I dont even know what to say here.
*flails*
i dont feel committed enough to do this
Things like this are only fun for a while and then i get bored.
i miss my online friend. *sniffles*
i cant decide what i am.
i cant decide what to do.
i think to much about everything
*sobs*
i wish i could just start life over.
*sighs*

I cant believe all the mean comments and cyber-bullying rebecca has received from singing one little song on youtube.
ugg, i dont even know what to do anymore

Name: Sam
*Nicknames: Red, Sambam, Crazy,
*Zodiac Sign: Aires
*Eye Color: Blue
*Hair color: Reddish Brown/Chesnut
*Height: 5' 2"
*Weight: 120lbs
*Right or Left Handed: Right
*Right or Left Footed: i guess right...?
*Sexual Orientation: Straight
*Piercings/Tattoos: ears (i want a tattoo....mom wont let me get one :P)
*How many siblings: 2 older bros, one younger one
*Pets: dog, ginea pig, fish,
*Could you make a dollar in change?: why do you wanna know?

FAVORITE…
*Kind of pants: depends on my mood
*Number: 13, cuz its unlucky :)
*Color: lavender, light blue, light pastel green i like all of em
*Animal: Cheetah
*Drink: passion fruit iced tea
*Sports: to play: running, boxing, ...to watch: football,
*Juice: uh...cranberry?
*Cartoon Character: yakko, wakko, and dot (from animaniacs)
*Scent: old spice <3
*Time of the Day: 9 in the morning [after i've eaten tho ;) ]
*Car: F-150 Pick-Up

HAVE YOU EVER…?
*Bungee Jumped?: i wish
*Sky Dived?: Want to
*Made yourself throw-up?: No
*Gone skinny dipping?: No
*Eaten a dog?: No, ew
*Ever liked somebody that you didn’t have a chance with?: Yes...
*Been in a mosh-pit?: I...dont know what that is
*Been on radio/television?: yea for a bday party thing, never saw the episode tho...
*Been in a porno?: HAHAHAH no
*Been high?: no
*Been drunk?: no
*Been on a plane?: millions of times
*Came close to dying?: Yes when i was born
*Been in a sauna?: nope
*Been in a hot-tub?: Yes
*Swam in the ocean?: Yes
*Fallen asleep in school?: I dont think so
*Run-away from home?: Sort of...i only went down the street, and i was followed by parents
*Fell off your chair?: Yep
*Sat by the phone all night waiting for a call?: Not all night
*Saved MSN/AIM conversations?: and fb ones...LOTSS of times
*Saved e-mails?: it does it automatically....

DO YOU…?
*Like to eat?: Depends on the food and my mood (that was not meant to rhyme)
*Like talking on the phone: Yes....but its hard to hear sometimes
*Care if different foods touch together on your plate?: I mean if its like peas and mashed potatoes,...then no, but if its a gross combo then yes
*Get motion sick?: car sick yes, not air sick tho
*Eat healthy?: very
*Have an addiction to anything?: internet, cookie dough, certain people, porn...
*Call people names often?: My younger bro when he pisses me off, and girls i dislike
*Dream in color?: Yes, vividly
*Have a strange/bad habit?: um, define strange/bad
*Get turned on easily: uh....idk
*Like your school/job?: at the moment
*Like filling out stupidly-long surveys like this one?: i dont dislike it

WHAT IS/WHAT ARE…?
*Your good luck charm: dont have one, guess i better get one
*Your theme song: My World by Avril Lavigne (i guess)
*The last thing you played with: define play
*The last thing you ate: a fruit stick thing...
*Items sitting next to you: tv remote
*The color of your underwear: it has writing on it....in all different colors
*Your greatest fear(s): hmm, not being able to live my dream
*A strange food you eat: like....regularly? i guess tofu
*The last thing to sleep in your bed: me....
*Under your bed: my collections, stationary, sage and lavender and a heating pad
*The time you usually go to bed: Depends, sometimes 10pm sometimes 1am

EVER HAD…
*Chicken pox: nope
*Stitches: Yes
*Surgery: no
*A broken bone: No
*Love at first sight: Probably not

THIS OR THAT…
*Scary or Funny Movies: Funny usually
*Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate
*Root Beer or Dr.Pepper: Root Beer
*Skiing or Snowboarding: Skiing
*Summer or Winter: both

RANDOM!!!
*Dogs or Cats: Dogs
*Favorite Flower: Roses
*Have you ever fired a gun?: Yes
*Do you prefer travel by plane or car?: Plane if its a long trip
*How many pillows do you sleep with?: Three, 2 temperpedic ones and one regular
*Obsessive Compulsive?: No
*Diseases?: No
*Disorders?: I think its depression, no one else does
*Good Driver?: Idk yet, dont drive
*Good Singer?: yes in the shower, yes to some people, stage fright makes it crackly
*Do you own a lava-lamp?: Yes
*Do you prefer your toilet paper over-and-out or back-and-under: Over and out lol
*How many kids do you want?: 3 or 5, cant decide which # is better
*What will you name them: Gar, Rosemary/Rosie, Sabrina (if five my husband can name the other 2 ;) )
*Ever been in a fight with your pet?: um....dont think thats possible
*What book are you reading now?: Brain Rules
*Interesting turn-on or fetish: uh...not really
*First thing you notice visually about someone of the opposite gender: What they're wearing...hair color
*Foods that you LOVE: Sweet things, Salty things,
*That you HATE: Meat...like beef,

look at the progression:
- look on the bright side. its another day stolen from death!
- i live to run fast i live for the pain, i smile at the sun i dance in the rain.
- never say anything mean. you would regret it if that was the last thing you said to someone
- "confucious says: when in doubt, speak backwards"
- i think im in love....again
- i like that one kind of white wine that i cant remember the name of and i like the ripples on the water when the wind blows
- im horrible. of course he doesnt love me. im worthless... dylan would bother me about being depressed <-- at least that made me laugh XD
- why do i waste so much time and energy on people who obviously don't care about me
- i love skype
- fuck you
- its raining, its pouring, the world is so boring
- y cant ur image leave me alone?
- im a cheater

i wanna write
i wanna write a rant
i wanna write a very long rant
but i cant
what to do....
i drew and im waiting for my painting to dry a little so i can continue it...
my dA still wont let me in
DX
wahhh

I wrote someone a letter
But they didn’t want it
So I kept it
And hung it up in my locker
And now...
Everyday I see it there
My dream is hanging in front of me
It seems to me as thought I can never say anything to anyone’s face
I can only write
I can only wait for the pain to go away on its own
And without help it wont
I’m stuck in a world of spinning images and I don’t know where to turn
I wait for him
I wait for her
I wait for them
To come back to me
But they never do
And I can’t help but not respond
And not act upon it
I don’t know what to do
Will you read my letter?
Maybe it's you I'm waiting for

I don’t know where the time goes. It feels as if I haven’t talked to you in forever. I mean really talked to you. We used to have long, wonderful, deep conversations...

I’m having the feeling that the reason we hardly speak is because of a certain text and phone conversation we had in July.

Do you remember it?
If you don’t, I’ll oblige to reminding you of the details:

I was at camp where a boy was doting on me, but I did not return his feelings. So I asked your advice on telling him this and you asked me, why stop it? Have fun. I replied, because I liked someone else. You asked, who?

And I said....

I said, you.

Did that...scare you?

Or maybe, confuse you? Or throw you off guard...

If you want to talk about this, that’d be amazing, if not, its ok, I understand.

Anyways, I was wondering if we could restart our friendship.
I enjoyed it last year, but now I’m, almost scared speaking to you, for fear I’ll only mess it up more, or something like that.

It’s really quite sad.

I’m not the same as I was last year, and neither are you.

Do you think we can make it work?

We’ll start slowly...
Like a normal relationship...

Tell me what you think of this idea,
Talk to me.

A former friend

I’m not cool like you.
I cover myself up.

I’m not smart like you.
I’m ignorant and stupid and ineloquent and unintelligent

I don’t care about stereotypes.
I’m not thinking in the standard sense.

You’re amazing.
I’m not.

I wish to take your advice.
But I can’t.
I’m scared.
And I fear, not death, but fear itself.
And I fear discovery and pity.

You don’t.
I can’t stand this.
How did you?

Why do I complain and expect so much?
I wish to be normal

You’re amazing
I don’t deserve you as a friend
Or as you might say, anything else

It’s like that quote:

“she’s quiet to her classmates,
she’s fun to her friends,
she’s awesome to her best friend,
she’s amazing to her boyfriend,
but to herself....?
she’s worthless”

I don’t know if I can say that....
But I only cant because I know I shouldn’t

And everyone says its untrue.

Even you.

I always complain.
What’s wrong with me?!

Everything.