Hey folks. Lot of you may realize I've been in a weird mood. Well, here's no excuse or reason, but explanation:

I haven't had a personal Xmas for a long time. My immediate family never cared much about it--and to be honest, neither do I.

This tends to make Xmases very lonely for me. I don't blame anyone or anything for it beyond circumstance, that doesn't make it any less difficult.

My point is this: the Holiday Season, as it were, makes me a very, very, very unpleasant person. Not bad, not great, just weird to be around. Because it makes me feel unpleasant and weird. This is no one's fault but my own, at the end of the day' I'm just not wired mentally or personally for this bullshit.

I've taken a lot of paid time off recently so I can just get rid of this fucking crap I feel every year, which was complicated by my room-mate moving out--don't go after her for it; this was mutual agreed to be best for her. It doesn't make it any less difficult, nor does it add any less to the weirdness I feel this time every year.

Just an explanation for the oddity that will be me pretty much until after New Years'.

Hope you all have a good one.

Erich Collier

December 30, 1951 - September 6, 2017

I love you Dad.

I'll miss you.

Wel, I've got a decent mic. I've got passion. I've got a love of voice acting.


What do I lack? Connections and experience.

Anyone need a voice actor? Note me. Message me on any IM program listed here. Email me. I'll be more than happy to VA for you--for free, I might add.

As potentially inflammatory as that title is, it's how I feel right now. On a lark, I was browsing through FA, looking to find some old work of folks that I have on my watchlist, only to find yet another artist who's work I thoroughly enjoyed has made the decision to not only leave FA, but take down all their work, and not put it up on any other sites.

Now, their reasons are their own, but I have a feeling furry drama played a heavy role in the decision. Particularly because the artist--who will go unnamed out of respect--cited "emotional baggage" as one of the main reasons for this departure from any future furry work. The other reason cited was FA's horrible security issues, which are a problem to be sure. But the overall tone of the journal implied that far more personal, emotional issues were the main source of this decision.

Personally, I don't really experience much furry drama. I'm notoriously open, accepting, tolerant and easy to get along with, and I don't make a habit of trying to make enemies or being a foot-in-mouth twat who then whines when people disagree with me or my views. But let's be clear, friends; half of furries tend to be teenagers and kids, the other half folks in their 20s and 30s. Those demographics are going to change as time passes, of course, but it does help explain why there's so much drama within the furry community, to say nothing of art thieves that have already caused many a furry artist to abandon the community entirely

So here I sit, disheartened at the loss of yet another solid body of work spanning half a decade, with (among other reasons) emotional baggage caused by childish bullshit as one of the key reasons. And it's not the first time I've seen it happen. It certainly won't be the last, either.

Listen, we're a community and fandom quite unlike any other (for both good and ill), and there's a ton of potential for a huge variety of creative bodies of work that can come from our shared passion for anthropomorphic animals.

So why are we, collectively, deciding to chase away some of the best talent we have by acting like teenage dipshits half of the time? It's small wonder it's still so hard for the Furry community to fully quite gain acceptance as yet another fandom full of decent people, when we keep driving away some of the more mature and capable individuals our community has attracted over the years, leaving behind the drama llamas, the art thieves, the childish and the vocal minorities to be the most likely faces folks outside of our community see first.

Or maybe I'm just a little depressed that some of my favorite art is now gone forever, and needed to rant. Hell if I know anymore.

...But this is one of those times where I can't rely solely on myself anymore.

https://www.gofundme.com/help-matts-tooth

Even if you can't pay into it yourself, at least share and spread the message around. It might be the only chance my tooth has.

Yep. Hit the big 30 today. Farewell, 20s, you were an interesting time.



Truth be told, I don't feel that different from when I was 25.

Okay, it's late, I'm depressed and desperate, so this is going to be a short one.

I went to college for a while back in the 2000s. Didn't graduate, but that's another story entirely. Obviously, like anyone who went to college in my generation, I took out loans. I've juggled and struggled with them for years, but have always managed to negotiate ways around problems and ultimately managed to get things back on track.

That doesn't seem to be an option this time around.

I have two loans with Sallie Mae, and they are private loans. There's not much to be said except that private loans are the worst kind of student loan to have, bar none. And they're about to seriously financially fuck me into oblivion.

When Sallie Mae separated into Sallie Mae Bank and Navient, my loans went over to Navient. I was originally on a decent repayment plan with Sallie Mae...which Navient saw fit to somewhat ignore, upping my monthly payments from 150 a month to 190 a month, which I can't afford. Combine that with a run-around, a shitty broken website, nobody at the companies seeming to be on the same page, and my own hardships over the past months, and I've apparently fallen behind on my payments.

I did the responsible thing: I called them to try and figure out what we can do to bring things current and get back on track. The response was less than encouraging.

Navient refuses to do anything to make my delinquency current. Zip. Zilch. Nothing. Combined with late fees and interest, this delinquency has put me, apparently, over 1300 dollars behind on payments.

"What can I do?" I asked.

"You need to pay the full late balance to become current and start making normal payments again."

"I do not have that kind of money. I'm not going to have that kind of money any time soon, period, even if I get a second job. There has to be something else you can do. Anything."

"We've gone through all your options, and you're not eligible for forbearance or deferments."

"Then...what am I supposed to do?"

"Pay what you can, when you can, until you can find another job or a better job."

Gee, thanks, Navient! I never realized the answer was there in front of me all along! Just get a better job! Go walk down the street and get a better one, easy as that! Then I'll for certain be able to pay!

Needless to say, this isn't going to work. I'm already going to pay what I can when I can (which isn't much), but I'll STILL be behind, and ultimately WILL go into default. Navient refuses to do anything to help me, as if I'm trying to be sneaky and avoid paying anything. Yes, half of this mess is my fault, but not all of it.

I have polled numerous friends and family. No one can help me. Not one person.

I'm fucked.

Alright, it's happened. The big 29, guys.

And so far, I'm feeling pretty good about it. I've still got my hair, I've still got my teeth, and I've still got my horribly insane brain. And what's better, I've finally gotten a decent job with the Humane Society! Its' only minimum wage, but it's full time (or close enough to it), and my work will feel like it MATTERS.

Things to improve on or think about for the coming year:

Hair's okay, hasn't gotten worse, but still a bit thinner on top. Maybe check with a doctor soon as I can afford it to make sure there aren't any underlying health issues, hormonal imbalances or nutritional deficiencies going on.

Haven't seen a dentist in four years now. I need to rectify this. Aflac dental insurance, here I come.

Writing and voice acting practice has been far too lax. I need to get on the ball with that one. Anyone have any links to give me to sites that'll give me a fair shake, lemme know.

Picture commissions--I'll be able to afford them soon! And I won't feel bad for spending the money! I'll have to get things moving if this is gonna work out.

And last, but certainly not least:

I finally managed to convince myself that I haven't wasted my 20s--this decade was more a character-building one than a career-building one for me, I think. In ten years, I've managed to come to terms with coping with the death of my mother, defeated depression, developed a healthy work ethic and some good money sense and real-world sense, battled outright alcoholism and won, and now I'm gonna make my 29th year of life the best end to my 20s that I can, and my 30s can be all about getting out there and making something of myself.

Now I just need to work on getting out of this small godforsaken town at last.

And that's all I gotta say for now! Keep being cool, you crazy lovable people you!

Well, I tend to not be one to get news that quickly about a lot of things, and so was the case here. But to get some context on here, I am a fan of quite a few internet personalities. Or at least a partial fan. I sometimes stop following their works for a while as my ADHD leaves me a fickle creature in these matters.

One of the personalities who I am a fan of, at least a fan of the person himself, was Justin Carmical, aka JewWario. He mostly had a love of Japanese culture, imported games--and informing you how to import and play those games was where he got his start on YouTube back in 2006. I didn't really know OF him however, until seeing him in the That Guy With the Glasses anniversary film Kickassia, and I immediately liked him as a performer. And upon seeing outtakes and watching some of his videos, as a content creator and all-around person. He was never down, never unhappy, and was essentially the kind of guy who you just knew was going to be the friend of everyone in the room, the one who makes everyone laugh.

Imagine my shock to find out today that he passed on at the age of 42, in his own home, on January 23, 2014. The cause? Suicide.

I'm not going to get into any rants or diatribes about the topics of suicide or depression--despite my personal experience with the latter, which is extensive, I never reached a point where I even remotely considered it. Thus, it's not my place to say much on this specific case. I just felt it best to try and get the word out here on FA, because right now everyone is in a huge ruckus about other issues (that aren't necessarily less important, per se, but sort of pale in comparison to a degree). And I just wanted to say, somewhere, anywhere, that I regret not having watched more of his work. I regret not having ever sent him a message saying "Hey, I liked you in all these videos you were in! Keep it up!" I regret never attempting video-making myself, which through one quirk of fate or another (if I were any good at it) might've even lead to our paths crossing. Now I'll never know.

But I don't think he'd want me worrying about that. About regrets, both for him and for myself. I think he'd just want me to remember the good things about him. Remember how he lived, not how he died. And, in honor of his memory, in the only way I can, I urge everyone to go to his channel on YouTube, and take a look at all his stuff. And go to TGWTG.com, and take a look at him there.

Watch his work. Enjoy it. Cherish it. Even if it's not quite your thing, at least give it a shot. This is what he spent the last years of his too-short life on. He loved it, it was his passion and his drive. It's why he got up in the morning. And he deserves every bit of remembrance we can give him, in the best ways we can. Just watching his work won't bring him back.

But it will help us all know and remember fondly the good, kind, and upbeat man he was. And I don't think there's any better way to honor the short time he was with us on this earth.

Rest in peace, Justin Carmical. Wherever you are now, I can only hope you know that you are missed, and will be missed.

Now, I'll be the first to get this out of the way:

I am a HUGE Total War fan. I have been for years.

Ever since I first laid eyes on Medieval: Total War as a teenager, I thought "Well, it seems pretty cool." I figured I'd give it a try. It's important to note that, at this time, I was hooked on Braveheart. I wanted nothing more at the time than a game that had the ability to let me re-enact those battles, even as the budding historian in me learned the truths behind the legends. And then giving the middle finger to history and creating my own empire.

And then Rome: Total War came out. I'd been fully engrossed in personal pursuit of Celtic studies by then, and personally identified very much so with my ancestors of the period, so when this new game came out, I was hooked from day one.


So, what's the deal?


The deal isn't so much in what we got (though that does deserve scrutiny and criticism)....it's in what we didn't get.

Now, anyone who bought the game from release has been subject to countless bugs. HOrrible bugs. Bugs that, with certain set ups, make the game all but unplayable.

I'll be the first to say that THIS, CA, is not acceptable. HOWEVER, I've been doing a LOT of digging, and it seems that while CA set the original release date, SEGA, (the publisher who ultimately determines whether or not the game releases when scheduled, whether CA wanted to or not), was the one who kept saying "This date, no later."


Okay, fine. You're a business. You have to make money, that's your thing. I get that.


What I DON'T get is how you just let those dollar signs in your eyes BLIND you from the fact that, with a game that has THIS much hype, it's not okay to release a game that hasn't been put through it's paces as far as quality assurance is concerned.

The problem is this: this is almost EA levels of "don't give a shit" in regards to the final product, and THAT is saying something. Sega of America has a fairly "okay" reputation in this regard. NOt nearly as bad as EA, but not nearly as good as say, Bethesda (who STILL have very bad bugs upon release, but these are almost always happy accidents, as it were...


All of that crap aside, which is being fixed by patches weekly from CA (as it should be), there are things I really thought I would see in Rome 2, but have yet to see them--and I am VERY sure I'm not alone.

1: Assassination videos: This is a bit of a rock-and-hard-place situation. In SHOGUN, and even Medieval 2, this was relatively easy. But with Rome 2, this is a whole new can of worms to open. In both Shogun games, this was easy as fuck (relatively speaking); it was always the same kind of assassin, the same kind of target, the same culture across the board. With Medieval 2, it was based mainly around cultural differences, which overall weren't that (ostensibly) visible to the average player.

With Rome 2 and its 100 factions from the start, this suddenly becomes a whole new fucking monster. However, that doesn't mean it wasn't possible--Medieval 2 showed us that much. I want to SEE how my political enemies--within OR without--are dealt with. Not just some goddamn pop-up message alone telling me it worked out or didn't.


2: More emergence of historical characters.

Again, this is another pandora's box to open, only because there are simply so goddamn MANY historical characters of this extensive period of human history in this part of the world, many of whom were visibly different, and then different in many other ways--but it is STILL POSSIBLE. Some are generals, some are dignitaries, some are spies....it's not impossible!

You're the guys who gave us the most awesome assassination videos ever in Shogun2.....you CAN make this a reality

3: Quality Assurance:

This, now THIS......this is a WHOLE different bag of bullshit to shift through. In part because it's not entirely CA's fault. Now then, on a personal level, while I've seen some silly and stupid AI moves on both campaign and battle maps, I've not seen anything that outright breaks the game itself....but I also have a very, VERY outdated rig (and I'm too fucking POOR and destitute to get a new one), so I doubt the game has had the full ability to give me the "buggy and broken" experience so many gamers are (probably in anger) claiming they've had.

That's not to say, of course, that I haven't seen dumbshit moves on the part of the AI (which has NEVER been CA's strong suit, to be honest). It's that I just keep hearing so many complaints across the board, from users of a variety of systems and rigs....and half of those sudden flaws are things that could, and should, have been caught in a pre-release QA testing period--a period this game clearly wasn't given. Who's more to blame here? CA or Sega? You decide, folks.


Still, all in all, this game is NOT a bad game. Far from it. IT very well could be one of the greatest games of the decade.....but the release was horribly handled, and in my personal opinon all those responsible should be hung by their thumbs for two weeks, then put to the task of Quality Assurance until this release is the release it SHOULD have been--not just the release the money-loving-grubberfucks at Sega wanted it to be.


And that, my friends, is my own humble, personal opinion.

It's funny, though...I sure don't FEEL 28.

Anyway, my birthdays are always dull, and due to economics and personal issues in life, rather bereft of gifts of any kind.

Sure, I could ask for a LOT--a lot that I wouldn't get. Hell, even the stuff I'd ask for I wouldn't get, but I'll just be a brat right now and a tad selfish, and list the main key things I'd want right now--or rather, the things I'd want as gifts that wouldn't be necessary to my existence. And given my most heavy interest as of late with Doctor Who, neither of these should be surprising:

1. A sonic screwdriver replica, preferably a fully metal one, but the cheaper plastic ones are all right from what I can tell--so long as they have the light, extending function, and the sound effect, I'm good. We're talking the one used by Eccleston and Tennant, of course.

2. A full line-art or (preferably) colored/shaded picture of me as the Tenth Doctor.

And yeah, that's about it. I'm not terribly difficult to please, as you might have noticed. Not that I expect to get either of these, but that's just life.

In any case, I'm 28 now, but don't feel a day over 25--well, maybe 26, well....maybe 26 and a half.

Just gonna KBO, either way!

Allons-y~!

I am a bigfox!

That is all. Enjoy your day! :D

I'll do my best to be as objective as I can be with this one, I promise. The last thing I want to do is go all partisan in one of my rants (which very few people read, but I do anyway, because I feel it's cathartic).

I have been job-hunting for a few months shy of a year, now. Yes, in 2012, I was doing some mild job-hunting while taking those college certificate courses for OSHA, but I wasn't giving it my all, and I own that. Won't even hesitate to admit it.

I had to stop taking the courses, even though I was approved for FAFSA to fund the next and final semester, because it simply wasn't financially feasible for my household--my father's the only one working. Other-Dad is being horribly picky when it comes to what jobs he'll hunt for (I can't say I entirely blame him--he's worked his ass off his whole life like anyone else), and I had no income. Having to actually drive to the school at least two to three times a week (it's an hour away) and back just wouldn't have worked, no matter how we sliced it. I sacrificed that partly because I still had no job, and partly because it was the only sensible option to choose.

And after all that time, when I'm not gaming, or writing, or brainstorming, or doing errands, or sleeping, or eating, or masturbating, I've been keeping an eye out for opportunities that I'm certain I'm qualified for. And in this town, unless you KNOW someone, those are relatively very few and far in between (we're great for folks who want to be trukcers, nurses or welders!). But to be fair, this town was never a great place to seek employment--even before the Great Recession, this town was always lacking in jobs--not just decent paying or full time jobs--JOBS in general.

And here I am, constantly still keeping an eye out. Putting in applications to the few places I know are considering hiring. And yet all I hear about on the news and on the internet is this constant stream of either blind optimiism, or almost religious doom and gloom naysay. And I'm damn sick of it, so I tried to bring my own rational mind into the matter and form my own opinion.

I'm not going to say anything new, here: this economy sucks. Everyone knows that. We've known that for years, now. And yet, rather than stop, breathe, and try to work out the exact, undisputable and undebatable sources (I guarantee you, as complex as economics is, there is MORE than one cause) of these problems, almost everyone still seems dead-set on making it all, if not only, about fucking politics. Even after the election. Hell, even a large portion of the economists hired to figure this shit out end up pulling up the partisan flags.

Why?? Why are we still focusing on that, when what is really needed is to just sit down, crunch numbers, and figure out where the various ponzi schemes that set up the huge ass bubble in the first place happened, so we can repair the damage and make sure those bubbles don't happen again?

I know, I know, it almost seems like I just answered my own question. But really, /objectively/, I didn't. All I just did was illustrate what will need to happen, no matter who's in power and which party controls the legislative process.

To be fair, I know all of these economists are doing their damnedest--economics is, after all, one of the more complex and not fully understood sciences outside of all the other hard sciences, like medicine and astronomics and etc. My problem isn't with them.

It's with the fuckwits who keep trying to make this ALL ABOUT fucking POLITICS. I'll say it in blunt terms: the few dedicated, non-partisan economists aside, every OTHER economist and EVERYONE ELSE is making it about who gets to sit in a number of leather/pleather office chairs and debate on our collective behalf for two to four years. And I know why.

It's becuse they're not being objective at all. They're just trying to find one, two, maybe five single people to blame, so that history books can demonize them, and then surely THEIR politics will be recongized as the RIGHT WAY TO GO.

I'm sorry. No. Politics DO have an effect on economics, but the effect is, at best, correlative, not causative. Do some policies make business behave differently? Of course. That's always been the case, ever since organized government came about--OVER 10,000 years ago. But unless the economy in question is owned by the government, or protectionist, then legislation is not the CAUSE of the change. The cause is reactionary--the paradigms change, and then to make sure profit margins are met to ensure continued profit and corporate expansion occurs, the businesses change their behavior.

Honestly, I don't think even half of these economy arguments--let's be honest, folks, they're not debates. Debates actually are objective and intelligent; these are just screaming matches televised because it's good sound bytes and gets butts in seats--are really even ABOUT the economy, much less the poor, relatively worthless bastards like me, who for all our potential (keep in mind, potential doesn't equal profit--ACTION equals profit) have nothing to show for it, nor credentials to back up any reason we give to hire us. Nor are they really about the rich--both the shitheads and the very much NOT shitheads among the one percent, a majority of both, I have to be honest here, actually did work their assess off to get where they are now.

They're all about the politics. This law, that law; More regulation, less regulation; stiffer immigration, looser immigration..."economy" and every major term associated with it has become the buzzword of the 2010s, much like "terrorist" was the buzzword of the 2000s. Need I remind you all the things the Patriot Act enabled? Sure, there were some security benefits, but it was mostly just another political tool to make Americans feel safe. Our actual safety was never the REAL concern when you brought up terrorists--it was how opinions on terrorism and it's capabilities could effect politics and how the country is run, and by whom.

I am just, so SICK of being unemployed. If I had a million dollars in savings, I wouldn't be QUITE as aggrivated, or even financially concerned, for that matter... but I'd still at least make attempts to find some part-time work, if for no other reason to keep myself busy and out of the house, and feeling like I was doing SOMETHING with my time that was productive. I don't WANT to be some lazy moocher, I want to PRODUCE, even if my productivity doesn't really mean much in the bigger picture. And here, in my town, even finding PART TIME work without knowning the right people, or having juuuuust the right skills, has become a nigh-miracle.

And yet on the news, I have to watch either pundits from both the left and right bitch at each other about how "I AM RIGHT, YOU ARE WRONG, YOU'LL RUIN THIS COUNTRY WITH YER TERRIBLE IDEAS AND WAYS, (note how relatively accurate a representation that is....then realize how little it has to do with discussing the economy objectively)", or hear Piers Morgan exchanging heated sound bytes with someone or other about gun control laws (Yes, yes, I know--the massacre in Colorado was a tragedy, and such things do need to be discussed, but COME ON, Piers, we all know where you stand on the issue, and where others stand--let's stop bitching at each other and fucking DO something about it, not just talk!).

And then, I finally understand how folks must have felt--how my GRANDPARENTS must have felt during the Great Depression....that their leaders, their political representatives, and everyone but their neighbors and friends and family, had just left them behind.

Well, it's been plauging me for quite a while now. Figured it's finally time to bring this up a bit.

Less than a year ago, maybe a month after my 27th birthday, my dad took one look at my hairline, and said with his usual snarky smirk (he's a Boston native--it's just his way) "Hey...your hair is thinner."

Now, to put this into context...my father isn't one to remain blind to subtle or slight changes in things he's regularly familair with--his Panic Disorder has him constantly keeping track of even small factors, like my own hair for example, so that when or if a change DOES occur, he's ready emotionally and psychologically to accept it and deal with it, with little to no fuss at all.

Naturally, this sent me into a bit of a panic. Normally, I'm not one to go about fighting my body's natural processes or reactions like some inbred Scientologist, but for me, personally, this was a rather concerning matter.

You see, throughout my life, I've been known for a very wild, thick head of hair. Even into my mid-twenties, it was the case. Thick, wild, nigh-unmanagable. For that to suddenly, after one birthday, change so rapidly and in such an opposite direction was unexpected, to say the least.

Now, to be clear, I'm not BALDING--nowhere close. And my head of hair has, as I've monitored it over the past eight months, not gotten any worse--but hasn't gotten any better, either. It's just visibly thinner on the crown and slightly at the temporal region. But the following should explain why this has me a bit on edge.

My great-grandparents had full heads of hair well into their 40s. As did my grandparents--though it IS worth noting that both of my grandmothers had several brothers, each. All of whom were flat-out bald come age 45.

But my father and mother? NO thinning at all until age 40. Same with all of their siblings--though my two uncles on my father's side started thinning a bit earlier than he did, it was still in their late 30s.

My sister? Totally fine. Every one of my male cousins on both sides of the family? Not a bit of visible thinning to be had.

At first, I wondered if perhaps this was my smoking catching up with me--smoking since 2004, a decision I STILL regret, by the by. But my dad was smoking since he was in his late teens. My mother about the same. Same with my sister. And at least one of my cousins had a severe pot and meth problem, along with cigarettes and booze. Last picture I saw of him? Full head of hair. No thinning.

I know, I know: "Ivellios, yer just getting older; mature hairlines aren't bad things; this happens," blah blah blah. I'd be perfectly fine with that explanation--if it were happening ten years from now, when I'm nearing 40. It'd make far more sense to me, then. But this early on? Something just doesn't feel right about it.

Just about two years ago, I had the same head of hair I had in high school, at age 25. That was true a year later, at age 26.

But then, right after I turn 27, it starts going down the shitter. What gives??

I know, hair thinning and hair loss have a number of complex factors invovled in them. Not even that bothers me.

What bothers me, personally, is why this is happening RIGHT NOW. Or rather, the fact that I have no IDEA why it's happening to me--and ONLY ME among all the male generation of my family. If most of my family is anything to go by, aside from some fraternal flukes, this should at least not start happening until I'm well into my 30's.

What the fuck went wrong?

I've tried going to friends for some consolation--it's helped...but not much. Only one friend was really that consoling, and all the rest gave a token shrug and a proverbial pat on the shoulder. Which would be fine, if this were expected for me, or if I had thin hair to begin with. But it wasn't, and I didn't. So it really just comes off as reassuring as the usual line of "I'm sorry" when someone close to you dies--it just doesn't have weight to it, and smacks of standard means of trying to comfort someone with nothing substansial to offer. Good-feel shit, and nothing more.

To be fair--it hasn't gotten any WORSE over the last eight months since I've been keeping an eye on it...but it hasn't gotten any better--this isn't some case of telogen effluvium, here. This is outright MPB, only affecting me and no other men in my generation of the family.

And here I am, futilely flailing my arms and researching every damn thing known about thinning hair and baldness, and coming up with basic answers, and in response, far more questions than I'd like. The chief one being the most frustrating, because I know it doesn't really have a concrete, worthwhile answer.

Why? Why ME, gods? My life is a trying and difficult one enough with all I've been through, and all I'm going through.

Why are you adding this on top of everything else? To spite me? To make me stronger?


Because right now? All it's doing is confusing and frustrating me at best, and disheartening me, reminding me of my utter and inevitable decay and mortality at worst.



Why me?

I LIKE CHEESE! :D

That is all.

Now, I know most folks don't even bother looking at this stuff I bitch about, much less consider it in their everyday lives. But this is something important to me, to some degree. So I'm gonna bitch about it.

Now, the title of this journal will no doubt send some folks into a ragefit. "But Ivellios! I've got a friend/family member/coworker who's subscribed to Atkins/East beach/West Beach/North Beach/ South Beach/ Dr. Phil--FUCK I HATE Dr. Phil, et cetera, et cetera..."

So hold your horses there, sweet cheeks. Lemme ask you one thing about those friends of yours on those diets. Well, several things, but singular in sequence.

Are they all still on those diets? Chances are, if they're still skinny sexy McSkinnybones, answer is yes.

And what happened when they stopped those diets? They gained the weight back, maybe even some more.

Now, to be fair, this is the crux of the diet dilemma--yes, these dieticians are out for your money. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise. But some of these diets DO work. I've met quite a few folks who went on Atkins, lost all the weight they sought to lose, and never looked back. I'm not disputing the effectiveness of some diets out there.

The KEY here, is--and not ONE of them will openly admit this in passing, but only under sheer constant, face-to-face scrutiny--is that these diets will ONLY keep working so long as you keep yourself stuck to them.

First, let me say that there is NOTHING wrong with this. Despite common modern misconceptions of what a "diet" is, the facts remain. A diet is a strict eating regimen that may or may not include physical activity. Nothing more, nothing less. And all of you out there who have tried diets before, and those diets failed, and you were blamed for "not sticking with it"....I hate to be the asshole to say this, but that statement is true--at least, with SOME of those diets. Only some, not all.

So, you ask, where's the bullshit? The bullshit is in how these diets tend to commercialize themselves--not actually saying, but presenting themselves in a way that effectively states "Just do this diet for a bit, you'll lose weight, then can go back to your old eating habits." Now yes--none of them actually SAY that...because legally, they can't. Because, legally, such statements are flat out FALSE. And they know it.

But they don't expect you to know it. And the legal wording over such claims are at best very narrowly defined, and at worse, very vague and ambiguous. This is their strength, their hook. Their means of getting you to buy their food program, and/or their books, and/or every other supplement they offer. Your sheer lack of knowledge and understanding of how the human body treats food, calories, intake, and lack thereof.

LEt me speak candidly, here. The human body is literally millions of years old. A ballpark figure, without extensive searching for information, will give you something around, oh, 3 to 2.5 million years old. Now, yes, we weren't always Homo Sapien during that massive space of time, but that's honestly splitting hairs and almost getting into semantics, as far as science and evolution is concerned. Suffice to say that our bodies have been dealing with both surpluses of, and dramatic lack of food for a very, very, very, very, very, VERY long time. It has it's own methods with which to deal with either scenario. Now consider this fact: while we've had the ability to cook our own food for around 500,000 years at least, to almost one million at most (these are guesses based only on prehistoric archaeology, mind you; there is no absolute PROOF that this is the case, but it is the most likely case), we've only, very recently within our history, had the ability to make the high-calorie foods we all love, starting with the staff of life, bread.

Note to consider: IF Bread is the staff of life, surely water is the blood? Think on that after the journal, by all means.

Anywho, the point here is the simple fact that our bodies, through no fault of our own, are genetically wired to respond to periods of fasting--a.k.a. periods where no food is part of daily intake, or is very rarely part of daily intake. This isn't based in some supernatural or religious comuppance, no punishment for denying the bounty of the world; it's simple survival. To explain it in short, precise terms:

When our bodies start to suffer a sudden decrease of caloric and/or nutrient intake, our metabolism, at first, goes into a brief overdrive, to use up what's available to keep the body functioning at the rate it has been up to this point. But--and this is another, VERY key truth about the human body NO dietician wants to admit--the metabolism isn't a set factor. Ever. It exists with one, and only one purpose: to process calories into energy to maintain vital bodily processes. There's nothing new, nothing transcendant, no MYSTERY to this fact of human biology. Anyone who tells you otherwise is an outright LIAR.

But once that deprivation of calories and/or nutrients continues, the body makes an admittedly smart assumption: that the food source has run out, and may not come back for a while. So it changes it's pace. It actually slows itself down.

Yes, that's right--your metabolism can, and WILL, speed or slow itself in accordance with your current intake of calories and nutrients, and your current level of physical activity requiring those calories/nutrients.

I've heard so many tales of how your metabolism goes to hell when you reach 40 or 50 from my parents, I could just barf. They were only telling me what they thought were the facts. And they're not entirely wrong; the longer your body doesn't take part in physical activity, the more your metabolism lowers. Not because you're some lazy, lackluster sunovabitch who deserves that double chin for being so lazy...but because, over time, increased sedentary lifestyle leads, by nature, to a lower metabolism. Less physical exertion means less calories to be burned, fewer nutrients to be consumed, and thus a lower metabolism, so you don't burn through what you have unnecessarily.

That's right. I've just told you the dirty secret of the dietary industry: the human metabolism isn't entirely set in stone. At least half of it is set in your physical lifestyle and eating habits.

Now, some folks will cite genetics here, but that's honestly a cop out. The three basic genetic body types: edomorph (fat), ectomorph (skinny), and mesomoprh (muscular) are just templates. Nothing more, nothing less--they only have a partial say in how your body ends up appearing and operating. To what degree they have such a say depends on the individual, and in this I'm afraid to say there is no blanket answer--no matter what Dr. Phil OR Penn & Teller tell you.

Long story short, the long and short of it, no one cares just say what you need to say, TL;DR...the dietary world has been, at best, obfuscating the true facts behind how weight, the human body, and so on and so forth work, intentionally. At worse, they've been peddling their own ideas and theories and plans and diets and so on and so forth blindly, out of faith bourne from imperfect, almost psuedo-scientific reasoning.

If you find a diet that works for you? That is GREAT. That is AWESOME. I applaud you, and stand behind you every step of the way--just with the understanding that said diet needs you to keep doing it. Forever and ever. And that stopping it will end up losing a good deal of your results unless you keep physical activity and a healthy eating regimen up. And even then, you're STILL going to get SOME of that weight back unless you start doing some serious physical activity in the diet's place.

Don't take your body and it's processes for granted, or as some inconvenience, no matter WHAT dieticians want you to think. Those processes--and their results--are there because they've kept your forbears ALIVE in the very HARDEST of times: the times when even FOOD wasn't a guaranteed luxury.

I'm just gonna get this out of the way first -- I am in full support of the high degree of free speech allowed on the internet. It's one of the medium's greatest and most positive strengths, and in spite of the flaws I'm about to bash on a bit, such a strength is rarely found elsewhere, for one reason or another (usually money or political correctness). My only question is, well, what the title of this journal entry is all about.

At first, I figured this was just a phenomenon prevalent in Youtube--after all, unlike forums and chatrooms (havens for the trolls, of course), you can't really be banned for a majority of the kinds of comments you can make on youtube, unless it's an outright death threat or something of similar, outrageous variety, which can be easily reported or just as easily ignored; how many internet tough guys actually HAVE a means of "finding you and punching you to the ground" or "beating your fag ass into the dirt", etc etc? Really now. I've since found a wonderful browser extention that puts a check on my curiosity that always had me, no matter what my vows, to scroll down to those comments and immediately feeling the urge to find a means of eliminating two thirds of the english-speaking population--by removing the comments from the page entirely. There, problem solved. I thought, finally, I was saved from internet tough guys, punk ass teenage dipshits, and politically-motivated arm-chair (or better put, computer-chair) historians, racists, bigots, and just about everyone else who ascribes to the Greater Internet Fuckwad theory. I don't really go to forums or chatrooms anymore (though I've pondered revisiting tapestries MUCK or IRC), except for technical support, or that's part of a community I know and trust. And I don't really do much commenting on facebook, either, since aside from staying in touch with actual friends in real life whom I can't see every day, I don't hang around on the site much, much less get involved in the overwhelming majority of groups on the site who seem to have a "we're right, everyone else who disagrees is WRONG" mentality.

I thought I was safe.



I was wrong.

The vitriol that was once the domain solely of youtube and trolls has rapidly, over the past few years, spread onto other sites. Mainly those that decide to allow comments (ESPECIALLY anonymous comments). Now I can't even go to a video game review article, a news article, or even a blog with clearly defined leanings and interests without spying at least a handful, if not more, of people who clearly not only posses no off-switch, but no sense of decency, patience, open-mindedness or--and this is key now--self control. Yeah, yeah, I know the old mantra, "Haters gonna hate." And yes, it's true. I'm not angered by the fact that these people have differing opinions.

I'm angered by the fact that they don't seem to understand or respect the fact that there are people who don't share their opinions. In any way, shape or form. And that their opinion, no matter how irrelevant to the conversation, or how obvious it is most others reading the site/article/blog in question will disagree, their opinion MUST BE HEARD....not presented, given credence by providing reasoning and even evidence like a rational, reasonable adult. Just heard. Don't agree with that opinion? CLEARLY YOU ARE DELUSIONAL! I DON'T CARE WHAT RATIONAL ARGUMENT YOU PROVIDE! I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO'S RIGHT! ME ME ME ME MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Maybe this is what happens when you bring a tool like the Internet into the hands of a nation of people who are exceptionally known for being obnoxiously outspoken at least half of the time. Not all Americans are like this, I know, but that doesn't change the fact that a lot ARE--just completely incapable of understanding the fact that perhaps maybe, JUST maybe, for once, people DON'T want to hear what we think all the damn time. It's why so far any online rant I've had to say goes right here, on this journal, instead of on, say, Facebook (that's really just a cry for attention in the hopes you'll find someone who agrees with you, from what I can tell with how a majority of such posters react to dissenting opinions). It's entirely optional, not to mention the journal itself doesn't intrude so much onto the user page so that you can easily go back to looking at the rest of the stuff presented and ignore it. It also doesn't have a post limit, so I can easily go on and on without worrying about how many words I've used, but I digress.

What is it that set me off to write this lil' rant, one might ask? What horrible, wretched, vile piece of fetid verbal putrescence did some ape at a keyboard type out that got my own fingers working overtime, if only for maybe fifteen minutes?

You're gonna laugh when you hear the answer, I swear.

A single sentence comment on a review article for Episode 5 of TellTale's The Walking Dead game.

Perhaps I should explain myself a bit more to bring that into context. Once you're done laughing. No no, go ahead. I'll wait.

Now, I'm a fan of the Walking Dead. I've read several of the comics, have watched every episode of the television show, and absolutely love the game. I've never really been a huge fan of point-and-click adventure games, but I've played several of them, and when done right (like this one), they are well worth the time and money it takes to make, buy, and play them. So once I was done with episode five, I went to a review article written by a paid professional to see what others thought of it. Not to validate my own opinions, of course, though it's always comforting to see that I'm not alone in my views--I was merely curious as to what others thought--WHATEVER they thought, and what their reasons were. I'm an oddball like that. The offending comment in question was also one of the first on the page after the article. It went like this:

"I'm starting to think I'm the only person who doesn't like this "game"."

That was it. No explanation. No reasoning. No nothing. Just a negative opinion. Now yes, those happen, but read the comment again. Note the quotation marks around the word "game." Clearly, the comment wasn't meant to just be negative--it was meant to be sarcastic. And the only two reasons I can think of for being sarcastic with a negative opinion are either to be funny (which it only is funny if you use it as the punchline of a joke that all those present will get), or to be just plain insulting, and self-righteously, snobbishly so. This comment was obviously the latter.

Look, I get it. Adventure games are hardly the big boys on the video game playground anymore--they haven't been for years, and will most likely never reach that height ever again. It's simply just not as exciting or engaging a format in games as most gamers today are interested in or used to, and I can't really blame them, what with how mainstream games have become so widespread. But that's also part of the problem of this point of view. Never mind that very much BECAUSE of how mainstream games have become, you can't really define the very concept of "video game" into just your own personal preferences, whether it be for RTS's, FPS's, TPS's, adventure games, action games, casual games, roleplaying games, puzzle games, sex games, every other kind of game out there not on this list, or just a selection among those (the last on this list is usually the case among any single gamer, as is the standard). You can certainly say that it's not your kind of game--not all game genres will be liked by all gamers. It's a fact. Movies and novels work the same way. And comic books. And every other form of entertainment out there. It's also why we have such a huge variety of successful genres, and why even the point-and-click adventure game still has a market, however small it may be in comparison to others. But you can't just walk up and say that a video game isn't really a game. Don't believe me? Let's look at the definition of the word "game", shall we? We'll just stick with the noun-usage.

(1) : activity engaged in for diversion or amusement : play (2) : the equipment for a game

Huh. Sounds like The Walking Dead--and every other video game out there--fits quite well into that first definition. Funny how words work, isn't it? Such flexible, useful processions of sounds and vocalizations. Such paltry, meaningless things that fall short when we need them at our most emotionally-charged moments.

Hours and hours have passed since that comment was made, and while a bunch of rational counters to it were given, some even conceding the obvious fact that it just wasn't the poster's kind of game, the malcontent doesn't even have the decency to stand up to those opinions and explain himself. He also clearly didn't expect a whole lot of agreement, given the comment itself. So why even make it? The answer is pretty easy to outline--this person doesn't consider this a game, and therefore anyone who does is clearly wrong and doesn't know what a game is. How do you fight against such obvious stupidity, he wonders? Comment-and-run tactics, of course. Drop a simple, negative, snarky comment to piss them all off, supplant a barely subtle insult of their judgement, and never return. It's the internet, after all. You'll never meet these people--what do they know? Perfectly rational.

I've met racist internet tough guys and trolls with better arguing skills and more basic decency than this. And that's saying something.

I'll admit that this IS just as ridiculous as it sounds. Of all the horrible, irrational crap that gets posted in comments all over the internet, THIS is what finally ticked me off? Well, yes and no. What finally ticked me off into what will amount to an ineffectual rant that will have NO bearing on anything, much less change anything, is not the fact that this comment was posted, but that there are just SO MANY LIKE IT. And a majority of them are far, FAR worse than this one, far more insulting, far less rational, and on far more serious topics. I keep seeing them, everywhere. Any site that gives a user the ability to post a short comment will have them, by the bucket-load. And don't think I'm trying to easy on fans of the Walking Dead, or people who share my views on things or have similar opinions--they can be, and often are, just as bad. No side seems to be immune from this close-minded, impetuous and childish behavior.

It just seems like a majority of humanity, when presented with an open and anonymous forum (hey, ANYONE could be behind that username), doesn't have the ability to exercise any degree of self-control or personal responsibility, or even basic human decency.

And I hate it.

I hate it because it makes me think so much less of people in general, when in real life I more often than not do my best to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, the common courtesy of "I'm sure you have your reasons," the tolerant view of, "Well, I think you are wrong. And I will keep thinking you are wrong. But I don't think that makes you a terrible human being." The open-minded view of "why is it you think that way? Maybe I'll understand you better if you explain." And comments like these, in their millions, if not billions by now, constantly challenge, bash, and beat that point of view, that very integral part of who I am, to the point where I'm almost deadened inside. It gets me doubting the inherent good in people in general. If they're willing to behave like this, with such bile, such hatred, such mind-boggling foot-in-mouth verbosity (or lack thereof) when they don't have to suffer consequences, then does that mean a majority of the people I meet, even in passing, who act like decent, normal, reasonable human beings, are effectively lying? Is this inherent goodness that we all like to refer to as "humanity" nowadays just a front, indoctrinated into us by society and held in check by outside expectations?

I hate it because it makes me wonder. I start to think that maybe everything that makes a person "good" in our world is just fake. That the only reason we act like good people, act humanely, act like not-monsters, is simply because those around us expect us to.

And if that's the case, which I hope it isn't, that's just terribly disheartening.

Anyone else ever have this problem?

You wake up HOURS before you ever intended or needed to? And no matter what, can't get back to sleep?

Because that's been happening to me for the past five days now, and I think it's sapping at my sanity or something. <_>

The first thing to keep in mind is that the Mass Effect team have openly stated, in only so many words, forum posts, interviews, and so on (yes, I’m paraphrasing here), that the ending was meant to be controversial. Maybe they didn’t fully understand what Pandora’s box that tends to unleash, but it was their intention, nonetheless. They WANTED the ending of Mass Effect to spark debate, disagreements, arguments--even the oh-so-lovely internet brawl, if need be. There was no intention for a clear cut “you did good/you did wrong” ending. That’s why there was more than just one choice at the end. This is the result and reaction they wanted, and by any and every god that may exist, we’re doing just that. So, mission accomplished on their part.

However, this is the second thing; I feel their way of going about and achieving that goal was very poorly done. Now, I’m no literary genius, and any of my friends will tell you that I’m no “Mass Effective” storyteller, at least not on THIS scale. However, up until Kid Reaper, the story was solid. The narrative was solid. The game play was solid--even if it shifted about and wasn’t sure how it wanted to do things the entire series because everyone was too damn busy bitching about this game mechanic here, that idea there, etc.etc.etc….I’ve read through so many threads on all three games and how the games were good as they were, better, or worse for each game that I could just BARF (which, admittedly, I probably should. But my guts aren’t THAT volatile yet; I’m still working on it). But that’s a mechanical/technical issue, not a story/writing issue, and should be devoted to another thread entirely.

Given what I’ve already stated, there are, naturally, MANY ways to interpret the end of the Mass Effect series. I’ll only include the few we all expected, even if we didn’t want to admit it:

1: First and foremost; a goodbye. No, I’m not being dramatic. This isn’t fucking Star Wars, which has had decades to flesh it’s universe out, make you fall in love with characters you’ll never see or meet or have any CHANCE of doing EITHER with in the main plot of the mainstream media (a.k.a. the flims)--yes, there are a few books, and comics, and branch-out games….all of which Bioware have effectively said (no paraphrasing here--just stating based off of marketing/advertising bullshit and other such crap) doesn’t affect the ultimate canon of Mass Effect at all--keep in mind. Bioware has openly stated “The true canon of Mass Effect’s storyline is what YOUR Shepard does and is. Nothing more, nothing less.” Okay, yeah--THAT was paraphrased, but still true, no less. And it’s half the reason for the constant vitriolic debate I’ve witnessed thus far.

If I’m wrong, IM any one of the Bioware staff to tell me so. I’ll readily retract my statements in such a situation.

But this game was meant, overall, no matter WHAT path you took, to be the last, big “hurrah”.
The final showdown. The big bonanza. THE END.

What, all the shameless marketing didn’t clue you in to that subtle, nuanced message? I knew it was the end, myself, going in.

….Of course, I didn’t expect what I would find at said end, which, yes, I’m getting to. Be patient.


2: An end to/defeat of the Reapers as we know them.

AS WE KNOW THEM.

This does harken back to the previous point, but still deserves a point all it’s own. From a singular, storytelling point of view, this makes perfect sense. Is it the best option? The one that works the best? The one that gains/regains/maintains the most fans?

Clearly not.

But that wasn’t the goal, nor the point.

Ever since Mass Effect 1, we’ve all been able to agree that Shepard was the protagonist, no matter how we played him (I only stick to “him” because Word of God states that Canon Shepard is male--give me some breathing room), good. We all agree on that.

We can all, also, agree on the fact that the Reapers were his enemy.

Not their source.

Not their motivation.

Not anything else directly yet only related to them by proxy.

Shepard’s goal, from the GET GO, the MOMENT he is exposed to the Prothean Beacon on Eden Prime, is to stop the Reapers, whatever that entails, means or requires…most of those bundled together, not all in that order, and most certainly not in the way every single player wishes it.

This again plays into the writing and efforts, and intentions of the Mass Effect team.

Not to be a dick, but a lot of the concerns pitted against him in ME1 were fairly legit, as were those in ME2--the fact he was suddenly working on an effective blank-check issued by Cerberus (a well-funded, and publically WELL KNOWN group that committed acts worthy of the label of “Terrorism”--keep in mind, any terrorist group worth their salt only started out in our own history as extremist political groups that gained military arms that overtook them, and thereby legitimized increasingly affecting military actions, however secret/not-secret they were supposed to be--nothing is new under the sun, folks) was meant to drive the point home; Shepard is here to STOP the cycle of the Reapers, however he sees fit. That doesn’t make any single choice right or wrong; he’s still doing what he was effectively born and exists to do. Pre-destiny, clichéd writing? Yes, but this whole series was a throwback to the Space Opera, most of which were either campy, anviliscious “I AM THE HERO OF THE GALAXY AND MUST DO THIS” types of stories, OR--particularly with the George Lucas throwback al a Star Wars--’I’m the hero of the galaxy, because I must be, because no one else can be” story thread.

3: A choice.

Okay, let’s be honest here. Game developers, no matter WHO backs them, with HOWEVER much money, can only do so much, not only technically speaking, but artistically speaking.

I have no doubts in my mind that if the Mass Effect team could’ve given us some be-all end-all myriad of choices at the end of the road to perfectly reflect the choices and disposition of each of our individual Shepards--REALISTICALLY--that they would’ve done it. I’m damn certain they would have…if they COULD have.

The fact of the matter is, no matter what our heightened expectations, no matter what hype we buy into, no matter what marketing we swallow, games can only do so much, and that is very much limited by--big shock--the limitations set by the technology currently, widely available to those who play said games.

Sure, they probably could’ve lived up to all those several different forms of expectation, story-wise, technical-wise, etc. etc…..and every single one of us would have needed our own personal port/copy of one of the world’s few advanced supercomputers to get the job done.

Not done WELL, not done SMOOTHLY. Not even done RIGHT. Just DONE.

This is yet another issue I have with the video game fan base as a whole these days; constant buying into the hype, and then letting said hype escalate expectations into the most unrealistic and currently unattainable territories that it’s almost disgusting how much everyone sounds like spoiled brats from a cheesy “meaning of Christmas” B-movie.

Am I saying we’re wrong for expecting what we’re promised? No.

Am I saying we’re spoiled for expecting what we’re promised? No.

Am I saying that we keep duping ourselves into buying into the hype, and expecting some God-offered package of data and coding to lead us to the Promised Land, and then get summarily upset when given what only the current level of available, affordable technology can give us on such a wide scale of demand to meet the supply?

Yes. Yes, I am saying that last part. The infuriating fact is that WE KEEP DOING IT. And we have only two groups to blame:

A: The Advertisers/Marketers. They are unrealistic because it’s NOT THEIR JOB to be realistic. IT’s their job to coax you into buying the newest, most advanced, off-the-shelf product, and to use whatever flexible language and facts they can to convince you to do so, by whatever means you have available to you.

B: Us. As much as we all want to keep blaming the let-downs on the game companies, the fact of the matter is that they wouldn’t keep doing this shit if--and this is key now--IF IT DIDN’T SELL.


It keeps selling. It has kept selling and--right now, speaking personally--I have no reason to believe it WON’T keep selling. When you get down to it, EVERY game company, developer….ALL of them are businesses, and what’s the KEY reason to start and have a business? TO MAKE PROFIT.

That means selling. As much as you can, when you can, however you can, and as long as you don’t actually, full-on break promises, you should be fine. That doesn’t make then evil. That doesn’t make then demons. Hell, in SOME cases, that doesn’t even make them SMART (Though in the video game industry, being dumb is admittedly a death sentence unless you have the backing of a MAJOR publisher--Oh, wait….). Ultimately, all ANY and EVERY publisher/developer does is say “Hey, we’re developing/publishing a game. It’s pretty cool. Buy it.” Advertising and Marketing fancy up that package to the point where we WANT to buy it.

Want these kinds of games to stop existing? Stop buying games. Simple. As. That.

Which we won’t. I know and admit I sure as hell won’t. At least I own up to it.

“That doesn’t even begin to reach your main point,” you’re saying right about now, because it’s one of the few things you will be right about without starting a pseudo-political shitstorm.

And yes, you’re right.

So, onwards to the real meat and potatoes, shall we?


…..This is gonna STING.




4: The Point (Which to those of you who are still reading, is no doubt the Crucible of this whole, literary mess).

The overall point of Mass Effect--and this is key, now--was not the end…






It was the journey there.




Yeah. Cliché as fuck. I know.


It’s the goddamn truth, and the sooner you accept it, the better off you’ll be.


Why ELSE would Bioware keep creating DLC--and not just pocket-lining weapons/extra missions DLC….but DLC that actually affects the STORY, the narrative and even the plot?


Because, even though this journey has officially ended, none of us want it to. And to be quite honest, we haven’t wanted it to END at all.

What we wanted, ideally, was the defeat of our ever-present, ever-looming, on-the-horizon-Nemesis, the Reapers….


But for the story to just flat out END, right THERE?

Even with the Extended Cut (and very much FREE as the fucking air you BREAHTE) DLC, that gave us the closure we all wanted and desired so badly….we didn’t want the journey to end.

….Admit it. You didn’t want it to. At least not initially.

We all wanted, of course, the end to the Reaper threat…so that the galaxy that we’ve been affecting, shaping, directing for three games and (effectively) over half a decade in real-time…..has a conclusion we’re happy with. One that made it ALL worth it. One that says “You know what? Even if it IS the end….*I* did that…..*I* made that happen….*I* made it possible….if it weren’t for me, this’d all be FUCKED…….THIS is my Space Opera legacy.”


Okay, maybe it wasn’t THAT damn dramatic for all of us, but the sentiment was pretty much the same, all around. That’s the reason the damn series kept selling enough to warrant the second installment. It’s why the second installment sold well enough from the get go--WITHOUT DLC--to green light the third, even if said green light was all but expected.

And yet, we still felt cheated.


And I know why.


Well, okay, it’s a theory, but hear me out. Just this once.


It wasn’t the sudden twists and turns we never would have suspected from characters or organizations.

It wasn’t even the fact that apparently Shepard is now the Galaxy’s Biggest Horndog who will hump and mate with anyone/anything that shows enough interest.


It was the Catalyst.


Yes.


The FUCKING Catalyst.


This isn’t me slamming the Mass Effect team for taking the route they did….well…okay, it IS, but with damn good reasons.


No, it’s not because the Catalyst is a Dues Ex Machina. I’ve encountered and…..yes, shamefully, created several.


It’s not because it came at the very end to tie everything in together.

It’s not because it boiled down everything, every LAST THING you’ve done for the past 5+years as a player all but immaterial with it’s final “My way or no way” choice.


It’s not even because it’s not what we all expected.



It’s because it was unnecessary.



That’s right.


You heard me.


Unnecessary.


Think about it.
The Reapers--a mixture of organic/syntheic technology, so ancient, so long-lived in their cycle of harvesting (not destruction--like it or not, there IS a difference between the two, kids), that we organic-born folks, even the synthetic born folks that our “generation” created, can’t even understand why they do what they do….


That’s a pretty damn good, unsurpassable villain. If presented properly.

And all the way towards the end of ME3, that was still the case.

No, I’m not pissed that Me-Shep died. Not anymore. Hell, I wasn’t even pissed when it first became clear to me that my choices would end up with my death no matter what.

At first, yes, I was angry, pissed for Bioware for latching onto such an overdone, “greater-good” concept that’s been overplayed since the dawn of time archetype….but that passed. I came to terms with it. I was at peace with it.

Seeing my efforts change the galaxy for the better far outweighed Me-Shep’s death. If anything, such sacrificed emphasized the importance of life (I’ll leave you all to dissect that yourselves--you’ve been quite and without debate long enough).


But all of that still falls flat when you realize how unnecessary the whole damn thing was. And guess who’s to blame?

Kid Reaper

The Starchild.

Der Wunderkind.

Dues Ex Machina Jr.

The Godchild.

“That Lil’ AI Bastard,”…he has many names now, but all of his incarnations have lead to this point.


Was his presence necessary? Maybe, maybe not. To complete the overall narrative, such a storytelling device was necessary…at least, to complete the narrative the way the Mass Effect team wished to complete it, or at least OFFER to complete it.


But what of his explanations, his justifications, his statements of the Reapers’ motivations…? Was that really needed?


To be honest? From a storytelling point of view? Yes and no.



Let me explain.


It’s important, when writing a huge, expanded universe like this, to know where EVERYTHING comes from. At least the very roots. Otherwise, you end up with loose ends all over the board, destined to be tied up or discarded in retcons and “Oh, that’s not what we REALLY meant” explanations.

Not that Mass Effect 3 handled this any better, but shit’s sake, it at least TRIED.


…..And initially, failed. Miserably.



What need, up to this point, was there to understand more about the Reapers than was already known? Unless you were The Illusive Man…not much, honestly, from a canon, narrative point of view.

By the end of ME2, I already accepted what the Reapers were. At first, in ME1, they were relatively ambiguous, but almost negatively so--as they should have been--in the first installment.

The first ME was to introduce us to the Reapers, give us glimpses of what they could do, what they were capable of, how and why they were the real threat--and FUCK all of those hyperactive kids saying “No, wait, that’s not enough!” We GOT enough. We HAD enough…..it was there, right in front of us: The Reapers weren’t out to destroy everything organic ever….but they sure as hell weren’t our friends.

ME2 gave patterns, color to the wallpaper of this universe…and more. It gave us feasible, logical reason. Clearly each cycle, I’d figured by the first play through of ME2, was part of a massive, long reproductive cycle, but treating individuals as single cells in a vicsious process of “gather, put together, see if work; not work? Throw out or mutate, turn into useful resources or slaves for long term--slaves, yes, will work for our needs for millenia”…..


There wasn’t any further elaborating to be had at this point, because it wasn’t NEEDED.

The ME2 Reapers already made perfect sense as the one, big, undeniable evil to span the Galaxy. Hell, that was obvious from ME1--Shepard’s constant Templar stance, Paragon OR Renegade, was good enough for us to swallow--now we just needed a motivation, a reason WHY they felt this was the only way, why this was “our salvation through destruction”….and since fighting a huge, Sovereign-class spaceship per boss, or even per game was a ludicrous proposition, we got the husks to start….then those GODDAMN ANNOYING Scions….then in the final, desperate “You Shall Not Stop Destiny” invasion, ALL the races; Husks, Cannibals, Marauders, Brutes, Banshees….

It was all building up so nicely, and ME2’s events had shown us what happens to both A: those species who gain approval/respect of the Reapers, and B: those who don’t make the grade, and are only worth their salt in manpower and resources.



I’m goddamn serious, what was the point to further complicating that message and goal?


“Oh, the Catalyst, the starchild!” You might say, if you’re feeling particularly defensive of the narrative.


BULL

FUCKING


SHIT.

The Reapers were never the most interesting part of the Mass Effect series. They were just, ostensibly, the overall problem and villain. And that’s what they should have remained.

But even then, given the final choice, it STILL required a lot of explanation and narrative that was not only disliked, but unwelcome (not unlike Lucas and his infamous “Midichlorians”). At first, yes, I was pissed that MeShep would die, if only because this whole “commit suicide for the greater good” shtichk has been done…A LOT..and VERY RECENTLY over SEVERAL games, over SEVERAL genres and platforms….from the various Modern Warfare games to Medal of Honor clones to the rebirth of the Fallout series….and so on and so on….


WE GET IT.

OUR ONE LIFE IS NOTHING COMPARED TO THOSE OF THE MANY IN THIS WORLD/UNIVERSE WE LOVE

SURELY WE SHOULD BE READY TO GIVE THAT UP TO SAVE THAT WORLD.



A narrative that rings true, emotionally, and morally to me, even now…….with one exception:

Only

If

Necessary.


Game writers, at this point, love to play “stupid” or “Devoted” To their course. As an amateur but experienced writer, I know this line of thought all too well.


And it’s as contrived and overdone as my uneaten Thanksgiving turkey. Unless presented and delivered properly, in which case I will readily gobble it up like a starved hobo two weeks before Thanksgiving that’s stared at a cooling pie on the windowsill for five days straight.

The problem with Kid Reaper and his motivations/explanations?


Several, but I’ll stick to key factors.


1: It’s a rogue AI.

This is not only true, but damn obvious from the get-go, given how readily it treats organics--THE GENOTYPE THAT CREATED IT--as little more than inconveniences, just like anything ELSE that enters its program matrices unwelcome.

And when those interruptions are unwelcome, what does it do, despite being made to serve organics AND synthetics?
2: It serves itself.

ONLY itself. Not organics, nor synthetics, nor both equally. It only serves it’s own programming and matrices, within it’s own predictions and speculations, and FUCK ALL any effort of organics, synthetics, or both to stop it…….well, unless they build the Crucible.

3: The Crucible. Yes, I know it was a narrative tool to symbolize Me/YourShep’s uniting of the Galaxy in his own way. I’m not disputing that, because that factor was done very well. And very obviously. FROM THE FIRST THIRTY MINUTES ME3 STARTED. The Crucible itself is not the problem, nor the source of the problem. It was a much-needed and well-placed narrative tool. Unlike…


4: THE REAPERS.


Do I even HAVE To elaborate further? The Reapers were DAMN good, all-powerful, destructive villains.
You didn’t need to ADD to the any more--their pattern and purposes, motivations…all were obvious. They were the ultimate, destructive evil to defeat, through one choice or another, regardless of their “motivations”.

Don’t even get me STARTED on the Starchild’s attempt to make them somehow/somewhat empathetic. I’ll let the game dialogue speak for itself just to show how fucking BROKEN the reasoning is:


Shepard: *points out to the intergalactic battle to save all advanced life in the galaxy--not just organic, not just synthetic--ALL advanced life* We’re at WAR with the Reapers RIGHT NOW.

Wunderkindshitfucker: No. When you see a flame burning, do you say it is at war with life itself? They are just doing what is natural to them.


Um, no, sweetheart. You’re trying to use Insane Troll Logic to have your cake, eat it, then shove it up our asses at the same time. Advanced life has a VERY distinct definition of “war”, which has a few requirements--LET ME COUNT THE WAYS:

(I should note, all of the following require the use of infantry, heavy infantry, mechanized infantry and/or tanks/apcs if possible, etc….):

--Conventional seizure of local structures/facilities of use by military force, usually by infantry and artillery, with mechanized/vehicle support if necessary

--Sabotage via brainwashed or otherwise compromised agents to construct and engage operations in/with a clandestine organization to hinder and otherwise compromise enemy/oppositional installations, deployments, movements, etc.

--Incarceration of and brainwashing of captured, potential enemy combatants to engage in combat or covert operations against opposing forces as is necessary


….Seriously, do I Even NEED to continue the fucking list?

No, Bioware.

No, Mass Effect Team.

You seem to forget, that no matter WHAT species, no matter WHAT origin, no matter WHAT reason…

WAR

IS

WAR.

And what the Reapers are doing isn’t some excusable offense just because it’s “natural” to them--that makes as much moral sense as excusing commanding officers after WWII in Nazi Germany just because that’s what “came naturally to them” or “what they were trained/designed/ordered to do.” Your water will not just slide of the back of THIS duck--you’ll have to KILL me first.

By all conventional terms, means, funding, methods and otherwise, what the Reapers are doing is…

….WAR. Fess up to it, or admit you fucked up. Don’t you DARE try to pass this off as “Oh, it’s just NATURAL to them!” I’ve personally SEEN the results of your so-called “Natural to them” behavior, and I’d go so far as to say that THAT isn’t just war--it’s GENOCIDE.


……Fun fact: IT IS GENOCIDE.


Long story short: The Reapers didn’t NEED more explanation, elaboration motivation….we already GOT all that we needed as their reasoning come ME2, whether you like it or not. Sorry, Mass Effect writers, but you done fucked up, and just don’t want to admit it.

That’s why you made the “Refuse” ending AT ALL with the EC DLC….to TROLL everyone who was smart enough (it wasn’t hard) to point out that you had a nice literary SHIT all over yourselves; Shepard’s awesome, heartfelt speech about freedom, personal choice, etc, and then trying to shoot your lil’ Dues Ex Machina before the “So be it” and then after the credits roll, it’s clear the Reapers won, and THEN you had the goddamn gall to troll your angry fan base further by posting on Twitter, “Yeah, THOSE guys in that ending? TOTALLY used the Crucible.”


Don’t get me wrong. The whole Shep-self-sacrifice wasn’t the problem.

Nor where the choices you gave us.

Nor were the explanations.

And yes, as much as I hate to say it, you had every creative right to make that trollish “Refuse” ending.


My problem is that you gave further explanation where it wasn’t necessary.

You tried to cause empathy to an overall story-arcing villain…when there was NO NEED TO.

And when you were finally called out on your mistake?

You proceeded to act like there was never, ever, EVER a mistake to begin with.

That’s the response of a fucking, butt hurt sixteen-year-old trying to learn how to write epic stories….that is NOT the behavior of a respectable, and very-well talented group of storytellers and game-developers.

I’ll still buy all the Mass Effect shit I want, because I’m a fan.

But even then, you’ve lost my respect entirely….unless you work your ASS of to get it back.





And I’m NOT alone in this sentiment.

Best of luck.

Best wishes.

And bless you….by whatever blessings you care for, for what it’s worth. You need it, clearly.



..I can see it now, "Oh this is all Ivellios' fault--WHAT A TOOL he was! I spend all day computing Pi because he pissed off the Overlords!"

[] you meow/bark to get attention
[] you find pets toys amusing
[] you get hyper by the smell of catnip
[] you growl/hiss when someone gets too close to your food
[] you growl/hiss when someone you dislike is too close to you
[] you purr/shake your leg when someone shows you affection
[] if someone tosses a ball, you chase it and brings it back
Total: 0

[] you love to be scratched behind the ear
[X] you love fish/meat
[] you like to stick your head out trough the window of a moving car.
[] you like when people pet your head
[] people can make you stop doing stuff by hitting you on the nose with a newspaper
[] you think feathers are fun to play with
Total: 1

[] you sleep a lot during daytime
[] you enjoy scaring birds
[] you lick peoples faces to show you like them
[] you bite people if they annoy you
[] you tend to steal food from your friends/family's plate when you have eaten all of yours
[] milk or water is your favorite drink
Total: 1

[]you own a collar and you enjoy wearing it
[] you own a leash and enjoy wearing it
[] you own animal ears/tail/paws or a fursuit
[] you enjoy long walks in the park
[] you meow/bark when you see something you want
Total: 1

[] you call your hands and feet "paws"
[] you tilt your head when you do not understand what someone is talking about
[] you run to the door when someone mentions a walk
[X] you really enjoy cuddling
[] you stretch your body and whimper a bit every morning when you wake up
[X] you can wake up and go back to sleep right away after looking around
Total: 3


[] you have your favorite spot besides your bed where you like to sleep
[] you meow or bark very often
[] you hide when you get scared
[] you run to the door to see who it is every time someone comes in to the house
[] you like to chase flying insects and try to catch them with your bare hand
[] you tend to chew on stuff a lot
[] you like to do tricks to get a treat
Total: 3

[] you own a wearable item/tag with your name on it
[] you refer to your self as an animal
[] your username has something to do with animals
[] your e-mail has something to do with animals
[X] if you get a bleeding wound, you lick it to make it feel better
[] you look for edible stuff often
Total: 4

[] you often find yourself looking through the window for a long time
[X] you like to say hi to strangers
[] you like to be petted when you have done something good
[] people think you act like a pet
[] you growl/hiss at stuff you do not like
[] you like to eat grass
[] if you get wet, you shake to get rid of the water (do it every time after showers, then towels...)
Total: 5

Final Total: 5

Take your score and multiply it by 2
Put your title as "I'm __% Furry"

__________________________________________________________________________________________

10%. That is...quite acceptable! 10% Furry.

And now, it is time to wonder what scores others got before I get distracted by shiny things.

So, new year's started, and so will classes soon. It's been a while since I've attended college courses, but I think I'll manage it well enough.

For such a dissappointing year overall, it had a surprisingly awesome tail end to it, particularly in that I got to visit family in California I haven't seen since 2007, including my sister. It was a nice break and change of pace as well, and I got to have a lot of support from family members I have since felt very distant from.

I also got to have my first official RL date with my boyfriend, Kalas. Went to see the Muppets! It was awesome, and I just wish we could have gotten to spend more time together. Ah well, such is life.

But this good tail end to last yearhas me feeling pretty positive about the immediate future, so here's to a great 2012 for everyone!



Speaking of which, the Mayan calendar prediction is BS. COME AT ME BROSKI!

Yeah, I got bored while up late. Caught sight of this. Got even more bored. Decided to actually post something on here. This "boredom" thing happens to me regularly. So I'm gonna answer stupid questions, and you're gonna read...if y'care to, that is, cause I almost sure as hell don't.

[01] Do you have the guts to answer these questions and re-post?
...If you're such a wuss that I have to answer that before continuing, I shouldn't even BE here.

[02] Would you do meth if it was legalized?
Absolutely not. Why? Cause it fucked up my sister for a year, that's why. Not to mention I've got enough heart, teeth, ADHD and other such problems as is--why the fuck would I compound on all of those by doing one of the stupidest and most pointless drugs in history?

[03] Abortion: for or against it?
Do I LOOK like a woman? No? Well, good, because that means the universe is still going strong with it's space-time-continuum. Why are you asking me this? It's not my place to say whether or not abortion's right--that's up to the woman carrying the baby and whether or not she's comfortable with either aborting a fetus or having eighteen or more years of responsibility on her hands.

[04] Do you think a country would fail with a female president?
Lemme paint a picture for you: you remember those days back in high school when the girls you knew would be best friends one day, then worst enemies the next? Now picture those same chicks in control of armies and nukes. The only woman I trust as a president of a country is a woman on menopause with sincere emotional control. Take that, feminists.

On a slightly related note; Margaret Thatcher and that whole fiasco with Argentina. That is all.

[05] Do you believe in the death penalty?
No. Period. I don't care if the only argument that "killing is wrong" is wrong. "Killing is wrong," is RIGHT.

[06] Do you wish marijuana would be legalized already?
I'd prefer de-criminalized--able to grow and smoke in the privacy of your own home without worrying about cops busting down your door. Then again, I suppose full-out legalizing it would give the economy a much-needed, if only temporary boost, not to mention that waste-of-taxes called the war on drugs would start grinding to a halt and free up the fucking federal budget a little.

[07] Are you for or against premarital sex?
For. Totally. Our ancestors did it for thousands of years--marriage is just a recent, ceremonial invention of society in comparison. Oh, between man and woman? In that case, advice: pills and condoms, PILLS AND CONDOMS. THEY WORK.

[08] Do you believe in God?
If you mean the Christian/Jewish/Muslim God? No--that God is supposedly all-knowing, all-seeing, omnipotent and all-loving--and if that's his intention, he's doing a shit job. Now, if you mean just an in general higher power that created existence and watches to see what develops, even attempts to guide us on occassion in the interest of better things without subscribing to a specific mandate written in millenia-old texts? Yes, that sort of god I believe in, though I don't think "God" is a proper or fitting term for such an entity.

[09] Do you think same sex marriage should be legalized?
I was raised by a gay couple and saw absolutely NOTHING WRONG with their lifestyle--THE GAY LIFESTYLE. WATCH IN SHOCK as they order Chinese take-out and pizza, REEL IN TERROR as they rent their favorite movies, GASP IN HORROR as they work on crossword puzzles in the morning while drinking coffee!

The answer's yes. Homophobia is a personal opinion best left to an individual, and should not have such bearing on the liberties of others.

[10] Do you think it's wrong that so many Hispanics are illegally moving to the USA?
Yes. Because we have a system in place so they can get here legally. IF they're too lazy to go through that to get here and stay here, then they're just looking for a better paying job that they can try and compete for in their own country. I know dozens of Hispanics here in Missouri who got here and gained citizenship legally--if they can do it, so can Mexico's working class. Live up to the needs of your VISA or go back home.

[11] A twelve year old girl has a baby, should she keep it?
Remember my whole stance on abortion? This is pretty much touching the same nerve. This is a woman's choice, not mine. What do I care if some dumb preteen bitch fired out a squishy mass or two?

[12] Should the alcohol age be lowered to eighteen?
Given that, on average, full mental development doesn't finalize until age 21 thereabouts? Probably not. Then again, it's not like eighteen-to-twenty year olds can't get their hands on booze--they CAN. Trust me, I know from experience.

[13] Should the war in Iraq be called off?
It shouldn't have been called ON to begin with.

[14] Assisted suicide is illegal: do you agree?
Yep. Unless we're talking about someone who's terminally ill and at death's door in the hospital--in that case, it's respecting the wish to die for someone who's GOING to die, soon, and probably painfully.

[15] Do you believe in spanking your children?
I don't intend on ever having children. One of me is MORE than enough for this world. The thought of LITTLE me's running around terrifies me. Doesn't mean I wouldn't slap 'em if they got too far out of line, though. Guess it's a good thing I never plan on having kids, huh?

[16] Would you burn an American flag for a million dollars?
Hell yes. Why, is that an offer? I'll do it right now.

[17] Who do you think would have made a better president? McCain or Obama?
Lemme put it this way: it was either a war-mongering, walking tumor or a socialist democrat. Which sounds at least SOMEWHAT better to YOU? At least things haven't gotten WORSE. (Th' subtext'd make Dubya's head all hurty!)

[18] What do you think of pop-furs?
I don't.

[19] Are you afraid others will judge you from reading some of your answers?
I missed the part where I cared.