic journals written soon! I Promise!

Why can't the world just go drink some beer, crank up some music and party?

Just why not? (I could use a beer myself)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Jy.....Xw&index=1

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=phA.....N8j1DmrNsUoXXw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7MysRW_YJjA

Fuck the blacklivesmatter movement. Call me what you will, but this despicable group is twisted and backwards beyond my comprehension. And every time I see people trying to bring a hint of it to my school I shake my at their petty cause. They need to understand that their victim complex is fueled by arrogance and their own bigoted ideas about how the rest of the world should treat them. It's about time mainstream youtubers called them out on their shit.

Over my time here at UNLV I have been asked many times by my peers and professors, why hospitality? Why on earth would I choose a major such as this? And I think I have figured out the reason for my attraction to it. Well...I've probably always known but now I want to express it.

It's more than just excellent costumer service and knowing how to lead and manage effectively. To me, it is about the fantasy of escaping the real world. I've been doing it the whole time I've been here...walking down the strip, wondering the casinos and convention centers and the halls of the hotels. It is something that makes me happy when I can step into an environment that shuns the reality outside it's doors. When I am surrounded by people laughing or relaxing or smiling, I can't help but smile with them. And I want to be the one that helps to keep the atmosphere alive. I am fascinated with everything about the experience from the staff to the architecture to the sounds and the smells. It all has to be perfect for the fantasy to stay alive.

It's the same thing we all do when we go to see a movie or read a book. All that matters is the experience without a care in the world about life. And I want to provide people with the experience of escaping. It's an art, and one that I am good at. And that is the reason I fight on in my studies, this is how I know that hospitality is right for me. Eventually, I hope that one day I will be the one to maintain the fantasy...where ever I may go.

There is so much that needs doing, but I'm feeling so lazy today. x_x I have two upcoming midterms with a quiz to top it off but I don't feel like doing anything today. I even tried to read for my upcoming quiz and I damn near fell asleep on the firs page! I guess it's because of the constant movement from school to work and then back to school again...but still, I need to push myself harder. >_<

But in all seriousness, I'll probably just go to sleep. XD

Due to having this discussion many times before I want to share with you all my favorite TV shows from my childhood. Because it's really important damn it! Keep in mind that I didn't get Cartoon Network until I was in high school so most of the shows listed here will most likely be from networks such as Foxkids and Kids WB. This list is in no order and I'll only put the shows down that I was actually interested in.

Static Shock
Jackie Chan Adventures
Metabots
Heavy Gear
Action Man
Big Guy and Rusty
Cubix
Monster Rancher
Yu-Gi-Oh
Digimon
Roughnecks
Sherlock Holmes in the 22nd Century
Escaflowne
X-Men
Ozzy and Drix
Xiaolin Showdown
Archies Weird Mysteries

And there you have it. =3 See anything that you might have watched?

Today has been a hell of a day. And there are things that I have myself to blame for, things I shouldn't be worried about but am, and things that are neither black or white...just a big grey area.

I have come to realize that even with my incredible success with getting this job I have just started, I haven't been taking very good care of my schooling. Looking over my grades I have missed assignments, a failed quiz, classes skipped and today I had to drop a class that I won't even get a partial refund for. The reality of the situation is that I haven't put in the proper time or energy to focus on my schooling. I've gotten so worked up about my job that school only seems like a second priority...and I swore to my family that I wouldn't do that. My neglect is all on me, and I am ashamed of myself.

The class I dropped today was a whole other beast. It was a 1 a week class that solemnly relied on group work in order to get a grade. It was a class that I wasn't to fond of since there was so much dedication to group work...but for some reason I feel as though I should have toughed it out. Looking back on my mistakes so far I'm sort of happy that I dropped it, but I don't feel as lifted as I should. Sure, I got some time back that I need for my other classes but as a result I lost money and I feel more like a coward that anything for not sticking with it. It's a really shitty feeling even though it's probably the best option considering my circumstances.

Then there are issues back at home that are also making me feel uneasy. My mother is having issues with her eye and my grandfather is having more medical complications. I know that it doesn't do me any good to worry over things I have no control over...but it's like telling a dog to lay down after throwing a bone. I just can't help it, I worry about them because they are family and I give every shit about their conditions. So it doesn't help that I have school and work on my mind and then having to bare my concern for my family.

I know what I have to do. I'm not looking for encouragement or sympathy, though I welcome any support. But as always, writing all this out is more therapeutic than anything else. It puts my head at ease to know that I have a way of putting my thoughts out.

I hope that everyone is having a better day than I am. X3

While I sit here in this miserable diagnostics clinic with screaming infants and disgruntled patients I sit here with a valuable purpose. I am sitting here because as of last Tuesday I got hired by Ceaser's Entertainment! =D

So as of now I am waiting to get my official drug test done before going to orientation. I am so happy to finally get a job for myself and did it by myself. ^_^ I'll be extremely busy, but I will also be making decent money and will also be getting experience that I desperately need.

Wish me luck!